Wild Thing
by Lettheblacknessrollon
Summary: Seth finally gets to imprint... on someone that seems completely wrong for him. OC, Multiple POV's. Rated M for a good reason. Working on a sequel titled Born To Be Wild, check it out!
1. It Takes No Guts

**A/N: Yeah... This story is totally off the wall crazy. There's drugs, drinking, sex, violence.. You name it, I probably wrote about it somewhat. If you are too young or if you don't like reading that type of stuff, just hit the back button now. You've been warned!!!**

Chapter One - It Takes No Guts

"Ugh, stop it Luna!" I rolled away from the uninvited puppy kisses, pulling my blanket over my head along the way. She whined and I groaned. For just a moment, I felt like I was back in my old life.... Then I remembered that I had a dog to take care of now, something pretty new to me.

_No Jess, No jail, _I reminded myself for probably the billionth time. I had a new life, a better life. I had things worth living for.  
"Alright," I yawned, then scratched her furry little head. I led her through the house to the back door and then let her go out and pee.

It was a bright, beautiful day for March in West Virginia. None of the furious winter seemed to have remained on all the freshly cut lawns that I could see from here. I opened the door again and stepped out into the sun, testing how warm it actually was. Not bad.

Luna came running, relief clear in the way her tongue lolled from one side of her little Husky mouth. Her blue eyes were the same shade as the sky today. I smiled at her; she was like a piece of my soul these days, almost like my child or something.

I was a total dork sometimes.

"Hey Baby Girl," I said softly as I leaned over to pet her. I baby-talked her way too much.

The neighbor to my right came out of his back door and glared in my direction. I called him Albert because I had no clue what his name was, and he looked a whole lot like Einstein.

"Problem?" I asked him like the bitch I easily was, straightening up with my hands on my hips. He fervently shook his head no and went back inside. I rolled my eyes at him. Pussy.

Lu and I went back inside and I filled up her food and water, then lit up a smoke. It was already two in the evening, my usual wake-up time, and I needed to get my shit together to be out by the time Mom got off work. I mean, I loved the woman but we tended to clash. On everything.

I went into my room and found something to wear, then headed to the little adjacent bathroom to get ready. I found the pint of vodka under the sink and figured I'd be starting early today. I liked being ahead of everyone else.  
I dressed up today, wearing my favorite thigh-high boots and a tight little steel gray micro-mini dress. I looked fucking awesome.

I was totally finished getting ready around my third or fourth shot, so I poured the rest into a half a Sprite and slipped on my shoes.

"_Whiskey sippin' Mountain mama, in them tall black boots.."_

My ringer never got past there. Ever. That was _my _song.

"Hey," I answered unenthusiastically.

"Where are you? Practice is in an hour."

"No shit," I laughed. "I was just leaving, I should be there in ten minutes." Ana and I hadn't missed a practice in months. The last time was because it was impossible; I'd been in jail still.

"Good," she laughed heartily. "And then you and Darrell can get it on and - "

"Ana, what the hell? What the fuck are you talking about?" The thought almost made me hysterical. I didn't "get it on" with anybody. Not anymore, at least.

"You two want eachother so bad it makes _me_ horny!" She squealed laughter. I was walking down the street now and someone in their yard turned to look at me because they could hear her.

"Hush. People are staring."

"Fine," she gave in easily. "Want to play some before we go? I learned a new riff yesterday."  
"Yeah, sounds good."

I popped open her front door and entered her room with the phone still to my ear.

"Finally," she said, hanging up and rolling her eyes in mock annoyance. She lifted up a bottle of Seagrams 7 and shook it at me happily.

"I still beat you," I told her, shaking my own bottle. "First thing this morning."

"Wow, you make a better alcoholic than me, Liz. Good for you," she giggled. She loved to tease me.

"Hey, they tried to tell you in AA," I laughed. We'd been to a bunch of meetings back in the day, a result of a few underage consumption tickets piling up between the two of us. I'd hated it, but it sure beat the hell out of jail.

Ana pointed at me and then at the guitar we shared.

"Nah," I told her, plopping down on her bed and taking a swig from my bottle. I was actually entertaining her words about me and Darrell. "Play something for me. I'm bored."

"Okay." She picked up the guitar, our baby, and started strumming out 'Nutshell' by Alice In Chains. I loved the song but it was too detrimental to my mood this morning, so I sort of blocked it out.

"Ready to go see our boys?" she asked, suddenly right beside of me.

"Let's fuckin' go," I smiled. "Bring the 7 and 7."

We walked the three little blocks to the even worse side of town until we reached the big white house with the giant red nosed pit outside, staring us down defiantly. He was actually only for looks; he was the biggest pussy of a dog I'd ever met. There were two chihuahua's inside that were more to fear.

"Hey Girth McGirth," I said to him sweetly while he wagged his tail like an idiot. He was a sucker for the ladies. The front door popped open and Richie stood there smiling.

"Hey Legs. Ana," he geeted happily. "Vince's not here yet."

We both knew that was more for her benefit than my own. She'd had a thing for our favorite local bands' guitar player for two years now. The only one who never noticed was him, because if he did they'd definitely be together. She and I had made up a stupid rule years ago that we'd never make the first move on any guy. I'd broken it plenty of times, but she had to push on and be a trooper. I think she was really just scared he wouldn't feel the same way, which was actually just flat out ridiculous. He'd be lucky to have her.

Ana was kind of short and had a soft, curvy frame. She had beautiful long dark locks and a clear, olive toned complexion, big brown eyes and full pouty lips. She was cute as hell.

I was almost an opposite; I was tall and thin, with long blonde hair and big blue eyes. I was pale as a ghost no matter how much time I spent outside, with freckles across my cheeks and nose. My features were angular, where her's were very soft. We made a terribly hot duo. And we definitely knew it.

We walked inside where Darrell was practicing vocal exercises and Hart was tuning his bass. Darrell stopped when he noticed us and walked over to tower the both of us.

"Hey, beautiful," he said with his wonderful blue eyes on me, flashing that panty-melting smile he was so lucky to have. I mean, I had great teeth, but good lord.

Darrell was a huge hunk of sexy man meat, standing at a good six foot three and weighing well over three hundred pounds of thick, pure muscle. He had the strongest features I'd possibly ever seen and his arms and calves were covered in ink. He was the manliest man out there, and he was just my type. Gorgeous.

"Hey yourself," I smiled. I reached in my purse and grabbed my bowl and my fat sack of stinky buds. It was my own special blend called Melon Berry, a mix-up of Blueberry, Strawberry, the extremely rare Blackberry, and Watermelon with just a hint of Sweet Tooth. It'd taken me years to breed it out until it was just right, and people practically begged me for it by the ounces.

"Wanna smoke up guys?" I winked at them.

"Hell yeah!"

I packed while Richie rolled one and we all sat in the classic circle and started toking. I smoked this weed every single day but it still never failed to blaze me out by the third hit. I'd probably be rolling around laughing by nightfall.

"Sorry guys," Vince said as the door suddenly popped open. "Bragg was asleep."

"Hey," Ana said to him shyly from her seat beside me on the couch. Vince smiled and walked over to the lap top, then started playing Superjoint.

"Fuck yeah!" Darrell hollered, headbanging. "We should cover 'It Takes No Guts'. We'll make Legs play rhythm." He winked at me.

"I'd do it," I laughed. "I already know it."

"Yeah, but all you know is the leads," Richie said, passing me the spliff.

"Rhythm's easy once you have the leads down though. It'd be fun for you too, Animal," I laughed. Richie banged his drums just like that muppet, and he had him tattooed on his right hand. The first time I met him he showed it to me and then told me that he and Animal shared the same two passions in life: "Drumming, and Wo-mern." Ha.

"I'd rather do a Down song. Or Pantera."

"Everybody does Pantera," Darrell said to Hart, rolling his eyes.

"Figure it out later," Ana said smoothly, putting the joint into an ashtray while I stashed my piece back in my purse. We'd seen alot of fights break out between those two. "It's four o'clock and I want to hear some god damn music!"

She sat back down beside of me and we drank together while we got to enjoy our own little private concert from the absolute best musicians in southern West Virginia.

**A/N: It's hard to understand right now. Review or PM and I'll try to explain a little better. Updates will probably be infrequent and random so if you want to keep up, put me on alerts or check back every week or so. I'm trying, guys!**


	2. The Light at the Edge of the World

**A/N: No reviews, no posts. I get it guys, it's really hard to understand why a story is supposed to be about Seth and I'm starting it across the whole country, but it changes. Only if you give it a chance to.**

**Chapter Two - The Light at the Edge of the World**

"Bye Lizzy," Anna said devilishly, kissing me on the cheek before climbing into Vince's beaten up truck. She did a hand signal telling me to call her later. I was reminded for a moment of my impossibly gorgeous camaro sitting back at Mom's, but I couldn't dwell for long. I'd probably never get to drive it again.

Darrell wrapped his arm around my shoulders and we watched together as everyone packed up and shipped out. He'd told me I should hang around for a little while and help him finish off the case of beer in the fridge. I'd hung out over here a billion times before, sometimes just me and him and I'd even stayed the night a few times from passing out drunk on the couch - but this time seemed different. More important. And I wasn't the only one who noticed.

We went back inside and I turned on some Darkest Hour. It was what I liked to call 'melodic metal' and it was great for relaxing.

"So," I began, pausing to swig my beer. "You taking me home later?" I usually grabbed a ride with one of the others.

Ana and me promised the guys we wouldn't walk home after dark anymore after one night when some perverts tried to fuck with us. I'd kneed one in the balls repeatedly while Ana cracked the other guys skull with a rock, but they were still worried when we called them so shaken up from the altercation.

"Nah." He waved a hand. "Stay with me tonight."

I shrugged. "Okay."

"Did you like that show in Mo-town last weekend?"

I laughed. "Fuck yeah, it was awesome!" We'd eaten mushrooms and then wandered the streets until the bluegrass started. Then we were surrounded by hippies dancing their asses off. We joined in, of course. Darrell was really light on his feet for such a big guy.

"Remember when you and Jamie left to smoke? You asked him, 'You really want to leave these girls here with all these hoodlums?' and he told you - "

"I'm more worried for the hoodlums!!" Darrell repeated while we laughed together. "At least I kept you from getting kidnapped by hippies."

I put my hands on my hips. "They did not want to kidnap me. They are a peaceful peoples."

"Whatever," he retorted. "I bet if I'd taken my eyes off you for more than two seconds, that mandolin player would've snatched you right up!"

"Hey! You said I was a beautiful flower and that everyone needs a muse on stage," I reminded him. His answering smile was so wonderful I visibly froze up for a moment. I collected myself and went to sit beside him at the table. He scooted his chair out and patted his leg for me to sit there. It wasn't unusual in our group, we all always did things like that.

"Legs... you're one of my best friends, aren't you?"

"Of course," I answered instantly, thinking over all the great times we'd had together.

His fingers danced lightly up my arm. "And you know I trust you more than anyone else, right?"

"I trust you, too."

He moved his mouth to just below my ear. "And you find me attractive, don't you?" He caught me off guard with that one, and his breath sent shivers across my heated skin.

"Yes," I breathed, the situation changing abruptly in my eyes from a friendly hang out to something much more significant. I started looking back over the past few months, seeing every word, every action in a new light. Darrell wanted me. Bad.

God, for such a smart girl I could be pretty dumb sometimes.

"So go out with me then," he said nonchalantly, while the way his big hands caressing my skin gave him away.

I turned my head to look at his face now, wondering if I would see more there now than I had before. 'The Light at the Edge of the World' started playing and it clicked into place then.

I wrapped my little hand around the back of his head and brought my lips to his, my body easily melting into his. It felt good. It felt _right._

So many things ran through my mind then, things that would be there to stand in our way. His music career, his playboy lifestyle, his drug addiction. My own haunting past that loved popping into the present whenever given the oppurtunity. But none of it mattered. All there was was him and me, and we would make it. No matter what happened, we'd have eachother.

I'd never realized so much with one simpe kiss. Hell, I'd never realized so much in a full day. But he saw it too, I could tell when we stopped to breathe.

He placed his forehead against mine for a moment. "Is that a yes?"

"Yes," I laughed. "Definitely."

"Good. Because I've been in love with you for.... well, forever. Since we met anyways," he chuckled, still breathless.

"Really? Was it before or after I fucked you?" I teased.

"Before," he clarified. "That just cemented it for me. Sorry again, by the way," he said, still just slightly ashamed from our first encounter.  
My last real boyfriend had a love for dark whiskey and cocaine, and for my current favorite band. I'd heard about "Darrell this" and "Ritchie that" for months, though he never even alluded to the fact that they all hated him. They'd seen the side of him that I got to know all too well. I wasn't even sure if they were still playing around here.

So one night, free of Jess, I finally met the infamous Darrell.

We'd met at a friends house, and I was so drunk I'm surprised I remember it right. I was good at not letting onto that fact, though, after years of practice with Mom and school. I got into his pants after a few hours, him not realizing how trashed I was. We never did anything again, just stayed friends, and he never even told anybody about that first night - showing me how trustworthy he really was. He'd always kind of felt bad, though. He said he felt like he'd taken advantage.

"Man, don't sweat that shit. I would've fucked you sober if you'd shown up a few hours earlier," I laughed. I was kind-of-sort-of the one who took a little advantage. I knew it would piss Jess off if he heard about it, so as soon as I found out who he was I had my intentions planned. It changed though, once I got to know him; he was sexy. And really awesome.

He looked up, his eyes shining. "Really? Then why the hell have I been working so hard this whole time?"

"Because I've been quite the idiot," I told him, embarassed all over again.

"You didn't know?" I nodded. "Damn, I thought you were just dissin' the shit out of me on a daily basis," he laughed. "I figured maybe you liked making me a punk all the time."

"Ummm... no. Sorry about that. I mean, I get it now I just didn't think a thing of it before." I fidgeted a little, nervous that I'd made him a bit mad. In my experience, it was not at all a good idea to make a man angry with you. And that's coming from a tough motherfucker.

He wasnt mad though. He seemed really happy, actually. He wrapped his arms tighter around me and stuck his nose into my hair, breathing me into himself. It was kind of poetic and beautiful, really.

"Well, I wish I could get you naked again after all this time, but you've been drinking since you got up this morning..."

I laughed. "Alright, I'll stay sober tomorrow, just for you. On alcohol, anyways. Want to do a bean and smoke some pot?"

"You're speakin' my language, beautiful," he smiled and pecked me on the cheek before I stood up.

A few hours later, it had still been months since I'd had sex, even though I was naked with two huge arms wrapped around my tiny frame. I had been laying here for hours listening to Darrell snore softly, trying to relax and get some rest but it was impossible.

I was happy. This felt right. But.... And isn't there always a but somewhere?

But I felt like something was off at the same time. Not Darrell or anything, I'd known him and all his friends and family for a long time now. Maybe it wasn't even directly related to me at all. Just.... something was wrong with the world right now. It was making me antsy.

So antsy that when Darrell very softly whispered, "Baby," in my ear, I jumped and almost had a heart attack. He woke up more then and sat up a little.

"What's wrong, Liz?" He sounded worried.

"I don't know," I told him honestly. "Something's making me feel kind of nervous. I'm just not sure what."

His lips smiled, just slightly. "Just try to relax and get a little sleep," he whispered as he pulled me in closer and moved his hand slowly up and down the side of my naked body. "I'm sure everything is fine."

And with that I slipped into a noisy, restless sleep. I dreamt of wolves.... wolves that roamed woods silently at night, moving at speeds incapable of anything I'd ever seen. It had been a good few years since I'd visited the zoo, but I was completely sure wolves were not supposed to be the size of horses.....

Those dreams haunted me for a very long time.


	3. Use Somebody

**Did somebody say they wanted Seth?.....**

**Chapter Three - Use Somebody (Seth's POV)**

_Jarred, please. I just don't think I can take anymore._

Ever seen a wolf grimace in disgust? Me neither. I don't have a mirror on me at the moment.

Kim wasn't ugly or anything. It had nothing at all to do with that. She was a pretty girl, really nice too. But that definitely did not mean I ever wanted to see her naked. Repeatedly, flashing from his mind to mine at random intervals.

I kind of missed only having to see Jake's dirty imprint thoughts.

_Are you trying to say that his girl is better looking than mine?!?_

He stood in front of me now, then shifted back to his human self. He looked pissed off.

"Listen here, Seth. Renesmee is a pretty girl I guess, but that's mostly because of the whole wierdo vampire thing. She has nothing on my Kim!"

I changed back, too.

"Sorry!" I told him, tossing my shorts on quickly while he did the same.

"That's not what I meant. It was just easier before, only seeing it through a single person instead of through so many. And Josh's thoughts are the worst, they play out like a porno...."

He doubled over laughing. "That boy thinks he's the biggest playa ever!" He threw an arm around my shoulder and we started walking towards the beach.

It was still so cold to everyone else that it pretty much stayed empty this time of year. All my brothers loved that we could have private beach parties in snow storms and it never phased any of us.

"I don't get him. How can he look at women the way he does? They're people, not objects." Not sex toys, either.

"Yeah, I wonder how many hearts he's broken.... Don't worry about him, kid." He ruffled my hair like he used to when I was almost a foot shorter than him. He had to reach upwards these days.

"Sometimes I think he'll never find his mate. He's too much of a pig to get the benefits of being a wolf, right?" He laughed for a moment while I thought that over. "But then sometimes I think that maybe he'll find that girl that's made to tame him, not made to bed for an evening. If I didn't have my girl...."

I kind of drowned out what he was saying at that point. I got pretty tired of hearing this stuff, over and over for the past ten years or so. It was so mushy and lovey that it twisted my stomach up.

It's not that I didn't want to find my own imprint; it was actually more the opposite.

I had watched Sam and Emily over the years, through my own eyes and through Sam's mind. The love, the affection.... I'd never known so much emotion could be contained inside of freaking Sam Uley.

I had seen Quil watching Claire grow up, not really waiting for it, but knowing that one day he would love her in a very different way.

Jarred with his Kim, loving every minute of it. Obviously, considering he was still walking beside of me, talking about her and being completely oblivious to the fact that I wasn't paying the least bit of attention.

Jacob was willing from the very beginning to lay down his life and the lives of everyone he knew and loved to save his mate. She grew up so fast, and now they were already taking everything to new levels.

While _I_ had to be somewhat alone, watching all the happiness of everyone around me. I could really use somebody like the ladies my brothers had.

I was suddenly reminded that I wasn't actually alone, though.

"Seth!"

I wrapped my arms around her, giving her some of my warmth.

"What're you doing out here, Megan? You're gonna catch a cold."

She looked up at me with her big brown eyes, so full of everything I truly wished I could feel for her.

"I wanted to see you," she whispered. She could see it in my eyes too, the lack of feeling. The longing to feel more for her. She stuck with me anyways. And I loved her for that, in some way.

I kissed her on the top of her head and she tucked her face back into my chest. "Let's get you out of this cold. Want to go to my house with me?"

She looked back up with an ecstatic expression, nodding yes instantly.

We parted ways with Jarred and headed up the steep hill to the house I'd grown up in, the house I wasn't sure if I'd ever actually move out of.

"Leah's here, but Mom will be out all day," I told the beautiful girl beside of me. She made a tiny little squeaky noise in the back of her throat - Leah didn't much like other girls. Megan was a little scared of her.  
We went straight up the stairs and headed for my bedroom when I heard talking. I took a long sniff of the air.... Embry was here too.

"Hey, Em," I called.

Megan looked at me and then up and down the hall. "How'd you know he was here? His car's not outside."

"Excellent hearing," I smiled triumphantly as Leah poked her head out of her doorway.

"Hey, baby brother," she said to me happily before sneering at my girlfriend.

"Megan." She said sharply. Megan made that wierd squeak noise again, which made Leah smile before she disappeared back into her room.

I pulled Megan away and into my bedroom, locking the door quickly before Leah decided to make an encore bitch appearance.

"Why doesn't she like me?" Megan whined. "I've never done anything at all to her!"

"Ah, don't worry about Lee-Lee." I patted the bed, beside where I had just laid down. "She just never thinks any girl is good enough for me. She's really protective."

Megan relaxed a bit and laid down beside of me, wrapping her arm across my chest. "_Over _protective, to the extreme. I'm a good girl," she said, yawning through the end of her sentence. "She should be glad - " Yawning, "That you're with me instead of some crazy girl."

And with that she drifted to sleep.  
I started studying her features and wondering why she wasn't "The One".

She was beautiful. She had lightly bronzed skin, many shades lighter than my own but still sun-kissed. Long, medium brown hair that cascaded over her shoulders in tiny waves. Wide pale lips that were now covered in a pink gloss, and big brown eyes that reminded me of the old Bella, or of Renesmee - though they didn't carry the same depth.

Then I started picking out the things that I didn't adore about her.... the longer I looked the longer the list got.

I ran my fingers roughly through my hair, knowing my own thoughts right now were cruel and unfair. This as how any regular relationship was; no one was perfect. Everyone had flaws, and it was inhuman to pick someone to pieces like I was doing to my own girlfriend.

It wouldn't stop though... I'd been doing it little by little since we started dating. And it was all due to the massive amount of "Perfect Couples" and "Soulmates" around me.

Where was my one true love? Did I even have one out there? I'd been waiting for so long....

Megan shifted and I wanted to punch myself in the face for thinking such bitter things. She was so good to me. I was lucky to have her.

So why wasn't she my perfect match?


	4. Run Like Hell

**Chapter Four - Run Like Hell**

Three weeks had passed now.

And I was sitting in a hotel room in Colorado Springs.

So much had happened.... and my mind was still having a whole lot of trouble working through it. It was just so damn _fast._

I'm pretty sure it started about a week into trying my new relationship out with Darrell. Everything had been alright with us until that day. We'd had a fight, a bad one considering this outcome.

He didn't want me to hang out with Lynn. And that's what set it off, I guess.

Who was he to tell me who to see and who not to see? She'd been my friend for the past four years, and I loved her to death. She just wanted to hang out for a little while. But Darrell wasn't having it.

He was slurring his words and stumbling, and I knew he wasn't drunk.

"Did you do benzo's?" I'd yelled at him, frustrated and worried.

"Who gives a fuck if I did?" He'd yelled in response.

It hurt, and he knew it. He'd said it with intent to hurt. I had a history of hatred for that whole classification of drugs - there's only so relaxed a human being can get before it enters the danger zone.

I'd grabbed my bag up quickly and tossed it on my shoulder. I couldn't deal with this right then.

"If you leave, Legs," he said, stepping in front of me. "I don't want for you to come back. There's millions of girls...."

I ignored him at that point; never make comments like that to a really jealous person. Especially one that's already pissed off.

I had been so supremely angry as I pushed out the door and walked the busy streets, ignoring all the people yelling random shit out of their car windows. My phone rang and I almost threw it down on the concrete. I decided to answer instead.

"Still coming?" Lynn asked excitedly.

"Yeah, I'm on my way." I hung up without explaining and called Anabelle.

"Hey lover," she answered sweetly. It actually made me smile.

"I'm walkin' your way, want to join me?"

"Of course. Be there in a second!"

And then I was pissed again. I wanted a beer. And I'd been getting a lot better at _not _wanting a beer. Or ten.

This was the point where the night got pretty wierd, where happenings and circumstances and consequences started coming around.

I'd been given a lottery ticket, the first occurence of a very odd evening. Or maybe the first thing was seeing David at the party and not threatening to stab him when he smiled at me that way. Anyways, when I scratched the numbers, I'd won. Two Million Dollars.

Two. Million. Dollars.

The whole party situation kind of spurned out of control when word got around and people were being so drunk and crazy, all wanting my attention. Not a good idea with that much testosterone packed into a small space. A couple of fights had broken out and I was getting scared. I was looked at as a badass by most the people that I knew, but I didn't much like watching people partake in physical violence. And the cops scared the shit out of me.

Facts that still hadn't stopped me from getting into fights over the years and being arrested a couple of times.

That's when I had a sort of... I don't know, like a clear moment or something. I had money. A whole lot of money, just sitting and waiting to be claimed by me. It was unreal. It was a big ball of fucking oppurtunity.

Goodbye fines.

Goodbye WV.

Goodbye life.

_Goodbye everything I've known my whole life._

I'd make new friends, and find better things to do. I was confident, and negativity was not going to stop me from getting out of this shit little town.

My revalation had stopped then, because there was another fight going down, this time close to me. I saw David and Lynn trying to fight a very irate looking boyfriend of mine, not doing very well considering there had the numbers upperhand. Darrell was not someone whose path you anted to stand in if he was pissed.

The outcome of that situation had sucked for the most part, between me and Darrell and between him and my other friends. He was really the only one I was mad at, and then he kept calling me and coming over for the next couple of days, but I wouldn't loosen up about it. I'd had more than enough of the boy trouble to last me my whole life. No amount of love would turn me into somebody that always takes someone else's bullshit.

So I'd made my peace with everyone I knew and loved, and then I fled the place like my shoes were on fire. I'd worked all of my money out so that I could pretty much do whatever I wanted. For probably the rest of my life.

Which was awesome, but a little difficult to adjust to. I'd already tried to start figuring out where I might settle down, and I'd only been running around following shows for two weeks now.

It's the beauty of Colorado, probaby more than anything. I had been loving it here since I rolled across the state lines. The mountains were purple, not green and brown like the ones I knew so well.

My phone rang beside of me and cut my thoughts off. I answered while I threw things into my purse.

"Hey."

"Hey. How's everything goin'?"

He sounded so sad every time I talked to him now. I felt bad, but I didn't know how to fix it.

"I'm heading to MetalStock," I told him. I knew he'd still be happy for me.

"That's awesome," he replied dully. "I'll call later. Or tomorrow."

"Okay," I answered, annoyed.

I sat in my car for a few minutes amping myself up for an awesome show. I was going to go backstage and party my ass off when it was over. My phone buzzed and I flipped it open to read my text.

_Will you ever come back? _It read, and I could fucking feel the sadness behind the simple question.

I didn't know what to answer with. I'd hurt him pretty damn bad. I didn't want to go back... I felt like there was some point to the random sequencing of events. I knew it was fucked up to just run like hell from home, but I knew there was something important to be found at the destination of my impromptu journey.

I turned the key to my over-stuffed-full-of-crap car and headed for the arena, taking in the lovely that was Colorado. Maybe my something important was here?

It was possible. And it was extremely possible that I was going to have the best time of my life in about twenty to thirty minutes.

I raged through the night, befriending pretty much everyone that bothered trying to talk to me. Of course, the girls are always short in numbers at metal shows, so that turned out to be a big group of people. They all sort of tried to protect me in the pit. I think they were sad when I ran backstage as soon as the show ended.

After such a long night, after the dark descended and the sun began to smile, after the soreness set in and the hangover started to kick, I knew it wasn't here. And I knew it wasn't home, either. I'd had enough of Colorado, and I'd always remember it fondly.

Mike Schleibaum told me to go to Caliornia. "That's where the scene is, man," he'd said, passing me back the blunt I'd rolled to share with him and his band.

"Yeah, you'd probably love it out there," John told me as he offered me his acoustic again.

"I'll try it out," I smiled, and they both smiled back. We'd gotten to know eachother pretty well in the past couple of hours, and they loved my little unplanned road trip. They said that I was brave.

I started strumming out something I hadn't played yet for them. They also seemed to appreciate my ease with turning metal to acoustic.

_Bled of all you had to lose.  
__I can feel your fear and weakness  
__I see my own in the mirrors of your eyes.  
__Carved into a corner, hopeless.  
__There's death ahead and doom behind.  
__There's a bad storm blowing in  
__And most of us won't make it.  
__The wreckage of your past  
__Means nothing now, forsake it._

_The memories cripple you.  
__You're torn apart, your doubt must DIE!_

_It only fell apart 'cause you let it.  
__Bled of all you had to lose,  
__Pick up the pieces with your broken hands.  
__It only fell apart 'cause you let it.  
__Bled of all you had to lose,  
__Pick up the pieces with your broken hands._

_Well, there's those that do  
__And those that just do talking.  
__We're all going through hell  
__It's burn or keep on walking.  
__The blackguards sing their shanty,  
__Pure death riding the wind.  
__Right now it's do or die  
__Now will you choose to live?_

_The memories that ruin you,  
__You're torn apart, your doubt must DIE!_

_It only fell apart 'cause you let it.  
__Bled of all you had to lose  
__Pick up the pieces with your broken hands  
__It only fell apart 'cause you let it  
__Bled of all you had to lose  
__Pick up the pieces with your broken hands._

_You best delay self-pity.  
__Locked in devastation's throes.  
__The noose waits you, swinging.  
__A blade of malice cuts the rope.  
__Hostility ensues, no attempt to repent  
__Your struggles vindicate the illest of intent._

_DIE!  
__It only fell apart 'cause you let it.  
__Bled of all you had to lose,  
__Pick up the pieces with your broken hands.  
__It only fell apart 'cause you let it.  
__Bled of all you had to lose,  
__Pick up the pieces with your broken hands._


	5. Angelfuck

**A/N: I might repost the last chapter, I didn't get to edit very well. The song in this one is Misfits (Angelfuck).**

**Chapter Five - Angelfuck (Seth's POV)**

I couldn't sleep. For a _week _now. Seven nights - or days, depending on my schedule - I'd laid out here in my nice king size bed and closed my eyes... and nothing would happen. I'd been really anxious and jumpy, and people were starting to get a little worried about me. Especially Megan.

I figured this whole thing with her might have a little something to do with it. There was so much that I just couldn't tell her about, so I knew she wouldn't really understand. This was, in many ways, the best thing for her as well as me.

And that's why I was standing on her front porch right now, hesitating to knock. I took a deep breath and reached towards the door, knocking lightly three times.

"Hey!" Shannon answered with her coat on, like she was about to leave. She hugged me quickly as she whispered, "What's been up with you lately?"

I looked down at her, then up the stairs towards Megan's room. Shannon nodded yes and then held her finger in front of her lips. She pulled my wrist gently towards the porch.

"She's upset, and worried," she told me quietly with her hands on her hips. "Seth, how long have you and I been friends?"

I wasn't sure if this was one of those tricks that girls play, but I really did trust Shannon. "A few years."

"Exactly!" she proclaimed, still speaking softly. "I care about you, man. And you know I love her..." She rubbed her hand on her chin as she looked back to me. "I'm just starting... or really I have _been_ thinking... that maybe you don't."

I looked down at my feet. I wanted to say that I had tried to love her. Hadn't I?

"Seth," she whispered, her voice lighter than air. "If you can't love her, you have to let her go. Let her move on to someone that will give her what you couldn't." She smirked. "I'll always be here to help her through it."

I tried to smile at her, but it was still a bit strained. "Thanks, Shanny."

She turned to leave. "Please don't hurt her. No more than is necessary."

I watched her walk away and then went in and up the stairs. I stopped and listened for a moment outside of her bedroom door.

She was _crying._ This was not going to be easy, for either one of us. The fact that it would be so hard on her was not making me feel any kind of better.

But I had made my decision, and I needed to see this through. This was saving her from more hurt from me in the future.

I turned the little clear diamond looking knob and heard her stop making noise, probably noticing the small click. She started to stand up from her bed and I opened up her door, wanting her to see that it was just me and not someone here to hurt her or anything. Except, I sort of was here to hurt her.

"Seth?" She sounded concerned, wary. She sighed. "So that's it, huh?"

I finally tried to push away my cowardice and met her eye. Then I took three steps until I was standing right in front of her. I picked up her hand and wished there was a way to make it all easy for her.

"Don't say it, Seth. I get what's happening with us." She pulled my hand up to rest her cheek on. "Can I still see you sometimes?"

"Whenever you want," I told her quickly.

"As long as you're available at least." She smiled, just barely. "It's just going to be kind of hard, you know, after all of this time. For me."

"For me, too. It's just - "

"I know," she sighed. "Look, in a little while I'm going to probably be so mad at you that I could spit. And then I'll be sad and miss you for awhile, back and forth until it starts to feel better." She looked into my eyes, something like her fierceness showing through them. "But I see why you're doing this, some of it at least and that's good enough in the long run. I won't totally forget that you're a genuinely good guy - so when I'm over it, I want to be your friend. When I can handle it."

And that's when I knew she would be okay. Eventually. I smiled at her, knowing I needed to go in a moment to let her be her. "You're an awesome girl, Megan. Don't ever forget that."

She hugged me and squeezed tight. "Don't _you_ forget it, okay?" She let go and started walking me towards the door. "I'll see you around. As soon as I'm ready," she told me.

And that was all. All that had needed to be said between us after six months of dating and memories, of her putting up with me being a weirdo, of her seeing that any hoping for a future with me was sort of hopeless.

Maybe I was pretty obvious, even to someone that doesn't realize what it is that I'm waiting for. I want _love _love, like epic stuff. I wanted to feel the way that the others who had found it already felt. I wanted _the_ very specific human being that was made for me and me only.

I was just starting to worry about how long this was supposed to take. Would I still be here centuries from now, waiting to just lay my eyes on her?

It was stressing me out for some reason. I mean, way more in the past week or so than it ever had before. I'd taken quite a few long runs since it started to bug me so much, and that's what I needed now. Burn some of this tension off.

I hit the woods and saved my pants before I went jetting through the wet grass and leaves that debrised the ground. I kept replaying the morning, wondering what the point to all of this insanity was.

_Maybe I'll go over there and help her get over you, _A voice offered in my head. I growled in response.

_Josh, shut the fuck up, _Jacob told him. The whole pack set up was wierd now; Jacob and Jarred pretty much shared alpha duty, because Sam was trying to sit it out since he'd decided he wanted to make some mini-Uley's.

_Little Angelfuck, It's a shame that luck is the only thing. Did you like the fun, Did you like the times that I promised you? _Josh started singing in his head. Asshole.

_Open wounds on your brow! Little angel in red... She isn't lovin' you anymore!_

_ Josh, _Jake warned, but he still didn't listen.

_Little Angelfuck, I see you goin' down on a fireplug. Little Meganfuck... Size for everyone!_

I wanted to hit him. Hard, and many times in a row. Surprising, since I usually didn't go the violent route.

_I could take ya, man._ _That's cool though, just remember that the next sexy girlie goes to me for leaving this one alone for you. _His thoughts and surroundings vanished then, and I was glad for the break from his head. He tended to provide visuals with all his dirtiest thoughts, and I didn't like seeing him put my own mental slip-ups on display purposefully, swapping the sight of me for his own self. I was almost the only guy that had experienced that part of Megan. Josh really didn't even stand a chance with her.

_And if he does? _Jake asked. _Sometimes I think nothing is impossible for that little douchebag. You should start standing up for yourself, man._

_ I'm not really worried about him..._

_ I don't recall anyone else wanting to imprint so badly that they couldn't date before it even happened, _he prodded. This was his style, the not-so-subtle-subtlety.

_I'm too anxious for it right now. If it starts to take years and years, then I'll let up about it._

_ Suit yourself. I guess I can sort of understand what you're wanting. Missing...._ He said, his thoughts drifting to his Renesmee. He wandered where she was, when he would see her again, and so many other innocent little things. He thought of her smell, taste, other intimate things that popped up and quickly went away since they weren't to be shared. His thoughts were covered in a warm and fuzzy film that radiated Renesmee and love and perfection. She made him whole.

It was so peaceful, yet still somehow frantic and exciting. It was... contentment? And more. It was ridiculous amounts of love and happiness, all there for that one girl that each of us belonged to.

_You'll find yours, _he sighed. _You'll feel it._


	6. Clouds Over California

**A/N: The song is by DevilDriver. I'll post a playlist on my profile.**

**Chapter Six - Clouds Over California**

I made my way through the small crowds that surrounded me, trying to ignore everything until I got to my newest friend. People in the town I'd found were not like what I was used to. Much more engaging, and since it was a small place, I was looked at like a damn spectacle.

This town, Drago, wasn't so bad but California kind of sucked. It gave you this wierd complex, like you weren't good enough or something. Maybe because everyone in the popular places were all super tan with fake-colored hair and tit implants. Drago was way more relaxed, more real. So much better than L.A.

Still not the place for me, though.

I made my way into the same bar I'd come to each night for the past week and sat down in my seat after flashing my fake I.D. card. I only had to wait for a few seconds before Dee the bartender noticed me.

"Hey Liz! I wasn't sure you'd show tonight," he said happily, pouring what he'd learned were my favorites: Lemon Drop and an Irish Car Bomb.

Dee was tall and built nice and handsome, but he'd turned into some kind of short-term love guru for me. He'd been trying to help me ease my guilt for running off like I did.

The night I'd first come to this little hole in the wall, I'd been talking to Darrell on the phone. He was having a really hard time, and he was mad and upset with me. It all kind of hit me during that time, how badly I'd messed things up with him. He deserved alot better from me.

I had gotten way too caught up in the idea of getting away from that state that I'd forgotten the most important parts of my life. I had just picked up and left, without letting things get smoothed out with Darrell, who had not only been my boyfiend but my best friend.

He thought I had abandoned him. I couldn't disprove it, either.

It made me feel like shit, but I didn't know how to make it better. Well, I guess I did, but I couldn't allow myself to give up and go backwards to make someone else happy.

I'm so fucking selfish. And I guess that's sort of where Dee came into place.

He was super nice, and so genuine that you just had to talk to him. Once you did, he seemed so into what you said, but not in a flirty way really. It was like he just found me sort of fascinating to speak to. He liked hearing about West Virginia because he'd never been there, and he offered really good advice on my love - or lack thereof - life. We'd become fast friends. I'd be saying goodbye to him soon, though.

He caught the look on my face when I reached for my drink and said, "Sweetie? Don't worry, okay? We'll both have internet. Phones. Mailboxes."

I giggled. "I get it," I told him, tossing back my vodka. "It's just that you are the first person I think I've met since I left that I saw for more than one day."

"Yeah, I'll miss you, too. I kind of get what you're doing, though. I've never really felt like leaving this place myself, but people should spread their wings sometimes, right? Just make sure you check up back home often. You'll go and visit your mom at some point, make sure you know what you're going back into."

"I am a little homesick," I admitted.

"Tell her I said hello," he told me, knowing I was about to call my Ana. She was my lifeline sometimes.

I snuck around to the back of the bar and started smoking while I dialed Ana's phone number.

"Lizzy!!"  
"Hey," I laughed. "How's it going?"

"Pretty damn good! Our boys have a show next weekend, I just got my hair cut, I'm dating Vince, I have a bottle of Jagermeister - "

"You're dating Vince?"

"Yeah!" she squealed happily. "He's in the bathroom right now so I'll have to explain kind of quick. We were hanging out at Jay's house by the shed, and I - well, I basically yelled that I was going to piss and started to stumble to a dark place when he showed up. He helped me pee all gentlemen-like, and then I spilled my guts to him and he said he wanted me too! Isn't that awesome?"

"Most definitely!" I was so fucking happy for her right now. She'd liked him for so, so long. And I knew he liked her too and was just too scared to admit it or something.

"Where are you at right now? Darrell says California."

"Yeah, in the northern part, this little town called Drago. My friend, Dee the bartender said to tell you hello for him."

"Boyfriend?" she asked instantly.

"Nope, just a friend. He's nice."

"Cool. Tell him I said hey." There was some background noise, then Anabelle said, "Hold on, Vince wants to talk to you for a second."

I waited until his voice sounded. "What's up, man?" I asked him.

"Nothing much, just sittin' here with this beautiful girl," he said, sounding happier than I'd ever heard before. "Darrell says you're going to go to Seattle to see Danny."

"Yeah, he invited me up," I answered simply. I hated trying to play into any mind games; I wasn't into making Darrell jealous or anything like that. I was going to stay with a guy for a couple of days, but I wasn't laying a freaking finger on him. It wasn't like that.

"He said you'll be making a purchase of something there. Be careful Legs. I don't want to have to kill that stupid ass," he told me matter-of-factly.

"Shouldn't be a problem," I told him, taking a hit. " Besides, don't worry about me. What about you and my lovebug?" I asked excitedly. "You better do her right..."

He laughed. "You know me better than that. She's perfect." He lowered his voice then. "I think she's it, Liz. Seriously. The one."

"I hope you guys are it for eachother," I told him honestly. "I can't imagine a better pairing."

"Me neither. Hey, I have to go!" There was some kind of scuffle followed by giggles before the line went dead. I took a long deep breath and started texting the person I felt like I was really avoiding.

_I'm really sorry, _I told him first.

_So am I._

_ I do miss you, ya know._

_ Come here whenever you're back in town. I love you. I know you deserve better than what I can give. I want my best friend again._

_ Okay._

_ Seattle?_

_ Tomorrow._

_ Call then? Please be careful._

_ I'll call. I will. Love you all._

And then I snapped my phone shut, going back for the doors to Outskirtz. It felt symbolic; Moving towards my future and farther from my past. Because while I loved and missed the people I had once shared everything with, it would never change what they were to me now.

My Past.

.


	7. Sweet Tooth

**Chapter Seven - Sweet Tooth (Josh's POV) **

This had to be the absolute most boring job on the face of the planet. It was like being in the Army after World Peace broke out or something; just so completely unnecessary. I hadn't seen a single bloodsucker in over a year, and that one had gone down so fast that it barely even counted. All the old men thought we should keep up regular patrols anyways, just in case.

I sighed as I laid my head down on my paws, wondering if I'd be able to take a nap without anybody noticing. I let my mind wander back to last week, starting with that killer party I'd made Dave have at his house. All those cute little Forks High girls had been running around with way too much alcohol inside of them, practically begging me to teach them why they shouldn't let their guard down quite so much. I got snagged up by just one of them for the night instead.

Mallory. Petite and fair and kind, she wasn't really the type of girl that I preferred. I could still remember the way she moved like she'd never done that sort of thing before - and I remembered how wierd and awkward she seemed climbing out of my bed the next morning. That was never my favorite part, but still amusing.

No, my favorite part was usually how easy it was to get them into said bed, get their clothes in the floor and their inhibitions out the window. But what can I say, players are going to play, right?

I was thinking some more about those little white cotton panties when I heard the sniggering inside of my head.

_Mallory? I thought her name was Valerie. _

_ Doesn't matter much to me what her name was. _I gave Chris some very clear visuals from that particular escapade.

_She seems nice._

_ Yeah, but nice doesn't matter much either. _I stood up and stretched out before I started making my rounds again. Chris really didn't care if I was slacking but I figured I should at least pretend to be protecting the good people of La Push and Forks.

I was nearing Chris when he caught the scent of some people blowing our way. It was probably nothing, but we were bored so we decided to go ahead and check it out.

As we neared the area, I assumed it was probably just some hikers out on a trail close by. But we didn't run towards the trails; we ended up running parallel with a long dirt road that wound itself back a good ways into the woods. There were a few houses on the way down, and the road ended entirely at the mouth of a very large house that had been empty for the past few months. I'd seen it from the outside a few times but never attempted going in because we had all noticed people coming and going from there once every week.

_Whoa... _Chris said, halting a few feet in front of me. _That doesn't look like the cleaning people._

I stopped beside of him and understood what the 'Whoa' reaction had been about. _Check _that_ shit out, man! Where'd this chick come from?!_

_ You can't even see her face, dude. _Chris laughed in my head.

I couldn't see her face, but I liked what I was seeing: the soft, curvy backside of a young and possibly hot blonde girl. Her blue jeans fit perfect on her round ass and across her t-shirt was "Hell Doesn't Want Them," all in capitals.

The wind caught at her hair and pushed it forward for a moment, quickly revealing a tattoo behind each ear and one at the base of her creamy white neck.

_Really think she'll be hot when she turns around?_

_ I'd put money on it._

_ Over-confident, _he sniggered again. I could feel a bet coming on when Chris got side-tracked. _Josh, check out that car man!! _

I rolled my eyes and started paying attention again. Hot blonde was talking to two guys, both dressed in movers' uniforms. They were both paying extreme attention, and one was looking at her like he had x-ray vision, adding to my confidence that I'd approve when I saw her front side.

The conversation ended apparently, because the movers went to the truck to start doing their job while the girl opened up her Camaro's back door to let a black and white husky rush out excitedly.

_Turn around. Turn around. _I tried to Jedi mind trick the girl. She started playing with her dog while the two dumbasses started moving some big ass speakers through the open front door.

_Wonder what that shit is, _Chris thought. Then, finally, our girl turned around.

_Damn._

I don't know what I'd expected, but this was a very pleasant surprise.

She was long and lean, with high cheek bones, big blue eyes and full pouty lips. She was built like a Barbie doll, but decked out like a rocker chick with her studded belt, thick black eyeliner and pale pink lips and nails.

The more I looked, the more I seemed to like.

She had this pissy ass look on her face, completed by her hands sitting high on her wide hips. In one of those hands was a little gray cell phone, which she quickly flipped open and texted on.

_She is fucking hot._

_ No shit Chris, _I thought snidely as I ran to get a closer look. He knew better than to try and get to her before I'd given it a go. I always had firsts on the pussy.

"Miss Collins?" The more pervy mover guy leaned his head out of my future fuck's house. 'Miss Collins' rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"Liz," she told him in a bitchy voice.

"Liz," he repeated. He was about a goofy lookin' motherfucker. She stared at him, waiting until he said more. Then she gave up and started texting again.

"Oh, uh um..." The poor guy was so intimidated. I guess she was a little intimidating, though. "Where did you say that bed was supposed to go again?"

Liz whipped around again, looking a little terrifying. "Um, I guess the bed should _probably _go in the bedroom. What do you think?"

If I hadn't been a giant dog right then, I would have busted out laughing. I kind of cough-barked instead, but that shit was funny.

He smiled and nodded, saying, "Right," as he walked back inside.

"Whiskey sippin' mountain mama - "

"Finally," Liz giggled into her phone. "This guy is a fucking wierdo. I think he's going to remember where he moved me and come visit or something."

She pulled out a long cigarette and lit it up while the other person spoke.

"You are fucking nuts," she said as she blew her hit out. "I'm not driving all the way there any time soon. I have plans for tomorrow."

She made some more pissy faces while I waited to hear her high, rough voice some more.

"I can take care of myself, okay?" She told the person defiantly. The movers were done now and the more stupid one came over to try one more time to catch the girls eye.

"So I was thinking that maybe - "

"I'm on the phone," she snapped, making it clear that she was not at all interesteed. She watched as he scampered away into the passenger seat and the truck started pulling away.

"Yeah, pepper spray and a .38 pistol," she laughed as she tossed her cigarette away. "I think I can handle most of 'em."

With that, she trotted inside and closed the door behind her,just seconds before some Manson started blasting in her wake.

I stared at the empty driveway where she'd just been, wondering what the fuck I had just stumbled upon. This girl was sure to be a challenge, but once I had her stripped and sweaty it would be more than worth it.

A kick-ass heavy metal hottie. Hello, Forbidden Fruit.


	8. Aeroplane Over The Sea

**A/N: There's some drug use in this chapter. The information isn't all accurate, so don't try it yourself. (I think it's funny, though.)**

**  
Chapter Eight - Aeroplane Over The Sea**

I was having an awesome day. I was so fucking happy, I couldn't even stop smiling.

I'd eaten an eighth of some of the best mushrooms the Earth had decided to bestow upon the human race. I felt incredible, like I was attuned to the universe.

It was a trick your body played, and I knew that; in a way I was poisoning myself and this was the reaction I received for it. Shrooms can't kill you, of course - not magic ones anyways - but that's how any drugs worked. It was extremely gratifying and spiritual.

I watched the wood grain in my floor swirl and breathe, turning shades of purple and green. I listened to CD's and watched Family Guy DVD's, laughing my ass off at the latter. My eyes followed all the lights floating around that weren't actually there. I played with Lu-Lu, rolling around with her on the ground. Then I decided to go for a walk.

Everything around me was so freaking _beautiful._ The green was everywhere, squishy and mossy and brilliant. The sky was a blue-gray, with thick white clouds blocking a portion of the sun. It was gorgeous, and for the first time I found myself appreciating the fact that this was the place I'd chosen to stay.

The streets were empty as I wandered along, smelling the moist air around me. The ocean wasn't too far from here, and I figured that's probably where I should go. I would have to drive, though, and I wanted that other chocolate bar so this would last all day.

My car ride was interesting. I didn't hit anything, so it could have been alot worse. It felt like I was driving for hours when it really only took about seven minutes.

I walked down to a slightly secluded part of the beach and sat down, digging my toes into the sand. This was definitely a good idea, even if it was stupid to drive here. But I figured I could chill here and ride out my whole trip before going back home.

I sat there for at least an hour, staring at the waves roll back and forth and listening to my iPOD. My second dose was going to peak in an hour probably, and I thought maybe I'd walk around then. No one would pay any attention to my awkward appearance; they never did back home anyways.

I started back towards my car to grab my old beat up Ibanez when my eyes flitted across some sexy muscles. I looked up the tanned and toned physique until I reached the handsome face that this body belonged to. His eyes were on me as well, making me feel nervous. Then the pretty man jogged over to me.

"Hi," he said simply with a friendly smile.

"Uhh hey," I said, feeling stupid. This really was not the time to be meeting new people.

"I'm Josh," he said as he held his hand out. "Are you new in town?"

"I'm Liz, and yeah."

"Want me to show you around?" His hand was still reached towards me, and I still wasn't going to shake it.

"No thank you." I stepped around him and kept going for my car.

"Is that your's?" he yelled rom a few feet away when I was about to open the door. "1967 Chevy camaro?" He sounded a little hysterical.

"Yep," I told him while I grabbed my guitar and kept not looking at him.

"Hey," he said, blocking my path and gently pulling my chin up. "It's okay, I already know you're on some type of psychedelic or something. It's totally cool."

I stared at him for a minute.

"Your pupils are taking up almost your entire eyeball," he explained.

I busted out laughing, struggling to stay upright. There's that peak I was waiting to hit me.

Josh started laughing too. "Got any for me?"

"No!" I giggled stupidly. "I don't even know you."

"Well will you at least hang out with me and my friends for a little while? It'd be great to get to know you."

I looked at him skeptically.

"I promise we won't bite," he smiled.

"I want to relax and play some music. Is that cool?"

"Of course." He reached for my guitar and then carried it back to where two more guys were sitting with me tagging along behind. All three were tall and built with bronze skin and dark hair. They were nice to look at, even if just for those facts alone.

I felt awkward because I was tripping really hard and they kept staring at me. So I sat down, picked up my guitar and started strumming some Tool. Josh surprised me by singing along.

"You like Tool alot?" he asked when I was finished.

"Somewhat." I eyeballed the two other guys.

"Oh, sorry Liz. This is Dave, and this is Chris," Josh told me as he pointed them out.

"Nice to meet you," I smiled. "I'm trippin' the fuck out on some mushrooms right now, if you hadn't noticed already."

They all started laughing. "I was wondering why your eyes looked so wierd," the one named Chris sputtered out.

"Yeah," I giggled. "That's usually the giveaway."

"So where are you from?" Josh asked when the laughter died down.

"Southern West Virginia," I answered quickly. "I'm an Appalachian girl, through and through," I told them proudly.

"Sounds cool," Dave said.

"Play us a country song!" Josh yelled with a hick accent.

"I don't know any country songs."

"I figured that's what people from your area were into," Josh said, looking a little stumped.

"Do I look like some dumb fucking redneck to you?" I snapped.

"No! Of course not," he said, but he didn't sem as surprised as most people did when I turned bitchy like that. Not that I was a bitch, just a girl that nobody wanted to mess with.

"Well, let's get this shit straight. _I,"_ I said, gesturing towards myself, "am a hillbetty. A metalhead. A down home girl. A mountain momma."

The guys laughed and then I continued. "I'm no Nascar-watchin', beer-hat wearin', four-wheelin' redneck. And I barely even have an accent."

"You're right about that," Josh said as they all laughed. "I didn't really see you as being some type of county girl."

"Now don't get me wrong, if somebody wants to get drunk and raise hell to some Hank or go running wild through the woods, I'll damn sure be there. But I'm still no redneck. Westerners are just gullible."

"So besides Hank and Tool, who do you like listening to?"

"Too many to explain," I told him honestly. I didn't know where to begin with all the music I enjoyed.

"That's cool, I'll find out eventually," Josh said quietly.

I knew what he was trying at, and it wasn't going to happen. I also found it amusing that he did not know that I knew what he was up to. Josh was one of those typical pretty boys, the ones that know they're good looking and try to get as much little girl play as possible. The sad thing about them is that they can usually get any girl they want but they would rather spend time on girls like me that they'll never have, or they'll get all of what they can until there's no girls around with their hearts intact and open to them at all.

That was fine though, he was cute and he wanted to flirt with me. I wouldn't be the one to tell him not to unless he tried to push for more. It always felt nice to be wanted.

I played a couple more songs and told the guys some wild stories from back home, watching the amused smiles I so easily put on their faces. They mentioned having to get to work soon, so I started saying goodbye as the sun was beginning to set behind the waves of the ocean.

"Why don't you let me take you home in your car?" Josh offered as our little goup was breaking apart. "I'll walk back afterwards."

"You don't have to do that." I didn't want him stuck walking back to La Push.

"It's no problem," he insisted while he snatched my keys from my hand.

It was quiet while he drove and that made me feel awkward with him again. I just had this strange feeling that he had some kind of intention with me that he wasn't letting on about.

I shrugged it off while he parked my car and politely told me goodnight. He didn't even ask to come inside, so I figured he couldn't be too bad.

I was still wigging out and my house felt lonely and confining. I laid around and listened to different music, trying to keep myself rom the feeling of lethargy that I felt coming on. I couldn't find anything to hold me in here and knew I'd been having a much better time outdoors, so I grabbed my acoustic again and headed out into the woods that borderd my backyard.

I couldn't really see where I was going and wouldn't have known if I could have, so it's hard to tell how deep I went. I just knew that it was dark and pretty creepy by the time I stopped walking and parked my ass on the ground to play some tunes.

_What a beautiful face, I have found in this place  
__That is circling all 'round the sun.  
__What a beautiful dream that can flash on the screen,  
__And be gone in the blink of an eye, from me  
__Soft and Sweet...  
__Let me hold it close and keep it here, with me._

_And one day we will die, and our ashes will fly  
__From the aeroplane over the sea  
__But for now we are young, let us lay in the sun  
__And count every beautiful thing we can see  
__Love to be  
__In the arms of all I'm keeping here, with me.__What a curious life we have found here tonight,  
__There is music and sounds from the street  
__There are light's in the clouds, Ana's ghost all around  
__There is music that's ringing and singing through me  
__Soft and Sweet  
__How the notes all bend and reach above the trees..._

The guitar changeup came then and I felt something off in the air around me. I was kind of scared, but alot more curious.

_How I remember you  
__I would push my fingers through  
__Your mouth, and make those muscles move  
__Make your voice so smooth and sweet.  
__Now we keep where we don't know  
__All secrets sleep in winter's clothes  
__With ones we loved so long ago,  
__Now you don't even know their names... his name... her name  
__No not at all_

_What a beautiful face I have found in this place  
__That is circling all 'round the sun.  
__When we meet on a cloud, I'll be laughing aloud  
__I'll be laughing with everyone that I see  
__Can't believe  
__How strange it is to be anything... at all_

I heard a stick snap just after the last note hung in the air, and I jumped straight up onto my feet. Now I was scared, but I wasn't going to run. I was going to hold my own because I wasn't born with any type of back-down gene.

"Sorry!" Someone yelled from just a few feet ahead in the darkness. "I didn't mean to scare you!"

A man stepped into my line of sight and my breath hitched in my throat. I'd just met three men with similar physical attributes, but they paled so much in comparison to the gorgeousness that was looking at me now.

My oxygen whooshed out of my lungs and the body of my Ibanez hit the forest floor with a light _thunk._ I studied the perfect, confused looking features of this mystery man, asking myself questions and wondering if the answers would ever matter. I could stand here forever and not worry about anything besides breathing and staring.

"Can I walk you home? It's dangerous out here," the man said, smiling like an idiot. Then my brain came back inside of my head.

"Wait. Where the hell did you come from? And why did you walk up on me knowing that I couldn't hear you over the song? And how could I let you take me home? You could be a psycho!"

"Me? A psycho?" He looked surprised for a second before that same peacefully goofy look came right back. "That song was so beautiful."

We stood there for a minute, him looking like this was just the greatest moment of his life and me looking like I couldn't figure out why the hell this dude was so happy. I mean, he was the prettiest thing I'd ever seen but that wouldn't make up for his being a dumbass.

"Liz!" he said suddenly, recognition in his eyes. Then his expression turned to confused again. "I, uh, heard about you from Josh?"

"Oh, okay," I answered, equally confused. Did he just ask me if he'd heard about me from Josh? "That guy works fast, huh? I just met him a few hours ago and he's already spreading the word about the new girl in town."

I watched a play of emotions that went from relief to horror and everything in between before he looked serene again.

"Yeah, he just told me about you before I went, um, walking through the woods," he said nervously. "So you should let me walk you back to your house whenever you're ready to go back."

"Alright," I decided after thinking it over. "I'm ready now."

He smiled beautifully and held his arm out for my hand. "It's great to meet you, Liz. My name is Seth Clearwater."


	9. The End of Heartache

**A/N: This is the end of the last chapter and more from Seth's POV.**

_**"(Seek me) For comfort,**_

_**(Call me) For solace,**_

_**(I'll be waiting) For the end of my broken heart.**_

_**(Seek me) Completion.**_

_**(Call me) I'll be waiting.**_

_**(I'll be waiting) For the end of my broken heart....."**_

_**-Killswitch Engage**_**  
**

**Chapter Nine - The End of Heartache (Seth's POV)**

_Lonely? _Jarred scoffed a little at me. _I told you it would have been easy to just go with the flow of things. You could be single for decades, now. Centuries! Literally._

_ Shut up, _was the best I could answer with. I was really lonely, just like my dear friend had pointed out for me. And I also could have waited like he'd told me to, but that didn't feel right either. I'd explained it enough times that if he didn't get it now, he probably wasn't going to.

_Nope, _he thought smugly.

I created a scenario in my head involving him dating some nice girl when he shifted the first time and then having to let her go so quickly and easily for Kim.

_Seems like a fair trade, _he answered, his brain swirling lovingly around the only girl he'd want for the rest of his life. I thought again of the other girl, the one that had to be left behind, and my own sister was now who I saw; a once beautiful face turned bitter, a pair of lifeless eyes and a line where a smile once was.

_I get it, _Jarred sighed. _It's ten now, we should be set free soon._

_ Go ahead, I'll wait for the others before I head home. _He was the only one of the two of us that really had something to come home to.

Jarred phased a moment later, but my solitude was very short-lived. My mind was quickly assaulted with two other minds - memories of a full fun day at First Beach, starting off with just Chris, Dave and Josh, but then including a young girl that I'd seen in Josh's head the day before.

_Liz, _Chris thought, his brain staying on an image of the girl. She was definitely good looking from what I'd seen of her so far, and Pimp Master Extroardinaire - also known as Josh - was already into her. Of course.

_Why do you care? She'd never get with you. _Dave was seeing the girl as being someone special, someone different. He was also replaying a nice view of her cleavage that he'd seen earlier, but that was just Dave. Decifering horny boy thoughts was getting easier every day.

_Dumbass, _Chris thought to me as he decided to just ignore me and focus on his conversation. Dave followed with the blocking me out, so I was just a bystander for a few minutes of some creepy conversation about some poor unsuspecting girl. I tried to block most of it out.

I felt the presence of another that pricked my curiosity, but more thoughts of this new girl let me know that it had to be Josh. He was remembering her smiling and playing songs on a red guitar, and wondering when he would see her again. His memory flashed to just the girls eyes, big and blue with a streak of brown and thickly rimmed with black - the same image I'd seen of her in his head the day before. Those were the most striking eyes I'd ever seen in my whole life.

_She's mine, _Josh snapped, so I rolled my eyes, phased, and put some shorts on. I wasn't in the mood to argue with any of them, especially over some girl that I'd never even met before. Did they really think I would try to take her away from Josh?

She was just some girl, to me and to everybody else that had no idea who she was. They knew I thought she was pretty - maybe the word 'pretty' being an understatement - but still. Once Josh got one hand in the cookie jar, he'd surely empty the whole thing out.

I was stomping and huffing towards my house, pissed at the stupid Three Musketeers, pissed that I was walking home right now on two legs, and pissed that the only reason I couldn't get home within five minutes was because I was so pissed.

And that's when I heard a light hum of music somewhere in the distance, a song I didn't recognize that seemed to curl and swell around inside of me. I really didn't want to go to it, or I didn't think I did anyways, but something in me felt so drawn towards the sound that my feet just picked up and pulled me closer.

My eyes spotted her out instantly.... and my whole world crumbled to pieces around me.

I didn't care about anything.

I didn't care about myself.

I didn't care about my family or anyone else. I _couldn't _anymore. Nothing mattered in the world except for this perfect woman, sitting on the forest floor and playing a song that I loved even though I'd never heard it before.

The song ended and again, I just couldn't help myself - I stepped forward and she jumped lithely to her feet in fear. I waited for just a second to see if she was going to run, but she just stood there scanning the darkness with her eyes.

_Those eyes...._

"Sorry!" I yelled as I took another step. "I didn't mean to scare you!"

Now she could see me and she didn't look so scared. She just studied me as I studied her, and I took in all the things that fuzzy memories hadn't shown me. She had freckles across her high cheek bones and the bridge of her nose, and her bottom lip was fuller than her top. She had wide shoulders and hips, though her waist was tiny; she couldn't weigh more than a hundred pounds or so.

Suddenly, I saw her as fragile. Breakable. Priceless. Imagine all the things that could happen to someone so little....

"Can I walk you home? It's dangerous out here," I told her in an attempt at seriousness, failing miserably. I couldn't really help but feel happy right now, though. My whole life was complete.

"Wait," she finally said, and her voice had a tiny little Southen accent that most people probably never noticed. "Where the hell did you come from? And why did you walk up on me knowing that I couldn't hear you over the song? And how could I let you take me home? You could be a psycho!" She yelled.

"Me? A psycho?" Was I crazy? I didn't think so. Crazy over this feeling right now, maybe, crazy over....

"Liz!" I remembered suddenly. I'd been thinking about this girl minutes before seeing her face to face, and it still didn't register that this was the same girl, Liz. The new girl.

Josh's girl? That made me feel sick. "I, uh, heard about you from Josh?"

"Oh, okay," she answered. "That guy works fast, huh? I just met him a few hours ago and he's already spreading the word about the new girl in town." I was glad to not see her smile big or giggle at the mention of his name or any of that other crap. She just looked confused. There may still be hope for us yet!

"Yeah, he just told me about you before I went, um, walking through the woods." Did that really just come out sounding as stupid to her as it did to me? "So you should let me walk you back to your house whenever you're ready to go back."

She looked down at the ground and then at her guitar before looking back at me. "Alright, I'm ready now."

I smiled at her as she wrapped a tiny cold hand around my upper arm. "It's great to meet you, Liz." Greatest thing ever, actually. "My name is Seth Clearwater."

"My last name is Collins," she laughed. "So what did you hear about me, then?"

"Not much of anything, just that you had moved into the old Hill place," I scrambled for an explanation. She had me a little flustered and it was hard to keep eveything straight. "Where did you move here from?"

"West Virginia," she said too easily. Everyone she'd met so far had probably asked her that first.

She wasn't trying to make conversation and I couldn't stand the awkwardness of silence, so I tried again. "Why did you come to live here?"

"It's hard to explain," she said with a shake of her head. "I just kind of followed the road, I guess. This was where it ended."

Her steps paused for a second and she looked up at me, causing my heart to thump wildly against my ribcage. I had not yet seen her up so close, in so much detail, and she was the most glorious creature I could ever even hope of seeing. The second half of the assault was the way the smell of her - cherry pie a la mode - wafted straight up my nose, causing my mouth to water.

She smiled and lowered her eyebrows. "Why are you looking at me like that?" She asked as she turned forward and started walking again.

"Sorry... I...uh...." I took a deep breath. Honesty is the best policy, right? "I heard that you were really pretty, I just wasn't really expecting...umm... you know." Something close to honesty would have to be enough for now.

"Oh, I get it," she giggled. "I guess the way you looked sort of surprised me too, even after meeting three guys that were built like you. I just didn't really expect every guy from La Push to be a foot taller than me," she finished with a laugh. I looked down at her feet, then to her head to mentally measure her. She was actually pretty tall, at least five foot seven.

"Yeah, you're probably more used to normal sized people," I joked back, ecstatic that she was allowing me to be around her for this long. She laughed but said nothing else.

We stepped through the trees that bordered her back lawn and she dropped her hand from my arm. She looked at her empty palm and then touched my arm again. "Damn, it must be colder than I thought out here!"

"Nah, it's me. I run a little warmer than usual."

"Oh," she said as we walked toward the back porch. She stopped at the bottom step, propped her guitar against her side and sat down, giving me a better chance to really see her.

She looked like an angel in the moonlight.

"Fuck!" She said as she lit up a cigarette. "What time is it?"

"Almost eleven," I told her as I tried to keep my cool. I didn't want to be away from her yet.

"I have to go in a minute, I promised my best friend I'd call her tonight and catch her up on my escapades," she giggled. She seemed so effortless and comfortable, even though she didn't know me. I hoped that meant this situation could go smoothly for us.

She stood up and tossed her cigarette, and I felt some wierd seperation anxiety coming on. "What are you doing tomorrow?" I blurted out before she could open her mouth to say goodbye.

She didn't even look surprised. "I'm not sure yet. You can come by and see if you want."

"I think I will," I answered with a smile.

"Good night, Seth. It was good to meet you." She turned on her heel then and disappeared, not giving me a chance to tell her good night as well. I stood there with my mouth open for a few seconds before I started sulking back off into the woods.

I sat down where she couldn't see me, ready for staying right here all night. I didn't know how to contain all the feelings that were now inside of me, things that had never been there until just moments ago when I laid my eyes on her.

She was beautiful, and perfect, and she was meant for only me. I knew nothing else about her, but it was enough for her to already have my heart.


	10. Miasma

**A/N: Underage drinking involved, although if you read the mushroom chapter I kind of doubt that this will bother you : )**

_**"I can never recall  
What it was I had ever to strive for?  
As a youth, was it just to exist autonomously?  
No, we don't wanna work  
We just wanna fuck, swallow pills, and forget our curses!!**_

_**No, we don't need pigs like you!**_  
_**We follow the laws of our emptying veins**_  
_**In this world of nothing for me**_  
_**I'd be sooner destroyed**_

_**Vampire youth**_  
_**Raise your cups to the never-waning moon**_  
_**Let its visage ring true!**_  
_**To the hearts cold and blue**_  
_**We're dying each moment free**_

_**We're all animals here**_  
_**Flesh and blood, bone and dream**_  
_**We're just impulses here**_  
_**Just another piece of shit in the storm**_  
_**Just another piece of shit!**_

_**SHIT!**_

_**From the smelling of things it appears**_  
_**This shit has come to a boil**_  
_**Nighttime we shall rule as our own**_  
_**While this hollow will sleep**_  
_**We shall bark at the moon**_

_**In this world of nothing for me**_  
_**I'd be sooner destroyed**_  
_**In this world there is nothing for us**_  
_**But the sound, but the sound!**_

_**Vampire youth**_  
_**Raise your cups to the never-waning moon**_  
_**Let its visage ring true!**_  
_**To the hearts cold and blue**_  
_**We're dying each moment**_

_**We'll never sleep again**_  
_**We'll be going fucking mad**_  
_**Sin and Hell is all we will ever know**_  
_**Just another piece of shit."**_

_**-Miasma, Black Dahlia Murder**_

**Chapter Ten - Miasma **

Seth Clearwater. What a fucking trip that guy had been.

Not that I didn't like him; he seemed like a really nice guy. He was fucking _gorgeous._ He kind of seemed like he liked me, too. Which was a good thing, because he'd stirred up something wierd inside of me while we'd walked through the darkness together.

Something that I couldn't really put my finger on, but it felt important. When he smiled at me I had this sense of completion that I couldn't at all understand.

My thoughts were interrupted by my phone, something that happened to me way too much. My brain should have the time to finish sentences every now and then.

"Hello?" I didn't recognize the number and it didn't have the normal three-oh-four area code.

"Hey there," his voice answered.

"How'd you get my number?" I asked suddenly. I didn't remember giving it to him.

"I'm sneaky," he answered with a smile in his voice. "Actually, Dan Quail invented this thing called the internet...." He trailed off while I laughed. "So how are you on this lovely morning, Liz?"

"Fine," I told him simply.

"Do you only go by Liz? No Eliza-"

"Do not call me that!" I hated that name. Mom was lucky it could be shortened down to something handlable.

"So just Liz then?"

"Yeah, unless you can come up with a nickname that's appropriate," I giggled while Luna hopped up and laid down beside of me.

"What did they call you back home?"

"Tons of shit, but usually Legs." I started stroking Lu-Lu's fur and she rolled over lazily.

"Legs? I guess it makes sense. I'll try to be original and come up with my own." He was breathing in these long distant huffs like he'd just run somewhere.

"So was there a particular reason why you called?" I asked him.

"Can't two friends just call to talk?" I rolled my eyes at that one while Josh laughed at his own stupidity. "I was actually going to see what your plans were for the day."

As soon as he said the word plans, he jogged my memory and a smile lit up my face. "I have no idea, but last night I met your friend Seth and maybe I'll hang out with him some."

"Seth?" He sounded agitated.

"Yeah, I forgot he told me he might stop by today."

"You met him after I saw you last night?"

"Yeah," I laughed as I remembered. "After you dropped me off I went walking through the woods and he just came up out of nowhere wanting me to let him walk me back home."

I waited for Josh to answer, then started picking at the tips of my hair out of boredom and nervousness. Silence was usually deafening to me.

"Want to hang out with me first?" he finally asked while I heard someone knocking on my front door.

"Is that you?" I asked him as I made my way through my house. He didn't answer, and somehow I knew it wasn't going to be him on the other side of the door.

"I'll call you again later. I mean, if you want me to," Josh offered as I opened the door.

"Okay. Later." I flipped my phone shut and smiled at Seth. I was startled by how happy I felt to just see him here.

He smiled back, his whole face lighting up with brightness. "I didn't interrupt anything, did I?"

"No, it's cool. Josh found my phone number somehow." He was still standing on the porch, so I moved aside so he could make his way in. "Want something to eat?"

"No," he laughed, a deep but youthful sound that I instantly liked. "I'll have to let you get to know me before you're subjected to that type of debauchery. I'd rather get to know you a little today."

"Why?"

"Because... you're new in town and you could use some friends. My friends will treat you like family, so you'll have people around that you know you can trust." He looked so certain of himself, and every time his eyes caught mine his expression went wonky again.

"Trust?" I said, slightly dazed after studying his deep green, brown and gold flecked eyes.

"Yeah," he said easily, staring back at me. "Trust."

I lowered my eyes from his to clear my mind. "I don't really trust anybody." I looked up at him again. "You know, it's alot easier to get to know someone if I can get a couple of drinks," I told him honestly. I was just naturally wound up too tight to have some guy I barely knew trying to get to know me in the livingroom of a home I wasn't even used to.

"There's a bar about thirty miles from here that I like to play pool at."

I smiled at him. "I'll get my stuff."

Twenty minutes later we were flying down the freeway blasting some Mazzaroth, an ode to my boys back home. Seth seemed scared by my driving, but I was not handing him the keys. Road trips were kind of my thing. Along with drinking and rocking out and partying way too hard for someone my size.

"Hey, I heard this on your phone before. What all does he say?"

I laughed while Seth held on tight through a sharp curve. "He says, 'Whiskey sippin' mountain momma, In them tall black boots. She's got a thirty eight pistol, And she knows how to shoot!" I sang along with my favorite CD. "She's got a blank name-space left, in her new tattoo. And if you play your cards right boy, she'll be waitin' there for you!"

"Didn't you say you know these guys?"

"They're from my neck of the woods. That song is actually about me," I told him, just as proud now as when they made it for me.

"Yours?" He yelled back over the music.

"Yeah! I met Darrell once at a friend's house, then we met up again two days later down at the river. The river is what he's calling Hell's Half Acre," I explained while he nodded. "So anyways, he says that's the night he decided to be in love with me or whatever, but after we partied down he thought for some reason that he wouldn't get to see me much more, so he wrote a song about that whole night."

"Her lips taste of marmalade, got a heart like the apocalypse. You want blood, brother she'll make it rain with a prick From her fingertip..." he quoted, looking as if he was questioning something as he spoke.

"White thighs, black fishnets. Got a thing for killing innocents, She walks followed by the fires of hell And you're stepping into it," I quoted back, smiling at him for a moment.

"Take this next exit," he said happily. This guy seemed to be pretty bouyant compared to most people. It was refreshing, considering that I was the eternal pessimist.

When I was parked in an empty spot at what seemed to be a decent establishment for getting fucked up, I opened up my visor to check out my makeup and started smoothing my clothes.

"You look beautiful," Seth said quietly just before stepping out of the car. A moment later, he was opening up my door and holding my hand as I stepped out. A girl could get spoiled with too much of that gentlemen stuff.

We walked in side by side but not touching, and Seth seemed tense after we flashed our I.D.'s and started towads the bar. I plopped down on a stool and watched as he sat down slowly beside of me, a look of avarice painting his usually kind features.

"What's wrong?" I asked him as the bar tender noticed us and began wrapping up his conversation with a different patron.

"All these guys are staring at you," he answered.

"What can I get for you two?" The bartender asked with a smile.

I looked at Seth who just shrugged, then smiled back at the old man. "Two Irish Car Bombs and two Cherry Bombs," I told him without hesitation.

The man laughed while he grabbed some glasses from under the bar. "Lookin' for a party, little girl?" he ventured.

"Maybe..." I told him as I looked around to find all these guys that were supposedly staring at me.

"Seth!" I laughed, smacking him in the shoulder when I spotted the ten to fifteen men that were occupying the small club. "Those guys aren't staring because they think I'm hot. They just know how to spot their own kind."

"How are you their own kind?" he asked skeptically.

"They're wearing band t-shirts," I told him matter-of-factly. Why would it matter if they were interested in me anyways? I was single.

I grabbed the cherry bomb that had just been sat in front of me and walked right over to the biggest cluster of guys that were all playing pool.

"Who DJ's in this place?"

One of the guys smiled and pointed towards the tiny sound booth that was currently pumping out some kind of jazzy tune. Don't get me wrong, I loved all music, but certain occasions called for certain jams.

I went for the booth next and popped the door open. The man inside looked surprised, then kind of excited. I just handed him a CD and told him that I'd _really _love it so much if he would play it through for me.

I laughed internally as I exited the booth with a sweet sounding goodbye; men were so easy. It was amazing what a small outfit, a smile and a hair flip could get for you in this world. And whatever it couldn't get for you, money always could.

I went back to my seat beside of Seth, who seemed to be brooding over my absence.

"Hey," I told him as some Black Dahlia Murder started blasting through the bar. "Have some fuckin' fun with me!"

I downed both drinks at once, ordered up three shots of tequila and jumped into the small mosh pit that had formed during Miasma. I felt gratified knowing that I could always tell a true crowd of headbangers.

"This is crazy!" Seth yelled when he made his way to me as we both blocked fists and elbows. "Is this what you usually do for fun? Drink at bars and get big men all riled up with crazy music?!"

"Why the fuck not?" I yelled back, punching a burly man in the jaw. He just shrugged it off and slung an elbow at Seth's chest, which was about even with the guy's head. Those Quileute boys were built big and tough as nails.

Seth looked confused, then happy like he usually was. 'Everything Went Black' started blaring and he started head banging and throwing punches through the room, too. I yelled to him about how I'd partied with this band about two weeks ago at a show in North Carolina, and he looked awed.

The chaos ensued late into the night, well past the point of our little group dragging their drunken feet sluggishly behind them. It was no huge metalfest, but it was pretty damn fun. The crowd was dispersing now while I sat next to Seth and tried to keep my inebriated body upright.

"How can you drink that much?" Seth was asking me animatedly. I'd even beat him with the shots.

"I used to drink alot," I laughed. "I mean ALOT, alot. I've been running wild for a pretty damn long time."

"How old are you? I mean, you look really young so you couldn't have been doing this for too long."

"Ha! Don't fucking kid yourself, sweetheart. I'm eightteen years old, but I've been partying down just like this for the past six years."

He stared at me like he was trying to process the sentence. "You started drinking when you were twelve years old?" He asked as if it was the most alien thing he'd ever heard in his life.

"I've been doin' a whole lot more than drinking since that age," I told him as I tossed back another shot.

"Where were your parents?" he asked, still in shock.

"Parent," I corrected. There'd always only been the one. "Mom liked to have fun too, and she never kept tabs on me, never grounded me or any of that bullshit. She let me pick up and move out of her house when I was fourteen. And she'd let me come back whenever I wanted, too. I just grew up without any rules."

"Did she know what you were up to?" His tone of voice reminded me of a teacher or some other kind of authority figure. It was making me grind my teeth together.

"Yes, Seth, she did. She knew when I came home drunk because she'd usually find me taking a piss in the front yard or something. And she knew I smoked pot because I'd do it right in front of her. And she knew about the coke and the pills because she found plates with cards and straws on them. And she knew about the L25 and the ecstasy and shrooms because I'd wander around in her house tripping out once a week for about five years straight." I was in his face then and he was looking a bit scared, but he needed to know why he shouldn't pry so damn much.

"And she knew when I started getting the great hookups and selling all the shit, because I got arrested for it and spent three months in lockup while they plastered pictures of me on the evening news. So Mom pretty much knows how the fuck I do my shit, okay?"

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean - " he started quickly, holding his hands up in defense. "I really want to apologize, but I just still can not believe at all that a human as tiny as you could do that many drugs and be sitting in front of me all vibrant and beautiful right now."

I giggled in spite of my anger, and Seth's face softened in return. It was hard to be angry with a gorgeous man that's throwing out compliments like that.

"You'd be surprised how much a girl like me can handle. It's all in the upbringing," I told him as I took another sip from my Cherry Bomb.

"What made you turn out the way that you are then?" He asked in a way that was simply interested and not at all condescending.

"I had too much freedom, too many older friends, way too much bad knowledge, and I looked pretty much just like I do now when I was about fourteen. Plus my liking of the parties," I laughed as I tapped my glass to his and we shared a cheers.

He leaned closer to me and looked in my eyes in a way that felt very close and intimate, despite the immaturity of our relationship. "I think there's alot more to you than whatever it is that you did growing up. I think there's more to you than being a wild party girl."

"Maybe I'll let you find out," I said, so obviously being a flirt. I didn't know what was getting to me so much about this particular man, but he was making my stomach feel bubbly.

"I sure hope you do," he smiled, tossing back the rest of his glass. "Until you decide, though, why don't I buy you another drink?"

I watched him walk towards the bar, wondering what in the world I was getting myself into.


	11. Goddamn Electric

**A/N: To quote libertycaps666 from YouTube, My trust is in whiskey and weed and Pantera. Check out the song.**

**Chapter Eleven - Goddamn Electric**

I woke up lazily, working out the tension in my body before bothering to open up my eyes. I felt like I did on many mornings: hungover from the night before. My head was pounding and my stomach ached, but I knew I could easily get through it. I just needed to grab the bottle of wine I'd stashed under the kitchen sink a few days before.

I finally opened my eyes and rolled over, but it wasn't my bedroom that I was in this morning. The walls were blue instead of the purple-gray I was used to, and there were no posters, no candles... It took a few seconds of observation to realize I'd never seen this bedroom before at all.

"Seth! Your woman is awake!" I heard a girl yelling from a different room, probably equally as unfamiliar as this one. Her words sent a wave of shock, fear and disappointment through me until my memory caught up with me. Seth had driven me here instead of home and had been a perfect gentlemen, letting me have his bed while he slept on the couch downstairs.

I had company all the time, and none of them would ever have once been able to talk me out of my nice warm bed.

The door to what I now knew was Seth's bedroom popped open, and he walked in all smiles and handsomeness.

"Good morning, beautiful," he said happily. He sat down on the edge of the bed and played with the ends of my hair as I put two fingers to each temple and tried to massage away the pulsating ache in my skull.

"Hangover?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"I have to get home," I told him, my voice scratchy from last night. I smiled at him as I crawled out of his bed. "Did you have fun?"

"Yeah, it was a little different than what I'm used to," he said brightly. "But definitely awesome. I had no idea you would be into death metal."

I laughed as I pulled my shoes on. "Really? That's usually one of the first things people tend to notice about me. And they're not death metal"

He handed me my keys and we both started out of the room. "Well, when I met you you were playing something a whole lot different."

"I love all music, I guess, but I'm a little crazy so I need crazy music. I can play metal, too. I can play anything, actually."

I was smiling and leading the way down his stairs when someone cleared their throat. I turned my head and saw two women staring me down in a protective way. One was not much older than me, and so beautiful that it was harder to concentrate on the shorter, older figure that had to be Seth's mother.

Talk about fucking awkward.

"Um, Liz, this is my mom," Seth said as he gestured towards her. "And this is my sister, Leah," he said more nervously, waving his hand towards the beauty.

"Hi," I said quickly with a nod. I didn't like moments like this; I wanted the hell out of this wierd house.

"I'm going to drive Liz home," Seth said from behind while I plotted the quickest escape.

"You are?" I asked, spinning around. Seth just smiled, so I grabbed his hand and tugged for the door. "Nice to meet you guys!" I yelled over my shoulder as I bolted for the car. Seth could come over for a little while, but nobody but me was driving this car.

We both slid easily into our seats. "What was that about?" Seth asked, trying to hold back laughter.

"I don't have to deal with any walk of shame bullshit," I told him as I pulled into the street. "They looked like they were wondering who in the hell I was, and why in the fuck I happened to wake up in their house this lovely morning. I figured out was the best way to go on that one."

"They wouldn't judge you like that," he answered a bit defensively.

"It's not judgment. Just human nature. They both know how some girls are, girls that don't give a fuck and don't respect themselves enough. They have to make sure you don't end up with one of those girls." If only they knew just what type of girl _I _happened to be.

I pulled onto my dirt road, slowing down to take in the scenery and the coolness that settled in the shade here.

"Leah thinks every girl is one of those," he quipped. "She'll like you, though. It's impossible not to."

I parked at the house then and looked over at him, the feeling of his eyes on me making me nervous. He was staring happily, smiling wide with this contentment in his eyes that I couldn't understand. It was like he just kept realizing again every few minutes that the Earth is precious or something. I figured if I kept staring back that he would look away, but he just kept gazing on at me like my face was a map of the stars.

"Mazzaroth," I laughed.

"Huh?" he asked, snapping out of it. Finally.

"I just had a thought about a map of the stars and I remembered what it was called. Mazzaroth."

"The band you were friends with?" He was still stumped.

"That's where their name came from."

He got it then without further explanation, so I hopped out of the car and went for the house. I hadn't actually invited Seth, but I assumed he would follow me if he was hanging out here. He did, so I grabbed everything I'd need to make it through a morning and then joined him on the livingroom floor, emptying my arms of all the stuff.

Seth picked up the tomato juice, eyeing me questioningly.

"Get's rid of the hangover," I told him. "It's actually better if you drink some the night you get drunk," I laughed. I hated Klomatos, but it worked.

"Do you smoke?" I asked him while I popped the lid off my little stash box.

"Cigarette's make me cough," he said flippantly, smelling the tomato juice.

"I wasn't talking about a cigarette." I hit my bowl and blew my hit at him.

"You smoke pot?" he asked, surprised as a PTA Mom at a sex-shop. I wasn't sure if I should laugh at his attitude towards my lifestyle, or if I should hit him and tell him to open his damn eyes up to the world we lived in.

I chose to laugh, since I wasn't really into the violence thing. And I almost sort of liked how he was so innocent as to see something the matter in smoking some weed. I'd burst his bubble again some other day.

"Have you never done it before?" I ventured. I actually wouldn't have been surprised at this point if he said no.

"Once or twice," he lied and I busted out laughing again. Despite my previous thought, it still caught me off guard. This kid must have been so _sheltered._

"How old are you, Seth?!"

"Twenty-four," he sniffed, looking almost ashamed. I felt bad for laughing at him.

"Don't be upset," I tried to tell him.

"It's fine - " he started to say, waving his hand at the subject.

"No, seriously. You should be proud of yourself. You're probably the first person I've hung out with in the past few years that isn't always on some type of drug," I told him honestly.

He stared at the bowl as I took another puff. "Seems like you and I are from two totally different worlds."

I nodded my head in response, because that was definitely the truth. "I kind of thought since you hung out with...." I actually could not remember that guy's name.

Big build, black hair, brown eyes, tan skin.... it was...

"Josh?" Seth saved me from my prolonged brain fart.

"Yeah, him. I thought you would be more used to being around this type of stuff. When I met him he knew all about music and psychedelics."

"Psyche - what?" he asked, earning an eye roll from me.

"Never mind," was all I could come up with. I wasn't even getting started trying to explain all that.

"I like music, though!" Seth said excitedly. His moods seemed to rub off easily on me, which was fun because he was always so enthusiastic about simple things.

I got to my feet quickly. "Follow me," I said with a smile. I'd been dying to show somebody all the new equipment I'd picked up. It just so happened that about ninety-eight percent of the people I knew that would give a shit were hundreds of miles away from me and my badass gear.

I led him down the stairs into the finished basement, pushing on lights as I passed. I'd had people come and make this house into perfection before I came to move in; both levels had been painted and installed with new flooring and lighting, all to my specifications. Every room had also been fully furnished in a very unique way. I thought it was a nice step from living with my mother.

"Is that you?" Seth asked. He was looking at a painting I'd done of myself about four months ago, one of the best pieces in my opinion. It always drew attention because I was technically naked, though you couldn't see anything private.

For the first time since I'd hung it on Ana's wall, I actually felt embarassed of the portrait. Everyone that noticed it before would make a joke or say something nice about my skills, but Seth was staring at it like it was either the most disgusting or the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen before, and it was most likely the former. He made me feel like I was low class or something.

I shuffled my feet into the next part of the basement, the reason I'd brought him down here in the first place. He showed up beside me again instantly, smiling like he normally did. I flipped on one last light, bringing all my shiny new toys to view.

"Wow!" Seth said, so joyed by things he didn't understand. "That's alot of instruments!"

"Yeah..." I contemplated trying to explain amps and P.A.'s and brand names to him and decided that it wasn't possible. I just wasn't made to be any type of teacher.

"Will you play me something?" His eyes were boring into mine and it was freaking me out. It was so hard to pull away - maybe because some part of me didn't feel like it wanted to. It was like a suicide Tuesday when you kept trying to move any part of you but your body refused. Except alot more intense.

I mentally smacked myself and whipped my head out of the grasp his gaze had on me. Why the hell did this guy make me so fucking nervous?!? I didn't even feel like myself when he was around. He was nothing like me, and I wasn't sure if we would ever understand eachother.

I threw a strap across my shoulders and flipped the power switches, trying to ignore the way Seth kept making me feel like I was wierd. To me, _he _was the wierd one. He was naive. And kindhearted. His spirit seemed young.

"What's that song?" he asked, reminding me he was still in the same room. My thoughts liked to carry me away sometimes.

I watched my fingers playing for another second. "Five Minutes Alone."

"Who is it by?"

"Pantera."

He nodded while his eyes stayed glued to my left hand, then my right, then my left. I started playing a different song as his eyes strayed to my face for just an instant before resuming their pace.

"Who's this one?" he asked again.

"Pantera," I laughed as he nodded again. I was beginning to notice this pattern between us where everything I told him that I assumed he understood, he actually had no clue about. "You've never heard of Pantera before, have you?"

"No," he answered hesitantly. He probably expected me to laugh again.

"Well Seth, your life is officially making me sad." I pulled my guitar strap off and walked over to my laptop. "You keep saying you want to learn about me, so this is a good start."

He strolled over and watched as I looked down my media list until I found all the Pantera.

"Why do they matter?" he asked skeptically.

"For an angry little kid growing up in the nineties, Pantera was like fuel on a fire," I laughed. "They were the most popular thrash band for a decade straight. Like an answer to alot of pissed off prayers."

'I'm Broken' started playing as Seth followed me back to my bean-bag chair pile.

"Now, please enlighten me. What is it that you like to do?"

"I work nights," he answered quickly. "Other than that I just sleep and hang out with my friends."

"What do you do with your friends?" I pushed further. I had no idea what he liked.

"We fix up cars, and in the summer we go cliff diving."

I waited for him to say more, but I guess that was all he would give me to go off of. Cars and jumping into water.

"What do you do for a living?" Maybe that would provide some insight.

"That's the fixing up stuff. I'm a mechanic."

I put my face into my hands. "There has to be more than that. What can you and I do if you want to hang out with me? What do we have in common?"

"I can play a little guitar," he said slyly. He walked back to my propped up B.C. Rich and put it around his shoulder. When he started playing, I instantly recognized the song.

"You said you'd never heard it before!" I accused.

"I just have to imitate the way you did it," he answered simply before putting the guitar back down.

"No way. Nobody could pick it up that fast." I was damn good at playing, and I had damn good teachers from the moment I picked up a guitar, and that riff had still taken me two days to get right. He'd just strummed it out perfectly.

"Seriously." He smiled," My eyes are quick."

"Okay." I figured I should test him out, so I picked my baby back up. I handed him my Les Paul and plugged him up. I thought of a song that he never in his life could have possibly heard and played it, just a little slower than normal.

"Try it," I told him.

And he actually did. And he actually got it _right. _

"That's crazy!" I played the same notes faster and went farther into the song. Seth waited for me to finish and copied my notes exactly, not even seeming to think about it.

This was impossible. I was witnessing a musical phenomenon.

I played the entire song, full speed without stopping. The second I was finished, Seth busted it back out on me, not skipping a single string.

I stared at him in awe for a few seconds. "That is the craziest thing I have ever seen!" I yelled stupidly. "That is not an easy song!"

"I liked it," he smiled. He started playing the beginning again. "Hey, you should give me lessons!" He looked like he might start jumping up and down if I didn't answer fast enough.

"Okay," I agreed. "Let's start now." I twisted a few pegs on his guitar, strumming chirds to test it out. "Now you're tuned the same as Dime was."

I hooked my laptop up to my P.A. and started playing along, Seth following me effortlessly. I started jamming out, singing along with a song well suited to my own life.

_There is a part of me that's always sixteen  
I've found the secret of eternal youth  
Some get high on life or money, but there's an  
Escape, drop out of the race!  
To walk through the world by ones self, you can't  
Be protected... your trust is in whiskey and weed  
And Black Sabbath - It's Goddamn Electric_

_Don't waste your time, embrace it_  
_And then you'll know yourself_  
_The change in you is Goddamn Electric_

_The weight of the world has lifted and parted_  
_My eyes roll blind to sights that distracted_  
_Through tunnel-vision and dope-hair blinders_  
_I'll cut a path and evoke my will!_  
_To walk through the world by ones self, you can't_  
_Be protected... your trust is in whiskey and weed_  
_And Slayer - It's Goddamn Electric_

_Don't fake your life - inhale it._  
_And then you'll know yourself_  
_The change in you is Goddamn Electric_  
_Don't waste your time, embrace it_  
_And then you'll know yourself_  
_The change that is Goddamn Electric_  
_Will focus the Mind's Eye..._

_One hand on the bottle, the other a shaking_  
_Fist, rejuvinated, isolated, no pressure_  
_From the outside, my sight's Goddamn Electric_  
_And these eyes have seen a world_  
_Goddamn Electric system..._


	12. Hatfield

**Chapter Twelve - Hatfield (Seth's POV) **

"It looks like your pupil is bleeding into the the blue of your eye," I told her lovingly, my mouth full of cheesy crackers.

She drew her eyebrows together for a moment before smoothing them back out. "Um, thanks? I think."

"It's a compliment," I clarified. "It's unique, and beautiful." And that summed up Liz herself, from a simple perspective anyways.

I'd been following her around like crazy for almost three days, trying my hardest to figure out this situation. How was I going to explain the imprint to her without freaking her out? It had seemed alot easier for the others before me. Their girls had taken the whole wolf thing like a grain of salt.

But I had no clue how Liz would react. I still couldn't figure out the simplest things about her; this girl was more complicated than that five thousand piece jigsaw Mom got me for Christmas when I was thirteen that I'd still never finished. Picking her brain was getting easier, but I still felt like I was at square one.

"Do you always do that? I thought I was the only one," she said quietly, happily. I'd started noticing a ton of little things that I loved about her, like how you could always tell if she was smiling just by the sound of her voice. She was expressive, to say the least.

"Do what?" I asked, staring at her right shoe.

"Get totally lost in your own thoughts," she giggled, kicking the same foot back and forth towards me. Her toenails and fingernails were an almost see-through pink with gold glitter, so I naturally found myself liking the colors way more than any fully-grown man should.

"Sorry," I frowned. I was fighting to make her like me, not to make her think I was quiet and creepy.

I smelled a wet dog, just before one came stampeding through the back of the house.

"Lu-Lu!" Liz yelled excitedly at the young female husky. The dog looked equally as happy to see my girl, until she noticed me in the room. Lu-Lu quickly placed herself between me and Liz, growling and allowing her hair to rise up her spine.

"Luna, what the fuck?" Liz asked, tugging on the dog's collar. She pulled her away until she had the dog's attention again, then she picked her up in her arms and carried her off to a different room. "Sorry about her," she said as she came back to the kitchen.

"Oh, that's fine." In a dog fight, I would definitely kick that husky's ass.

"She's usually a sweetheart." Liz dumped my empty plate into the trash, picked up a box and headed towards her livingroom. I was growing a huge appreciation for her house, after realizing she'd designed it all herself. It might help me to understand her better.

Liz sat down in front of her entertainment system and started pulling video tapes out of the box she'd brought from the kitchen.

"Need some help?" She'd unpacked pretty much everything by herself already.

She started laughing. "I forgot about most of these," she said as she looked at the tapes. I sat down beside of her in the floor and pulled out a couple of tapes.

"Serpent Handlers of WV," I read off the first tape. "WV Metalfest, Hellstock 2007, Byzantine and Lamb of God." I started a pile beside of me, but Liz grabbed the top video.

"I forgot I taped this!" she said jubilantly as she placed the tape in her old VCR. It started to rewind noisily while she waited.

"They're bands, right?" I guessed.

"Yeah. Byzantine is from Charleston, we had alot of mutual friends. Lamb of God is fucking awesome."

"They named themselves after Jesus?" I asked, surprised. Again. When would everything she said stop shocking me?

"Yeah!" she laughed. "That's fuckin' metal!"

The tape clicked and started playing from the beginning while Liz leaned back onto her elbows to watch the show. I leaned back with her, and when the lights on the screen came on, a younger version of the woman beside me walked onto a stage.

"I hosted," she laughed. I watched the television as she introduced the first band and then descended into the large sea of people below her.

"How old were you?"

"Fifteen, I think. They paid me two hundred dollars to do this shit," she laughed. "And to wear that outfit. This was Byzantine's first album," she informed me, turning up the volume as her eyes stayed glued to the screen.

Four guys in their early thirties took position on the stage, one stepping forward from the rest with a guitar around his upper body. He was bald with a long goatee.

"Thanks Legs, everybody give our girl a hand," he began. "She's hot but don't touch her guys." The crowd erupted in laughter, whistling and talking. I wasn't sure if I liked this guy or not. Liz shook her head and rolled her eyes at the man.

"Horns up, motherfuckers!" the leader yelled. "This song is called... Hatfield," he growled just before his band started playing the hell out of their instruments.

"Listen to this one, and I don't care at all if you ignore the rest," Liz said as she turned the volume up a little more. It was hard to make out what the guy was singing, but she started singing along so I understood.

_Help, I've been detained  
By these mountains that so poorly raised me.  
Burned out huffing gasoline,  
The redneck that I'm spose to be  
Fuck that I'm stronger than my history  
In pesticide I hide  
These West Virginia hills can't sedate me!_

_Kill your family tree, this soil is diseased!_

_My will is broken._  
_The black lungs have swallowed me._  
_Viva Villa Long live the picket line in me_  
_You want a war you've got one,_  
_You want a state with poverty_  
_Remember 1882 because there is no excuse!_

_Excuses are just tools of incompetence_  
_Used to build monuments of nothingness_  
_And those who specialize in the uses_  
_Seldom achieve anything_

_Excuses are just tools of incompetence_  
_Used to build monuments of nothingness_  
_And those who specialize in the uses_  
_Seldom achieve anything but excuses...._

The song broke out into a guitar solo and we watched together as a guy climbed up onto the stage and did a back flip off the elevated area. People caught him and carried him back through the whole place.

"Okay, you don't have to watch anymore if you don't want to," Liz said as she rolled up onto her knees and reached towards the VCR.

"You can leave it on." It was interesting. Important, if I wanted to solve the mystery of her.

"It's not the greatest show," she shrugged. I helped her start pulling more videos out of the box, then DVD's which were also all home-made. I had three piles out when I could actually feel Liz smiling at me.

"I used to have to record my entire existance, I guess," she giggled, making fun of herself. She started sifting through the squares, reading titles to herself and rearranging the stacks. "I put together more shows than I remembered."

"Let's watch one of them," I suggested. I was elated to see some of these movies - they were like The Chronicles of Liz or something.

"Here." She put a DVD in the player on the opposite side and hit play. "You'll like this one, it's fucking hilarious."

The screen was covered in some kind of black and blue tye-dye swirling all around. 'BlackDamp - A film by Elizabeth "Legs" Collins' appeared on the screen in fat black letters, then disappeared as a still of Liz came up with 'Featuring:' and her name. The picture faded out and was replaced by one of a tall, big man. The name on his was Darrell.

It flashed through everyone that was in the whole video: Ana, Vince, Lynn, Ritchie, Sonja, and Jay were the main ones. They each had their own picture where they were doing something stupid or playing music. The Darrell guys picture was of him leaned over something with a straw up his nose.

The next words were 'And with....' as pictures of more people and bands started showing on the screen with their names underneath or to the sides of them. BlackDamp was the first, and then Liquid Filth, Voices of Anatole, Serpent Handlers of West Virginia, Byzantine, Linework, Severin, Downtrend, Tomorrow Burns, Entropy, Arsis, Halo of Locusts and Hank III all appeared. I'd never heard of any of them. There were alot more people that only got the name display, then the screen went black.

The camera was now being aimed from the top of a mountain, looking over a city that seemed to be thriving.

"West Fucking Virginia," Liz's voice announced formally from behind the camera, just before she turned it around on herself. Her voice was more serious than the expression on her face.

The camera turned back around slowly, now pointing to about fifteen people standing outside. "And this is what we like to do!" Liz yelled, cueing everyone to run wild. People started drinking out of mason jars and smoking joints and setting things on fire. The Darrell guy took a huge swig of kerosene into his mouth and blew a twenty foot fire ball through the air.

"He loves doing that," Liz laughed beside of me. "The beginning kind of sucks, but it gets better. I stopped trying to plan anything and started just filming everybody constantly. And they all filmed me every chance they got..."

Liz was on the screen now being held up by her legs by two guys while she chugged upside down on the top of a keg.

She laughed at herself, shaking her head as she stood up and grabbed the three pillows off her couch. She positioned them behind our heads, and we stretched out in front of the TV. Her arm started to brush up against mine with every breath she took, making it hard to concentrate as well as I would have liked to.

I watched quietly for the next two hours, attempting to grasp who my soulmate really was based off of a Jackass-style documentary, complete with live shows, parties, fights, nudity and pretty much anything else that would have made all these kid's parents really mad. I saw Liz and all her friends getting drunk, smoking pot through things I had no idea you could use for smoking pot, jumping into what I learned was the New River naked, tripping out on drugs for days at a time and - more than anything else - jamming a ton of badass music. I watched many of the people getting pierced and tattooed in various places, including Liz getting a piercing in her nose and belly button and getting four different tattoos. Those parts would have excited me if there hadn't always been at least three male's watching in the same room every time it was happening.

Liz actually wasn't near as crazy as all the others. She actually had her head on her shoulders for the most part. She was kind of a nut, but not in a bad way. She was outgoing and confident, fun-loving and carefree, and though she seemed to shun responsibility she always worked hard to come through for all her friends. She was young and beautiful, and it was clear to me that all of her old friends had seen something special in her, something different. That's why they all seemed to be looking out for her all the time. I saw it too, just maximized by some law of the universe.

She was still a mystery, but the girl had me hooked. Tragically, because she didn't seem to reciprocate the feeling, but I had enough confidence to think that she'd soon see me as some perfect ethereal creature. Like how I saw her from the first time.

"That was really cool," I said as the last scene faded away. The movie had actually been fun to watch, and it was nice to see where Liz had grown up.

"Thanks," she said, a huge pearly smile lighting up her face. Looking at her literally took my breath away, each and every time. I wondered if I was going to get used to it, or if it would feel like this forever.

Her smile faded as her eyes darted away. She opened her mouth to say something that I thought I may not like to hear judging by the look on her face, but before anything came out, a wolf howled loudly outside.

Both our heads jerked towards the kitchen. "There are wolves here?" Liz asked.

"Yeah," I said quickly as I got to my feet. That was definitely my cue to leave - I'd been shunning regular patrol for a couple of days to stay around here. "I have to get home."

"Okay," she said, sounding a bit disappointed. Unless I was imagining it.

"Can I see you again soon?" I tried to keep the desperation out of my voice, but just as the words left my mouth I realized how much was really riding on her answer.

She smiled shyly, giving me a burst of hope. "That'd be nice."

The howl sounded outside again, so I grabbed Liz up in a bear hug, then bolted out the front door. "Bye!" I yelled behind me. The last thing I heard was her soft laughter before her door shut behind me.


	13. Wanderlust

**A/N: All the bands mentioned last chapter are real, some are good and some kind of suck so just check them out on YouTube if you'd like. (BlackDamp will rock your fuckin socks! SERIOUSLY!) AND if you want to see somebody spew a giant fireball out of their mouth with kerosene, check out youtube {dot} com {slash} watch?v=wA-zcve3spk or just search for 'Blackdamp fire' and it should come up. =)**

_"Oh, Lord knows I'm tired but_  
_I won't rest my head until I'm home._  
_And if my hands find themselves another body_  
_Well, you can't blame them for trying to keep warm._

_Morals are simply a matter of time,_  
_and where you lay your head's a question of pride._  
_But when it's said and done you'll find in the light _  
_That privelege and wit made me misfortune's child...."_  
_ - Every Time I Die_

**Chapter Thirteen - Wanderlust**

I spread my arms wide and fell backwards onto my bed, breathing deeply in and out to relieve the hale storm consuming my brain.

I was so fucking confused. Like, more than ever before in my entire life, because I was usually certain about everything I did. I needed to be that way. So when I didn't understand what type of situation I was walking into, it scared the shit out of me.

Seth was so incredibly fucking _HOT._ But it was more than that, and that's what was freaking me out. I was really starting to like him - and I couldn't figure out why that was. I mean, he seemed really nice and sweet and sensitive, but that wasn't usually the type of guy I was attracted to.

My phone came to life, and I was glad to see Ana's name on the screen. I hadn't gotten to talk to her that much since I'd left.

"Ana!" I yelled into the receiver.

"Legs, darling!" she yelled back with a fake accent. "How's it going on the west side of things?"

"It's cool, I guess."

"Liz?" Ana asked, all humor gone. "Did you meet a guy?"

"What makes you ask that?"

"We've been best friends since we were twelve, and our relationship would have been fucked from the beginning if I couldn't read you like a book girl," she laughed. "So who is he?"

I smiled to myself subconsciously when his name rolled off my tongue. Ana giggled because she could hear the stupidity in it.

"Tell me about him," she offered. She had her listening cap on now, apparently.

"He's beautiful," I started. "And sweet and nice and innocent. Did I mention he was absolutely beautiful?"

"Yeah," Ana laughed. "I don't see what exactly the problem of the situation is."

"He hasn't made a move. I mean, he keeps wanting to hang out with me, and he's actually interested in what comes out of my mouth, and god damn Ana you should see the way he looks at me." I whispered the last part, entertaining my schizophrenic paranoia. I really felt like someone else could hear what I was saying.

"Like he maybe wants to date you?" she suggested.

"Like he thinks the sun sets and rises above my little blonde head. But still, he hasn't tried to feel my skin or kiss me or even really flirt with me. I don't understand it." I was used to guys that made it clear from the beginning what their intentions were, even when those intentions were less than honorable.

"Maybe he's gay," Ana said, making my jaw drop. My Gay-dar never went bleep around him, but that was not at all a fool-proof system.

"I hadn't considered that before..." Of course it would make perfect sense that the one decent guy I can find would be into people of a different physicality than myself.

"But that wouldn't explain him looking at you like that."

I sighed; I was more confused now than I'd been in the first place. I was actually really upset at the notion of Seth being gay. If he was, then that would mean he and I would always be friends, and after today I was starting to think I may want more than that from him.

"You're really into him, aren't you?" Ana asked sadly when I never answered. "Lizzy love, he's probably not gay. He's _probably _just a regular guy who's a little scared of being rejected by such a pretty girl. We're both just so used to all guys being dicks in the end that it's easier to write them all off."

"Not Vince, though," I told her. She loved that man like no other. I kind of envied what they had now.

"He's amazing, and you and I would have had it easy if any of our past boyfriend's had been like him. But that's what makes him so awesome - he's the only guy I've ever dated that really wants some seriousness in the relationship. And if every guy before him had been just as good to me, Vince wouldn't seem all that special, right?"

"Hmm," was all I got out before she started talking again.

"If this Seth dude had come up to you and made it clear he wanted to fuck you for the night, you wouldn't have made it past that conversation. Or if he started hanging out with you and you could hear in every word and see in every action that his ultimate goal with you was to see you pantsless, you would have stayed away from him. Instead he's just being really nice and not trying to flirt.... So it sounds to me like you may have found a one of a kind man out there that's genuinely interested in building something. With you," she finished her monologue happily.

I really hoped she was right, but the chances were so slim.

"How is it that I always get fucked over by men?" I asked myself.

"You just never pick the right ones."

"They only let me know that they're not right after I'm already in the shit," I laughed. "Not Darrell, he's a good guy, but every time I think about Jess I just feel like the biggest dumbass on the planet."

"Okay, _he _is the biggest dumbass on the planet, not you. He was a total piece of shit! And he still is! But don't let that fucking atrocity ruin something new for you. You deserve a real man, and I know you'll find one. If you haven't already."

Awww, how sweet. I have the coolest friends ever.

"You found one," I told her, glad at how that had turned out for my girl. She'd been waiting on him for a long time, and I knew that now that they were together, they were probably both the happiest they'd ever been in their lives.

I talked to Ana for about an hour and a half before we both had little left to say. She told me that everything was just as I'd left it at home, but I knew that couldn't be the full truth. She kept avoiding the subject of Darrell, and that wasn't normal because she knew I loved hearing how all my peoples were doing.

So, in spite of her warning not to, I called him as soon as I was off the phone with Ana.

"Elizabeth." He answered, his voice low and raspy yet still on alert. He sounded sad.

"What's wrong?" I could hear the creak of his bed, a familiar noise to me. "I didn't wake you up, did I?"

"No," he said simply. "And what's right? Nothing."

"What happened?"

"Nothing's happened. I barely leave my house anymore."

I waited for him to say more, but all I could hear was his steady breathing.

"I don't understand," I whispered. He was making me feel like I'd done something wrong.

He sighed for about a minute, and I could picture him sitting there in the middle of the world I used to know as my own. "You know baby, every day for such a long time I would wake up and actually be happy to just start a day. I thought it was because of all the good shit that was happening. But since you left me....." he sighed again. "There's nothing good enough around here to make me feel that type of happiness again. I just didn't realize until you were gone that all the brightness in my whole fucking life was depending on you."

I wanted to say something, but I felt sick. Guilt rushed through me at an alarming rate, setting off alot of insecurities in its path. I hated to cry and refused to in front of anyone, but I couldn't stop the choking sob that came out of my throat.

"I didn't mean to make you upset," he said quickly. He was trying to comfort me after I'd fucked him over completely.

"You shouldn't ever feel bad because of me. I didn't even see how hooked I was on you until it was too late, of course you didn't know how it was. And I know that if I'd done better while I actually had you, I'd still have you here right now." His voice brightened up a little. "You would probably be laying right here beside of me, butt naked and telling me how pretty my voice is," he laughed.

I wanted to agree with him, but I couldn't in all honesty. I didn't leave because of him, I just left because I felt like I had to. And as guilty as I felt for leaving someone that I still felt love for, I knew Darrell was never going to be my one and only, my epic true love that makes any bullshit you go through seem worth it. He wasn't my one, and I wasn't his. It still hurt me so bad to hurt him, though.

"Know what Legs?" Darrell asked sounding happier, more hopeful. "I think you'll be laying here with me again, some day. As soon as you get this stupid shit out of your system, you'll come home because you know somewhere inside of you that this is where you belong. And you'll come back to me, because you know somewhere inside that you and I had something that doesn't just fizzle out. You're a straight-the-fuck-up Appalachian girl, and no bumfucked town in Washington is going to take that shit out of you."

"I am a little homesick." I felt so defeated, and stupid. Why had I left everything that mattered behind me?

"I know, baby girl," he said soothingly. "And when you get back I'll be here waiting on you."

"No, don't - "

"I can't see anything that's not you," he whispered. "I'd be waiting even if I didn't want to. I don't expect it to be that way for you, but I'm not laying a finger on any girl that's not _you_ until you're home."

"And if I stay gone?" I felt bad for it as soon as I said it.

He sighed again, his pain evident. "I really hope you choose to not torture me like that Legs. But I'll wait as long as it takes. I already know you're worth it."

"That's fucking ridiculous."

"Shhh, you know better. I have to go babe. I love you, and no matter what you say I know I'll see you soon. I'm waiting."

And with that he hung up, leaving me a weaved mess of emotions. I wanted to tell him there was no way I was coming back, and even if I was it wouldn't be to him, but that was some compassionless shit to say to somebody you cared about. I was hurting him enough by just being absent. The other reason I couldn't tell him no was because I knew there was a slight possibility that he was right. If I did need to go home, his house was probably the first place I'd end up once I got there. I could easily be happy with Darrell - it just wasn't the earth moving type of love that I longed for.

Where did I get off thinking it was alright to play with anyone's feelings? I hated it when anyone did it to me, but I was still somehow heartless enough to turn around and hurt Darrell. I really did love him, I had for a long time. Maybe I was even _in _love with him at some point, but that's not how it felt now and I should have had the balls to say that to him. Instead I left him hanging across the country, waiting for a girl that doesn't return what he has for her.

I was fucked. My mind was too complex, and not at all in a good way. This wasn't the first time I'd felt disgusted with my own self, and all those times were beginning to weigh heavy on my shoulders. If I didn't change some of my ways I would end up alienating everyone I crossed paths with. That's not the Liz that I wanted to be.

How could I consider even trying to have a relationship with someone as nice as Seth? I wasn't really a very nice girl when it came down to it. He didn't suit me..... But I couldn't help but wish he were still here hanging out with me.

Luna and I crawled into the bed, snuggling up together while I listened to the rain sheeting against my house. Hopefully, I'd be seeing Seth again tomorrow.

* * *

I bolted upright in bed, my heart beating erratically in my chest. Luna was barking and growling at someone that had decided to come bang on my door this morning. I didn't know who was out there, but like any good outlaw my first reaction was 'Oh fuck, it's the police!'

I dragged ass out of my bed after I realized that it was highly unlikely that there were any pigs on my porch. When I finally made it to the front door, I was hoping that it was Seth I found outside. I wouldn't even be mad at him for waking me up so rudely.

It wasn't Seth.

"Hey," he smiled as I stared at him. I could see the exact moment when my staring started to make him nervous. "Can I come in?" he asked, eyes darting around on everything except my face.

"Oh yeah, sorry." I stepped aside so he had space to move past me, then I shut my door. "I just can't function properly the first few hours I'm awake."

Now I was the one being stared at. "You're not wearing any makeup," he stated.

"You woke me up," I countered. I should probably chew him out for it or something.

"You look different. It's nice." He shrugged his shoulders while he sat down on the couch. I didn't feel much like discussing my face, so I railroaded the topic.

"I'm going to get dressed." Josh nodded before I headed towards my bedroom closet in search of something better than my Tinkerbell pajamas. I tossed on some jeans with a tank top and heels, then opened up my bedroom door again since I was finished with the naked part.

"Seth says he had fun with you the past couple of days," Josh yelled from the livingroom while I was starting to put some makeup on. It was irritating for him to bring him up right now when he wasn't around. I wanted to see him.

"I had fun, too." And now I had it bad for a guy I barely knew.

Josh was suddenly in the doorway to my room; I hadn't even heard him stand up. "I'm surprised you two even get along. You have nothing in common."

Thanks for reminding me, dude. "He's a nice guy, it's enough for me."

"He's too naive," Josh said quietly. "He's not as nice as you think."

I wanted to make him explain, but I thought it better not to. Whatever he meant, I didn't want to know. Rumors and shit-talk weren't my style.

"Can I take you somewhere today, Liz? I think you'll really like it."

I kind of wanted to stay here and see if he would show up again, but I didn't like the idea of missing something fun to possibly be stuck at home alone. Why had he and I never exchanged phone numbers? "Alright. Where are we going?"


	14. The Subtle Arts of Murder and Persuasion

**A/N: Love you guys!**

**Chapter Fourteen - The Subtle Arts of Murder and Persuasion**

"Where the fuck are we?" Besides the middle of the woods.

"I want you to meet someone," Josh answered, still elusive. I wasn't really into surprises.

I huffed and crossed my arms tightly across my chest, staring out the window at all the trees going by. I couldn't stop from bouncing around in my seat from our bumpy path, and it was ruining my pissyness. How were you supposed to look mad while your ass jumped in and out of it's seat?

Josh's huge truck slowed to a complete stop. "Hey," Josh said softly as he placed a big warm hand on my shoulder. I still didn't look at him. "Liz, you're going to love this. Don't be irritated with me."

"I hate surprises," I whined. I could be so childish sometimes.

"You won't hate this one. Now will you please look at me?"

I smiled a little in spite of myself, then wiped it clean off my face before I twisted back around to look at Josh. His expression changed from worried to really happy, so I couldn't stop my own smile from coming back.

Josh started to remove his hand from my shoulder, but instead he slid it slowly down my arm and then back up to the base of my neck. He exhaled a long deep breath as I caught every emotion flickering through his eyes. Right now he was really enjoying the softness of my skin.

"Mmm," came out of his throat so quietly I was surprised I even caught it. But that little noise made it clear to me that he wasn't just interested in being my friend.

He gathered himself without me having to do anything, so we continued our long trek through the damn woods. When we finally stopped, I realized why this was supposed to be something I would enjoy.

The house was pretty old, bearing a murky brown paint with a long wooden porch across it's front. There was a truck and an antique broken down car and a bunch of junk lying around in the yard, complete with coiled copper pipes from an ancient Moonshine still - something so few could recognize. There was a very old man sitting in a rocking chair on the porch who stood up as Josh and I approached.

"'Chu doin', boy?" the man said, his voice clearly a result of many years of drinks and smokes.

"Anoki, I brought somebody I want you to meet," Josh said as he pulled me up the porch stairs. He dragged me right up to the old man. "This is Liz."

He squinted his eyes and looked me over three times, a goofy and mostly toothless smile breaking across his face. "Where you come from, girl?"

"West Virginia." And damn proud of it.

"Well, hell!" he said excitedly, lifting his legs up to stomp his feet. "Found you a true blue hillbilly!"

"I thought I would be the only one around," I laughed as my eyes scanned the yard again. I felt like I was back home, surrounded by people that actually got me.

Anoki reached beside his chair to produce a very raggedy guitar that was missing two strings. He took a swig of Jack Daniels and handed the bottle to me before starting to strum what was left of the instrument.

Josh ran back to the truck and grabbed my guitar for me while I sat down on the floor of the porch. I didn't really feel like playing right now so I leaned up against it instead.

"How long have you been staying here?" Anoki asked me politely.

"Not long at all. Less than a week."

"And do you like it so far?" He kept strumming his broken guitar.

"I guess," I answered quickly, shrugging my shoulders.

He stopped playing and smiled at me, then at Josh. "You see how she said that? It was written all over her face."

"What?" I pushed my long bangs to the side so I could see better.

"I can see every single thing you feel flicker through your eyes and your face and your body language," he answered, certain of himself.

I stared at him for a moment, because he wasn't the first person to say something like that to me. I turned around and pulled my guitar case to my front. "I hope you're wrong about that."

"It's a good thing," Josh said as he sat down beside of me.

"Okay," I answered as I put a capo on and started playing a song. I had the blues and I wasn't going to try and fight it. The rain came then, sounding beautiful as background noise to my music.

"You sure can play," Anoki told me. "You got soul."

"Thank you," I smiled at him. "I love music."

"Do you have any weed, Liz?" Josh asked absently. His eyes snapped up and started scanning the woods, but I didn't see or hear anything out of the ordinary. He was visibly more tense, and the changes got me feeling edgy. What did he even have to be scared of?

He let his eyes rest on me after a moment, a smile making his expression lighter. But he couldn't hide the sly and excited gleam behind his eyes. He was anticipating something.

I shrugged off my feelings of unease as I felt around in my purse to produce a joint for them. I lit it and passed it off to Anoki, who also seemed more tense to me. Either I was missing something here, or I was getting beyond paranoid.

"So Liz," Josh began as he handed me my well rolled spliff. "What would you think if somebody close to you was keeping something from you? Something important."

I froze for a second, my brain and body instantly going into fight or flight. Something was definitely off; that was not the type of question someone you barely knew should be asking. My face and hands began to sweat, my mouth went dry and my eyes started searching for an escape while I wondered if it would be at all possible to incapacitate a man as big as Josh.

The chances were slim.

"Relax, I'm not going to hurt you," Josh laughed. I was still panicking though, and that seemed like a bullshit play at nonchalance. I stood up where I was in case I had to make a run for it.

"Liz, seriously. Calm down." He stood up too, then breezed right past me to stand in the yard. Well, I was officially fucked on the running part if he was that fast just walking.

He put his head down, looking almost tortured. "There's something you need to see."

My heart was pounding so hard I could see it beneath my skin as I braced myself against the porch rail, morbidly curious to see just what was in store for me. Everything around me was crystal clear, like watching my own life in high definition. I didn't know for sure that I was making it out of these woods after today, and though that thought scared the piss out of me, I felt more empty than angry.

What would my life had amounted to?

I caught a quick movement out of my peripheral vision, but when my head snapped to it there was nothing there. My eyes stayed glued to the spot... and then two guys that were clearly Native Americans and Seth walked out of the dark of the forest.

I let my mouth snap open then, because one, I didn't feel all that doomed anymore, and two because Seth was there. Was here.

With me.

And Josh.

Seth looked mad but when he noticed me gawking, he smiled a huge warm smile and waved. I put my face in my hands, because I started giggling like an idiot. I started walking out to him before I even noticed that the unfamiliar guys were now having a quiet chat with Josh.

The oldest looking noticed my easy glance towards them and stopped the conversation. Seth was beside of me in an instant as his two friends came towards us while Josh stayed behind, not looking at any of them.

"Sorry about that," the older one said, specifically to me. "Sometimes Josh gets a bit ahead of himself."

I could feel where Seth was standing, could sense it as he moved to whisper in my ear. "This is Sam, Liz. He's like a dad to all of us."

He looked too young to play that kind of role. "Hi," I said awkwardly.

"And this is Jacob. He might as well be my big brother," Seth said as he pointed to the other guy, who smiled and shook my hand.

"Nice to meet you," Jacob said, and something about his expression almost made me start laughing again. He could have actually passed as Seth's older brother, if for nothing but the whole infectious smile thing.

"It's nice to meet both of you," I told them, still a bit embarassed. "Now will somebody please tell me what the fuck is going on?"

"She's fiery, Seth!" Jacob said loudly, amused. He stopped bellowing when he caught the look on my face. "Sorry," he said, his hands up in surrender.

The world got slow and fuzzy just then as I felt Seth put his hands on the tops of my shoulders from behind me. I closed my eyes and shivered all over as he leaned to speak softly near my ear.

"Will you come with me so I can explain it to you?" He took a long deep breath, his grip on me tightening slightly. His hands started to move, and then the feel of his touch was gone and I could focus again for the most part.

"Okay," I finally answered. "But I want to know exactly where I'm supposed to be going this time."

* * *

"I can't believe you. I don't live in fucking Underworld." I relaxed a little bit and ate another cookie. "These are awesome by the way," I told Emily. She smiled back, only half heartedly.

"Liz, I'm being serious," Seth whined from across the table. "And there's more to it than that." He shook his head in exasperation.

I swallowed down my last cookie and gulped my milk while I rose from the table, Seth following suit. "Just show me then, Wolf Man." I couldn't stop from smiling as I led the way outside, hell bent with curiosity at these claims that some of the locals could willingly shift into giant vampire killing dogs. They were either nuts, or I had just stumbled upon a very well kept and very awesome secret.

Why did they want me to know? They said they didn't believe in killing humans. Or if they're all just crazy that's probably all they bother to kill.

"Do it," I demanded. I was getting tired of the urge to flee springing up in me.

Seth took a deep breath as his image blurred.... and there was suddenly a very large sandy colored wolf on all fours in front of me, and pieces of fabric raining around him like confetti.

I mentally ran through any logical explanation for what was happening. Was I dreaming? Was I dead already? Had I been secretly dosed on way too much acid again?

No, no, and please God don't ever let me experience anything like that again.

I heard several footsteps coming up behind me, but I couldn't look away. "Welcome to the family," Emily said sweetly, wrapping an arm around my waist.

"Welcome to the pack," Jacob laughed.


	15. Lungs

_"Won't you lend your lungs to me?  
__Mine are collapsin'.  
__Plant my feet and bitterly  
__Breathe up the time that's passin'._

_Breath I'll take and breath I'll give,  
__pray the day ain't poison.  
__Stand amongst the ones that live  
__in lonely indecision._

_Well, fingers walk the darkness down  
__Mind is on the midnight  
__Gather up the gold you've found  
__You fool it's only moonlight._

_And if you try to take it home  
__Your hands will turn to butter  
__Better leave this dream alone,  
__Try to find another."  
__- Townes Van Zandt_

**Chapter Fifteen - Lungs**

I steadied the shaking in my hands again, just long enough to pour another shot of vodka into my tiny glass. No easy task when you hadn't eaten or drank anything all day that wasn't alcohol, and when you had just found out not long before that there were such things as werewolves and vampires.

They'd kept trying to say there was more, there was something super important I needed to know - but instead of listening, I'd thrown my arms up in exasperation, claiming I did not want to know. Actually what I had yelled was, "I can't handle any more today!" and bolted like the maniac that I was.

It wasn't that I was particularly freaked out, really. I actually was living out some kind of sick satisfaction that there were real monsters in the world, the kind that way surpassed me on any immoral scale. I also felt like a child with the amount of wonder oozing out of me. Three year old Liz was fucking _loving _this.

And rationally, there was not much to worry about. Sam had hurt Emily one time, and that served as all the horror story that the others needed to know they had to be careful. I had caught that much before I ran off.

What was freaking me out was the fact that they wanted me to know about this stuff at all. I didn't have any idea why I had been let in on the huge secret. I had figured out that that was what Josh had been trying to show me earlier... but for some reason they had stopped him, just to end up letting Seth show me after they'd explained the story. So why was Seth allowed to show me his second skin? Did it have something more to do with who _I_ was instead of who they were?

So fucking confusing. So, as the story of me usually goes, I had picked up a bottle of liquor and condemned myself to the loneliness inside of my own home. I had a feeling that there was some company waiting on me outside, somewhere in the cover of the darkness, but I was too worried about exactly who I would find if I bothered to check.

If it was Seth, I could possibly deal with it. If it was Josh, I didn't want him hanging around tonight because even though I realized now that he wasn't doing anything wierd, the thought of him right now still gave me the creeps. And if it was one of the rest then I didn't know any of them well enough to just sit and make conversation.

Actually, if it _was_ Seth, I'd probably ask him to just stay here tonight, because rogue vampires were fucking scary. And because I still wanted to see him, especially if we could be alone instead of with his pack trying to force information upon me.

Information that I sincerely felt could be my undoing, for some reason or another. But I still couldn't help but be curious, and that curiosity was going to win at some point.

My phone buzzed, alerting me that I had a new text. The sound almost sent me sticking to the ceiling like a scared cat.

_Can we talk? Tonight?_

It was Seth; we had finally exchanged numbers.

_Alright. I'm drunkish, _I responded after deciding that whatever he had to say, it was worth it as long as I got to hang out with just him some more before I poured myself into bed tonight. I knew whatever it was, it probably had farther reaching consequences than one shitty nights sleep, but that was okay for now.

I felt like I almost needed to see him, and that need made me want to puke. Elizabeth Lynnette Collins will pine for no man!

I tossed back a shot as I went to get the door for Seth. I guess he had been the one keeping my lawn company this evening. I threw the door open without looking, trying to stifle a bit of the effect. I could still smell the musky manliness hanging off of him, and he was lucky I didn't get to drooling just over that.

"Come to make sure no vampires eat me?" I laughed as I plopped back down into the couch. Seth looked frightened at first.

"I would rip open any one that tried," he answered through gritted teeth. "Even the Cullens."

"Who are they?" Vampires? That you are on any kind of name basis with? Wierd.

"They're my friends," he said simply, sitting down lithely beside of me. He snuck a quick peek at me that I wasn't meant to see, but the emotion behind his eyes was too much - and it had been since the very first time he'd looked at me.

"I still don't get it," I whispered, reminding him to take his eyes off of me. What was he looking so hard for? "What did you want to talk about?"

"Us. Or me. I'm not sure..." He put his head into his hands and tried to relax. "It's about me and you, and about the wolf stuff. It's important."

"Okay, so tell me," I pushed. There was that pesky curiosity popping back in.

"Most of you get to meet all the girls first...." he said more to himself than to me. "Have you ever heard of imprinting?"

I thought it over for a moment, because I knew somewhere in the depths of my brain, I'd heard the term before. I just had to reach far to find it now. "Is that when shifters can pick any form by looking at it?" I guessed.

Seth looked surprised, so I shrugged my shoulders. "I read it in a book before."

He smiled a smile that could set the sun on fire, then he reached out and placed his hand on top of mine. It was way too exciting for such a tiny bit of contact.

"That's not the way we use the word," he said happily. "To us, imprinting is the way that we find our perfect matches - our soulmates. As soon as we lay eyes on the one that is meant for us, we can never look away again."

Everything took less than a second to click in my head as I stared into the endless depths of his eyes - the eyes that were focused on me like I was the beginning and end all of existence. The eyes that belonged to a man that must truly think his world was currently revolving around me.

I probably gawked at him silently for at least five minutes, trying to comprehend what exact emotion it was that he harbored towards me. It wasn't love, because love is something you fall into. People aren't supposed to be granted divine intervention when it came to finding partners. Probably because people should know eachother before they can decide if they want to spend that much time together.

"Liz?" Seth finally broke the silence, turning away with a slightly pained expression.

"Sorry," I answered, having to snap myself out of it. "So what you're basically trying to say is?"

I wanted to hear it. I wanted this to be real.

"The second I saw you, everything else fell out of focus." He turned his gaze on me again, the force of it overpowering. "And everything that meant anything was just... you. I'll never be able to stay away from you."

I felt like I was trapped in a dream where I couldn't talk, except I could feel the very real lump blocking my throat. How could I possibly mean so much to him, instantly?

"Of course, I have to give you everything that you want, so if you don't want me around then I will have to try and keep my distance. But it will be near impossible."

"I don't want you to go away," I whispered quickly, an uncontrollable reaction.

"That's good," he smiled. "I'm not even totally sure that I could if I tried."

I tried to work my mind around the whole thing, but I was inebriated and this called for my full attention. I'd have to wait to think rationally tomorrow. "You don't love me." It came out of my mouth of it's own free will, making me want to smack myself in the face.

"I do," he said before my sentence was finished. "I do love you Liz, I'm just not - "

"In love with me?" I asked with a giggle. Classic.

He lowered his face. "I didn't mean it like that."

"I know Seth, you barely know who I am. Of course you're not in love with me." He untensed himself, breathing out a sigh. "But if it's not that, then what exactly do you feel towards me?"

"I feel like I need to protect you. I know that you're beautiful and awesome and sweet," I held my hand up to let him know to move past the silly compliments. "I feel like I can always trust you, and you me. I feel loyalty towards you, and pride because you're coveted. More than anything though, I feel like I can't be too far away from you... and I feel complete because for the first time I actually know where my life is supposed to be going."

I cocked an eyebrow at him. "Do you want to have sex with me?"

"Know any guys my age that don't?" He countered, making me laugh for one quick moment.

"This is pretty fucking heavy," I said in one long exhale. My mind was trying to fully grasp the gravity of what he was saying, but I was already starting to fade in and out a little. If I didn't watch myself and my mood right now, tonight could turn very ugly. "Seth, I'm drunk right now. I can't think right."

"Do you want to just talk tomorrow?" he asked, sounding disappointed.

"About all the serious shit, yeah. Let's just hang out tonight." I poured a shot and handed it to him. "Drink some with me, we'll listen to music," I got the remote and turned Townes up. "And sometime in the future we'll look back on this as the good old days. Let's not worry about the epic or possibly catastrophic shit just yet."

Seth poured another shot for him and myself, then handed me mine. "Well, then here's to our very own good old days," he said with a smile. We tossed back our shots... and that's about the last thing that I remember.

**A/N: If you like any kind of blues/folk/country/classic rock, then check out Townes Van Zandt - he's an amazing writer.**


	16. The Promise of Never

_**"Though your disease is ever mine, I give you diamonds.  
**__**And in an act to seal the oath, I gave you roses - be careful of the fucking thorns.  
**__**In your eyes I saw the end, and these were your words,  
**__**The promise of never."  
- Arsis**_

**Chapter Sixteen - The Promise of Never**

My phone was going off, and I was seriously considering throwing it against the fucking wall. I was too groggy to register anything besides my annoyance for a few moments, but I finally picked up my phone and flipped it open. I had a text from a high school friend that was now staying in Seattle, asking me to come and visit.

_I have a hangover, _I sent back, not at all eager. I rolled over, wondering if I would be able to fall back to sleep, but I got an answer quick.

_Please come? I have some cid and it's nice out today._

I flipped back over and hopped out of my bed, grabbing my cigarettes as well to start my day. Now that I knew I woul be having a good, if not at least interesting, one.

_Okay, let me shower, _I typed on the little screen.

My thumb hovered just over the send button when I noticed that Seth was asleep on my couch. Everything from the previous day hit me forcefully, so much that I dropped everything in my hands. Seth only snored lightly and rolled over.

I picked my phone off the floor and cleared my previous message, replacing it with one saying I already had plans that I couldn't break. Danny would understand - even without knowing what the reason behind it was.

I continued my trip to the back porch for a smoke, wondering where Seth and I were supposed to go from here. We were sort of hanging in limbo, and the whole thing didn't feel like it was very fair to him. He'd said he would not be able to stay away from me, even if he tried.

Tied to someone he doesn't even know.

And why me? Why would fate want to stick him to a fucking wierdo like me? It seemed almost like a cruel joke for him to not even have the option of wanting a normal girl. Normal being the best word that I could find to even describe Seth himself.

That was the other thing: Who the hell says that _he _has to be perfect for _me?_ Though I always registered the fact that he was completely gorgeous, it didn't go all that far beyond that. He didn't really seem like my ideal Mr. Right. I mean.... he was just so.... Normal! And nice! There were no other words for it. He was too nice, and too innocent to be attached to a girl like me. I may be an asshole, but at least I'll admit that.

I snubbed out my cigarette and headed back to my room for some clothes. I needed a shower and some multi-vitamins to get the nasty, sick feeling out of my stomach. And some aspirin for the throbbing in my head.

I stopped on my way out of my bedroom to examine my reflection; I wasn't sure how I'd managed to get into any pajamas last night, but my upper body was being enveloped by my giant Jimi Hendrix t-shirt. I had makeup left from yesterday smeared under my eyes, and my hair was a knotted mess.

All in all, I looked like shit.

I put my hair up and walked down the hall to the bathroom, stopping again to peek at Seth's massive sleeping form. Shards of light were coming through the window and landing on his face giving him a glow. His features were hard and strong, yet soft and so obviously gentle. Maybe too gentle for a girl like me.

I backed up from him quietly and padded away for a nice, warm shower. I still could not possibly fathom the idea that Seth Clearwater was supposed to be my soulmate.... but it looked like I should start getting used the idea of him being around alot.

I would have to wait and see if that was to be a good thing or not.

* * *

**Seth's PoV**

I woke up to a beautiful clear sky, birds singing and the sound of an amazing woman down the hall in the shower. I felt really good, despite yesterday's events and last night's binge drinking.

Liz was a funny drunk, but it was hard keeping her on her feet at certain times. I had had to help her to her room after she started passing out while playing and singing a song. It got me to thinking that I might have to worry about her doing those things without me right there to keep her safe.

The shower cut off, just as something started beeping somewhere down the hall. I went to find the source of the beeps as the door to the bathroom opened up, letting out a burst of steam into the previously still air.

The level of Liz's scent now in the air assaulted me wonderfully, cherry pie a la mode making my head spin. It was incredible, and made me wonder if Edward had to stay clear of the shower area after Bella got out when she had been human.

I reached the beep noise in the dining room and picked up Liz's phone, hitting the silence. "You have a text," I yelled into the other room.

"From who?"she asked, her voice high and light. I remembered then that I should probably watch her today and see how freaked out by me she really was - we hadn't cleared much up yesterday.

"Three-oh-four, eight-nine-six - "

She stepped out of the fog from her shower to stand in front of me in the hallway, wearing absolutely nothing besides a towel. Her face was free of any makeup and her hair was soaking wet, waving down to the middle of her back.

I had never seen anything so beautiful in my life. The pale-pinkness of her skin, her wide blue eyes, her soft lips and slender, curvy frame....

It was way too much to take in, especially since I was not at all expecting it. I gulped and tried to focus on a spot on the wall just to the left of her head, because looking at her did not seem like the best idea just yet.

"It doesn't say a contact name?" she asked.

"No," I swallowed hard again.

"And you said three-oh-four, right?"

"Yeah," I answered, not letting myself look at her for even an instant.

She took a breath that I could hear humor behind, then turned and stepped back into the bathroom. "Would you read it to me?" she asked, her voice full of sugary sweetness.

"Hey Legs this is Sara, I wanted to talk before but I had to hunt down your phone number," I started to read off the horribly misspelled message. I couldn't see Liz, but I swore I could feel her tension from where I was standing. "Jess says hey. Hope you're loving it where ever you are. Call me when you're not busy," I finished.

"Bitch," Liz laughed from a few feet inside of the bathroom, earning a laugh from me. She came out of the bathroom again, this time dressed in a light gray tank top and jean shorts that perfectly encased her hourglass shape. She was fucking hot.

"You look nice," I told her. Her smile faltered a bit, making me wonder what I could possibly have said wrong besides that the word 'nice' didn't even come close to describing her.

"Is that one of the uh... imprint things?" She wrang her hands together nervously.

I raised an eyebrow at her. "Actually, it's more like one of those straight, twenty-something year old male things."

She smiled shyly, not like her usual outgoing demeanor. "Well, thank you then."

I followed her into the livingroom where she lit up a joint, starting what she referred to as her morning routine. She had also told me that she never went a single day without smoking, that it was the only thing to keep her leveled out. She even went as far as to show me research that stated it was about as harmful as drinking caffiene, so I had no problem with it. Whatever made my girl happy.

"Did you have plans for today?" I asked, hoping she said no. I wanted her to spend as much time with me as possible.

"I just assumed I would be spending the day with you," she said, running her fingers through her wet hair. "I don't really know of much to do around here."

"That's because there isn't much," I snorted. She leaned forward and I caught a glimpse of a tattoo at the base of her neck, one of the one's that I'd watched her get on video. "I like your tattoos," I commented absently. They were all small, and - for lack of a better word - pretty.

"Do you have any?" she asked as she took a drag.

"No, I never really thought much about it before." Me? With a tattoo?

Liz put what was left of her smoke out and eyed me devilishly. The look of mischief in her eye had me swearing to myself that I would stop looking at her quite so hard, so long as I wanted to avoid another embarassing situation involving a bulge in my nether regions. Although if she could handle the whole wolf thing, an accidental boner should be small potatoes.

Liz reached forward, slowly and deliberately to tug my shirt sleeve all the way up. "Take your shirt off," she purred low, a smirk tugging the edges of her pink lips. I was fairly sure she knew what she was doing to me, but it didn't really matter. I stripped off my black tee in a hurry.

She sat back and examined me, her eyes roaming my skin over and over. I considered flexing to make myself look a tiny bit better, but Liz seemed like the type of girl that would call me out on anything that felt fake.

"Seth," she said, snapping me into attention. "You have to get a tattoo. It would look fucking _awesome."_

Something in her voice felt playful, sexy even. Almost like she was flirting. It made me want to say something dumb to her, so I kept my mouth shut.

She stood up, stretching out her impossibly long legs and stood in front of me. I almost had a heart attack because she started lifting her shirt up, but she stopped pulling once it was bunched up on her ribs. She turned sideways, showing me a fuschia and green image of some kind of flower bush. She turned around to show me the other side that matched, then turned her back to me to show me a large black and red tat that consisted of the sun, the moon and a star all combined into one circle surrounded by flames.

"I saw you get that one," I laughed as I remembered the scene in her home documentary. "The ones on your sides are perfect," I said honestly. I reached towards the one facing me, making sure to not actually touch her skin.

"They're rhododendrons, West Virginia's state flower. That's why I got them inked on me," she laughed. "Because a couple of my friends joked about me being West Virginia's flower."

I made a decision just then, one that could maybe not end so well but I thought Liz would enjoy it. "Let's go get some tattoos today," I suggested. Her face lit up like a kid on Christmas.

"I have to finish getting ready. Find some local shops on the internet?" She pointed to her lap top, then jumped up and down twice while clapping her hands before running off to her bedroom.

Ready or not... I was getting something today that I would have forever.


	17. Stoned and Drunk

**A/N: HEY! YOU! YES, YOU! Haha, somebody _please_ recommend to me some good reading on FF. I've read a billion stories on here, some good some bad and some awesome, but I get tired of searching around all them trying to find the best ones. Tell me some of your favorites!**

**Chapter Seventeen - Stoned and Drunk**

"What is it?"

"It's not for you, just me. You - " I poked his chest, "Can handle the pain." I had enough to know how big of a difference it made to not have to endure the entire extent of it.

"I want to see what it feels like anyways."

"Good boy," I told him, laughing as I tossed three capsules into my mouth and swallowed them down with some Sprite. "Will you drive us back home afterwards?"

"Of course, as long as you want to trust me with your car," Seth chuckled, his teeth so bright next to his darker skin. I guess maybe he _was _a bit swoon worthy, but I was still going to try my hardest to ignore that fact. There had to be some simple way to disregard his effect on all my senses. I just had to figure that way out.

Seth looked anxious, so I rubbed his arm to comfort him. "Don't be nervous, you're going to be glad you did it afterwards."

"I sure hope so," he sighed.

"Just take a deep breath," I told him as I opened up the doors. "And get ready to try something different."

We walked in, our bodies keeping in step with one another of their own accord. It seemed imprinting had a few little quirks that weren't important enough to constantly point out, but noticeable enough to annoy me. Like how every breathe and step were in tune with one another, and how if our skin came into contact with eachother's we would both feel a pulse of energy flowing back and forth, almost like tiny live wires between us.

"Can I help you with anything?" The man currently behind the counter asked, his eyes staying on me.

"We both want to get some ink today," I said just loud enough for him to hear while I examined some flash on the wall.

"Jay is almost finished up in the back. I can go ahead and get one of you started if the other doesn't mind waiting another fifteen to twenty for him."

"Sounds good to me," I said absent-mindedly. I was glad he wasn't trying to tell us we needed to make an appointment and wait another week; that's why every tattoo on me had been done in a friends kitchen or livingroom. When I wanted something, I wanted it right then - not a week from then.

The artist walked over to stand between Seth and me.

"I'm Ben," he said as he politely held his picture covered arm out, first to Seth and then to me. "Do you two know for sure what you want yet?"

I started describing what I had pictured in my head, getting animated as I drew out the lines invisibly with my finger tip. Ben listened closely, turning his head slightly to the sides to figure out the placement he would have to use. When I was finished, he seemed to snap out of a trance.

"You don't mind if I free-hand?" he asked, still twisting his head to examine my shoulder.

"As long as you're good enough," I answered honestly. I had been very lucky so far to not end up with a regrettable tattoo, and I wasn't even about to start now.

Ben smiled as he went to retrieve something from behind his counter. He came back with a three ring binder, stuffed with pictures of the work he had done. I started looking through the book, leaving Seth to try and figure out what he was going to get. If he even had the balls to go through with it.

"Damn," I said as I paused on the third or fourth page. "You are fucking good. Like, _really _fucking good." I looked up from the book to see Ben smiling widely and Seth looking nervous.

I wasn't his girlfriend or anything, but I wasn't on any sort of man hunt either. It would be utterly cruel of me to even think about flirting with any other guy in front of him, or to let any guy flirt with me. Plus... it kind of flipped my stomach to see that look on his face.

So, I did the only thing that a stupid girl like me would consider to be logical. I took a step towards Seth, leaned up on to my toes and gave him a tiny peck on the cheek.

I caught the goofiest, happiest expression I'd ever seen as I turned away, mortified with myself. I really should have thought that one through. It was dumb because I had definitely just given a man that cared about me the idea that I cared in the same way, which I wasn't for sure that I did... and because in the milisecond that it happened, I actually found myself enjoying it. It felt nice, natural even for my lips to find contact with his wonderfully over-heated skin.

That was a bit much for a kiss on the cheek. What would it feel like if we had sex?

_Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh NOOO! _My brain screamed at me, locking my limbs into place. It was always best for me to keep my mind out of the gutter, unless I wanted to end up acting really awkward in front of certain people. Or person in this case.

Ben chose that moment to look over at me, smiling first but then looking confused when he caught the waves of awkwardness rolling off of me.

"Are you ready?" he asked, curious about my mood change. I snapped out of it, remembering I always had a part to play when other people were around. I had to get better about that whole people-seeing-every-emotion-I-had-showing-on-my-face thing.

"Oh, yeah," I said quickly, making sure to smile at him. He returned the friendliness and started leading me towards the back to get set up. I waved at Seth before scampering away, because the question came back as soon as I looked at him - only, now all I saw was the answer to it.

It would be fucking phenomenal.

Or it would be horrible, in which case I would just stick to my fantasies, because there it was always awesome.

I settled onto my stomach so that Ben could ink the back of my shoulder blade, folding my arms underneath me and waiting for my pain reliever to start kicking in.

"Who did your other work?" Ben asked over the calm buzz of his gun. "If you don't mind me asking," he added.

"I doubt you would recognize the names, they're all from West Virginia."

"Oh. So that would be where you're from?"

"Born and raised." By a bunch of wild hillbillies. And then some totally normal motherfuckers.

He chuckled for a second, which actually pissed me off because he was literally torturing me for money and he was laughing while I gritted my teeth so hard they might all break at once.

Never believe anybody that tries to say tattoos don't hurt; they probably only say that to sound tough, or because they don't have one.

"I grew up in Roanoke until I was fifteen."

"Really?" I snuck a peek at him, trying to place him in the center of my culture. It wasn't impossible, though he was definitely way more of a scene kid than I could ever turn out to be. "That's cool. Why did you leave?"

"My dad just happened to find a better job, so we packed up and came and I've been here ever since. How about you?"

"I just got here about a week ago," I laughed. Ah, now I felt the pills I'd taken. "It's a long story," I said, not wanting to talk. My mouth felt too lazy to keep it moving.

"Hey, no passing out," Ben warned when he noticed my lack of movement. "I'm sure I don't have to tell you that it would be dangerous."

"I won't pass out. I can barely feel what you're doing," I mumbled back.

He chuckled again, but this time it didn't bother me. "What did you take?"

"Unimportant," I laughed, careful to not let my body move with it. "Can we listen to some music?"

He swiveled his chair around and hit play on a shitty little CD player. I instantly recognized the first track off of Black Label Society's 'Blessed Hellride', one of my old favorites. "Hell yeah," I said quietly as I settled into the excruciating torment happening to the right side of my back.

"I thought you looked like a rocker," Ben commented, dipping his gun into some more ink. The buzz of the machine had always made me more calm than scared, even though I knew what was coming. I let it sink in and relax me, concentrating more on it than how much it was hurting me.

"I guess you could call it that."

"What would you label yourself as?" he asked tentatively, curiously.

"Umm, I don't know. Heavy metal hillbilly, I guess," I laughed. "I listen to everything from folk and blues and bluegrass to death and thrash and industrial. And I used to live off of money I made tying hemp necklaces and shit."

"Awesome" he said as he continued. He was really easy on me, making sure not to go too deep into my soft skin. I hated a heavy hand; those were for rough skin only. "Yeah, I remember hearing about all those festivals that would come through every summer. Hippie shows."

"Yeah, there's always a few goin' on and there's always a ton of people there from all over the country. Hippies love real hillbillies, and vice versa so I think they'll be going on for a long time in the future."

"I've heard people talk about Jerry's Bash - "

"And Allgood," we both said at the same time. "And Bonnaroo and Sunshine Daydream and Tree Hugger's Fest. There's alot of them," I told him as I shifted slightly.

"You said you've only been here for a week, so does that mean that you just met the guy you came here with?"

I wasn't expecting the subject change, and as usual my body reacted before anything else and I stiffened up. "What makes you think that?"

"He looks Quileute, which would mean that he's probably from here," he speculated, tattooing away.

"Yeah we met like, the second night I was here," I said as I conjured up the memory for myself. I should have seen it in that first instant of laying my eyes on Seth that he was like no one I had ever met before, and that there was something very special about the way he was looking at me. Except I had noticed, and maybe that's why the whole wolf thing hadn' freaked me out so much. Better a giant animal than a psycho serial killer.

"So he's not your boyfriend then?"

"Well, no, but..."

"Ah, I see," he said. "When you two came in, my first thought was that you were a couple. So you're not dating, you guys just like eachother. Alot," he summed up.

I opened my mouth, but I had no clue how to respond to him. Was I supposed to tell him he was wrong? Was he wrong?

Not necessarily.

"You're blushing," he sniggered.

"I don't blush," I answered with an eye roll.

He pushed his chair a foot or so away from me. "I'm _almost_ finished," he said. "I'm out of the light brown I want to use, so I have to go and grab some real quick."

"Mind if I step out and smoke for a second?"

He waved me towads the door as he left the room. I hopped up and started examining what he'd finished so far, amazed at how much he'd done in such a short amount of time. Then I grabbed my purse and rushed through the front and out of the door so I could get some nicotine in my system. My shoulder was fucking _sore._

I hot-boxed down a whole smoke in less than two minutes, then went to finish my art. Now, my body was already flowing with the agony and I was able to lie completely still while my Picasso completed his masterpiece in silence. My skin was raw and aching when he announced he was completely done, but comparatively speaking this tattoo had been the easiest to get through.

I stood in awe of the long, thin branches of cherry blossoms that now ran from the very center of my back all the way up to the very top of my right arm. I couldn't spot a single flaw in the design, not a line too thick or a space too dificult to see.

"Perfect," I told Ben, absolutely honest in my calculations. It was exactly what I wanted, maybe even a little bit better.

As Seth and I left the shop, I wondered just what kind of tattoo my dear friend had decided on. He'd told me to wait until we got back to my place before he showed it to me, so I was making him wait to see all of mine as well. He knew what it was though, because some of it was not being covered by any clothing.

He drove us both in silence, somehow sensing that my mind was elsewhere. At least he couldn't possibly be able to know where exactly my mind was, because it was currently being bombarded with endless thoughts and questions about him. I couldn't stop this feeling inside of me... this wonder of what could maybe be between us. The chemistry was right. The attraction was there for both, and we got along great, even if we weren't on the same page about everything.

Of course, I also could not ignore the accompanying feelings of guilt, because somewhere inside of me this whole thing still felt like a strange mix up. How could a girl like me have a guaranteed mate in life? Was it possible for Seth to have made a mistake?

I already knew the answer was no, but I still felt as if I were coveting something that would always be just out of my reach. Though... right now Seth was so close to me that I _could _just reach over and touch him. I could touch him, just enough to let him know it was only because I wanted to, and in that action I would be taking him into my life, into my world where I knew he would never belong.

And he would never be the same again, whether he knew it himself or not.

Then again, if I never took that first tiny baby step and just tried to see what it could be like, I might never get to find out. If I let my guilty side win, I would never find out if Seth's lips felt as good as they looked. I would miss out on the best guy I had met so far, and the only one with this level of devotion towards me.

As I quietly led Seth up the walk to my new home, I concluded selfishly that I had to try at least something. I might not get the chance to be courageous about it if I waited - I might not get to even be courageous this time, because he was the first guy to ever make me feel nervous like this. I needed to act fast before I pussed out.

"Want to see now?" Seth asked, his eyes scanning mine worriedly.

"See what?" I asked stupidly. I had been too caught up in fantasy land to even remember the throbbing ache in my own shoulder.

Seth slowly placed a hand on the side of my face, caressing my skin as contentment warred with worry behind his beautiful eyes. "You've been so quiet..." He averted his gaze intentionally, not wanting me to see all of the emotion there. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No! You haven't done a thing," I said quickly. I hated it when he got sad because of me.

He smirked at me, setting my immediate future into very clear focus. Because in that one instant, I felt what he must always be feeling towards me; there was the need and the want that felt both heartfelt and primal at the same time, and there was the pull from him to me, some invisible line that kept us tied together no matter how far apart we got from one another. There was more, but the main thing I thought as I stared at him was, "Mine."

Seth saw the flicker of something in my eyes, because his breath caught in his throat as he slowly started moving himself closer to me. I could smell him and I could feel him everywhere, even taste him on the tip of my tongue... and I couldn't fight this shit at all anymore.

I reached out, my hand shaking traitorously, and wrapped my fingers around the back of his neck - gently, because this wasn't just any guy. He had to know that I was feeling it too, the unexplainable something between us that I may or may not go back to denying ater all was said and done. Our eyes locked on eachothers forcefully, pushing the rest of the world so far away that I didn't know what way was up anymore. Our lips found eachother's easily, moving together like they knew exactly what to do on their own.

Fucking amazing. I fell into the feel of him kissing me, of his too-hot skin against my front and his big hands around my waist. He was pulling me tighter and tighter to him, both of us recognizing the need to be closer even if it was never close enough. Lips working and hands roaming and skin so beautifully dark, soft hair and soft eyes and a perfect assault on every sense I harbored had me spiraling into an oblivion that I was sure I would enjoy.

Seth's face moved downwards to graze his lips across my throat, giving me the chance to regain some composure. I'd never felt anything even close to that in my entire life, and now I'd felt it just because of a kiss. There was just no argument for it now: Seth was incredible. In so many ways.

"Elizabeth," he whispered into my ear, his body molded into my own. His arms were the only thing holding me upright at this point, so he lifted me from the ground to wrap my arms all the way around his neck. He buried his nose in the top of my hair, not hiding the giant whiff he took or how much he seemed to enjoy it.

I took a deep breath, letting something I knew I shouldn't say slide out of my cruel little mouth. "Seth... I'm falling for you."


	18. I'm Broken  5 Minutes Alone

**A/N: It sort of counts as two chapters =)**

**Chapter Eightteen - I'm Broken**

I rolled around a little, trying to get comfortable enough to fall asleep again. It wasn't going to happen, and I knew that - I couldn't stop myself from replaying last night's makeout session in my head. I figured this was the point where I should start feeling guilty, but it never really came. I knew some things were a bit tangled up in my dating world, but I had enjoyed myself too much to actually regret it.

He'd left me breathless, desperate for more and more... Or, technically, I had left him after I realized that if I didn't stop soon, I might not at all. No one had ever seemed so... irresistible to me.

It worried me a little bit at the same time, because if I let my guard down then I doubt Seth would try and stop me from letting things go really far. I wonder if I would feel guilty then, if they did?

_Ding-Dong._

"Oh, what the FUCK?" I flung a heart-shaped pillow at my window. I was not prepared to see Seth yet this morning, but he had been asleep on my couch. Now he was answering the door for whatever asshole decided to ruin my morning.

"Stay, Luna." I heard him say to my girl. She'd gotten over her anxiety towards him and now they were just pals. I heard murmurs and then footsteps, then three knocks at my bedroom door. I hopped up and threw on a large t-shirt before flinging the door open.

"You have a package?" Seth said, taking in the annoyed look on my face. His gaze traveled down to rest on my bare legs, a smile lighting up his beautiful face.

I pushed past him to see what kind of package I was getting. I didn't remember ordering anything off of the internet. I yanked the door open again, startling the FedEx guy.

"Elizabeth Collins?"

"One and only," I told him as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. I yanked the pen from the board and signed my name on the line.

He handed me a box, thanked me and left. I took the box back to the couch, pushing Seth's pillows and sheet aside so I could see what I had.

"Who's it from?" Seth asked as he sat in the floor by my feet.

I rolled the box over, finding a large envelope taped to the side. "My friend from back home. Darrell."

"Isn't he your ex-boyfriend?"

"Friend first, ex second," I replied as I pulled the envelope open. There was a letter that I didn't bother unfolding - I'd read it later when I was alone. "Oh hell yeah!" I yelled as I pulled out the next item in the envelope: two tickets to go see Steve Earle in two weeks at the Moore Theatre in Seattle. I was about to start attacking this box open when my phone went off from my room.

I ran for it, jumping up onto the bad and answering by the third or fourth ring, which was pretty cool if you ask me.

"Hello?" I said, my voice filled with mischief. Seth chuckled at me in the livingroom.

"Legs!"

"Darrell!" I said as I leaped from the bed again.

"Did you get what I sent for you yet? They promised it'd be there by... twenty-five minutes ago."

"I think they missed that mark by a few minutes, but it's here now." I walked into the kitchen, where Seth was now leaned casually - toplessly - against the edge of the counter. Would it be inappropriate for me to try to rub myself on all his abs like a cat in heat? Probably? I figured.

"Have you opened it up yet?" Darrell's voice brought me back, not to the present but to the past. For just a second, I actually felt like Liz again.

"Not all the way, I was just getting to the good stuff when you called. But Steve Earle? That is fucking insane."

"I knew you would love it baby girl," he said as he blew out a hit of something. "So after that show you're coming home right?"

"No," I laughed.

"You want some breakfast, Liz?" Seth asked, suddenly right beside of me. I almost fell over it caught me so off guard. I shook my head no at him, noticing that in that moment everything else had gone very quiet.

"There's a guy at your house." Darrell stated, his pompousness apparent even through the phone. His tone suggested he was gearing up to bite my head off, and he wasn't one to disappoint. "Legs, I can't fucking believe this shit! You leave me to go run around the world or whatever and you already found some other asshole to spend your nights with? If you were home, I'd put that motherfucker in the ground, and you would be hanging out every day at your Mom's house because we would all fucking DISOWN you for acting like a whore!"

"Hey!" I yelled back, trying to bite back the sting of his words. "Don't feed me some bullshit about what anybody would be doin' right now if I was there, 'cause you have no fucking idea! And don't you dare call me a whore Darrell Bolen, or I'll come home right now and fuck your world up, I don't give a shit how many hundreds of pounds you have on me!"

My face was hot and I was so mad I could spit, but the next thing I felt were tears escaping the corners of my eyes, running down my cheeks to drip on my kitchen tiles. This was not good, not in the least bit.

"And for your fucking information," I choked out, the change in my voice so clear I was sure he'd know he got to make me cry. "_Seth_ is a really nice guy, and we hang out alot but he's not my boyfriend, and I haven't slept with him. I haven't slept with anyone besides you in the past year and I really fucking wish I could say that I never even did that."

I flipped my phone shut, then whipped my arm back with full intentions on slamming the damn thing against the wall. Then I thought about how much trouble it would be to get a loaner phone and to get all my numbers and pics switched over, so I calmly sat the phone down and headed for the livingroom. Seth followed quietly, probably just curious to see what I was doing. I hit the on button for my stereo system, blasting whatever was already inside.

I was on a motherfucking war path. I needed to feed my anger so that I didn't have to feel how hurt I was inside.

I picked up the still unopened box that I'd received this morning and flung it at the wall opposite me. I was expecting a thud, but just before the box hit it's target, Seth snatched it straight out of thin air. I stared at him, wondering just what in the hell he thought he was doing. Nobody ruined a Liz rage, not even Liz.

"What. The. Fuck." I finally managed through my teeth.

"Calm down," he said lightly, walking over to me with the package in his hands. "Don't let it get to you so bad."

"Yeah, sure, that's my fucking calling card," I told him sarcastically. "I'm that crazy wild bitch who just never let's anything get to her. I guess that's why my life has gone so wonderfully this whole time, because I'm so good at letting the things that bother me just roll off my back!" I flung my remote at the wall, and this time there was nothing there to stop the gratifying sound of it shattering to bits.

I sat on the empty space on my couch. "I'm angry and I'm hurt, and I'm not going to deal with it well, okay? That's just me. I'm broken," I said as Phil belted it out on my speakers. My mind strayed to Pantera for a moment like it so often did, which led me to start thinking about Dimebag _Darrell, _which of course had me wanting to break my stereo. Instead of letting my hands do the throwing, I dug my fingernails into my arms, locking them where they were.

"You're not," Seth argued as soon as he could see that the rage was mostly worn out. "He was just jealous, people say mean things sometimes when they're jealous." He sat down beside of me and started to toss his arm around my shoulders, but thought better of it when he saw what the reaction just on my face was about to be.

"Seth, he might be jealous but there's more to it than that." And that's why it hurt me so much, because he wasn't exactly wrong. I wasn't being who I normally was, I was making out with guys on whims and wants and forgetting where in the fuck I came from. Well, I only made out with one guy, but it still wasn't my typical behavior.

"He put it out there in the wrong way, but when he heard your voice, I bet it cut him straight to the fucking core." I shook my head, trying to imagine how many wounds I'd inflicted on one of my best friends. "He was trying to do something sweet for me and ended up getting his heart smashed by me again."

"He called you... names," Seth said. Now he was the one pissed off and I had to calm him down. Though, my task was easier than his had been.

"He's called me a million names before, some worse than that. And I've called him some shit too. That's how it is when two people with the same temperament get close. It's a fucking emotional roller-coaster."

"You're not mad now?" Seth looked confused, which I guess made sense because I was pretty confusing.

"Oh, I'm mad but I deserved it from him. It just... he... you know..." I tried out the words a few times inside of my head. They still didn't sound right, even after coming out of my mouth. "He hurt my feelings."

And now I felt like a five year old.

"Want me to beat him up?" Seth asked happily.

I busted out laughing. "No. And just because you can take down stone people whenever you feel like it doesn't mean that you would be able to win a real brawl. Especially not with this motherfucker."

Seth looked offended so I stopped laughing. "No human would really stand a chance against one of us. Or one of the vampires."

"No shit, Sherlock - but you can't go wolf and kill some human being. Especially not Darrell! He's one of my best friends."

Seth gauged the look in my eyes as he reached towards me, cupping my face in both of his large hands. "You love him?"

"In some ways," I answered, wondering why my heart was flying out of control. I could pass out if he kept this up.

"You're not in love with him." He stated as he scooted closer to me, the sweetness of his skin and breath overtaking my sense of smell.

"No," I mouthed. My eyes were already sliding closed because I just knew he wanted to kiss me right now, and I wasn't going to reach out and kiss him again, but if he could see that I would let him...

"Mmmm..." Maybe this guy was perfect for me. I couldn't stop my arms from wrapping around his neck, or stop my hands from digging their way through his hair. Just the need and the feeling of having him wrapped all around me was so incredible, so intense that I couldn't find anything to compare it to.

Four hands started exploring skin they'd never known before, mine pale, warm and soft, his dark, hot and rough. Our mouths never stopped touching, even if we were both only breathing. Neither of us let even a finger slip into an uncomfortable zone, proving to me that this alone was just as good for him as it was for me.

Limbs were entangled around others and things were getting so heated I was about to just rip my damn shirt off and say to hell with it when my phone stated to ring from where I'd left it in the kitchen. I needed more of him, but more than that I needed to not let things get like this between us so quickly.

"Sorry," I mumbled as I freed myself from our couch-pretzel and went to answer the phone.

"Hey sexy," I said to Ana.

"Hey. What happened earlier?" She sounded concerned, reminding me of why my morning was supposed to be going so shitty.

"Seth was hanging out over here when Darrell called, he heard him in the background and started cussing me out," I explained as simply as I could. I knocked a cigarette out of my pack to smoke out on my back porch.

"He feels bad about whatever he said to you. He wanted me to call you and I told him he'd have to man up and do it himself, but I figured I should check up on you."

"Yeah, it's alright, he was just being an asshole - and pointing out the fact that I myself am an asshole," I laughed. "Sometimes I guess I just can't help myself. Everybody fucks up, I just have to start taking better responsibility for it when I do."

"Don't let him make you feel guilty for moving away, or for moving on from him," she said almost sternly. "You deserve to be happy in whatever way you choose. Fuck everybody that's got a problem with it, I'll punch 'em in the jaw!"

We laughed together while I imagined tiny little Ana punching a man of that size in the jaw. "He'll get over you. I bet he's already had a few chillin' with him first thing in the morning since you've been gone anyways," she whispered.

"I wouldn't be surprised at that. Besides, I haven't been going around looking or any guys or anything, I just happened to be found by an awesome one."

"I knew you'd get with him!" Ana yelled excitedly. "So he's your boyfriend then?"

"No. Well... no not really. I like him and he's definitely into me." I blew out my smoke while I thought through what details to share with her. "We've kissed a couple of times."

"Ooohhhh, was it awesome?"

"Oh yeah," I giggled. "A little bit too much, it's getting harder trying to keep my clothes on."

She gasped on the other end of the line. "Sounds pretty serious for you, Lizzy! You're sure all you've done is kiss a couple of times?"

"More like we've had a couple of _heated_ makeouts. Sound better? But anyways, he's like... he's... indescribable. All in good ways," I said as quiet as I possibly could.

"Well damn, I'm happy for you. But why are you whispering?"

I cleared my throat loudly and puffed on my cigarette.

"Oh! He can hear you?"

"I think so," I said with a smile.

"Damn, Liz. You sound really happy, so I bet this guy is definitely something," she giggled. "But I'll let you get back to him. Call me later. Oh, and call Darrell too, he's sorry and he's beating himself up over it," she added sympthetically.

"I will. Love you."

"Love you."

I tossed my smoke and went back inside, wondering if Seth actually _had_ caught any of that conversation. He was listening to music in the livingroom, so I slipped into my bedroom to find some clothes and get ready for the day. I would call Darrell later, whenever I felt like I could talk to him without cussing him or crying.

I picked a dress since it wasn't pouring today - a very bright change. I had not realized that by moving here I'd mostly be saying goodbye to the sun. It almost never registered with me how drab it was, though - Seth was too bright and warm for me to notice the real temperature.

I brushed my hair out and put on some thick black eyeliner and mascara, a pair of shoes and some jewelry, then started back towards the livingroom. Instead of making it all the way in there, Seth greeted me as soon as I opened my door back up.

"Fuck!" I yelled, my heart jumping up to my throat and then settling somewhere in my stomach. I put my hand to the middle of his chest, letting him know to move. "Please stop sneaking up on me," I whined.

"Sorry." His beautiful face twisted into a frown.

_Ouch. _

"It's alright," I smiled. I hated that sad look. "Let's go do something fun today," I suggested quickly.

"Like what?" He asked eagerly.

I thought for a moment. "Let's go swimming. Do you know anywhere we could go besides the beach?"

"Yeah!" he said, jumping at the opportunity. Then, it seemed like his thoughts took a step back. "Well, maybe. I'm not really sure..." He turned around and started walking back towards the livingroom.

"Ummm, Seth? Hello?" I started to follow him. He was digging through a backpack.

"The best place to swim around here is at the Cullen place. It's actually about a mile away, but I'm still not sure if I should bring you there. I have to ask," he finished as he produced a cell phone.

"What if people need to get ahold of you? You have pockets."

"I have a better system of communication than what technology provides," he said with a grin that really was downright wolfish.

I rolled my eyes at him, but still couldn't stop from grinning back. "Well anyways, I don't think hanging out near the vampires house is the best idea."

"Really? I thought you might sort of like it."

"It _is _kind of cool - the whole vampire thing, I mean - but the reality of it? I don't feel like getting my blood drained out today. Or... tonight, I guess."

"They wouldn't do that!" He put his hands on my neck, gentle but still protective. "They never hurt people. They're my friends - friends to all of us, really. We have history," he told me with his eyes somewhere far away. "I trust them."

"I don't," I replied. I was not meeting any vampires right now. "Aren't they asleep right now anyways?"

Seth blinked. "They don't sleep."

Oh, of course they don't. That's just total common knowledge. "Sunlight?" I pointed out the window to my right.

He only smiled and shook his head. "You are more of a see-it-to-believe-it type. If you're not ready to see them, I can just ask them to keep their distance while we swim."

I bit my lip. "Sounds fair."

"Cool." Seth started texting while I went back to change into my bikini. I put my dress back on over top of it and pulled my hair back to braid it later. I switched my heels for flip-flops and grabbed two towels out of my clean laundry.

"Ready?" I asked Seth after I was finished.

"Definitely."

* * *

**Seth's PoV - 5 Minutes Alone**

"We have to stop and get beer," Liz said as she pulled over at the town's only convenience store.

"If Charlie Swan ever met you..." I chuckled.

"Who?"

"He's the chief of police."

"You know him personally? That's never a good sign," she shook her head as she unbuckled her seat belt.

"He dates my mom." Liz's mouth dropped open. "He's also Bella Cullen's dad," I explained. I knew she would instantly make the connection.

"Wow," was all she managed.

"Remember Jake telling you a little bit about Renesmee when you two met?"

"Charlie is her grandpa..." She shook her head again, chewing on her lip the whole time. "This town is smaller than mine."

And with that she hopped out of her car, leaving me cramped inside. "Coming?" She asked suddenly, her head now at the open window.

"Yeah, of course," I smiled. The sunlight made her blonde hair glitter like gold and her skin look like porcelain and cream. I was literally counting the seconds until I got to put my hands anywhere on that skin again - I actually was amazed I'd gotten to in the first place. How or why I had been so lucky last night and this morning, I do not know, but you'll never once hear me complaining about it.

She had just laid one on me, and also let me lay a few on her. She'd told her friend earlier that I wasn't her boyfriend, but that she _did _like me... I still couldn't tell if I'd truly gotten somewhere with her, or if she was just into the attraction right now. Though, she had said that I was indescribable, all in good ways. That had to mean something special.

Right?

"Snacks?" Liz asked, snapping me out of it. She had a bag of barbecue Fritos stuffed under her arm, and a six pack in each hand.

"Let me carry this for you," I said as I took the beer from her hands. I grabbed two more bags of chips and followed Liz to the check out. I was getting too caught up in her - I needed to get my head in the right place. I held the passenger door of her car open, hovering before I got in. "I should probably drive."

"Why?" She asked quickly, prepared to defend her position.

"I'm no good at directions," I shrugged. I didn't want her to get mad, but she was fucking hot when she got that pissy look on her face.

She put her hands on her hips while I put the six packs in the back. "I don't like letting anyone else drive my car."

"I know," I smiled as I walked over to her side. "But sometimes, you just have to trust someone. You can start right now, with me." I held my hand out for her keys, even though she was about halfway into the driver's seat already. She stopped and surrendered, then climbed over into the passenger seat. I couldn't believe she'd given in so easily.

We drove with the music blasting and us staying to ourselves, like we usually did. Liz seemed to take any time spent inside the car to be used as thinking time; her eyes never once strayed from the trees, and I could catch the full play of emotions running through her face, over and over. By the time we arrived at the edge of the Cullens property closest to the creek, she seemed more nervous and less focused than when we had left her house.

What could she possibly have been thinking about this whole time? Or more, what could she be thinking about me all the time?

"How far do we have to walk?" She asked suddenly, turning towards me.

"Umm..." Damn, she was really beautiful out in the sun like this. The cherry pie scent that always clung to her was fresh and ripe smelling, and the wind played in the ends of her hair. I was about to start drooling when I remembered she'd just said something. "Sorry, what?"

She smacked me in the arm playfully. "God, Seth, why do you do that?" she asked jokingly. "My face really is _not _all that interesting."

"Yes it is," I argued instantly.

"Whatever," she said as she started walking down the worn dirt path into the forest. "How far are we walking?"

"Oh, not far. Just about a mile."

"A mile?" She stopped walking again. "A mile through the woods? In sandals?" She looked down at her feet.

If I was a blusher, my face would have turned bright red. I hadn't considered the fact that Liz was a normal human being, not of the supernatural variety. She probably wasn't up for this sort of trek.

"I could carry you and run there," I suggested quickly. I hoped she didn't think I had done this on purpose.

Again, I expected her to argue me, but she didn't. "Okay," she answered quietly. I handed her the things in my arms and lifted her tiny frame high, keeping her tucked safely into my chest. I didn't need some brier or branch coming out to smack her in the face or something. She stayed quiet the whole run, clutching the things we'd brought with us to her body with one hand while the other stayed wrapped around my forearm.

It felt sort of amazing. I should have ran slower.

I slowed to a stop and let her down easily. "Wow," she said, smiling brightly at me. "It's beautiful out here."

"Yeah," I agreed as I stared at her. The spot had never seemed any type of special to me until seeing her here. Now, I could see some beauty in it.

Liz stepped delicately down to the water's edge, then leaned close. After examining the creek water for a moment, she straightened back up and pulled her little dress over her head.

_Whoa. Holy shit._ Did fate have to give me a mate that was quite this hot? I always assumed I would be paired with an average looking girl.

What was just feet in front of me right now was no normal girl. Her back was inked and colorful, the only tattoos I had ever appreciated this much in my life. The curve of her hips was dangerous, an expanse of soft, sweet smelling skin that was just begging to -

"You coming?" She bent her knees and jumped out into the water, smiling and splashing around after she popped safely to the surface. I pulled my shirt off over my head and took off, joining my girl in the creek. "Hey! You forgot to show me your tattoo last night!" She yelled as she swam over to me. I could still see some of her body beneath the water, making me really hope that she could not see a certain part of me that was underneath the water.

"Sorry," I said, both for forgetting and for checking her out like the dog that I was. I didn't even think about what her reaction would be as I turned away from her, giving her a full view of my back.

She gasped, so I braced myself. Was she mad? I never knew how it was going to go with her. "That is... wow. That..." She stopped and thought for a moment, so I started watching her face over my shoulder. "Well, I like it. How did you get it so exact? The artist didn't see me at all."

"I sketched it for him." I breathed out a sigh of relief, not believing this was going well. I had settled on getting a wolf on my back, but I wanted it to have some more significance - so in the middle of the sandy colored wolf's face was a pair of wide, blue eyes, one with a streak of brown. Liz's eyes. "You're not mad?"

"No." She shook her head. "If you want to be forever reminded of me, I guess that's your problem," she laughed. I turned back around and moved closer to her, not being able to resist the call from her body to mine. What a wonderful thing chemistry truly was. She straightened up and wrapped her arms around me neck, letting me angle her up against me.

"I like it," she whispered with her eyes on my mouth. I knew what she wanted when she looked at me that way, and I was more than happy to give it to her. I placed my lips to hers as softly as I could, taking my time to enjoy what was happening. Just like before, my whole world seemed to settle into focus when her lips were moving with mine. I could feel her softness and her strength, her warmth and brightness, and her primal want for more of me.

Which meant that I was winning. I think so, anyways.

"Mmm," she moaned quietly as I tugged her bottom lip with my teeth. My hands were roaming the entire extent of her back, begging me to let them slip just a little lower or higher. And fuck did I want to - and maybe Liz wouldn't even stop me if I tried - but that would be taking things too far too fast. She'd only first kissed me less than twenty-four hours ago.

I was getting dizzy, almost high when a new smell erupted my senses. Instinct hit before rationality, and my body stiffened up completely. Liz opened her eyes in confusion, stepping back once. She read my face and posture, studying me for just a few moments.

"Vampires?" She guessed.

"Just Edward," I said as I took a whiff of the breeze. "And Jasper."

"We were curious," Edward chuckled from much too far away for Liz to hear.

"For good reason," Jasper added. I didn't know what he meant by that.

"Can I meet them?" Liz asked suddenly.

"I thought you were scared," I teased. Edward and Jasper moved silently through the trees, getting just a bit closer to us.

"I was. I am, actually, I just can't resist. I want to see what they look like." Her eyes were wide and childlike, hiding the deviousness behind them.

"Guys?" I yelled. They would know what I meant.

"You're sure?" Edward asked, close now but still out of Liz's sight. She was still combing the trees, trying her hardest to catch a glimpse.

"He's asking you," I told her.

"I'm sure," she said hesitantly.

"Just like people do, basically," Edward said, still in the cover of trees. Jasper chuckled from the same area. "Seth, you didn't warn her about us."

"Huh?" Liz asked, looking scared.

"I forgot, I'm used to everyone around just knowing. Edward reads minds, and Jasper can feel all of your emotions."

She blinked twice, her expression stuck in disbelief before she busted out laughing. "The vampires. Names are." She had to hold her stomach she was laughing so hard. "Edward and Jasper!" She finally sputtered out. "That's not scary at all!"

"Sorry to disappoint," Jasper laughed as he and Edward both stepped out into our line of vision. Liz stopped laughing long enough to examine them both for a moment, then she giggled a little more.

"Nice to meet you both," she said with a smile. "Now please quit reading my thoughts. It's rude."


	19. Everything Went Black

**A/N: Just for Fun!**

**Chapter Nineteen - BONUS! Edward's PoV "Everything Went Black"**

_Well fuck, what am I supposed to do? I can't step back from any of it, not even if I wanted to. I don't want to. I want Seth..._

My fingers crashed down on the keys of my piano, abruptly ending the piece I had been working on. My mind was being attacked by the screaming thoughts of Seth's imprint, and I could tell this mind was not going to be easy for me to ignore.

_Should I have him take me home? Should I just go back? What do I do about Darrell? He's probably fucking some random girl right at this moment... Does that make me mad? Should it?_

I rubbed my temples as Bella glided over to me, worry etching lines into her impeccably beautiful face.

"What is it?" She asked in a voice I was now accustomed to. It had taken some time.

"Seth and his girlfriend are here," I replied, pointing outside. They weren't in sight yet, but we could plainly hear the horror music blasting as their vehicle drew closer. What did this girl and my Renesmee have against classical? Or country? Or even rap for Christ's sake?

"What do you think she's like?" Bella asked. She had a maternal type of relationship with Seth, and she wanted to be sure this girl would be good for him.

_Maybe I should've worn my blue bikini. Wonder what Seth would like best on me... I wonder if he'd rather I just forego the bathing suit entirely, I mean he's going to see it someday anyways. Isn't he? He wants to. Maybe as much as I do..._

"She is... complicated," I replied, smirking at my love.

"How so?"

"I feel like I'm listening to five people at once, and that is just from the girl. She definitely likes him," I added, trying to appease the center of my world. Bella sat down beside of me, still looking concerned. If only I could read _this _mind so easily, whenever I wanted.

"Likes him? She's supposed to fall head over heels."

"She..." I wanted to say will, but I hated being a liar. "She might. She hasn't had the time yet."

_Maybe I shouldn't get drunk today. _"How far do we have to walk?"

"This girl is something else," I chuckled. Bella kept waiting for me to let her know more, so I kept listening. It didn't count as eavesdropping when you couldn't really help it. Much.

_Oh no, he's getting that dumb look on his face again._

That one had me laughing.

_He's gorgeous. Why would the universe just hand me this? I don't deserve it._

There were images folowing the thoughts, and they flashed by like a short film. "Her thoughts are different than most peoples. There's pictures and emotions attached to each thought, and everything is running about a billion miles a minute. And there's a constant background of terrible music."

Bella shook her head, smiling at me innocently. "She's got to be wonderful. She's Seth's girl." Bella's expression went whimsical for a moment as she turned to stare towards the young couple at the edge of our yard. She had started viewing the imprint as some kind of fairy-tale phenomena, especially after watching Jacob over the years. To Bella, no kind of love trumped imprinting with the exception of only ours. She thought all the wolves and their mates had it made in the partner department.

"She is very pretty," Bella said as the two started through the woods.

"She doesn't think so," I answered as I tried to pick my way through the tangles of thoughts. There were more than there should have been, and more than half of them were angry in some form. "Or maybe she does... She thinks she's sexy, not pretty." I delved a little further into her thoughts, mentally beating back the ones that were too hard to handle. "She hates herself," I told Bella with a shake of my head.

What had happened to this girl to make her so self-loathing?

"Why in the world...?" Bella tried to make sense of it herself as she stared where the girl had stood just minutes ago. "Why would she hate herself? She's young and pretty, and now she's got Seth. It just doesn't make sense to me."

"We don't know her yet," I offered as my only reply, because honestly I couldn't figure out why this person was the way that she was based off of the insanity flowing through her brain. "Some of her thoughts are constant, and..." I rubbed my temples again, wondering why when I searched around in her cluttered head too hard, everything went black. "Some of them are actually painful. Like...bad memories playing on repeat."

"Is that normal?"

"No. But what defines normal?" I wrapped my hand around the back of Bella's head, pulling her in for a small kiss. I was about to ask if she wanted to go find a private place for the rest of the day when she looked up at me, her eyes round and wistful.

"You should see what Jazz says about her. It would be more insight for Seth, right?"

"See what I say about who?" Jasper called from the second floor. He appeared in front of us less than a second later.

"Seth's girlfriend," Bella answered, not even batting an eyelash.

"She's not his girlfriend."

"She will be," Bella replied confidently.

"And this has what to do with me?" Jasper twirled his wedding band around on his finger.

"Go spy a little bit. Feel her out," Bella giggled at her own joke. She was perfection, I would much rather spend my day able to see her than to go spy on some juvenile girl. "Please?" Bella added as she noticed the expression in my eyes.

"Okay. Come on Eddie," Jasper said as he tugged at my shirt collar. I growled at him for the name drop, then followed him through the woods, stopping at a safe distance from the two playing in the creek.

"Didn't he ask us to stay away?" Jasper whispered, just in case Seth was paying very close attention. I listened to Seth just see if he yet suspected our proximity, but his mind was completely consumed by his love.

_Soft skin... cherry pie... rhododendrons and cherry blossoms and oh my god, how did I live this long without her? Blue eyes, blonde hair, pink lips...If my hands move an inch lower than where they are I actually get to feel those hips..._

Seth's thoughts were disjointed, swimming and swirling in a haze of pure love - and lust - all aimed at the very small woman in front of him. I couldn't see through his eyes because they were closed, but I could see alot of fantasizing going through his head.

That was when I realized that they were kissing and groping like teenagers and decided to stay out of Seth's mind when he was this consumed by desire.

_Lust, and love more than anything, _Jasper thought for my sake. _There's an undercurrent though, too much to handle from her..._ Jasper ran through all the other emotions emanating from her, trying not to let them overtake him. They were much stronger than the norm.

Confusion, happiness, pain, anger, anticipation, fear, excitement, violence - yes, violence can count as its own emotion - and hatred were all floating around her, rolling about in waves. They changed in prevelance, each one coming and going or getting weaker and stronger as the miliseconds ticked by.

"Let's move closer," Jasper said aloud.

_Edward?_

Jasper and I exchanged a glance. We'd been found out.

_Oh no, please don't stop yet... _"Vampires?"

"Just Edward. And Jasper." _What are you guys doing out here? _

"We were curious." And now the human was getting extremely curious about us.

"For good reason," Jasper added.

"Can I meet them?" _It would be fucking aesome! A vampire. A. Real. Vampire. That is insane._

"I thought you were scared," Seth teased as we glided silently from tree top to tree top, getting closer without scaring the girl.

"I was. I am, actually, I just can't resist. I want to see what the look like." She conjured up images from movie after movie, and then a few I guess she had come up with on her own.

"Guys?" _Come say hello, but keep a little distance. I don't want her getting scared._

"You're sure?"

"He's asking you," Seth told her.

"I'm sure." _I think. What could they look like?_

"Just like people do, basically."

_WHAT IN THE FUCK? Was that?_

_"_Seth,you didn't warn her about us."

"Huh?" _I'm going to get eaten. This is it, the end of the road..._

"I forgot, I'm used to everyone around just knowing. Edward reads minds, and Jasper can feel all your emotions." Seth's thoughts settled around a protective feeling for the girl, while the girl's mind was hysterical with what he'd just said to her.

"The vampires. Names are," she managed between her fits. "Edward and Jasper!" She finally sputtered out. "That's not scary at all!"

I nodded at Jasper, smirking as we stepped forward to be seen by yet another human's knowing eyes. "Sorry to disappoint," Jasper said, trying to seem unintimidating.

_So beautiful, _Both Seth and Jasper thought at the exact same time, focusing on the Liz girl. I didn't see anything so great about her.

_For a human, _Jasper's mind added as he eyed me sheepishly. I tuned him and Seth out to focus on the girl and see what her reaction to us was.

_They are like perfect people. Toooooo perfect. Look at those gold eyes, how wierd is that shit? _She pictured Seth's gold-flecked hazel eyes and felt content. _Now that is just right. _"Nice to meet you both" she said suddenly, words out of her mouth that were not the forefront of her mind. "Now please quit reading my thoughts. It's rude."

She was staring me down, willing me to look even after what she'd just said. _Yeah, you heard me. Stay the fuck out of my head, buddy. No blood and no brainwaves, not from this bitch._

Icouldn't help but to laugh at her.

_Hey, I'm not kidding, _she thought loudly. _I'll make you WANT to stay out. _She started flashing through some very private images, and then some grotesque ones. There were little short snips of things that made her feel terrible, but she worked hard to keep them behind some locked doors in her mind.

"It isn't so eay as just staying out," I told her.

She looked more determined than before as she locked eyes with me, willing me to see the pieces of herself she tried hardest to keep hidden from the world. She let some of the biggest doors open. They were images and emotions more than pure thought, and I could see now why she so easily belittled herself. Though I couldn't gather much from what was being shown to me, I got to see things through the eyes of a young girl that was being treated like an adult from much too early an age, and who couldn't help but to feel guilty of that fact alone.

She'd seen some people at their worst, on more than one occasion; There were flashes of memories that ranged from assaults, robberies and intentional overdose to unspeakable horrors such as rape and actual murder. I wanted to ask her if what I was seeing were things she had realy witnessed or if she was just trying to keep me from wanting to peek inside of her head, but I could see from the look in her eyes and the tenor of her thoughts that none of it was make believe.

"I can see what you mean."

"I've got secrets to keep, and most of them aren't truly mine," she said as she reviewed some of her memories. I tried to block her out this time, though just the strength and loudness of her voice made it very difficult.

"I can't really just stay out, it's a constant effort on my part. I hope you'll forgive me when I slip."

"Yeah, no problem," she said errantly. _That is the past. The past. Seth... Seth is my future. I think. He's supposed to be, right? And I want him to be..._

"Perfect," I said as Jasper eased her mind. He topped the happy cocktail off with a little lustful desire, as we both knew that this first encounter should soon come to a close. They had, after all, come here to spend some special time with just eachother.

"Well, you two enjoy yourselves."

"We'll be taking our leave now," Jasper backed me up as we walked away.

"Later guys!" Seth yelled, his mind only slightly even noticing anything in the world that wasn't Liz.

"It was cool to meet you!" Liz yelled as well. _They seem nice... What is that smell? Is that Armani? Is it Seth? Oh damn, that's awesome!_

I chuckled as we rounded the borderline of trees to reach the back yard.

"What?" Jasper asked, smiling curtly. _She's something else, huh?_

"I supposed. It may be interesting to see how all this plays out.."

"What do you mean? Don't you want them to do the whole Happily-Ever-After bit like all the others?"

"Sure, but they are nothing like the others. It's not going to be the same straight and easy road, not with that girl."

"Maybe not." Jasper pictured the girl's face and body, piece by piece. "I'm sure he'll find a way to make it work, because if I was eternally in love with _that_... AND she was human..."he stopped whispering to shake his head, imagining his own jealousy when men noticed Alice.

"I know what you mean, though she is just a normal girl."

"No she's not." Jasper said, letting his mind drit to her again. "She's not excruciatingly beautiul like our ladies, but she's sot and warm and human instead. If Rosalie were to meet her - "

"She would envy her to the point of insanity," I finished the thought for him.

"She's outgoing and seems comfortable to others. That puts her at about the same level, because she's very incredibly..."

"Human," I said, realizing why she seemed overloaded. She was the most humanly human I had ever come into contact with in all my years. "Strange," I muttered.

"Seth's going to have fun with her, that's for sure." He smiled sheepishly, making me feel curious myself. "What did she think about?"

"About a billion different things in a ive minute time span," I laughed quietly. "It was exhausting in there. She thought about Seth and music and drugs and people that I've never seen before...But it was like five people thinking things all at once."

"Multiple personalities?" He suggested.

"More like some type of A.D.H.D."

"Oh." He rubbed his chin while we started walking slowly towards the house. "I bet Alice would love her, then."


	20. We'rewolf

**A/N: Thank you guys so much for the awesome reviews! And sorry I had so many mistakes in spelling last chapter, my keyboard is missing some buttons and I got ahead of myself editing. I may just fix it. CHECK OUT THE SONG, it's awesome =)**

_"Turn the lights off, turn the lights off, your daddy better lock up his girls.  
Say a prayer boy, call on the cross because you ain't got no more when the music comes on.  
Board up the doors and windows and keep your crying under your breath,  
'Cause I smell a drop of beer in a ten gallon tank and I'm moving in for the kill.  
Yeah! In the wild kingdom... You don't live until you're ready to die.  
Which one of you sons of bitches is gonna make me feel alive?  
Which one of you motherfuckers is gonna get inside my heart?  
It's a full moon, denim is tight and my flannel shirt is freaking OUT!  
Run for your life, cover your eyes, I don't want you to see me party this hard.  
I've got a bone to pick with the morning sun and the first-last call,  
But I didn't put my hair in a pony tail for nothing so if I'm going home alone, I ain't going at all.  
Yeah! In the wild kingdom... You don't live until you're ready to die.  
Look away, it's too much to bear!  
I've been bitten by the party animal.  
Save yourself, save yourself!  
And tell my baby that I loved her so.  
Don't cry! Don't cry!  
I gave the world one hell of a time and I don't regret a thing except for the time I got caught giving it!  
I never thought it would take. I had thick blood and cynical skin...  
To where are you supposed to escape from the creature that's lurking inside of you?"  
- _Every Time I Die

**Chapter Twenty - We'rewolf**

"Let's go back home." I can't fucking take this anymore! I was more horny than possibly ever before in my life, and being out here just wasn't suiting the mood. I didn't want any vampires catching me with my pants down. Literally.

"Are you sure? We haven't been out here for too long." Seth didn't get it. I would just have to make him understand.

I pulled his face down closer to mine so that I could kiss him, and not in any sweet or innocent type of way. I sucked on his bottom lip and moaned in his mouth and raked my nails up and down his arms. When I pulled away from him and he finally opened his eyes, I could see that my mission had been accomplished.

"Or we could just go back to your house," he said dreamily, swaying a bit in the shallow water. He helped us both out of the creek and started gathering up our things after wrapping me gently in a beach towel. I took the things from his hands and pressed myself up against him, kissing his chest as he made sure we were leaving nothing behind.

I watched as a shiver rolled down his spine, just before he scooped me into his arms and started running so fast to the car that everything around just turned into one big blur of green. When we did reach my baby, Seth tossed our shit into the back, tossed me quite gently into the passenger seat, and had us pulling off the property in less than a minute. He reached the main road with a skid and a drift as he tore down it towards my house. I started giggling at his eagerness, and at how flying like this always scared me and made me feel exhilerated at the same time.

"What?" he asked with a huge bright smile, his eyes moving and then staying on me.

"Watch the road!" I yelled, still giggling.

He looked confused, then smiled again. "Oh, you like this?" He kept staring at me while he gradually raised his speed, taking curves better than a pro. "You like feeling a little scared?"

"Only a little, and only if I actually know that I'm safe."

"Kiss me," he said as he leaned part of the way towards me. I met him halfway and ran my lips across his briefly, him watching the highway out of the corner of his eye. "You're always safe with me, alright? Never, ever forget that or think I would let anything even come close to hurting you without stepping in it's path."

"Seth..." I didn't need protecting, I'd survived this long. Barely.

"Liz," he replied jokingly as he pulled into my driveway.

"Well that was quick!" I laughed as I jumped out of the still running car. I jogged up the path and across the porch to get the door unlocked. Seth popped up behind me like he usually did, except this time he was breathing softly next to my ear, pressed firmly up against my backside with his hands running up and down my sides intimately.

Whoa-damn.

"Here, let me," Seth whispered, wrapping his steady hand around my shaking one to unlock the door. He pushed the door in gently, then started walking me through the beginning of my house. He flung my keys on top of the television, then he started kissing very slowly down the side of my throat. I pulled away for a moment, wanting to look at him in all of his glorious manliness.

"Bedroom," I murmured, but the sound was drown out by my phone ringing.

* * *

**Seth's PoV**

I was so intoxicated by the closeness of her body to mine, by her scent and her taste and her mouth and I wasn't sure how in the world I was still standing or even thinking but it was the best I'd ever felt before.

She pulled away from me to run her eyes over my form. I could see that same sexy devilishness inside of her piercing gaze, and when her eyes stopped on my crotch area and she ran her tongue over her lips, I almost lost it right then and there. I had never wanted any one or thing in my life the way that I wanted to be with her right now.

"Bedroom." She said softly, but then her phone went off and took all of her attention away. She sighed and looked down, then reached in her purse for the interruptor. "I'm sick of hearing this fucking song." She said under her breath in agitation before answering.

She looked confused as she listened to whoever was on the phone with her; I made it a point to not listen to anyone's private conversations, so I forced myself to block the other voice out. She looked around, now fully distracted from what we had been very close to doing, then she grabbed her smokes out of her bag and went for the back door.

"Wait, wait," I heard her say as I took a seat at the kitchen table. "You're wanting for me... to come all the way there to take this shit off of your hands?" She waited another few seconds, and I could feel the tension in her rising, even from a different room.

"I don't give a fuck about the money," she said as if it were obvious, making me wonder how she had so many nice things. Where did she get money from? She didn't have a job. Neither did I, but I was broke because of it.

"Exactly how much are we talking about?..." She waited again as the other person reponded. "So six, then? No bullshit, because you know I don't fuck around... No, I'm going to wait a few days but not long. I can leave in three days, then it takes four to get there so that makes it an even week. And you're sure it needs to be me?"

What the hell was she talking about? It sounded like she was about to drive home for something. For six of something. But what? Who was she talking to?

Why was I getting this curious?

"I don't know much of anybody yet. I may end up doing it myself," she said with a laugh. "Yeah, I'll keep you updated, do the same for me. Later."

She hung up her phone and flicked her cigarette away as she strode happily back inside.

"What?" I asked, feeling guilty for wondering so hard what she was up to. It technically wasn't my business.

"I have to go home for a few days," she responded casually.

I, on the other hand, was dumbfounded. I didn't want her to leave. "Why?" I said, sounding almost as desperate as I was.

"I have to help out a friend, and they're gonna help me out for helping them." She smiled and it lit her face up so beautifully that I almost forgot that I was freaking out. Then I remembered.

"Can I come with you?" I suggested before the thought actually registered in my head.

She looked taken aback, and I have to admit that it stung a bit. "We'll see. Didn't you say something was going on tonight?" She didn't at all hide her direct attempt at a subject change.

"Yeah, everybody wants to welcome the nice weather by having a bonfire on the beach. Everybody also wants to see you, so I thought it best that I let you know," I smirked. She was too pretty to feel so anxious around.

"When are they all going to be there?"

I looked over at the clock on the stove. "Probably an hour and a half, maybe longer."

Liz parked her car, ending another silent ride for us, aside from the music. I wish I could tell what was on her mind when she stayed quiet, when her face would show me that her emotions were running wild and she didn't even realize I could see it.

She surprised me by pulling out a bottle of Grey Goose vodka and handing it to me. "It's not a party without any goodies," she giggled. How did she change her moods so easily? Or rather, how did she hide so easily? It was like it came natural to her to put on a happy face for everyone around her - and I could definitely tell she was not happy right now. Something was off behind her eyes.

I let her lead me down to the group that had already convened on the beach. I watched her as she waved hello to Emily, Sam, Dave and Chris, wondering where King Asshole was lurking. He thought about Liz alot, even though he hadn't seen her much lately. It was only a matter of time before he was trying to make another move for her.

"Hey, Liz!" I heard from behind, clenching my fists as he neared. His timing couldn't have been worse.

"Hey," she smiled back as Josh came upon us. He pulled Liz into a hug, and I had to bite the inside of my jaw to stop from punching him. Everyone was starting to notice, and I didn't like that either. I waited for him to release her and then linked my hand with hers.

"Come and meet Jarred," I told her trying on a mask of my own. "He's one of my best friends."

"Okay," she said as she pulled her hand out of mine, shooting me a look that let me know any hand-holding was off limits right now. I tried to not let it bother me anymore as we sat down together on a log next to Kim and Jarred.

"Seth, you finally saw us fit to meet your girl!" Jarred joked while Kim stared at him all dreamy eyed. I wish Liz would look at me like that.

"Yours?" Liz asked, her finger pointed at herself and a look of shock on her face as she waited for me to respond.

"Umm..." was the best that was going to come out of my mouth right now, because my head was going into overdrive.

Her face quickly rearranged itself and she started laughing at me. Then she leaned over and kissed my cheek, which took me completely off guard.

"So you guys started dating?" Kim asked, finally pulling herself away rom whatever she thought was so wonderful about Jarred.

"I'm not really a make-it-official type of girl..." Liz replied thoughtfully.

"Why not?"

"Horrible dating history," Liz replied with a shake of her head.

"Oh, tell me about it." Kim rolled her eyes animatedly, now fully enthralled in conversation with my Liz. "Before I had Jarred, every relationship I'd been in was such a crap-shoot. My last boyfriend was like a vegetable, he only wanted to sit at home and let his mommy feed him and play video games all day."

Liz looked down shyly for a moment, smiling in a condescending way. "My last boyfriend was a drug addict. And he wanted to be a ladies man while we dated."

Kim, Jarred, myself and everyone that heard her couldn't stop the look of horror from appearing on our faces.

"Well, that's pretty crappy," Kim tried to not let her unease show through.

"Actually, he wasn't so bad. The guy I dated before that was a drug addict too, only he was a heavy dealer as well." Liz smiled again at her own personal scary story; I think she was enjoying freaking Kim out. "He would let his fists do the talking alot with me, he robbed people and people robbed him back because of it, he even cussed out my mom one time. Total piece of shit," she said with another sad shake of her head. "He was in prison for awhile. After we dated, I mean."

Kim's mouth was open for a minute before anything came out of it. "That must have been so horrible for you."

"Nah," Liz shrugged quickly. "That's a normal life. People aren't supposed to escape all the bullshit that comes with it."

"So, isn't it great that you have Seth now? It's guaranteed - he'll always be there when you need him, he'll never do you wrong..." Her gaze flickered back to Jarred, and the rest of everything must have melted away because she let her eyes stay there.

"Sounds too good to be true," Liz said to me when she knew Kim's attention was completely off of her.

"I think it just sounds true. And good," I replied as she leaned her head over onto my shoulder. She reached over and took the forgotten bottle from my hands.

She leaned up and smiled at me as she unscrewed the cap. "You don't live until you're ready to die..." And with that she tipped the bottle up, causing everyone to stop their conversations and watch as she chugged some straight whiskey. They were in awe, but I knew Liz and I knew this was nothing out of the ordinary for her. She finally pulled the bottle from her mouth, a look of disgust on her face. She stuck her tongue out for a second and then was fine.

"Hell yeah girl!" Chris yelled from where he and the other idiots were hanging out. He stood up and jogged over, giving Liz a high five.

"Sure, I should totally be proud of being able to do that," Liz said sarcastically. She laughed as she noticed that everyone had noticed her, and then she tipped the bottle up again. Dave and Josh saw that I wasn't doing anything to deter Chris from talking to Liz and took that as a cue to come over and sit with us as well.

"Where's your guitar?" Josh asked, pissing me off again.

"Home," Liz shrugged. She narrowed her eyes fr a moment and then looked at me. "I think I'm drunk already," she said and I could tell she was right. She took another long hard pull off the bottle and then capped it and set it down in the sand at her feet. "Walk down the beach with me." She held her hand out as she got to her feet, trying not to fall over. I'd catch her if she did.

I took her hand and we started walking out closer to the shore, far enough away for the others not to hear us. "Can I ask you about something?" I finally began, not sure which thing it was that I wanted to ask her about.

"Sure, of course."

"What are you going home for?" That was the most pressing for now, I suppose.

"Dope," she replied as she kicked a pebble to the side.

It hit me then how obvious the whole situation should have been, but I was still surprised. "Why would you do that?" I asked, not realizing how angry my voice sounded at first.

She looked hurt, and then there was something like a storm brewing behind her big mostly-blue eyes. "Because I've been a fucking drug dealer for most of my life."

"Is that where you got all of your money?" I was shouting and didn't know why, but I would come to regret it. Instantly.

"No, and my money is NONE of your fucking business!" She turned away for a second, then looked back at me with the most fierce expression I'd ever seen on a face that wasn't Leah's. "Stay out of my shit. You're not my boyfriend - don't ever pretend like you are."


	21. What a Horrible Night to Have a Curse

**Chapter Twenty One - What a Horrible Night to Have a Curse**

"I'm sorry," he said quickly. I knew it had just went too far, and I did not want to argue with him, but it still irked me how he put his arms up defensively like a fucking criminal about to get popped.

"Put your hands down," I whispered, my face in my own hands. How did he not understand that it wasn't him I was mad at?

"Sorry," he said again as fast as the word would come out of his mouth. He was all wide eyed and terrified looking, and I hated that I had put that expression on his usually happy face.

I wasn't one to always admit my wrongs or apologize when I didn't know how to, so I stared at him for a few more seconds while I tried to form some kind of words. It only took that long to realize that I didn't actually have anything to say, and then I just stepped forward and wrapped my arms around him.

His body instantly responded to the contact with mine. His arms gripped me close to him and he buried his face in my hair.

"At least just let me protect you, Liz," he said into my head, his voice pleading. "You can do whatever you do, I won't fault you for it, but I need for you to be safe. Always."

"Seth," I sighed. "I'm drunk, this really isn't decision making time for me... But you can come home with me for a couple of days if that's what you need to ease your mind, or what the fuck ever."

"Really?" He jumped back and lowered himself to my height.

"Yes, really, so hold me to it if I forget that I said that." I reached down and pulled off both of my flip-flops. "Now, let's do the damn thing." I laughed as I ran towards the gray waves rolling back and forth from the shore. I hadn't been in the ocean since I was a little kid.

Seth waded into the water behind me and wrapped his arms around me from behind. "Thank you," he whispered into my ear before planting his lips on my left temple. "I promise I won't get in your way."

I sighed, knowing this whole situation was wrong. "I know you won't." Even if you should. "Want to go back to the party? I bet Josh and them already tore up that bottle."

"Probably," he smirked as he started leading me back up the wet sand. If that liquor was really gone, I was going to kick some asses into the ground. I didn't want to face my own guilt that had been building up for in me for most of my life. Then again, if I got too drunk it was hard to tell what the fuck would happen tonight.

Guess everybody would find out, though.

"Yeah," I said in relief when I found my Goose safe and sound and untouched. I hugged it for just a second before popping the top and filling up again.

"How can you stand that shit?" Josh asked, putting his attention on me again as soon as he noticed I was back.

"What do you mean?" I asked in return.

"You're drinking straight vodka, no chaser. And you've taken at least six shots worth. That's insane." He smiled so that I would know not to take offense, and it was the first time that I felt like he was being sincere towards me. Everything he'd ever said before had just made me feel like he might be creepy.

"I'm a trooper," I joked. Seth wound his arm around my waist and pulled himself a step closer to me. I think Josh made him kind of nervous.

"You're a pro," Josh laughed. I figured that was as good a closer as any, so I turned away to meet Seth's slightly anxious eyes.

"I want to go hang out with the girls," I told him as I pointed towards Emily and Kim and some others I didn't know. "And I'm going to get them shit-faced."

"Have fun," Seth smiled as he released me. I trotted off to the group of ladies with my vodka held out like a fucking offering, because I figured I should try and be on their good side. Even if I didn't end up with Seth.

"Hey, Liz," Emily said warmly as she caught my approach. She seemed really nice; I wonder what in the world she could think about me. Seth said that all the wolves could hear eachothers throughts, so I assumed that some things heard were just passed around like public knowledge even if it was initially heard as a private thought. This made me really nervous, because I considered my entire existence as being a private thought.

I sat down next to Emily, who was still smiling kindly enough for me to think that maybe she hadn't heard too much bullshit about me.

"Liz," she whispered as the others were laughing at something I missed. "Have you met Leah yet? She's my first cousin - and Seth's sister."

My eyes scanned the group of females, wondering which one was Leah. I finally realized that I had seen one before at Seth's house, the one time I had been there. His sister was the tallest and meanest looking of all the women here tonight.

"I've seen her once before..." I replied after I'd already found her. "She's freakin' beautiful, isn't she?"

Emily laughed. "Yes, that she is." When I looked again at Leah, she was already staring at me and the way her eyes were squinted had me a little worried. Girls usually never tried to fight with me back home, because they knew I would fucking annihilate them and turn half my town against them.

Here there were none of my friends, no way to ruin a bitches reputation easily, and especially no way to know that if this particular girl wanted to brawl, I would exit said fight on top. Because this girl looked like she could easily take me.

Shit, she looked like she'd use my bones as toothpicks or something. Had she been to prison before?

"Hi," a nervous voice said from above, snapping me out of self-preservation mode. I snapped back in when I looked up to see who I'd just been thinking of.

"Umm.. hey," I answered. She was making me feel like a punk, and no-fucking-body did that. I was an alpha and I always would be. "Want to sit down?" I don't like the height advantage, bitch.

"Sure," she answered and her face softened enough for me to think that maybe she didn't want to beat my ass. Which was good for both of us, because a fight with her would mean that I'd have to fuck up her face. Like, when I bashed it with a brick because there was no fair in fighting when it really came down to it.

Kill or be killed, motherfuckers.

"Can I have a drink?" Leah asked, pointing at the bottle in my hands.

"Oh. Yeah, of course." I handed it over; she could have the whole thing if she wanted. "I didn't bring anything to chase with..."

She turned it up just like I had, letting the liquid flow down her throat for a few seconds before pulling it away from her mouth. She felt that shiver and shake that I loved alcohol for, then recovered quickly. As quickly as me.

"Damn, I think I've met my match," I joked. "Usually nobody can drink with me. Nobody without a penis, anyways."

Leah started laughing, and it almost felt like she didn't understand the noise coming out of her own mouth. I could see this bitchy exterior practically shake itself loose and let her go.

"Wow, Seth told me I would like you," she said, still fighting with the laughter bubbling up and out of her.

"Why, do you?" She passed the vodka back and I took a swig.

"I guess I have to, don't I? You're going to be a part of my family." She looked down at her feet, almost like she felt embarassed. "I probably would anyways, from what I've seen."

Something clicked then, and I really looked at her this time. "Hey, you're a fucking werewolf too, aren't you?" I busted out, filled with awe. I hadn't considered this for even a second before just now.

"Did he not tell you?" She shook her head, reminding me of myself. No one had ever seemed anything like me _to _me before. "I'm the only one."

The only girl werewolf of them all, sitting here just talking and drinking with me. This was wierd. And I was nervous again, because if Leah really did want me down, she could so easily put me there. I wouldn't stand a chance.

"Hmmm," I said as I took another drink. I'd already had too much to expect myself to think or act rationally. Now I just had to work to keep my mouth shut about certain things.

"Don't worry, she's not as mean as she looks," Emily teased. "Or as she acts."

"You would know," Leah retorted as I passed the bottle back to her. I caught a flash of something in her dark eyes when she glanced at Emily, something that no one was meant to see. Jealousy? "So, Liz. What's the deal with you and my brother right now?"

"I... Umm... I don't know. He's like my best friend..." I tried to define Seth to myself. "But more than that. He's very... important."

"You'll fall in love with him, there's no fighting it."

"Why? What if I decide otherwise?"

"You won't," she replied. "Some of them have tried fighting it before, and they always cave eventually."

"Not me," I said, because nobody told me what I was going to do. I made my own decision, especially when it came to men.

"You'll see," she said confidently.

"Let her find out on her own," Emily said as she reached around me to nudge Leah's arm. "If she chooses otherwise, then she chooses otherwise."

"Thank you, Emily." Damn straight.

"I have to look out for him, you know? He's my baby brother. Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"Not blood, just illegally adopted family," I laughed.

"That's how we are around here, too." Emily looked around at all the girls and then back towards all the wolves that were partying it up not far from us. I could tell that she meant it - she definitely viewed them all as her family, blood or no.

"For the most part," Leah said under her breath as she stared at something else behind my head. I turned around and saw Josh coming towards us.

"Hey, Liz can I talk to you for a minute?" He sounded out of breath as he approached, which didn't strike me as normal. I'd never once een Seth out of breath, though I had been able to make him sweat a couple of times. Heh heh.

"Okay." I pushed my ass off the log and stumbled a little as I walked around it. "What's up?"

"Seth," he began - and I sub-consciously started scanning the beach for him - ,"Wanted to show you something."

"Where is he?" We were walking past most of the people now and I still didn't see him. I could usually just sort of fell it when he was close enough to me, but my drunkeness might have hindered that ability.

"He's up here," he said as he led me further on. "Here, it's too dark for you." He held his arm towards me. "Hold on to me so you don't fall."

I reluctantly gripped his arm in both hands, because I really couldn't see a damn thing ahead of me.

Some part of my instincts were in tact, because I stopped walking as a chill rolled down my spine. I could feel something off, something out there that was frightening.

A snarl ripped through the distant noises from the party, confirming the fear I felt flowing from my head down to my toes. My body went rigid and I blinked... and then a wolf came flying through the darkness, tackling Josh to the ground.

There were suddenly two horse-sized wolves in front of me, one deep gray and the other a beautiul sand color. Josh... and Seth.

The distinct sound of flesh ripping and tearing filled my ears, and I was still feeling the fear in every inch of my body... so I did the only thing I could think to do.

I fucking ran.


	22. Doomsayer The Beginning of the End

_"You are the only one  
__with the ability to turn this tide,  
__With capacity to learn the truth, and burn the lies  
__that signalize our disgust!_

_So come with me!  
I'll be your Doomsayer  
__and show you everything that you'll never see  
__Behind borrowed eyes..."  
- _Darkest Hour

**Chapter Twenty Two - Doomsayer (The Beginning of the End)**

I hated myself. I didn't know how to fix it at this point. I had been living the same life for so long now that I just didn't know any other way.

My phone rang, and I knew it was Seth because Ana was texting me. I turned my music up louder and hit the silent button for the billionth time today. Sometimes I just wanted to be left alone, and today I had some business to take care of - no personal shit.

_It would take less than a week. _Ana hit me back, taking a little weight off of my shoulders.

_All profit. I'm not worried about the money this time. Get this shit rollin and it will be good for you. _I texted back. I didn't want to put so much off on her, but I knew she could handle it better than me right now. She still had a customer base.

My phone rang again, but this time it was Josh. What the fuck was wrong with these guys? I was very clearly ignoring them, too busy trying to wrap my mind around this dangerous new world I'd stepped into. And I'd thought my old life was so rough.

At least with other people, I knew I could defend myself. This land filled with mythical monsters was not something I could always be protected against. Wolves and vampires were bullet-proof, and any one of them could kill me just by accident.

I was putting myself into the line of fire on purpose. I'd went years and years hanging around people that I knew could easily hurt me, but that was my way of surviving, my way of life. The wolves weren't going to try to rob me or hurt me though; they were just volatile by nature.

Just ask Emily.

My phone rang yet again, and this time it was Ana. I was getting pretty fucking popular today.

"Hey," I answered, hitting pause on the stereo.

"What's wrong?" She responded immediately. I sat up and grabbed my acoustic, positioning the phone between my shoulder and my face so I could hit some strings.

"What do you mean?" I said, answering her question with another question which I should have known was a bad idea. Ana knew me too well.

"What the fuck is going on Elizabeth?" She snapped, pissing me off.

"Hey! Ana Belle, you bitch," I replied hastily, because the name game was bullshit and we both knew it.

"Alright, just talk to me then. You sound like a fuckin' zombie right now."

"I'm fine, just... confused I guess. More so than usual."

"You better snap out of it before you see me, or it's fucking on," she teased.

"Yeah, like it's not anyways. How many people are going to throw me a party?" I laughed. Coming home was always the same, whether you were gone for a day or a year - you were getting a warm welcome back. _That_ is fucking hospitality.

"Oh, just wait. Are you playing Townes?" She was so excited she might piss her pants. "Play it out please?" She asked, and I could picture her giving me the puppy dog eyes so I obliged. She deserved it if that was all she asked of me, because I was about to drop a few years worth of prison off on her.

Like I said, I fucking hate myself.

I played Rake for her, and then I even played Nothin' because she was my number one motherfucker and she asked to hear it. Then I got off the phone with her so that I could be depressed properly.

For the first time in my life, I felt totally lost. I used to know where I was headed, and even if it wasn't a good place at least I was prepared to be there. Where was I now? Where was I going if I kept doing everything that I was doing right now?

Well, that was actually a dumb question because if I kept up what I was doing right this minute, I knew where I would be after so much time passed by: Jail. Or rehab, at the least.

That wasn't me though, just one single fragment of a hugely shattered human being. I always kept my physical vices in check.

I spread myself out across my bed, wondering why in the hell I'd taken this turn today. I was screwing myself over, hurting my body and my mind and getting nothing good in return. I was blowing off the person that mattered most to me, mainly for the fact that I was certain he mattered most and that was just alot to handle for me. I shouldn't be caring so much for someone I barely know...

And yet I let my mind focus on nothing but him, pushing the rest of the world aside to try and figure out how he and I could ever possibly be together. He was the Sun and my entire world seemed to be revolving around him, no matter what I tried to distract myself with.

God damn I fucking hate cocaine.

I almost threw my guitar across the room in frustration, but then I thought about how much it would really hurt my feelings if something happened to it so I laid it down gently before jumping up to my feet. I had no friends to see and I'd already checked my e-mail three times during my self-imposed purgatory, so I grabbed my throwing knives and headed out the back door.

I could feel him in the open air of my backyard, even smell him slightly when the wind blew.

He was out here somewhere. He better know to leave me the fuck alone right now.

I lit up a cigarette and aimed my first knife at a tree about twenty feet away. I flung my knife and smiled, glad that I still had it in me. I hadn't practiced lately.

I wound my hair up into a tight bun and descended the stairs of my back porch, stopping at the foot of them.

_Whap, whap, whap._

Dead center each fucking time. I jogged to the tree and struggled to pull out all four knives, almost falling backwards when the last finally came loose. I went back to my original position and threw each knife at a new tree, this one about thirty feet from where my feet were planted. And again, I got four bullseye's.

I retrieved my knives again and decided that my aim was good enough now to try a few tricks. I started throwing blindly, over my shoulders, spin throws, and then flinging multiple knives at once which was surprisingly the most difficult. It felt great to alleviate some of my anger at the world, and to prove to myself that even if I got killed by something that wasn't supposed to exist, I was still pretty fucking badass.

Let the average monsters come - I'll stick a knife in their guts.

I was just getting into a good mood when I heard what sounded like a dog whimpering off the edges of my backyard, somewhere just deep enough so that I couldn't see it.

I rolled my eyes and considered flipping whoever off just to get my point across. Instead I popped my earphones in and blasted some music to block out the world. I hated the idea that I was being watched at any given moment, but I would have to tell Seth that later on. For now, I would just give this one a fucking show.

I spent at least an hour killing the trees in my yard, taking out all my rage on things that I couldn't hold at fault. It felt pretty awesome. I went inside when I was finished and realized I'd left my phone in my room, just as it started ringing.

"Hello."

"Liz..." Seth sounded so cute when he said my name like that. "Why have you been ignoring me? I've been worried about you for two days!"

"Relax, you knew I was fine. I can feel you guys in the air when you're hanging around here."

"I knew you weren't hurt, I didn't know if you were fine. After what happened the other night... and then you just disappeared and this is the first time I'm hearing from you. I'm sorry..."

"Stop apologizing all the time Seth. It makes you sound like a pussy."

"Sor- Well, what should I say then? And I am _not _a pussy."

"Yeah, I know you're not, you could kill everyone around if you wanted."

"Did I scare you?" His voice was lowered and I could tell that he felt bad.

I sighed. "Yes, you scared me a little bit, but I know that you would never hurt me, so it's nothing to apologize for. That shit is between you and Josh."

"It's about you too. I don't understand why he's so interested in you, but if he doesn't stop then I might have to make him."

"It's not about me, I don't give a fuck about Josh or about what you might do to him." I rolled over onto my stomach. "I want to see you," I whispered, almost hoping that he wouldn't hear. I felt so guilty for wanting him, no matter how willing he was to be mine.

"Oh really?" He asked teasingly. I could hear something rustling through the phone and my heart jumped into my stomach because I knew he was already coming.

"Yes," I said slowly, my lips curling up as I heard another indistinguishable noise.

"Well, open your door then."

"Okay," I laughed as I jumped up. I threw open the bedroom door and smacked into Seth's rock hard chest. "Seth! I thought you meant the front door!"

"I would say sorry, but somebody told me not to anymore." He smirked at me and it was freaking sexy.

"Well what kind of bitch would tell you something like that?" I asked as my arms wound around him and my eyes zeroed in on his mouth.

"A sexy one," he breathed as he lowered himself to my level and put his hands on my back. I knew I may come to regret it at some point, but I couldn't stop myself from bringing my lips to his.

This kiss was different, even within the first second. There was no urgency, just the amazing emotions that ran between the two of us - the ones that let me know I wouldn't be getting out of this easily at all. If I ever decided that I wanted to, which wasn't happening if he kept this up.

He pulled just his lips from mine, letting his hot breath fan out over my face. My right hand was curved around the side of his neck and I could feel his pulse thumping beneath it.

For a second I wondered what things would be like between us if I was just a regular girl and if Seth was just a regular guy. I wondered if it would make things very easy... or maybe just very boring. Life wasn't meant to be easy all the time.

"Stay with me tonight?" I glanced at the clock behind me, not wanting him to see the fear flash across my face. I'd never asked a man to stay over before. This would be wierd if he said no.

"Any night you want," he breathed as he leaned to kiss me again. He kept a hand on either side of my face and eventually ran one up through my hair. Then he stepped away and started walking towards the closet in the middle of my hallway.

"What are you doing?" I asked as he opened up the door and started reaching towards my sheets.

"Getting a sheet and pillow," he answered instantly.

"Seth, you don't have to sleep on the couch tonight." I covered part of my face with my hands, because that one was hard to spit out.

He turned towards me and I could see the moment when he figured out what I'd meant. "Okay," he said with a shrug of his shoulders, even if his smile was bigger than I'd ever seen it.

I let him lead me to the huge bed in the dead center of the room, then laid on my side next to him. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against him, being careful not to make me uncomfortable. I leaned up and kissed him one more time, letting some of the tension out of my mind the second my lips touched his.

"Good night, Liz," Seth whispered when I settled back into the pillows.

"Good night," I whispered back, my smile hidden in the darkness.


	23. The Wolf Is Loose

**Chapter Twenty Three - The Wolf Is Loose (Seth's PoV)**

We arrived in Liz's home town around eleven at night, and she was practically bouncing out of her seat.

"Let me drive," she said excitedly, pointing at a Go-Mart where she wanted me to pull in. I was excited too, probably more than she was.

She was my girlfriend now.

I parked the car and we both hopped out to switch places.

"Legs!" Someone yelled out of the group in the parking lot.

"Hey!" Liz yelled back, waving at a man that was short and wide with long, stringy hair. He looked over at me warily. Then he looked back at Liz and a huge smile broke out on his greasy face.

"Where you been girl?" He asked happily, looking at her in a way that made me wonder if he'd forgotten I was standing right here. Or if he didn't care.

"I've been living in Washington," she replied. "Seth, this is Skeet," she gestured back and forth, "And this is my man Seth."

"What's up?" he asked, trying to look tough at me. I puffed my chest out a little and shook his hand hard. Liz giggled, and he turned his attention back to her. "What'cha doin' tonight?" He asked her. I'd like to wipe that nasty smile off his face.

"I'm not sure yet..." she answered, looking a little uncomfortable. "We're going to Mom's right now."

"Well call me if you hear about anything good."

"Okay, later." She smiled and then got into the car, shutting her door quickly. Skeet and I stared at eachother until he decided to turn and retreat. That guy looked like a complete sleazeball.

We drove with metal blaring loud enough to literally burst my eardrums, but I couldn't complain. I was a newly converted music lover.

Liz pointed out houses that her friends lived in, places where she'd done things and all the bars that would let her drink at even if the owners knew her real age. I knew we were getting close to her old home when the stores and bars started thinning out and we were going up a mountain road surrounded by trees. She settled down a little and looked content.

"We have to stop and grab Ana," she said as she pulled up to one small white house that set back from the dirt road it was on. She whipped out her phone and hit about four buttons.

"Lizzy!" Her friend answered excitedly after the first ring. "I'm putting my shoes on, I'll be out in a second!"

Liz laughed out an okay and stepped out of the car again. Ana appeared just a moment later, running down the porch steps and straight into Liz's arms, almost pushing her over in her haste. They hugged and laughed playfully before Ana looked over and noticed me.

"Hey!" She said, rounding the car in my direction. "You must be Seth." She held out her hand and smiled in a warm, friendly way.

"Nice to meet you," I said to her as I shook her hand.

"You too." She looked back over at Liz. "Are we going to Momma's? I haven't talked to her in over a week."

"Yeah, definitely." Liz opened her door back up and we both followed suit and got into the car. We only drove for a couple more minutes to another house right down the street while Liz and Ana chattered happily.

I felt nervous as I stared at the tan house, wondering what Liz's mom would be like and if she would approve of me. I also wondered if it would really matter if she did, because Liz didn't seem like the type to care. She had that Don't-Give-A-Fuck attitude, as she called it.

The front door opened as I shut the trunk with all of our things in my arms, and a woman walked out that instantly registered as Liz's mom. They had the same face, aside from the obvious age difference, and her Mom had shorter, wildly curly red hair.

"Hey, baby!" Mom yelled at Liz who was jogging towards her. They hugged too and kissed eachother on the cheeks. Ana hovered for a moment by me to see if I needed her to carry anything, then we went into the house as well. I followed Ana through a livingroom, eyeing pictures of Liz on the wall before stopping in the kitchen where Liz and her mom were talking.

"Check this shit out, Mom." Liz said as she plugged her iPod into some speakers on the counter. Mastadon started and, to my utter astonishment, Liz's mom smiled widely and started moving with the music.

"Hell yeah," Mom said. Liz went to the refrigerator and grabbed some yogurt while I watched them interact. It was extremely interesting, because Liz hadn't really said much of anything about her mother before.

"You goin' to get drunk with us tonight Momma?" Liz asked with her mouth full. Her breath smelled like strawberries now.

Her Mom rolled her eyes. "No sweetheart, I don't believe I will."

"Want me to find you something better?" Liz laughed.

Her mom sighed and shook her head. I was beginning to see some serious resemblance. "Um, no. I think I'll pass. Are you going to go play with your friends tonight?"

"What do you think?" Liz mumbled, then her eyes shot over and stayed glued to me. "I don't know, think Seth can handle 'em?"

Her mom's eyes flew to me then too, and I swallowed nervously. "You're quiet," she observed as she scrutinized me. "Are you a drug dealer?"

"No!" I answered as Liz said, "Mom!"

"Doper?"

"No, he's not actually," Liz said with a huff. "He's a good guy." She smiled over at me, and I couldn't help but smile back.

"Oh, god..." her Mom said with another shake of her head. "Well, if he's a good guy then he better watch out for you Elizabeth."

"Don't say that!" Liz yelled, getting a little angry. "He knows who the fuck I am, he's cool with it."

"Don't get him on anything - "

"I won't," Liz said through clenched teeth. "I won't give him a damn thing, and he's not doing that shit around me. I won't let him."

"Well good, then." Mom answered, crossing her arms over her chest. I didn't understand why the conversation had made this type of turn, but I didn't like the tension in the air. Liz looked dejected and her mom looked pissed off.

Liz smirked defiantly, a look I'd seen on her face too many times before. She looked at her Mom again, another storm brewing behind those baby blues. "Want a tab, Mom?"

"No!" Her mom yelled, throwing her hands up for a moment. "Don't bring that shit into my house!"

"Why? Afraid you'll want it too much?"

"Elizabeth..."

"Don't treat me like I'm the fucking elephant in the room. I remember my motherfucking childhood." She flung her spoon into the sink and leaned against the countertop, her posture showing her rebellion. She looked sexy like that.

"I've been doing good for a long time now, Liz. Please don't do this." Her voice was quieter and she was staring at the floor.

"That's fine, just so long as you remember _why _it is that you're doing good. If it weren't for me, you'd be hiding in the bathroom at work to stick a fucking needle in your arm at this point. You're not the only person in the room responsible for giving another one their life."

"I'm sorry..." her mom answered, totally defeated. I had no idea what they were talking about, but I hoped they were done fighting. I was on Liz's side and I didn't want to start off bad with her mom.

"Hey, hey guys! Let's not have this talk right yet," Ana said, cocking her head towards me. Like they'd forgotten I was standing here. "Mom's been good Lizzy, you know I keep an eye on her." She winked and Liz giggled, ending the tense feeling in the room. Mom got up from the table and gave both Liz and Ana a hug, shook my hand and then sat back down.

"You." Liz said as she pointed at Ana. "We need to talk."

"Uh-uh. Business first thing tomorrow. You're getting welcomed home tonight."

"Where?" Liz asked, faking annoyance with her best friend.

"Well... before I tell you that, let me explain - "

"No. I'm not bringing him to Darrell's, it's a fucking shit-fest over there." Liz had one perfectly groomed eyebrow arched and her arms over her chest, aggravation rolling off of her in waves.

"Oh yes, you are bringing him there." Ana answered with a note of finality. How did she get by talking to Liz like that? Anybody else would have at least got a few unkind words. She hated anyone telling her what to do, which was cool because I never had to tell her to do anything.

"Fuck. That." Liz said, pointing at her own mouth.

"Why? Are you and Darrell fighting?" Mom asked.

"I guess... that's not even the main problem though. Seth's _way_ too nice to be hanging around that many hoodlums in the unofficial House of Debauchery. Seriously, fucking look at him, Ana! They'll chew him up and spit him out. Especially if he shows up with me."

"Liz, he's a fucking beefed up giant! I'm fairly sure he can take care of himself," she said firmly. I felt pretty awkward having them talk about me when I was right in front of them. And because I'd just been referred to as a 'beefed up giant'.

Liz giggled, unable to hide her own amusement. "He's hard on the outside babe, but he's gooey in the middle."

"Fuck that Liz. He's a man, if he can't handle a couple of dumbasses giving him a hard time or flirting with his girlfriend, then he picked the wrong girl." They both looked at me, waiting for me to say something I guess.

"I'll be fine, let's just go." I was trying my mask on again, the one that Liz always had perfected. I would never try to ruin her fun, never make her stay away from anyone she wished to see, but I didn't have to like it and I didn't have to show her that I didn't like it. I would just have to grit my teeth and make it through the night... and possibly pummel anyone who thought they were bad enough to say or do something out of line to my girl.

"Alright..." Liz said with a smirk as she followed Ana towards the front door. She paused to let me catch up to her, then she whispered under her breath, "Don't bullshit a bullshitter, okay? I can't take care of you tonight."

We rode in the car for two blocks before turning up a different, more isolated dirt road. I could feel the music bumping beneath me all the way from down the street, and I was getting more and more anxious by the second. I didn't know what - or who - to expect tonight, and I kept hoping that Liz was just exaggerating about her friends. Then again, I'd seen videos of the madness that she used to surround herself with, so it shouldn't be too surprising.

I knew we had arrived at our destination when I saw two young guys about to fight eachother on the front lawn. Liz parked her car, got out and went straight up to one of them, trying to figure out what was going on. Ana went to her side, so I did as well.

"... tried to fuck my girl!" One man was saying, pointing a drunken finger at the other. He stopped for a second and smiled down at Liz, fighting just to keep standing and to hold his eyes open. "Gimme a hug, Legs," he slurred, making both girls giggle.

The other guy threw something down - a watch, I think - sparking the conflict up again.

"Hey!" Liz snapped, yelling loudly. "RJ, go the fuck on! Get out of here!"

"Hunh..." RJ answered, also too drunk to understand what was going on.

Liz looked at Ana and they nodded yes to some unanswered question. They both took one of his arms and wrapped them around their shoulders, then led him towards a shed were some more people were drinking and doing god knows what else. He looked excited that two girls were now giving him their attention, so he didn't struggle once as they took him away and dropped him down onto an old ratty couch, making the occupants scramble away.

"Ana Belle!" Another drunk sounding man yelled from somewhere. Ana snatched Liz's hand and pulled her back outside, me keeping my distance but still watching every move. Liz and Ana ran up to a guy that looked about my age with dark wavy hair that was longer than Liz's. I recognized him from the video Liz had let me watch. He was a killer guitar player.

He hugged Ana to him lovingly, then released her and picked Liz up, swinging her around in the air yelling, "Legs!" She giggled and smacked at his hands until he put her down, then she started looking around for me. I came to her and she took my hand, then introduced me to Vince, who was Ana's boyfriend and one of Liz's very close friends.

"You're a lucky motherfucker," Vince laughed before swigging his beer. "You better take care of her, though," he warned, too messed up for me to take him seriously, though Liz had always spoken highly of him. He couldn't be too bad.

"Let's go in," Ana said, holding tight to Vince's hand. He leaned down and kissed her on the head, and I almost felt like I was intruding on a private moment. I turned my head and Liz started pulling me towards the door of the house.

I had just assumed that there was a stereo inside playing all the great music, but when I entered the livingroom of the house there were five guys playing it all live. I was awestruck by the level of expertise to which they were all playing, especially since they were so obviously inebriated. Now I understood Liz's passion for music, and how she'd gotten so good at making it herself. She'd said that everyone around her had been her teachers growing up.

We were met with choruses of "Legs!" and "Liz!" among other things, but it was very clear that everyone here wanted a piece of my girl. I was almost scared they would start fighting eachother for her attantion they were getting so riled up. There were at least thirty people here, beer and liquor bottles decorating the place, and plates of lined out drugs being passed around at random - the Unofficial House of Debauchery, indeed.

Liz was being swept this way and that, trying to keep up with all the people coming at her. She turned down a couple of the line-filled plates, and people started looking at her like they just didn't know what to make of it. Then they started offering her whiskey, which she chugged down. That seemed to satisfy them all, to see Liz upholding her position as a party girl.

I tried to stay close to her without her noticing me much, because this wasn't a typical Friday night for me and I wasn't going to get messed up with her. I still wanted to keep my eyes on her though, just in case she needed me for any reason. It would be alot easier to take care of her if I wasn't drunk like everyone else here.

Someone called Liz into the kitchen of the house, which was visible from the livingroom, and she went with a smile; she was getting tipsy already. A short, squat young man offered her another plate, but this time she said, "Fuck it," and stuck a straw up her right nostril. I didn't like this, but I'd already promised myself not to ruin her fun.

"Lizzy!" A girl yelled as she came out of the bathroom with a man following closely behind her.

"Hey Mandy!" Liz said as the girl threw her arms around her. Mandy kissed Liz sloppily, then reached for the same plate. This place was far out of control.

"Do a car bomb with me!" Mandy yelled to Liz over the excruciatingly loud music. Liz nodded a yes and seconds later, they were chugging tall glasses of Guiness that they'd dropped shots into. Liz finished much faster, and then when Mandy was done she noticed me out of the corner of her eye. "Who's he?" she asked Liz, licking her lips while she stared at me.

"He," Liz sauntered over to me, placing her hand on my chest. "Is mine. This is Seth."

"Damn, where can I find me one?" Mandy asked, joining us a few feet away.

"Why do you care? Go find Thad, he's trying to get into Marissa's pants right now," Liz snapped. Mandy looked around until she found Thad, then walked away wordlessly while Liz muttered, "Slut," under her breath.

"Legs, get your hot ass in here!" Whoever had the microphone yelled over the loud speakers. Ana appeared then and started pulling Liz away from me, and all I could do was watch. I just kept telling myself that it could be alot worse.

As soon as Liz was out of my sight, four guys came from behind me and started pulling me through the back of the house. I had no clue what they were doing, so I started to struggle just enough to get loose without hurting them.

"Come on, man!" One yelled. "Yeah, we've got something to show you!" Another agreed with the first.

My curiosity got the better of me, and I followed them back outside through the kitchen door.


	24. Living Through Me

**Chapter Twenty Four - Living Through Me (Hell's Wrath)**

"Where's my boyfriend?" I asked Ana anxiously, looking through all the faces to find the most important one. I didn't see him anywhere.

"Maybe he went outside..." Ana said nervously. "I'll help you look for him."

She followed me through the thick crowd, both of us waving people off. They could see by the look on my face that I didn't want their dope, their whiskey or their words; I just wanted to find Seth.

I went through the back door, wondering if, maybe in the ten minutes that I'd left him alone, Darrell had gotten ahold of him. Though, in reality, nobody could have forced him somewhere he didn't want to go. He could snap necks with his bare hands - or paws, depending on how you looked at it.

"You think he's down there?" Ana asked skeptically when I started pushing through the thick brush to get to Darrell's building. "Why would he go out there? He doesn't even know about it, or if he does he doesn't know how to find it."

"Seth doesn't, but where the fuck has Darrell been all night? I haven't seen him once, and my guess is..." I stopped talking when I heard the music, totally seperate from the party behind me. It was Pan-fucking-tera, blasting through the otherwise empty woods.

I exchanged a loaded glance with Ana, seeing if she heard it too.

I pushed through some more briars until the building was in sight, and I knew that they'd taken him out here because fucking Stevie and Matt were standing outside of the door. Probably for the sole purpose of keeping me out.

I waltzed up to them, waiting for them to move aside so that the door would be accessible. Matt swallowed hard as I stared him down.

"Sorry, Legs. We're not supposed to let you in."

"Oh, okay. My bad." I turned like I was going to walk away, then spun around quickly, grabbing Stevie's sensitive privates and squeezing just enough for him to get my point.

"Oh, fuck man! She's got me by the balls!" Stevie yowled to Matt, who was about to start laughing until I turned my murderous stare on him.

"What did you do to him?" I spat, gripping Stevie's manhood a little harder.

"We just brought him down here to Darrell, that's all!" Stevie said in a rush.

"Why?"

Stevie looked at Matt, silently asking if he should reveal any more. I pulled him away with my hand, and he followed easily so that his nuts would stay intact. When he was far enough to the side, I kicked the door and marched in, Ana right on my heels.

Seth was sitting in a corner gripping a beer bottle, shaking and sweating with his pupils the size of flying saucers. Darrell was watching him in satisfaction, a smirk on his lips.

"What the hell, Darrell?" I screamed as I ran to Seth. I don't think he knew where he was or who I was at this point. "Did you fucking dose my boyfriend, you sick fuck?"

"Some of my finest L25," he replied as he took a swig from his beer.

I walked over to him and smacked that beer out of his hand, sending it sailing across the room and spattering everything on the way with foam. He never stopped smirking.

"What. The. Fuck. Is wrong with you?" I managed, though my brain was telling me to fucking kill him. Literally. I was seeing red. "Do you have any fucking idea what you've done? He's never done a drug in his life, aside from alcohol! He could lose his mind after this!"

"Oh, go cry to somebody else, babe. You and I both know that once he comes down, he'll be just fine." He casually opened up his mini-fridge and grabbed another beer. "Maybe he'll remember this little experience the next time he thieves somebody's girl out from under them."

"Oh my God, how fucking delusional can one human being be?" I yelled. "Get it through your fucking head! He didn't steal a damn thing from you, I _left _you because you're a dick!"

"I'd watch how much I raised my voice," he replied, pointing at Seth. He was watching us with wide, fearful eyes.

"Ooohh," I whined as I watched his muscles quiver and jerk. Acid was pretty fucking heavy for a first time trip - I knew from experience.

Seth stared at me for a moment and it seemed to calm him down alot. He started smiling and it looked like he was thinking about standing. He decided sitting was best.

"You're an angel, Elizabeth," he said, his voice wrapped in sweetness and love.

I couldn't help but to smile at him in return, but the moment was ruined when Darrell started laughing hysterically.

"Who... does he... think you are?" He asked between guffaws. I rolled my eyes at him. "An angel? Really? A fallen one, maybe."

"Don't you fucking talk about her like that!" Seth yelled before I had the chance to spit out an awesome comeback. I don't think I'd ever heard him say the word fuck before, in any capacity.

"Shhh," I told Seth as he stood up, anger painting his beautiful features. He was tripping so hard and I really felt bad about that fact, but it was hard to not laugh at the whole situation. He was drugged and pissed and he looked like a wild man.

"Calm down, baby," I whispered to him, moving a little closer to him. I was a bit worried that he might burst into fur. "Hey, I'm really sorry about all of this. Do you feel alright?"

"I feel amazing!" He anwered jubilantly, even as his body shook and his teeth chattered. "Everything around me looks so amazing! It's all breathing and swirling - "

"And growing and reforming itself," I finished with a laugh.

"And I just feel so... so... great! Like my mind is open to everything around me, and like the world is so beautiful!"

"Yeah, well that's because some _asshole," _I looked over at Darrell, "Dosed you up on acid. You're not totally freaked out?"

"No! This is just..." He took my hand and held it up close to his face to examine it. "Incredible."

"Do you mind if I go outside for just a minute?" I asked him gently. He had no idea what he was in for if his mood started to shift even the tiniest bit. Bad trips were like the fucking true epitome of fear and discomfort - Ana had caught me once with a sawed-off shotgun to my head because I'd been tripping for a week straight and I was completely convinced that I was in Hell chilling out with the Devil himself. I'd had a great time in the hospital crashing after that shenanigan.

"That's fine..." he said, distracted with a mushroom poster behind him.

I grabbed Darrell by the wrist and towed him outside. Ana followed us, staying silent as she had been this whole time. I wondered where her thoughts were, because when she was quiet she was usually either really pissed off or plotting something crazy. I fucking love that bitch.

"How much did you give him?" I asked, still too mad to look into his proud face.

"Three hits, even," he answered as callous as ever.

"Three?" I repeated in shock. "Of the Garcia shit?"

"Yep." This time I looked at him, and his expression was proud as ever.

"Why?" The question hung in the air, coated with my anger and my sadness. The smirk finally fell from Darrell's lips and he hung his head slightly.

"I just wanted to fuck with him, Liz. I know it was stupid, I just... you know..." he shrugged his shoulders, dropping his facade just a bit more. "You broke my heart. That's never happened to me before."

"D, you know that I care alot about you, okay? You've been my friend for a long time, and you've been a fucking _awesome _friend at that. You've always been there for me when I needed you. Always. But us being boyfriend and girlfriend... It was just a bad idea. We're way too much alike."

"I know, I'm starting to get over it," he smiled. "I think," he said, less certain than before. "Are you still mad at me?"

"You better fucking believe that I am!" I pulled a cigarette from my purse with shaky hands and lit it up. I figure if at any point I ever had, right now I deserved the stress release.

"You gonna get me back?" He asked, his smirk returning. He liked this little game; I didn't.

"Wait and see," I replied as Ana hugged me up from behind. I leaned my head backwards against her face where she was about four inches shorter than me.

"Woo! Hot lesbian action!" Darrell hollered loudly.

I jerked my head up and flipped him off. I hadn't done anything lesbian with Ana - or any other girl - in at least two years. And he knew that.

The door to the building swung open and Seth walked out, watching everything his eyes could possibly take in as he made his way towards us.

"Hey!" He said when he stopped in front of me blocking Darrell out of my sight. He took my arm and pulled me to him as he said, "No lesbian stuff. You're mine now."

I just giggled at him as Ana released me from her arms and I wrapped my own around Seth. He was so big and so _warm _and I felt amazing when I was this close to him. It was alot of emotion to get caught up in. I almost forgot that he was wigging balls.

"Do you want to go back to the party, Seth?" I asked into his chest. He was probably the only one that heard me.

"Mmm," he started to answer, but I could hear the discomfort in his voice.

"Want to go back to my house or Ana's?" I tried again. He still seemed uncomfortable with his options. "How about a long drive?"

His face brightened up substantially. Then it fell. "You're drunk, you can't drive."

Ana tried to stifle a little giggle and failed miserably.

"Seth, it takes a lot more than that to get me to the point of not being able to drive." I intertwined my fingers with his as I started leading him back up the horribly overgrown hill. "In fact, I've driven on what you're on right now, only about ten times more of the shit." I smiled as I thought back to my carload of hippies and horror.

"Whoa," he said slowly, sounding just like an eighties movie stoner. "How'd you do it?"

"Horribly, but without wrecking. People tend to get out of your way when you make it so clear that you're a lunatic on the road," I laughed.

The house was in my view again when Seth stopped and moved himself in front of me, wanting my full attention. "I'm really sorry about this, Liz."

"Why are you sorry?" It's not your fault I brought you to a house full of idiots.

"I was supposed to watch you tonight in case you needed me, and now you have to watch me instead." He stuck his bottom lip out at me, and it was fucking adorable.

"Seth," I giggled. "Don't sweat it, alright? I will watch out for you any time that you need it, absolutely." He stopped pouting and smiled as he leaned down and pecked me on the cheek, wierd since physical contact should be giving him the willies right now. "And don't worry about watching me, that's what all these assholes are here for."

"They're the ones that you should be looking out for," he said softly.

"Only some. I've always got protection when I'm here. Most of these people watched me grow up, they know my Mom and they look at me like their little sister... Well, like a younger, very distant cousin that they love dearly and would never hurt or let anyone else hurt. Don't be fooled just because they're all drunk and fucked up tonight. Believe it or not, most of these crazy motherfuckers actually love me." I felt a strange swell of pride for my friends - my impromptu family. They may all be drunkards or junkies or somehow otherwise snubbed by society, but they'd all helped me grow up, taught me everything I needed to know about the world and even kept me out of alot of trouble along the way.

I guess when it really came down to it, I was fucking wild. My mom saw it from the start, and that's why she didn't even try to stop me from running around and being who I was. Everyone else saw it in me too, that wild ass spirit that would always be my greatest treasure and my biggest downfall at the same time. They'd let me do my thing while still always watching my back for me, and that was the best I could have ever asked for from anyone. I was pretty fucking lucky when it came down to it.

"Elizabeth," Seth whispered right into my ear, scaring the shit out of me. He steadied me with a chuckle when I jumped at his voice. "You are so beautiful. And I love you, and I'll always protect you."

I smiled; really, this guy was way too sweet. He was perfect. "Even when you get drugged without your knowledge?"

"Even then." He pulled away and winked at me.

"I love you too, Seth, and I'll try to protect you as best as I can. I'm really sorry again about tonight."

He waved his hand as he started tugging me farther towards my car.

I hopped in silently, waving to my friends as I pulled away. I was starting to sink into a familiar mood, the one where I had to realize yet again that I wasn't good enough for this, wasn't worth this type of devotion and that I never would be. Because Seth wanted to protect me, and I really wanted to protect him... and the only thing in the whole world that he truly needed protection from was me. I would be the one to break him and bend him, to open him up to an entire world of things that he wasn't ready for and didn't need in his life. I would be the one to ruin everything that he was or could be.

"I love you, Elizabeth. Forever," he whispered as his thumb traced circles on the back of my hand.

"I love you too," I whispered back, silently praying that I didn't have to hurt him.


	25. Warning

**Chapter Twenty Five - Warning**

We were only in Charleston by the time Seth started to peak, so I was fairly sure that his body temperature was burning the LSD out of his system faster than usual. I was glad of that, because he was wracking my nerves a little bit. He'd been in the backseat for about a half an hour, amazed at how he was 'melting into the seats and ceiling'. Now he was back up front, sitting beside of me and watching me intently.

"You're gorgeous," he said for like, the billionth time.

"Maybe Darrell was lying when I called, 'cause you definitely seem like your rolling on your trip."

"He said there was no ecstasy, why would he lie after all this?"

I sighed. "I know, I just don't get it. You should feel... sort of repulsed at the thought, but instead you seem..."

"What?" He urged with a huge smile to match his huge eyes.

"Horny," I laughed. I pulled into a gas station to fill up and get us some snacks and something to drink. The sun would come up in a couple of hours and I wondered where we would be by then.

Seth put his hand over mine as I started to get out of the car.

"What do you want?" he asked. "Let me buy you something."

"Um, that's alright. I'd rather buy you something," I giggled. His face fell.

"You shouldn't have to spend your money on me," he said softly, more to himself than to me.

"Seth, I'm a millionaire, alright? It's really not a big deal for me to go and buy you a bag of chips and a Gatorade."

His eyes snapped back towards me, and he very slowly appraised me piece-by-piece, starting with my toes and stopping at my head and then starting over. I looked down self-consciously, seeing the same black flip-flops, old tattered jeans and vintage Acid Bath t-shirt that I'd been wearing all day.

"You are freaking sexy," he concluded as a sly smile spread across his perfect - and currently crazy looking - face. "Your jeans have holes in them," he noted.

"I've had these for two or three years now." I remembered how the knee got ripped out when I was drunk and fell over against a brick wall. I could even see the big ass scar when I wore these.

"So if you're a millionaire, why don't you dress all high society or something?"

"Do I look like the high society type? I mean, I guess that phrase could be taken in a different way," I giggled. I was usually high. "I'm not a designer type of person."

"Good!" He opened his door and got out of the car, then pulled me out of my side about a second later.

"I'm glad you are the way you are, because you're the coolest person I know!" He wrapped his long arms around me and started spinning with joy. "And I'm glad you're not all snooty like some rich people."

"Me too," I laughed.

"And those old jeans make your ass look amazing!"

I started laughing so hard that he had to stop spinning and keep me standing. He cut my laughter off with his own mouth, kissing me with a fierce passion that had me digging my fingers into the soft skin of his neck. He stopped when I started gasping for breath.

I had to lean over for a second, because I actually felt woozy, like I might pass out or something. I broke out in a sweat and my hands started shaking.

As soon as it had hit me, it went away. I was left with an almost disorienting after-effect that wasn't at all unpleasant.

"What's wrong?" He asked, sounding a little frantic.

"It's fine now," I said as the last of the wierdness flowed out of me.

"What was that?" He still sounded worried even though I was straightening up and was obviously alright.

"I don't know... I felt like I was dope sick for a second. I don't know why."

"Dope sick?"

"You know, like when you come off of drugs that you've been on for awhile," I explained easily. He still looked utterly confused.

"Sorry, I forgot that you weren't...uh... accustomed to stuff like that," I told him, looking into his wild eyes.

"Why are you?" He muttered, shaking his head a little. It reminded me of - well, of me.

I started laughing again, and his hands fluttered over my back trying to figure out what the fuck I could be laughing at.

"Seth, look at where the fuck I grew up!" I roared, smacking my knee. "This is West-By-God-Virginia! There's a fucking church and a street pharmacist on every block!" I took a few deep breaths to calm myself.

"And the only rehab programs are fucking drug replacement therapy _bullshit_!" I was starting to get angry. Every bit of hatred for my own home was starting to come back to me full force.

"I don't really know what that means..." Seth said softly. Carefully. I forgot how sensitive he already was to my moods.

I tried to think of an easy way to not over explain, planning my words out more than I was used to.

"Ninety precent of the people I've been around in the past six years of my life have been hooked on opiates at some point or another. They're calling it the biggest drup epidemic of this century, and there's a heavy concentration of it around here."

"Sorry, but... opiates?"

I smiled at him, at the innocence he didn't even realize he carried around. Then I frowned because I was going to be the asshole to squash it out of him.

"Heroin and opium are the old school." He nodded in understanding and waited for me to go on.

"Pain pills are where it's at now. I'm not going to run through the options... But the shit is addictive. Mentally _and _physically, more than any other type of drug on the physical aspect. If I did a pill or two for say... three days in a row and then ran out by the fourth, that day would be like a battle with my own body and mind. I would be sick to my stomach, my body would ache, I would sweat - kind of like a really bad case of the flu. And in my head, all I would be thinking was that if I could get another pill, I would feel a billion times better."

"So then on the fifth day?" He seemed completely entrenched by my horror story.

"Worse than the fourth, if I didn't give in and do more pills. It lasts for a week or two. Most people can't get through the detox. Sometimes it can even kill you."

He ran both hands over his face a couple of times, stretching his skin and making some kind of unhappy noises. "And the drug replacement therapy bullshit?"

"They take you off of the opiates you do on your own and give you a controlled dosage of synthetic opiates that act on the same receptors of your brains so you don't feel withdrawals. Most of them make it to where if you do more dope on top of them, you can't feel them or they make you sick. It's like the government's way of saying 'Don't go buy your dope on the street, just come here and give us the money instead and we'll hook you up!' It drives me insane, because all these fucking synthetic opiates take _months _to detox from."

Seth sat down on the pavement then tugged at my jeans until I sat down too. He looked as upset as I was.

"How have I lived this long not knowing all of this stuff?" He asked his hands before he looked up at me. "Were you ever on them?"

"I've done them plenty, I've just managed to avoid the addiction part. That's why I don't do them now, though; it's like playing with fire and no buzz is worth that shit to me."

"What about Ana?"

"She hates them."

"What about your mom?" he whispered, cracking me on my sorest spot. Instead of busting on him or laughing it off, the words just started coming out of my mouth.

"My mom was such a fucking _idiot. _She was so oblivious to what was going on around her, and when she got a script after an accident she just started eating the fucking things. I spent three years trying to push her into a facility, trying to ween her off, trying to just get her to fucking _stop..._ She knew she was totally ruining her life and had the audacity to pretend like she never once saw it coming. She still acts like she doesn't know how lucky she is to be out of that world now."

"How'd you get her to stop?"

"I didn't get her to stop, she had to do that one for herself. I mostly just made sure that she stayed clean by getting every doctor and dealer around to ignore her."

"How?"

He was good with the questions. "I paid them off." I took a smoke out of my purse and lit it up, cursing my own addiction to the evil nicotine machine. "I got ahold of an awesome connect that knew I could sling with the best of 'em, and they set me on enough shit to persuade everyone that my mom's money was nothing compared to my own. So I won. Or Mom won, really," I concluded.

I felt refreshed in a way, getting all that negativity off my chest. The only person that had bore witness to the whole situation had been Ana, and I'd never wanted to share it with anyone else.

"Your life is just... crazy, baby." Seth let out a long sigh, rubbing his face again. "I'm trying to understand."

I took one of his hands in mine and kissed him on the cheek.

"I know you are. One of the many reasons why I love you."

He smiled brightly then, all but forgetting his previous discomfort. We stood up together and started walking towards the door of the gas station again.

"I really worry about you sometimes, Liz."

"I'm smart. I know how to take care of myself."

"I know you do, you've just been through alot of stuff."

We walked inside and the cashier looked at us wide-eyed. She was old and drawn and tired-looking, probablly because it was about three in the morning. She caught my eyes with hr own and tried to smile but it seemed more like a grimace.

"Oh, you have no idea sweetheart. That's just the tip of the fucking iceberg."

I bought us some munchies and then took Seth's free hand to go back to the car. His palm was clammy from sweating.

My phone started ringing and I had to dig it out of my deep purse. Ana's name flashed on the screen.

"Hey," I said to her as Seth nudged my side.

"We can go back now," he mouthed sheepishly as Ana was asking me, "Where are you guys at?"

"We'll be back in a couple of hours," I answered her.

"Is he alright?" she asked sympathetically.

"Yeah, everything's cool." Seth and I got back into the car, ripping into bags of chip and bottles of sugary goodness. "We'll be back soon. Tell Darrell I want some of that acid."

She laughed heartily, and I could picture her doubled over. "Aright, I will. Later."


	26. Hybrid Moments

**Chapter Twenty Six - Hybrid Moments **

"It was awesome," Seth said as I sub-consciously scooted just a bit closer to his side. "Hey, that one looks like a wolf!"

I shielded my eyes as I gazed at the clouds drifting by overhead. "Looks more like a sickly bulldog to me," I teased.

"Close enough," he shrugged before leaning down on his elbow to peck me on the cheek.

I smiled at how subtle he could be - it had a strangely powerful effect on me. Most guys were more into showing me off.

I kind of liked getting to show Seth off; the fact of his beauty was unavoidable.

Darrell strolled over to us, propping his fishing pole against a tree on the way. "Can I have a beer, Legs?"

"Yeah, of course," I murmured, barely paying attention. My mind was busy, daydreaming about Seth. Though, today was going so well that I didn't need to dream about much.

Darrell took my nonchalance as a cue to start apologizing to Seth again for last night. We'd both forgiven him already, but when he realized that he actually _liked _Seth, he started to feel really shitty about what he'd done.

"D," I said quickly, drawing him away from his words. "He's not mad at you, just fucking let it go," I snapped. "No harm no foul."

"I just wish you would let me make it up to you somehow," he mumbled as his eyes darted down nervously.

"You gave me some L, you brought us out here to relax all day, you promised me another party tonight..." I ticked on my fingers. "What else could you do?"

"I could get rid of everything for you, probably all tonight."

His offer piqued my interest, but then I remembered my whole deal with Ana.

"She's got it, she's getting all the money." I shielded my eyes again and looked back towards his face. He was smiling brightly.

"I'd do it for free, and you could still give all the flow to her."

I looked over at Ana, wrapped up in Vince's arms a few dozen feet away from me. She had on her favorite deep purple bikini and her hair was in dark, dripping waves, cascading down her back as she stood in the shallow water. She looked strikingly beautiful, even more so now that she seemed to be the happiest in her life.

Who would have thought we could both ever get here at all, especially at the same time? Happiness had evaded the both of us for the entire duration of our existences.

"We'll see," I mumbled, my thoughts again straying to the wonderfully warm and gorgeous man beside of me.

"We should probably go now..." Darrell said quietly, distracted by something I didn't care enough to ask about.

Seth got to his feet swiftly, then leaned forward over me to help me off the ground as well. He started packing up our cooler and grabbing our wet towels as I brushed some sand and dirt from my skin. I caught Darrell watching me intently as I swiped at my bottom, and I glared because I could see where his mind was going. He swallowed loudly and turned away.

"Ana Banana!" I yelled, catching both her and Vince off guard. "We have to go!"

She pouted for a second before jogging towards us, Vince being pulled behind.

"Time to go to Eric's already?" she asked, sounding annoyed while the smile on her face said otherwise.

"Don't get too upset." I rolled my eyes.

An hour later, I sat in Eric's driveway with Seth, combing through my now dry - and perfectly straight - hair. It was always a bitch getting all the river brine out of it and off of my skin.

"If you come in, don't act all nice to them or anything. Try to stay quiet - look like you're only there to protect me, since that's what you're doing anyways."

"So... look like a body guard, then?" He visibly rearranged his face to look harder.

"These people aren't my friends, okay? They're dangerous, just like any other ciminal. If you look soft or like you don't belong around this kind of stuff, that's how they're going to treat you. Just be cautious."

I stepped out of the car with Seth in tow and took the five steps necessary before knocking on the door.

"Come in!" Someone inside responded.

I pushed the door open and followed the voices until I reached the kitchen.

"Legs!" Eric greeted me joyfully. He noticed Seth out of the corner of his eye and apparaised him slowly, his expression shifting from joy to surprise to apprehension. "You brought protection?" He asked me, his eyebrow raised though his gaze never left Seth.

"Don't worry about him," I covered quickly. "He's with me."

His eyes snapped back to me as a slow smile spread across his features. "_With_ you, with you?"

"Yeah."

"Good luck, buddy."

I sighed, exasperated. Why did everyone and their fucking cousin have to make comments like that all the time?

"I guess you really do have a thing for big dudes," Eric joked further, elbowing me in the arm. "I thought everyone was just joking, but this guy..." He held a hand towards Seth, shaking his head as he took in his form again.

"Can we bypass the making fun of me part? Please?"

"Sure," he grinned. "Wouldn't want to piss off Squanto over here." He snorted at his own dumb joke.

My eyes noticed a glint of metal sticking out of the top of his jeans. I scanned it quickly, not wanting him to see that I noticed.

Ruger, nine millimeter. I'd love to take that motherfucker out to the range. But I'd hate to catch one from it, especially now that everything was going alright for me. It would be fitting, I suppose.

"So, I'm guessing you'd like to get your shit so that you can head out of here," Eric said sharply, looking down at a bag near his feet.

"Sounds good to me," I replied, just as cuttingly. He liked to play games, and I wasn't into it. Never had been.

He snatched the bag up and tossed it to me. I unzipped it and examined the contents as he left the room. Seth moved closer to me, and I whispered without looking his way.

"Watch him, he's got a pistol."

Seth stopped mid-step and spun on his heel, waiting for Eric to come back to the kitchen. I could hear footsteps approaching, but they sounded too soft, too light to be Eric's military issued boots.

"Legs!" A high pitched squeal had me wheeling around.

"Cruz!" I squealed back in delight. He gave me a hug and kissed me on the cheek.

"Cruz, this is Seth," I told him excitedly. His face went into shock mode when he took in the man that was currently mine.

"Oh, my," he said, fanning himself with his hand. "Why are all the good looking ones straighter than arrows?"

"That's not true, you're good looking and you're gayer than a two dollar bill," I told him with an eye roll.

"Yeah, I'm good looking to twelve year olds, maybe," he pouted. He _was _really small, only my height and maybe twenty pounds more than me.

"They know you're not that young," I made an attempt at comforting him. "You've got tattoos."

"I shouldn't complain so much," he said with a smile and a flip of his hand. "I've got my own new toy to play with."

I was laughing when Eric came back into the room, his arms full of random, shabby-looking luggage. I'd taught him well.

He started loading Seth down like a pack mule, even strapping a backpack around his shoulders for him. I wondered briefly if Eric was Cruz's new toy.

"We're going," I said as soon as he was finished. I wanted the fuck out of here.

"Good day," Eric said snidely as he handed me an envelope, which I stashed in my purse.

"Later sweetheart," Cruz whispered as he handed me the first bag I'd left lying on the kitchen table. I hugged him before making my escape.

When we were back in the car, I hadn't even had the chance to stick my key into the ignition when Seth gripped the sides of my face with his hands, his eyes burning intensely into my own.

"I love you," he said, his words more sure and definite than I would have expected.

"I love you," I whispered as his hands scorched into my skin. He loosened his grip enough so that I could easily move my face, but something in his eyes kept me from looking away.

His expression softened and his thumb began to stroke my cheek. Adoration was seeping out of him, and I was in awe yet again at the fact that this lovely being wanted me.

He came closer, slowly, gauging my reaction until our lips were pressed against eachother's. Then he was pulling tighter, and I was dragging myself across the seat to get closer to him. I needed more...

"Let's go," he murmured against my mouth.

Twenty minutes after that, I was pulling him through the door of my old bedroom, silently thanking my luck that my mother wasn't home. Seth stopped me before I could reach the bed, pulling me backwards and into his warm embrace.

"You're sure about this, baby?" His lips ran up and down my neck, leaving the hairs on end.

I felt... scared? Vulnerable. Things I'd mostly killed out of myself before I was even a teenager. But the negativity was overshadowed by a want, a need, a lustful hunger that had been building up inside of me for awhile now. There was no stopping this.

"I'm sure. I love you," I told him strongly.

He pulled me down to the bed gently, throwing caution to the wind so that we could finally share the desire we had for one another.


	27. Heart Shaped Glasses

_"She'll never cover up what we did with her dress... no  
She said, kiss me it will heal, but it won't forget.  
Kiss me it will heal, but it won't forget.  
I don't mind you keeping me on pins and needles.  
If I could stick to you, then you could stick me to._

_Just don't break, don't break my heart  
And I won't break your heart-shaped glasses  
Little girl, little girl you should close your eyes,  
That blue is getting me high..."  
__- _Manson

**Chapter Twenty Seven - Heart Shaped Glasses (Seth's PoV)**

I couldn't believe that I had made it here, right where I knew I was supposed to be. The shock of it probably wouldn't wear off for awhile because I was too excited, too absorbed by Liz to be shocked by her today.

I peeled away her thin blue tank top as she yanked her shorts from her legs, revealing the hot pink bra and thong that she had on underneath.

I started _drooling. _Literally. I couldn't move my eyes away from her, so I blindly reached backwards and then sat down on the edge of her bed.

She reached behind her and unsnapped the bra, then shimmied out of the constricting underwear. Now she was completely bare, a tall expanse of the most glorious creamy white skin, patched with pictures here and there, and she was brushing her golden hair from her face.

My eyes had never witnessed anything as... significant as seeing this woman naked in front of me. Every curve of her body was dangerous, every mark and feature flawless.

She was perfect. An angel, a goddess...

"Quit staring," she said, giggling shyly. Her arms moved to cover her chest up, and I stopped her abruptly.

"You're perfect," I heard myself whisper as my hands dared to explore her body more than they'd been allowed before.

Her eyes fluttered closed and she exhaled in the softest, sexiest moan I'd ever heard. She leaned her weight into me, so I picked her up off her feet and laid her down gently on the bed.

She pulled me down beside of her by the collar of my shirt, then she pulled the shirt over my head and cast it aside. She used the tips of her fingernails to run lightly over my chest and back, and her mouth to pepper my throat with kisses while I rubbed her skin and palmed her breasts.

I could smell something new on her now, not different... but like her usual cherry pie scent had gotten all heated up. I instinctively shifted downwards, putting my face even with the most sacred piece of her.

I knew what the smell was, and it was intoxicating and exciting me so much that I actually felt like the animal that I sometimes was. She was getting wet.

I couldn't stop myself from gripping her to my face, sniffing and licking her as I ground my teeth together. I was having a sensory overload, much more potent than anything I'd known before.

She moaned and yanked at my short hair, her body bucking above my head. It drove me further, and when she tried to wrap her long legs around my neck I growled and pushed them aside.

I had to have this, had to feel what it was like to be inside of her.

I positioned myself over her small frame, but she pushed me to my side. I had to mentally battle with myself to move off of her... my instincts were telling me that if I didn't plunge right in, then I would never get to feel this. But that was wrong, so I rolled to the side.

I didn't have time to feel disappointed.

She crawled on top of me, straddling me. The light was behind her head, lighting her beautiful features up before she leaned forward and kissed me desperately.

I was distracted by her mouth and didn't have time to prepare myself before she started to slide down on me. It took the breath from both of us, the sensation of her and I being joined as one.

It was fucking incredible, the best thing I would ever know no matter how long I lived. Nothing could top this.

She waited only a second or two before she transformed into something even more.

I'd only known what it was like to be intimate with two other girls before I met Liz - they had both been shy, timid, unsure of what to do while making love. I'd only assumed that this shy nervousness was expected and normal. I mean, everybody got a little more insecure when their clothes were off.

Not my girl.

She needed no guidance from me. Every movement of her body was specifically designed for our combined pleasure, and like a trained dancer she knew each move to make. She was confident and sure of herself and absolutely _glorious _as she rode up and down on me.

I started meeting every thrust with one of my own, still exploring her soft skin with my hands. I wasn't going to be able to do this for long at all, so I had to get as much as possible from this situation - and hopefully it wouldn't be too long until I got to have this with her again.

I found myself trying to concentrate on anything I could think of instead of watching her, because when my eyes betrayed me or when I realized the gravity of what we were doing, I was going to bring on the end too early.

I couldn't ignore the tightness of her, the warmth or the perfection, so everything came to a crashing close when I busted my load into her.

She collapsed on top of me, a heap of hair and sweat and gasping breaths and everything in the world that was anything at all.

I gave us both a moment to wind down, then I began brushing the hair away from her face.

"Whoa," she said breathlessly, a smile spreading slowly across her face.

I smiled in return, but was too awed to speak yet. I kissed her lips, trying to convey my thanks and my utter astonishment. She'd been better than I _ever _could have dreamed... like what I would have asked for if I knew what it was that I really needed.

She rolled beside of me and moved to get up, but my arm snagged her and pulled her back into my side where I could bury my face in her hair.

She sighed in contentment as she nestled closer to me.

* * *

**(Liz's PoV)**

"That one is a snake bite," I told him proudly.

"You've been bit by a snake?" he asked incredulously, the smile I loved stil tugging his mouth upwards.

That smile had stuck pretty much all day.

"It was just a garden snake, ironically. Of all the dangerous ones I've messed with, a harmless one got me," I sniffed.

We'd been lying here for the past two hours: the first hour we spent fucking eachothers brains out, and the second had been devoted to body examination.

Seth wanted to know about all of my tattoos, then all of my scars and how I'd gotten them. Made me glad that all the ones on my face and arms were no longer visible.

"What about this one?" he asked as his finger copied the line along my wrist. That was enough for me, I'd already felt unguarded enough for one never-ending day.

"We should probably start getting ready." I switched subjects, trying not to make it too obvious. Besides, it really was getting pretty late, my mom would be back from where ever soon and we were supposed to party at the top of the hill tonight.

I shifted and Seth held me down with one arm, kissing me before I crawled out of the bed.

"There are a few downsides to going over there right now," Seth mubled from his spot on the bed while I dug through some clothes, trying to find something nice to wear tonight.

"What's that?"

He was at my side in an instant, making me drop the shirts I had in my hand. My heart stuttered, stopped, then sped up as he handed them all back to me.

"Well, we definitely can't do what _I _want with all those people around..." His fingers played up and down my spine, sending shivers throughout my body.

"Yeah, but - "

"Lizzy!" Ana yelled from my front porch, just before she popped the front door open and walked on in.

"Give me a minute!" I yelled back to her, throwing on the closest shirt and pair of shorts that I could find. She came into my room, despite my warning, and I stopped myself from throwing something at her. I glanced at Seth for just a second, relieved that he was already dressed from the waist down.

"Bitch," I said to her through my teeth as she happily analyzed the scene before her.

"Were you guys just in here doing it?" Her smile got huge and her eyebrows scrunched up like she just couldn't fathom such a thing.

"Way to ruin the moment, Ana."

"You act like it was super important, I'm sure it's not the first time..." she sputtered out as she took in the expression I was wearing. "Holy shit! Today was the first time you guys...diddled eachother?"

I rolled my eyes and pushed past her to get to the dining room.

"Good job, you guys!" She was saying as I unsuccessfully attempted to drown her out. "Seriously, I heard you two from down the street, it sounded pretty fuckin' - "

"Shut the hell up!" I yelled, waving my arms frantically. "We were both there, we certainly don't need a play-by-play from you."

"Sorry," she said, her face still unapologetic. She walked further into my room, then started pilfering through the clothes I'd just been searching. She tossed a pair of jeans and a top at me, then a fresh pair of panties.

"Get ready, bitch. We're doing it right this time."


	28. Vermillion

**Chapter Twenty Eight - Vermillion **

"How... long ago?" I asked, my voice nothing more than a breath of air to my own ears.

"About nine years now," Seth whispered back, rolling onto his back so that we were both no longer looking at the other. "It was a heart attack."

"I'm sorry," I muttered. "I've seen alot of people go over the years... Everybody lied about the time healing it thing. And those were mostly just friends, I can't imagine..."

"What about your dad?" he asked suddenly, his eyes flying back to me.

"He left when I was little."

"He just... left? Where did he go?" Seth asked, surprised.

"I don't know, he's around somewhere. I hadn't heard from him since I was five, and then he popped up - on the fucking _internet! - _after my eighteenth birthday. So, he's in West Virginia now..." I trailed off, anger flaring up inside of me. Anger at my father for leaving me, and at Seth's father for accidentally leaving him.

Anger at the cycle of life and death, anger that it wasn't possible to control.

"I miss him, every day." Seth relaxed again, looking over towards the window. I put my fingertips to his face, stroking his warm skin gently. He pulled my hand towards his mouth to lay a kiss on it before holding it to his cheek.

"You make me not think about it much," he said very slowly. His eyes moved again to examine my face.

"You make me not think about alot of things much," I allowed. It was so true, and yet I hadn't realized it until the words were out, hanging in the open air.

How had I missed how different I had become?

"Did you have fun earlier?" Seth asked suddenly, rolling back towards me. I greedily soaked in his heat.

"Yeah." I smiled hugely at him. "Did you?"

"They were amazing," he replied, awed at my band of friends. BlackDamp had pretty much played an entire concert outside, just for me. All their friends were there, partying and living it up, but they'd all told me personally that they were only doing this because I was in town for a few days.

"I had a great time, actually. Thank you for bringing me."

"I wouldn't want to go without you." Again, it was true, and again it struck me in it's honesty.

Seth smiled, like the sun breaking free from the clouds. He leaned his head up onto his elbow, then leaned down and kissed me. It still took every bit of my breath away.

"That scares you, doesn't it?"

I stared at him for a few endless minutes, dumbfounded.

"Yes." I finally found my voice.

"You're like a mystery novel, Liz. I just keep unraveling and unraveling... and I've still barely gotten anywhere."

"What do you mean?" I asked, my curiosity piqued.

"You are my imprint," he whispered softly. I rolled my eyes, and he chuckled, then pulled my face back up to be level with his.

"You are my soul mate," he began again. "And I am supposed to be suited specifically to you, in every way. A perfect match... But if I never figure out what it is that you need from me, never understand how to make and keep you happy..."

"You do make me happy. Besides, it's not all supposed to be up to you, right? _We _are supposed to be those things for _eachother._"

Seth pulled the sheet covering my body away from me in one swift movement. He scooted over until his skin was meeting mine, warming me. His hand started running slowly up and down my side, from my shoulder to my thigh.

"You're already suited to me," he murmured, pressing his face into my hair. "Did you have fun... after we got back?" He chuckled quietly into the top of my head.

"Oh, definitely," I giggled.

We were certainly a perfect match physically, because I never had any idea that it could be so incredible, so mind-blowingly amazing...

"Can I ask you about something from earlier?" He asked, his voice just the tiniest bit tense.

I nodded my head against his neck.

"Who is Jess?"

I grimaced against his skin, where he couldn't see me. He leaned back, just far enough to reach my chin and pull my face up so he could see me clearly.

"My question bothers you," he stated as a fact.

I felt my face scrunch up in disgust. "He's my ex-boyfriend. He was trying to be nice earlier, I guess, it's just... We left eachother a mess. I don't like him anymore."

I looked up and studied his features in the faint glow coming from my lap top screen. "I'm sorry, if that makes you mad. Sometimes it's hard to just ignore someone."

His eyes opened wide in surprise. "I'm not mad. At _you._" He stroked my cheek comfortingly. "It's _him _that I wasn't fond of."

"Why?"

"I heard him talking about you." Seth sighed, a quick, unhappy sound. "Twice."

"Oh." I rolled my eyes. "Everybody talks shit around here, I'm used to it. It's just lack of life quality."

"Lack of life quality?" Seth's brow arched.

"Yeah, there's nothing to do around here. Unless you like to gamble... or go to some horrible club. When people actually have their own stuff going on, they stop paying so much attention to what everybody else is doing. They've got enough business to only mind their own."

Seth smiled and nodded his head once. "You're distracting me," he accused.

"Accident."

"He still likes you, you know," Seth said in a sure voice.

"He likes what he sees maybe, but he really hates me. We were about to the point of killing eachother when we broke up."

Seth stared at me incredulously, willing me to let him know something more.

"No," I told him flatly. I didn't like having conversations that I knew were trouble before they even started.

"What?" His eyes widened a bit, giving him a puppy dog effect.

"No!" I said more loudly, throwing up my hands in defense.

"Just tell me a little," he urged.

"Seth..." I whined, covering up my eyes as my lip jutted out childishly.

The next thing that I felt was Seth's warm breath tickling my jaw line. "Please?" he breathed.

I whimpered, trying to resist the sultry depth of his voice.

"Please, baby doll?"

"What do you want to know?" I gave in, biting the words out. I really, _really _didn't want to have this conversation.

"Just the basics," he said as he fought a triumphant smile.

I sighed. "We dated for about a year," I started in a subdued tone. "I was sixteen and seventeen, he was like... twenty four, I think. I lived with him for a little while there at the end. We fought all the time, like these crazy ass knock down drag outs, we got into trouble all the time with the police and everyone else, he used to steal from his friends... Basically, we had a terrible relationship."

I laughed once with no humor, digging up one memory after another of the time I'd spent with him. More than anything else, I remembered the constant feelings of worthlessness, hurt, and anger at the situation I'd placed myself into.

"So we broke up, and then we started a war with eachother that ran between all of our mutual friends. There were some on his side, some on mine, and most were playing both. It started to die down... then this guy I know, Brian, ends up overdosed on some shit that he supposedly got off of Jess. The cops start looking into it for a few months while nobody realizes that we're all being watched... and bam, five of us get popped all in one fail swoop."

"What happened?"

"I didn't get caught with much. I went to county for a couple of months and got out, no big deal. Jess just got out, he was in for two years. Katie will be out next summer, and John and Brent will be out the next year, if all goes well while they're in."

He sighed and raised his arms above his head. "You're lucky. To think that I could have not gotten to meet you for the next _two years..._" He trailed off.

And then his hands were in my hair, his lips soft and yielding on mine. I pulled myself tighter against him, locking my arms around his neck. I needed the way that he made me feel...

"The sun is rising," he whispered against my mouth.

He smiled at the window. "Time goes by too quickly. I don't get enough of it with you."

"The feeling is mutual." I yawned and stretched, easing my body into a more comfortable position. "Wake me up in the morning..." I mumbled incoherently as I drifted away into a restless and dream filled sleep.

I forgot most of them as soon as they'd moved through my head, but the one dream that I did remember was of myself, laying in a room in the dark. It was both strange... and horrifying. Strange, because good music was playing in my black prison - that's pretty damn strange, since there was no music playing when I fell asleep - and horrifying because the whole time I laid in the dream, I felt as if I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move; there was an invisible weight on my chest.

It felt so real that I shot straight up in bed when I finally woke, clutching at my chest to remove the heavy obstruction that wasn't really there. Seth was snoring quietly beside of me, beyond beautiful in the bright sun that was high outside of the house.

The clock read ten thirty AM, and I groaned. None of my friends would be awake yet, and there was no way I could go back to sleep.

* * *

"Take another shot."

"You're getting me drunk," Seth accused. I smiled at him as he downed his tiny glass.

"Now you."

I downed my glass, chasing the whiskey burn away with some beer.

I was on a hell path tonight, for what reason I wasn't sure. My mood had shifted into feeling cocky, angry, arrogant and careless. Not the best of combinations, but I was putting it to use.

There must have been something in the air tonight: Ana was shit-faced too.

"Lizzy!" she squealed as she ran up and squeezed me. I thought for a second how wierd it was that she only came up to my neck. "I'm so glad you came home for a few days," she gushed, and I instinctively squeezed her a little tighter.

"Me too," I said into the top of her head. "I miss ya like crazy."

"I miss you too," she pouted, on the edge of tears.

"But wait until you come and visit me!" I said brightly. "We'll have a fucking blast! Although, all I do there is hang out with Seth..."

"Yeah, I can see that." She laughed and punched Seth's arm playfully. "You better take good care of my girl," she warned him. "If not, you got hell to face."

"I think I've got it covered," Seth said as he snaked his arm around my waist, pulling me farther from Ana and closer to him.

"Hey!" she joked, tugging at me. Seth joked back and moved her hands away, but stopped abruptly when Ana stared, shocked at his hands.

"Are you sick or something?" she asked, reaching out and touching her hand to his forehead. "You're a million degrees!" she yelled, stunned.

I'd never thought it was so noticible, not when it mattered anyways.

Ana scrutinized Seth for a very long, awkward moment. She seemed to be fighting the haze of alcohol to deduce something, and I couldn't tell if it was working or not.

"Maybe we should go home, since you have a fever."

"Okay," Seth shrugged. He took my hand and started towards the door as I waved goodbye to Ana and everyone else. Well, that was easy.

"Observant," he claimed in a whoosh of breath when we were feet away from the door.

"She won't even remember it tomorrow. She's having a good night," I laughed.

"Sorry we had to leave early. It's our last night..." Seth looked upwards, taking in the bright stars twinkling in the black night.

"I didn't want to stay. I just wanted this." I pulled the bottle of Jim Beam out of my purse. "I bought it," I shrugged, defending myself.

Seth started laughing as he reached into the big pockets of his baggy jeans. He pulled out two beers in each hand.

"Hell yeah."

"Back to Mom's?" Seth asked, slowing down to keep pace with me. My legs were long, but my goodness.

"No, I don't drink inside if she's there at all." I took the left fork in the road, turning away from my mother's home. "It's my rule, I break it sometimes," I admitted. "But I avoid for the most part."

"Where are we going, then?"

"The graveyard down here."

Seth smiled down at me darkly. It made me stop in my tracks as shivers rolled up and down my spine; the expression wasn't Seth-like. It was more like something you would see twisting _my _face, showing the monster within.

"You're not scared?" He asked. I picked my feet back up and started again.

"No," I replied.

"Do you believe in ghosts?"

I stared at him, wide-eyed. "Don't say _anything _about them," I whispered through my teeth, freaking out. "If you talk about them, you're opening their window."

My eyes darted side to side in paranoia. I had done way too much acid these past few years.

"I was actually kidding," Seth said, trying to figure out if I was being serious.

"Good. Maybe none will show you tonight," I whispered before I climbed the tall fence, hopped over and climbed down the opposite side.

Seth suddenly appeared below me and helped me when I'd gotten halfway down.

"Thanks." I half smiled at him. "Follow me..." I rubbed my hands together and smiled maniacally, then started leading him deep into the darkest part of the graveyard. There were no lights here, though Seth would still be able to see perfectly.

I only made it about three feet when Seth was suddenly a streak of color, flying to the front of me. He stopped moving when he was just a little ways ahead, but his body was shaking and _blurring_ and he was growling.

"Seth...?" Panick constricted my throat, cleared my head and had me on the balls of my feet, prepared to flee.

Seth started dragging in breaths through his mouth until the shaking slowed to a tremble. "Do I need to kill you?" He spat into the darkness that was looming ahead of us.

A high-pitched, babyish voice chuckled in the black, tinkling like silver bells. "You could try," it said.

Fucking. Trippy.

Seth was a flash again as he changed shape and rocketed forward, too far for my weak eyes to see at all. I took two running steps forward and stopped, wondering if going towards the danger was what I should really be doing.

I heard a really strange sound in the distance, something like metal being ripped clean in half while screeching in protest.

_Oh, fuck it! _My better side exulted as I took off yet again. I couldn't really run without tripping over grave markers, so I tried hopping my way through.

I heard another screech and went in the direction that it had come from. I could hear growls and snarls, teeth snapping and stones being disturbed when I fell down, cracking my head against the hard granite of someone's burial sight.

I tried to stand up, but I was bleeding and dizzy. I rolled to my side in the cold grass. There was another, stronger ripping sound as I grasped at consciousness, accompanied by another loud growl and then followed with some more ripping noises.

I laid there for another minute before Seth found me.

"Oh no, baby..." He picked me up gently, taking my purse in his other hand. He balanced it on the edge of his arm and reached inside, taking out my lighter as he walked.

He stopped and set me down, then went to a pile of something that made my stomach twist and turn violently.

"Don't look." He bent down and flicked the lighter, immediately engulfing the body in flame.

I didn't listen. I kept my eyes on the inferno, watched the putrid thick smoke curl up into the air. I even convinced myself that I could hear the little baby-like voice screaming.

It wasn't real of course.

I watched until the fire started to become a blur, a spot in my mind that I could no longer really see. Something hot was keeping my back from touching the ground and my head ached, but I didn't much notice either.

I let go of the hold I was keeping on reality and let the stress of the day pull me under.


	29. Ruin

**Chapter Twenty Nine - Ruin**

I gasped a ton of air into my lungs, trying to figure out... anything. My mind was blank and I felt confused and disoriented. I blinked a few times and realized that my nails were digging into the soft flesh of Seth's shoulder while his own hands gripped mine.

I looked around and realized I was outside - in a graveyard. How had I fallen asleep right here?

"She's awake," Seth said, and I noticed he was holding a phone. My phone.

I suddenly remembered why I was here and what had happened. The throb in my head was a great reminder. I put my fingers to the wound and felt the blood, still wet on my skin. I must have only passed out for a few seconds.

Seth was still on the phone, watching me with wide, wary eyes. I got to my feet unsteadily and he bolted up to help me. I picked my things up off the ground and started walking back towards the fence that seperated the street from this quietly haunted place.

"Okay, thank you Carlisle," Seth said into the phone before he flipped it shut and eased it into my purse. "You alright, Liz?"

"I'm fine," I answered instantly.

He stepped in front of me, blocking my path. "Are you hurt? Scared? Mad?"

I shook my head, irritated that I couldn't get past him.

"I'm sorry you had to see that."

"I've seen worse," I said dully, unable to stop the mental pictures that accompanied the thought.

Seth looked at me questioningly, but let it slide for now. "You're not mad at me?"

I stared at him stupidly. "Why would I be mad?" I shook my head at him. "Never mind, don't answer that. No, I'm not mad at you. Or scared of you. I'm just... you know..." How did I explain my strange mood?

"I just hate waking up confused," I told him with a laugh. "I'm kind of drunk"

He chuckled, then his face turned serious. "You have to try and stay awake for awhile, and then when you sleep I have to wake you up every two hours. I think you have a concussion."

I groaned. "Let's just go home. Now," I muttered.

"To your mom's house, you mean."

"No. Home, like real home."

"Why don't you want to wait until morning?" Seth asked, stunned at my suggestion. "You won't get to tell everyone goodbye."

"Yeah, I don't think seeing anybody around here right now is the best idea." I pointed at the gash on my head, still dripping blood off the tip of my nose. "It wouldn't be such a big deal if they knew you or if I were clumsy or something, but their first assumption is going to be that you did something wrong to me."

"Why would they think that?"

"Small town bullshit," I shrugged. "And that's the only reason I've ever looked like this before."

Seth sighed and stared at the ground, kicking his foot against a slab of marble. "So we just leave tonight..." He sighed again and upped the tempo.

"It's not a big deal. If I can get cleaned up enough, I'll stop and say bye to Ana and Darrell, at least. They'll just have to see me in the dark."

"I don't like this," he breathed into the skin of my neck. My irritation vanished with his simple gesture and was replaced with gratitude.

"Thank you so much, for saving my life. I should have thanked you already."

"I'll always be the one to protect you." He smiled beautifully as we started towards the fence again.

"Can you imagine if you hadn't been here tonight?" I wondered fearfully. "Especially if I was in my old life... I wouldn't have even known what it _was_!" I shuddered, and Seth wrapped his arm across my shoulders.

"I would have died and no one would have any idea what happened to me." But they'd probably have plenty of guesses, none as cool as being slaughtered by a vampire. They'd probably think I got kidnapped, or ran away, or passed out drunk somewhere and someone murdered me the next morning.

Seth didn't say anything, he just tightened his hold on me. We walked in silence until we reached the fork in the road. That's when Ritchie, Vince and Ana decided to roll up in Ritchie's Blazer.

"The hell happened to you?" Ritch yelled in alarm when he got his window rolled down.

I cringed internally. "I smacked my head against a gravestone," I told him, faking sheepishness.

Ana climbed out of the backseat and came to examine my head for me. She was drunk but she knew it and was being as careful as she could.

"Your mom is gonna trip if she sees you with this much blood on you," she murmured quietly. "Come to my house and get cleaned up first."

"Okay." Seth was still holding tightly to me, so I led him to the car and hopped into the back as Vince slid out and got in the front. Ritchie peeled out, hitting the power on his stereo so that Hank III started blaring through the otherwise quiet neighborhood.

We got to Ana's house in just under two minutes. I wondered for a moment what her neighbors thought about us - coming here at all hours, being as loud and drunk and crazy as we wanted - and it struck me as strange that I had never considered it before. I never considered what anyone thought about the things that I did, for the most part.

My eyes rested on Seth's face for a second, softly illuminated by the porch light. What did he think about the things that I did?

What if he knew all the things that I had done... ?

"Come on!" Ana said happily as the car pulled away and she started towards her home. Vince had to unlock her door for her after she dropped her keys three times.

The process was funny to me, because I knew what was probably waiting inside when we finally made it there.

Caroline was sitting in her favorite recliner, cigarette in hand and dressed in a silky bath robe. Her bleached hair was rolled tightly to her head, and her modest flask of Jack Daniels was sitting snugly between her leg and the arm of her chair.

She took a slow drag off her cigarette. "Fun night, darling?" she asked Ana, her demeanor snooty. It was part of her charm.

Her eyes moved, stopped, then bugged out at me. "Good lord, Elizabeth! What on Earth happened to you?"

"I fell in the graveyard and hit my head."

"Well, I can see that." She took another slow puff, sticking her nose up slightly. She snubbed her smoke out and rose from the chair, walking away like there were clouds under her feet. "It's so good to see you, Elizabeth," she said from the bathroom, raising her voice above the running water.

"Nice to see you too, Caroline."

"Who is your gentleman friend?" she yelled, not the least bit subtle about her level of interest.

"This is Seth," I said as she came back to the livingroom.

"Mm, hello," she said with a nervous little giggle. She looked like she was about to start purring and rubbing herself on him like a cat in heat.

Cougars.

"Hi," Seth said shyly, barely moving to position himself further behind me. I was hysterical inside of my head; he was actually intimidated by her acting like she liked him!

"I had heard that you were handsome, but - "

"He's mine, Caroline," I said abruptly. Seth may be too nice to tell someone off, but I certainly was not above it. "Back off, vamp." I laughed for a second at my own joke, and at the fact that I'd just called my best friend's mother a floozy for hitting on my boyfriend.

Caroline just looked taken aback for a second, then she took my laughter as a sign of peace and smiled. She reached towards me with the wet washcloth, but I just snatched it out of her hand and started cleaning myself up. She was kidding herself trying to act motherly like that.

"Later, Mom," Ana said as she started towards her room. We all followed behind her with me in the rear so that Caroline didn't try to get a grab at Seth's ass or something while my back was turned. I felt like sticking my tongue out at her.

We all sat in the almost-dark, listening to music hum as Ana wiped my face off gently.

"You better watch these women around here," Ana said in a low aside to Seth.

I half-smiled at her. "Cougars," we both said at the same time.

"I... well, you know, I can't be rude to an older lady," he mumbled.

"Seth is quite the gentlemen," I giggled to Ana before turning back to Seth. "Baby, imagine if a girl grows up being the way that you just were to her. Old guys hit on young girls all the time. You got to - " I smacked the bedspread - "Shut 'em down. Otherwise, you end up on a path of..."

"Sugar momma bullshit," Ana finished with a laugh. She finished with my head, covering the wound with a band-aid.

"Do you ever think maybe we're jaded because of where we come from?" I asked her, joking. Sort of.

She looked at me for a full minute before responding. "Maybe we are. Is it better anywhere else, though?" Her big brown eyes were thoughtful. "East Coast is out, California's out... Everywhere in between? I wouldn't bet against it."

"You can't outrun _that_. Generation RX is back in full swing."

She groaned and lazily fell forward to rest her head on my shoulder. "I hate feeling stuck here all the time. Remember it? The slow dread that is this town... Me and you were supposed to leave together, as soon as we had our shit together. You just got yours together faster than me."

"Hey, I told you I would pay for everything that you needed until you got a job. And even then, I'll always help you out."

"I know." She sighed. "I just don't want it to be like that. I don't want to eat away at your money." Her eyes went to Vince for a moment. "I don't think I could ever really leave, anyways."

"You both will, some day," I whispered. "Hey Vince, you guys should come out and visit me soon. I can try to get you guys a show."

He sat up when he heard the magic word - show - and smiled, drunk almost to the point of passing out. "Well, hell yeah," he slurred before dropping back down on the bed.

Seth was still sitting quietly behind me, toying with the ends of my hair. I exhaled, finally relaxing after such a long night and leaned back against him. He dragged his arms around my body and kissed my head, instantly comforted at the contact he had with me.

"I love you," he whispered into my ear.

"Love you too," I murmured sleepily.

"I'll go set up the extra bed for you guys," Ana said, the smile coming through in her voice.

I didn't move at all until she came back telling us the bed was done, and even then Seth lifted me easily from the love seat and carried me down the stairs into the basement.

He laid me down on the soft mattress and I curled up on my side, drifting away almost instantly. He woke me up every two hours as promised, so it definitely wasn't the best night's sleep I'd ever gotten.

I was done with the repeated naps by noon, so I got out of bed and went upstairs to raid Ana's refrigerator. I sat down at the table to eat some strawberries and stared at my reflection in the mirror across from me.

My head wasn't too bad, though it was hurting like a son of a bitch. The band-aid had fallen off at some point in the night. The sad thing was that the wound wasn't the worst part about the way that I looked; my hair was in knots and I had eyeliner and mascara smeared around my eyes. My skin was dead-looking and my lips were dry.

I was haggard as fuck today.

I heard a door open and shut softly, then small feet padded down the carpet towards me.

Ana stopped in the entrance of the kitchen and waved at me excitedly.

"Hey," I said, unenthusiastic. "Can I use your shower?"

"Yeah! Of course. You know where everything is." She stepped over to the refrigerator and pekked inside. "Want a beer first?"

"Okay," I decided after a moment, sitting back down. "What happened yesterday? Before... the incident."

"We went ten in ten minutes - "

I smacked myself in the forehead. "I remember now! Fuck, no wonder I smacked my head into something. That was so early..."

"But we kept drinking more all day," Ana giggled.

"Didn't we walk somewhere?"

"To Little Caesar's."

"Five dollar pizza!" we both yelled at the same time before we both laughed.

"Hell yeah." I shook my head as bits and pieces of the drunken journey came back to me.

We cracked open our beers and lit up simultaneously, starting our bad habits early like the old days. Ana had some sheesh from Cali and it wrecked my brain, quick.

"Sure you can still take a shower?" Ana asked, her smile goofy as I was headed towards the bathroom.

"I'm not that high," I lied.

"You are _stupid _stoned, Lizzy love. Your eyes are glowing like Open signs."

"Yeah, okay," I agreed. "Want to sit on the toilet and talk to me while I'm in there?"

"It will be like it's three months ago!" she joked as she followed me into the bathroom.

I showed her my new tattoo, which she loved, then chatted around for about twenty minutes while the hot steamy water washed some of the tension off of me. When I got out, Ana still hung around while I primped until I was satisfied with my appearance, aside from the way that Ana's dress was fitting me.

It took over an hour, and Seth and Vince were still in bed. We were both so used to having our men at our sides anymore that it felt wierd without them. But after waiting a while longer for them to get up, we were too bored to just sit around anymore.

So we started doing what we typically did out of boredom: we got shit-faced.

It only took me five shots before I'd had enough for the time being. I felt like it was somehow a bad idea to get this drunk this early. Actually, I felt sort of guilty.

I wasn't used to having someone to answer to about the way I lived.

I wanted to sober up a little, so I had Ana walk down to Mom's with me and help me pack up everything we'd left lying around my old bedroom. It took longer than it should have and we ended up making a huge mess while picking through all of my things, but we eventually got the job done.

Ana found my long lost BlackDamp box and carried it to the car with all my other stuff. I was worried about what I might find if I actually peeked inside.

As I was shoving the trunk shut, my phone received a text message from another number that I didn't recognize.

_Hey Sugar! It's HellRaiser. Danny said you moved to WA and I want to come and see you! _It said.

"It's Sammi," I told Ana as I put my phone back into my purse.

"Whoa," Ana said, long and drawn out. "I forgot she was near you. She wanting to chill when you get back?"

"Yeah. She was fuckin' nuts back in the day, wasn't she?" I yelled, jabbing Ana in the ribs. "Punk rock, bitches! Everybody suck my cock!" I mimicked our old friend.

Ana laughed with me. "Yeah she was something else. There's alot of wild girls around here but she was like a new fucking _breed_, even to us. I saw her beat somebody up, fuck a guy she didn't know and steal a car - all in one night! I kind of stopped hanging out with her after that."

"Yeah, she's not all bad though. She can be alot of fun," I giggled. I used to run wild with Sammi on a regular basis.

I stopped in my tracks and spun around. "Let's go see D."

"What about our guys?"

"They're asleep," I said with a wave of my hand. "Besides, they've got a phone, I've got a phone..." I jerked my head in the direction I wanted to go.

She sighed and turned around as I had, slipping her arm through mine as we walked leisurely.

"Isn't it wierd to you that Seth doesn't do any dope?" she aked quietly, out of the blue.

"I don't know... I like that he doesn't. But I always feel shitty for dragging him into this stuff."

"He's a big boy, Liz." She laughed effortlessly. "You're not dragging him, he goes willingly. He doesn't have to hang out with you or be around anything he doesn't want to be around."

"I wish it were that simple." Because he really had no choice when it came to me.

"What's that mean?"

"Never mind. I don't like thinking about it. It's a whole lot easier - and happier - to just go with it and pretend everything beneath the surface is as good as it's supposed to be." I finished my sentence with a sarcastic, overly-joyed smile.

"You guys seem to make eachother really happy," she pointed out. "Whatever problems you have, I'm sure you'll work them out."

"I don't have any problems with him, though. I have problems with myself."

"Yeah, I get the self destruction cycle. I'm kind of the same way..." She stared at her feet, her left arm still hooked with mine.

I felt a surge of things in that one instant, looking at the torment on my best friends face. I'd put some of that poison into her, the self loathing and pain and anger. I'd caused some and I'd witnessed more, and now Ana was as sick as I was.

"Remember when we were twelve and I got you really drunk for the first time?"

"Yeah," she laughed.

"And the first time I got you to steal, to eat pills, to hallucinate, smoke cigarettes, do coke - "

"You didn't get me to do all of that," she interrupted.

"Most of it, and I was around every time you had a first of doing something bad. I should have taken better care of you."

"You're the only one that's _always _taken care of me. Quit talking out of your ass."

I stopped and looked down into her pretty face, my emotions getting the best of me. "When we were down at Jasmine's and Ben got shot..."

I paused because Ana's face went so pale I thought she may pass out. She kept staring, frozen in place.

"That shouldn't have happened, and you shouldn't have seen it. I was trying to keep you away... And that one night that all that bullshit with Johnny happened, I was supposed to be there and I wasn't..."

She blinked a few times. "It's not your fault."

"Now I'm never here, I can't stop anything bad from happening to you."

"That night wasn't your fault, Liz," she repeated more adamently. "After all that shit, you were the only one that was totally there for me!" She was practically yelling to get her point across.

"Look at me," she said firmly, though I already _was_ looking right at her, just inches away. "You're my sister, for life alright? No matter what happens, no matter how far away we are from eachother." She was gripping my hand tight and speaking intensely, making the pit of guilt in my stomach grow larger. "For life. I love you."

Ana reached up on her tiptoes and kissed me on the cheek. I wanted to bash my head into something, or at least grow a big enough pair to be completely straight up with her. She deserved better from me, and there were some things she didn't know about our shared history.

We continued down to Darrell's as planned, where I said my goodbyes and received so many bear hugs and cheek kissings that I almost felt better.

I was a selfish creature, and I knew it, but it wasn't changing today. I'd work on my faults tomorrow, maybe.

We rushed back to Ana's when the boys got up, and it was getting so late that I couldn't put off my leaving any longer. It was hard to let go of my home... of myself.

That's what it felt like to watch the road disappearing behind me, even as Seth gripped my hand tightly from the driver's seat.


	30. My Girlfriend's Girlfriend

**Chapter Thirty - My Girlfriend's Girlfriend (Seth's PoV)**

It had been just more than two weeks since we'd gotten back, and everything had been great. There were no parties, no getting drunk or high on Liz's part, and everything was so quiet and calm that the contrast was astounding.

I'd spent the first week and a half without being away from Liz at all. I stayed at her house with her every night and day, relishing in the bliss that being close to her provided me with. She taught me songs and chords and musical facts, tried to teach me to paint (though I had no skill in it), taught me to throw knives, and taught me how to hold a camera steady in case I decided I liked making movies as much as she did. She read me books and poems and song lyrics, some of them written by her. She shared so many stories about herself that I was finally starting to feel like I understood her. Basically, it had been perfect, and I didn't realize how much so until our alone time came to an unexpected close.

I'd gone back to doing my regular patrols after that week and a half of being home, just so that I didn't drive my girl crazy by being around her every single second of the day. It had been about a week of going wolf regularly before things changed again.

I was just finished with my afternoon patrol, and I was putting on my shorts in the woods behind her house when I noticed that there was another car in the driveway. Some part of me instinctively got angry, because I assumed it must be another man. I gave myself a few seconds to relax before I went inside, because I really had no way of knowing until I looked for myself.

I strolled through the back door and stood in the kitchen for a moment.

"Here, hit this," I heard Liz say to whoever she had over. I could hear the flick of a lighter and then some coughing, but no voice yet.

"How much did you say you had?" The voice was distinctly female, and I breathed out a long sigh of relief.

"Pounds. And more whenever I need," Liz replied smugly as I stepped closer to her bedroom door. It was a little hard to hear every word over the music playing.

"Do this line," the one I didn't recognize said. I took another step and knocked on the door.

There was movement for a couple of seconds, and then Liz's friend yelled, "Come in!"

Liz was sitting on her bed against the far wall, and the other girl was in front of her. Liz swiped at her nose, a look of guilt on her face. She rearranged her features before looking up at me, a smile plastered on.

"Hey baby," she said easily. "This is Sammi." Her eyes darted over to the girl, who looked me over quickly.

"Nice to meet you," I said, though I couldn't bring myself to look at her. I couldn't look at anything besides Liz right now; the hours I went without her seemed endless.

"You too," she replied sharply. She turned towards me and held her hand out with something in it that I wasn't looking at.

"He doesn't smoke," Liz said, reaching for Sammi's outstretched hand.

"Really?" I could hear the distaste in the girl's voice. "What's he do, then?"

"He drinks every now and then." Liz looked up at me smiling, reminding me of a proud parent of a teenager.

"You're dating a square?" Sammi said, louder and crueler then necessary.

"Um, no. He's fucking awesome," Liz said, wearing that bitchy look that I loved so much. "You should hear him fuckin' rip it up on guitar."

Sammi turned towards me again. "Know any punk?"

Liz snorted. "Bitch, this ain't no fuckin' punk rock house!" She paused for a second to hit her pipe, then held the smoke inside of her lungs. "We got real music."

Sammi looked like Liz had just smacked her in the face. "Don't fucking down my shit!"

Liz shrugged, leaning back cooly as she blew her hit out. "You'd do the same."

"True," Sammi allowed. "I love metal, though. And I fucking _love _Peter Steele." She scooted to the edge of the bed and stood up in front of me, and now I wasn't too distracted to see her.

She was shorter and bigger than Liz, by at least twenty pounds. Her hair was very long and a mix of black, blue, pink and blonde. She had piercings in her nose, ears, eyebrow, and one on each side of her bottom lip, and she was wearing loud, ripped up clothing.

I think she was the scariest looking girl I'd ever seen up close in my entire life. Besides Leah, and that's just because I knew what she was capable of.

I took the oppurtunity of her leaving for the bathroom to claim her previous position on our bed, relieved all over again to be close to Liz. She was like sucking in lungfuls of fresh air after being deprived of oxygen.

I leaned back and she pounced, planting long awaited kisses on my mouth, face and neck. "I missed you," she whispered between kisses. "So much."

"I." _Kiss. _"Missed you." _Kiss kiss kiss. _"Too." _Kiss. _"Like crazy."

"Sorry about Sammi, she called this morning and wanted to hang out and I didn't think to warn you."

"It's your house babe, you can have anybody over whenever you want, I'm not going to be mad." I put my hands underneath her arms and pulled her over to straddle my chest.

She giggled, the cutest sound in my world. "What are you smiling like that for?" she asked teasingly.

"This is right where I like you to be," I murmured as she leaned down to rest her head on my shoulder. I was so comfortable that I probably could have fallen asleep right now with her laying on me, and I couldn't say that the idea wasn't appealing.

There was a low bang from another room, and then a sort of devious type of laughter. "Legs! You should've seen the giant shit I just took!"

And the moment was ruined.

Liz shook with silent laughs. "You're fucking sick, dude!" she yelled back, Sammi chuckling with her as she came closer to the room. Liz rolled off of me and sat up, making space for another person to sit. I was too comfortable to move, no matter how rude it seemed.

"Whoo, I feel way better," Sammi said as she plopped down, wiping sweat from her brow. She took her bag from Liz's dresser and poked around, producing a lighter and pack of cigarettes.

"Outside," Liz said, pointing towards the general direction of the back door. Sammi rolled her eyes as she stood again, but Liz still graciously followed her out.

I stayed behind, too worn out after my long day of running around and feeling agitated and empty. I turned the music down a bit and listened to the girls outside, just out of sheer curiosity. I wasn't sure if I liked Sammi or not yet.

They were playing with Luna, and talking about somebody named Daniel living in Seattle. The only thing I gathered from the short conversation was that this guy was hooked on heroin. They mentioned something about an upcoming concert, sounding like they had already made plans to go.

"Are you going to bring your boyfriend?" Sammi asked Liz, something the tiniest bit snide in her voice.

"If he wants to come, of course I am. I love turning him on to new music."

They were stepping inside of the house now. "He doesn't listen to Soilent Green?"

"The only sludge I've had him listen to is Liquid Filth. I don't even think they're that great myself, their drummer is way too fucking erratic, and their singer is like... GG Allin sick. I'd rather listen to Goatwhore or Eyehategod, or even Crowbar."

"We need to catch Down when they roll through."

They entered the bedroom, and I opened one eye.

"Do you want to go see a show with us and a couple of her friends next weekend baby?" Liz asked, her voice so soft and sweet and innocent.

I smiled at her. "Hell yeah," I said, nodding my head.

"Awesome," Sammi said, slapping hands with Liz. "You bring the goodies, and I'll bring Danny and Suzanne. We're gonna have a fuckin' blast!" she squealed.

"I have to go," Sammi said abruptly. "I'll call you." She hugged Liz, grabbed her bag and strolled away from us.

Liz stayed still until she heard the car turn around and exit the driveway, and then she sighed and collapsed purposefully onto the edge of the bed. I eyed her curiously.

"She's uh... interesting," I said, sitting up to pull Liz higher up onto the bed so that I could wrap myself all around her. She talked more when she was closer to me physically.

"Yeah, that's one way of looking at it. I love her to death... but something about her has always thrown me off."

"That's your gut instinct. Maybe you should just be careful around her."

"I guess so. Most of the girls that grew up in my town turned out to be horrible people, and I usually saw it coming. I could be wrong, though." She shrugged her shoulders and snuggled in closer to me, relaxing the both of us. "Oh well, we're going to go see a pretty bad ass concert because she happened to have extra tickets to a now sold-out show. That's good enough for me."

She leaned back far enough to look at my face, and I started smiling like an idiot, as per usual. "How was your day?" she asked tentatively, raising her hand to stroke my face, her touch softer than a feather's.

"Horrible," I answered, my face crumpling.

"Why?" she asked, suddenly worried. I smiled again, because I could tell that she wanted to fix whatever was bothering me. It was great when the person you were crazy about loved you back.

"I go nuts when I can't see you... touch you..." I cupped her ass cheek in my palm roughly, and she let out a little yelp of excitement. "And hear your voice," I whispered into her ear, letting my breath fan over her skin. "Or smell you, taste you..."

I put my nose to her throat, inhaled as much as possible and then growled. I had her on her back with myself on top of her in far less than a second. The way that she looked excited me even more: wide eyes, parted lips, flushed pink skin.

"You're perfect," I thought aloud, earning a somewhat shy smile. I gripped her by the sides of her waist, picked her up and moved her closer to the headboard. "The first time I saw you, I thought you were an angel."

She snorted. "You found out otherwise."

"No," I said, shaking my head for emphasis. "You saved me... from a life full of sadness and loneliness. I was already waiting for you when I met you."

She snaked her arms around my neck and pulled herself up towards me. "I guess I was sort of waiting for you, too," she said softly, her eyes cast down and her lips soft and pouty.

I couldn't stand it - she was so sweet and salty, sugar and spice mixed into the one glorious being that I loved. Hey, part of me was literally an animal.

I moved much too quick for her eyes to see; shutting the door, removing all of both of our clothes and placing my face between her thighs. Her skin was so incredibly soft, she smelled like something that should only exist in a dream or Heaven, and the taste...

As soon as she was falling over the edge, I plunged myself deep inside of her, feeling the sensation of completion that could only come from being with Liz.

I waited to move until she was done from her short high, then I kissed her temple and whispered, "I love you".

"Show me," she commanded, her voice thick with desire.

And so I did, physically at least.

Afterwards, Liz got up and went to take a shower as I lounged in our bed, my sleepiness returning. On her way out of the room, she stopped and looked at me curiously.

"What?" I asked, trying to keep my eyes on her eyes, instead of -

"Did you really like that acid?" she asked cautiously. Liz wasn't usually a cautious person.

"Yeah, it was..." I searched my brain for something to describe it, but there were no words.

"Would you like to do anything like that again?"

I blinked. "I don't know. I guess I would, for a special occasion or something."

"I'm just asking because... Well, never mind. Do you want to go out tonight?"

She waited by the door of her room for me to answer, and my body was screaming at mouth to say no to her - but my heart wouldn't allow me to disappoint when it clearly heard the anticipation in her voice. I was tired as hell, but I could make it through a few more hours for her.

"Okay," I finally said. "I might just grab a nap while you get ready."

She bounced happily back over to the bed and planted a big kiss on my cheek, then headed for the bathroom. I shut my eyes and sank into sleep almost instantly, having dreams that would have made incredible porno material.

She woke me up after three hours, and I felt surprisingly refreshed. Then she really surprised me.

"Leah called. She'll be here any minute, and she's coming out with us."

I was speechless. About that, anyways.

"You look extremely sexy," I said, becoming more alert as I looked her over. She _did _look extra hot tonight, and my protective side kicked in. What if the wrong man saw her dressed like this and wanted to hurt her? What if I wasn't right there to help her? What if we were at a bar and she had to bend over for some reason?

"Seth, stop that. I love dressing up - you're making me self-conscious."She tugged the bottom of her dress, but that just revealed more of the top half of her body. I scrambled out of the bed and stoped her hands from pulling at the small piece of fabric.

"It's fine." I kissed her inner wrist. "You look beautiful." And I'll hurt anyone who looks at you too hard.

There was a knock at the front door then, and I was surprised I hadn't heard Leah coming long before she got here.

"Come in!" Liz yelled, and my sister leaned in the doorway of the spacious bedroom a moment later.

"Are you going like that?" Leah asked, eyeing me. I looked down at my bare torso.

"No." I saw a t-shirt in the clean laundry that actually belonged to Liz, but it was a 3X emblazoned with Pantera's 'Cowboys From Hell' logo. I pulled that on and smoothed away my sex hair. I gave Leah an overdone smile and a thumbs up, to which she rolled her eyes.

"Aww, look baby, we match." Liz held up her little guitar pick necklace with the same logo.

"Adorable. Are you guys ready?" Leah asked, already growing impatient. We followed her silently to Liz's car, where she stood waiting for Liz to unlock it. We got in and started down the street, rain pelting the roof of the car then being drown out by music. We didn't talk for about a half an hour.

"You should get yourself some more cars, Liz. You're like a millionaire, right?" Leah asked, and my face got hot. That wasn't something I'd meant to share.

Liz shot a glance in my direction, then took a slow drink of Red Bull. "I'll probably get another one, but I'm pretty frugal when it comes down to it. If I ever have kids or anything, I want them to always be taken care of. That's why I still try to make money, to cover everything I spend out of what I got."

She didn't sound angry, just... invaded. She didn't want Leah to know these things.

"How are you still making money?"

Liz looked at me again, and I could instantly tell that she had assumed Leah just knew everything if she knew anything.

"Same as always. I sell things."

"Like what?" Leah was nothing if not persistent. And irritating.

"Like jewelry, and herbs and paintings. Once I get out and meet more people, I'll be able to do a ton of different shit."

"Cool. You should make me some jewelry; I'd pay you."

"No, that's alright. I'll make you something. Necklace, bracelet, or anklet?" Liz asked, visibly more relaxed since Leah had switched gears.

"I need a new ankle bracelet," Leah mumbled, looking down at her leg. They started chatting more nicely to one another and I tuned them out and counted the measures to every song on The Great Southern Trendkill, which had played four and a half times when we reached the cliche club. I let Liz drag me through the crowd, through the doors, through that crowd, and then to a table. Drinks were ordered while I dog-eyed every guy staring in our direction.

"I'm meeting someone here," Leah said happily, after a few minutes. "He's going to college in Seattle."

"Who the hell is he?" And why haven't I met him?

"His name is Justin, and he's really nice." She huffed and crossed her arms, typically.

"What about you and Embry?"

"We were just hanging out!"

The day seemed so distant to me, like a different life time. An incomplete life time.

"Hey Leah, tell me about Seth's dirty laundry," Liz said suddenly. "He can't be as perfect as he seems."

"He kind of is," Leah admitted ruefully. "There really isn't anything to tell."

"Oh, come on. There has to be something. Who was his last girlfriend?"

"This pitiful little thing named Megan," Leah said with a laugh.

"Why did they break up?"

"Seth was all sick to imprint on someone, so he had her hit the road. She was pretty upset, from what I understand... for a little while. Now she's dating some guy that she graduated high school with."

I was surprised to hear this about Megan, or to hear of her at all really. I had pretty much forgotten about her as soon as I saw Liz, for obvious reasons. But I was glad she was happy now.

"That's so boring," Liz sighed, her face full of disappointment. "There has to be something interesting or dramatic."

"Well, there was Kelsey..."

My face got hot again. I'd completely forgotten about Kelsey, blocked it out of my mind to protect myself or something. Now I remembered the entire extent of my hatred for Josh, as well.

"Don't," I groaned, knowing it was a wasted effort.

"She was his first love," Leah said romantically with a dash of doom behind her words. "They were together for a year and he thought she was _the one."_ Leah paused to roll her eyes and take her drink from the waitress that had just stopped at our table. "One day, everybody starts hearing these rumors about some video tape with Kelsey on it. So, eventually Seth tracks it down, because people are saying some pretty ugly things, and when he watches it... He sees his beloved getting it on with another kid from the Rez."

I waited for the pain of the memory, but it never came. I was too happy in the present to let my past bother me anymore.

Liz had a peculiar expression on her face, and her skin was darkening by the second. Leah and I both stared at her until she blew out a huge breath of air, and her skin began to return to normal.

"Why didn't you kill that skeezy bitch?" she asked, her voice calm.

"Oh, believe me, I offered." Leah sipped her girly mixed drink while Liz and I both tossed back a shot of bourbon. "He wouldn't let me."

A tall, muscular guy made his way to our table, looking nervously around him. He was white with dark hair and eyes, and he was dressed like an Abercrombie and Fitch model. He stopped behind Leah and pecked her on the shoulder.

She turned around and brightened up instantly. "Hey! This is my brother Seth, and his girlfriend Liz." She waved a hand at us without turning around.

Justin waved to me first, then to Liz, who he looked at very unusually before casting his eyes away from quickly. I put my arm around her as a warning to him, and to anyone else who might be thinking about trying anything with my girl. I was not above having a bar brawl over my pride.

Leah and Justin went to dance, and Liz and I followed suit after some time. The night was passing easily and uneventfully, and I was glad of it. I was too tired for any drama tonight. The only thing that happened at all was Leah stopping me once on my way to the bathroom.

"Justin says he recognizes your sweetie," she said, looking around like someone might be listening. "He called her the Goddess of Metal?" she said like it was a question. "Says she's all over the internet, on MySpace, YouTube, all that stuff."

"She never mentioned it before."

Leah shrugged her shoulders and danced back to her date, who was waiting patiently a few feet away. I went on to the bathroom, wondering why Liz never said anything about being "all over" the internet. It wasn't the best time for me to be thinking about my girlfriend on any kind of public video.

I trusted that it was nothing I would disapprove of, though, and figured I would bring it up some other time when the subject presented itself.

The night wore on further and the drinks kept coming. Liz and Justin were both worn out from all the dancing long before Leah and I, but they both pushed on and kept it up until the club was closing down. We finished our drinks, tipped our waitress and slugged back to the vehicles to ride home. Leah said her good-night's to Justin while Liz and I stretched out in the back seat, waiting for Leah to drive us home where she'd run to the house from.

Liz fell asleep on the ride back, and I carried her in when we got home. I settled us both in, changed Liz's clothes for her and set some water by the bedside for the morning. I turned out the lights and we both passed out for the night.


	31. Sewn Mouth Secrets

**Chapter Thirty One - Sewn Mouth Secrets**

I stood in front of my full-length mirror, wondering what a younger version of myself would think of me right now. I smiled at my reflection; younger me would think I was fucking badass and be envious, or possibly try to beat my ass for being cooler than her. That was just my style.

"You look hot, bitch!" Sammi yelled, flinging a copy of _Revolver _from like, three years ago at me. "Stop preening. If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

I had thought that I was mad at Sammi since she'd re-entered my life; I'd been doing drugs that I shouldn't be doing, and I hadn't said anything to Seth about it. I hadn't technically _lied _to him... But I wasn't mad at her. I was responsible for the things I did wrong. I was mad at myself.

"I haven't even touched myself in a half an hour, I'm just examining the wrapping." I was wearing a ripped up, re-designed H.P. Lovecraft t-shirt with holed-out jeans, revealing pieces of fishnet and flesh underneath. My shit-kickers were on, because heels and flip-flops were inappropriate for any kind of metal shows, and I would end up beating the shit out of anyone who squished my toes.

My eye makeup was black and gray, shimmery and impossible to miss. My lips were a rich blood red. I looked like _I _could pass for a vampire tonight.

I heard the creak of the back door and knew that Seth was here. He appeared, silently, a second later.

"You better slam some people later," Sammi said to him.

"Are you ready?" I asked him, looking him over. What a _sexy, _sexy man.

"Yeah, I'm all set. Am I driving, or you?"

"You can." I handed him the keys and helped lug Sammi's ass off of my bed, then we set off on our little journey.

I don't know how long it took to get there, because I usually sort of drifted away when I was in the car, especially riding bitch. My mind was not too far away today, just up the roads and through the woods that I now lived around. I was wondering what it was like to be a super-natural immortal creature, wondering how comforting it would be to not have to worry about some freak catastrophe knocking the life out of you suddenly. I imagine it would be pretty fucking nice.

Everything had it's downsides, though. Vampires couldn't be seen in the sunlight, and they could accidentally kill people. Or purposefully kill people. And the whole lot of them could end up watching everyone they know and care about get old and die.

I looked at Seth, whose eyes were fixed on the road ahead. What would happen when I got old and died? Would he choose to live forever?

I'm not really sure what I myself would do in his position.

"Light one up, Legs," Sammi said. I turned around and stared at her blankly before my head got on track. I clicked open the small clutch I was carrying and got my metal case out.

"Why do people call you that?" Seth asked. I thought for a second and opened my mouth, but Sammi was already off.

"It's just a joke about how long her legs are. All the _guys _gave it to her."

I wanted to throw something or hit her, just for the tone of her voice when she said that. She better not turn out to be one of those girls... She better not try to make me out like I'm worse than I actually am when she knows better.

I didn't react. I let it slide, because I was too nice for my own good sometimes.

"I think your legs are very sexy," Seth said, quiet but still loud enough for her to hear. He reached over and ran his big, warm hand up my thigh.

I felt like sticking my tongue out at Sammi in triumph. Seth loved me, it wasn't quite so easy to get him to think badly of me. I hoped, anyways.

We stopped at a gas station in Seattle, the place where we were meant to meet up with Daniel and his girlfriend. Daniel was actually a friend of mine from back in the junior high days, when he was a foster kid living across the street from a very wigged out thirteen-to-sixteen year old me. We both had an affinity for setting things on fire, and that's how our friendship had originally been established. He was cool.

Sammi spotted their car after just a few minutes of sitting in the rain, and we followed them a couple of blocks away to a three-story bar; the door was emblazoned with the word 'Yesterday's' in big, bright letters.

Danny gave me a hug underneath my umbrella when he spotted me. "I missed you," he said.

"You, too." I patted his back, and then he released me. "How's everything been going for you out here?"

"Not so good, in some ways." He looked over at his girlfriend, busy talking with Sammi. She was small and dark-haired, and possibly the cutest thing I'd ever seen.

"But then again, some things are looking up." He finished his thought out.

"She's a cutie," I said, bumping him in the shoulder. "Better be good and hold onto her. I can tell she's innocent just by looking at her." And I could tell, she was the type of girl that wasn't exposed to too much. Yet.

"Easier said than done." He frowned and then he, Seth and I all started walking towards the other two girls.

Danny's girlfriend looked up at us, focusing on me. "Hi!" She said, slapping on a smile that was only a little fake. "It's so nice to finally meet you!"

I didn't blame her for being nervous; at least twenty different people had admitted to me that I was intimidating - Seth was one of them. I smiled at her, trying not to feel anxious at all. "It's great to meet you, too!"

She held her hand out, but I hugged her instead, and I could tell she didn't find it strange or unwanted. "I'm Liz," I said as a by-the-way.

"I'm Suzanne. Danny's told me alot about you."

"Did he tell you about living in Louisiana for a month and a half?" I laughed. If nothing else, my life was interesting.

"Yeah, he did," she laughed along. "Sounds like you guys had fun."

"I was obsessed with Dax Riggs, I just didn't realize he wasn't living there anymore," I sniffed. We were already at the door having our identifications checked by the door men. Mine was fake but I didn't give a second thought about it. It had never falied me before.

"I love him!" I barely heard Suzanne yell excitedly. We were inside now, and the place was fucking packed.

And there were no girls. None, except for the three of us... and every guy in the place was staring at us like they were prepared to pounce at any second.

* * *

**(Seth's PoV)**

They were staring at her like they were ravenous wolves, and she was the juiciest piece of steak they'd ever seen. My grip on her tightened, and she reached up and wrapped her hand around my arm. The five of us stayed in a group and moved to the bar, where both I and Liz's friend Daniel kept a tight hold on our women. Sammi just looked like she was having the time of her life.

"Who is this?" Liz yelled over the shrieking lady musician that was on stage.

"Betty X!" Sammi yelled back, bopping around to the music. I was starting to definitely not like her. Actually, I was heading into hate territory.

And Liz didn't realize yet that I knew what she'd been up to. For the past week, she was hyper all day until she decided it was time to wind down, and then she would pass out cold, practically dead to the world. I'd seen some shortened straws and rolled up pieces of paper, but I had no clue as to what she was actually on.

I couldn't understand why she didn't trust me enough to be honest with me.

I was sipping on a beer when Sammi started dragging her away, yelling about the bathroom. I let them go for a half a minute before I got up and followed.

I waited by the door to the ladies' room, staring down anyone that looked at me too long or too tough. Sammi came out of the bathroom first.

"Hey, Seth! What are you doing right here?" she asked, leaning into me.

I pushed myself closer to the wall. "Where's Liz?"

"She's doing some blow, she'll be out in a second," she said snidely. This was why I hated her. "You know..." She leaned closer again, "You and me could go somewhere else while she's not looking."

She went to touch my chest, and I pushed her away. The idea of our skin coming into contact was utterly _disgusting_ to me, even if I had no idea who Liz was. Add that part into the mix, and that would be the most sick and horrific thing I could ever consider doing in my entire life.

Liz came out of the bathroom then, glanced at me, then looked away. She was guilty for what she'd just been doing, if Sammi was telling the truth. I felt a little guilty myself just now, because I didn't have the guts to tell her what had just happened.

I took her hand and led her back to the bar, where we sat and relaxed and drank for a while. I noticed that everyone had drifted closer to us, like moths to a flame. They were crowded all around us before long, pushing and imposing upon our space. I was almost to the point of throwing punches when they announced that Soilent Green was about to play.

Even then, more than half of the men lingered until Liz and the rest of us went to the edge of the stage.

Liz was right - sludge wasn't that great. I was glad to be at a real show, to be with my girl, to feel the warm buzz of alcohol coursing through me, but I could have picked a better band to see. I still managed to make good work out of the pit, though.

The guys around us were relentless; if Liz left my side for even a millisecond, they swarmed her. Some even came calling while she was right beside of me, and they went home with blacked out eyes or busted mouths. Liz wasn't doing too bad at keeping them away on her own, either.

It wasn't the best - or the worst - two hours of my time.

I was glad when it was time for us to go home. Liz and I said good night to the others, deciding that Liz would ride out tomorrow to get Sammi and bring her to pick up her car. She wanted to go shopping in the big Seatle mall.

When we got into Liz's car to leave, she didn't buckle up her seatbelt. Instead, she climbed over onto my lap as best as she could manage and started kissing me and rubbing against me...

_FUCK! _My head screamed. Why did we have to be in a parking lot right now?

I pulled back gently, about an inch or two. "Baby..." I whispered as I stroked her back. "We have to wait until we get home."

"Okay." She sighed, but then smiled as she crawled back into her seat. She was easily swayed when she was drunk.

I pulled out of the almost empty parking lot, creeping out into the streets of Seattle. I was on edge tonight, practically prickling with electricity. Something was off.

"Cop," Liz said. I glanced at the headlights in my rearview mirror. She started moving around carefully in the dark, hiding something. I couldn't tell what, or where she put it, but I was starting to get really worried.

Blue lights started bouncing off everything around us, illuminating the night.

"Fuck, fuck, _fuck!"_ Liz muttered, biting her lip way too hard. She opened up the glovebox and started pushing around random things until she located her proof of insurance, which she tossed into my lap.

The officer came up to my window, shining his bright light in to assess who he'd stopped. "Evening, sir. Ma'am. License and registration, please."

I didn't say anything as I handed the papers off to him. He stood in the rain, shining his beam on our I.D.'s.

"I'll be right back," he said before loping off. I couldn't place his accent, but he definitely wasn't from here.

"Shit, fuckin' cops," Liz said under her breath. She was bouncing her knee around, a sure sign of her discomfort at our current situation.

"Do you have anything on you?" I already knew the answer.

"Yeah, a couple felonies worth," she spat quietly.

"But you hid it."

"Yes."

A few more moments of tense silence, and then the policemen was by the window again.

"I'm going to have to have you two step out of the vehicle, please."

Liz and I both mechanically reacted, stepping out into the swirling mist. I didn't like that I couldn't see her face right now, couldn't tell if she was okay.

"Hands against the car, sir," the police officer said, tapping my arm as I did what he said. I could hear the small footfalls coming around the car and quite literally prayed that Liz wasn't going to get in trouble, or make it worse if she already was.

"Excuse me," Liz said, startling the officer. She had her mask perfectly in place, her voice coming out soft and sweet and fluffy. "Can I ask you what you pulled us over for, Officer?"

_Damn, _she was good at her act. If I was the cop right now, I would definitely think she was just the most innocent girl I had ever met in my life.

The cop, who had just been patting me down, pulled his hands away and started adjusting the belt of his pants. "Well sweetheart," he began to answer as he leaned against the car casually.

Sweetheart? You have got to be kidding me...

"I noticed the two of you leaving the bar. I noticed your tags..." He shifted a little, and I could see Liz's face over his head; she was working now to not blow her top off at him.

She tapped her license plate. "It's not expired," she pointed out.

"Oh, I know, it's just that..." He couldn't think of a reason fast enough, and Liz was getting extremely aggravated.

"Was it the state that you were referring to?" she asked, and her voice was not quite so sweet anymore. "Suspicion of being a pill-head?"

The cop's neck was turning red. "Put your hands against the vehicle and spread your legs, Miss - " He looked down at the card in his hand, "Collins. I'm going to have to search you."

I really did _not _like the way that he was looking at her right now.

She laughed once, humorlessly, and crossed her arms instead of doing what she was told. "Oh, that's fucking rich."

"Liz," I said, just loud enough for her to hear. She didn't even bat an eyelash, just stared down the authority figure.

The cop took two steps towards her, then looked over his shoulder at me. "Get back in your seat, sir."

And then I did the most stupid thing I could have: I listened and got back into the car. It didn't even hit me until I already had the door shut that something about this was totally wrong, and I may have just left my girl in danger.

I didn't want to pop back out of the car, because he would probably get scared and pull his gun on me. I needed to wait until he was gone or distracted, and if need be I would dive out of this car and snatch Liz and run.

I could see them in the side mirror; he was behind her, saying something into her ear. His voice was indistinguishable in the rain, but Liz's face was a story all it's own. Her eyes were wide and turned down, her lips were parted and her jaw was clenched. She looked angry, and... scared? It was hard to tell, because I'd barely seen fear in her eyes before.

I saw one of his hands twitch closer, and I perked up. He slid his hand to her thigh fluidly, and I was out of the car.

I didn't mean for what happened next... I couldn't stop it, though. Heat shot straight through my body, and before I knew what was going on, I was no longer a man standing in the street.

I was a giant wolf, and this was very, very bad.

"Oh, shit!" Liz yelled, and she sounded kind of excited. She looked down at the ground around her and while the cop was distracted with me, she picked up a big rock and thumped it over his head.

I made a noise that sounded like I was choking. How had our night made such a turn?

"You can change back now. Quick," Liz said with a grin. She was actually enjoying herself.

I phased and stood there, rubbing my head as I tried to figure out what we were going to do now.

Liz bent down and took her I.D. out of the cop's hand, then felt around in his pockets for mine. She handed it to me and walked back to the car, crawling into the open driver's side. She poked her head out at me.

"If he wakes up, knock him out again. If you hear sirens, yell something." She ducked back into the vehicle, pilfering around at whatever was inside.

"Yell something like what?" I asked.

"I don't know! Anything!" she hissed back.

I was starting to feel self-conscious, so I moved my hands down to cover my privates.

Liz got out of the car with the rest of her belongings and sauntered back to me. "Okay. Let's go before he wakes up."

I was still frozen, so she took the lead and got into the driver's seat of her car. I was finally able to move around to the other side and get in, too.

It wasn't but five minutes before I started freaking out.

"What the hell just happened?" I screamed.

Liz swerved a little at my voice and had to correct the car. "Fuck, Seth, just give me a heart attack," she said, but there was no irritation in her voice.

"Why did you hit him?"

"What the hell was I supposed to do? He saw you transform into a fucking animal! And he was about to do some other stuff... " She sped up, tearing down the empty highway.

"I could have... we should have..." What could we have done?

"We should have killed him," Liz mumbled, and I stared at her blankly. She glanced over at me for a second. "Who's he going to tell about this? A friend? A newspaper? A government agency?"

"It just happened so fast..." Was I going into shock?

I'd never been a panicky person. I needed to just relax, and clear my head so that I could think.

There was no way to change what had already taken place. What could I do now, to set things back in order?

I pulled out my phone from the center console and dialed Sam's number; it wasn't much, but it was a start. I didn't realize how awkward it was going to be trying to explain our predicament to him until I was halfway into the story, and I could practically see the look on Sam's face.

After I explained, he sighed and said nothing for a long time.

"Sam?"

"I feel as if I should lecture you for this... but, I think this one is out of my field. What you've done..."

"So, you're not mad?" I asked hopefully.

"Oh, make no mistake. I am angry enough to quite literally kill you."

I waited for him to say more.

He didn't.

"I'm really sorry, Sam." I sighed.

"Just try to make it here without any other casualties, and when you get here, _wait for me._"

I didn't have to. That Alpha thing only worked on me if Jacob used it.

"Okay, we'll be there."

"Emily will be expecting you." He hung up the phone, probably already off towards Seattle to attempt to clean up my mess. I don't know exactly how he planned on doing this, but I guess he had some idea.

My phone rang once before I answered it.

"On second thought, you should probably come with me. Have Liz come here and wait for both of us."

I sighed again. He was going to hold my girlfriend hostage so that I couldn't avoid a lengthy chat about the evening's mistakes.

"Alright. I'll change in a minute and we can meet up."

"Let me speak to Liz."

I hit the button for speakerphone and held it closer to her.

"Elizabeth?" Sam asked, and Liz quirked her eyebrow up at me.

"Umm, yeah?"

"We need you to come straight here, without stopping on the way. It's not safe right now. Can you do that, please?"

Liz started fidgeting around, like a mental claustrophobic. "I'll be there. Don't be hard on him, this is my fault more than his."

"I'll try to keep that in mind." Sam waited for a moment, but Liz didn't have anything else to say. He cleared his throat. "Emily will be up waiting for you, Liz."

Liz pulled into the right lane to wait for an off ramp to let me out. "Did he just fucking hang up on us?"

"He does that."

"Is he always so short with everybody, or is he just really pissed off?"

"Really pissed off," I answered sheepishly.

Liz pulled over on a more secluded road that twisted into the woods and turned off the car.

"Hey," she said, and looked over at me. I touched her face, not recognizing the amount of worry that was now on her features. She held my hand to her cheek, then kissed my palm.

"I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have done that... "

"Shhh," I whispered, pulling her closer to me. She rested her head against the front of my shoulder, instantly taking my mind from what was around me to what was in front of me. I couldn't think straight about anything when all I could smell was cherry pie, and all I could hear was the healthy beat of her heart and the soft in and out of her breath.

I thought about that cop trying to take advantage of her, and my teeth snapped together. What if I had not been with her tonight?

"Seth," she whispered, and I could hear the smile behind it. She lifted her pant leg up to the knee, then un-strapped something from around her leg, inside of the boot. It was a knife holster with four throwing blades in it.

I got a bit hysterical, and Liz laughed with me. She kissed me on the cheek, and I held her to me.

"You are so cool, baby," I chuckled. "I guess I should have known you wouldn't travel without illegal weaponry."

She laughed again, but this time there was an edge to it that I didn't understand.

I looked up at the moon then, full and bright. "I have to go," I said quietly.

Liz sighed. "Love you."

I leaned over and kissed her again. "I love you, too. See you at Sam's?"

She made a face, but still nodded yes.

"Be careful!" I yelled cheerily as I hopped out of the car, shut the door, and phased all in one quick motion. I saw her headlights disappearing behind me as we moved farther away from eachother.


	32. Special Pets

**A/N: True Blood is getting tasteful with their music choices! Check out Massive Attack's Paradise Circus from the episode a couple of weeks ago, and last Sunday's ended with an Otep song called Head (This chapter's song is Otep as well). Both very different, and very fuckin' awesome!**

**There is graphic drug use in this chapter. (As if you need to be warned of that.) **

_"When you scream it sounds like a lullaby  
When you beg I get all gooey inside  
Tonight I take your eyes, mind, and tongue  
To spread the word, and watch your kingdom come_

_Another night with you  
Another wound  
You keep me  
In stitches  
You tear me  
To pieces_

_I need new voices in my head  
To speak my secret evils with  
I need new lovers in my bed  
To be my friends and special pets_

_I need your scent all over me  
I need to taste your blasphemy  
I need to know with certainty  
The nectar was worth the squeeze_

_It's just the way that we're diseased  
It's the plague that stains us  
It's the sweetest disease  
It's so contagious _

_Once upon a time...  
I ripped the wings from my spine,  
But when I hide inside your eyes  
I still pretend that I can fly_

_Tell me every secret...  
So you can fall in love  
And then fall to pieces."  
- OTEP_

**Chapter Thirty Two - Special Pets**

I went to knock at the door of Sam and Emily's house, but she got it open before I had the chance.

"Come on in, Liz," she said as she waved me inside. Her hair was down and she was wearing a long flannel nightgown. I moved past her and perched my ass on the arm of one of her chairs.

"Sorry for waking you," I said when I saw her yawning.

She smiled sleepily. "I'm sure you didn't mean to." She slouched down into the couch. "Actually, I'm glad that Seth called Sam. Nobody needs to get in any trouble over this."

I sighed, and I could feel her eyes on me. My own eyes started darting around nervously, waiting for her to stop staring at me.

"Don't feel so guilty," she said quietly. I looked over at her, and we just stared at eachother for a few minutes.

"I don't know how," I finally breathed. "I should feel guilty when I do something stupid." Because I did many, many stupid things. Every single day of my life.

"Don't beat yourself up over it." She yawned and slouched down further into the sofa cushions. "Everybody makes mistakes."

I shook my head, but inside all I was thinking was yeah, that's the fucking understatement of the century.

There was some kind of noise from outside, then a low knock at the door. Emily and I looked at one another; she hadn't been expecting another visitor, not one that would knock, anyways.

She got up and went to the door, peeking out of the front window along the way. She opened up the door and said, "Hey, Bella!"

Bella kind of took me off guard; I don't know what I imagined she might look like in the millisecond before I saw her, but it was not like this. She was so beautiful, like a dark-haired angel or something.

_Hottie alert!_

After openly gawking at her for a moment, I realized that I could now identify the fact that she was not human. Her skin was too pale, her features too perfect and her eyes were a warm honey color.

I wasn't sure how I felt about being this close to a vampire. I was starting to make myself kind of nervous, though.

"Hi, Liz. It's nice to meet you," Bella was saying to me shyly. She gave me a small, careful smile, and it was hard for me to not laugh at her.

A practiced vampire.

"Nice to meet you, too." I smiled real big at her.

She looked back at Emily. "Edward said he was coming here after he helps Seth, so I came to meet him," she explained to her.

"That's fine." Emily yawned again, and I was worried she might collapse into sleep right now, standing up. "It will be... like... girl time."

Bella laughed, a silvery, shimmery sound that my memory could not correctly reproduce. "Sorry, Renesmee already painted my toenails for me."

"Renesmee?"

"My daughter," she said with a knowing smile, and my mouth dropped open. This chick looked my age and she had a daughter that was old enough to use beauty products?

"That's a pretty name," I finally said, reminding myself that it was technically impossible for me to tell how old she really was.

She didn't have to fucking age.

"Thank you," she said politely. "Maybe you would like to meet her sometime. She's about your age... or seems to be, anyways. She thinks Seth is her uncle."

I could feel my face twisting up around her words in confusion.

"It's kind of a long story," she said, fidgeting nervously.

I held up my hand at her. "I don't think I want to know just yet. Otherwise, I'll just ask Seth. It's been a long night."

"What happened, exactly?" she asked, and Emily perked up a bit to hear my answer.

I thought back to the beginning and described the whole thing, scene by scene. I watched their faces change with the emotion that I threw at them, and I enjoyed their reactions as much as they enjoyed my story.

"What do you think they'll do now?" Emily asked when I was finished.

"They have Edward, and Jasper. I guess they'll just figure out if he remembers, and if he does... They'll have to convince him that he's been dreaming," Bella replied.

I thought again about suggesting that they just go on and kill the asshole, but Bella didn't seem like the murderous type. She just seemed kind of... flushed and self-conscious.

I knew it was rude to stare, but I couldn't stop myself from studying her.

"What's it like to be a vampire?" I asked after a couple of minutes of silence had passed. Emily opened up her eyes again, curious and alert.

Bella's face was blank. "It's... different."

I started laughing. Different? That's all she had for me?

Bella giggled, too. "Sorry, I don't really know how to explain it. It has some difficulties, but I enjoy it. I _am _fairly new at the whole thing," she said thoughtfully, "But it seems to suit me well."

"I think it sounds bad ass. Vampires! I've been reading and watching movies about it my whole life, and I always wondered what it would be like if they were real. Now... they _are _real, and it doesn't seem that wierd to me."

"I wasn't that surprised when I found out, either," she said, a bit smug. "I chose this, though." She gestured towards herself. "I can't imagine what it's like for those who didn't, and I've heard the stories."

"Why did you choose this?"

"For Edward... and Renesmee. I wanted to have Edward for longer than a human life allows. And when he got me pregnant, it was either change me or let me die."

"Damn," I said, barely noticing the thought slip through my mouth. "And I thought my life was interesting." I shook my head as the girls giggled at me. "How could you stand him reading your mind all the time?"

"He never could when I was human, and now he can if I let him. It's a little ability that I have."

I thought this over for a moment. "I don't think I could hang out with Seth if he read my mind. Maybe not even if he just read other peoples'. Most thoughts should be kept inside the head."

There were suddenly voices coming from outside, making their way onto the porch and then into the house. Seth came straight to my side without even having to look right at me, then he bent down and kissed me. Edward stood by Bella and snaked his arm around her waist, and Sam sat beside of Emily on the couch where she leaned into him. Jasper stood awkwardly by the door.

Everyone started talking about what had happened, and how they'd had to fix it. I couldn't pay attention to anything that they were saying.

My thoughts were starting to twist into violent snarls; I was thinking about the gratifying sound my weapon had made when I cracked it over that fucker's head. I was thinking about how good it had felt, how much it had fed the monster inside of me. I was thinking about Edward, just a few feet away, listening to every horrific thing that was going through my head.

Knowing that he could hear wasn't stifling any of it; if anything, having someone else inside of my mind seemed to be making my thoughts run more rampant. Flashes of the past that I couldn't stop, things that I knew that I definitely shouldn't, and pieces of myself that I'd left far behind were flowing in my brain, intermingled with the present and all the things I could never understand.

I chanced a peek upwards, and he was staring at me, his topaz eyes boring a hole into my brain. I wondered if anybody would notice it if I flipped him off.

"Edward?" Seth's voice came from above me.

I looked back down at the ground at the sound of his voice.

"I'm sorry," Edward said. "And no."

"You know that I hate that," Bella said. I looked up again, this time at her; she was looking at me, her expression curious. I leaned my head upwards, and Seth was staring at me too.

"What?"

"What were you thinking about?" Seth asked.

"I don't know. They go away too fast to remember them."

The eyes fixed on me turned to Edward.

He rolled his eyes mockingly. "I could write you a novel going over the last ten minutes, if you'd like. She thinks more than everyone in this room combined."

"And feels more," Jasper said very softly from the corner of the room.

Everyone was staring at me again, and it was starting to really wrack my nerves. "Why is that?" I asked, looking at my hands.

"We're not sure," Bella said, and she sounded kind of happy about it.

"_We?" _I asked. "You all talked about me?"

"Our father, Carlisle, was curious about you. He thinks that if you were one of our kind, you would have some type of skill."

Seth let out a low growl, then coughed to cover it.

"He wasn't thinking about it along those lines," Edward said to Seth.

"What type of skill?"

"It's impossible to know, really," Bella said. "It could be something that relates to that part of you, or nothing at all."

"I think you would just be one excruciatingly aggitated vampire," Edward spoke to me, though he was looking at his Bella.

How cute.

"I think I'd go on a killing spree," I whispered, and somehow my statement broke the tension in the room. Everyone laughed... except for me, Edward, and Jasper.

Though, Jasper didn't seem like a very humorous type.

After a few minutes went by, everyone in the room suddenly got loud and excited. They were standing on the balls of their feet and looked like they were ready to party or something. Except for me... and Jasper.

"Stop doing that," I said to him under the uproar. Seth already told me about his little "skill".

Everyone went silent.

"I don't affect you." Jasper was looking straight through me.

"Good," I countered.

"But the last time I saw you... "

"Try it again," Edward suggested.

I sat still for a minute, avoiding anyone's eyes. I was waiting to see if I would start crying, or smiling, or want to dance or something. I didn't feel anything.

Seth wrapped his fingers into the back of my hair and bent my face up to his. He put his lips to mine, desperate and deliberate.

"It doesn't even touch her," Jasper whispered, astounded.

I pulled back from Seth, breaking the connection. "This shit is getting _too _wierd. You can stop making everybody horny now."

"Oh, that was you?" Sam asked, and everyone was back to hysterics.

We relaxed and talked with the others for just a bit longer before Jasper, Bella, Edward, Seth and I decided to let Sam and Emily hit the sack. I hugged Em goodbye, but kind of avoided the Cullens when we left because I wasn't sure how... er, hungry they might be.

Seth wasn't his usually overly happy self as he drove us home. I wanted to see what it was that was bothering him, but did I really need to ask? We'd had a shit night - one of a few that were starting to pile up on my conscience.

I ventured anyways. "What's wrong, baby?" I asked, sweet as I could muster at the moment.

He gave me a tiny sideways smile and put his hand over mine. Then he sighed. "I'm worried about you."

That wasn't exactly what I had expected him to say. Hell, that was not even in the _realm_ of what I had expected him to say. "Why?"

"What have you been hiding from me?" he asked slowly, quietly.

He'd thought on this for awhile.

I couldn't think of a way to answer him; I wasn't sure whether I was mad at him, mad at myself, mad at the world...

"You don't have to tell me. I just thought that we were past this type of thing."

"Seth, I've been doing dope since junior high, it's not something I hide."

"Then why do you go out of your way to never do certain things in front of me?"

I put my hands to my face in exasperation. "Fuck, do I really need to explain that to you? You don't do any of the bad things that I do. Snorting lines of cocaine or eating or huffing or _whatever... _If I do shit like that right in front of you, it's like I'm tainting you or something. Exposing you to a side of life that you never chose to take part in isn't very becoming of me."

"But I chose you, baby." He pulled one of my hands down and held it in his. "I'll take everything that comes along with you. I just get scared sometimes that you're doing things that aren't safe."

"I've been doing unsafe for a long ass time. It's a big part of my life. You can protect me from most things... but you can't ever protect me from myself." I stared out of the window at the rain that was now dumping down on the whole town. Seth pulled up the dead end road that stopped at the mouth of my driveway, then parked the car.

"I'm sorry that I make bad decisions sometimes. Well, alot of the time. I could give you excuses for it, or tell you that I'll stop, but it would be bullshit either way. I don't understand why I am the way I am or why I do what I do, other than that it's just the way I've always known."

"You don't have to apologize. You didn't do anything wrong to me, Liz. I just want to understand you better, and I want you to be happy and healthy." He got out of the car and was opening my door as soon as his clicked shut, then he rushed us both inside so that we didn't get quite as soaked.

"What about the stuff on the internet?" he asked in the livingroom.

"Ummm..." Stuff on the internet?

"Oh!" I giggled at him. "That wasn't anything bad or wierd. I just used to try really hard to help out the scene back home, up until I realized it was totally pointless. Appalachia has some of the world's best musicians, but nobody can get their shit together - or if they can, they don't need any help from the local community. Where did you hear about that stuff?"

"Someone that knows my sister recognized you and mentioned it."

"And you thought...?"

"I was clueless. I just hoped it wasn't anything that you were ashamed of or something."

I started laughing when I was inside of my bedroom, peeling off my wet shirt. "If I were you, there's no way I'd be able to hang out with someone as tripped out as me."

Seth tossed my shirt away with a smile. "It's fun hanging out with you. You're funny and unique, and you don't think or talk like anybody else in the world. You make me see some things kind of in the way that you do."

"That's sweet." I pulled off my jeans and stockings and wiped the water off of my body so that my pajamas wouldn't stick to me.

"So... why do you like doing coke?"

"I don't, actually. Not when I think about how it feels coming off the shit."

"Then why do it at all?"

"I just like getting high," I said truthfully. "It's alright for a few minutes, or if we have sex while I'm on it or something."

This piqued his interest; he sat up and crossed his arms, one eyebrow arching higher than the other. "It makes sex better?"

I giggled at the interested expression on his face. "Yep."

He rubbed his chin thoughtfully for a few seconds. "Can I have some?"

I started laughing out of surprise. "You're joking, right?"

He smiled and shook his head no. "I was already planning on jumping you tonight when you crawled into bed with me. This will make it more fun for both of us."

I was so shocked that it nearly knocked the air out of me. For some reason, I just assumed that Seth had no desire to do drugs, and that he would never get curious and try something. Or, at least, if he did try something that it would just be to smoke some pot.

But here we were right now, my straight edge boyfriend asking me for nose candy so that we could have rockin' sex.

I knew that if I agreed, I would be doing something that there was no repentance for. Setting someone down a path of self-destruction is the mark of a sick individual, and I understood fully the repercussions of doing something like that to someone else.

But how could I say no?

"Okay," I decided after a moment. I sat down on the edge of the bed and reached underneath the dresser until my hand located the plate that I'd stashed there. I pulled it out and set it in my lap, then reached into my bra and grabbed the little baggie that was hiding in there. I dumped what I had left out and cut it into two equal lines.

I rolled up a fifty from my wallet and handed it and the plate to Seth. He looked at it, uncertain.

"Does it burn?"

"No, not really."

"Are you sure I should do this much?"

"Try half first," I suggested.

He still stared at the plate and the fifty. "I don't really know how to..." He looked up at me, holding the straw out.

"Oh, yeah." I took the straw from his hand and stuck it in one nostril, using my other hand to cover the free nostril so that no air would come in. I bent down and sniffed the whole line up. I took the plate from Seth's hand and gave him back the bill.

He was still uncertain, but he followed what I'd done and sniffed half of his line.

"Now, do this," I told him. I pushed my nostril upwards and inhaled as hard as I could. Seth did the same, and we both got our first drips of numb euphoria.

"Whoa," he said when he could taste it in the back of his throat.

"I know," I laughed. I got a cigarette from my pack and rubbed the butt on the plate where my line had been, then stuck the filter in my lips and lit it, loving the familiar warmth of not having to feel.

"You're smoking in the house," Seth pointed out.

"It's okay, I do it every now and then." I pulled open the top drawer of my dresser and took out an ashtray.

"I can't feel my mouth."

I giggled at him. "It does that." I squished my cigarette out and replaced the ashtray to it's hiding spot. Seth grabbed me up from behind and tossed me lightly to the bed, positioning himself above me.

"I believe we had some plans to uphold," he said slyly.

I had some awesome comeback right around the corner, but his mouth was covering mine and I didn't care enough to be witty when he made me feel like this. I loved the sweet smell of his skin, the warmth of his body and the feel of his lips and hands caressing my bare skin. His touch was not rough or gentle, just desperate enough that it showed some bit of the true desire burning beneath the surface.

Our intimacy was not always as much about love as it was about our animalistic need for one another.

Seth took both of my wrists in one hand and held them both high above my head. I struggled against his hold, and it just excited him more; he bent forward and bit me on the soft flesh of my collar. I struggled around some more, until he stopped kissing on me and looked at my face.

"Don't," he commanded, his voice rough.

I wanted to argue, but something in his eyes said that it wasn't a great idea.

He kept watching, incredulous. "You don't want to?"

I was going to answer, but his mouth had mine once again. He let one hand roam up my inner thigh to settle between my legs, and then I realized that he wasn't waiting on any answer from me.

He broke his kiss but stayed put. "Say that you do."

He looked up and his eyes were burning into me. "Say it."

"I want you."

And I did want him.

He spent over an hour showing me why I wanted it, why there was nothing in the world that could top the intensity of making love to someone who had your heart and the expertise to make it sputter out of control.

When Seth was wound down and snoring, one arm slung carelessly across my chest, I started to consider the ramifications of what I'd done today. I could be in alot of trouble for the cop incident... but money and good lawyers could clean that up for me.

No, that wasn't the particular event of this evening that had me reeling at myself. What was really throwing me off was the way that I had just let the love of my life do something that I knew to be reckless and stupid. Not only had I _let _him, I'd fucking supplied him with the shit!

And now he would never be the same, never be quite so innocent and naive and pure as he had been hours ago.

All because of me.

* * *

_**I**_** felt guilty just for writing that! Drugs are bad.**


	33. Stand and Receive Your Judgment

_"Behind everything beautiful, there is some kind of pain." - Bob Dylan_

**Chapter Thirty Three - Stand and Receive Your Judgment**

I woke up to someone pounding on my door, and I wondered when people I knew would decide to stop fucking doing that to me. Luna was barking at the door like she had rabies, and Seth was oblivious to the ruckus happening around him.

I slipped out from his hold and trudged to the livingroom to see who had fucked my morning up.

Sammi burst in, waving envelopes in my face and talking to someone on the phone.

"I got your mail," she said, her cell pulled away from her mouth. She tossed it all on the arm of my sofa except for the largest, a manilla envelope which she handed to me. Then she gave me a big dumb thumbs up.

I swung the door shut and plopped down on the sofa, reading my mother's name on the back of the envelope. What could she had sent me?

It took about a half a second for it to dawn on me.

"AAAAAHHHHH!" I screamed as I jumped to my feet and grabbed Sammi from behind. She whirled around and bounced and yelled with me in excitement.

Seth appeared at the edge of the room then, looking at us curiously.

I tried to control my joy and sat down again, ripping the letter open. I pulled out tickets for: not one, not two, not three, but _four_ different stops on the tour that Black Dahlia was going to be headlining, _and _a straight four day pass for All Good.

Holding them in my hands was one of the most beautiful things I had ever witnessed.

"Whoa, _shit! _I thought it was just the All Good tickets. You're going to follow that Metal Blade tour, too?" Sammi sat down and made a whiny sound. "You are so fucking lucky! I thought I was going to get to ride out with you."

"Why wouldn't you now?"

"What am I supposed to do while you're doing that?"

"Umm, why don't you just bust some shit out all super-quick-like, make some cheese and come with? If you can make..." I thought for a moment, "Half, then I'll pay the rest. I would just do it for you, but I guess I've already got to get tickets for someone else."

Sammi and I both turned to look at Seth.

"Oh, I get to come too?" he asked, faking skepticism.

"Of course. That is, if you want to."

"I want to." He yawned and took two steps to sit down on the arm of the couch beside of me. He gave me a lazy kiss on the top of my head.

"Did you guys have fun last night?" Sammi asked. Seth and I both almost snapped our necks, we looked at her so fast. She'd meant the concert, but there were other happenings more fresh in our minds.

She looked back and forth between the two of us. "What?"

"Yeah..." I answered, trying to remember if I had even enjoyed the show. It seemed like it had happened weeks ago, not hours.

"Come on, you guys! What happened?" Sammi's big ass was thumping up and down on the cushion.

"Liz knocked a cop out," Seth accused.

Sammi's mouth dropped open and her eyes bugged out, then she started laughing her ass off. "No fucking way!" She kept laughing, holding onto her sides. "You know... it's really... not that surprising, though."

"Aw, thanks." I rolled my eyes at her.

"Oh, please Lizzy, don't play coy with me. That's not the first time you've committed assault on a police officer."

Seth got hysterical, but I tried to defend myself instantly. "Sweeney had it coming, trying to talk to me like I'm some kind of fucking slut that would ever go home with him! And those two state troopers kicked my god damn door down while I was sittin' on the couch smoking up! What was I supposed to do?"

"What were you smoking? PCP? A little crystal?" she joked.

"Ha. Ha," I replied dully. "I've never been charged with that particular offense, so that means I am innocent in accordance with the American judicial system," I stated matter-of-factly.

"Plehh," Sammi sighed as she leaned her back into the couch. "Fuck the judicial system, I hate that shit. I don't ever wanna get arrested again."

"Yeah, me neither!"

"Seth never has to worry about that," she snorted.

It reminded me of why I had a knot twisting up my stomach. Seth had never needed to worry about the law before, because he never did anything illegal; now he was commiting conspiracy and a whole flock of other bullshit just by being around me so much. And now I'd even let him actually try a drug that he'd probably never even considered doing before we met.

I was setting him up for failure. A fresh wave of guilt swept over me.

No one noticed my distress.

"So how did you guys get out of trouble?" Sammi asked.

I hadn't thought of how to explain that to someone without letting the cat out of the bag - or the wolves out of the forest - on Seth and his buddies.

"I just had to smooth it over with him. I told him she was really drunk and that I would drive her straight home, and he was nice enough to let us go."

I smiled at Seth; I loved a smooth talker. I was usually one, but throw in some fantasy stuff and my game gets off.

Sammi tossed one leg carelessly into my lap. "Is Ana going to be in Terra Alta?"

"Yep, she's coming. We have to stop and see Grandma while we're in..." I tapped my nails against my knee as I tried to put all my plans in order.

"Let's go the day before and see her. Otherwise, we're all going to be sweaty and dirty and disgusting, crashin' off dope and shit..."

"Yeah, I see what you mean. Last year I came and I was still tripping out and she fucking put me through the _ringer_ for it. 'What would your cousins think, seeing you like this Elizabeth? What if you hallucinate something horrible and hurt yourself or someone else? Oh, don't you laugh at me young lady!'." I immitated my grandmother's voice and demeanor to near perfection.

Sammi and Seth were chuckling at me.

"I fucking love Grandma!" Sammi giggled. She leaned up so she could see Seth. "Wait until you hear what she says when she wants to take your picture."

"What does she say?" Seth asked in confusion.

"Instead of 'Say cheese!' she's like, 'Say pussy!' She ends up with pictures of everyone looking like this." I made my face look shocked.

The three of us started roaring again. Today was going alot better than I would have expected after last night.

"Well, Miss Elizabeth... I do believe we had some plans for the day," Sammi said after we'd calmed down.

"Oh, yeah!" I brightened up as I remembered the shopping trip we were about to go on. Then I looked over at Seth, who was shifting around uncomfortably.

"Should I wait?" I asked him.

He looked up and smiled. "No, go ahead. I've got some stuff to keep me busy while you're gone."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah, of course." He shrugged nonchalantly. "Will you call me while you're out?"

"Yeah, of course," I mimicked. He gave me a hug as I stood up to get myself ready.

Four hours after we'd arrived, we exited our final store and headed for the parking area to find my car. We'd already had to make two trips out here just to unload all the things we'd bought. It had been a tiresome experience, but I loved blowing money on clothes and shoes and jewelry. It was my girlie side coming out to play.

We were on the highway when I started on a tangent that would have been better left unsaid.

"Seth did some blow last night," I stated, out of the blue.

Sammi's mouth popped open noisily. "No kidding," she murmured. "Did you give it to him?"

"Yeah. He asked first, but... I feel really bad."

"Why?" she asked, surprised again.

"Because, I'm corrupting my innocent little boyfriend," I told her in a joking tone, though I was being serious.

Sammi rolled her eyes. "He asked for it, there's nothing to feel bad about. If you hadn't given it to him, he would have just found it somewhere else. And at least with you, he's safe from getting ripped off or overdosing... You should be glad that it came from you instead of him gettin' it from some pusher out there."

I shook my head to disagree. "No, if I had told him not to do it then he wouldn't have. I just... I don't know..."

"Spit it out, bitch!" Sammi smacked me in the arm.

"It felt kind of good, in this really sick way... to see that he's not quite _that _much better than me. To see that he's human and makes mistakes like the rest of us. And I liked that as soon as he did it, he could never hold it over my head when I did."

The words coming out of my mouth were even harsher than in my head. I was going to hell for this one, for sure.

Sammi stared at me for a minute before a smile spread across her face. "Yep, you're right. You are sick," she said. Then she started laughing and yelled, "I'm just kidding, Liz!"

I didn't say anything, and she continued to stare at me.

"Lizzy, seriously. I was just joking, you're not a sick person. You're... well, not normal but you're just a person. Everybody does things they're not proud of and everybody thinks and feels things that they know are wrong. It doesn't make you a bad person, unless you give into that side of yourself too much."

"I'm on the verge of too much, if I haven't reached it yet. I don't understand what's wrong with me." I shook my head and - for just a second - I wanted to cry. I wanted to purge myself of the shame and guilt that was eating away, festering inside of me.

"Oh, Liz," Sammi said, her voice soft. It was wierd to me; unnatural, even. Sammi was not what you would ever think of as "soft".

She put her hand on my shoulder, and I could feel my features contorting with my discomfort. I hoped she didn't notice.

"I know you do things that maybe you shouldn't - Lord knows, I'm worse than you are - but you have time to make up for it. Guilt is the starting point, I guess..."

I grimaced. "Are you trying to comfort me, Samantha Lee Dawson?"

She quirked her eyebrow up at me. "Liz."

I laughed at her. "I've never seen this side of you before! And I thought that you weren't religious."

"Oh, I'm religious. Just not in the traditional sense."

"LaVeyan?" I asked. Anton LeVay was the founder of the Church of Satan, and Sammi seemed like the type of psycho that would eat that shit up.

"How'd you guess?"

I rolled my eyes. "Anyways, how could I make up for something like that?"

"Talk to Seth, maybe? You didn't technically do anything wrong."

"I did something immoral, and I feel like I hurt the love of my life," I argued.

"Sweetheart, it's a little late for you to be worrying about morals," she laughed.

I laughed and punched her in the arm, and when she reared back to pop me I yelled, "Don't hit the driver!"

"I still have morals. Most of the things that I do wrong only hurt me... hurt my body, or my mind or spirit. But to hurt Seth? The one person that I care most for?"

"You're not hurting him, he's doing it himself," she pointed out. "And what makes you think that doing one little line of coke is _hurting _him? He's a fully grown responsible adult. He can make competent decisions for himself. And nothing bad came of it." She crossed her arms over her chest as if she was finished proving a serious point to me.

"Getting high is the call of a desperate man..." I whispered. "The sick, the sad, the lethargic, the pained - "

"The _curious._ The first time you tried, why did you do it? Because you were all _sad _and _mopey?" _She balled her hands up and wiped at her eyes, mock crying.

I thought back to the first time I ever ingested some kind of chemical that was considered mood-altering. It was a loooooonnnnng way back to think about.

"Yeah, I see what you're saying. The beginning of everything's different - "

"Because it always starts out as a party."

"It just sucks when the party starts to become your life. What does all play and no work make you?"

"A crazy motherfucker, eventually," she giggled.

I shook my head, thinking about the life that I had left behind me. "Think about all the drunks that we know, Sammi. Think about all the ones that are _our _age that get the shakes if they don't have some whiskey, and all the really old people that barely have half their brains left."

"Yeah, how many times did we find George passed out somewhere on the side of the road?" she asked with a laugh.

We started reminiscing about home, all of our old friends and all the stupid things that we had all witnessed eachother doing. We talked about going to our hippie festival and tried to come up with some more solid plans, but plans didn't always work well with us. We did get some of our money situated out, at least. We both needed a good bit of cash to make our way through the giant throngs of other custies.

Of course, for me, being little and blonde haired and bright eyed, having a kind smile and knowing how to talk my way into anything always landed me with the people I needed to talk to to get what I needed while I was there. Hippies loved a pretty girl, and they _really _loved a pretty girl that was actually from West Virginia.

I had to take Sammi back home with me; her car was still waiting in my driveway. I helped her load her share of bags into the trunk of her beat-up Gremlin and then told her I would call her tomorrow and I would see her soon. She didn't come in, but told me to tell Seth that she said goodbye.

I felt a bit closer to her after sharing something so private with her today. Given that it wasn't something that I should have told her.

I really hoped she didn't go running her mouth about any of it.

I hugged her one last time before she shut her door and started backing away. I waved before I went back towards the trunk of my car to gather the bazillion things I had bought earlier.

"Hey."

Seth's voice startled me, and I tossed a bag with a shoebox inside at his head on accident. He caught it easily as I clutched at my chest.

"Sorry." He frowned.

"It's... okay." I waited for my heart to even out, and then I smiled at him. "How was your day, darling?" I asked, inconceivably pleased to see him. I didn't even realize how much I missed him until he was near me again.

He chuckled twice as he stepped forward to kiss my cheek tenderly. "It was boring. I would much rather spend my time with you." He put both arms around me and placed his hands on my back, not tight but in a soft caress.

I stepped further into his embrace and tickled his chin with the tips of my nails. "I don't know how you can stand it, being away from me for so long. I thought I might come home to find you in some sort of serious condition from lack of Liz kisses," I teased.

He started acting like he was choking. "Oh...no," he coughed out. "Must... have... kisses..."

I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him down as I got on my tip-toes. I captured his warm lips with mine, letting the heat spread through my whole body. I clawed at his scalp, trying to pull him closer and he let out a gasp of hot, sweet-tasting breath into my open mouth.

_Cinnamon buns. _He tasted like cinnamon buns.

He backed me up a step until my legs hit the back bumper of my car, and then he pushed one hand up through my hair, tugging it slightly by the roots. His lips were soft but demanding, like all of the hours apart had pent up and he was letting it loose on me now.

Not that I was complaining.

His lips got more and more gentle until he was through, ending our kiss with a long sigh and then a peck on the forehead.

"Missed you," he uttered.

"I missed you too," I replied, still out of breath.

"So," he said, all cheery now. "That's alot of stuff you got. I can get it all in one trip, but you're probably going to have to load me up yourself," he offered.

"Okay." I started linking bag-holes up his arms, then sitting things in the crooks of them. The pile stopped right at his nose, and that was with me carrying my own armload. I led the way up the walk and into the house after unlocking the door.

I tossed my things onto the love seat and started taking the bags from Seth and piling them up as well. I would go through it all later and put it away in my closet, but I was totally wiped out right now from all of the shopping.

I went to my room and Seth followed, and I plopped down, laying out on the bed. I kicked my shoes off into the floor, then undid my jeans and took them off as well, leaving me in a tank and a pair of boy-shorts.

Seth sat down on the edge of the bed. "You look so beautiful," he said, his eyes and voice full of devotion and adoration for yours truly. "Do your feet hurt?"

"Ugh, they're killing me," I groaned.

He picked up one foot gingerly and placed it into his lap. He started rubbing out the sore spots, massaging away the beating I'd put it through today.

"Mmmm, that feels good," I said, content. He picked up my other foot and started massaging them both at the same time.

A few little moans kept escaping through my lips without my permission, but I wasn't going to let that ruin the experience. Seth's hands were doing magic to the soreness in my feet.

"You like that, baby?" He whispered after he'd been working for a few quiet minutes.

"Unn, yes," I managed to say without sounding too overtly sexual. Although...

"Should we do some more coke?" Seth asked, and it was crushing.

Like waking up from a blissful dream, or admiring yourself just before your mirror shatters.

My hormones went from pumping hard to falling asleep in a matter of seconds.

"Liz?" Seth asked uncomfortably when I hadn't moved or spoken. "Did I say something wrong?"

"I kind of thought that was just a one time thing," I muttered.

"Do you not want me to do it?"

"I won't tell you what to do. What I really want is... I guess, more for you to not _want _to do it." I squeezed my eyes together tightly, because that was a dumb thing to say. Tell someone to just not want something?

Um, forbidden fruit, anyone?

"Oh."

I waited.

And waited.

He wasn't going to say more.

"I feel like I'm leading you down a path of... sin and immorality. And putting you in harm's way."

He actually _scoffed _at me. "That's what bothers you? Liz, there's nothing to worry about with me. I'm not trying to make it some habit or anything. I just liked the way I felt last night."

I side-stepped the explanation that I'd given to Sammi earlier about why it was wrong of me to do what I did and picked a sub-topic. "Why did you think it bothered me?"

He laughed once, nervously. "Well, I... I kind of thought you just didn't want to share with me."

I giggled and kicked him lightly in the arm. "You doofus, you know money ain't a thang to me."

"You of all people should know that so long as you exercise control and are responsible, then there's no harm."

"Control is a fickle motherfucker, Seth," I warned. "I threw that notion out the window years ago. It can be a whole lot easier to go overboard than to keep yourself in check sometimes." I sat up and crawled into his lap, kissing him quickly on the lips.

"I'm not going to put any rules or restrictions on you; that's not the type of girlfriend that I am. If you want to try something, I'm not going to tell you that you can't, even if I tell you that you shouldn't. Now, if you want to try something that's _mine, _then of course I can refuse to give it to you... but then if you find whatever somewhere else, that falls outside of my jurisdiction."

"So, what you're saying is?"

"No cocaine tonight. Not mine, anyways. Maybe tomorrow or maybe someday farther down the road." Or never, preferably.

"You said you're not giving me any rules whatsoever. What if I told you I was going to go smoke some crack or something?" he asked as a joke.

I thought it over for a moment. "What would you do if I was going to?"

"I guess go find this hypothetical crack dealer and knock him out."

A slow smile spread across my face. "Same here."

Seth laid down with me and we lounged around for an hour or so before I got up and made us some dinner. We sat in the livingroom, eating steak and watching a funny stoner movie. Seth mentioned he wanted to try smoking pot, and I cringed internally; I was creating a monster.

We drank a couple of glasses of wine that I had brought from a local vineyard back home, and that got us nice and giggly. I got excited about showing him the new things that I'd purchased earlier, and I ended up with a livingroom that could pass as a tornado recovery scene. Seth picked up most of my things and put them neatly back into their bags and boxes as I washed the makeup from my face and brushed my teeth for bed.

I turned the lights out and sank into Seth's awaiting embrace, drifting away into dreams of head-banging crowds and peacefully dancing hippies.

_Seven weeks..._


	34. Underneath Everything

**A/N: This is a part of a review from scrapalicious:**

"Unconditional love is perfect and what we all pray for in the dark. I get why she's upset and I get why he wanted to try. Sharing ourselves completely isn't always pretty or right. All we can do is wait and see where this road takes us."

**Couldn't have said it better myself =) Thanks, girl.  
And thank you to everyone that reads and reviews, it means more to me than you know.**

* * *

**Chapter Thirty Four - Underneath Everything**

"I'd really like to know."

"Well, that's just too bad for you then, isn't it?"

I don't know how we got on this topic of conversation, but it was making me uncomfortable.

"I bet I could guess," Josh tried once more.

Why wasn't Seth saving me? I looked across the room where he was sitting on a ratty old sofa, getting his ass handed to him on the 360. I tried to send him some brain waves of distress or something; he'd said we were connected, it had to be good for something.

Josh had been eyeing me the whole time, his eyes raking over my body piece by piece.

"Black... Bikini cut?" He shook his head. "Not with that dress. Thong. Lace."

I was surprised to hear him actually nail down exactly the type and color of panties I was wearing right now. "What'd you do? Watch me get dressed this morning?"

"Actually, I kind of did."

He quirked an eyebrow at me and I felt heat coming up from my toes and stopping at my forehead.

"_Seth!" _I yelled, my free hand balled into a fist. I was making a conscience effort not to crush the plastic cup in my other hand.

Everyone's attention snapped to me when Seth's did. He dropped the controller at his feet and crossed the room as quickly as possible, halting when his hands were already on my face.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his voice filled with concern.

"Outside," I managed through my teeth. I took his hand and tugged him through the back of Collin and Brady's little bachelor pad, sloshing beer on myself along the way.

"Baby, tell me what I did," he pleaded the second the door was shut.

"_They,_" I said, pointing back towards the house. "Have seen parts of me that they were not supposed to see!" I hissed in a whisper. I was sure they could still hear me no matter how low I talked right here, but it still felt too private to just throw it out there.

Seth blushed. "Oh." He looked away awkwardly and wrapped his hands behind his back. "That."

"Yes, that," I repeated harshly. "I thought you wolves were supposed to be all super protective and shit."

"I didn't do it on purpose!" he yelled, hands up in defense - as usual. "It was just a tiny little slip, only two of the guys saw it!"

"Oh."

Seth started laughing. "Did you really think I did it on purpose?"

"It didn't occur to me that you couldn't control everything you let them see." I crossed my arms though I wasn't mad anymore; I didn't like that he was laughing at me. It made me feel stupid.

"Whoa, I never told you that before? That's the worst part... They see everything, almost, especially the first year or two when we don't know how to hide any of it. It got easier over the years but we all still slip and let out some horrifying secret every now and then."

I giggled at him, my mood shift complete. "Well, at least I'm not one of those."

"Yeah," he laughed. "I should have warned you, I actually forgot that it had happened. They only got a little flash of skin before I checked myself." He paused for a second, smiling as his eyes drank me in. "I almost slipped again on purpose, just to show you off."

"Seth!" I pushed lightly at his chest. This is what we had, what we were best at: playing and laughing and loving. It was different, and beautiful.

"Want me to go beat up Josh for bringing it up?" Seth asked, his eyes bright with the idea. The only reason Josh still had a face intact was because I kept Seth off his tail. I wasn't sure why I didn't want them fighting, but I figured any good instincts that I had should be listened to.

"No. But you're really cute when you're mad." I reached up and pinched his cheek.

"You're cute always," he said, smirking. He grabbed me up so fast that I didn't realize what was happening, and he planted his soft, warm lips against mine. My fingers were in his hair and my feet were dangling and all I could feel was Seth up against me, Seth's lips, Seth's hands, Seth's pounding heart...

He set me back down on the porch and stepped back from me in one quick movement.

I felt my face crumple. "Wha-"

"Pizza's here," he said softly, cutting me off. He reached out and took my hand, then started walking me back inside. He gave me one soft peck on the top of the head as I ducked under his arm to get through the door, but it didn't feel so genuine.

I stopped moving for just a second to clear my thoughts out. I was always jumping to conclusions with people, and I had no reason to now. I didn't need to question whether or not I should trust Seth.

I scooted in beside of my man on the long seat bench, and Josh thumped himself down and scooted towards me before giving anyone else the chance to. He had left me alone for the most part since I made it clear I was not interested, but he was fully back on it today. I think maybe he just liked to piss Seth off.

I was handed two slices of pizza before it began - I'd seen Seth put some food away before, but these guys were literally just _inhaling _the shit! It was, quite literally, like watching a hungry pack of wolves.

Except they didn't have to take the wild pizza down before they ate it.

I nibbled at my food, wishing that I was on the outside edge of the bench so that I could step away from what was going down around me. Instead, I was being squished between two hulking men that seemed to have all but forgotten that I was even here. I was starting to suffocate from the heat and lack of oxygen, so I started pushing Josh down the seat. He didn't notice until I started using my feet.

"'Ay!" he said, his mouth completely stuffed full of chewed up, slobbery food.

"Let me out!" I yelled, willing myself not to finish off with, "Asshole!"

"'K, geez." He slid down and stood up, leaning just slightly over his plate of food in a protective way.

I started scooting my butt towards him when Seth snatched my wrist.

"Where are you going?" He actually had the decency to swallow his food before he spoke.

"I don't want in this mess," I answered, my eyes roaming over the feasting men. "I'll go stand over there."

I got the rest of the way up and Josh took my place, pulling me back down to sit.

"Just stay on the edge so you're not in the middle," he suggested.

I sighed and put my elbow on the table, leaning my head into my hand. I picked at my food a bit more, totally uninterested in it.

"Hey Liz, have you wrote anything new?" Josh asked when he appeared to be done eating.

His question kind of surprised me. "Not much... not near as much as usual, at least."

"Learned to play anything new?"

"No." I felt disappointed in myself, realizing that I hadn't done anything musical... at all. Not since I'd been spending so much time teaching Seth to play, and that was all stuff that I already knew.

He cleared his throat out. "I just learned Belong To It and Uplift, and Underneath Everything."

I couldn't help but smile. " Pantera and Down?"

He nodded yes.

"Down is some of the first stuff I learned on, because Pantera's riffs were too hard but I was all into Phil Anselmo." I shrugged my shoulders. "Still am, I guess. He's a musical genius."

"How long has Down been out? I just got NOLA about two weeks ago."

A tiny laugh escaped my throat. "That album came out in nineteen ninety five! He was doing that when Pantera was huge."

"I haven't even listened to it all the way through yet. What are the best songs on it?"

"Stone the Crow and Hail the Leaf are my favorites, but the whole thing is great. Have you heard of Superjoint?"

"No."

My mouth dropped open. "Are you fucking kidding me? You better go to a record store and get to learning, or get on the internet or something. I've never heard such blasphemy!"

"Is that Phil, too?"

"Yeah... Phil Anselmo and motherfucking Hank 3 on bass..." I got all starry-eyed, which never happened until it came to something beyond my understanding, like Gods of music.

"Hank 3?" I barely registered Josh asking. His lack of variety was a huge blow to the fact that he actually liked good music, and it unnerved me. How had he lived this way, playing guitar and not even knowing of all the greats?

"I'll make you some CD's, okay? You are in serious need of them."

"Cool."

"Liz, let's go for a walk," Seth said suddenly from behind Josh. I'd been so wrapped into the conversation that I hadn't thought about the fact that I probably shouldn't be talking to Josh very much, especially not here in front of everyone else.

If anyone understood ego, it was me.

I leaned forward and smiled at my gorgeous, sexy piece of manliness. "Okay, baby, " I answered sweetly.

* * *

**Seth's PoV**

I kept a tight hold on her tiny hand, afraid that if I loosened up she would somehow slip away.

The past week or so had been amazing between Liz and I. We hadn't done much more than relax and make love or art, but almost every second had been nothing short of perfection. When we were alone together, the whole world fell away; there were no worries and no cares, except our care for one another. We went to a place that could only be achieved by something magic, something that existed beyond the parameters of what is allowed on this earth.

If I could just find a way to cut out the bad parts, I would still be care and worry free, walking along the shorline with her now.

Sammi had been getting more aggressive towards me, no matter how many times or ways I turned her down. She just could not seem to get it through her head that I only wanted Liz, and she would never have an icicle's chance in hell doing anything with me.

It wasn't so much her behavior that was bothering me at this point; No, this horrible feeling in my gut was caused by my own inaction.

I knew I should have told Liz as soon as it happened that first time at the bar, but I let it slide that time and I've let it slide ever since, too scared of her reaction once she found out. She'd have my ass for not being honest, and Lord help Sammi if Liz got her hands on her.

My baby girl had a violent streak in her that blazed hotter than anything if you set fire to it. I was starting to get worried that Sammi wouldn't live to see her twenty-first birthday.

I'd been guilty for a while now, but nothing topped the way that I felt after what happened a few days ago: Liz got in the shower, leaving me alone with Sammi. I had tried to stall her and then tried talking her into letting me hop in there with her, but she'd giggled her way into the bathroom by herself and I knew what was probably coming next.

Sammi had made a few lewd comments, trying to look at me in a way that she must have thought was attractive, though it seemed to me like she had something stuck in her eye. This part was usually followed by her flat-out making me a sexual offer, but this time she played it a little different.

"You don't mind if I smoke, do you?" she had asked me, pipe in hand.

"No." I tried to say as little as possible to her these days.

"Do you want some?" Her voice had that fake sweetness to it, something that Liz had somehow made genuine for herself. Liz was a much better actress; I never picked out a hint of falseness if she was trying hard enough.

"No," I repeated. I picked up the DVD remote and started picking through the list of music videos on the special features menu.

She lit up, then started laughing. "Did Lizzy-poo ever tell you how we met?"

"No."

"Well, that's a boring story, but when we started hanging out for the first time..."

She was hanging the bait. Dangling it there, waiting, waiting...

"What happened?" I finally caved, mentally hitting myself. It felt like a bad idea from the start.

She locked eyes with me, smirking. "It was totally crazy... we ended up really drunk and had a three-some with this guy."

...

I felt like she'd just punched me in the gut - with a wrecking ball, because that's one of the few things I would actually feel.

I wanted to puke.

Sammi let out a small laugh, an evil and menacing sound. "That's not even the best part! Guess who the guy was?"

She didn't wait for me to answer.

She pointed at the television screen. "Trevor!" she said excitedly, but not loud enough for Liz to hear her from down the hall.

My head snapped up, and my finger immediately hit the pause button, freezing the picture on the screen. Sammi leaned forward further to specify who exactly she was pointing at - the singer.

_The singer._

I heard something crackling into tiny pieces and then raining down onto the wooden floor, but I didn't realize it was my hand crushing the remote until I started growling in the back of my throat and seeing red.

"Um, Seth?" Sammi asked, her voice quavering in fear.

I took a few minutes - not seconds, minutes - to calm down, and then I was still mad enough to kill but cooled off enough to not break anything. Like the television, for instance.

I never could describe what it felt like to stare at a picture of another man and imagine him invading the girl that was the only reason I was alive.

"This guy?" I finally said, clenching my jaw as hard as I could without busting all of my teeth.

"Why do you think she's so excited about following that tour through four states? They're playing the same show _every night."_

I started rubbing my temples, because if I didn't relax long enough to get out of here then it wasn't going to be pretty.

"She's... going..."

_In through the nose. Out through the mouth. In through the nose. Out through the mouth._

"To see... that... PRICK!" I roared the last word and stood up in the same instant, knowing I had better leave now. I crossed the room in two giant steps and spun on my heel, looking back at Sammi with an expression that must have terrified her.

"When I find him, I'm going to disembowel him and make him drink his own blood." I turned back and started making it out of the house. "That's the shit he likes to sing about, let's see how he really likes it happening!"

It took me about twenty minutes to convince myself that I had to go back, had to push my anger aside and pretend like everything was okay.

This turned out to be yet another mistake.

Liz hadn't thought anything strange about me being gone when she got out of the shower, and the day had went on like everything was still wonderful. I have no idea how I held it together all day and night without Liz noticing anything off, but somehow that's what I did.

I kept it up until about five the next evening; Liz had been dying for some McDonald's, and I was dying for some information, so she left me there at the house while she went out to get her food.

I knew my time was pretty limited, so I had to find as much as possible while she was out. I had intentionally put her phone on charge without telling her, and that was the first thing that I'd went through. I checked all the calls, all the texts, even the pictures and contacts... but there was nothing that was wrong with any of it. She had calls and texts from other guys, but I knew or knew-of them all, and she hadn't texted anything that was inappropriate.

So, next I went for her computer. She had a laptop and she was the only one that ever used it, so all of her accounts stayed logged in for weeks at a time. I could get straight into her e-mail and anything else without having to know how to hack anything.

I lifted the screen up and, sure enough, everything was up and ready for me to peek into. I didn't have time to read every single message she'd sent or received, so I went through the list and picked out the ones that were addressed to guys or any nicknames that might be guys.

I was getting tired of reading all the same stuff over and over, innocent things that were just being said between friends... when I thought I'd finally found what I was looking for.

Fifty three pages deep, I saw messages back and forth between all three of them. Trevor, Sammi, Liz.

I hesitated, then decided to find the beginning of the conversations. It would be easier to follow then.

I went back, a few months worth of messaging, then started to pry into my love's life.

What I found was that, either they had not discussed that situation on here at all... or that it had never happened in the first place. They had talked almost every day for months, but not once did either one of them step outside the bounds of a business-like friendship.

The picture in my head of them together got askewed, then started fading away.

It was clear that Sammi had lied to me. And now I'd invaded Liz's personal space...

I could hear her car pulling up then, and I'd snapped the computer shut and went into the livingroom, smiling when she came in like I always did.

But the guilt had been eating away at me more and more with each moment that had passed, and it was getting harder to not let it show through. It had been four days now since I had seen Sammi, and I needed to keep it up. If I saw her, I might really hurt her.

I was getting to the point that I wanted to tell Liz what I'd done, but I wasn't sure if purging myself of guilt and ruining her trust in me was what needed to happen.

It took me a second to realize we weren't moving anymore.

"Seth, it's been twenty minutes and you haven't said a single word to me."

I tried to meet her gaze, but she jerked her eyes away from mine. "Did I do something wrong?" she whispered, and I'd never felt so low in my life.

I was a disappointment.

"No, no," I whispered back, reaching out for her. I just wanted to comfort her, but she stepped back and out of my reach.

"Tell me what I did," she demanded, her voice sharp. "You haven't wanted to kiss or touch or... You've barely even looked at me in days. Tell me what's wrong with me."

"There's nothing _wrong _with you, except that you would even ask that. It's... it's..."

The truth, or a lie?

"I did something really really stupid, and you're going to get mad when I tell you, but I looked through all of your e-mails," I blurted out in one breath.

It felt good to get the whole thing off of my chest... until I saw the look on her face.

She recoiled from me, surprised and hurt, then seething with anger. Her eyes welled up with tears as they were fixed on my face, but she quickly averted her gaze, then turned away from me completely.

She started to walk away from me, and the image was like a punch to the lung.

I reached out and grabbed her wrist, rougher than either one of us liked. "Liz, wait!"

"No, _you _wait!" she snapped back angrily, spitting the words at me.

Instead of putting more distance between us - as I fully expected her to do - she spun back towards me, into me, wrapping me up in her thin arms and her warm scent. She hid her face in my chest as she sobbed quietly.

I was so shocked that I didn't even react to her at first; she'd never seemed so... dependant on me. On _anything. _Especially not for comfort.

My brain reconnected to my body and I pulled her close to me, stroking her hair and back as I murmured soft "Shhhh's" in her ear. It didn't take long for me to calm her down, and then she started swiping away at the tears that had streaked down her face.

She looked so brilliant in that second - eyes red, lips puffy, hair sticking to her face from the wetness the tears had left behind them - so pure, and vulnerable. And, though I enjoyed her letting me in that much more, it had come at a terrible cost.

How would she ever trust me again?

"Elizabeth," I said firmly, lifting her face up with both of my hands so that her eyes could not escape mine. "I am _so _sorry. I can't even... I don't understand..."

How did I explain myself? Where could I even begin...

"Why don't you trust me, Seth?" she whispered, her breath beginning to shake in and out of her. "I can understand people being a bit stand-offish, but to go so far as to search my things?... It doesn't make sense." She nodded her head, a few drops of moisture leaking from the sides of her beautiful eyes. Each one was like a slice to my already aching heart.

"What have I done to make you distrust me to that extent?"

She looked up at me, and I knew then that a lie would not work at all this time; no one had ever seen this much of me in my life. I could see it all there, myself reflected back at me by the most clear blue gaze I'd ever encountered, and if I said anything besides what was the truth, she would know it instantly.

I swallowed and averted my gaze, looking around nervously.

"Someone told me something about you... and it got me freaked out."

The anger in her eyes returned with a ferocious intensity, and for a second I was scared for Sammi. I had only considered my own rage towards her - I had a feeling that I was not even capable of the hatred that Liz could produce when someone crossed her.

Liz regained her composure, putting her mask firmly in place. "Who told you?"

I wasn't fooled by the calmness of her voice or the serenity that showed on her face, because it was all written right there in her eyes. She was on the verge of going ballistic, and I sincerely prayed to God that I was not on the receiving end of whatever she did.

"It... it... was Sammi," I finally was able to say.

She was careful to not let her expression shift, though the intensity in her eyes flared once more. "And she said...?"

I let out a long, loud puff of air, wishing I could fast forward through this entire situation and move on to the next time we were going to be normal towards eachother again.

Unfortunately, this was real life and not an Adam Sandler movie.

"She told me some stupid story about you and her having..." I could not force the word out of my mouth. "Ya know. With one guy... at the same time." I played with an invisible string on the edge of my shirt. "And she said that the guy was in one of your favorite bands... one of the bands that you were really excited about going to see here in a couple of weeks."

I finally swallowed and willed myself to stop hiding my eyes like the coward that I was. "She made it seem like you wanted to go see this band so that you could, like, I dunno... hook up with him or something."

Liz's expression went vacant for a moment, and then she untangled herself from around my body. She stared off into space, and the anticipation of her reaction had me shivering. She said nothing as she turned and started to walk away again.

"Liz, please - "

"Come home later," she breathed, her voice distant. "I just want a little time... Come home later," she repeated, her mind obviously somewhere far away.

She finally snapped her eyes away from the sky and looked at me. "Don't be worried."

"But... I, I..."

Her eyes searched my face, and some kind of understanding dawned on her gorgeous, perfect features. She reached out and ran her fingers, softly, slowly, from my temple to my jaw. I shivered at her touch and leaned my face into her hand. My eyes fluttered shut and my body relaxed with contentment when I felt her lips press to mine for a short moment.

"Underneath everything that will ever stand in between us, I always love you Seth. Now, and forever," she murmured softly, her breath fanning out over my face. "I just need to clear my mind, okay?"

I felt my head nodding in agreement, too at ease from her touch and the softness in her voice to actually think of her leaving me right now, but much, much too frightened of what the consequences would be if I argued this with her. If she needed some time then I would give it to her - I just hoped it didn't kill me to do so.

"Tonight?" I asked, already feeling the dull ache that her absence caused inside of my chest.

"We can talk then," she said with a nod. "I love you."

She spun away from me and started stalking towards her car, her stride not as slow or as casual as normal.

I wanted to believe what she'd said about always loving me, and I wanted to believe that this was not the blow to our relationship that I had presumed it to be.

I wanted to believe, but my hope was starting to fade and my heart was starting to race.

_Oh, God, what have I done?_

* * *

**(Liz's PoV)**

_Today was completely FUCKED!_

I listened to the rain pelting against my window, sore from being curled up in this same position for so many hours now. Luna was resting peacefully near my feet, long ago having given up her soft nudges and whimpers. I don't know how she could read my emotions like that, but it was comforting in a way.

I was pretty much... just lost. I had been betrayed by so many over the years, people that I had trusted and cared for more than people I considered enemies before the fact.

What was it about me that made my friends want to tear me down so badly?

I just couldn't understand it; I couldn't fathom why in the hell Sammi would tell such a blatant lie about me. What the fuck had I ever done to that cunt?

It seemed pretty clear to me that Seth was central to this situation. Otherwise, she would have tried some different angle, and this lead me to believe that she had a crush on him or something. The thought of them together had me grinding my teeth together, balling my fists up and plotting murder, but I had enough faith in Seth's love for me to dispell that thought.

Angry as I was at her, I couldn't _totally _blame her for feeling jealous; Seth was the type of man that other women covet, especially when he has a girlfriend already that he's amazing to. I remember times in my life that I wanted to glare at happy couples that I saw.

But, and this is a big but, just like Sammi's flabby ass... Not a thing in this world could excuse that stupid fucking slimey whore for what she did by lying on me like that. I _trusted _her, and she... she... LIED! To the most important person in the world to me, to the whole reason I was here and whole and happy.

Luna whimpered and I shushed her. I kept my feelings in check enough when I was around any other humans, and I wasn't about to start keeping my guard up when I was alone with my dog.

I sighed and started running through the endless questions that had been repeating themselves in my head all day, like a shitty record caught on a loop. Most of the time, when I felt this overwhelmed... I just made myself _stop_ by changing my mood up with a little help from one of my sneaky chemical friends.

Today, for some reason, I just wanted to feel it all out until I figured out what I really needed to do. If I got drunk or something, I would end up doing something irrational or stupid, and I wasn't in the mood for either.

In all honesty, as pissed off as I was at Seth right now for invading my personal space, all I wanted was to see him. I wanted him to come and push the dog from the bed and lay beside of me, pull my body to fit perfectly alongside his, share his warmth with me and tell me that none of that shit had actually happened.

Every time I reached for the phone, my irritation at him grew, and I knew that if he came right then I would blow up at him. Keeping my temper in check on a daily basis was difficult on its own, it would be ridiculous to consider that I could do it in this type of mood. I had told him tonight, but the sky was settling into an almost-black now and I wasn't ready to see him just yet.

I sighed as I rolled over, and then I froze, my eyes locked on my laptop which was resting on the desk beside of my small television. I puffed out a quick, exasperated breath and got to my feet lithely. I opened up the computer and started looking through messages, some as far back as four years ago. I never messed around with any guy in any famous band in my entire life, but I wasn't sure what other types of things Seth may have found when looking through these.

I silently cursed myself for not having changed my e-mail address in so long.

Looking through all of them had me getting more upset, so I just started deleting page after page instead. If someone wanted to look through my life, let them find nothing instead of this cacophony of built up information that could somehow be turned and used against me.

When the final messages were gone and my inbox number was down to zero, I changed my passwords to every account and made sure that they were all neatly logged out of. I didn't need to worry when I had to leave Seth here by himself... though I wasn't sure when the next time I would be doing that was.

I shoved the screen down hard on my laptop, hard enough that I may have broken something but I was beyond caring. I curled my knees up into my chest and started to sob again, feeling too much negativity filling up the empty spaces inside of me. If I was only mad at Sammi then I would just go and kick her ass; If I was just mad at Seth, I would make him pay for this situation dearly.

But I was just as mad at myself as I was at either of them, and I couldn't do much more damage to my own self than was already done. I put myself into another stupid relationship with someone that didn't deserve any of my time at all, and I'd done enough wrong that when she said something about me that should seem like total horse shit, people actually fucking _listened _and thought true of her words. I was paying for mistakes that I hadn't even made, plus all the ones that I had.

There was alot of blame to be handed out now, and I wasn't sure who was getting the worst of it yet.

I huffed as I stretched back out, falling backwards until my head hit, bounced, then hit the pillow again. I was starting to wish that I had gone ahead and drank my cares away, and fuck all the shit that I would have ruined by doing so. I wasn't going to be able to keep any of the good stuff going for long anyways, might as well ride it all down to hell where I belonged.

My phone started ringing out the chorus part of This Love, so I knew that it was Seth. I stared at it until it stopped blinking and vibrating, then I let out a long sigh. I wished that it was time to talk, but I just still wasn't ready. I didn't need to make this any worse than it already was.

My eyelids started getting heavy and I didn't want to fight the sleep. I wanted to escape into my sub-conscience and allow all of this to melt away from me... I slowly started to sink away to different thoughts, no worries, and a peacefulness that had forever eluded me while I was awake.


	35. Drug Your Love

**Chapter Thirty Five - Drug Your Love**

The first time I woke, it was because a bout of thunder was rocking my house, and it was merely four in the morning. I got up then and sat around for a little while, too bored with my own self to keep it up for long. I had to get back to sleep, so I ate an Ambien and laid back down, glad that I would have eight more hours to post-pone life.

I woke again, suddenly, at noon, feeling more clear headed and energetic than I had for a few days. The rain from last night had passed and the sun was dazzling brilliantly in the hazy sky.

I checked my phone on the way outside, assuming I would find a billion more missed calls from Seth, but there was just the one from last night. I wonder how long he'd stayed in the woods close to my house waiting on me to call for him to come home.

I stretched out while I smoked a cigarette on my back porch, relishing in the cold wood beneath my feet and the hot sun beating down on my limbs. I had my cell in my hands, and it started ringing Seth's ring tone again... so he was probably close enough to see me right now.

Wierd!

I still wasn't ready. I hit the ignore button, waited for the call to end and sent him a text telling him that I was sorry, but he could wait a few more hours.

I went back in and decided that I wasn't going to allow yesterday's drama to ruin today for me; I was going to find something - by myself - to do for fun. And since the point of this was to make me happy, I was going to spend as long as I wanted to bathe and pamper myself.

So that's what I did: I showered, shaved, waxed, exfoliated, moisturized, styled, and coifed every piece of myself. My hair and skin were shiny and soft and beautiful, my fingers and toes were ended in a shimmery watermelon pink, my teeth were bright white and my makeup looked like it came straight out of a movie.

I even took one of my throw-away tee's and turned it into a fucking masterpiece.

I wasn't a spa girl, but this type of special treatment was a weakness for me, even if I was giving it to myself.

When I was finally satisfied with the way all of me looked, I took the discs I'd made earlier and headed out, curious as to if I would be followed or not. I assumed that I was.

I drove for fifteen minutes or so, stopping in front of an old, shabby looking house that I'd only been to once before. I cut the engine and made my way onto the porch, ready to knock until the door opened first.

"Liz!"

Josh seemed pretty surprised to see me, and it made me feel more nervous for being here.

"Do you want to come in?" he asked, moving aside.

"Um, no thanks. I just wanted to drop these off for you." I held out my hand and the stack of CD's towards him.

"Wow," he breathed as he took them. He started going through the titles, reading each one. "Overkill?"

"Eighties' thrash band. You might like 'em."

Josh smirked as he kept reading through. "Townes Van Zandt?"

"Old-school folk. He's one of my favorite writers."

He pulled that one from the middle and placed it at the top of the pile. "I'll listen to that one first, then," he mumbled.

He read off a few more names that he didn't recognize, and I described each one to him. He looked honestly, genuinely pleased that I'd gone through the trouble of making all of them for him.

"This is really awesome," he said to me again. "Are you sure that you don't want to come in?"

"I don't think Seth would like that," I said.

"He's not out there, is he?" Josh pointed down the little hill towards my car.

"No, but I'd bet he's out _there,_" I said, motioning to the woods that were across the dirt road behind me. "Not that it would matter if he weren't, it's still disrespectful. But, I'd bet he's listening to us right now."

Josh sniffed at the air, then shrugged his shoulders. "Dunno," he said. "My senses aren't as strong in this form. Hey!" he said suddenly, excited. "Isn't it so cool that you know all the secrets around here? I know I've been dying for someone outside of us to get in on it."

I considered for a moment. "Yeah, I'm glad I get to know all the cool stuff, all the special things about you guys. Honestly, I don't see how you guys can keep it secret at all. Anyone can look at you and tell you are more than human."

He waved a hand dismissively. "People only see what they want to see, no more and no less. The farthest they get with us is, 'Wow, they're really tall!'. Vampires walk amongst humans and get treated like they just stepped off a runway, not like someone that would love to rip your throat out."

I snorted. "Looks can be deceiving," I reminded him.

"Yeah, you'd know, huh? Miss sweet and innocent," he chuckled.

"I am sweet," I told him. "And innocence is a matter of opinion."

* * *

**(Seth's PoV)**

I watched Josh openly ogle my girlfriend, laughing and joking with her as she laughed and joked with him. It was driving me fucking insane - and this was right on top of not knowing where I stood now with her.

I was on the verge of ripping my hair out.

I don't know what she had done differently today, but she looked _incredibly _hot. And I wasn't the only one who noticed.

"Where did you get that shirt?" Josh asked, quirking an eyebrow in mock curiosity.

"I got it a few years back at the Salvation Army." Liz turned around to show him the back of the shirt, which had been cut and tied together in five different sections, the highest being around her neck. The shirt was almost backless and tied to fit her body exactly, so she wasn't wearing anything underneath it.

"It was too big, so I had to reconstruct."

"That is bad ass," Josh said, looking like he wanted to reach out and untie all the strings holding her top on. "I'da never pegged you for a Beatles fan."

"I love all the classics," Liz replied. Her eyes cast reflexively back to her car. "I have to go," she said without delay.

"Seth waiting?"

I growled and I saw the corner of his lip twitch upwards.

"I, uh, have to call him," Liz answered, a bit anxious.

Josh smiled at her. "I really wish you'd stay a while longer."

"Sorry," Liz said without a hint of actual apology to her voice. "I'll see you around," she finished with a shrug before turning away from him.

"Later!" They called to eachother as she went back to her car. Josh cocked his head to the side to get the best possible view of her wide hips and full ass swinging as she moved farther away from him.

At least she got away from that scumbag. He'd had a fucking field day with that little memory of Liz in her undies that had popped into my head the other day. He replayed it in his head, building fantasies and scenarios and he didn't bother to hide it a single bit.

I watched Liz drive down the road, then turned and started running back towards her house through the cover of the forest. I tried not to rush myself, because once I made it there it was just another series of waiting games.

As soon as I reached the bag of things I had stashed in the hollow trunk of a giant pine behind of Liz's house, my phone started to go off. I phased back to a form with hands and smiled widely when I dug the cell out of my backpack.

"Baby," I breathed into the receiver.

"Hey," she greeted me coolly. "Are you busy?"

"No."

"Want to come over?" She asked as if she actually thought I might say no.

"Give me two minutes."

"Okay..." She hesitated for a second or two. "I love you."

"Love you too, Elizabeth."

"Bye." She hung up the phone, and I started putting my clothes on as slow as humanly possible. I know she knew I hung around here when I wasn't inside with her, but I don't think she realized quite how much. I didn't want to give myself away by preceeding my two minute mark.

I twiddled my thumbs, anxious and irritated. Each second was passing by excruciatingly slow. When my time was finally up, I shot up to the back door like a bullet.

I twisted the knob and walked in, clicking the lock after shutting the door. I could smell Liz everywhere, her scent clean and vibrant. I could hear her calm, healthy heartbeat, and I could just barely make out the soft in and out of her breath.

I followed all my senses into her bedroom, where she was sitting on the edge of the bed. I froze just inside of the room, and she stared at me.

I was waiting for her to launch her attack... but she remained silent.

I slowly crossed the room and sat down beside of her. She stared at me, a brilliant mix of things swirling behind her bright eyes.

I waited so long that I began to sweat from the nerves when she launched herself at me.

She knocked me to the mattress, her mouth connecting with mine violently. She held herself back just a bit, because I was no longer breathing.

"Liz!" I gasped. She leaned away, waiting patiently as I caught my breath. "I thought you were - " I finally started to say when her lips cut me off.

The sweet smell of cherry pie was _everywhere, _floating around me and into me; I could taste her on the tip of my tongue. She moaned softly, ran her fingers through my hair and parted her lips just enough for me to have access to what was inside.

I was _losing _it; I was so caught up that I almost forgot what was going on.

I tried as hard as I could to remove my hands from where they were currently possitioned on her ass, then finally I was able to pull my face back a half inch from hers.

"Baby, what's going on?" I murmured, willing myself to just let the words out. It was _hard... _in more ways than one.

"Nothing." She shrugged her shoulders and leaned forward to kiss me again.

I turned my face a little to the side so that she caught the edge of my lips.

"But you were really mad at me, and you waited until - "

She sighed so loud that I shut my mouth. "Seth, you're not perfect. Okay? I get it. I'm not either. So fuck it."

My will shattered into a moan of want and disapproval, my hands flying back to whatever piece of her I could touch the easiest. My earlier argument dissolved into the heat of our lips melding, hands feeling, and limbs getting tangled around one another's.

Some voice in the back of my head was questioning this turn of events, then questioning why I had been so prepared for a fight. She couldn't be very mad at me if this was her planned activity for the day.

She bit my lip and I growled, a low warning sound in the back of my throat that was instinctual.

Funny thing, instinct - we got it from both sides, the instinct of a man and the instinct of an animal at the same time. Protection was a big factor; that, and the need to fight and defend. But, when it came to a time like this, the most prevelant and most animal instinct took over, and the wolf was just as much in control of me as I was.

As a man, I had never wanted anything more than to be physical with this girl... As a wolf, since Liz was my imprint, I _needed _to have it. My body was warring with my mind to get in her, both wanting the same, just at different times. If I went on nothing but the instinct, we would never be able to have sex for more than a couple of minutes.

Before I even realized I had moved, Liz was on her back underneath me, ripping at my hair with her hands and begging for more with her mouth. I held most of my weight off of her small body, though her arms became vices to hold me to her.

Liz changed her mind, pushing me farther back from her. A series of things went through me: hurt, rejection, anger... Then she untied her shirt and threw it across the room.

"Fuck me," I heard myself whispering, my eyes focused on nothing but the perfect pair of perky tits that were still swaying slightly from her movement a second before. I heard a small giggle come from her throat as I stared, then I watched her hands moving painfully slowly towards her chest to start squeezing her breasts and pinch at her nipples.

She stopped long enough to tug her jeans off, then she stretched out like a human buffet for the eyes and resumed her playing with herself. She started back at her tits, then one hand slowly crept down until her middle finger was circling over her clit.

I was fucking _mesmerized; _I absolutely could not look away from what was happening in front of me. Not like watching a train-wreck... More like watching a young, beautiful blonde fingering herself.

Because... My god, there was nothing horrible included in the picture in front of me.

My body moved on it's own, leaning down to suck one of her nipples into my mouth. She moaned and arched her back into me, and my reaction was to just try and pleasure her more. My hands went to her bare skin, touching and gripping and causing my blood pressure to rocket.

"Seth? Pants," Liz reminded me playfully. Something about the sweetness in her voice - mixed with the image of her stark naked with her own hands all over herself - had the wolf in me becoming restless in anticipation of feeling inside of her.

The part of me that had wanted to take it's time was overshadowed by the wolf, who had become angry and dominant inside of my soul. The wolf was not going to allow me to drag things out, or to back out if that's what I wanted... or even what Liz wanted. It was hard to tell what would happen if she ever got me to this point and then tried to change the course.

I could end up hurting her.

The wolf silenced my worries with a growl that erupted through my own mouth, startling Liz. She looked fucking amazing with her mouth opened in surprise like that.

I tore my pants off and tossed them away, forgetting their existence. Liz wanted to play - she sat up, ready to move towards me when I forced her back down to the bed.

I could not wait any longer.

I tossed her legs open, positioning them on the outsides of my own. I cast a final glance at the smooth skin and measured curves that made this the most gorgeous of all bodies, then I thrust myself as deep as I could, filling her to the brink.

Liz's head tossed back, a moan elongated from her lips. Her fingernails pierced easily into the soft flesh of my back, hurting and exciting me wonderfully.

I would have given her a minute to adjust to me, but this was not me. I had no choices; I could only act how it wanted me to.

I was pumping in and out of her, almost glad to not have the option of stopping, wrapped up in how good she felt against me, how tight it felt inside of her. Each motion was explosively grand, bringing me closer and closer to the best part.

My name rolled off her tongue, the word dripping with desire as thick as sacharrin. I touched her face gently, willing her to see that this moment, to me, was still about love more than sex.

It just really seemed like it was more about the sex.

She didn't seem to mind.

"Uhh, Seth, fuck me," she breathed, her expression reading as nothing but lust. My body reacted, giving into her demand with an edge to my motions that felt close to violence.

I recognized that I had to be hurting her, no matter how much she looked like she was enjoying herself. I took deep breaths through my mouth, trying my damndest to pace myself before I broke her like a porcelain doll.

She was so small, so fragile.

My ears caught the distinct sound of her phone ringing, but the distraction actually helped to tone me down slightly. I slowed by a fraction of a second, and that would just have to do.

Breathy gasps and sighs poured from my love's mouth, pulling my mind into her. I came back to myself enough to slow a bit more, wrap my arm underneath her back and pull her body up to melt against mine. I laid light, desperate kisses on her mouth, face, and throat.

We were together now; one body, one mind. I could not move in a way that didn't compliment her, and neither could she. We were reaching a level of intimacy that I was not aware existed until right now.

Every push or pull of my hips was met with her own movement, every kiss and touch like a choreographed dance.

"Mmm, Seth," she whispered, an acknowledgment to both of our feelings.

We both fell over the edge then, a combination of sweaty skin and moans of pleasure bursting into the ultimate fire of an orgasm. I collapsed down, on top of Liz's body which was still twitching from the shock.

It always gave me the biggest ego boost when I could get her off.

I rolled to the side, pulling her to me as I tried to slow my breathing. She stayed for a moment, then pulled the sheet with her as she got off the bed. She picked her phone up off the dresser, looked at who had called, then started dialing out to someone.

"Come back to bed," I whined at her, tugging the edge of her cover-up with my toes. "What are you doing?"

"I have a wierd feeling..." she mumbled, chewing on her lip.

I could only hear mumbling but could tell the voice was male, and Liz's demeanor suddenly changed from nervous to downright frantic.

"What the fuck happened?" she asked into the phone.

"I gave her too much! She's already turning blue... Where's the fucking ambulance? Oh God, Suzanne, baby, please breathe... please..."

Daniel was sobbing on the other end of the line. Liz dropped the sheet and started throwing clothes on and searching around for her keys and things.

"I'll come and meet you at the hospital. Daniel! Try to chill, okay? You know CPR, use it. If they're not there in a couple of minutes, load her up and take her to the hospital yourself." She was rushing around her room, tossing things wildly. "Did you set her up to see if she could puke? She is? Okay... do you have any subs with you?"

Liz suddenly smiled brightly. "Yes! Now, do you have any clean needles? The one she used already will have to do. You're gonna have to shoot her up with the suboxone... I know, it sounds crazy but it's going to save her life!" she yelled firmly.

"It will push all the dope out of her and stop anymore from reaching her brain. Hot and cold, don't cook the shit."

She located her keys and tossed them to me; I caught them without even thinking about it. "You drive faster than me," she told me in a whisper.

"Take your time, man. Tie it off... "

There was a sound like a cross between a sob and a shriek.

"Danny, relax! If you can do it to get her high, you can do it to save her life."

I threw some clean sweats on and followed Liz's fast steps out to the car. I started the car and took straight off, not wanting to waste any more time. From the conversation, it was pretty clear that Daniel's girlfriend may be dying.

Liz seemed to be holding her breath, and then I heard someone cough, mumble, and then Daniel yelling something about Suzanne being awake.

"Oh my god, she's alive! Liz! She's fucking alive! Thank you so much, Liz, thank you."

"I'm glad to help. I can't believe it worked!" Liz bounced around happily in her seat. "You are so fucking lucky I remembered that shit!"

There was some disruption happening again on the other line, and the longer Liz sat waiting, the more her face dropped.

"The ambulance is here," Daniel said quietly. "I'm going to jail, aren't I?"

"Oh yeah," Liz said knowingly. "Actually, they'll go really easy on you for calling them in the first place. Most of the time when somebody OD's, everyone who sees it is too scared to help them and they end up dying..." her voice trailed off, fading into her thoughts.

"They'll probably just talk to you and keep you cuffed at the hospital, then let you go later. You might have some fines or court dates or something, no big deal. And for fuck's sake, get _rid _of all your illegal stuff."

"Too late," Daniel answered, but he sounded less scared. "I have to go, I'm going to follow the ambulance. Are you still coming up here?"

"Yeah, we're already headed that way."

I slowed down to just ten miles over the speed limit since we were out of the immediate emergency. A type of awe settled over me then... I couldn't believe that Liz and Daniel had technically just saved someone's life. The realization made me happy, so I told Liz how proud I was of her.

She kind of snorted sarcastically at me.

Then she considered. "I am _extremely _thankful that I knew how to fix that. I just can't believe that _Daniel,_" she hissed his name furiously, "Fucking did that to her in the first place! I mean, hell... I've messed up before and introduced people to bad things, but he took a girl that was fresh out of college and never partied at all and somehow ended up sticking a needle in her arm tonight!"

She put her face into her hands and shook her head, almost like she wanted to cry. "And to give her that much...?" she whispered, then peeked up at me through long, thick, black eyelashes. "There's a _huge _line that he crossed with that shit. He definitely should have known better."

"I'm sure it was an accident," I quickly defended. Daniel was a nice guy, and he had called for help as soon as something had went wrong.

"It was such a fucking _stupid _accident to make!" she said, her voice raising higher in volume. "Danny's been doing this type of shit long enough to not make that big of a screw up. It wasn't even ron, he had everything measured out perfectly for him in MG's. He had to have given her..." she just shook her head in exasperation. "If he doesn't go to jail, I'm going to bitch him out so bad."

"Maybe he does deserve a lecture," I suggested.

Liz started laughing. "I... love you... Seth," she said between her playful giggles. "You're so laid back about - almost - everything."

I ducked my head sheepishly. "I'm sorry," I amended. "I just can't be laid back about you. I think maybe it's the, uh... intensity... of the way that you make me feel. It's totally new, and it's overwhelming."

_Borderline obsessive._

My angel looked over, smiling shyly. "It's not so bad," she said, her voice just a soft, sweet smelling breath of air. I reached over and fit my fingers into the spaces between hers, loving the way that they matched perfectly... as if our hands were each made for holding one another's.

We drove to the Virginia Masen Medical Center Hospital in a comfortable silence, first just because we were both relaxed, then because Liz fell asleep when we were about halfway there and I did not want to bother her. Her head was against the seat and off to one side, mouth slightly open, and every now and then she would gasp or mumble or move her hands around. It was really cute, and it gave me something to say back when she teased me for whining and growling and kicking my feet like a dog in my sleep.

I was already in the parking lot and about to wake her when she twitched violently and leaned up, eyes open and wild. She looked around frantically, her heart pounding inside of her chest. She looked around until her eyes landed on me, then she started to relax, leaning back into the seat and letting out a sigh of relief.

"Bad dream?" I inquired as I backed into a parking space.

"I'm not sure. All I remember is... money. And blood. Felt more like a memory than a dream." She looked around her again, examining the parking lot through her window. "We're here already?"

"Yeah, you woke up as soon as we hit the lot."

She unbuckled her seat belt, then turned back with a quirky smile on her beautiful face. "Ready to see me cuss somebody out?"

"I'm always ready for that," I joked as I got out of the car and walked around to meet her at her door. She wrapped her hand into mine and we set off for the front entrance of the large hospital.

Liz talked to the woman at the front desk to get a room number, then we went through twisting halls following the order of the numbers at every door. We hit the end of a hall when we saw the right room, and Liz knocked softly before walking in.

There were two police officers in here, and I was extremely relieved to _not_ see the one we'd had a run in with the last time we came to Seattle. They were standing by the door, trying to seem as authoratative as possible, though they both shrunk back a little when I entered the room. Daniel was sitting on the edge of the bed that Suzanne was laid out in.

She didn't look so bad; she was pale and there was a light sheen of sweat on her face, her lips were completely white and just from the way her eyes moved slowly she seemed like she must be exhausted. But she didn't look like someone that was dead less than an hour ago.

"You alright?" Liz asked Suzanne, ignoring the cops and Daniel.

Suzanne nodded weakly. "Thank you so much, Liz." She reached her hand out and clasped it around Liz's. "If it weren't for you, I would be dead right now..." she trailed off, voice quavering with the tears that were springing up in her eyes.

"Shhh," Liz whispered soothingly, rubbing Suzanne's hand with her own. "You don't even need to thank me. You being alright is reward enough, trust me."

Liz's smile slipped from her face as her eyes moved from Suzanne to Daniel.

"I want to talk to you outside," she said to him, not at all trying to hide how mad she was. She placed her hands on her hips and actually started to tap her foot impatiently when he didn't jump right up.

Daniel laid a small kiss on Suzanne's palm and told her, "I'll be back in just a second, baby."

He followed Liz out into the hall, leaving me alone in the room with Suzanne and the two police officers. I could hear her cutting into him with her words from outside of the door, and I almost wanted to go out and tell her to take it easy on him.

"What do you think she wants to talk to him about?" Suzanne asked me in a raspy voice.

"She's... um, she's kind of mad at him for... you know." I waved my hand over her, signaling what the problem was about. "She says he definitely should have known better than to give you enough to hurt you."

"It wasn't his fault. I made this decision, it's not Danny's job to baby-sit me and make sure I keep myself in line," she whispered. "If anything, she should be mad at me. I got myself hurt and probably got him in alot of trouble."

She sighed, a sound portraying her own guilt and turmoil. "He'll think it's his fault, regardless. Even if he hadn't been there when it happened, he'd still blame himself."

"... Such a fucking _idiot!" _We heard Liz yelling in the hallway. The constant background of noise drown out most of what she was saying.

A few minutes passed with no more words from beyond the door, and Suzanne started to fidget and bite on her nails nervously. We both waited, staring at the door until it finally opened.

"What about her parents? What will you guys tell them?" Liz asked Daniel as they strolled back in. There were streaks of moisture on his cheeks like he'd been crying again, and I felt really sorry for the guy. Liz could be ruthless with her words.

"I don't know..."

"You need to tell them the truth," Liz said firmly, her expression daring him to argue.

"No! They'll think Danny's a - " Suzanne started, but Liz cut her off with nothing more than a serious glance.

"They'll think Danny is a fucking _junkie, _because that's what he is. They'll probably think he's a total piece of shit, which is still up in the air, but they have the right to judge someone that's trying to be with their daughter. If you respect them, you'll tell them."

She turned back towards Daniel. "Otherwise, they're just going to think that _she _is a junkie piece of shit."

Daniel nodded, keeping his eyes on his feet. He looked like a child being punished.

Liz suddenly turned her attention towards the cops by the door. "Is he being arrested?" she asked them curtly.

"Erm, no," one of them answered, seeming a little intimidated by adorable little Lizzy.

"Is anyone here being arrested?"

The more courageous one nodded a no.

"Then why don't you two get the fuck up out of here?"

They gawked at her, then looked at eachother. One shrugged, then they turned and exited, simple as that.

"Now," Liz sighed, "That being said, I am _so _glad that you are okay now, Suzanne. I hope you both learned a very serious lesson."

Daniel choked back another round of tears, reaching out towards Liz while his other hand muffled the sound from his mouth. He squeezed her hand meaningfully, then threw his arms around her - his saving grace. I can't even imagine the amount of gratitude he must be feeling towards her... If I were in his position and someone had helped me to save Liz's life, I would owe them everything and more. I would die in her place, if that's what it took.

"Thank you," he was crying into her hair, tears soaking the tops of the strands. "Thank you so much, Liz. I love you."

"I love you too, sweetheart," Liz replied emotionally. "Just keep that head on, you'll be alright."

Danny and Suzanne both chuckled as he released Liz with a brotherly peck on the cheek.

"We're gonna go ahead and roll out. Call me tomorrow?"

"Yeah, definitely," Danny said with a reassuring nod.

Liz went to Suzanne's side and gave her a gentle hug and a soft kiss on the cheek, and they both told eachother again how grateful they were for things turning out this way. I was just turning to Daniel to say goodbye to him when he surprised me, pulling me into a bear hug.

"Thanks for comin', man. She's so happy with you... It shows in her eyes," he whispered.

I patted him on the back, wearing a wide smile on my face. "Thanks, man. That really means alot to me. She's..." I tried to think of a simple way to describe what Liz was to me, but it would take more than twenty adjectives just to cover the basics.

"Yeah, I know what you mean." He looked back down at his scuffed up sneakers, tears welling up in his eyes again.

I'd never felt so much pity for someone, not for Leah when she lost her Sam, or even when Sam had torn up Emily (or when I had found out that that's what had actually happened). Maybe it was different seeing the guilt firsthand, watching the pain inside of someone after they know they've hurt the one they love the most.

I tried to think of something nice to say to make him feel better, but Liz wrapped up her goodbye with Suzanne and swooped in to save me. She gave Daniel another hug, patting him on the back.

"Don't be too hard on yourself, I was extra mean to you so that you wouldn't have to be to yourself," she said quietly as she pulled away from his arms. "Call me tomorrow after noon."

We yelled more goodbyes until the door was clicked shut and no one could hear anything else from the other side. We drifted away from the room, down the hallway hand-in-hand, smiling like idiots... Because we were in love. Because Suzanne was alive.

Because Liz had saved her. And now I knew that I had been right all along; Elizabeth Collins was an angel on Earth.


	36. Oh, So Surreal

**Chapter Thirty Six - Oh, So Surreal **

"Are you serious? You really like The Lost Boys better than Teen Wolf?"

"Sorry. I've always been more into vampires. That is, until I met you of course." I giggled into the phone receiver, though my words rang eerily into the warm black air. You would think a little light from the giant full moon tonight would break through the clouds, but not around here. Those motherfuckers were thick.

"I wish you wouldn't walk around by yourself at night," Seth addressed my fears without me having to do so. Sometimes I think he knew me a little too well.

"It's not raining, and it's actually warm out. I have to feel out my surroundings..." I listened to the soft crunch of broken rock beneath my feet, questioning why I'd thought this to be a good idea.

"Where are you at, baby?" I asked, trying to disguise the fear in my voice.

I could hear him smile through the phone before he even said anything. "I can either stay on the phone with you and be there in about ten minutes, or I can phase and be there in two."

I chanced a look around at the open road and bordering trees, hoping that it would seem less frightening to me this time around. I stood up straighter and squared my shoulders in case there was anything wierd out there watching me; confidence was a whole lot more intimidating than cowering.

"Stay on the phone with me."

"Are you sure? You're not scared? Out there... all alone... in the dark..." He was working hard to sound creepy - and not to laugh.

"_Seth,_" I whined. "You know I'm not afraid of anything."

"Liar," he teased. At the sound of his voice, I heard another noise - something like a twig snapping somewhere to my left. Somewhere that I couldn't see when I jumped and started scouring the area with my eyes.

"What happened?" Seth asked immediately, sensing my panic on the other end of the line. He started pacing out each breath, and I could tell that he was running.

I wanted to sprint back to my house, but I was beginning to feel like a coward. It was dark, but my eyes were adjusted enough to see that there was nothing there; I must have heard something farther away, or some kind of small animal.

"It's nothing, I just thought I heard something."

"I'll be there in two minutes," he answered without hesitation.

"Why?"

"You've seen enough horror movies to know that if you think you heard something, you probably did. One minute."

The line went dead, and I shuddered in the unavoidable silence that he left behind for me. I wish he could just learn to work a cell phone with those big ass paws.

I figured there was no point being out here anymore, so I whirled around and started walking back towards the house. I pulled the cigarette I had from behind my ear, cupped my hand around my lighter and lit the flame.

_Crunch._

I jumped and looked around frantically, my cigarette hanging forgotten and unlit from my bottom lip. My eyes finally focused on the large figure approaching me, which I immediately recognized as one of the oversized wolves I'd grown accustomed to.

My first reaction was that it must be Seth; He'd said one minute, but running time was never exact. It's not like he could time himself on it or anything.

As the wolf took another slow step towards me, a bit of it's muzzle caught the moonlight...

It wasn't Seth. The fur was a deep brown, not the light sand color I expected to see... And the lips were pulled back menacingly, revealing two gleaming rows of razor-sharp teeth.

"Umm..." I heard myself mumbling, completely unsure of what was going on and how I should react. This wolf was seeming a lot less friend and a whole lot more foe.

The wolf stepped closer and I stepped back. He growled in response, a snappy little warning of what would happen if I tried to get away.

The idea that this may be one of Seth's friends pulling a prank on me vanished as I got a better look at what was facing me down: This chocolate wolf was shorter, skinnier than Seth and his friends. The muzzle was thinner and more wrinkled, the fur looked more rough, and the eyes - the eyes were pure evil.

He looked like an actual man that had morphed into a wolf and then dropped to all fours.

I turned away without thinking, a knee-jerk reaction that I immediately regretted.

The wolf took chase, and I had no choice but to run for my life. I screamed in horror, images flashing through my mind of my own body being ripped, torn and bitten limb from limb. He was right on my tail, so close that I could practically feel his hot breath on the back of my neck as he snapped and snarled after me.

"Seth!" I called into the dark, a last-ditch effort to survive the night - and of course, like magic he was there.

He swooped in just before the wolf's teeth grabbed ahold of my right thigh, knocking the mutt to the side behind me. I just barely caught the sight of two balls of fur snapping and clawing at one another, unable to tell who was who, which was winning or losing.

I was struck with a feeling of deja vu as I awaited the outcome of this fight; How many times was something like this going to happen? How many times would Seth have to risk his life in order to save mine?

This wasn't how a healthy relationship typically worked.

A pain filled howl and a disgusting ripping sound filled the night, and then there was nothing but silence. I stared at the winner of the battle, praying that it was Seth I was seeing. The wolf shimmered and changed, replacing fur with skin, four feet with two. I held my breath as the man stood still, too far from me to tell his identity.

"Liz," he said, just loud enough for me to hear.

I heard myself gasp with relief, then I felt wet tears trailing down my cheeks. I was shaking and hadn't noticed, but I made my feet bring me closer to my savior, to my love. I dragged forward, allowing my stupid tears to pour out.

Seth's eyes stayed focused on the ground in front of him, but I couldn't bring myself to follow his gaze just yet. I guess I was a little more traumatized from this type of shit happening then I let on, even to myself.

I finally reached Seth's side and worked my way under his arm where he gripped me tight, holding me to him and surrounding me in his care and protection. He cupped the back of my head with his hand and kissed me on the forehead for a long moment.

When he eased his grip and focused on the body again, I wasn't too scared to look anymore... Until I actually did. Then I was glad my stomach was mostly empty.

I expected a giant, bloody mound of fur - and this couldn't have been farther from the scene in front of me now.

Lifeless as a rag doll, a tall, muscular young black man lay crumpled at my feet, his body ragged and his head being held to his neck by just a stitch of skin. Wounds carved in his brown skin made way for his blood to flow out and around him, and in his eyes there was no more evil and no more light. There was nothing behind his dark eyes at all, as if someone had simply crafted them from glass and popped them into his head.

I shuddered again, realizing that this could have been Seth or myself laying here dead tonight. Life and death seemed to be toying with the two of us alot lately, and the reality of everything felt like a two ton weight sitting on my shoulders at all times.

"You all change back to human if you die," I commented.

"_When _we die," he answered somberly. He squeezed my shoulder comfortingly when he felt me flinch at his words, then he squatted down to better examine the man.

"He's black," I noted.

Seth only looked up with a raised eyebrow.

"I mean, I thought the wolfy thing came from your ancestors and all that stuff. Your _Native American_ ancestors..."

"All it takes is for one of our people carrying the gene to pass it on to a child of theirs; There could be other wolves that seem to be a different race." He looked up at me, a quirky smile on his angelic face. "I bet you have a little native blood in you, and you're one of the whitest people I've ever seen."

I snorted. "I _do _have a little native in my blood, I know it for a fact. You just can't tell."

"It's all wrong, though..." Seth's thought drifted out as his eyes continued to study the dead man.

"Babe, my great grandma was like, half Cherokee - "

"No." He nodded his head as he met my gaze again. "Not that. This..." He pointed at the body. "This one - he's not like us. He's something else... From a different pack maybe?"

He nodded his head again, and I started sifting through the thoughts I'd had before, when I had first seen the wolf.

"How can you tell?"

"The smell," he answered instantly, anticipating my question. "The smell is totally different than any of ours. See, all the wolves in La Push share a scent that's pretty similar and very distinct. There's subtle differences between all of us, but the basics are the same. _He, _on the other hand, smelled like pure animal while we fought, and now he just smells like a regular human. He's not a hybrid of both like we are... Though he _is _at the same time. It doesn't make any sense to me."

"Join the club," I scoffed as I lowered myself into a crouch next to him.

He took my hand and straightened his body, pulling me upright with him. "I'm going to walk you home and stay with you until Sam and Jacob and some others come to check this out and help me clean up the mess. I'll have to leave someone else at the house to protect you while I'm gone."

I linked my arm through his and started slowly down the dirt road towards our home. "Okay, just don't leave Josh there."

He chuckled, brightening up more the farther we got from our latest crime scene.

"Oh, I wouldn't dream of it."

"Do you think we'll ever go more than a full week without being tangled up in some kind of tragic bullshit? Because if this is how everything is going to go, I'm going to need some blood pressure medication or something."

"We've gone a few weeks with nothing crazy happening... And I don't know about the tragic bullshit, but I doubt we'll ever go more than a full week with everything just running smoothly."

"Well of course not. Sorry babe, but the universe didn't stick you with just _any _bitch... Nothing goes smooth or normal when I'm involved in it."

Seth laughed as he scooped me up, twirled once in a circle and then kissed me as he let me back down onto my shaky feet. "Don't you call my woman names like that," he joked in return.

It was almost creepy how easily we let things slide into the back of our minds; I had almost been murdered less than an hour ago, and Seth actually _had _killed someone. To call it murder seemed too harsh, like it was a cold-blood situation, but that was the reality of what had taken place.

Seth had murdered a young man, someone he had never even known of before tonight. Was it really that easy for him to move past?

"I know what you're thinking," he mumbled, his eyes fixed on each step he was taking.

"You usually do."

"I feel terrible for taking his life from him... But when it comes to protecting you, there's not a person in the world I wouldn't do the same to."

"You don't think that's just a bit extreme?"

He sighed and finally looked me in the eye. "This was an extreme situation, Liz. You know I can't ever let anybody hurt you, and he was going to - " His voice faded out, unable to state the rest of what we both knew: If he had not saved me, the other wolf would have killed me.

I shook my head in exasperation. "Well. Thank you for saving me. Again. Hopefully, it will be the last time something like this happens."

Something flashed across his features, just before he turned his face to where I could no longer see. He remained silent, leaving only the sounds of my uneven breathing and my feet scuffling along.

Twenty minutes later, I found myself lying on the couch and listening to Leah bitch about men from the love seat. Seth and pretty much the entire rest of the pack were somewhere down the street, examining things or hiding a body or something like that. I had been told to stay here and let Leah baby-sit me, which I was actually okay with. I didn't want to be involved in this shit anymore than I already was.

" ... You sleep with them once, and then they never call you again! It's the most stereotypical bullshit I've ever had happen to me in my life! How does anyone expect to have a nice, monogamous relationship if they run away as soon as they get laid!" Leah paused on her tyrade, probably wanting some input from my side. I hadn't contributed anything to the conversation yet - I hadn't even really been listening until just now.

"Leah... Guys are assholes. You're a girl, you heard all the same shit as me growing up: They only care about one thing, and once they get it they're done. Why are you surprised?"

"Is it so wrong to expect more out of one of them? Just _one?_"

"No, we all expect more out of all of them, and that's when we realize why we got told all of that stuff when we were little in the first place." I sighed and let myself sink farther into the cushions. "I've met an assload of good guys that don't dog out women and don't cheat or even whore themselves around when they're single - they're just hard to come by."

"I wish I could meet one of them."

"Stop looking and you'll probably stumble upon one," I suggested.

A few seconds of silence passed as she thought our words over. "How come you didn't end up with one of those good guys you used to know?" she asked, surprising me.

I scoffed, "I said I knew some, not that I ever dated any. The good ones were always my friends, and I stuck myself with assholes when it came to relationships."

She nodded her head in understanding. "Well, you've got it good now. My brother is probably the most respectful guy you'll ever meet. He's never going to do you wrong."

"So I've heard, but honestly I'm more concerned with surviving than dating at the moment. I seem to have become some kind of fucking accident magnet since I got here."

"Yeah, that seems to be the pattern for young girls that move to this town," she said with a snicker. "You're lucky you have all of us to save your little blonde butt."

"Oh, shut up. If you weren't a wolf girl, I would totally be able to take you."

She tapped her chin like she was considering it. "Interesting... I bet the guys would pay to see that."

"Probably," I agreed. "What do you think that guy was?"

"They think it might be a '_real werewolf'_," she did quotes in the air and rolled her eyes.

"How will they be able to tell now?"

"They've got Edward with them to help. Carlisle is the only one that's encountered one before, but he's too far away at the moment."

"Do you think anyone is mad?"

"No, he was trying to kill you. Any of us would have done the same for you."

I sighed and sat up, contemplating the bottle of wine that was under the kitchen sink. I figured Leah could decide for me.

"Want a drink?"

"Oh, do I!" she teased, being over dramatic.

I got the bottle and two glasses, then sat down next to her on the love seat. I poured her glass, then set the other glass aside and took a big gulp from the bottle while Leah chuckled at me.

"My kind of woman," she said as she clinked her glass against my bottle.

"My life is so wierd," I commented off-handedly. "I wonder if anything will ever just be normal."

"You're dating a guy that mutates into a wolf. I think normal may be a bit of a reach for you."

I sighed and let my face drop. "We're going to need a couple more bottles."

The front door swung open then, and Seth walked in. It must have started raining because his black hair clung to his scalp and his tee shirt was pretty much clear. I'd like to give those abs a good licking...

He motioned Leah towards the door.

"Well, that's my cue," she said as she stood up and downed her glass in one drink. "Thanks for listening to my drama."

"Any time."

She nodded and waved goodbye as she stepped out and shut the door behind her.

"Why did you make her leave?" I asked when Leah should have been far enough to not hear us, though it was hard to judge considering the extra-strength ears.

A wiley smile spread across his face as he sat down next to me and pulled me onto his lap. "It's been a long day, and I want to be alone with you now."

He shifted me so that we could see eachother and then his arms tightened around me, surrounded me.

"I could have lost you out there."

"It's not the first time," I pointed out without thinking. I didn't want to make him feel worse than he already was.

"But it _will _be the last time."

I pulled back far enough to look at his face again. "How do you plan on pulling that one off? I mean, even if I'm not out walking around at all hours of the night, things still keep happening."

"Someone will always be here to watch you, no matter what else is going on. Even when I'm here with you, if I'm asleep then there will be someone else outside to keep an eye on things. And when you go out, someone will be there to make sure you are okay."

I blinked a few times, willing myself to not yell. It took a few good seconds.

"Seth... Please tell them not to do that. _Please._"

"Why?" He actually had the audacity to sound surprised.

"I can't have your friends watching every single thing that I do! My life is too... I mean, they'll see all kinds of things that they're not supposed to know about!"

"Like what?"

"Like, I prefer for it to be a private moment when I take a crap, not to have someone with super smelling abilities chilling outside the fucking bathroom window!"

He stared at me, not sure how to handle my little outburst. Then he started laughing so hard that we both almost fell into the floor.

"Seth."

He kept laughing.

"_Seth."_

And laughing on.

"That's not funny!"

"Oh... I would have to disagree with you on that one, babe. And really, do you think they would get in your business like that? 'Cause that is pretty gross... I mean, I'm in love with you and think you're the most beautiful thing in the world, and even I would never... you know."

"I was kind of joking. But seriously, I can't have people watching me like that, twenty-four seven. What if they see me tripping on acid, or selling drugs to somebody? I don't think they would like that very much."

" I didn't really think about that..."

I sighed as loud as I could. "Well, we'll figure it out tomorrow. I think I've had enough for one evening."

"Not yet," he breathed into my ear, just before his lips covered mine.

"Does this mean I get to skip the lecture about being out alone?"

"For now."

He kissed me again, and now I was really glad that I had survived.

I pulled back. "Is there one of them out there right now?"

"Baby, no one is listening, they're too far out - "

"But they're out there?"

He opened his eyes and sighed, and his hands seemed to be reconsidering their intimate positioning on me.

"Which one?"

He sighed again and crossed his arms over his chest.

"More than one?"

"Leah and Embry are patrolling around the house tonight - but they're fine, and they _can't hear us," _he stressed. "So please, _please _can we just have some time together?"

"Isn't that what we're doing right now?"

He uncrossed his arms and gently pushed a few strands of hair out of my face, then let his warm hand slide down my arm, leaving my skin on fire. He never did play fair.

"You know this isn't what I mean," he murmured. He lowered his head, blocking the light and filling my eyes with nothing but the vision of his face. His mouth met mine, comfortable and powerful and hot, the way a girl imagines a kiss should be in a fantasy.

I heard myself moan, and it sounded like giving in to both of our ears. His arms became vices, gripping me close to his body; he was standing up to take us to the bed.

"Seth, wait," I finally managed to gasp out... And trust me, it was extremely difficult.

He pouted for a second, and then he leaned down to get the bottle of wine and took us to the bed anyways.

I woke up with a _screaming _hangover; cold-chills, head ache, stomach ache, the whole nine yards. I dragged myself out of bed and went outside for a smoke, but halfway through it I had to pause and vomit. Alot.

I went back inside to find my bed empty, so I curled up on my side and wrapped my blankets around me. Seth came back in a few seconds later, looked at me for about a second, and then asked what was wrong.

"Hangover," I replied hoarsely through the thickness in my throat.

"Want some aspirin?" he asked, voice full of concern.

"No. I want a loratab," I answered. "Aspirin doesn't help me."

"Well, do you have... one of those?"

If I didn't feel so horrible, I would have laughed at him for not knowing what I was talking about. But, as the situation currently was, laughing could induce vomiting.

"Yeah, top drawer," I muttered as a shiver rocked my body. I pulled my covers tighter around me.

Seth opened up the drawer and located an orange prescription bottle. He went to the kitchen where I could hear him filling a glass with water, then came back and sat down close to my head.

"Here, baby. This should make you feel a little better. I guess," he said with a shrug as I took out a pill and swallowed it down. He examined the bottle for a moment when I handed it back, then he asked, "Hey, isn't this one of those opi - something's you hate?"

"I'm not trying to get high, baby, I just want to not feel like shit."

"You're not scared you'll want more?"

"Seth... _Trust me, _I'll be fine. My hangover will be gone in a few hours, I'll probably sleep through the whole thing."

"Okay..." he replied, more distracted. He glanced at the closet, where most of his wardrobe was now hanging.

"I really hate that you're not feeling good, but I promised to meet up with some of the guys as soon as I woke up. Will you be alright without me?" He looked at me suddenly and frowned. "I can stay here and take care of you. I really rather would."

"What are you guys going to do?"

He grimaced. "Autopsy."

"Oh," I mouthed as my mind instantly pictured the young man with his head hanging away from his neck, his eyes glazed and soulless. The image should have bothered me slightly more than it did. "Baby, as much as I would love for you to stay here..."

"Yeah, it's kind of important," he said in a long sigh. "Do you want me to get anything for you before I come home?"

I shook my head no and curled my knees up tighter to my chest. The medicine was starting to take effect and I was going to be asleep again soon.

"Alright." He got up and went to the closet for just a moment, then came back to my side and leaned down to kiss my cheek tenderly. "I'll be back in a few hours."

"Okay," I murmured. "Love you, Seth."

"Love you, too."

He kissed me again and walked away. I was asleep before I even heard him close the door.

I was having one of those dreams where it should be extremely clear to me that I'm dreaming, but I never figured that part out. I wandered through an endless crowd of slow-dancing bodies, people rubbing against eachother in a way too intimate for the public. The lights were dim enough that I couldn't see anyone's face; I couldn't even see where the walls were in this giant area.

I kept pushing through the bodies, able to feel people's breath on my skin, their sweat staining my clothes. When I actually looked down at my own body, I realized I was dressed like the other party-goers in ripped, dirty clothing.

My head snapped up instinctively and my eyes locked with the most familiar and wonderful pair of eyes in the room. _This_ face stood out to me.

I smiled at him and he smiled back, but instead of coming towards me he turned and walked the other way. I felt my face fall, and then I felt a little angry. Why would he ignore me like that?

I started forcing my way through the sluggish group of people, determined to ask Seth why he was treating me this way. I finally got to a break in the crowd, and then I found a wall. Actually, I found two; two walls making a very long hallway. I stepped up to the first door and pushed my way inside.

I immediately turned around; I needed to leave or vomit, one.

"No, wait. I did this for you."

I spun back around, shocked. "Seth? Why are you in here? We need to hide the body!" I reasoned, insanely.

"Don't you like it?"

I watched as he leaned down and lifted up the top half of the dead man. He shifted it to sit against the wall on it's own, but then it's head flopped off to the side, stretching out the thin piece of skin that held it onto the neck. He picked up the arm and made the corpse wave at me.

"You like dead things."

"What..." I didn't know what to ask or say. I just wanted out of here.

"Well, if you don't like him then let's go find Ana." He took my hand and started pulling me closer to the door.

"Ana?"

"Yeah, she's been waiting for you."

"For how long?" I wondered as we left the room. The sun was shining bright in the clear sky, and the trees were swaying in the light breeze. It was so beautiful out here.

"Awhile. You promised to protect her, Liz, and you just haven't been doing a very good job. Now she doesn't want me to say anything..."

I drown his voice out as I started to recognize where I was. "Is that Bobby's...? Isn't this..."

I turned my head at the sound of a familiar voice. Familiar because it was mine.

I was walking down the street towards the house, phone to my ear as usual. My hair was shorter and blonder, and I had three little braids tied into the length.

"I'll be there in five minutes," I was saying into the phone. "Just relax." Other me took a detour into the house in front of her, and then it hit me what day I was reliving.

I waited about two seconds to catch the black car with the tinted windows screeching it's tires down the street, stopping in front of the place where all my friends were throwing a party. The place I was supposed to be at.

"But truthfully, you've never done what you were supposed to do - "

"Seth, we have to get out of here!"

"What about Ana? What about the rest of your friends?"

"They don't matter! Not as much as you do."

Five gun shots, countless screams, running feet, and then silence.

Seth peered at me beneath his long eyelashes, eyes smoldering. "What mattered then?"

It took me a long moment to answer. "I did."

"I wish that I could hug you... touch you."

I stared at him, confused. "Why can't you?"

"They don't allow that in here. Not unless we were married, but you always did refuse me." He spat the words at me bitterly, and my eyes dashed around in surprise.

My hands were shackled to my feet, accenting my lovely bright orange prisoner-wear.

I was still surprised, but not that much. I always figured I'd end up here.

"I'll marry you. Right now."

"It's a little late for that," he laughed humorlessly. He laid his hand on the table, flashing me the wedding band.

"You got married to someone else?" I whispered, heartbroken.

"They said I couldn't break the imprint, and they were right. A piece of me always loves you... wants you. But that's a piece of me with no brain. The rest of me, the part that has brain waves, knows that you are a horrible person that I should have never involved myself with."

"But I thought that you - "

"I got past not hurting your feelings a long time ago. You're lucky I still come and visit you once a year. Nobody else does."

"But you... You _love me_!" I yelled, grasping at straws. I was in dangerous territory right now, and I might really lose it this time.

"No, I don't. Happy Birthday, Liz." He got up and gazed down at me, his expression becoming softer. He sighed and sat back down, then looked around for a moment anxiously before meeting my eyes once again.

He picked up my hand and laid a tender kiss into my palm. "You know that underneath the hate, there's always a tiny bit of love. I still think about you every day, but after you did everything that you did, you have to know I could never be with you again. I left pictures of the kids and Sheila and I in the bag. I hope you like them," he finished stiffly.

"The kids?"

Seth got up and walked away without another word.

"Sheila?"

My voice sounded far away, and I felt like I couldn't breathe.

"Seth?" Still not breathing. "Seth?"

"Liz!"

I gasped in a lungful of air and pushed myself upright in the bed at the same time.

"You weren't breathing! You could have died just trying to take a nap!" Seth was yelling while I tried to right myself and sort through what was real and what had been in my dream. I was suddenly having trouble remembering any details, only the feeling of being terrified and utterly heartbroken and alone.

Seth was still rambling about my lung problems when I launched myself on to him and attacked his mouth with my own.

He resisted for a second, then he started to enjoy himself. I couldn't remember what I'd dreamt of, but I knew it made me want to hold on tighter to him than I had been before. I had been banking on this being a solid thing from his side, because he felt more compelled to want to stay with me, but really it was a foolish bet to make.

I had to make him want to be with me, supernatural shit aside, or else his feelings for me might change. If the universe can give him a soulmate, it could also take it away.

"I love you," I whispered, just before he thrust his way in.


	37. Swan Song

**A/N: Not done yet, guys! I'm just getting to the good stuff.**

**Chapter Thirty Seven - Swan Song**

I felt _amazing. _Literally, better than I had ever felt in my entire life.

Part of the new me had alot to do with the simple fact that I had found something in the world to make me happy, something I had no words for other than the obvious: Love. When I was just near Seth, a type of peacefulness settled through me that I was unfamiliar with, though I was getting alot more used to it by now. And when he wasn't near, I always knew he would be back within hours, so even that didn't feel unsettling to me. I had finally figured out one big piece that fit perfectly into the puzzle.

The other reason that I felt more incredible than I can remember ever feeling was that I had put myself through some kind of new-age rapid detox that was flushing my system of impurities. I quit smoking (everything), I quit drinking anything besides water and this horribly disgusting mix that sped along the process, and I even changed up my entire eating routine. I was down to the basics - the things that God had given the Earth before man could taint it with preservatives and growth hormones and all of that other bullshit. Some people called it this or that, but no diet trend summed it up right; I wasn't a vegan or vegetarian, and I most definitely was not on that absurd Raw diet. I still cooked and I still ate meat... just before it had the chance to be processed the way it would have been if it went through the supermarkets.

Gross, but a girl needs a steak now and then.

Seth had taken notice quicker than I myself had - he kept saying I looked more vibrant, more happy, more healthy. Usually I would just brush off his words, but I actually saw it in there, too. I looked better than I had in years, and I felt better than I had in my life.

My sudden halting of drug use was still unclear to him, though he rarely missed an oppurtunity to point out how proud he was of me. The fact was, it was partially unclear to _me, _even, and that's because alot of it was coming from nightmares that I could never remember once I woke up.

I knew the other reasons well, however - it had started two days after my werewolf run-in, a day that I had been alone and extremely stupid. A day that I had snorted pills for hours until I puked and almost died from not being able to breathe.

Like I said, extremely stupid. But, it had also been a wake-up call, and for that reason alone I didn't regret it. Aside from the stress it had caused to Seth.

The last reason was still being debated in my mind - whether to say something to Seth, and whether to even worry about it at all. I wanted everything out of my system by the time I hit All Good, so then I could blow my remaining brain cells to smithereens while I was there. Not literally, of course, but I'd had it in mind all year that my next hippie fest was going to be a very mind-altering experience, and I wasn't sure I was quite ready to give up on that just yet.

What could one final blow out hurt?

Despite my deliberation, I knew in the back of my mind that I would keep nothing from my Seth. I guess it just made me feel a little more like myself when I thought I had something to hide.

I turned off the knobs in the shower and stepped out, wrapping my body up in a soft towel. I ran my hand over the mirror to clear the steam away, and then I smiled broadly at my own reflection; The girl in the mirror was me, but she looked so alive and happy that it was still taking me off-guard. The dark circles that I had thought to be permanent had removed themselves from beneath my eyes, leaving the blue irises brighter than ever. My smile had taken the same change.

I caught myself humming cheerily as I put clothes on and readied myself for another day free of worry and unhappiness. Something dark was still inside of me, it was a piece of me that I would know forever, but it had been mostly sitting on the peripheries of my consciencess, only toying with me at night. I accepted it, had even embraced it my whole life until recently, but it did not seem to have the same regards for me. It was the voice in my ear telling me of doubt and fear and anger, and sometimes I just could not shut it up.

Today was not one of those days.

I found Seth downstairs staring at his sketch-pad, pencil touching the edge of his lip and brows furrowed in a mix of frustration and concentration.

I kissed him on his ear, being careful not to let my eyes wander over his work. "What's up, baby?"

"I can't get it right," he replied simply.

"Can I see?" I hated when people looked at my art before I was ready to show it.

He scooted back and pulled me down to sit in his lap, holding his hand up towards the pencil sketch. There was a picture of me clipped to the top left corner, and his hand had copied it on a much larger scale. It was... well, it was beautiful, but not because it was of me. It was beautiful that he would be sitting down here and allowing himself to become frustrated while trying to capture an image of me when he could have just walked up the stairs and seen me himself.

"I don't understand what the problem is," I told him honestly as I continued to study both pictures of my peaceful face in slumber. "It looks exactly the same."

"That _is _the problem. It doesn't look exact, but I have no idea where I could have messed up. It just... it just doesn't compare to the real thing, I guess."

I turned towards him and stroked his cheek once tenderly. "And that's a problem with you?"

He smiled, just like I knew he would. "It might if this was all I had."

I turned back and laid my head against his broad shoulder. I examined the sketch inch by inch, but everything seemed to lign up exactly. Maybe it was my weaker human vision that kept me from seeing what he saw - or maybe it was the fact that I could never find myself to be as beautiful as he seemed to believe I was.

"Maybe I should paint you something for your birthday."

Seth sighed behind me, as he'd been doing every time I brought up his birthday. It wasn't his birthday that was actually bothering him - it was the weeks following his birthday that he didn't want to face.

The wolves and the Cullens were both freaking out still about the wolf-man Seth had killed, so due to that event and some scheduling conflicts, he wasn't going to be able to leave the area for awhile.

_I, _on the other hand, was leaving just two days after Seth's birthday and I was staying gone for about three weeks. It may have been selfish of me, but to stay would also be, especially after promising all my friends and relatives that they would be seeing me so soon. I just didn't have the heart to miss all the fun and to disappoint so many people all at the same time.

I felt guilty anyhow, and I think Seth may have been enjoying my weakness just a little bit. He had to be with the amount of bedroom time we'd spent together since he found out he couldn't accompany me. I'd barely been able to walk around here the past few days.

Seth leaned his torso away from me, and I assumed he was still trying to figure out the invisible flaw in his rendering.

"Why are you so dressed up today?" he asked, focusing on me instead.

"Umm..." I looked down at my t-shirt and jeans combo, wondering how in the hell this qualified as 'dressed up'. What was dressed down? Wearing a garbage bag?

"I mean, you've got your shoes on and everything," he clarified. "Are you going somewhere?"

"I'm not sure. I was going to see if you wanted to go walk out in the woods, the weather's so nice today..." I hadn't been allowed to walk around much since the night with the wolf. Usually, I would never stand for anyone trying to write me rules, but this time I had to put my immaturity aside and understand that it was just for protection. Obviously, the last thing Seth would want is my death. He just needed to feel like he was doing everything he could to protect me.

"Sounds like a plan."

I raised an eyebrow quickly but said nothing; no need to remind him of my imprisonment if he was going to let me out of here.

"Why don't you finish getting ready while I get your guitar and some other things?"

My joy bubbled over and I flashed him a huge smile, one that he gladly returned. I hugged him tight and kissed his mouth before jetting back up the stairs to get a jacket and some snacks together. I moved too slow for this to be a short trip.

"How did you... How come you never..." It was too much. Too much for words, too much for thought.

"I've always known it was here... well, for about ten years at least. I just never thought about it again until recently."

I whirled around, my finger out accusatorily. "You forgot about it? You simply _forgot _about a glorious waterfall that was less than three miles from my own home?"

Seth chuckled despite the harshness of my tone. "It just never occured to me. My head's always so filled up with you, not running water. This is just nature, it's beautiful, but there's a million more like it. _You, _on the other hand..."

I closed my eyes and held Seth's warm palm against my cheek. "You're really good at distracting me."

"You're easily distracted," he replied, a soft hot breath of air across my features.

He didn't kiss me; he turned away.

He'd been teasing me like this alot lately. At first I thought it was because he enjoyed it, and then I realized that he had just noticed that I enjoyed it. Kind of made me feel like I was chasing him, and the only way to win him over was to be as sweet as possible. The game always turned out well for the both of us.

I picked up the blanket we'd brought and spread it out on the mostly-flat ground, making certain we would still have the best possible view from our shared focal point. He moved towards me slowly, moved our picnic basket to the side and laid down beside of me, propping his head up on his elbow. I laid out on my back, loving the warm sun on my face and bare arms.

Seth lifted his arm and started running his fingertips slowly along the skin of my arm, the same way I liked to touch him.

"What are you thinking?" he asked quietly.

"How nice that feels," I answered immediately. He pushed my shirt up far enough to run his fingers across my abdomen.

"Do you want to know what I'm thinking?"

"If you want to tell me." I kept my eyes closed, but I could feel him moving beside of me.

"I'm thinking about how great my life is now that you're in it... Especially the last two weeks."

"I think the same thing alot about you."

"And I'm thinking about how incredibly beautiful you are, and how lucky I am."

I couldn't help but to smile. I was about to respond when I felt some of his weight pushing into me, saw his body blocking out the sun that had shone through my eyelids. It stunned me, having him so close without expecting it beforehand. My stomach did a few awkward flips of anxiousness.

His lips were firm but yielding, moving and curving in a dance with mine. The temperature alone made my blood boil, and the expertise with which he kissed had me gasping for more air.

His too-hot hands clutched at the skin around my middle, his touch becoming more rough and urgent, but as soon as my hands found his sides he was gone. My eyes flew open to see him lounging beside of me again, arms crossed behind his head as a smug smile played at the edges of his annoyingly perfect mouth.

"What are you thinking now?" he asked, his smile now full blown.

Well shit, two could play that game.

"I'm thinking that we didn't bring anything to go swimming in."

He frowned for a moment, then brightened back up.

"Is anyone near us at all?" I asked.

He listened for a second, then replied with an assured no.

I got up and walked toward the waterfall, kicking off my shoes first. I unbuttoned my pants and discarded them next, then tossed my t-shirt somewhere behind me.

"Liz?" I heard Seth mutter from the spot where I had left him. I turned towards him long enough to smile at his happily surprised face, then I rid myself of underwear and jumped straight into the deep pool at the bottom of the fall.

When I came up for air, Seth was still sitting there open-mouthed. He shook the shocked look from his face and jumped to his feet in one swift movement, pulling his shirt over his head. He started to run towards me while he undid the buttons of his jeans, but he was so caught up in staring that he took two steps and tripped, falling over his feet onto his face.

I gasped, worried that he was hurt until he jumped straight back up. Then I couldn't stop myself from giggling like crazy; he was covered in dirt and debris from head to toe, and he obviously wasn't hurt. Just excited. Surprisingly, the muck on him still couldn't detract from how beautiful he was.

He smirked at me as he carefully removed his bottoms, and then he splashed into the water a few feet from me.

"You're such a tease," he proclaimed as he shook the water from his hair.

"Got the panties to prove it!" I joked, referring to one of my thongs. He liked that pair.

His mouth stretched into a mischevious grin. "Come here," he beckoned, his voice a mix of sweetness and danger.

I shook my head no. "This is my game, not yours. I'm just fine over here."

He kept the same expression until he dove back under the blue water, and I could see him swimming towards me from below. He resurfaced in front of me, gripping my sides with his hands and pulling me into him. He leaned in to kiss me, then stopped a mere centimeter from my lips.

"What are the rules?" he murmured.

"Huh...?" I was having some trouble concentrating. My mind wasn't forming many words - it was focused on feelings, mine and his.

He made me feel incredibly good.

"The rules, to your game." He wrapped his fingers up into my hair and pulled to the side, revealing my neck. His tongue grazed the skin before his lips did, then he blew hot air on the same spot.

"Uhh..." was all that escaped my throat. I didn't actually have an answer for him, which he knew as well.

Then I realized that he was besting me, and I removed myself from the close proximity. He looked slightly dejected, so I ducked under the water to escape it for a second. When I came back up, he had the strangest look on his face.

"Get out of the water and wrap your towel around you. Quick," he practically commanded.

I was too shocked to argue. I swam back to the bank I'd come in on and pulled myself from the suction power of the natural pool, then ran to our blanket and hung the towel around my naked body. Seth stayed in the water, eyes closed as he thought hard about something. For once, I didn't ask what was about to happen, because I wasn't too sure I wanted to know.

He turned towards me and opened his eyes, seemingly satisfied that I had covered myself. Then Josh, Chris and Dave stepped out into my line of sight. Actually, they were no more than ten feet away from me.

"Liz!" Josh called excitedly. He moved towards me.

"Hey, wait!" I yelled as Seth - his voice low, yet much more authoratative - called out, "Stop right there," to him.

He didn't listen to either of us.

His arms were around me in less than a second as he picked my feet up off the ground. I clutched at my towel frantically, scared that it would fall down and give everyone out here a nice full view of a nude me.

"Don't worry, I won't get mad if it falls," Josh said quietly into my ear.

I couldn't hold him off, so I just waited for him to set me back down, fuming inside. Who the fuck does this guy think he is?

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" I yelled, voicing my thoughts effectively. "You can't just sneak up on me whenever you feel like it, and you can't _ever _put your hands on me! Ever."

He had the audacity to look surprised at my outburst, but I just stared him down, daring him to speak. My capacity for being kind to him had completely run out - I didn't care if I hurt his feelings, and I also could no longer care if Seth decided to hurt his other parts. After all, if the situation were reversed and there was some girl I wasn't fond of trying to flirt around with my man, I would have already beat the shit out of her. I probably would have taken it a bit further and spit on her, or broke into her home to piss on her floor.

Sick... but extremely effective.

Josh's cockiness was back, I could tell by the stupid smirk on his face.

"Are you really mad at me? For giving you a hug?" he asked, using a smart-ass voice.

"I'm mad at you for trying to get with me when you know Seth has had claim since the very beginning. I'm mad at you for interfering with our relationship so many times, for trying to make him jealous, and yes, I am definitely mad at you for showing up in the middle of a private moment between me and my man and for touching me when you can see that I'm quite naked. It's fucking disrespectful."

He mulled it over for a second, not taking his eyes off of me.

"Does that answer your question, or should I keep going?" I asked, and now I was the one feeling cocky. But we all knew he had it coming from me, and that it was just a matter of time before I blew up at him.

"I think you're a little more mad that you can't help but be attracted to me," he finally said. "Even if you do love Seth."

"Well, I think you are pretty fucking full of yourself," I replied with a huff. I grabbed my clothing and trudged off towards the woods, my feet hanging out of the back of my tennis shoes. The boys were talking to eachother now, and I made sure I was far away enough to not hear them in the hopes that they would not be able to see me as I re-dressed myself. I pulled up all of my dripping hair into a sloppy bun on top of my head, and then I sat down against a tree. I was feeling too embarassed to just march straight back into the wolf den.

I finally swallowed my pride and got up to brush the dirt off of my jeans.

"There you are," Seth said from behind me, making me jump like the scaredy-cat that I was being today.

"Sorry," he murmured before gathering me up in his arms. "Thank you for all that."

"For what?" I asked as he nuzzled his face to my throat.

"For standing up to Josh like that. It really means alot to me."

"He deserved it, the fuckwad. I mean seriously, who acts like that?" We started back in the direction of my house hand in hand as I rambled on. "I've met so many guys that act like they're God's gift, but never one quite so brazen about it. Do you think he'll leave us alone now?"

"I don't know for sure, he's been pretty hard to deter since he met you. But hopefully he gets the idea after all of that."

"What did they say after I left?"

Seth sighed. "He made a few comments about your, uh, your... appearance."

I rolled my eyes.

"And he said to make sure we show up at my party on Saturday."

I started giggling, and Seth eyed me questioningly.

"Only Josh..." I laughed, not knowing how to finish my statement.

We made it home without any more incident, and then we ate some fruit and hopped into the shower together. We were both still playing, teasing eachother instead of doing the deed like we usually would. One second I would be dying to jump him, and the next I would be basking in the tension we'd built up. It was a nice kind of tension, not the typical I-want-to-rip-your-head-off kind. This was pure lust.

Things wound down as the sun set behind the clouds, and I realized again how much an improvement my life was now to what it had been. For the first time in my life, I felt calm and in control. I felt carefree, like all the stress of who I was just a couple of weeks ago had already faded away. I knew I would have more to face as time passed on, but I honestly felt like I was okay enough to handle it for once.

I felt proud of myself - another first - and I told Seth so.

"I think," he paused to peck my cheek, "That you are absolutely amazing."

I rolled my eyes, though I couldn't help but to smile.

"No babe, seriously. I know I've said that to you before, and I definitely meant it then, but now you just seem so... So much stronger than before. You took charge of your life. You took responsibility for what you've felt you've done wrong. I couldn't be _more _proud of you."

He hugged me close, which was good because then he couldn't see the wide-eyed comprehension on my face. Something he'd said - the part about taking responsibility, in particular - had made me realize how much more I would have to do to set my life straight again. I had avoided alot of things from my past for a really long time... Sooner or later, I had to fess up.

The prospect of it was terrifying to me.

Seth noticed how stiff I was and asked me what was wrong, pulling back to examine my face. I put on my smile like I always did, then opened my mouth to say that nothing was wrong.

Instead, I frowned and sat down on the love seat.

"I've seen people get killed before," I blurted out. Seth sat down next to me, waiting to hear more. "Like, people that I knew really well, people that cared about me. And... lots of other stuff."

I had promised to come clean, but not necessarily to Seth. I didn't want to hide anything from him, but these were all things that had happened before I knew him, and to people that he didn't know. I had to come clean, but I had to be home to do it.

"I know," he replied easily.

My jaw could have touched the ground. "H... Wha... " My brain couldn't even form a coherent word.

"Edward said you were throwing images at him, trying to get him to keep out. He didn't know what was real and what wasn't, but he knew you weren't just imagining all the things he saw in there."

"So you two discussed my thoughts? Is there anything left in the world that's private?"

"He just wanted to let me know what I was getting myself into."

"Stupid mind reader. What else did he tell you about?"

Seth smiled, bright and beautiful. "That you love me. Alot."

"Well, that's kind of obvious..." I tried to remember the billions of thoughts I had had when ever Edward was around, but to no avail. "Seth, I..."

He waited, but I may as well have finished with, "Can't tell you what I was about to say." I couldn't bring myself to. I knew that he very well knew that I was far from perfect, but I doubt he could imagine me seriously hurting someone, and it was too much to ruin whatever image he may have of me. He could handle alot of things, but this was the definite bomb to be dropped.

"... Really do love you," I finished. I could tell he knew I'd switched the course of my words, but he let it slide for now. "More than you know."

He rubbed my back tenderly, making circles with his big hand. "Whatever it is, you can tell me when you're good and ready. Just know that it doesn't matter. Nothing that you've done in your life can change the way that I feel about you."

He pulled me to him again, wrapping me in love and comfort and safety. I could only hope that he was right, that nothing could change this... It was hard, but I had to hope.


	38. Stupid, Stupid Man

**Chapter Thirty Eight - Stupid, Stupid Man**

I figured going to a party where there was alot of alcohol and not drinking was going to be pretty tough. What I failed to anticipate was how utterly irritating it would be. I felt like a fucking spectator at a zoo. Was this what I had looked like all the time when I was shitfaced? If so, good thing I stopped drinking.

These people were making complete asses of themselves; Bumping and grinding on total strangers to too-loud music, tripping over their own feet and knocking into things and people around them, hooking up with people they'd never met before... It was kind of disgusting to watch.

Especially sober.

Well, mostly sober. I bent the rules and puffed some herb with Seth and Kim and Jarred a little while ago, but the effects had mostly worn off by now.

Seth was in the partying spirit tonight more than I had ever seen him before, and it was making me feel awkward and uncomfortable to be standing alone in a room full of people while he played beer pong with his friends. I didn't have much choice but to examine the train wreck happening in front of me, and it was doing nothing to improve my mood.

"Liz!" Kim's slurred voice called out before she pushed through a few people to stand in front of me. "Why are you standing here all by yourself?"

"I don't know."

"Well come and dance with me!" She spun around, accidentally hitting some dude in the back. She didn't seem to notice.

"Umm.." I didn't really want to. In all honesty, what I wanted to do was go home. I couldn't though - it was Seth's birthday, it would be beyond shitty if I left in the middle of his party.

Seth actually appeared just then, right beside of Kim. She threw her arms around him and pecked his cheek, wishing him a happy birthday. I knew I shouldn't, but I felt the slightest tinge of jealousy watching them.

"Babe, you look bored," Seth commented after shaking Kim off.

"I'm sorry," I replied instantly.

"You know, it's not a big deal if you want to drink some tonight. It's not going to hurt anything." This wasn't the first time he suggested it, and I had to work to not show my irritation. I didn't want to drink, and I also really did not want to fight. Things had been going too well to mess them up just because I was being immature and impulsive.

"It's okay. I was about to go and dance with Kim."

He smiled widely, pleased that I was going to stop pooping his party. "Have fun," he said before kissing my lips sweetly. It made me pleased with myself for not starting an argument that wasn't necessary.

Kim gripped my hand and started pulling me towards a free space in the crowd. There was some jammin' rock blasting through the small house, and it was easy to close my eyes and let go a little, move my body with the beat. My hair was in long, loose waves and I shook it around, basking in the feeling of freedom. Kim kept my hand as we stepped and jumped and shook our bodies. I found myself smiling and laughing wildly as we spun around and around with eachother.

"Woo, Liz! You're fuckin' hot!" Kim yelled over the music.

I licked my finger and touched it to my ass, causing both of us to giggle at me. Truth was, I felt pretty fuckin' hot, and I was loving it.

I was glad to be rid of my bad mood, and proud of myself for not having to get drunk to do it.

We danced for another couple of songs, and some other people joined in our little group. I was embarassed at first, but then I couldn't care less who was watching or what they might think of my moves. I was having a blast, and that made it worth it.

I eventually stepped away to try and find Seth, and to catch my breath; I forgot what a good workout dancing could be. I wandered around the living room and then the kitchen, searching through all the tallest guys until I happened upon the right one. I went out the back door and circled around the side to go back in the front, still not finding Seth or anyone that could tell me where he'd went. I went back through the living room and checked the bathroom, then I knocked on the door to Collin's bedroom.

Someone pulled the door open, and the first person I saw inside was a girl that I didn't recognize. Then I saw Collin, then Dave, then Seth.

I was stunned and couldn't move. I even held my breath. Paranoia rocked through my system, flooding my brain to a horrifying extent. Why was he in a closed up room with another girl?

"Liz what's wrong?" Seth asked quickly, anxiously. He stood up and took two steps towards me, placing his hand on my shoulder. "Baby, you're scaring me." He shook me gently. "Can you say something, please?"

"I..." Am totally freaking out. For no reason, I hope. I took a deep breath and tried again. "I was looking for you. I need to go to the bathroom now."

I looked at him and I could see something click in his head. "Oh, no, I'm so sorry..." He started following me to the bathroom. "I didn't even consider that that would be wierd, but I can see why it would to you."

I shut both of us inside and flipped the light on, locking the door. "It just... surprised me."

"That's Amy, she's my third or fourth cousin. She has a crush on Collin."

Relief was truly a nice feeling. "It's fine. So, are you having fun?"

"Yeah! This is definitely the most packed any of my birthday parties has ever been." He leaned against the sink and sipped his beer while I dropped my jeans to pee. He looked super relaxed, but he seemed hyper at the same time. Maybe he'd had a Jaeger-bomb or something. He started saying more about his party, getting animated as he went on. I was glad he was having fun, but something seemed off about how he was acting. Not wrong, just not like Seth - and it wasn't the alcohol.

"Baby," I began, cutting him off. "Did you do something else? Besides drink?"

He stopped and seemed startled, so I finished my business and got up to come closer to him. That's when I got a good look at his eyes, and my heart dropped.

His pupils were dots... and the lights were low.

He was on opiates.

"You did a pill?" I whispered, terrified of the answer, terrified that it could have been something even worse. What if someone had given him heroin?

"Are you mad?" he asked, and suddenly I was. More than mad - I was furious.

"Just answer the question," I snapped.

"It was an OC twenty," he answered, sounding ashamed.

"Who gave it to you?"

We had a stare down as I waited for his answer. Finally, he muttered Dave's name under his breath.

I was out of the bathroom and searching him down before you could say 'pickadilly'. He wasn't in the bedroom anymore, so I started shoving the people too dumb to move on their own out of my way in my search. I finally located him in the kitchen and started marching up to him, gathering my fury and my courage along the way.

Chris saw me coming and smiled, then shifted his expression to one of confusion. Dave turned to see what he was staring at, and he seemed confused as well.

I considered hitting him; clocking him in the jaw or kicking him in the balls, but I remembered that any strength I possessed would be entirely ineffective on one of these guys. So instead, I slapped his beer out of his hand and got on my tip-toes, trying to get in his face though I still fell a few inches too short.

"Liz?" he spoke quietly, looking kind of terrified.

"You stupid fucking meat-head piece of shit!" I yelled so loud that it seemed the whole house went silent. "Don't you ever fucking give my boyfriend your god damn trailer park trash dope again!" I swear that I could hear all of the jaws dropping at once.

Dave's face became clear, and then he seemed livid as my words sunk in.

"Who are you? His mommy?" he asked, his tone pure smart-ass.

"No, but I'll bend your big ass over my knee and spank the shit out of you like I'm _your _mommy, you don't watch your fuckin' shit," I countered, my voice serious though I knew the threat was empty.

He was at a loss for words at that one.

I leaned in closer to his face, glowering at him. "You wanna be a pillhead? Fine. But you drag my man into that shit, I'll show you what the fuck true fear is," I hissed, my voice frightening even to my own ears.

With one final glare, I spun on my heel and headed straight out the back door, then straight to my car. I didn't want to be here anymore, not with how incredibly pissed off I had just become. The nerve of that asshole!

I raced away from La Push, but instead of driving towards my house, I hit the interstate and decided that a long drive might do me some good. Give me a chance to calm down, and to sort through what had just happened. I cursed Dave repeatedly, then cursed at myself twice as much.

I knew I had just ruined Seth's birthday. I might say I'd fucked up his friendship with Dave too, but they weren't really friends. They usually hated eachother. I'd made an ass of myself, and of both of them and anyone else that may dabble in pain pills that heard what I said.

And now I was running away, in typical me fashion. Sometimes it was just too much to handle all at once, and right now was the epitome of one of those times.

I started to cry, which really just made me feel more stupid, and now weak. Why couldn't I have just held off? Just left without saying something, wake up tomorrow and pretend that Seth hadn't been doped up the night before?

I saw a place to cut across and made an illegal U-turn to head back home. This was something I would have to face sooner or later, and I may not have the balls to later.

When I made it through the front door of my home, I found myself experiencing strong disappointment; I had sub-consciously thought he would be here waiting for me, but the house was dark and empty. It was ridiculous of me to expect him to leave his own party because of me and my shitty attitude tonight... But I had expected it nonetheless.

I got some pajamas and went in for a shower, wishing the water to soothe some of my stress. It didn't. I left the bathroom in a haze, worry knotting up my insides.

And he still was not here.

How much damage could I have caused? How long would I have to wait to find out?

I flipped open my phone at least three times ready to call him, but then I'd come up with some excuse to wait a little longer. I kept expecting him to show up at any minute, and each one that passed in which he didn't scared me a bit more. I finally decided I had waited long enough, and since I had been the one to mess up then I should call him.

_I'm so sorry, _I texted.

I waited a few minutes, but no reply came.

_Will you call me? Are you coming home tonight? I don't know how many times you need me to apologize, but I'll do it. I'm sorry._

I waited... and waited. Maybe he just couldn't hear his phone, if he was still at the party. Or maybe he'd gone wolf to blow off some steam, and didn't have his phone with him. I hoped it was one of those instead of just him ignoring me because he was mad, but the longer I sat and thought, the more convinced I was that it was the latter.

I eventually curled up on my side, wishing that he was lying here with me, keeping me warm and happy. I couldn't stand the not knowing, and it had only been a few hours. What if he kept this up for days, weeks even?

I could very possibly lose my mind.

I drifted in and out of an uneasy, empty feeling sleep. It wasn't long before I woke to pressure on the matress beside of me, and my heart practically sang out with joy.

"Seth," I sighed, no longer worried if he was mad or not. He was here, and that meant we could talk and work things out. We would be happy again.

"Shhh, I didn't mean to wake you up, baby." He kissed my temple, gently pushing some hair behind my ear.

"I'm sorry for earlier."

"Let's talk in the morning," he said as he yawned. "We're alright; I'm not mad at you. We need some sleep..."

He nestled closer to me, and I drifted away again, this time with a smile on my face. The prospect of tomorrow was an unhappy thought, so I pushed it far from my mind as I sank into dreams of what I had today: The love of my life.


	39. Punch, Fight, Fuck

**Chapter Thirty Nine - Punch, Fight, Fuck**

I believe my head was on the verge of exploding... It had been a rough couple of days. After the bullshit on the night of Seth's birthday, I realized how angry I was at him - and how worried I was about him now. He really didn't know what he was getting into, and I knew all too well.

Add to that the fact that I was leaving the state for a little while without him, and we had a recipe for disaster.

Ever since the morning after the party, pretty much all we had done was fight and fuck. We would argue and make up with eachother, have sex, and before we could get our pants back on we were arguing again. It was stressing me out more than I should be allowing it to, especially since I had no vices left to comfort and calm me. All that I had to make me feel better now was him, and it didn't work right when he was the one causing me the problems.

"Why did you have to cuss at him? If you have a problem with something that I do, you need to come to me! Not get mad and go off on whoever else you're blaming for what I do." Seth was exploding again, speaking to me in a way that I wouldn't have even considered him capable of just days before.

My arguing was no surprise, to me or to him - this was who I was. I was a fucking fighter. The wierd thing was, I didn't want to anymore. I kept trying to calm him down but he would just keep it going. And we had just barely touched on what his real problem with me was; he didn't care about me flipping out the other night. He just didn't want me to go.

So I figured I should tell him so.

"That's not why you're mad," I murmured, glad of his good hearing. If I had to repeat myself, I would probably start yelling.

I said I didn't want to fight anymore, not that I wasn't extremely pissed off.

"Why am I mad then, Liz? Since you're psychic or something."

I had to bite the inside of my cheek and take deep breaths. He was pushing me too far, to the point that I was beginning to think that he actually wanted me to freak out on him and say something that I couldn't take back. I was trying my damndest not to, but I was teetering right at that edge of just telling him to go fuck himself. That's not what you say when you love someone and I was well aware of that, but I was still close.

"You're mad because I'm going, even though you can't come with me. You're mad that I didn't just choose to stay here instead."

He looked at me with so much disdain that I almost flipped him off.

"And the worst part," I said, gaining momentum in my words, "Is that I haven't even left yet, and instead of trying to get me to do what you want, you're just fucking starting screaming matches with me!" I yelled. Good thing my neighbors weren't right on top of me or they would have already called the cops by now.

"Why would you say that? Why would you even _think _that?" he asked after a moment, being careful to keep his voice level. "Not once have I asked you to not go on your little _trip." _

His tone was filled with mockery, and it pushed me that final inch. I jumped up from my seat at the foot of my bed and clenched my hands together, digging my nails into my palms.

"NO! You didn't, did you? You just fucking sat around here moping and frowning your ass off, trying to make me feel bad for you without having to actually say what your issue was with me, then fucking expected me to figure it out and to do what you wanted of me!"

His eyebrows lowered and his stance shifted from defensive to hurt, but it was too late; I couldn't stop now.

"But guess what, Seth? I'm NOT going to do what you want, 'cause this is _my _life, not yours! And I'm going to do whatever the fuck is going to make me happy! And right now, you are making me absolutely miserable!" I ran my fingers through my hair, yanking it at its roots.

I caught the look on his face and couldn't stand it; Couldn't stand seeing it and especially couldn't stand that I was the one who had put it there. Then I remembered that this was his fault. He could have been honest about how he felt, he could have done alot to avoid this.

I turned away and stared at my comforter. "Maybe you should go somewhere else and cool off. Give me a chance to do the same."

It didn't hurt yet, but I knew that it would soon. Maybe it did hurt and I was just ignoring that fact.

"Liz..." he muttered pathetically, all the fight in him gone. "Liz, baby... Please don't say that. I love you, I'm sorry for fighting with you."

He stepped towards me and placed his hand gently on my shoulder, but I was not ready to forgive yet. I said nothing as I shook his hand away, then crossed my arms tightly over my chest to keep myself from trying to reach out for him.

I could almost hear his heart breaking as he turned from my back and walked away...

I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt. Part of me expected him to argue against me some more, tell me that he wasn't going to go. But that's not what had happened. He had been gone for a few hours now, and instead of arguing with him, I was just sitting around having a vicious battle with myself. I couldn't figure out who had done more wrong, who had taken the most hurt. I wondered idly if it really mattered; we'd both been wrong, both treated eachother in a way that was clearly uncaring and unacceptable - but the internal struggle raged on.

He didn't call. I couldn't be sure if he was somewhere close, outside and hidden away from my weak eyes, but I didn't feel him there as I usually did.

I couldn't figure out how big of a blow to our relationship this situation was going to be. Were we broken up? Were we technically dating in the first place? Was that last question very important? Was this what I wanted?

I surely didn't want to have another fight with him. It was making me feel shitty about myself, more and more with every word said by either one of us. I could have shut my mouth or walked away or done anything besides what I'd done, but I just didn't have it in me. It was instinctual; when somebody hurts me, I hurt them back. Nevermind that hurting him hurt me as well, so that I ended up taking the pain in doubles. I still couldn't stop myself... and I was paying for it.

I couldn't sleep. I laid there for hours and hours, tossing and turning and inviting Luna to lay in my spacious bed with me. I tried to find comfort in stroking her soft fur with my fingers, but nothing was working. I watched the sun rise behind my closed curtains before I gave in and started to text Seth, telling him that I was sorry. I hated to be the first to break, but one of us had to be and he wasn't going to fast enough.

It took about a millisecond for him to respond that he was sorry, too.

_Can I come home now? _he asked another second later. Part of me still wanted to fight him. Wanted him to admit his wrongs, at the very least, or listen to me bitch about them at the most.

_Yeah, of course, _I said, throwing all the bullshit aside. I shouldn't force him to say things he didn't need to say to me, especially when I myself was not willing to do the same for him in return. We'd had words - it was done now. The fight was over, and all I really wanted deep down was for him to come to me and help me feel right again. My center was off-balance without him, as much as I disliked admitting so.

Within five minutes, he was on his side next to me, putting the world back in order. I finally was calm enough to shut my eyes and get some sleep.

I don't know why I expected everything to be good again so suddenly. Just an hour after we were up and awake, we were right back where we had started, fighting and cussing at eachother.

"Just stay here with me instead," he had said to me, a look of pure innocence on his face.

It set me the fuck off. Who was he? How could he ask that in good conscience?

"First you're mad because you know that I want you to stay, and I'm starting arguments over it without actually saying it. Now you're mad because I'm saying it! What the hell am I supposed to do?" he'd yelled, loud enough to raise my temper just that much more.

"Why not just fucking be cool about it?" I screamed in return, and I swear a look crossed his face that suggested he hadn't even considered this plan of action before. But he was too mad to admit it. "If you were, I'd be gone a couple of weeks, I'd come home and it'd be fuckin' business as usual!"

"I don't know if I can take a couple of weeks, Liz! Look, I'm sorry, but you said you wanted me to be honest about how I felt, and that's how I feel! I'm scared to be away from you - and I'm scared for you to be away from me."

"So just push me further and further..." I mumbled, slinging my full duffle bag across my shoulder. I picked up the rest of my luggage, finally let Seth take the majority after a few dirty looks, then headed out to the car.

He set my things down in the driveway as I threw my bag into the backseat.

"Liz, I'm asking you... For the sake of my _fucking _sanity! Please, please don't go," he pleaded, looking as if his sanity truly was at stake.

I was too angry to care. I picked up my shit and tossed it in the car, much harder than was necessary. "And I'm telling you no, Seth. I'm going on my trip, just like I fucking planned to, and if you can't handle that, then I'm sorry. I'm not missing out on my life just to please someone who's not me."

I got into the car and started the engine, pulling my seatbelt on hastily. He ducked down to face me through the window, hurt coating his features. The hurt quickly turned to anger.

"Elizabeth," he addressed me formally, making me want to stick my tongue out at him like a two year old. "If you leave right now..."

I was pissed too. "If I leave right now, which I am, then what, Seth?"

He locked eyes with me, dead fucking serious. "Then don't come back. _Ever."_

We stared eachother down for a minute or so, both daring the other to take it any further. I was so mad that I wanted to punch him or something, but I stayed in my seat, fuming inside. He backed away and crossed his arms over his chest, waiting to see what my next decision would be.

I backed the car down the drive and hit the road.

Less than two minutes passed before my phone went off, alerting me to a text from him. Again, I expected something much different than what I got.

_I mean it, _it said, and that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Who could have guessed that he would be the one to do irreparable damage?

I stupidly tossed my phone out of the open car window and kissed the state of Washington - and the only real love I had ever known in my short life - goodbye.


	40. Have You Ever Seen The Rain?

**Chapter Forty - Have You Ever Seen The Rain? (Seth's PoV)**

"Elizabeth," I stated in a cold voice. "If you leave right now..." I didn't want to say it. I knew I didn't mean it, or at least I wouldn't once I was calmed down. But I couldn't help it; my instincts were screaming at me to pull all the punches to get her to stay.

I was really just pushing her away.

"If I leave right now, which I am, then what, Seth?" she asked, defiant as ever.

I should've known not to say it.

"Then don't come back. _Ever."_

She stared at me for a moment, unable to keep the emotions from flitting across her features. She was shocked, and then she was just angry. Possibly more angry than I had gotten the chance to witness before this moment.

I backed away from her and waited, telling myself over and over that she would choose me over some stupid concerts.

She didn't.

I even tried to text her, letting her know how serious I was about this. If she was leaving, she may as well be leaving _me. _How was I supposed to know that she was safe if we were so far apart? What if someone did something to her? What if she did something to me? I didn't have any reason not to trust her, but it was hard for me to anyways. I had been paranoid about this since we had met, and it hadn't gotten any better.

I realized she wasn't going to answer me and sat down on one of the large rocks that bordered her home. A feeling of dread crept over me, and my mind began to race with thoughts of her taking me seriously and not returning to me.

How could I have been so incredibly stupid? Now instead of waiting here for her to come home, I couldn't be sure that she was ever coming back or speaking to me. And of course it had to be entirely my fault.

All my anger at her that had built inside of me for weeks now had vanished into an emptiness in the pit of my stomach. The things she had said to me out of her own anger didn't matter anymore, because she wouldn't have said them and maybe not even have thought them if I hadn't created a huge problem between us for no reason.

I felt sick.

I swiveled my head around and stared at the big house, and it seemed to be staring back at me, daring me to enter or to leave it abandoned. Would it be right for me to go inside of her home? It had been _our _home for a brief period of time. All my things were inside.

I stood up and finally made my way towards the door.

On the way up the stairs, I called Liz's phone as the first drops of rain landed on the ground. The sky was clear but the rain was coming quick, and now I was worried about her getting caught in a storm.

She didn't answer, so my super awesome apology didn't get the chance to be heard. Yet. I started sending texts as I went inside and shut myself in, wondering when I might go back outside.

She didn't answer. She didn't call. I was a giant dumbass.

I didn't know what to do. So I laid out on our bed and started flipping through channels on the t.v.

By dark, my phone started going off. I leaped for it and crashed off the edge of the bed, smacking my skull against Liz's dresser. I was too excited to care, and then I saw that it wasn't her. Just my stupid sister.

"I have to keep this line open," I said in one breath, prepared to hang up on her.

"Found your girlfriend's phone, thought you guys might want to know."

I felt sick. Again. "Where did you find it?"

"On the side of the road, not too far from your house. Do you want me to bring it there?"

"NO!" I yelled. "No," I said, much calmer. "Leave it exactly where you found it. I'm coming to you." I hung up the phone and started running.

I don't know why this task suddenly seemed like the most important thing in the world to me, but it did. I think it was taking awhile for everything to hit me; instead, I was feeling a million tiny blows that couldn't yet amount to the biggest one of all.

I got to the spot where Leah was waiting and went into some sort of investigation mode. My nose dropped to the ground, sniffing for any trace of her. I found the phone quickly, though the rain had pretty much obliterated her scent.

I phased and picked it up, then flipped it open. It was waterproof, and the battery was almost full still. There was a box on the screen stating that she had fifteen new messages, almost all of them surely from me.

I thanked Leah and ran back home, flipping through the messages to see how many she had actually read. Of course, it was only the horrible one - the first one that I had sent her, the one that I could never take back.

_Stupid Stupid IDIOT!_

I was getting worked up into a frenzy, one hand clutching the phone almost hard enough to break it while the other tugged at the roots of my short hair. I sat down and tried to even out my breathing as I looked through the contact list, wondering who she would have called by now. She'd only been gone for a few hours, but I couldn't wait the days that it should take for her to get back to West Virginia.

I called her mom, who answered with a cheery hello.

"Is Liz there?" I blurted, knowing the answer was no and still somehow feeling disappointed about that fact.

"No," she answered slowly. "Should she be? When did she leave?"

"I'm sorry. She only left earlier today, but she... left her phone and I'm worrying about her."

"Oh, well I'm sure she's just fine sweetheart! Liz is a good driver, she's been doing it for so long now." Liz's mom chuckled tentatively to herself, doing nothing to ease my building dread.

"Yeah, um... Will you ask her to call me when she does get in?"

"Of course. I thought that you were coming with her."

"I couldn't. We had a scheduling conflict."

"Well, I'll tell her when I see her," she finished.

"Thanks."

I hung up and called Ana.

"Bitch! I was supposed to hear from you hours ago!"

It took me longer than it should have to realize I was dialing out from Liz's phone, so everyone I called would think it was her first.

"Um, Ana, it's me. Seth."

"Is everything okay?" she asked immediately, suddenly worried.

"Liz left her phone on accident." Only the last part was a lie. "I'm worried about her not having it, so will you make sure she calls me whenever you hear from her?"

"Yeah, but she'll probably call you before she calls me."

"I don't know. Have you heard anyone else say that they've heard from her today?"

"No..." she paused, one of those loaded silences where you know the other person is about to say more or ask you something touchy. "Is something the matter between you guys?"

"I, er, uh... I don't know," I blatantly lied. I wasn't sure if I should be talking to her about any of this.

"What was the last thing she said to you before she left?"

I remembered just as soon as she asked, and now the memory was so shockingly painful that I physically flinched at it. "What does that matter?"

"Did she tell you she loved you?"

She hadn't. She hadn't said that to me at all today.

"Liz always parts with a 'Love you!' Ya know, just in case. She's extremely paranoid. So, what did she say? And don't lie about remembering."

"The last thing she said to me was, 'If I leave, which I am, then what, Seth?'" I tried to repeat it in the same tone she had used without it sounding like mockery.

"Ouch," Ana replied, her voice on the edge of her teeth. "Did you give her some kind of ultimatum or something?" she demanded accusatorily.

I pulled at my hair some more. "I was a complete idiot!" I yelled into the tiny piece of plastic and metal. "I was so scared of her leaving, but she left me anyway, and now... and now she's probably never coming back," I finally admitted, both to Ana and to myself. I had to choke out each word.

"Left _you _anyway? You do realize she's supposed to be back there in like, two to three weeks. Maximum. Right? She wasn't leaving you, not in any permanent way. But now..."

"But now," I sighed. "What can I do? She tossed her phone on the side of the road. I have no way of getting ahold of her! No way of making anything better."

"Yeah, you messed up big time. But have a little faith in my Lizzy; she's all tough and hard on the outside, but on the inside she's just a big romantic softie. She won't be able to stay away for long. She loves you."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I know her. She's confusing as fuck but you start to get the hang of her after a few years," she giggled. "She's only been gone a few months and when she gets here, I'll have seen her twice in that time. She can't go without the people she cares about for too long. She craves us, as much as we do her."

Now she sounded like she was in love with her.

"I'll try to talk to her for you."

"Could you not mention that we talked about this so much? I think it would make her mad."

"Sorry, but no. I took that shit to heart when they told me honesty was the best policy. When it comes to my friends, anyway. Besides, you'll find out eventually that no one gets anything past that girl. She's like a fucking CSI or something."

"Yeah... okay. Well, thanks. Please... Just tell her that I'm sorry for being so stupid. Tell her that I love her."

It was her turn to sigh. "I will, promise. See ya later man."

The line went blank, and so did my brain. I was out for at least twenty hours as far as I could tell, and I woke up curled on the edge of the bed like a cat. I think my heart was trying to bypass some of the torment and emptiness by knocking me out until it was remotely possible for me to hear from her.

I waited, watched t.v., listened to music, looked through old pictures... And waited some more. I started feeling cramped and went for a run, but I didn't feel any more hopeful about the situation. Actually, my hope was running out, and I was going crazy. I had never missed anyone so much in my life - not even people that had left the Earth for good.

I waited on and on... And she didn't call.

* * *

**(Liz's POV)**

"I wanna know... Have you ever seen the rain?" I sang along with my guitar. "I wanna know... Have you ever seen the rain... Comin' down on a sunny day?"

I finished and the small crowd inside of Betty Jean's Bar applauded me. I had stopped somewhere outside of Lousville, Kentucky when I saw signs plastered everywhere for an Open Mic Night.

Music was still my favorite of escapes.

My turn was over, so I unplugged my guitar and stepped down from the stage, trying to keep the tears from exiting the corners of my eyes. I wasn't paying enough attention to my feet, and I ended up tripping over one of the sound system's cords.

A pair of arms caught me before my head knocked into a table. "Whoa... you better be careful. That guitar looks pretty expensive," the face that went to the arms said. The accent wasn't from Kentucky, it was straight Southern West Virginia. And I recognized the voice.

I straightened up and eyeballed the tall man in front of me. "Hi," I finally said. "Haven't seen you in a long time."

"You're tellin' me," Mikey replied. "What 'chu doin' all the way out here?"

"I moved out of state a few months ago." I started walking towards my guitar case as he followed behind me. "I'm on my way back in now."

I tried to ignore how hard he seemed to be studying my face. "You're not movin' back there, are you?" he finally asked.

"I don't know," I answered as I pulled the strap across my shoulder and chest.

"I wouldn't recommend it," he said as I was turning away and heading for the door. He followed me again.

"Why's that?"

"That place is hell, girl. Nothin' but coal minin' and moonshinin' in them hills, and you ain't no coal miner."

I raised my eyebrows at him. "I'll try to remember that." I already _did _remember that; I grew up hearing it enough. "I have to go, everyone is expecting me and I haven't called."

"Be careful," he warned before turning and going back into the bar.

A couple of hours later, I was knocking on Ana's front door. As soon as we were alone in her room, she started badgering me to call Seth. apparently they had chatted about me, about our situation. It just pissed me off more.

"I'm not calling him right now! You can't imagine what a dick he was being."

"You love him! You know you're going to forgive him, so why not do it now? You've forgiven alot more for other people that you cared less about."

I passed her the spliff and released the smoke straining my lungs slowly. "I'll call him when I'm ready - I don't want to talk about it anymore." I got up and put in the Dead's greatest hits, then pressed the play button on Ana's crappy stereo. "We have to get ready for All Good."

Ana giggled. "How do we do that? I didn't know we had to prepare."

I plopped down on her bed and lit another joint up. "We smoke some more!"

"Well I think I'm ready, in that case," she laughed. She laid down beside of me, and we both stared at the glow-in-the-dark stars on her ceiling. I had helped her put them up a long, long time ago. It was kind of funny to imagine my life back then, how simple everything had been.

Nothing like now.

"Are you really not going back?" Ana whispered after a very long silence.

I exhaled heavily. "I don't know..." She put her hand over mine. "I love Seth, but I have to admit that he's better off without me."

She jerked her head around to look at me incredulously. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

I cocked my head at her. "Sweetie, be serious. You have to see that I'm a bad influence on him. I've been a bad influence to everyone I've been around since birth, pretty much. I know you think alot of me, but you don't have to lie to yourself. Look at how you changed once I was a big part of your life."

She smiled widely at me. "Every good memory I have has you in it, crazy girl."

I rolled my eyes. "Every bad memory does, too. That's what happens when you spend almost every waking hour of your life with someone."

"Lots of sleep hours, too. Liz, you are too hard on yourself sometimes. So what if you like to party sometimes? Everybody else around here does, and they don't see anything wrong with it."

"It's not just partying! I involve myself in the whole culture... It's not normal. Normal people don't do the things that people around here do. You need to see what the rest of the world is like outside of these mountains. It's alot different than you would expect."

"Did you know that Americans only make up less than five percent of the entire population of the world, but we consume about seventy percent of all the drugs in the world?"

I stared at her for a second before we both busted out laughing.

"Where did you read that?"

"Playboy."

We hung out for a couple of hours, listening to the Dead and a bunch of other jam bands. Ana had been to the Sunshine Daydream grounds twice already this summer. She was looking forward to All Good and Jerry's Bash, but she was glad to be going to some metal shows before she went to another festival. They were fun as hell, truly life-changing, but they had their own downsides - running around dirt and grass in the blistering heat, wigging out on drugs and getting really dirty were a bit of an annoyance. Before I moved, we would just ride out to my grandma's house and grab a quick shower, but Ana didn't want to go there without me. She'd had to endure two three-day weekends without bathing.

I finally left her house and went to my Mom's. She tried to keep me talking for a little while, but I had been on the road for so long and was dying for a nap. She reluctantly saw me off to bed, exiting with a smile and a wish for sweet dreams.

I laid there for a long time, singing Rosemary to myself, picturing me in the garden of scarlet and purple and crimson and blue... I fell asleep just as the last line left my lips, sinking into a deep dream world of lonely, empty-feeling horror.

_"No one may come here, since no one can stay..."_


	41. Dire Wolf

**Chapter Forty One - Dire Wolf (Seth's PoV)**

A week had passed. Liz hadn't called me once, and every time I tried calling someone she knew, they ignored me. I knew the fight we had was bad, but did it need to be this bad? She could at least talk to me, let me know that she's alright and everything. I'd be glad just for that tiny amount of contact.

I was broken. I felt like my insides had been ripped out of me. My head was such a mess that no one would stay in wolf form if I was, and I got commanded to remain human whenever Jacob needed to be phased.

I had tried to make a break for West Virginia a few times, even though I knew that that wasn't where Liz was right now. Today she was supposed to be in North Carolina at a Black Dahlia show. She was probably having a great time, dancing and moshing, seeing her old friends. She obviously wasn't going through what I was, or she would stop ignoring me.

How could I not have seen that she didn't need me the way I needed her? Had she even loved me at all? I don't think she did. And no one else seemed to either, or they wouldn't have stopped me from going to her. They said to wait until I knew if she wanted to see me - translation being, she didn't want to see me. That much was clear.

I hadn't known it could hurt this much. Losing her... Losing those big, bright blue eyes and the happiest of all smiles, losing lazy days filled with love and beautiful music, losing the exciting comfort of giving myself entirely to someone who was giving themselves to me... All of it was too much. She'd left her mark on me, right in the core of my soul. I could never go back to who I was before I knew of her, before she had shared her heart and her mind with me.

Leah suggested that I stop thinking about her so much. Leah could kiss my ass.

Why would I not want to think about the best thing that had ever happened to me? Everyone picked through my head at first, seeing things about Liz that were personal and private, things she had said to me, things she had done. They all had varying degrees of complaint over some aspects of her and her life, but I didn't see things that way... She was involved in alot of stuff that she shouldn't be, that was for sure. But she was who she was, and she had been up front about that from the beginning. And it wasn't that she let me experience certain things because she enjoyed it; She wanted to warn me, protect me from the darker side of her own self. I knew this was the truth, the reality, but in my worst moments I found myself passing judgment and blaming her like the others had.

I couldn't be sure if my anger was justifiable. I had, after all, done this to myself. I'd created a bad situation, been much too hard on her without giving her a reason why. I had pushed her into fighting with me, then pushed her right out of the door. Right out of my life.

But I couldn't stand to shoulder all the blame. I was in the wrong and I knew it, but she wasn't giving me any chance to make things better. She had dropped off the face of the world, knowing that I loved her and that being without her would destroy me. And it _was_ destroying me; I couldn't stop replaying her exit, trying to figure out what I could have done differently. The best I had come up with so far was that I shouldn't have started any of it in the first place.

How long could she be planning on torturing me like this? It killed me to wonder if I would ever even get to hear her voice again.

Every second that passed with no word from her was killing me. Just waking up in the morning was becoming unbearable. If I didn't hear from her soon, I was coming to her whether she wanted me to or not. At least then I would know, with certainty, where I stood with her. I wasn't even sure that that's what I really wanted. Would hearing her say that she didn't love me be better than guessing it? Would knowing be better than wondering?

I guess there wasn't much to wonder about anymore, though. Her silence was speaking to me loud and clear, begging for acceptance. She didn't want me.

And I would never want anyone or anything but her.

**(Liz's PoV)**

"No! Stop, Ana!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, over the music and over the shouting and screaming. I grabbed her wrist and dragged her into the disgusting restroom, slamming the door shut behind us and clicking the lock on the knob. "Oh shit, you're bleeding!" I grabbed some paper towels and started running water on them as she sat down on the closed toilet lid.

"How did this even happen?" she asked me in a small, detached kind of voice. She was dazed now, but two seconds ago she seemed more like a crazed animal.

I started cleaning the blood off of her head, being less gentle than I should have. My hands were shaking so much from my nerves. "Darrell drank way too much. You know how he gets off of that much whiskey."

Both of our heads snapped up in the direction of the door after we heard something being bashed against it. The knob started jiggling around as someone tried to get in, and I silently prayed that the cheap lock would hold them out.

The night had unraveled into something beyond frightening. There were more than two hundred people crammed up into the small bar, almost all of them filled with enough alcohol to drown a fucking elephant. Darrell was being his usual big, loud, obnoxious self, and he and a bunch of other rowdy guys had started a riot. Like, a real riot, one that you could catch on Tru TV or something. It was fucking madness outside of our tiny refuge, and people were getting seriously hurt.

I finished nursing Ana's wound and leaned my back against the door, trying to calm myself down. I had seen alot of crazy shit, but this night had reached a whole new level of mayhem. It was fucking scary out there.

"Are you alright?" I asked Ana once I could no longer see my heart jumping in my chest.

She touched the cut with her fingertips and winced. "Yeah, it's not that bad. Still pretty freaked out, though."

She reached into her small handbag and got us both a cigarette. I had stopped smoking and didn't plan on starting back up, but I was going to allow this one. I was in desperate need of some sort of stress relief.

Ana smiled at me. "Isn't it great to be with your old buddies?" she joked.

I smiled back and rolled my eyes. "Oh yeah, this is turning out to be fucking wonderful." I braced my hands on the sink and lifted until my ass was on the edge of it. "Do you know who hit you?"

"Yeah, some dumb bitch cracked me with a beer bottle. You should see what I did to her, though," she said with a cocky smile. Ana liked a good bitch fight, probably because she was stronger than she looked and knew how to whip some ass. "I think it will take her awhile to heal up from all the times I kicked her in her stupid fat face."

I started mentally measuring the window in the bathroom, wondering if we could fit through it. I could still hear the brawl going down in the main part of the bar, and I didn't want to wait in here much longer. I had two more shows to go to, but I was sick of this scene already. I needed to sell my tickets off and just wait for the festivals to roll around before I ended up getting hurt or something.

No show was worth getting my face broken. Stupid fucking scene kids.

"Do you want to just go home and forget the rest of the tour?" Ana asked, mirroring my own thoughts. "They may even cancel after this bullshit."

"Yeah, I don't think I can really handle any more fighting. What about D and Vince, though? They're going to need a ride home."

"Probably from jail," she said with a giggle, though it was pretty likely that's where they'd be staying the night. "Let's get a hotel room and come back for them."

I wanted to - really badly - but I didn't feel right about leaving them behind. If the situation were reversed, it would piss me off to be left with no ride in a different state. Not that I would actually do that to them, but if I wasn't here when this shitfest ended or whenever they decided to leave, that's what they would think I had done. I was sure Darrell had his phone on him, but I was also sure that he wasn't going to answer it or read any messages while he was in the middle of the riot that he helped to start.

"Alright... You go out the window and get the car. I'm going back in there to find them."

"Are you insane?"

I cocked my eyebrow. "Ana, think about who you're asking."

"Whatever. This is a bad idea... You're gonna get hurt!"

"It's starting to calm down," I said as I listened to what was happening outside. "The cops will probably show up any minute, and I definitely don't want any of us here when they do."

Ana sighed and pouted her lip out. "Okay fine, but if you're going in there, then I'm going with you."

"Fine," I agreed half-heartedly. "Just keep your eyes open, and don't hit anybody unless you have to."

"Deal." She smiled widely and stood up, pressing herself closer to me and the door so that we could make a break for it.

This had to be one of the dumbest things either of us had done in our lives, but our options were so minimal that I couldn't really see any other way.

I threw the door open and started out, dodging flying fists, legs, bottles... It was just as bad now as it had been when we went in, except for there were more people lying broken on the floor. The ones that were still going at it didn't seem very worn out, they were just riding on their adrenaline.

Darrell's size made him stand out easily, and I spotted him across the room, beating the shit out of five or six guys by himself. One of them was hitting him in the back of his head with a bat, but he didn't even seem to notice and just kept on the others.

I froze as I watched, my emotions starting to run haywire. Him being able to hold his own was something that had always attracted me to him. What good was a man that couldn't defend me? But it wasn't him I was thinking about, it was Seth. If Seth were here tonight, he would have grabbed me and got me out of here, and he could have taken down all the guys that tried to fuck with either of us. Seth was strong, and strength made me drool a little.

Thinking about him was breaking my heart. I was trying my hardest to keep him far from my mind, but it was hard to not think about the only time in my life I had been truly happy. I wanted to call him, wanted to go home to him, but I knew that it was just hurting him if I did. He was so much better off without me, whether he realized that or not. Knowing that I wouldn't - couldn't - see him again was tearing me up something horrible... But I knew what the outcome would be if I had a weak moment. It would just set him back in getting over me.

"I see Vince!" Ana yelled into my ear, pointing towards a different corner of the same room. He was in his own fight, too.

"Okay... You go and grab him, I'll go get Darrell, and then we head straight out the door. Got it?"

She shook my hand and left in a sprint. I ran over to Darrell and started screaming his name, trying my best to get his attention. Some guy actually took a swing at me, but he was so drunk that I simply stuck my foot out into his path and giggled as he tripped over it. Darrell must have noticed that incident, because he then picked the guy up off the floor and punched him in the face. The guy fell right back down, and D spit on him before grabbing my hand and pulling me away.

"We need to get out of here, now!" I told him, praying he would just do what I said. If he didn't leave with us now, then fuck him. He could find his own ride home.

We headed out of the door and went to the car, but Ana and Vince hadn't made it out yet. Darrell was starting to lose his adrenaline rush along with most of the blood his body contained, and he slumped down against the side of my car.

"Here." I unlocked the car and opened the back door for him to climb inside. "There's some Wet Ones and napkins in the glove box, try and clean yourself up a little. Do you need to go to the hospital?"

He smirked, and it was marred by all the cuts and bruises on his face. He was lucky he still had all of those nice teeth. "I don't do hospitals."

"I have to go back in and get Ana."

"Don't go back in there! You're going to get hit in that pretty face."

"Well if you went, we'd be stuck here until the cops came and broke this shit up. I'll be back in a minute."

I didn't give him a chance to argue with me, I just bolted back inside. I looked over to where Ana had went to get Vince earlier, but they weren't there now. I started walking further into the room, avoiding most of the brawling. Then I heard Ana's voice.

"Thought I already taught you, fuckin' cunt!" she yelled at some other girl, right before she cracked her in the jaw. The girl went down, and Ana took Vince's hand and came towards me and the exit. "Let's blow this popsicle stand!" she told me as we all left the mayhem behind.

We piled into the car and I skidded out of the parking lot, just as five or six cruisers with their lights on and sirens blaring entered it. Everyone in the car was still hollering over eachother, except for me. I was too shaken up, and I hadn't even joined in like the others had.

I couldn't drive very well. I found the nearest gas station and pulled into the lot, turning my car off. I tried to block out the noise, but it was impossible. Eventually, I started smacking my head against the steering wheel, making a little beep come out each time. Somebody - Darrell, I think - grabbed my shoulders from behind, keeping me from being able to move forward anymore. The car went silent for a few lovely moments.

"Ana, please give me another cigarette."

"Okay..." she said as she found her pack. "Are you alright?"

"I will be." I rolled my window down and lit up, savoring the smoke. "I just need a minute."

"Want me to drive?"

"You're drunk."

"Oh yeah!" she responded with a laugh. "Are we going home or to get a room?"

"What do you guys want to do?" I turned my head so that I could see all of them as they looked to one another.

"Home," we all answered at the same time. I turned my key and threw my car into gear, then started towards the interstate. I had always hated Charlotte, and I was more and more happy the farther I got away from it.


	42. Friend of the Devil

**A/N: This chapter may be confusing. I'll post another note at the bottom trying to explain it for anyone who doesn't get it while they're reading.**

**Chapter Forty Two - Friend of the Devil**

"Aaaahhhhh!" Ana was bouncing around and squealing in my ear. I was even a little worried she would jump right out of the car before I parked it.

I couldn't get irritated with her, though. Not today; Today was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, birds were singing, and hippies were _everywhere, _all gathered together for one of the nation's biggest jam festivals. I was probably even more excited than she was. But I was better at not showing it.

I finally found an empty space and parked my car. I took a deep breath before I opened my door, expecting to be bombarded with noise and music and people trying to sell me hallucinogenic drugs.

They didn't fail me.

"Legs!" A voice was screaming from somewhere. Alot of people were jamming out here in the lot, and just scanning the area I caught three different deals going down as I tried to pinpoint who had already recognized me.

Ana came around and took my hand to twirl me.

"You look so hot today, Lizzy!" she cooed at me excitedly, playing with the long white skirt of my sundress.

A guy that I had seen before but whose name I couldn't recall passed by and noticed us. He stopped and came back, walked right up to me and stuck some flowers behind my ear, then Ana's. I was surprised he didn't blow glitter on us, too.

I plucked the flower away and twirled it between my fingers as I sang to Ana, "She had rings on her fingers and bells on her shoes... And I could tell without askin' she was into the blues..."

She laughed and danced, a perfect picture of happiness as she sang along with me, "She wore scarlet begonias tucked into her curls... I knew right away she was not like other girls, other girls..."

By the time we were finished goofing off, a very small crowd had gathered around us. One guy had his guitar on, and he started playing Scarlet Begonias as everyone else kept singing it.

This place had to be the closest thing to Heaven on Earth. Unless you were really stupid or a horribly shitty person, you were guaranteed a great time at All Good. Before I had ever been here myself, someone told me that it was like a slice of the real world; Some people were good, some people were bad, and the majority of everyone fell somewhere in between.

I had learned otherwise. Some were good and some were very bad, but the majority - in my opinion - fell into the good category. And that was the trade-off; a bunch of really good people, a few average, and the bad ones were pretty damn bad. Junkies and gutter hippies weren't what I watched out for, just because I knew better. Being an addict or being poor or homeless wasn't what made anyone shitty. It was the ones that were the most desperate that you really had to watch out for, and those people could be wearing rags or spiffed out in a suit with a thousand dollars in their pocket. And that was always the trick to humanity: You couldn't tell a decent person from an asshole based off the way they looked on the outside.

The crowd was still surrounding us, but I finally caught the sight of Darrell and Vince and the guys they had brought up with them. We kindly excused ourselves and caught up with them, letting them lead us to where we were going to set up our tents inside the grounds.

Every few minutes of walking brought more shouts of our names, and even more strangers trying to stop us and chat us up. No one that was in our group was particularly rude, myself excluded, but we still managed to push through the throngs of people until we found a good spot to settle for the next couple of days.

The guys set up all the tents as Ana and I ran around, searching out anyone that we knew so that we could find the good shit for cheap. The music hadn't started yet and most people showed up a bit late, so we didn't have much luck. After about an hour we figured we should just wait and see what happened, because no matter what went on or who was here, we would get what we had come for.

We went back to camp and she and I crawled into the tent that Darrell and Vince were hanging out and drinking in.

"Any luck?" Vince asked as Ana settled herself between his legs.

"Not yet," I replied with a smile. I sat down in the biggest empty space of the tent floor, careful to not let anyone see up my skirt.

"We were about to go find some food. You girls want anything?" Vince asked, running his fingers down Ana's thick wavy hair.

"Hot dogs!" Ana and I both said in the same moment, then we all laughed.

"Will you get us some water, too? I only brought so much cash, and we definitely need that for the next couple of days."

"Of course," Darrell answered, sounding somehow proud.

The two men crawled out of the tent together, zipping it closed behind them. It was probably about a millisecond later that Ana started bombarding me with a storm of bullshit.

"Liz! Vinny told me something a little while ago... It was kind of about you... but I swore I wouldn't say anything..."

She was hanging her words out like a worm on a fishline. I liked to play with her when she did things like this, tell her that I didn't give a shit. It annoyed the fuck out of her and she always ended up telling me anyways, but I decided to skip the game this time.

"Ana Love, you know what they say: Chicks before dicks. Spit it out."

She looked kind of shocked, and then she giggled at me. Then she was practically sitting on my lap as she started blabbering her secret out.

"Okay! Soooo... Darrell told Vince that he thinks you are more into him since you've been back. He's totally head over heels for you, as we all know, so he thinks that this weekend - "

"Stop!" I screeched, holding up my hands as if someone was about to hit me. "First of all, Darrell doesn't even know what head over heels means when he's stumbling over his own feet and landing right on his ass."

She stared, wide-eyed for a few moments. "Second of all?"

"Yeah, that..." I ground my teeth and clenched my hands, knowing I was about to let it out. I was feeling it, but I hadn't spoken on it, not even to her. And I told this bitch everything.

"Seth." I finally spewed the word out of my mouth, fingernails dug into my skin and eyes squeezed as tight as possible.

"What about him? You left him and haven't said a word to him since."

My eyes flew open and I drew in a wild gust of breath. "I'm going crazy over him!" I finally screamed, tears starting down my cheeks. "I mean, I know he was being kind of stupid right before I left, but I don't blame him for it, I really didn't in the first place, I just... I... I want better for him than I could give him and the only way he's going to find someone better is if I'm not around!"

Ana reached to swipe away some of the tears that were now in full on flood mode, but thought better of sticking her hand near the manic-depressive mess that I now was.

"But, FUCK, Ana! I don't think that I can do it! For another week, another month even, but for the rest of my life? I'll be thinking about him, missing him every second of every day... And knowing how much it's hurting him that I left him is just making me more and more guilty and... and... Oh shit, man, what the fuck am I supposed to do? If I go home to him, I'll feel guilty for the rest of my life for how I'm changing him, keeping him around things that shouldn't be a part of his life. But if I don't go, then I'll be fucking insane and heartbroken and still guilty for breaking his heart!"

I had about a billion more thoughts on the subject, but I was starting to hyperventilate and couldn't speak anymore. Ana took my silence as a sign of calm and scooted closer to me, wrapped her arm around me and started shushing me as she wiped the tears from my face.

"Liz, I think that you need to ask yourself the ultimate questions."

I sniffled and wiped my nose, then looked up at her with a flicker of curiosity.

"Would you die for him? Would you kill for him? And from the other side... Do you think he would die for you? Kill for you?"

I could feel my eyes rounding out and the blood leaving my face. I tried to swallow down the lump forming in my throat and ended up choking on it, which brought on a horrifying round of coughing.

Seth already _had _killed for me, in the very literal sense. The image of the young wolf-man jumped into the forefront of my mind and refused to leave, making my stomach turn violently.

I had to jump up and escape the tent to vomit on the dirt outside.

"Whoa... Sorry. I didn't expect it to make you sick," Ana said as she followed behind. She thought about what she had said just before my short bout of illness and mumbled loud enough for me to hear, "I am not even going to ask..."

And I kept my fucking mouth shut.

After we went back into the tent, I laid down on my sleeping bag and tried to relax. My stomach was better but my head was still spinning.

"You can't do anything about it right now," Ana commented quietly. "You're here and he's not. If you want to call him then you should, but either way this is your time to have fun. Don't ruin it for yourself."

I peeked up at her through my eyelashes. "How many times has he called?" I asked in a tiny, raspy voice.

"About a billion, give or take."

"I wouldn't know what to say to him."

"Okay then, you're not ready yet." She got up and tried pulling me with her. "Let's go outside and meet some cool people. When you know what you're going to say to him, you can call him then."

I stared at her and she began to tap her foot impatiently.

"Ugh. Okay, fine," I huffed as I got up. As whacked out as I was feeling, she was still right. And besides, I had put on a brave face up until now, why not just keep it going? The next three days were supposed to be some of the best in my life. I was not letting myself miss out.

We exited the tent again, and this time we headed for the Dragon Stage. We met up with alot of people, strangers and old friends, and had a whole crowd by the time we were close to the music. I turned down alot of dope until I found a great deal, and then I just stashed all my sheets with the rest of my things. Tripping on the first day was a no-no.

I danced with Ana and then with Darrell and then alot of other random people far into the night, then retired to camp with everyone else. The day had been a release, a break from the torment that I was putting myself through. And tomorrow was going to be even better...

Ana woke me up by sticking a hit of acid underneath my tongue. I got up and stretched and rubbed my eyes, then took in my surroundings. She and I were alone, so I made her guard the entrance while I changed my clothes. I fixed my hair and put some mascara on, popped another hit of L and ate some molly and some vitamins, then headed out into the bright sunshine.

"Furthur is on. Want to go to the stage?" Ana asked as we skipped around.

"Not yet, I want to go find Tabby and see how good this shit is."

A pair of arms engulfed my body and lifted me up from behind. It would have scared me, but all I had to do was look down to recognize who it was - these particular arms were covered in some very specific tattoos.

Darrell set me down and twirled me around as he started dancing with me, singing Touch of Grey beautifully. He had a really nice voice - actually, he had the best voice of anyone I had ever heard sing. But whatever.

"You look amazingly gorgeous... especially for not having had a bath," he told me, flashing that smile. His face was almost completely healed up from the riot.

I yawned and nodded a thanks to him. "What are you guys doing today?"

"Oh, I was thinking I would try out the yoga," he answered sarcastically. "You?"

"Tripping, jamming, and then who knows." He twirled me around fast enough for my skirt to flare out. "Did you take anything?"

"Hasn't kicked in yet. Let's walk around and see what we can get into while we wait."

I looked around for Ana, but she had already disappeared. Darrell took my hand and we started off, our arms swinging between us. We probably looked like a couple, a happy and dating pair. We were neither - even the opposite. We weren't together in that way, and we weren't happy people. Maybe for the day, but generally we were some depressed fuckers.

I dragged him back to camp for a second and got all of the hemp I had made over the last year that I didn't want to keep for myself. We left out again and I started bartering jewelry for weed and food and other bullshit. I used to _have_ to do stuff like this, but now it was more just for experience and for the benefit of other people. Out-of-staters loved getting authentic West Virginia paraphernalia: things made by someone that lived and breathed the mountains. I didn't feel the need to mention to anyone that I wasn't a resident anymore.

I drank a beer and smoked a bowl with Darrell when everything started to hit me. The onslaught was a little rough this time; I started sweating and feeling jittery, like my skin was going to crawl right off of me. Waves of thought and feeling started to roll in and out of mind, forgotten the second they passed me by.

Darrell took one good look at me and smiled brightly. I could see his own pupils growing just then, too.

"How ya feelin'?" he asked, his voice sounding like a distant echo.

My mouth wasn't working right, and I could feel my face going from a smile to something blank, over and over. I finally just started laughing my ass off, and he pulled an arm around me and joined in.

"I'll take that as a good thing," he said between chuckles.

I calmed down a bit and studied the way that his face was changing shape and color. I stopped on his eyes.

"Your eyes look like big black diamonds."

He laid a kiss on the back of my hand. "Your eyes always look amazing when you're tripping. They're kind of cartoonish."

Seriously? "Cartoonish?"

"They're huge and bright, and when you blink they go bling, bling!" He blinked his hands at me to demonstrate, which made me smile and laugh.

I felt amazing. And of course, I loved being told that any part of me looked amazing. Who didn't? I started to examine the other people around me, then the tents and the grass and the trees and the sky. I probably sat still without speaking for more than twenty minutes.

While I was silent, everyone around was trying to talk to me. They didn't take it as anything that I wasn't talking back; they knew where my head was. I kept getting complimented on my looks by people I knew and more people that I didn't, and it was helping to make me feel even better. Much better than I had felt in a very long time.

I could feel myself swaying to the music, so I started focusing more on it than how lovely everyone suddenly thought me to be. When I closed my eyes, the colors and images and the music would overtake me and make me feel as if I was floating away. Like a dream... like the very best dream. I was consumed with a feeling of intense love, and I knew it wouldn't be long before I started sharing that feeling with those around me.

After some time, Darrell decided he was hungry and wanted me to come back to the tent with him. I followed behind him, only partially paying attention to anything besides the music. I was lucky I didn't trip and fall down, and I only walked into two or three people on accident. But I made it there and that was enough to make me feel proud of myself.

Once we were inside, Darrell turned to me and started studying me, this wierd ass look on his face that I couldn't comprehend. His stare was making me self-conscience, so I started to turn my face so that he would stop, but instead he stopped me and held my chin still with his strong fingers.

He took a deep breath and I could see the resolve form on his features.

"I love you," he stated suddenly, and he did not mean that shit in a just-friends kind of way.

I was too appalled to say anything. Was he fucking serious? Who the hell did he think he was? Who did he think _I _was? I meant it earlier when I said that he didn't know what love was, not the all consuming, wildly passionate, in-love kind of love anyways. If he did know what that felt like, he would never be wasting time and making stupid proclamations at me, because this was just messing up our friendship and making me horribly uncomfortable.

His face started coming towards mine, eyelids lowering, lips puckering...

"Hey now!" Was what ended up popping out of my mouth. It sounded dumb, but it got him to stop in his tracks which was all that I wanted.

He leaned back enough to see me again. "What's wrong?"

"I think we've got some wires crossed here," I tried to rationalize. We had always been close as friends, but maybe I had been sending him some kind of signal that I wanted - or at the least, would accept - more from him.

He smirked, the ever present cockiness coming back through. "Are you trying to say that you don't want me?"

I rolled my eyes at him. Somebody had to shut this dude down, and it looked like it was going to have to be me. Again. "Darrell, of course I don't fucking want you."

The expression dropped right off of his face, and then he looked a little angry with me. "Are you _kidding _me? After all these years of hanging out, after you leaving and then finally coming back, you're still going to try to deny this!"

"Try to deny what?" I responded, mirroring his anger. "Look, I'm just gonna lay this out there for you buddy, plain and fucking simple. I absolutely, without doubt, do _not _want a relationship with you that involves kissing or touching or any other wierd mushy bullshit!" I yelled in one large breath. "You tell me that you love me Darrell, and I know that in some way you do... But not like this. We don't have that... that..."

"What?" he demanded. "We could have everything, you just can't be honest with me or yourself."

"Honest? I don't need to tell you or anyone else what I feel and think, and I am not denying anything. I'm on ecstasy for Christ's sake! You think I could turn you down right now if any part of me wanted you?"

His jaw stayed set in the same stubborn fashion, and tears started pouring down my cheeks. He noticed and softened a bit, but I could still tell he was going to be a dick after this.

"_Honestly, _I am so in love with someone else that I can't even think straight anymore! My whole world is wrapped around him..."

He melted then, I could see it in his eyes - even through the tears.

"But you - "

"I don't need you to tell me what the fuck I did," I snapped. "You want to know what love feels like, Darrell? You can't even imagine... and what it's like to lose that person... He's my soul mate. Can you understand that? What it feels like to connect to someone on a level to where it doesn't make any sense anymore, what it's like to feel ripped in two, like the better half of you is somewhere else in a place that's just as fucking lonely and miserable..."

The anger was back, and now it was intensified. "I do understand that, because that's how I feel about you!"

"You are an _idiot!" _I screeched at the top of my lungs, much much louder than was necessary. I was about two seconds from punching him in the face. "How many girls did you fuck while I was gone?"

He had the audacity to look ashamed of himself, but said nothing.

"Exactly, you fucking dumbass! If you felt that way about me, you wouldn't even want to look at another girl! Don't you dare think for one fucking second that you are that into me! I'm not the one that needs to be more honest with themselves!"

His fingers had been wrapped around my jaw the entire time we were fighting, and now his hand was becoming a vice grip.

"Don't you try and tell me shit about love or feelings," he hissed at me. He was actually starting to scare the shit out of me... I had never seen this look in his eye before now. He looked... Well, he looked completely evil.

I started thinking he was possessed, and I knew it was because I was hallucinating alot, but it was still extremely believable to me.

"You're just a little fucking teenager that thinks she's some kind of snobby ass fairy princess, skippin' around with your head up your own ass!"

Spit was coming out between his clenched teeth and landing on my face, but I was too frightened to even move. His hand could probably crush my jaw if he was trying for it, and it felt like that's what he was close to doing.

"But I'll tell you something about you, Liz. You're not better than me and you're not better than anybody. You came from the fuckin' slums like the rest of us, and you're a fuckin' dope head whore that - "

"Darrell, stop!" Ana yelled suddenly from the entrance.

I refused to take my eyes off of him, still scared he was going to break me, but I was so glad that she had intervened before anything too ugly happened. I kind of like my face the way it was, with all the bones intact. Though I was going to hate the bruises he had just left on the bottom of it.

Darrell finally stopped clenching his teeth together and it seemed as if he came back to himself. His head whipped around and he stared at Ana, dumbfounded. He looked back at me with something like shock, then - thankfully - he let go of my face. He stared at me for a couple of minutes, stared at Ana, stared at me, then turned and walked away. It was one of those moments where I could tell he wanted to apologize, but it would either hurt his pride or he really just couldn't believe what he had been doing.

"Holy shit, are you okay?" Ana came towards me and put a hand on each of my shoulders. I was still crying silently, shaken up and confused by what had just taken place. I managed to nod a yes to her and started rubbing my jaw, wishing it didn't hurt so bad.

"What the fuck was he thinking? He hurt you! I can't believe he was hurting you like that! I just... He's such a..."

"I'm alright," I finally said. "It wasn't him."

"Liz, I just saw it. It was definitely him."

"No," I told her with absolute certainty. "I saw it in him... he's too open right now. And we happen to be at the Devil's Playground."

She didn't know what to say, and I was completely wigging out. Her face was changing over and over into demon faces, nasty horrible crazy shit that I wasn't supposed to be seeing. She was open too, and if she didn't watch out then something else might hop right into her, too.

I turned around and walked out into the open air, overtaken yet again by the number of people and the beauty of the music. I started wandering around, stuck somewhere between afraid and lost. I found my friends Tabby and Danielle, and stopped to attempt some sort of conversation with them that didn't involve any biblical hysteria.

It didn't last long.

Danielle was telling me about how she had just gotten out of rehab, which made me feel bad because she was on so many drugs right now that she couldn't even keep her eyes open. I was thinking to myself how sad it was that she had failed, and that was when I saw him.

Tall and utterly beautiful with eyes that shone like fire, the Devil himself was standing a mere twenty feet in front of me. He smiled a smile that was horrifying and still charming, and he waved his hand once at me.

I tried to ignore him, hard as it was. I trained my eyes back on Danielle, but that was just as scary. There was an X on her forehead that hadn't been there before.

I was seriously starting to freak out. I didn't have to ask him to understand - he had her marked. Her soul was his. She was going to Hell when she died.

I started looking around, and I kept seeing more and more black X's on people's heads. On more than half of them. My eyes darted around, wanting to see but not wanting to see, until I looked back at him. He was trying to keep my attention.

He held his arm into the open air, and then Seth was standing with him, Satan's arm draped around his shoulder like they were old buddies.

"Dani... does your phone work out here?" I could hear myself asking. I felt like I was on a completely different planet.

"Yeah," she said, another distant echo from somewhere else that was not right beside of me. She placed the phone into my hand.

I dialed the number and waited through two rings before he answered. It took me awhile to say anything, and he kept saying, "Hello?" and ,"Who is this?" until he actually said, "Liz?" very quietly.

"Seth." Talk about anti-climactic.

"Oh my god... Is it really you? Where are you? Are you okay?"

"Where are you?"

"I'm at home," he answered instantly, and I felt relieved. For a moment, I really thought that he was here. "What about you?"

"I'm... I'm on a mountain. There's alot of people, and..."

He waited for a few seconds. "And what?"

"And I'm looking at the devil."

"Liz... Are you okay? That doesn't sound... Well, that's kind of crazy."

The excruciatingly loud music was suddenly silenced, and though he was still twenty yards from me, I could hear him clearly.

"Bring Seth to me."

My mouth started to hang open. The fucking King of Darkness just spoke to me.

"No!"

"No, what? Liz, you're worrying me. I'll come and get you - "

"No!" I yelled again, this time to a real person. Though, I couldn't even be sure that I was speaking on the phone right now. I couldn't be sure that Seth existed, or that any of these other people existed.

But I _was _sure that Satan existed, and that he was here and he was talking to me. I guess that's kind of how too much acid works sometimes.

"Seth, listen to me," I began to plead. "Do _not _come here! Stay where you're at!"

"Baby if you're in trouble, then just let me come and get you. I can phase and be there by tomorrow and if you want to come home with me then I can drive you back - "

"Don't! Stay at home. You can't be here, I don't want you to come."

And then I hung up on him, the devil vanished into the air, and everything was as it had been before he ever showed up.

**A/N: Liz is on drugs. She's not on an outside-looking-in, she's right on the inside. She's seeing things that aren't real, but they're real to **_**her**_**. Of course the devil is not there, but she sincerely believes that he is.**


	43. Ozena

_"She's crap, she's scum... Related to the gutter... Never looks behind her... For this leads ashen past. But it feels good, Just like the way it should. The chord burns on and on and on and on!"  
-Superjoint Ritual_

**Chapter Forty Three - Ozena**

I lit up and started puffing my cigarette down as quickly as possible. I'd worked myself up, to the point that I was gnawing my bottom lip off and my stomach was twisting into knots.

I had been flying high for hours and hours, all through Friday and most of Saturday. There were alot of bad moments that were still bothering me, but I had ended my trip on a good note.

I spent more than a few hours freaking out and crying over Seth. Ana had entered somewhere in the middle of that and was working to calm me down for a long time when I had some sort of epiphany; This seperation and the pain it carried were totally pointless.

I was being a self-loathing and still somehow self-centered dumbass. And a bitch.

I could accept that about myself - it was a part of who I was, on many occassions aside from this one. What I could not accept was torturing myself and the only person I had ever truly loved.

I realized that I had it in me to change the things about myself that I didn't like, cure what I would hate to infect Seth with. I knew I couldn't do it over night; I was able to stop doing drugs and I was able to make myself healthier pretty quickly, but what really needed fixed was the reasons I lived that way in the first place.

I needed healing and it was going to take time, and alot of work. I basically needed to rewire my brain and my emotions until I became a somewhat functional person. I would have to face the darkness inside of me head-on and simply pray that I was strong enough to handle it.

It scared the shit out of me.

To add to my fear was the fact that I would be trying to repair a relationship at the same time as I was repairing myself. But I had to. I needed Seth, and he would help me to heal. I knew that he loved me and wanted me happy enough to face some of my demons.

I flicked the cigarette down onto the grass and stomped it out. Then, finally, I took a deep breath and flipped Ana's phone open.

He answered after the first ring, and he sounded groggy, like he'd just woken up.

"Liz?"

"Hey Seth," I answered, my voice breaking as I spoke his name. I was trying not to let on to how nervous I was, but I could tell the odds were not in my favor.

"Are you okay?" he asked instantly.

"I... Well, um... I guess so. I mean... What qualifies as okay?" I laughed once as my head spun and my stomach turned. My knees were even going weak - I had to sit right down on the ground for fear of falling over.

Seth actually laughed back. "It's so great to hear your voice."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. So is everything alright around there? Seen any vamp action?" Was I making small talk? Seriously, Liz?

"I'm not sure, I've kind of been by myself..."

He sounded so sad. I figured this was a good time to tell him what I was calling - and dying - to say, but I didn't know how to start.

"Seth, I - " I started to say at the exact same time as he was saying, "Liz, please - "

We both went silent so that the other could speak, and I finally urged him to go first.

"Baby, I'm going crazy without you."

"Do you... Do you still want me?" That thought hadn't expressed itself in my head before popping quietly out of my mouth.

"Oh, Liz..." he breathed, desperate and intense. "I could never, ever not want you."

My smile almost broke my face. "I have to take Ana home tomorrow, so I was thinking I'd start the trip back on Tuesday."

He was silent. I looked at the screen of the phone to make sure we hadn't lost connection, and then I started wondering if he really didn't want me to come back.

"Seth?"

"You're really coming home?" He sounded fully awake now.

"I want to fix things between me and you. Can't really do that from across the country."

He let out a loud puff of air. "Oh god baby, I don't have words for how happy that makes me!"

"I need to say something. I missed you - well, miss you - so much that I feel like I can barely breathe. Being away from you hurts, and I know it's not helping anything out in the long run. I love you so much, more than I could have ever imagined loving someone before I met you, and... I think you really are my soulmate, because my soul and every other part of me feels like it's been ripped in two. I can't tell you how sorry I am for leaving the way that I did, but I promise to try and make it up to you and to earn back your trust and love. And... Well, I guess that's as much as I can really verbalize - "

"That's plenty. You can't imagine how good it feels to hear you say that you love me and to know that you mean it. I'm sorry for what happened too, and there's no need for you to feel guilty or shoulder all of the blame. We both said and did things that were hurtful and you don't have to earn back anything from me. You've got all of my trust and all of my love. For the rest of our lives."

I started crying. Not the usual sad cry, I was just so happy and relieved that it was flowing right out through my eyeballs.

"What's the matter, honey?" Seth asked, his voice calm and serene and missing the hint of hysteria it had when we started this conversation.

"I'm just so happy," I laughed through my tears.

"Me too. So, did you have fun at... where ever you're at?"

And just like that, we were on track again.

We talked for about twenty more minutes before I got off the phone, not wanting to reach that point in the conversation where there was nothing left to say. We still had things to work out, but those things would have to wait until I was home. I wasn't good with phones.

The only music left was low and melodic, and I danced alone to it for a moment, unable to believe how much better I felt.

And then the bad started.

"Liz!" A snarky voice called from the darkness. I knew that sound too well, and I cringed as I waited for Sammi to seek me out. I hadn't seen her once since I'd been here and I'd assumed she wasn't around. She had kept on complaining about having to pay her way in before, but I guess she found the money or someone else to pay for her.

"I didn't think you were here," she said as she stopped a few feet away, leaned against a tree and lit up a cigarette. She offered me one and I had to walk over to her to get it. I was wondering if she was going to sucker punch me or something, but she lit my smoke for me and seemed too relaxed to want to fight. Physically, anyways.

"I didn't think you were here, either," I finally replied.

"Where's that sexy motherfucker you usually have attached to your ass?"

And so it begins. "I don't know who you might be talking about."

"Oh you know. About six foot five, body made of pure muscle, great tan, gorgeous smile, eyes, hair... everything." She giggled. She seriously just fucking giggled at me. About my boyfriend.

I wanted to hit... I was grinding my teeth and clenching my fists.

"Or did he finally come to his senses and realize he was way too good for you?"

My anger turned into shame... and more anger. But I still felt guilty, and I knew that she wasn't wrong.

"Well, look at the options he got left with. It was either me or you, of course he wanted me." Take that, cocksucker!

"Whatever, he could have any girl he wanted. And even if it was down to just me or you, what makes you a better choice than me? You're a fucking good girl that tries to act bad. I'm a bad girl that loves being bad. At least if he would have gotten with me, I would have given him the fucking ride of his life."

"Yeah, and about twenty STD's," Ana's voice said from behind me.

I laughed as I handed her the cigarette.

"Please, Liz is a bigger slut than I am," Sammi replied snidely.

I started laughing harder. "In what parallel fucking universe is that even close to the truth?" I yelled, still laughing and smacking my hand against my leg. It made me mad, but it was just too damn funny. "You say I'm a good girl and then say that I'm a monster whore! So which is it?"

"You're trash, and beyond that I don't know or care. I've never known anyone so fucking disgusting in my life."

"You know what, Sam? You do know someone alot more disgusting, because you know yourself," Ana said calmly, though she was getting in her face. "And I think you better waddle your skanky ass on out of here before we both beat the living shit out of you."

"I'd fucking love to see you try!" Sammi yelled, though she was backing away slowly.

I heard a tent unzipping and then Darrell came barrelling out towards the three of us. He put his hand on Ana's shoulder and she moved aside, probably because she knew that if she didn't move on her own then he was going to move her.

He got right in Sammi's face, and then kept forcing his head towards hers until she was halfway bent backwards on the ground.

"Take your trailer park trash ass away from here, and don't ever fucking talk to them like that," he said through his teeth.

"Darrell, when did you get so big?" she asked in her sensual voice, trying to hide the fact that she was shaking. "Remember that night we spent together, when you were just so upset about Lizzy and I told you - "

He straightened up and put a hand on each of her shoulders, spun her around and gave her a shove in the direction opposite all of us. "Get the fuck out of here," he growled, and even she knew that it was more trouble than it was worth to stick around.

I eyed Ana, wanting her to go back inside. She knew me well enough to catch the hint and skipped away, leaving just me and Darrell.

"Seriously? You slept with her when you were upset over me?" It sounded so gross! "Seriously?" I asked again, not sure what else to say.

He finally turned to face me, giving me the full-on puppy dog eyes. "Would you have ever expected better of me?"

"I... I don't know. I mean, you fuck skanks, it's kind of your thing, but to fuck one while you're so all about me is just... just so..." My mouth was twisting up, like I needed to spit something out of it.

"It's fucking sick is what it is," he finished. There was that smirk again, pulling up one corner of his mouth. It pissed me off even more that he thought this was somehow funny.

"God Darrell, you are so fucking offensive!"

"You can do alot better than that, babe. I'm a dick, a dog, an asshole. Pretty much the guy that your parents will warn you about when you're a little girl. At least I know it and never try to pretend to be anything else."

"But why? Why are you like that?"

"Just who I am." He'd been inching his way over to me and now we were face to chest. He ran his fingers through my hair, stopping with his hand on the back of my neck.

"Hands!"

He came closer, leveling his eyes with mine. "Stop playing with me," he whispered.

"You're the only player here. You cheated on me, buddy."

"Actually, I didn't. For that short period of time, I was very much a one-woman man... And if I had you, Liz..." he shook his head, no words coming.

"Um, yeah, you did have me. Or have you forgotten so soon?"

"Oh, I could never, ever forget that." He leaned back and let his eyes run up and down my form in a very cave-manish type of way. He lowered his face to my ear and whispered, "You're the only one that was worth remembering. Your pussy tasted like candy, and I'll never forget how awesome it was every time I got you to come all over my cock."

"Darrell!" I yelled as I jumped back. He was making me feel dirty, like I should immediately drive to Grandma's for a shower.

"But that's not what I meant by having you. I've had your body, your friendship, but never all of you. I want you to love me the way that I love you."

"We've already been over this! I love Seth, not you or anyone else."

"You two back together?"

"Yes," I responded with my head high.

"You know that it's just a matter of time until you're apart again." Another smirk appeared that I'd like to smack off his face.

I yawned. "Well enlighten me, all knowing one. Why will we be apart?"

"He'll never accept every part of you. He'll never even know every part of you. And he'll never, ever love you the way that I do. Liz... You're just as fucked up as I am. You're a crazy bitch, no matter how good you can be at covering it up. He's a prep, he's never going to see how fucking sadistically wonderful you are."

"You're right Darrell; you are a dick, a dog and an asshole."

"I'm serious!" he countered. "He's never going to listen to your music and think it's the second most beautiful thing in the world, right next to you yourself. He's never going to read your work and cry when he thinks about it. He's never going to watch you brawl with somebody and dream about fucking you afterwards. He's never going to see how adorable you are when you get that confused look on your face, or when you eat peanut butter with pickles. He's never going to stare at that shit streak in your eye and think it's perfect because it's flawed, just like you, babe."

My mouth was hanging open, and I had to work to close it, and then to open it again. "I can't imagine how to respond to that..." Truth. "It was, um, sweet, I guess." Lie. "Darrell, you're my best friend. Can we just stop trying to be so complicated? You know that I love you, and you know that it's not in the same way that you love me. Just... just be my friend. Please?"

He smiled, not in the usual condescending way, but a truly happy smile. "I'll always be your friend." He crossed his heart and then swept me up with his arms before I could blink. He crushed my body to his as my feet dangled above the ground, and when I got my arms free, I hugged him back.

I had a whole lot of mixed emotions when it came to him, but we'd been friends for years and it really did hurt me to think of completely losing him. That was enough for me to try and keep the peace.

"Let's go to bed now," I suggested with a huge yawn.

He set me down and pecked my cheek, then led me to the tent.

The next day, I was driving home with Ana passed out in my backseat, and I honestly thought that the worst was over. I'd fought with Sammi, fought with Darrell - twice - and now I could go spend a day in my home town with some friends and party a little to kiss it all goodbye, and within a week I would be back in rainy Washington with the love of my life.

I was a fucking idiot.

We were about halfway home on a four hour drive when a trooper pulled up behind me. Ana was awake and had been hollering in my backseat, probably due to the pint or so of Jim Beam she'd killed in the last hour. She was getting belligerent.

"Ana!" I hissed at her, hoping to break into the drunken reverie.

"What?" she yelled back, barely able to make the word out coherently.

"Lay the fuck back down and shut the fuck up. There's some boys in blue behind me."

"What?" she slurred again, sitting up a little bit.

"Lay down!" I screamed, because she was actually starting to piss me off. Too many times I had watched her drunken ass get carted away in a cop car and I absolutely did _not _want it happening again. "There's some fucking pigs behind me! Do you want to go to jail again?"

"Jail? No..." She sounded like a mentally handicapped little kid, and I felt kind of bad for thinking that but it didn't make it not true.

"Then lay down and act like you're asleep..." I glanced in my rearview just as they flicked their lights on.

"Fuck, fuck, FUCK!" I was about to go off. These dudes better watch what they said, because I really didn't care to go to jail. Been there, done that, and now had enough money in the bank to bail my own ass out. So ha.

"Whudizit?" Ana mumbled behind me, sitting up again.

"Lay down!" I said as quietly and forcefully as I could muster. She dipped down quick and then the flashlight was shining through my windows. Yeah, a flashlight - in the fucking day time.

I rolled my window down and tried to smile. "Hello, officer," I said sweetly, though I could just as quickly hop out of here and kick this guy in the nuts, just for fucking up my day. I had a big problem with respecting authority.

"Hi, ma'am. License and registration, please."

"Well, since you asked so nicely..." I muttered under my breath as I searched out the papers.

"'Scuse me, ma'am?"

"Oh, I didn't say anything." Dickwad. This one was getting farther onto my bad side, fast. I sub-consciously started looking around at how many cars were in sight of mine, because a part of my brain was planning on fucking this dude up. There were way too many witnesses, though.

He walked back to his cruiser where his partner was waiting and started checking my information. Motherfucker didn't even tell me what he pulled me over for.

I cursed silently until he came back, and then I put my fake smile back on.

"Miss Collins, do you know why we stopped you?" he asked as the other cop approached my passenger window to shine his light around.

"No."

"The fuck!" Ana suddenly yelled from my backseat as she bolted upright. I turned around and I fucking swear to God, it took every single bit of restraint inside of me to not smack the shit out of her head.

"Ana..." I said as calmly as possible. "Go. Back. To. Sleep."

"Why don't you two step out of the car," the pig said, a new edge to his voice.

I almost started to scream and rip my hair out. I was having a fucking nervous breakdown. This was horrible.

Ana got out and started cussing like a maniac. Then she took a swing at one of those assholes, and all hell broke loose. I tried to restrain her while I begged them to just let me take her home and sleep it off, but they put her in cuffs and searched her, found her fake I.D. and then her real one which let them know that she was underage, and she was in a heap of legal shit that I couldn't talk her out of.

They let me go without a ticket or even a warning, and I followed them to city holding. I went in while she was still in booking and tried to speak kindly to the dumbasses at the front desk, but they weren't being very cooperative. Ana was still flipping out but now she was crying, and she kept yelling at them to call her mom. I figured it was a very short matter of time until I ended up in the cell with her; they wouldn't tell me what her charges were, and she had to be arraigned before I would know what the bail was.

Before I flipped my top, I went over to her holding cell window. "Do you really want me to call your mom?"

"Yes!" she yelled back through her insane sobs.

"They haven't set your bail yet, and you're probably in for the night. Do you want me to grab a hotel room and wait until you get out?"

The cops were telling me I had to leave, but I was ignoring them.

"Please don't leave me here!" Ana cried, and I knew I would have stayed anyways.

"I'm going to get Caroline up here and get us a room. I'll see you in the morning, okay sweetie?"

She nodded her head, seeming completely pathetic.

"Hey - Once you get in population, you keep your fucking head up, okay? Don't let none of them bitches dog you out for a second. You've been in before and you'll probably be in again. I love you and I'll have you out as soon as I can."

"Miss!" A female officer yelled into my ear. She grabbed my shoulder like she was going to drag me away, and I shook her off and shot her a look that let her know if she didn't remove her hand than I was very likely to kill her.

She let go and I left.

I called Caroline on Ana's phone and explained what happened, and she told me she'd be here in about two hours. I was so worn out from everything, so I told her I was going to the nearest lodge and that I'd call her once I had a room to give her directions to where I was. We were both going to be in for a long and shitty night.

When I was settled into a cheap and comfy motel room, I still couldn't sleep. I was worried about Ana, and I was worried about myself. I was worried about Caroline. I was really worried about Seth.

I didn't deal well with stress.

I went back outside and got my guitar and the rest of the bottle of whiskey out of my trunk. The cops had only searched Ana's purse, and then they'd let me take it back before they took her away. That was so lucky they didn't search the shit in our car, 'cause we were riding dirty as hell. We had more whiskey, over an ounce of pot and a full stash of other shit to sell off at home.

I figured there was no point sitting in my hotel room by myself, so I started walking. I was in a town outside of Charleston, small enough that I didn't hate it but big enough to have motels and clubs and a Wal-Mart. There weren't many people out that weren't in cars, but I found a little park to sit down in and play some music. I started strumming my guitar, and somehow I ended up playing 'Mr. Mud and Mr. Gold' by Townes Van Zandt. I'd never even attempted that song before - it was a little too cowboy for me - but I played it like I knew every chord by heart, and I assumed it was because my own life felt like a game of five card draw.

Some people actually came up to me and watched, and when I was done they tossed money into my guitar case. I told them to take it back; I wasn't panhandling, I just did this for fun. One of the guys had been watching me intently, smiling if he caught my eye. He was probably in his late twenties, tall and lean and covered in tattoos that couldn't hide all the track marks that he had. He came over to me and sat down on the same small bench.

"I've never met a girl that even knew who Townes was," he said as he flashed a smile that was missing some teeth. "Ever watched his movie?"

"Yeah, it's one of my favorites."

"I love it when he says he was sitting on the edge of a balcony and he wondered what it would feel like to fall."

"And he'd have to do it to know, so he leaned back and landed four stories down," I finished with a laugh. "I love that and then the part where he's getting interviewed and they ask him why his music is so sad."

"Life is sad," the guy answered. "I'm Joe, by the way." He didn't offer his hand.

"I'm Liz."

"You just come from All Good?"

"Yeah. My friend got arrested so I had to stop on the way home."

He raised his eyebrows. "You smoke?"

"Smoke what?"

He smiled again. "Do anything else?"

I didn't really want to hang out with this dude, but I was curious what he would say if I asked. "What'd you have in mind?"

He looked at me like he was in awe. I wasn't sure why.

"I've got some tar, all I could find today."

I didn't consciously decide anything. The words simply flowed from my mouth on their own, without giving me a single chance to consider the consequences. "Let's smoke that shit."

We walked to an alley-way to hide, though I had to warn him that if he tried to fuck with me because we were out of sight then I would have to slit his fucking throat and leave him to bleed all the way out on this concrete. He seemed harmless enough, so we leaned against a nasty brick wall with our lighters and a piece of aluminum foil with a ball of dope on it and got to business.

I hadn't done opiates in so long, and I'd forgotten the feeling of being numb. Now I remembered why there were so many junkies everywhere, because this was where it was at. Nothing compared to cutting off those feelings; to acknowledge them as there but to not have to face any of them.

"So you just walk around town and do this every day?" I asked my new dope fiend friend.

"Yeah," he said as he blew a hit of poison from his lungs. "Life of a dope head. What do you do every day?"

I sighed and then took the foil. "I guess it depends on which point I'm at in life."

"What about just the last couple of months?"

"Stayed the fuck away from West Virginia. Fell in love and left him behind, got fucked up, stopped getting fucked up, started back again, played music... That's about it. I haven't even wrote anything."

"I've been out here for a couple of years now. My family got tired of me and threw me out, and I've just been trying not to get sick ever since." He looked at me with sadness behind his dazed out eyes. "What about you, you don't do junk much."

"How do you know?"

"You got too much soul behind your eyes. And you're way too pretty to have lived that hard."

"I've never been hooked on pills or anything else. I drink more than anything."

"Kill you the quickest," he said as he took another puff of black tar heroin. Oh, the irony.

"It's true," I said, and the words came out slow and lazy. I was so fucked up that I could barely move, but my legs were still holding my body up. I felt myself nodding and I woke up and then did it again.

I was tripping out on this line from the song I'd sang in the park, "If you feel like lost, you'll end up found". I felt like lost, but I was losing myself further and further. I was Mr. Gold, and as soon as I thought I'd won I would lose it all.

I started remembering that this was a bad idea, so I told Joe thanks and threw him twenty bucks and booked it back to my motel. I was dragging ass now, and I was so relieved I would finally be able to get some sleep.

Days passed and Ana was freed, and I took her home with Caroline following behind us. I'd stayed fucked up the whole time she was in jail, and it was difficult to drive back with a buzz and a hangover at the same time.

I recognized that I was doing the opposite of what I was supposed to be doing, but if I did things right then I just wouldn't be me. I called Seth every night to keep him updated on everything that was going on, and he was getting worried sick about me. Somewhere inside of both of us, we realized that the hard times were just getting rolling, not coming to a close. I had to stay in my home town for a couple of days, and it was impossible to know how long I would end up stuck in the dramatic bullshit that was this town.

It was Thursday evening when I finally left Ana's and found myself walking through Darrell's yard to the front door. I didn't knock, I just went in. He came running from the bathroom and stopped short, staring at me.

"I thought you were headed back to Washington," he said after a moment.

I could barely walk. I'd done too many pills and drank too much alcohol to move right, or to care that I couldn't. "Ana and Vince are having a huge fight."

"She back now too?"

"Yeah, of course. I got her out as fast as I could. I tried to not even let them arrest her," I said, and my voice was slow and scratchy. I started to nod out and Darrell had to catch me before I simply fell through his threshhold.

"What the fuck have you been doing?"

"Oxys and valiums. And a lot of wine." He guided me to the couch to sit down and he sat in the chair beside of me.

"Got any more?"

"Maybe I do. What are you going to give me for it?"

"I still have some blow. Why are you doing pills, you fucking hate doing pills."

"I've turned over a new leaf in drug use," I told him sarcastically. "Want to do a trade?"

"Yeah. You're not going to leave right after though, are you?"

"I was kind of coming to hang out for awhile."

"Good."

My brand new phone started ringing when I stood up to follow him to his room.

"Hey baby," I answered happily.

"Hey. You alright babe? You sound pretty messed up."

"I'm fine," I lied.

"When are you planning on leaving there to start back home?"

"Don't know."

"Liz... I need you back here with me..." he said sadly.

"I can barely walk right now, I definitely can't drive for days straight. I've got to make sure everything is okay before I come there. Stop getting high and shit."

"Like that's gonna happen," Darrell said - very loudly - from where he was standing at his dresser. I plopped down on his bed and flipped him off.

"I can come and get you. Please baby... I feel like you're playing with me or something."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

Darrell brought me a mirror with at least two grams of cocaine lined out on it. "So what's the trade?"

"Who the hell is that?" Seth asked, and he sounded pissed off.

"It's just Darrell, baby. Hold on for a second." I held the phone down on my neck because I could barely move any part of me. I felt in my bra and held out the rest of my pills. "There's ten fifteen's, let's just half everything up."

I crushed two of them and mixed them with two lines of coke and did my half all up my nose. I picked the phone back up and said, "Seth?"

"Tell him to stop giving you drugs!" he yelled in return, surprising me.

"He ain't _giving _me shit, I'm paying for it," I answered.

I was fading in and out as he bitched at me for making bad decisions and breaking his heart, but at some point everything went fuzzy, then black then gray...

I woke up being doused with water with Darrell screaming my name over and over, telling me to wake up, please wake up. The world came back as I sucked in a huge amount of air and sat upright. I was shaking and freaking out and I guess I had puked on myself, but I was so frightened and confused that I didn't know what to make of the situation.

"She's awake!" Darrell yelled. I looked at him, and he was talking into my phone. I prayed that he wasn't talking to Seth, but then what would he have to say to him?

"She'd kill me if I took her to a hospital," he said. "Yeah, here... she looks scared."

He handed me the phone. "Hello?"

"I'm coming there _right now, _I don't care what you say about it," Seth growled at me.

"What just happened?" I wondered aloud.

"You just overdosed and _died_ Liz!"

"Oh," was all I could say. "Well, I'll call you later. Love you, bye."

"LIZ! Do NOT hang this phone up!"

"Why? And don't really come here, I don't... want you to see me like this." I was still nodding out, so I guess I didn't do enough coke.

"I told you, it doesn't matter what you say about it. I'm leaving tonight, and I'll be there in a day or two."

"You're running?" I forgot that Darrell was listening, and I wondered for a moment what he would make of that question.

"Yeah, it's alot faster."

"What if I need to call you?"

"I'll have my phone on me, I might not be able to answer right when you call but I can call you back. Listen to me, Liz: Try to calm down on what you're doing to yourself before I lose you for good. I love you."

"I love you too, but I'm not promising anything." Worthless people break their promises.

"When I get you back home, you're stopping all of this shit. I don't care what I have to do to make that happen. Call me if you need anything, I'll see you soon."


	44. Drag The Waters

**A/N: First of all, I love all the reviews you guys send my way. I expected alot of criticism and really haven't received much at all. The support I've been getting is my main motivation for finishing this story off. (This isn't the last chapter, there's more to come but I'm farther ahead than what I've posted.)**

**Secondly, I took a long time to post the last chapter for some very strange reasons. I had the last one, this one and the next two drafted out a couple of weeks ago... And then some of the bad things I had written about started to happen in my real life! I was going to change some of what I had already written, but I'm just going to let art imitate life this time. Or would it be life imitating art? Alot of people have been dying around here lately, so I'm dedicating this chapter to the six friends I've lost in the past month. This town is crazier than Liz is...**

**Chapter Forty Four - Drag the Waters**

"Let's just fucking party!" I yelled over whatever Darrell was saying to me. He was actually telling me to calm down on the dope. _He _- an almost thirty year old drug addict - was telling _me _- an eightteen year old girl that just dabbled in this shit - to calm down.

I got where he was coming from, I knew I was getting out of hand recently, but it just doesn't feel nice to hear it from somebody that's doing so much worse off than you are. I just... I just needed to go insane right now. I certainly felt fucking insane enough right now. It wasn't something that I could explain right, not even to myself. Probably because I was simultaneously losing and killing my own mind.

I wanted to be better. But I didn't want to be better tonight.

I did a couple more lines of coke, and Darrell watched me with a saddened expression for a moment, because he knew I was only hurting myself more. But he was a hellraiser at heart, and he wasn't sad for long.

He smiled at me and said, "Alright, if we're gonna do it then let's do it to the fullest." He leaned over the mirror and did three lines, then crushed a couple of pills and did those too.

We were poisoning eachother, because both of us hated me. He hated me because he wanted things from me that he had never known and never would, and I hated me because I was a horrible piece of shit and I owned the heart of someone that I didn't show love or respect to and that I very much did not deserve.

I would never be good enough for Seth. Even if I suddenly became the absolute best me that I could be, I would still be falling short. I had always known it and I'd given it a shot with him anyways, and then my flaws seemed even more pronounced than usual and I fucked it all straight into the ground. The worse thing about me was that I knew what I was doing was sick and that it was hurting him, and I just didn't care enough to change my behavior.

Yeah, the universe definitely played a dirty trick on this guy.

"You look depressed," Darrell said as he dropped down to his knees so that he could see my face more clearly. "What would you like to listen to?"

"Some metal, I can't stand this blues shit in me. Cheer me up," I commanded, just because I knew he would at least try.

He got up and started playing Pantera on his stereo, then he dragged me to my feet and tried to animate my arms for me. I seemed like a limp marionette. I caught a glance of myself in the mirror and looked away, disgusted with what I saw.

"Where do I go from here? Seth's on his way to get me so he can see how fucking horrible I've been."

"Did you cheat on him or something?"

My eyebrows drew together. "Why would you think that? We were broken up for like, three weeks and I didn't even do anything then."

"Why do you feel like you owe him then?"

"Please don't start on this shit again..." I sat back down on the edge of the bed and stared at him.

"No, that's not how I meant it. I understand that you love him, I'm not trying to argue with that. I'm just curious what it is that you could have done to him that's so wrong for you to feel like he deserves so much better than you."

I sighed and tried to think of where to begin.

"The Liz that I know doesn't think anyone in the world is above her."

"That was before. Or maybe I was a great actor."

"Oh, you're definitely that. You should have more awards than fucking Julia Roberts. But really, that's the girl I've always known and loved. You're just a human... Just like everyone else. You make mistakes, but you're one of the few people that owns your mistakes, that knows what you've done wrong and accepts it. You'll even talk that shit out with people instead of trying to sweep it under the rug. You've got more to be proud of than any of these other losers around here."

"I don't need to be proud, I need to just get to where I don't fucking hate myself. Just like I don't need to be really happy, I'll settle for just not being miserable anymore. But it's really hard when I'm the one that's making me miserable, and the things that I'm doing to put myself in that position, I just keep doing. Like, I started doing drugs and I was disappointed in myself. So when I felt bad about doing drugs, I tried to make it go away by doing more drugs. And now I'm stuck in this cycle of doing everything wrong and knowing that I am but just doing it anyways. I don't know what I need to do to stop hating myself and get on the right path."

"Is it all about drugs? I think there's more to it than that, 'cause I know a whole lot of people that do a whole lot more drugs than you ever have, and they're okay with who they are." He sat down beside of me and it was so wierd, because for the first time in a long time I could tell that he was really trying to listen to me and help me. The only person in the world that had ever done that was Seth.

"There's alot of things that weigh heavy on me... And I think about them alot. Especially since... Well, since I really got to know Seth, I feel like I should try to be a better person. There's things that I keep locked up inside of me so tight, and I don't have the courage to set them right. I'm too scared."

"So maybe the answer is as simple as you not being a pussy anymore?" He cocked an eyebrow at me. It was kind of funny.

"Yeah... I'll work on that. Tomorrow. Or the next day," I told him with a laugh. "For tonight, I am free and flyin' easy, so pass me that mirror."

He handed it to me. "You really shouldn't do anymore tonight. You died less than an hour ago."

I snorted another line. "Yeah, about that... Remember how you said when you bit the dust that everything was just gray?"

He nodded, and then he shivered, probably remembering his brush with death in vivid detail.

"Well, it was the same for me. What do you think that means? Is there nothing after this life? Or were we just not gone long enough to see?"

He shook his head. "I don't know, but I don't believe that this life is all. Didn't think you did either."

"When I was tripping and I saw the people Satan had marked, I looked in the mirror." I let it hang there as his eyes grew wider.

"You were his? What about me?"

"Both of us," I sighed. "Do you think it was real?"

He gave me a pointed look. "You know what I think about it. Of course, I've done so much acid that I'm in a constant state of tripping, and it's hard to not believe it by then. So... What do we do about it?"

"I guess we should stop being bad people." I thought for a moment. "And maybe go to church."

"I bet there's not one single Pentecostal church in Washington."

I giggled at him. "I never handled snakes for God, just for fun. I grew up a Baptist."

"I grew up both, but the Pentecostal's where it's at. They have the best music out of any church."

I smiled and narrowed my eyes at him. "Only you would pick your church based off of the music."

"Nuh-uh," he said as he pulled me back into a standing position. "You would, too."

He started kind of slow dancing with me, which was funny because we were not listening to something slow at all. He twirled me like a princess and then dipped me down, and then someone started knocking at his door. We jumped apart like we'd been caught doing something bad, and it took him a second to right himself before he went to answer it.

I started to question if maybe we actually _were _doing something wrong. Would I act the same around him if Seth were here right now? Probably not. I better start keeping him in mind at all times; I didn't want to disrespect him in that manner. Not ever.

I wandered out into the foyer to see who was here, and what I saw was... Well, it was pretty wierd. Ana was all wrapped up in Darrell's arms. They usually never touched at all, that was past their boundaries. I understood better when I looked a bit closer; Ana was crying so hard that she was shaking.

She lifted her head and spotted me. "Oh, Liz!" She stepped away from D's embrace and threw herself onto me, almost pushing me over. She was sobbing into my shoulder and probably covering me in her snot, but I put my arms around her and patted her back.

"What happened, babe?" I asked as she sniffled. I walked her over to the couch and sat her down. "Talk to me."

"Vince... We broke up. He broke my phone and called me every bad name he could think of, but I was only mad at him because he was so fucked up and he kept nodding off and I just hate it when he does xanax, he's like a completely different person!" She stopped to wipe the wetness from her face, and then she scooted down and laid her head in my lap. "He started freaking out and throwing shit at me, and he told me he didn't want to see me again. So I told him he was a fucking piece of shit and that he better hope he never saw me again, 'cause if I do see him I'm going to kick him right in his balls!"

"Don't worry, he'll sober up by morning and come beg you to take him back," I reassured her. "Want to get fucked up tonight, take your mind off of him?"

She perked up a little and sat upright. "You got some whiskey?"

"There's beer in the fridge," Darrell said before he disappeared back into his bedroom.

"I've got some pills and some blow," I offered.

Her eyes got big. "Are you serious, Liz? I thought you were going to quit everything."

I raised my brows as I got up and took three steps into the kitchen area. "Hey D! Can I smoke in here?"

"Yeah, go ahead. One at a time, though!" He yelled back.

I lit up a cigarette and started looking around for something to use as an ashtray. "Seth is coming here to get me, I'll stop then," I said to Ana with a shrug.

"He's coming here? Do you really think that's a good idea?"

"I don't have much choice in the matter. I had a little problem earlier..."

"She fucking died for a few seconds is what she means to say," Darrell interjected as he came strolling through the livingroom towards me.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Ana yelled. "Why didn't you say anything earlier?"

Darrell stopped in front of me, leaned down and kissed me. Seriously... he fucking _kissed _me!

I stepped back and slapped him across the face. "What the hell are you _doing_?" I screeched. My throat was dry and my voice was so scratchy that it came out sounding like a rusty slice through metal.

"That was worth the little smack to my cheek," he replied.

I rolled my eyes at him and turned my attention back to Ana. "I haven't really had a chance to tell you anything, sweetie."

"But you're okay now?"

I smiled real big and gave her a thumbs up. "Still rockin' and rollin'."

"So... Do you really think we'll be alright in the morning?" she asked, and for the first time ever I would have to say that she sounded very meek.

"Why wouldn't you be? Couples fight over dope and all kinds of other bullshit every day in this town. You think he's going to not want you because you're looking out for him? He has to realize that you're right, even if it irritates him to have you give him a hard time. You guys love eachother Ana, it's not like one of you went off and fucked somebody else or something."

"I love him alot... And I miss him already," she said with a final sniffle.

"Vince loves you to death, Belle. He's an idiot sometimes, but he's not going to lose you over his own stupidity," Darrell claimed.

Ana smiled through her tears and looked a little proud of herself. "I don't want to wait 'til morning, but I guess he's too fucked up right now for me to call him."

Just then, both mine and Darrell's phones started going off. He pulled his from his pocket and answered as I walked past Ana to do the same. He sounded distraught, but I couldn't pay attention to what he was talking about as I heard Seth crying on the other end of my line.

"Calm down, baby. Tell me what happened," I told him as I walked into the other room. Ana was getting hysterical in the livingroom for some reason, and I couldn't hear Seth over her.

"Mom... She just collapsed! I can't tell what's wrong with her, and the doctors haven't told me either."

"Oh no, sweetheart, I'm so sorry," I told him as tears welled up in my own eyes. Seth had already lost his father too soon, and I felt his new pain jolt through me.

"I'm not going to be able to come and get you until I know what's going on with her, Liz. I'm so sorry."

"There's no need to apologize. Stay with your mom as long as you need to, and we'll work everything out about getting me back to you." My phone started beeping in my ear over and over, receiving texts from someone else.

"Elizabeth, please, _please _take care of yourself in the meantime. If something happens to you while I'm stuck here, I'll never forgive myself for not coming to you at this second. Promise me that you'll be more careful until I'm there to keep you safe."

"I promise, Seth. Call me back and let me know what's going on whenever you hear more."

"I will. I love you."

"Love you, too." I hung up and started looking through my messages in the order that they'd been sent to me. The first said that my great-grandmother had been in a serious car accident.

That was as far as I got before I started bawling.

Ana came into the room with an expression on her face that scared the living shit out of me. She was paler than me, like her blood had drained out, and her eyes were huge and filled with sadness.

"What's happened?" I managed to ask through my tears.

She sat down on the floor and stared at one of her knees. Her hands were shaking, and it took her a moment to speak.

"Vince... Vince is gone," she whispered, and then her own waterworks started.

"What do you mean?" I yelled as I kneeled down in front of her. Darrell walked into the room, also crying.

"Jeff just found him laying in his bed. Says his lips were already blue." He could barely get the words out, he was shaking so much. He moved his hand to cover his tears, and then he stopped himself. If there was anyone in the world he shouldn't mind crying in front of, it was certainly Ana and I.

I sank the rest of the way down, and then I stared blankly at my phone. I gathered the courage to read the next message, and it informed me that my great-grandma had broken her neck, arm, leg, pelvis and a few ribs.

Darrell sat down on the floor, completing a circle. We all leaned forward and embraced eachother, and the pain emanating from each of us was almost tangible.

"Grandma Dorothea got into an accident," I said in between hiccuping sobs.

"Oh my god, please tell me that she's okay!" Ana wailed.

I read the next message, the one that let me know that she was alive, albeit quite broken, and was in the hospital.

"She's alive," I finally answered, and it felt like the most relieving thing in the world - a tiny break from the current state of horror that was floating around me and my best friends. Everyone that I loved was being affected by pure sorrow.

Hard times are definitely a'coming.

**Seth's PoV**

"Liz?"

She was crying too much for me to hear her. I couldn't tell what was wrong, but I wanted to kick myself in the ass for not being right by her side when she so obviously needed me. And when I needed her more than ever.

"My grandma Dorothea got into a horrible car accident and broke a shit ton of bones. She's so fucking lucky that she's still alive... I don't think it's a very normal occurence that an eighty-one year old women flips a car three times and lands in a creek, breaks her arm, leg, pelvis, ribs and neck and actually lives to tell about it."

"Honey, I'm so sorry." It was all I could think to say. Besides that that story sounded like a real deal miracle to me.

"That's not the worst of it. Vince - you remember, Ana's boyfriend?"

"Yeah, I remember him. Seemed like a cool guy."

"Well, his roommate found him dead in their apartment a little bit ago. He mixed opiates and benzos and fucking overdosed."

"Holy shit!" I listened to her sobbing for a minute. "How's Ana holding up?"

"She's not. They had just had a big fight and broken up over it, and she's just... quiet. I don't think she's going to handle herself very well now."

I sighed. How many more bad things were going to happen?

"Look, baby. I need to stick around here for a little while and make sure that Ana doesn't flip the fuck out. I want to be home with you, but I can't just leave her hanging like that when she's going through so much."

"I understand. If my mom is doing better by the time he has a funeral, I'll try to be there. If everything gets better here then I can come and stay with you while you need to be there."

"That's a good idea. I'm going to get off of here and try to get some rest. Talk to you tomorrow?"

"Of course, and I'll send you a message whenever I hear anything about Mom. Love you."

"Love you, too." I flipped my phone shut as an older graying man in a white coat came walking up to me.

"Seth Clearwater?" he asked as I rose from the too-small hospital chair. I nodded yes to him.

"Your mother is going to be just fine," he began, and my heart brightened with his words. "She just had a little issue with her blood sugar. It dropped much too low, and that's what caused her to faint. She hadn't been tested very recently for diabetes, but now that we know what the problem is, we'll prescribe her insulin and have her monitor her blood sugar levels. She'll still be able to have a totally normal life."

I half smiled, thinking about how far from normal my mom's life had been for the past few years. I shook the Doc's hand and told him thank you before I went through some double doors and found my mom's room.

She smiled as I came to sit on the edge of her bed. "Feeling better, Mom?"

"Yes, very much so. You can go and get your imprint now," she told me, very matter-of-factly.

"I'm not in that big of a hurry," I lied. I was literally dying to get out of here and start the long run to my girl. I was craving her like a vamp craves blood.

"I know how much you miss her. No offense darling, but you look like hell since she left. Your sleep schedule is all wrong, you haven't been eating right or taking care of yourself at all. I think you've both put yourselves through enough."

I cocked an eyebrow suspiciously. "I thought you didn't like her."

"I'm not a fan of how she lives her life, but you swear she wants to be better. I have more faith in you than you give me credit for." She reached her hand to mine and smiled. "Besides, I get the wolf imprint thing. Although, if you ask me, any true love is that powerful. Once you find who you need, it's not easy to be apart."

"Well, I'm at least waiting until they release you and I can get you back home."

As if on cue, a nurse walked in. "Looks like you're in for the night, Miss Clearwater," she said. Her words crushed me a little inside, snuffing out the possibility of my leaving tonight. Then I felt guilty, because at least I was choosing for myself to be stuck here, not being told that I had to by a doctor.

I moved to the chair while the nurse checked the IV bags and things. She talked with Mom for a couple of minutes while I got comfortable, and then she left.

"Sweetheart, you can't sleep here all night," Mom said when I kicked my feet up onto the very edge of the bed.

I yawned and crossed my arms behind my head. "Of course I can. It's alot more comfortable than the forest floor."

She smiled again. "I don't know what I did to deserve such a wonderful son, but I'm so glad that I did it."

Her eyes shut and everything was quiet, aside from the white noise of the machines and monitors buzzing around my mother. I shut my eyes and attempted to rest, but my mind was just too active. I'd been asleep more than anything else since Liz had left, and now that I knew I was getting her back soon, it was impossible to calm myself down. Each second seemed like it was dragging on through eternity, and there were so, so many seconds until I would see her again.

I tried to focus on how I was going to help her through these difficult times she was in the midst of, but my mind kept wandering to naughtier territory. One of her good friends had just died, and all I could think about was her beautiful eyes, her pink lips, the dip between her hips and her ribs...

_Bad Seth! _I mentally chastised myself. I kept trying to change my train of thought to where it was supposed to be, but the images refused to stop flashing through my head.

I pictured her face when she was smiling, that cute expression she wore when she was thinking really hard about something, how broad and strong her shoulders were on her tiny frame, how perfectly wide her ass was, how sexy it is when she gets dressed up in lingerie for me, or when she wraps those perfect pink lips around me, or when she's on top of me riding me harder than I knew possible...

Maybe this wasn't the right time or setting for this sort of fantasizing, but I really couldn't stop myself. And the best part was, I was just replaying actual memories of times that we'd had, not making up what I wanted between us. We've had our problems here and there, but you would never once hear me complain about our sex life. My girl was brilliantly sexy and she knew how to touch, how to move every part of herself and me.

I figured all of the stressing and worrying could wait until morning to consider. For tonight... I needed to enjoy the peace that she made me feel. Because Lord knows, harder times are coming.

**A/N: That whole Great-Grandma thing really happened - to MY 81 year old great grandma! She's still in the hospital recovering. I'm tellin' ya, this has been the hardest spring of my life!**


	45. Vigil

_"Here's to getting worse. Hope it kills you faster... Show me how it hurts to rot from the inside out."  
-Lamb of God_

**Chapter Forty Five - Vigil**

I was about to get into a serious fight, right in the middle of a funeral for a very close friend of mine.

I guess that wasn't typically my brand of behavior, but I was fucking seething right now. I'd held my best friend close for two days and listened to her cry her eyes dry over someone that I knew for a fact she loved dearly, and now I was listening to some idiots talking shit about how she never cared for him, that he never cared for her and that she shouldn't be here because they had just broken up.

I swallowed some of my anger down, reminding myself that this most definitely was not the time or place. Then I got up and started towards the group of bitches, because I figured if a fight was how this was going down, it would be much more polite of me to wipe the parking lot with these stupid cunts' blood than have it all in the nice funeral home. And you can bet your ass that if they didn't apologize and then leave, that's what was going down. They were making me so mad that I was shaking.

I tapped the ringleader on the shoulder. "Beth?" I asked, not sounding so nice but not near as mean as I felt like being.

She turned around, her face full of shock. "Oh, hi Liz! I didn't know that you were here! I didn't even know that you were in the state."

I really wasn't one for the small talk. "Why are you running your mouth about Ana? Seems like you're a little jealous, Ginger."

She played with her hair self-consciously. She hated that nothing could get that yucky red color to go away. Dye only made it more red or more orange, and none of it was attractive.

"Why are you protecting her?" she finally asked, deflated after the ego check I dished out.

"Answer my question. Is it because you had a thing for Vince? Or do you have something against Ana?" I spread my feet apart, because I was more than ready to start punching this bitch in her ugly face. "Or maybe it's just that you like being center of attention no matter where you are, and the only way to do that here is to start something that you certainly can not finish."

There was a big crowd out here today, and everyone was falling silent around us. I could feel their eyes on me and my opponent as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"I don't care for girls that live your type of lifestyle," she answered, trying for a crack at me and Ana both.

"My type of lifestyle? Bitch, I sell the fucking dope that you can't get out of bed in the morning without - and I sell it to the guys that you fuck to get it for free! You'd never catch me dope whoring, and not Ana either!"

My rage was building, and it was hard for even me to believe that I was not hurting this girl physically right now. I grabbed the front of her blouse and pulled her towards me, jerking her body until it bowed in the middle and stopped just an inch or two from my own.

"You're a low-rent skank piece of trash, and you've always hated Ana for everything she has that you never will. Personally, I don't give a shit how low your self esteem is or how good you feel when you put others down while they can't defend themselves. If I ever hear that you've said something about any of the people that I love, I won't kill you... But I will make you wish you were fucking cold and dead in the ground. I've got so much shit on you, you do not want to fuck with me!"

"Whoa, whoa now!" Someone was yelling from close behind. I started being dragged away from Beth and tried my damndest to get whoever it was off of me so that I could strangle that fucking whore, but they were way too strong. I let them pull me away, but I wasn't finished with this situation.

"You and your little clique of sluts better leave, or I'm going to fuck you all up!" I yelled as I passed by my friends and Vince's family members.

I felt better when I saw everyone turning towards me, passing me gestures of kindness still. Two people walked up to Beth and continued urging her to leave, and she was standing there arguing with them. Her group of chickenheads stood silently behind her, waiting to follow her lead.

"I'm cool now, I'm cool," I lied to Darrell, who was the one dragging me away by my waist.

"You sure? I'm pretty tempted to just let you fuck her up."

I knew he'd enjoy it if it happened, but he wasn't going to let it go down that easily. "I'm fine, I said my peace with the bitch."

He let me go, after turning me towards him. "Alright." He smiled and winked.

"I'm going in now," I said as I turned back around.

"Don't kill her, Liz. One death's enough for this week," he said as I walked away calmly.

I got to the same spot I'd been in earlier, just a few feet from the entrance doors. I knew I had to be quick, so I spun and I ran, and I tackled Miss Prissy Pants to the ground. I grabbed a chunk of her gross hair and started bashing her head into the pavement as hard as I could, and I was a hell of alot stronger than I looked. Her skull made a loud _smack _before it would bounce back forward for me to thump it down again.

There was a lot of hollering, mostly from me, and the people closest to us were either too shocked to stop me or they knew - like I did - that she deserved it. I got in at least eight cracks before Darrell was there again, lifting me off of her. He had to work alot harder this time to pull me away, and I landed one awesome kick straight to her gut before he was able to seperate us completely.

I was still cursing loudly, but over my own voice I could hear her wailing in pain. Her friends had to help her off of the ground, and when she rose I could see the blood dripping down those light red strands, and she had to clutch her stomach as she walked.

For a moment, I felt truely remorseful for hurting her. And then I thought of who she really was, and I knew that she had it coming, if not from me then from someone else that she'd run her fat mouth about. I was sick of people adding insult to emotional injury, especially when my closest friends were on the receiving end of the dramatic bullshit.

"I told you, Liz, don't fucking kill the girl! I don't care if you think you want to right now, you would hate yourself tomorrow." Darrell was growling in my ear, and it felt like the beast was coming out in the both of us. There was something brutal and feral inside of me, something that was out for blood. He was the only completely human person I knew that had the same animalistic darkness inside of them as me.

I felt bristly, like my hair was standing on end. The adrenaline was pumping through me furiously, improving every sense that I possessed, filling every crevice of my being with anger.

I hadn't even gotten to brawl with all of Beth's friends.

I sat down and flexed my hands until my temper burned itself out. Darrell could tell the difference as soon as I could.

"Feeling better?" he asked, knowing the answer.

"Yeah, I think I do."

He held his hand up for a high five. "That was the most... the best... That was the most brutal I've ever seen a girl fight get, and you know how my sister runs her shit," he exclaimed with a huge smile on his face. "I've seen full grown men fight more pussified than that shit!"

I rolled my eyes, though I was enjoying the boast. "You've seen me fight before, D."

"Not like that, though! I didn't even think you had that much bull in you!" He laughed and sat down. "Seriously, you were like a wild cat or something. That shit was awesome."

"Well, I guess that's a compliment coming from you."

"You definitely earned alot of respect with that one, and not just from me."

Ana came bursting through the doors then, looking from side to side frantically until her gaze fell on me. Her expression shifted; she smiled and came to give me a bear hug. She took my hand in hers and walked me into the funeral home, then pulled me into the only empty space she could find.

"Liz, I fucking love you," she said in her tired, scratchy voice. "I should have guessed you would be the first person able to make me smile after..." The aforementioned smile drooped into a pout that she started fighting against, but she could not fight the tears or the shaking in her body.

"Shh, come here babe." I hid her face against my shoulder as she lost it all over again.

I hated that Vince was dead. I hated that Ana and so many others were hurting so much... And I really hated that no matter what I did, I could never take their pain away. I've understood for most of my life that death was inevitable, that it would not only take you in the end but that it would touch each and every one of the living. Despite this knowledge, death had never affected me as much as this one.

Losing a friend, or losing _this _friend rather, was like losing a brother to me. I tried to imagine what it felt like for Ana; How would I feel if it was Seth in that coffin? It would be impossible to deal with.

How was my best friend supposed to make it through this alive? I hated to admit to myself that if I was in her position, I probably would not want to be alive any longer.

I stuck with Ana through the service, and then the burial. I lied to her, telling her that everything was going to be okay. I prayed that it wasn't a lie, but it still felt like one. I took her home afterwards and gave her some valiums, and when she was sleeping hard I went back to my temporary home.

Darrell and I were getting on this freaky shared brainwave thing. When I walked through the door, he was able to communicate a question to me with just a look.

"She's home. I waited until she passed out."

"You look a little tired yourself. Think you can sleep?"

"Definitely not." I slumped down beside of him on the couch and looked him in the eyes for a few very long minutes. "How is she going to be alright after this?"

He wrapped a huge consoling arm around my shoulders. "Just give her some time. She'll always have that pain in her heart, but she can be Ana again."

"I'm not so sure..." I shook my head and looked down at my knees. "Put yourself in her position. Do you really believe that you could make it through losing the person you love the most, and still be anything but broken?"

He went rigid, and his eyes seemed to freeze. His stare changed, like his eyes were boring holes through mine.

"What?"

He finally blinked and let his gaze move around, but he couldn't take back those moments that he had inadvertently shown me something he'd only been able to say before.

"Do I think that I would ever be okay, be happy again? I know that I wouldn't. But I would keep on keepin' on, I guess. My situation's a little different than hers."

"How?" I asked, but I knew. I knew every little difference. I don't know why I was putting him through this, other than just wanting to hear it.

"Liz, look at me. My life already has that hole in it, but it's not because the person that I love is dead. She's usually just off, living in a different world than the one I'm on... But God, Liz, I don't know how much more it would hurt if I didn't get those incredible moments of her company from time to time. Maybe the ache would just eat me alive, like what you meant."

"You think it would kill you to lose me, if it was permanent." I didn't ask again.

He lowered his upper half until his elbows rested on his legs. "Sometimes I feel like my humanity is just hanging on by a thread. The thread is you, babe. Every heavy decision that I make, I consider how it might affect you. You may not feel the same way about me as I do about you, but I don't want you to have to go through losing me. I promised myself that I wouldn't interfere and try to convince you that I was the better choice anymore, but I know how great my life would be if you were mine, and it makes it really hard. Liz..." He faced me and put both his hands over mine.

"If we were together, I wouldn't be hanging on by a little thread. You're the only real thing that gives my life meaning anymore, and if everything was the way it's supposed to be, I would be a whole person. I would feel real happiness, in it's purest form. I would change so much for you... and you would be you, because you're already perfect."

I grinned, an easy way to lighten things up. I respected what he said and the way that he felt, and it actually hurt that my heart couldn't be his.

"Darrell, you know me better than almost anybody in the world and still have the idea that I'm better than I am. I know you love me, but we both know that I am far, far off from perfect."

"Speak for yourself." He cracked a pearly smile.

"I know I've brought this up plenty of times before, but if you've been into me for so long, why have their been so many visitors in your bed?" It was an attempt at seriousness, a reminder that he needed a whole lot more than just me to keep him happy.

"That's like comparing Tylenol three's to some heroin, darling." He fluttered his eyelashes playfully as I giggled at him. He pulled my feet into his lap and removed my most comfy pair of heels to massage my feet.

"Oooohhh, that feels so nice." I stretched out until I was laying down while he worked through the tense knots.

"How do your feet stay this soft? You used to walk all over the place, but they're not even hard on the heels yet."

"Good luck and a pumice stone?" I sat up and started rolling my panty-hose down through my dress. Darrell looked a little surprised until they were tossed aside, and then he rubbed my ankles, too.

My body was becoming more relaxed than it had been in weeks, but my mind was working in overdrive. I was stressed to the max, but Darrell seemed to always know how to make me feel better. I loved him for it, for that and about a million other things.

I tried to remember his intimate touch, the way his lips felt against mine when they were welcomed there. Was it not as good as with Seth? Or had I just fallen for some trick of destiny?

I had asked myself before if what I felt for Seth was all me, and nothing to do with the imprint crap. Had I really chosen him? Or... had he been chosen for me? Once the emotions had wrapped me up and swept me away, I stopped thinking about things like that and just went with the flow of things. Now I was back at square one, unsure if my feelings were my own or if they were placed upon me by some unknown force.

I sat up and leaned towards Darrell. "Kiss me," I whispered. I knew that it was wrong, but I also was certain that what I felt for him was very real.

"Liz..." He looked conflicted, stuck somewhere between pain and longing.

"I don't know what I want anymore," I admitted.

He wrapped his hand around the back of my head and leaned his forehead against mine. "Baby... God damn, I'm going to beat myself up over this for the rest of my life... I don't think that I can. You belong to someone else, and you're not sure how you feel about me now."

I pulled back. My first instinct was to argue, and my second was to just kiss him anyway. My third seemed like the best option. "That's fair," I finally replied.

He let out a huge puff of air, either out of relief or shock or anger at himself for turning me down. "I thought that I could never want anything more than to have you... physically. But if I can't have the rest of you... If I can't have your heart, Liz, and have it all to myself..." He looked me over long and hard, then rubbed his hands over his face. "Oh, fuck it!"

His lips caught mine, too harsh in their passion. I pulled myself closer to him and moved my lips with his, accepting the furious way that he wanted me. His mouth softened as his hands carressed my neck and back, his anger at how this was happening burning out so that all I could feel was the love in his heart that was all for me. He slowly pulled me into his lap, careful like I was breakable.

I was holding back, my mind too full of how bad I was being by doing this. Hurting one person to make another feel good... But wasn't that my whole life? Wasn't being with Seth instead of with Darrell the same thing in reverse?

Can't please everybody. I was getting tired of trying. I wanted _me _to feel good right now, not some artificial or chemical good, but a genuine emotion that my heart created for itself.

Darrell pulled our lips apart, breathing heavily. "You asked me for this," he reminded me. "Your mind is somewhere else."

I let myself go, and I kissed him again. I rid my thoughts of Seth, of Vince and Ana, of my grandmother, of all the stresses and worries that were currently making up my whole life. I focused on Darrell, on how hard and strong he was, on the way that his lips and his hands felt when they touched me. I let all of the negative go, and it was one of the most incredible feelings I had ever known.


	46. About A Girl

**Chapter Forty Six - About A Girl (Darrell's PoV)**

"So... you're not mad at me then?" She bit her lip the way that she always does when she's nervous.

I winked at her. "Not at all, babe." I leaned back and relaxed, committing the moment to memory for later jerk-off material. "That was more than worth it to me."

She laughed a little, one of those shameful sounds she would make to try and hide her guilt. "I'm an idiot, huh?"

Her words stung. I didn't want her to feel like an idiot for a mini-makeout session with me, not after how much I had enjoyed it. But I guess that was probably the bottom line to everything between me and her; she felt stupid when she loved me. I could never be the sure thing, the easy route. It was pretty dumb, getting involved with a guy like me and trying to be serious about it, but she wasn't the first to try - even if she would be the last.

"You're no idiot, you're just having a rough time. Makes everything all confusing," I tried to console her.

She peered up at me, her eyes filled with tears. I wiped one away.

"He'll forgive you," I said, though I could hear the slight edge to my voice. If she'd been paying better attention to me instead of letting her mind stay with someone that she barely knew who wasn't even around now, she would have noticed that. Maybe things were better this way. Well... Better for her, anyways.

She pulled her knees in as much as her clothing would allow and started crying silently, and I knew I couldn't say anything else until she wanted to listen. I turned the t.v. on and started flipping through the local networks to see if anything good was on, but my mind would not focus on what I was seeing through my eyes.

I could smell her skin still, feel her body shaking next to mine. I really hoped that she didn't leave soon, while everything was so fucked up between us and between everybody that we knew. It seemed like one tragedy was happening after the other.

A thought struck me, one that scared me more than it should; What if she stayed in town but wouldn't stay here or hang out with me before she was gone again?

I pictured myself standing outside of her window blaring an old-school boom-box, playing a mixed tape of 80's hair ballads. If that ever happened, she would at least come out and give me a hug and say hello. She would at least see how ridiculously funny and cliche it was and allow me to see her smile. Wouldn't she?

I missed the days when everything was simple, when she was here so much that it didn't bother me if her attention was on someone besides me. It had still bugged me, but I always knew that those guys would come and go, and she would never like them more than she did me. They never got emotionally attached to eachother, and whether Liz had wanted to admit it or not, she had long been attached to me.

This guy was different. He was the real deal, somebody that Liz had fallen for in the blink of an eye... And he loved her, too. He wouldn't irritate me so much if he was more of a dork, or not as good looking as he was. But this dude was fucking serious, a little too innocent for my girl but neither one of them seemed to mind. He actually had something to offer back to her.

That didn't mean that he deserved her of course, but I knew that I didn't either. I didn't know him well enough to figure out who the better man overall was, so that made it her choice.

She chose him.

Liz had calmed down, now she was getting up and walking through my kitchen. I concentrated on her bare legs since her ass was not visible enough through her sexy black dress. She stood on her tip-toes and got a plate from the cabinet. She came back to me, settling some ache in my chest that I hadn't realized was there.

She pulled something out of her top after sitting the plate on my lap. "Just do these with me and don't give me a bunch of shit for it," she mumbled quickly.

I hated her doing this. I would honestly rather have her doing just about anything else in the world, aside from being hurt by someone else. If she had kept on raising hell it could have been okay, as long as she'd stayed away from the pills. Now, I wasn't so sure that I would ever get her back. She'd passed the point of doing them casually and was headed straight for full blown addict, if she wasn't there already.

I would rather never get to see her again than have her do even one more.

I held her hair for her while she leaned over the plate, then she handed her half-straw to me and I did my share. Her phone started ringing and she looked at the screen and frowned, then hit the silent button.

"I'll be back in a second," she said as she rose again.

I got up too and found the joint we'd been sharing earlier. "Want to smoke some, babe?" I yelled down the hall after her.

"Yeah, in a minute," she called back. She reappeared as I was lighting it up, wearing a spaghetti-strap shirt and some flannel pj's that matched eachother. She looked adorable, and I could always notice something sexy about her no matter what she was wearing. Like right now, I could tell the exact size and shape of her tits through her shirt, and her pants were riding low enough to see some skin and a tattoo peeking out.

I couldn't help but keep my eyes on her as she sat down and started twisting her curls up to clip to the back of her head. I loved her athletic shoulders, her graceful neck, and the strong line of her jaw.

"You going to pass that to me or just hold it over there until it goes out again?"

My eyes snapped up to hers immediately, and I hoped she hadn't noticed how focused I'd been. I passed her the spliff and tried to concentrate on something besides wanting to throw her down on this couch and just rip her clothes away. That was easier to forget than dreaming of her throwing me down right here right now.

She handed it back to me and started releasing the smoke slowly from her lungs. "Hmm, this always make me feel a little better." She leaned back and got comfortable again. "It's been quite a fucking week, man."

"Yeah, tell me about it." It's been quite a fucking life, the way I see it.

"I feel like my legs shouldn't work anymore or something, like there should be physical consequence for being this stressed and scared."

"Got the weight of the world on our shoulders, me and you. Everything's going to shit."

She scrunched her nose in concentration, biting at one of her long fingernails. "I'm too exhausted to even think about it anymore, honestly. I think I may be remaining twisted for a little while now."

"Do another one, see if it makes you feel any better."

She looked surprised - she knew my stance on opiates. She knew I hated myself for being so hooked on them, and I'd fight tooth and nail to keep her from doing any.

But she wasn't mine, she didn't love me, she was leaving, and we were both in pain. She had the right to make her own decisions like any other adult, and so did I. I wasn't going to give her a hard time, either because I wished I didn't care, or because something in me knew that she'd get herself under control. It was just impossible to know how long it would take for her to put herself back together, and if she could even survive the process.

Her phone started going off over and over until she couldn't ignore it anymore.

"What are you going to tell him?"

"Everything, like I always do," she answered as she put the phone to her ear.

"Hey, Seth," she said somberly into the receiver. She started laughing a little bit at whatever he was saying to her, and I wished my hearing were better.

"It sucked, it was a funeral... But I did beat the living hell out of this snotty girl that I haven't liked in forever. Ana's still pretty much comatose..."

Her eyes rested on the television as he replied to her, and I watched as her expression shifted dramatically. "Turn that up!" she said very suddenly, then grabbed the remote when I didn't react fast enough.

"Five men were fishing last night on the New River in Summers County when their boat came into contact with a large rock and capsized," the anchor for the local news was saying. "Two of the men were able to swim to the bank and are now recovering, but police are still searching for the other three men."

The screen displayed three photos, and my heart sank well below my belly. I exchanged a painful and shocked glance with Liz.

"Seth, I have to call you back. Something horrible has happened." I couldn't even register what she was really saying.

"Police and rescuers say that there's still a chance that the men are alive, although it's very slim considering the freezing temperature of the water last night, and the ever present danger of the rapids. If anyone happens to see one of the men, police are asking that you report it, and if you would like to come out and join the rescue efforts, another search will be held tomorrow at noon."

My phone was going off now, but I didn't want to answer it. I didn't need anyone to tell me, not when I already knew. Liz pulled it from my hands and answered it for me.

"Hello?" Pause. "Yeah, we just saw the news, too." Pause. "He's here, but I don't think he wants to talk to anyone just yet." Pause. "No, he's just sitting here, staring at the screen. I'm staying with him, I'll make sure he's okay." Pause. "You too, bye-bye."

She had the same conversation over and over with I don't even know how many people, until the ringing died out. I kept trying to process the situation, but I would stop before I got far. I didn't really want to accept this, this and everything else that I'd lost in just a few short days.

Liz started to say something a couple of times, but she stopped herself before any words came out. She knew the sound of her voice would just be disregarded at this point. Instead of voicing what we were both thinking, instead of stating the awful truth out loud, she did the best thing she could have done for me; She handed me a plate full of lined out pills and gave me a hug.

She waited awhile, flipping through channels without noticing any of them until I broke out of the cage in my head.

"They're going to find them, but they're already gone," I finally said. It made it real, made them dead to me as they were to the rest of the world. "Why didn't anyone let me know earlier?"

"Shon and his parents were the only ones that knew until that, and he's not seeing or speaking to anyone but his Dad," she answered. "I think Skeet was the other survivor. Nobody that called even knows where he is... He thinks it's his fault because he was there and he couldn't save them."

I shook my head, trying to process everything that drugs were making it impossible to see clearly. "That's pretty fucked, learning three of your cousins are dead by seeing it on the news."

I picked up my phone and dialed Shon, because even if he was blocking the world out, he would tell me what went down.

"Dude..."

He started crying on the other end. "D, brother, I miss ya, man..." he was sobbing.

"Tell me how it happened."

"Boat went down... We were all so drunk, and none of us were wearing floaters. I grabbed Scotty and we followed Skeet to the bank... I just turned my head for a second, man, but he was already goin' back..." He could barely get the words out.

"Going back? What the fuck do you mean?"

"Kev was stuck on the boat, and Scotty went back to help him... Now they're both gone."

I smacked myself in the head, exasperated. "What about Dean?"

"Disappeared as soon as we went down."

"It's not your fault, man."

He was silent, aside from the sobs.

"It's not your fault. Your brother was a hero."

"He's still out there... Freezing and bloated up full of water. He's never coming back."

"I love ya, brother. Get some rest and stop thinking about it so much. I can't lose you too."

"I love you too, D, and so do Scott and Kevin and Dean. Keep your head up." He hung up the phone and I stared blankly at Liz.

"So that's it. They're dead."

"I'm sorry," she replied as she laid her hand on top of mine. "I loved Scott and Dean and Kevin, too."

The corner of my mouth pulled up into a half-smile as memories flashed through my mind. "Yeah, they all loved you, too. Especially Kev, he had the biggest crush on you."

She smiled back at me, and it almost made the pain go away. She was incredibly beautiful, more so than she would ever realize.

"Did he? I never knew that."

"That's 'cause I told him that if he tried to get with you, I would have to beat his ass. Had to mark my territory." My eyes started filling up with water and I was getting close to losing it. Remembering them was all I had of them now, but it was too soon to not hurt.

Liz hugged me around the neck and laid her head down on my chest. She tickled the back of my neck with her fingers, remembering that that was about the only thing in the world that could calm me down. I was so thankful that she was here with me right now instead of me being alone or with anyone else. The only people that I would rather see in this moment were the ones that I would never get to see again.

I hugged her back and rested my chin on top of her head. "Thanks, babe. I don't know what I would do without you." I sighed at the last statement. "Guess I better figure that out soon, though."

"I'll be around for a little while," she said, and her words felt promising. "There's too much going on for me to take off. I think you and Ana kind of need me around, even if for nothing but a shoulder to cry on."

I wiped the wetness from my face. "You're right, both of us do need you right now... We always do. Everything seems harder since you left."

She leaned away and smirked. "Really? Because it seems like everything started getting worse when I came back."

"Maybe it's a sign that you shouldn't leave again," I pointed out. That's what I was beginning to take these catastrophes for.

"I don't think God would go to these lengths just to get a point across to me personally," she said.

"Never know," I shrugged.

She repositioned herself so that she was no longer facing me, but her body stayed against mine and she took my hand in hers and intertwined our fingers. She leaned her head against the top of my arm and tickled my skin some more.

I sighed with pleasure and shut my eyes. For right now, she felt like mine. She was so close, even touching me with the length of her body and her fingertips. It made it so easy to pretend like we were really together, like her heart belonged to me as mine did to her. I knew that once it was time for one of us to go to sleep that the fantasy would be shattered, but at least she would still be in the same house as me. The thought was comforting enough for me to push my broken heart down and enjoy what I still _did_ have with her.

"What do normal people do when things like this are happening around them?" She turned her brilliant eyes on me, and I couldn't stop myself from reaching up and stroking her cheek with my thumb.

"I don't know. Maybe we should go find one and ask."

She lowered her head back down to my arm and played with our joined hands. "What do you need right now?"

"I need for you to keep me company until I go to sleep," I answered after giving it some thought. I wanted a whole lot from her aside from just the company, but I wasn't sure if those things were needs. And of course, I didn't want to make her mad or uncomfortable, give her some type of excuse to go to bed or to start reading or talking on the phone. I _needed _her attention on me right now, and that could be enough.

As soon as I thought it, her phone started ringing again. She looked to me with question in her eyes, and I nodded her the go-ahead to answer and say whatever she needed to say to him. Maybe when she got the conversation over with she would be more focused on me and less on him.

She answered the phone and got up to retreat into her room for some privacy. I started to wonder how her other man was going to react when she told him that she'd frenched me, and excitement started to build inside of me. Maybe he would take her lapse in judgement as being disrespectful enough to break things off with her. She would be single again, just until I nabbed her up. Seth would be out of my way, and he would stay thousands of miles away from my girl.

I squashed the hope out after I realized the giant flaw in my perfect plan. I wanted Liz to be happy even more than I wanted her to be mine, and having her heartbroken would only cause more problems.

I really doubted he was going to give her up so easily, anyways. They would probably fight and then work it out, and then after awhile he would come here and sweep her away to the other side of the country with him. They would get married and raise babies and live happily ever after, blah blah fucking blah.

Maybe if she ended up marrying this guy I could have something with her on the side. I almost wished that she was that type of girl, but then I guess I wouldn't love her so much. Kissing me tonight was a very serious offense in her eyes. She would never go so far as to fuck someone that wasn't the main focus of her life, and she would never stay with a man that she wasn't completely in love with.

I sighed and muted the t.v., then put my head against the wall. I could barely make out what she was saying to him in there, but it sounded like she was crying. I couldn't stand that she was getting into trouble and being hurt because of me.

I got up and went into what was now her room and sat down next to her on the bed.

"Would you please stop, Seth? I made a mistake, I've made billions of them. It's not his fault, and nothing else is going to happen between us."

I rubbed her back to comfort her, even though the thought of nothing else ever happening between us was a fear of mine. How do you make yourself stop wanting, stop loving someone that you've been hooked on for so long? Love was the only drug stronger than oxy.

"No," she said in response to something, and she was starting to sound less sad and more pissed. "I understand where you're coming from by asking me that, but I can't do it. Darrell has been one of my closest friends for years, and we're both going through alot of bad right now. We need eachother. I'm not going to push him out of my life because you're scared we're going to do something that I know we won't."

YES! That was the best thing I had heard in years. I wanted to get up and dance or something equally ridiculous.

She was grinding her teeth as he spoke. "Seth, look at it this way. There's always going to be guys around me, no matter where I'm at. If I'm going to be fucked up like that, there's nothing you can do to prevent me from it. I could cut this one out, tell that one to stay away, but if I really wanted someone else then I would still be able to have them."

He yelled something like, "Well that's just great!"

"I don't want anyone else. I did something stupid because of my insane emotional state, but I realized it was wrong and I stopped and promised myself nothing like that would happen again. I'm more sorry than I have the ability to explain to you right now baby, but I'll pay for what I did when the time comes. I don't blame you for not trusting me right now... I wouldn't trust me either. But you're going to have to try and have some faith if I'm still who you want."

She waited again as he responded, and then she said, "Yes, I'm still staying here."

Seth yelled something in return, and just a second later Liz looked at the screen of her phone, shocked.

"He hung up on me!" she said, her eyes wide and her mouth hanging open.

"What did you expect him to do?"

"Be mad I guess, but he's never hung up the phone on me before. Oh well," she shrugged. "He'll call back when he's cooled down, and maybe after he goes and finds some other girl to get me back with." She tried to say it as a joke, but the thought hurt her and she couldn't hide it from me.

"I don't think he'd do that to you." And I really didn't, even though that would kind of make him a pussy. I guess to her, it would make him a sweet pussy.

And there I go, right back to fantasizing about my best friend.

"Oh well, at least this time I actually _did _something to make him not trust me."

"Wait... Are you guys broken up again?" That could mean some more making out, and maybe some other fun stuff. My mind was already building a list of possibilities.

She smirked at me and rolled her eyes. "Keep your pants on, D. We're not broken up, and even if we were it wouldn't be like that."

"A guy can dream," I muttered. Now I felt like a pussy.

She hit a button on her phone that made the screen light up. "It's past two in the morning, and I've been up since seven thirty." She yawned and stretched, which was pleasant for my eyes. "When do you think you'll go to bed?"

I wasn't the least bit tired. "Now, I guess."

She got up and rifled through her belongings. "You sure? I can stay up awhile longer."

"Yeah, I've seen you go a couple days straight on empty," I laughed. "But it's fine, we could both use a little shut-eye."

She held up a CD. "You should listen to this while you're laying in bed. It always relaxes me, even when it seems impossible."

"Thanks, babe," I said as I took it and examined it. I'd listened to it a few times before, and always came to the conclusion that it sounded like everything had been recorded and then slowed way down to make it drone on. I'd never tried to sleep to it before though, and I figured she'd picked the right setting for such a lazy sound.

She smiled widely at me, because she knew it would make me smile back. Then she jumped into her bed and pulled the flannel sheet up to her chin.

"Night, D. I'll be here in the morning."

I leaned down and pecked her on the forehead, lingering there for just a moment. "Goodnight, beautiful Liz. Dream happy dreams..."

I cut the light out and went to my own bed. I didn't think I would sleep for at least a few hours, but I didn't feel like being up if I was going to be alone. I put Liz's Deadboy CD in and played it low, tried to pick apart the compositions to keep my mind off of the fact that my friends and family members seemed to be dying off at a pretty drastic rate.

I made it to the fifth song before I gave up and just started thinking about Legs. I remembered when people started calling her that, though we weren't friends that far back. I knew who she was and it was impossible not to notice her, but I'd never been able to come up with a good enough excuse to start talking to her. One day, she just started talking to me. I made it a point to keep her around after that... I think I actually fell in love with her on that first night.

She was the perfect girl to me; Sweet and soft and gorgeous like a girl should be, and hard and tough and sexy like a real woman. She was the hottest thing I'd ever seen, and she had this awesome bad ass side to her that was so hard to find.

She was around and so close to me back then that sometimes I forgot that she wasn't really my girlfriend, but just a girl that I was friends with. That's part of why it took me years to ask her if she would be. The other parts were mostly made up of fear; I couldn't stand the thought of her rejecting my advances, and I felt that if I let her know how much I wanted her and she didn't want me, she may distance herself from me or even stop coming around all together.

I guess I should have had more faith in her, especially after I finally got her, landed the girl I'd been dreaming about for so long. If I hadn't fucked everything up so royally, she probably would be sleeping beside of me right now. She was just a wall away now, though, and that was better than her being miles and miles away.

When she had left, I couldn't believe it. I felt like she'd betrayed me, and I never would have expected that from her. It didn't take long to realize I was being an idiot about it, though; I was the one that had fucked our relationship up, and I just had to live with the consequences. I never thought the consequences would lead to me entirely losing the chance to ever be with her again, but I'd made my bed and had no choice but to lie in it. And of course, I still hoped that something would happen between her and Seth to open that door back up for me.

Thinking of him pissed me off to no end. Why should he get her? She belonged with me. I knew everything about her and had watched her blossom into an extremely appealing woman. I could read her fucking mind half the time just based on the face she was making. Seth barely knew her at all, and there's no way he could appreciate her the way that I did.

I'd tried to teach him a lesson when she brought him over, but I'd ended up just making her get pissed off at me and wasting my acid on him. I think I had inadvertently pushed the two of them closer together, and also pushed Liz farther away from me.

But I had to admit, I felt closer to her these past few days then I ever had been before. It was mostly because we were both so depressed about Vince, and then about my cousins, but whatever the reason I was still thankful. She was pretty much living with me right now, and if she and Seth didn't work things out then it would be my shoulder she was going to cry on. I would help her through her pain and get her to start smiling again, and then she would realize that she was better off with me instead of him anyways.

"D?"

I jumped at the sound of Liz's voice, barely audible over the music that was still droning on. I hadn't noticed that it was raining, but a streak of lightning lit the dark room for a moment, and then thunder rocked the house. In the second I'd been able to see her, Liz was wrapped in a fleece blanket with a giant image of Tinkerbell printed on it, and she looked pathetic and sad.

"What's wrong, babe?"

She stepped around the fan and whatever else was lying in the floor and plopped down beside of me. "I'm upset, and the rain is so fucking loud that it's keeping me awake."

"Maybe you should've held on to your sleeping CD."

"Can I lay in here for just a little bit? Just until I'm calm enough to get some rest?"

I almost jumped up I was so shocked by her question. I waited a second until my voice wouldn't betray me before answering her. "Yeah, of course you can."

I scooted over all the way to the wall, and she laid down and got under the cover, keeping her distance. She reached over and held onto my hand, stayed silent and closed her eyes.

I laid there for so long that I lost track, well past the point when I could hear her lightly snoring. I didn't want to wake her up, but I thought it would probably be a bad idea to let her wake up in my bed tomorrow morning. It would freak her out, because even though she'd been the one to invite herself in here, she was serious about not planning on sleeping here all night.

I sighed as I pushed my own needs aside, and I carefully lifted myself up and stepped down from the foot of the bed. I took my time putting one arm and then the other underneath the length of her fucking amazing body, and then I lifted her up and carried her back to her own room. She stayed asleep but some part of her felt me close to her and she cuddled against me. I argued with myself some more as I stared at her bed, but I finally placed her gently on the mattress so she wouldn't wake up. She rolled onto her side and curled her knees in, but her breathing remained soft and even.

Job well done. Fucking dumbass.


	47. Rocket Queen

**A/N: Ooohhh... You all are going to hate me for this one.**

**Chapter Forty Seven - Rocket Queen**

I got far enough up my mom's road to see her house, and then I moaned in disappointment. She must have skipped work today, because her car was here. Or maybe it was a weekend and I had my days mixed up. Either way, I didn't feel like turning back now. I sighed and finished my journey, then pushed my way through the front door.

"Luna!" I squealed with happiness as my baby girl stood tall enough on her hind legs to lick my face. She'd gotten even bigger since the last time I'd seen her, which had been too many weeks to count by now. I missed her like crazy, but I couldn't keep her at Darrell's and there was no way I was going to stay here again.

"Elizabeth?" My mom came around the corner and stopped short to study me. She cocked an eyebrow and crossed her arms. "What the hell happened to you?"

"What do you mean?"

She came closer to give me a good looking over but remained silent, so I started talking.

"Why aren't you at work?"

"It's Sunday, Liz," she informed me with an eye roll. "Have you been staying with Ana Belle?"

"No."

She straightened up. "Mm-hmm. With Darrell, then? That would explain the pin-dotted eyes and the stench of cheap alcohol on a Sunday at noon."

"Yeah, you know how we roll," I replied with a cocky smile. She knew better than to try to give me a hard time for hard living. Once your own mother has been a drug addict herself, it kind of makes it impossible to take the chastising bullshit seriously.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Your dog whines for you constantly."

Luna was still attacking me with kisses. "Can't have her down there with Girth. He'll either eat her or fuck her, maybe both."

"Why aren't you staying with Ana? Or here?"

"Ana..." I tried to find some words to explain. "Ana's a zombie right now, and sometimes she needs me around, in which case I'm there. Most of the time, she just wants to sleep or do some wierd shit that she needs to be alone for, and not to be mean but she's been horrible company. Darrell's house is pretty much a twenty-four-seven party, and that's how he and I do our grieving." I winked at her. I was such a bitch sometimes.

"Oh yeah, I heard about the boys on the river. Has he been okay since it happened?"

"Probably not, but he's good at acting, like I am. He's always got too much on his plate, this is just another piece of shit to add to the pile. Nothing hurts us much anymore."

It sounded so wierd coming out of my mouth, but my mind had recognized it for awhile now. Darrell and I had become like a single entity, not two halves to a whole but like the exact same being. We read eachothers thoughts without either having to speak them, we felt the same things at the same times, and we fed off of eachothers energy. Wouldn't be a very bad thing if either one of us had any positive energy left, but the majority of the time we were just pumping eachother full of anger and hurt and drugs.

It was kind of incredible to think about how much had changed in the past month.

"Did you walk here?" she asked suddenly.

"Yep." Luna dropped a rope-toy into my lap and we started playing tug-o-war.

"Did something happen to your car, Liz?"

"Nope. Just been too fucked up to drive it much. And four dollars a gallon for gas? I'm not wasting that shit on a two minute trip."

"Are you dating Darrell again?"

"No." I doubted I'd be dating anyone. Ever again.

I hadn't heard from Seth since I pulled that stupid shit and kissed Darrell. He wouldn't take my calls, so I stopped calling. He hadn't called once. I figured that meant we were totally over and done with, and that made me really sad but it was what I had expected the whole time if I really thought back. My heart ached for him... But he deserved better, and my heart could barely be heard through the haze of chemicals inside of me. I knew the pain was there and I knew that in it's own way, it was absolutely tearing me apart. It was just so easy to get high and ignore it. Much, much easier than facing it.

I pushed my thoughts away and smiled. "I just came to see my baby for a minute, _'cause I missed her so much!_" I used my 'talking-to-LuLu' voice. It was scarier than baby-talk. "And to get some shit."

"Why don't you stay the night here? We could rent some movies."

"Mmm, tempting, but no." I opened my mouth up wide and lifted my tongue so she could see the hits of acid dissolving underneath. "My day's planned, and you can't handle me on this shit."

She looked stunned and frightened. "Oh my God, Liz! Why in the world would you take seven of them at once? You're going to end up going completely insane!"

"Wouldn't be the first time."

"I am serious! You're the one that told me some people are never right after they do LSD. Look at that skinny homeless man that stays uptown. That's why he's crazy and living on the streets! His family has enough money that he could have done anything, but he's so messed up in the head that he won't accept anyone's help. And he's been out there since I was a teenager!"

I started getting shivery and shaky, started laughing maniacally for no reason. "Too late now!"

I jumped to my feet in a very unnatural way and darted to my room. I started smelling the air and then I started picking through my things. I gathered clothes, music, toiletries, the ounce of ganja that had been hiding in here forever, and then a bunch of random stuff like photo albums, candy, my dreamcatcher and a bottle of bubble blowing stuff.

I pretty much _was _insane as I headed back out.

"At least let me drive you back over there, sweetie." Mom was using her special voice and trying her damndest to not provoke me by looking at my eyes. I was grinding my teeth like an animal and digging my claws into the thin plastic of the Wal-Mart bags holding my things.

"Can't be in that small of a box, I'd be liable to jump out of your window!" I laughed and pretty much ran back outside. I peeked my head in again for a moment and gave Luna a kiss on the head, then left for real.

It was a nice day and there were people out in their yards and walking around. Some waved and some stared, and some guys yelled vulgar things at me. One was in a car that decided to turn around to drive by me again, and then again and again, each time hollering out to me. He asked if I needed a ride, then blew kisses at me, then said come on baby, then he asked me if I wanted to fuck him. I saw a nine-volt battery laying off the edge of the road and picked it up and waited for him to pass me again. As soon as he had, I chucked it so hard that it actually busted straight through his back windshield.

His car stopped abruptly in the middle of the road, and my flight instinct took over. I was at the very beginning of Darrell's road, which was to the left. That was lucky, because if I'd had to run straight, I would actually be running into the path of the guy.

He was chasing me and I was actually laughing about the situation. I wanted so badly to stop and allow him to catch me so that I could beat him, mutilate him, maybe murder him. I kept picturing myself taking bites out of his flesh and eating him alive. Lucky for me, my legs and my brain weren't communicating and I kept on running.

When I could see D's front door, I turned and saw the man gaining on me, a look on his face that would have horrified me - if I was me right now.

"Darrell!" I yelled as loud as I could.

He came bursting from his home, looking around for me. When his eyes took in me and then the guy, he turned into an enraged bull.

He didn't say anything; he just started running towards me and then past me. I knew I was safe now - Darrell had at least a hundred pounds on my pursuer, and he never lost a fight to anyone - so I turned around to see that the man was now running away. That was smart of him, but it was too late for him to get out of this one.

Darrell clothes-lined him but then stopped his fall, only to hold him there and punch him a time or two. He stopped hitting him and held him up with both hands and heatbutted him in the face. The guys head was unrecognizable after just seconds; blood everywhere, nose broken, blacked eyes, the whole nine. I set my shit down to watch.

The sick part of me - the dominant part - had me hooting and jumping for joy. But I quickly realized that this was a dangerous situation, because Darrell was tripping hard as I was, and he was a fucking animal in a fight anyways. I'd literally never seen anyone, not even professional fighters, that were as brutal as him... Once he hit a dude in the face just one time and the man's eyeball popped out of it's socket!

If he didn't stop then he would certainly beat this dude to death, and they were out in the street... And Darrell wasn't going to stop on his own.

I ran close to them yelling his name, yelling for him to stop. He didn't seem to hear me. I went around so that if he looked up at all, I would be in his view but he kept on.

"Darrell, you're going to kill him!" I screamed, even though the neighbors were all standing out and watching.

Darrell finally looked up at me, but his hand was around the guys throat holding him to the ground, and he was going for another punch. I did the only thing I could think of, which was crazy and stupid and embarassing later on when I considered it: I lifted my shirt up and flashed him my boobs. Well, I flashed him and the rest of the neighborhood, including some dirty old men, their wives, and even a couple of little kids.

It caught his attention enough for him to let the guy go, and then he stood up and seemed to forget that he'd just been inches from taking someone's life away from them. He took a step towards me, his expression awed and excited and wild. He narrowed his eyes for a second and spit on the guy, then he finished walking towards me.

He gave me enough time to cover my tits and then he pulled me in for a giant hug. He twisted back and forth with me in his arms and kissed me on the head and face, seeming to be thankful that I was okay... Or that I'd shown him my boobs, it was really hard to tell with him.

"Think anyone has called the cops?" I asked into his chest, which smelled sweaty and manly and fucking amazing.

"Nah, they all know better."

We released eachother and went towards the guy; he was alive because I could hear him breathing, but I could hear him breathing because his air had to pass through so much blood to make it in and out of his lungs.

"He needs to go to the hospital," I finally decided.

"I say we just dig his scummy ass a hole to sleep in. Why was he chasing you?"

"He was stalking me on the way home, yelling dirty shit every time he went by. So I threw something through his back windshield. I guess he didn't appreciate that much."

Darrell leaned down and the man flinched away as much as he could. "Well, you can still move some parts of ya. So, have we learned our lesson about fucking with pretty young ladies?"

The guy tried to nod and couldn't, so he groaned instead.

Darrell lifted the side of the guys body a little bit and felt his ass, which confused me until he pulled out the wallet in his back pocket. He flipped it open and examined the contents.

"Jamie, I've got your full name and address. If you ever fuck with my girl again, I'm going to kill you. If you rat on me and try for assault charges, I'll kill you. If you attempt to retaliate against me, I'll kill you. We understand eachother?" He gave death threats out the way a teacher reads students names off a roster. It was like he had that speech written down somewhere and memorized.

The guy said yes, though you could barely hear it.

"What now? How do we get him to a hospital?"

"Let's take him to Ana's and have the ambulance pick him up there."

I tried to quit cheesing and couldn't. "Don't you think that might piss her off a little?"

He shrugged his shoulders, and he couldn't stop cheesing either - or staring at my chest. "Got a better idea?"

I thought for a minute, but only about dumb shit like bugs and flying and climbing this tree I was staring at. "No," I finally answered.

We set off on a very disturbing adventure, and even through the hallucinating I knew that this was incredibly sick and fucked up. The guy was bleeding alot; it's amazing how much blood someone can lose and still survive. And it gets _everywhere _and dries so fast that it's impossible to clean it all up.

Ana wasn't just pissed at us, she was beyond furious. She tried to get us to let his car wreck into a pole or tree and put him behind the wheel, because the best explanation we could come up with right now was that she just say she came home and found him in her yard like that. We figured we'd fucked this guys day up enough without going further and wrecking his car. She finally did things our way, but she remained all frowny about it.

We tripped out together for the next two days without pause for sleep, running wild and being free. I ran barefoot through the woods, drove around blaring music at night and doing donuts in peoples front yards, knocked over mailboxes with bats, terrorized D's chihuahuas a little, ran around Wal-Mart knocking shit over and throwing stuff at people... It was insanity and I fucking loved it.

We both slept for two days straight after we came down, only getting up to eat or drink or to use the bathroom. It took two more days to process everything we'd done and said and thought and seen while we'd been having our blast. Then finally, after six days, we were back to normal. Well, back to how we normally were, which really wasn't normal by any means.

On another lazy Monday, we had some friends over for a little drinking and a jam session. It'd been awhile since I'd played so hard, and I was feeling happier than I had in such a long time. Making art was therapeutic for me, and the alcohol in my system was making me bolder than usual.

After things started to wind down, Darrell pulled me down into his lap and started whispering into my ear.

"You still haven't heard anything from what's-his-face." He used his sexy voice, the one I referred to as the panty dropper. And it wasn't a joke; he'd dropped many a pair of panties acting like he was with me right now. I knew from experience.

"I guess he's done with me." It made me sad, but I felt too good to let it get to me right now.

Darrell danced his fingers lightly down my bare leg. "You're single... Free to do as you please..."

It was the first time in a long time that his advances didn't make me uncomfortable. So much had changed the past few weeks... I hadn't heard from Seth in at least a month, and I was closer to Darrell than ever. In fact, I was so close with him that I hadn't been crying or even thinking too much about Seth. Of course he was always somewhere in the back of my mind, but I'd worked so hard to push thoughts of him away that it had started working.

"But what is it that pleases me?" I whispered back into his ear. I was flirting with him, and he was definitely enjoying it; I could feel his excitement poking me in the bottom.

"Oh, I have a few ideas..." He ran his strong hands over my bare shoulders and down towards my chest, stopping just before he crossed the line. "Still can't believe you showed me these while I was pummeling someone."

"I can't believe it actually worked."

"That's just not something you can ignore." His nose ran lightly up and down my neck, inhaling my scent. "I think I need to see them again."

So many things were running through my head that it started to become overwhelming. I wondered about Seth, if I would ever even hear his voice again. If I did and he wanted to work things out, he'd never forgive me for sleeping with my best friend while we'd been broken up... But that didn't stop my body from craving the intimacy. I questioned how I would feel if he did it to me instead. Before our last conversation that had broken us, I wouldn't have thought that he'd mess with another girl, not for a very long time. That thought died when he told me that he was going to get me back for cheating on him by fucking the next thing he saw.

Without realizing what I was doing, I brushed my ass over his hard-on.

He gasped into my ear and gripped each side of my hips. "Oh, fuck babe. Come to my room with me."

"I don't know..." I didn't want to do something I would come to regret. I did things I regretted almost every single day, but this was a world different from getting high. I was having a war inside between my head and my heart and my hormones.

I wanted him. Not because I was madly in love with him - the way that I felt about him had changed, maybe even the love I'd always had for him. But Seth still owned my heart in some way.

Then again, I was sure he'd already made good on his threat to me and been with another girl. That alone made me want to do it for revenge, like he'd gotten his revenge on me.

My thighs were shaking and I was still brushing over him, teasing him like crazy.

"Come on sexy, I promise you won't regret it once I'm inside of that tight little pussy." He jerked my ass down on him, slipping the tent in his pants under my skirt so that there was one less layer of fabric between us. I could feel his head against my clit and his length ran down my slit so far... He was a big guy, all around. He growled and bit my earlobe. "I know you want it Liz, I can feel how wet you are already."

Darrell was the type to push, especially when a girl was showing that she could be pushed. And he wasn't the type to ask for permission.

He ran his hand up my leg and stroked me through my panties. "At least let me feel that pussy baby, I've missed it so fucking much. Let me make you come with my fingers."

I was extremely sexually frustrated, and my mouth was moaning and my hips were roaming back and forth, rolling my ass over his cock and grinding myself against his hand. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder, darted into his room and shut the door behind him. He set me down and kissed me, and I wasn't sure I'd be able to say no to him - I didn't really want to. And he was right, I was single, free to do as I pleased.

Would it even hurt Seth if he knew what I was doing right now? Maybe that whole imprint thing had been a mistake, or maybe it had worn off. If he still gave a shit about me and anything that I did, why had he ignored me for so long now? He must not have any plans for getting back together, or he would have answered or called at least once in all of this time.

Aside from that stuff, I was fucking _pissed _at him, maybe even more so than he was at me. I'd made the mistake and I took responsibilty for it, and he'd abandoned me when he knew I really needed him. My grandma had almost died and I'd lost four close friends in the matter of a week, and he knew that I was messed up from what was happening around me and that it was hard having already been away from him for so long. He knew that I still loved him despite my lapse in judgment, but he'd let something small cut him completely away from me instead of even trying to be my friend and support me through my pain. Not to mention that the comment he'd made about him fucking someone else was the very last thing I'd heard from him.

I doubted that my moving on could count as disrespect at this point, even if he was still on my mind.

I wasn't fully decided on how far I was willing to go with this, but I knew it was going somewhere. Darrell was reaching under the skirt of my dress, groping my ass and teasing my pussy. He knew that I liked things intimate and meaningful while still incredibly naughty, and he had my legs spreading for him on their own.

How could I still feel guilty for this? I truly believed that Seth and I were over. Forever. And I truly believed he'd fucked another girl, or maybe a few of them. I... I could _feel _that he had, and not just in my own head. There'd been a moment, a significant slice to my supernatural connection with him. It was like an alert going off that let me know he was no longer mine. I'd tried not to admit it to myself, but it was real enough to touch and I had to acknowledge it now.

I was moaning and gasping and breathing Darrell's name, letting my hand grip and rub the length of his dick through his shorts. Now I was wondering how guilty I would end up feeling if I made him stop after letting it progress to what we were doing. You could cut the sexual tension in here with a butter knife.

He nipped and licked at my neck, slowly making his way down. "Let me see those fuckin' titties again, baby."

I halfway considered backing out again. "I... Unnhhh... I don't know. I don't want to wake up and regret this tomorrow, after my orgasm is long gone."

"I could just give you another one then," he offered in return. "It won't be easy but you know we can stop whenever you want... You don't have to do anything you don't want to. I'll give you anything you want right now, though. I could use my hands..." He pushed the thin cotton aside and stroked me _just_ fucking right. "I could use my mouth..." He slid his finger out and sucked it into his mouth, savoring the way that I tasted. "Or we could do what we both really want and I can fuck the living shit out of you." He pushed his hard cock under my skirt again and rubbed me, making me cry out.

I pulled my baby-dollish black dress over my head, leaving me in nothing but a sexy little pair of black panties. His hands went to my breasts like attracted magnets, and he took a little step back so that his eyes could see all of me. His mouth was hanging open and the look in his eye alone told me that he had no complaints; my body was never something anyone, including myself, had ever referenced in a bad way. I was long and thin but curvy, perky tits flowing into a waspy waist and then out again to a wide and jiggly ass.

The guy that owned the local strip club, Southern X, had been trying to recruit me since I'd turned eightteen.

"Fuckin' perfect tits, perfect ass... perfect everything. I've never seen something this amazing in real life."

I was feeling proud of my appearance tonight. I turned around and crawled onto the bed on all fours, arching my back low and my ass high.

"Oh god, Liz... I can't believe this is happening right now." He smacked my ass and grabbed as much of my cheeks as he could fit in each hand. "Sexy fuckin' girl," he growled. He reached down and unzipped his pants, letting his dick spring out. He held the shaft and started rubbing the head against me through my panties, then violently shoved the fabric aside and started making contact with my skin, causing us both to cry out in pleasure.

I moved myself upright while still on my knees to wrap my arm around his neck and run my nails hard along his skin. I bent back down, head on the mattress and ass high in the air and made my ass bounce.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Darrell's voice was so deep that I could feel it vibrating through my entire system.

I wasn't going to entertain anymore feelings of remorse. Seth had fucked, and now it was my turn. Not to get him back, but because I had to move on at some point, and this situation was ideal. Time to say goodbye to the past and hello to -

"Mmm, my Big Daddy. I want that fucking cock in me. Fuck me baby."

His throat rumbled again as he ripped my underwear down to my knees and I kicked them off. He pushed just the tip into my opening, and I could feel how difficult it was for him to pause.

He leaned down and licked my shoulder blade. "You're sure? No regrets?"

I liked talking dirty, and he loved being talked dirty to. "I'm gonna come all over you, baby. I'm gonna ride that dick so good that you'll never want to fuck anyone else for the rest of your life," I said fiercely, confident that my words were true.

"Ah!" I yelled as he slammed into me, stretching me out to full capacity. He paused, panting behind and above me.

"I could come right now, babe..."

But he didn't. He started slamming into me, fucking me hard and fast and good. We were in perfect tune this time, matching eachothers rhythm through the quick pounds and the long, slow strokes. He tossed me around into different positions, and when he came close to coming he would make me stay still until he could hold it off. We were all over eachother, a tangle of legs and hands and mouths, touching and tasting and screaming our pleasure, wild and loving and soft and hard all mixed into one.

It wasn't long before I came and came, over and over and over. He could only come once and since he was making me feel so fucking incredible, I worked hard to repay him. I bounced on his dick forwards and backwards, fucked him doggy-style, fucked him with my mouth and my hands and even my tits. When he couldn't hold back any longer, I pulled his dick out of my mouth and let him watch as he blew his load all over my face and then down on my chest as he moaned uncontrollably and cried out, "I love you Liz! I fucking love you!"

I dropped down beside of him, completely spent. He pulled his bed sheet out from under him and cleaned himself up, then wiped his spunk off my face and body for me. He sighed with content as he pulled me close to him, wrapped his arms around me and kissed me intensely.

"That was the best I've ever had, by miles and miles and miles, baby. You held up that promise about me never wanting to fuck anyone else for the rest of my life."

"It was... God, that was fucking incredible. If I'd known we were that good together I would have done it sooner."

He laid more soft, sweet kisses across my face and neck. "So... Can I assume that we may be doing this again?"

I had never fallen for this cliche, but tonight had changed how I felt about so many different things. I had wanted to move on from Seth, and I'd mostly succeeded. I hadn't thought I'd reconsider everything between Darrell and I, though.

"I love you," I uttered so quietly that if he hadn't been listening so close, he wouldn't have heard. It wasn't the breath-taking love, but it felt real and promising.

Darrell gaped at me and sat up onto his elbow. "Do you really mean that?" he asked, his voice so hopeful.

I nodded yes, smiling shyly. "This feels right."

"Stay with me, baby..." He picked my hand up and placed his lips to each side. "Let me be your man again, I promise I'll do better this time. I love you so much. Be my girl and stay here with me."

I pulled him to me for another intense kiss. "I will," I promised.

For the first time in a long time, the future looked bright and beautiful to me.

**Seth's PoV**

I hid my face in shame and tried not to cry.

"Ooh, you like that baby?"

My company for the evening dipped her head to tongue at my balls while she beat me off. I concentrated on that and pictured the girl that I longed for doing it instead of the girl that was here, willing myself to pretend. Thinking of her made me come like it always did, and I was so glad that it was over.

Cindy - I think that was her name - crawled on top of me, excitement gleaming in her eyes. "My turn?" she questioned hopefully.

I yawned. "I'm real tired, think I should hit the sack before I'm up all night."

She pouted but didn't seem to care much that I'd suddenly become an asshole. "Okay." She scooted to the side of me and laid down, ready to sleep here with me.

"Do you mind? I'd rather sleep alone."

"Oh, alright then." She stood up and tried to look cute as she pulled her clothes on. "Call me tomorrow?"

"Sure," I answered, so clearly lying. She bent to kiss me goodbye and I turned my head away so that she caught my ear.

"Bye, Seth."

I waited until I heard her shut the front door and got out of bed, pulling my boxers on. I went downstairs to the kitchen and got another fifth of whiskey from the freezer, then took it back up with me. I could chug straight from the bottle now, and I needed to to remain obliterated.

I was so disgusted with myself that I had actually been contemplating suicide. I had taken away my main reason for living, and there was no way to fix it or get past it. My own misery was eating me alive, and I was drowning myself in a sea of boobs and booze.

When Liz told me she'd kissed Darrell, I assumed she'd done more and that she'd been doing it for awhile. I set out in a fit of rage and found another girl to seek revenge with. As soon as I penetrated someone besides my imprint, I knew that she hadn't had sex... I was overcome with an excruciating pain in the depths of my soul, a break in my connection with my only love. If she'd done it before, I would have felt that then.

Even worse than that, I knew that Liz felt it, too. I didn't know how I knew, but I was certain.

After the crippling pain, I left without finishing but I knew it was too late. Liz, lost and alone and overtaken with the pain of loss, had made the small mistake of kissing someone that was close to her and her heart. I, on the other hand, had betrayed her and our love for one another by sleeping with some stranger out of anger and paranoia.

I knew that I had done something horrible and disgusting, and I could never take it back. I decided that night that I had to let her go; I no longer deserved her after what I'd done. Her kiss had hurt me, but this could break her when combined with everything else, and I didn't want her to know how sick I was.

The misery I'd gained with this decision had sent me into a downward spiral. I tried to cope with the pain with another girl, and then another and another. Every time Liz would call, I'd find myself drunk and sleeping with a girl I didn't know. I had killed off everything good in me, everything there once was that was caring and respectable.

I was lost forever.

Liz didn't deserve to have to deal with a disgusting cheater. I let her go from the start and though it killed me more each passing second, I would never allow myself to try to get her back. She was a good girl when it came to her heart, and she could move on and be alright without having to know what I'd done to her.

I drank and contemplated every wrong turn I'd taken, something I hadn't been able to stop from doing for at least the past month. For me, the imprinting made me fall in love with her the first time I looked into her clear blue eyes. For her, she had to get to know me before she started to feel the pull in her heart. She'd only been in love with me for a short time before I started fighting with her, something I did because I never thought anything could tear us apart forever.

I had pushed her away out of stupidity, and then I'd wrecked everything past the point of reconciliation. I doubted I would ever be able to face her again knowing how much I had hurt and betrayed her. I prayed that she was doing better than she'd been when I last spoke to her.

Something shot through me, a pain that was both physical and in the depths of my heart. It brought me to my knees and made tears fall from my eyes, and I couldn't stop myself from admitting that I recognized what had just happened.

Where ever Liz was right now, she wasn't alone... and her heart was no longer mine. I tried to tell myself that she had fallen for someone else, but I knew that the ache came before because I had slept with someone else, not because I had stopped loving her. I wanted her to be happy, but not because there was another man inside of her at this very moment.

My pain began to shift into a rage like nothing I'd known before. Liz was having sex with someone, and I'd bet I knew exactly who that someone was. That asshole had finally gotten to her, and now he was having his way with _my _Elizabeth.

I was going to find him, and I was going to kill him.


	48. The Marvelous Slut

_Who is this irressistible creature who has an insatiable love of the dead?_

**Chapter Forty Eight - The Marvelous Slut**

"Liz, what if he shows up here one day? Just let me know what I'm up against."

"I don't know what to tell you," I lied. "And why would he come here? He's got nothing to say to me."

He pulled away a bit and lifted my chin so that he could look into my eyes. "You have anything to say to him?"

"No," I replied instantly, and I was pretty sure that was not a lie. What would I say if I did see him? 'Thanks for leaving me hanging and not having the decency to break up with me before you stuck your dick in someone else'? Because that would go over _so _well. There was no point in digging up history with him; I was over it. Mostly.

Darrell sighed and relaxed his tense position. "He's all beefed up, maybe even bigger than me. I believe you have a thing for guys that look like UFC fighters and steroid freaks."

I giggled at him. "He's not on steroids, and neither are you. And you know I always had a thing for Brock Lesnar."

"If he comes here, I'm going to have to beat his ass, Legs. I'm probably gonna have to hit him with a brick or something."

"Why are you so worried about it all of a sudden? You never let shit like this get to you, babe."

"I just keep having this feeling that we haven't seen the last of him... And my livelihood is on the line, now. If he took you away from me - "

"Darrell, seriously? I love you, not Seth. Nobody is taking me from anyone. I would've thought you had more faith in me than that."

"Ssshhh," he said as he tried to calm me down. "I know you, you'll always follow your heart. If it tells you it wants him more than me, there's nothing I can do about it but let you go. And hit your new man with a brick." He smiled that smiled, the one that said how sure of himself he was.

I climbed over him and started to seek out all of my clothing.

"What are you getting dressed for?" Darrell asked, disappointed.

"I can't talk about one guy that's seen me naked with another guy that's seen me naked while I'm naked." I hated that he kept bringing Seth up, especially when I was trying so hard to not think about him at all. I was still angry and still hurt, no matter how much I wanted to deny it, and I still couldn't help but to miss him. Maybe things would be different if I'd gotten some kind of closure from the situation, but we were fine one day and the next we were through, and I didn't even know it until he continued to ignore me.

"You dream about him."

I stopped short. "Darrell..." I hated lying, especially to him and especially outright like that. I couldn't deny it. Seth haunted me in my sleep.

He assumed I was going to lie. "Don't say you don't, you call his name in your sleep. Stevie even heard you once, when he was over and you were conked out on the couch. He was like, 'Who the fuck is Seph?'."

I fighted a laugh at the mispronounciation and focused on how serious this was. I had no excuse, so I figured that was the best approach. "I can't help what I dream about."

"I know." He sat up a little. "That's not the only wierd stuff. Sometimes you say things about him killing someone for you, and you almost always mention wolves. I'm sure you can understand why I feel like there are things you're not telling me."

My mouth went dry and I had the strong urge to bolt from the room. My phone rang, and I silently thanked whoever had saved me.

"Ignore it, Liz. Tell me what I need to know."

Pushy ass. "It's nothing you need to know, it's not mine to tell, and none of it matters now anyways. Quit tripping about him. I'll try to concentrate on something specific when I'm falling asleep so I can stop dreaming about him and his... friends. Just please, baby, let this one go?"

He flashed a sexy, cocky smile. "Not making any promises, babe."

My phone started going off again, and I didn't give him a chance to say anything else. I answered as I slipped out into the livingroom.

"Come and meet me," Ana said. "It's important."

"Why, what's goin' on?"

"Just meet me at the graveyard."

I peeked outside and examined the bright sun, then checked the clock; at least a couple of hours until sundown. Not that it mattered since the monsters were always out to play. I shook myself and realized I couldn't care about those things anymore. Maybe a vampire would eat me - so fuck it. There was nothing I could do about it, no way to fight or kill or even hide from them.

"Alright. Let me get ready," I finally answered.

"I'm already down here."

"Okay... I'll be there in a minute then." I hung up the phone and went back around the corner to see Darrell doing more dope. "I have to go meet Ana."

"'Kay. Here, babe." He brought the plate towards me.

I didn't realize that I hadn't wanted it until it was up my nose and I was out the door.

I found Ana far into the cemetary, all the way at the back where the woods creep in. She was sitting on top of Darrell's grandpa's headstone, and I told her to move the second I saw her.

"Liz, don't be wierd right now. He's dead and he wouldn't care anyways."

There was a different reason for why I didn't like it right here, but I shoved it aside and set down on someone else's feet. "So what's the big important thing?"

She started shoving things around in her giant handbag until she pulled out two forty-ounce beers. She handed me one and then got a joint out of her cigarette pack and lit it up.

"This... is my going away party," she announced as she clinked her beer to mine. "I wanted to tell you before I told anyone else."

I choked on my weed hit and started coughing. "What? Going away... to where?"

"You know that since Vince died, I've stayed fucked up. Every second of every day, even when I'm asleep."

I was stunned silent, which really didn't happen often. That was news to me, and this was the first time I'd heard her say the words 'Vince died'. "On what? You don't look high. A little stoned, maybe."

"On the shit that killed him. I've been on so many pills that they barely even affect me anymore, unless I do handfuls of them. My mom's broke and we're both sick of this shit... I never thought I'd become a pillhead, not after spending years hating them."

I lowered my head in shame, because the same thing had happened to me. I couldn't remember the last day I'd spent without doing opiates, but at least I was staying away from the benzo's. Ana was on both and I'd had no clue.

"So, I'm going to rehab. In Oklahoma."

I worked to swallow the giant swig of beer in my mouth. "What the hell?"

"I know, it sounds ridiculous. But I started searching around online for some way to get help and I came across this Scientology rehab center that offers treatment for free if you sign up to work there afterwards for at least a year."

I smoked and let her words sink in. Part of me wanted to smack her and tell her she was being an idiot, but that was mean and wrong. She was doing something good for herself and it was my place to root for her.

"Are you mad?" she asked as I silently handed her back the tiny bit of joint that was left.

"No, I'm proud of you. I'm gonna miss your cute little ass, but I totally get where you're coming from."

She hopped in front of me and gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks Lizzy, I knew you'd make this easy on me. We can go to D's now if you want."

We set off hand in hand, turning up our forty's and being like we'd always been, two fun loving girls that loved eachother even more. As we were leaving the graveyard, I got this feeling that someone was watching us, and I instantly jumped to supernatural conclusions. I was being dumb though, so I brushed it off and danced around Ana the whole way home.

I shoved my baby's door open and fell on top of him while he lounged on the couch. He put his arms around me and kissed me, then smiled up at me.

"Ana's leaving us," I pouted.

"I'm going to rehab," she said before he could ask.

He opened his mouth, probably to say something rude but he caught himself before it came out of his mouth. "That's different," he said instead. "Good luck."

"I leave tomorrow night."

I jumped up and let my mouth hang open. "You didn't tell me that, bitch!"

"Sorry," she giggled.

"Well, let's not waste any time, then." I picked up my phone and sent out a mass text to everyone in it, telling them to come to mine and Darrell's place to have a going away party for Ana. "We need to go to the liquor store and load up for these motherfuckers."

"I already took care of some of that, but it'd be nice if you could get me some more," she said sweetly. She didn't like asking others to spend money on her.

"Let's get this motherfuckin' show on the road!" I pulled Ana towards the door, turned around to kiss Darrell, then headed out.

When we returned to the house with an assload of alcohol, there was already people flooding the place and running wild outside. Ana and I got a couple of the guys to unload our spoils into the house and garage, and we went inside together so that I could get ready and so she could help me.

I'd been dressed in a t-shirt, jeans and flip-flops all day, and even though I was still sitting around the house, I'd use any excuse to dress up. Ana was looking through some of my clothes and asked me what I wanted to wear.

"Red dress," I answered.

She turned slowly and raised an eyebrow at me. "Looking to get fucked tonight, are we?"

My red dress was infamous; not that I only owned one dress that was red, but it was _the _red dress. The one that hugged my body to perfection and ended so high up my long legs that if I wasn't careful, you could see a little ass. The one that had never once failed to make every man around me drool. I only pulled it on every now and again, not wanting to risk wearing out its magic.

She grabbed it for me and I found the correct undergarments and pulled them all on. I checked myself out in the mirror as I slipped my feet into killer black heels, smiling at myself.

"I think that thing makes _you _horny," Ana commented as she came at me with a curling iron.

"Yeah, I think that's alot of the effect. They say confidence is the sexiest thing about a woman."

Ana snorted as perfectly coiled tendrils fell around my face. "I'd be pretty fucking confident too if I had legs for miles and the Brick House chick's measurements."

"Those aren't my measurements. Everything's like an inch or two smaller," I teased. "And for your information, I'd be pretty fucking confident myself if I was petite and curvy with skin and hair that would make Greek gods jealous."

She did my hair so much faster than I could. It was already done, so she unplugged the iron and started rubbing some kind of base makeup on my face.

"Liz, that's so sweet." She started fixing my eyebrows for me. "Be serious, though. You're incredibly beautiful, no one has ever denied it. Most girls would kill to look like you. Some of them even tell you so!"

"Ana, _you _be serious. You're just as beautiful and appealing as I am. We look completely different, but I highly doubt anyone would choose me over you. Most of them try for both."

She giggled at many memories of threesome offers as I applied thick black eyeliner and mascara. She did my blush and followed me out of the guest room - turned my room - turned half and half. I wasn't sleeping in here anymore so the bed was open for company, but all of my things were set about it.

Two of our guy friends yelled, "There she is!" and swept Ana away from me. She laughed and simply allowed them to carry her off, and I suspected she was just glad for a little attention. She was kind of used to having it, but she'd become a hobbit since Vince had died. She'd forgotten how attractive she was, and she needed a few drunken boys to remind her.

I walked outside and saw Darrell chatting up Mandy, got pissed off and went back inside. Fuck that shit.

I tried to drink and be social, but my heart wasn't in it. I ended up doing something I'd never done before: I left the party and went to the guest bedroom, closing the door behind me. I laid down on the bed alone and tried to block out the noise around me.

I thought about Seth for a moment, but that was dangerous territory. So I stopped concentrating on that aspect of my life and dug up the parts of me that had been buried for so long now. I pictured myself living the life that I truly wanted - not that the life I had was so terrible. I had friends, though not many that were true. I had family, a big group of people that loved me for being born unto them, even if they didn't know me. I had money and things that mattered... Sometimes they just didn't matter much to me.

What I wanted, really truly wanted, was a quiet and simple life. Spending my days with my dog, playing music and painting to express the jumble of things that were inside of me. I wanted to be free of the drama and heartache that I had ended up surrounding myself with, the things that were tearing me down and killing me. I wanted to go to church and love God and get married and have adorable babies to take care of, to share experiences and knowledge with without having to feel like a hypocrite. I wanted away from the drugs and the parties and the people that made those things their lives. So I guess I kind of wanted away from myself, if that made any sense.

I looked back through the years and wondered if those things were out of my reach. I'd thought that they were for so long now that it was near impossible to imagine otherwise, but I tried to hold out hope. I was so sick of being hopeless.

How much would I have to change about myself? Drop my friends, the ones that I really loved. Drop my lifestyle, the things I said and thought and did in my day to day life. I wanted to believe that I was strong enough, but nothing was ever quite as simple as a wish coming true.

I couldn't see myself turning my back on Ana and Darrell, pushing them away after they'd been there for me through everything. It felt selfish and wrong to even consider it, and I chastised myself for doing so.

The door pushed open, and before I had the chance to tell the person to fuck off, Darrell poked his head into the room.

"There you are," he said with a sigh of relief. He came in and shut the door back behind him. "Babe, I'm sorry about out there. I just wasn't thinking."

Huh? "No, you didn't do anything wrong."

He exhaled long and low and sat down beside of me. He pulled my head into his lap and played with my hair. "I was so scared I'd lost you again."

"For just speaking to another girl? That would be horrible of me... And completely possible when you consider how fucked up I am."

I met his eyes as he began to open his mouth, but I cut him off.

"Darrell, I need to say something."

He nodded, his brows drawing together.

"I can't predict the future, so I can't make any promises about it. I've been around long enough to realize that people change and there's just nothing anyone can do to stop it. For the past few years, you've been there every single time I've needed you. I wish I could say I'd done the same for you. So, future aside... I love you. I've loved you since I've known you, and you're one of the only people that I have faith and trust in, because you've given me every reason to. I'll never forget that. You've saved me a million times over, from the world and from myself. I should be the one scared of losing you."

He picked my hand up and kissed it. "You know I love you. I'd hand you the world on a silver plate if I could, and it's because I know in my heart that you deserve it. You're the real deal, babe. We are, together. And I think I kinda like the idea of you being scared to lose me - future included." He winked at me, making me smile.

I closed my eyes and put parts of myself back into the boxes I'd pulled them from. I still wished for my quiet life, and maybe one day I would get it, but that day was not today. What I did have today was a man that loved me, through and through. I suspect that's as much as anyone can ask for, and more than alot can say.

"Do you want to go back out and drink a little?" he prodded.

I shook my head no.

"Do you want to be alone for a little while?"

"I'm fine either way. I don't want you stuck in here with me while everyone else is having a good time. I'm just not into it tonight."

He slid down until he was laying beside of me, playing with our joined hands. "This is better to me. I'm perfectly content with you."

As we lay there in companionable silence, I couldn't stop my mind from wandering back and forth between him and Seth. If I questioned who I thought deserved my heart more, the answer had to be Darrell. He'd done so much for me that there was no way to repay him. He looked out for me, defended me intensely, and he craved my company and my happiness. He took care of me, in every form of the word.

Seth had given alot to me as well, and as much as I hated to think it, he was somehow a better match for me. Or so I'd thought, anyways. He was the sweet to my sour; he balanced me out, but only when I'd let him in enough to do so. He made me comfortable, which was so rare, especially in someone I'd known for that short a time. He also made me nervous, but only in the good ways - unless I was doing something that I wasn't proud of. Then it was a bad kind of nervous, but even that had to be good for me, right?

Darrell was gorgeous, there was no doubt about that. When I'd first noticed him, he became the epitome of a real man to me; you could practically smell the testerone running through his veins and dripping from his sweat. He was tall and built like a Mach truck, covered in hair that was softer than it should have been, smelled like a delicious mix of perspiration and a hint of good cologne, and he was very well endowed. There were more things about him that were specifically sexy to a girl like me, namely the tattoos and piercings, the attitude and the music taste.

He'd always been something very rare and special to me, and he'd always gotten me hot.

Seth was completely different, and incredibly gorgeous still. The deep tone of his skin, the depth of his dark eyes, the inky black of his soft hair... And of course the size and body shape that I had always found so appealing, were enough to set my loins on fire. Every time his skin came into contact with mine, I had the urge to jump him. I even had found myself fantasizing about him late at night on many occasions, trying my damndest to replicate his burning touch with my own to no avail.

How many girls in the world could say that they'd experienced something so sexual and intense with _two _literal dream men of theirs? I was beyond lucky in that, even if the one that I grudgingly longed for was not the one that I now had.

How could I want him more? It made me sick that I couldn't choose how to feel, because I _wanted _to want Darrell more. He was amazing to me, gave me so much more than I really deserved. Why did some horrible part of me feel like I'd skipped first place and won some kind of consolation prize?

_No, no, no! Stop doing that!_ I wished I was alone right now so I could hit myself. I mean really, what the hell was wrong with me? Where had this... Obsession? Where had this nagging pull to him come from? What was it about him that made him impossible to forget, impossible to stop craving? If he was a drug for me, I think I'd been off of him long enough to not want him anymore, but here I was having some wierd sort of Seth withdrawal.

One of the scariest parts about this whole thing was that I could get too caught up in my own stupidity and lose Darrell. I fucking needed him right now, I'd be so entirely lost without him around to help guide me. If our romantic relationship fell apart, could our old comfortable friendship survive it? Or would I be left to my own devices, lost and broken? There would be no one left to put the pieces back together this time, no one but me.

"You're thinking about _him._"

My eyes snapped open, and Darrell was staring at me with a hard expression.

"I was thinking about you, actually." Right before you said that, anyways.

"Then why are you pouty looking?" he demanded, and he was deathly serious.

"I was thinking about how it might feel to really lose you."

He slid his hand under his face and propped his head on his elbow, waiting for me to continue.

I chewed on my lip and refused to meet his eyes. "I'm taking a huge risk with you. I'm giving you my heart, and I trust you but things can still happen. If anything messes this up between us, I don't know that we'll be okay with eachother afterwards and I don't think I _can _be okay with that. I depend on you too much... You're the only thing that still makes me feel good."

I waited for him to respond and finally had to look up. He was watching me with adoration in his eyes and a sweet smile playing at his lips. I smiled back half-heartedly and he leaned down to kiss me.

"Liz," he breathed against my mouth. "If you decide you don't want me in this way anymore, I'll still be here for you. It'd tear me up if you left, but we were friends in the first place and we'll be friends after everything else is said and done with. I promise I won't leave you hangin' if you need me.

I smiled brightly and pecked his lips. "Thanks, D. Love ya." I rolled over and off the bed, then reached for the door knob to go use the bathroom.

"Babe?"

I stopped. "Yeah?"

"Would you please put some pants on? Everybody's already eye-fucked you a few times tonight."

I wanted to fight 'd had problems before over this controlling bullshit, and he knew that I hated it. We'd talked about it and it seemed like he'd changed his views, or at least wouldn't be giving me a hard time anymore about what I wore and who I talked to. Guess that wasn't the case now that he knew he had me...

I swear, you give somebody an inch and they take a mile.

Instead of bitching about it, I let it slide for this once. I swallowed a stomachful of my pride, bit my tongue, put some pants on, and left to pee...

...As the days passed and wore on, things progressed like any outsider would have guessed they would. Ana left, breaking a piece of my heart off to take with her. I felt lost enough without her to want more change.

Darrell was taking advantage of the power he now had over me, something I should have anticipated so clearly. He'd seemed to be different this time, but he was a Capricorn and those ones are forever stuck in their ways. When we were alone, there were no fights and no problems. When people came over or when we went out somewhere, it was just one thing after another... They way I dressed, the way I talked to other guys, the people I still spoke to - pretty much everything about me was like a big flaw in his eyes. To add to that, he was causing me a shit load of problems. He was becoming too much for me to handle. He was driving me insane, and I wished I could go back in time to avoid this one big mistake. I was hating to wonder what the fallout would be when he finally pushed me too far.

I was spending a lot less time at home with D, and a lot more time at my mom's house and at the only bar that was close enough for me to walk to. The bar brought along it's own new set of problems - Darrell was controlling and didn't hand out trust easily, so he usually showed up while I was there or had someone else watching me as I was oblivious. Every time a guy would talk to me, my phone would start ringing so Darrell could bitch at me, or he would come over and pick a fight. I was a jealous person myself, so I understood how he felt - to a certain extent. He was taking it way too far. Worst of all, if any guy would try to flirt with me and I shot them down, Darrell would get pissed at me anyways. We'd had the same argument for over a week about one of his friends putting their arm around my shoulder, and he blamed me and claimed I hadn't moved his arm quickly enough. And don't even get me started on how he would act if one of our male friends tried to share a bowl or a pill with me...

...I was getting more depressed. It would start when I woke up in the morning, the feeling that my life should be a hell of a lot better right now. I would rethink every move I'd made, pile up one mistake after another until the weight of all of them overwhelmed me. I would usually end up drunk during the day - I was to the point that I could kill off a whole fifth by myself over the course of a day. I would be stupid and run every one away from me and then I'd go home to Darrell and internally mock him for still taking care of me when I was being so wrong to him.

I was a bitch. I was becoming an alcoholic amongst other things, and whiskey always made the very worst parts of me come out to play. I had nothing real left inside of me without it; nothing but hopelessness. Nothing until I was too wasted to walk or think or sometimes breathe correctly, and then every bad feeling I possessed would come pouring out of me.

It was too much to deal with. I kept snapping at Darrell and if Ana were here, I'd have snapped at her too. I was snapping inside. The pit of misery that had forever existed inside of me was now winning it's battle for control. I was miserable and it was coming out whether I liked it or not.

I stopped cussing guys out when they'd flirt with me. I never did anything with any of them - I just started enjoying the attention, the distraction from my feeling completely worthless. I stopped talking to my real friends and any part of my family that may have pointed out how done I was. I stopped trying to be good to Darrell and stopped entertaining any show of respect towards him... He hated it but somehow he still loved me enough to just put up with me. Maybe he could see how much I was hurting and had decided to stick it out with me until he could leave me alone for a few days and not find me dead when he came home.

It was hard to believe how quickly my life was passing me by. I hadn't heard from Seth in three months now, and it made me sad to think that he was the only measure of time I carried anymore. It also made me feel stupid that some part of me still refused to let him go... I missed him, so much that his name would appear on my lips during most of my drunken tyrades against Darrell. I hated seeing what just that name could do to him now.

I was through, a 'done bitch' as we called it around here. I recognized where I was going, and I didn't think I cared.

It's funny how fast life can happen.

It was July now, nights as hot as the sweltering days. I was walking back from the bar, letting my mind wander slovenly through memories of happier days. I was questioning which face Darrell was wearing as he waited for me to make it home. I tried to recall earlier in the day, whether we'd been getting along or not; We'd argued for some portion of the day, over what I couldn't remember.

I was on the cemetary road, just reaching the turn-off that would carry my feet home when something stopped me.

I was drunk enough that I was stumbling and mentally challenged, but this moment felt significant. My graveyard reminded me of Seth ever since I'd brought him there. I started to ask myself if I should turn right, turn to my Darrell or if I should keep straight and turn to a memory of something too special for words. It was a simple delusion to amuse myself, but it felt so very important to me.

A chill rocked down my spine and through my body as a breeze threw my hair about. Something in me knew that if I went straight, my life would change. I needed different; whether it was to be good or bad, I had to have different.

Stupid and impulsive as always, I marched past the turn to my road. I questioned my decision and even my need to make one as my feet smacked along the smooth pavement, but I had a strange determination to be in that graveyard. Adrenaline coursed through me, knocking a bit of sense through my brain. I was edgy, scared even. Scared and incredibly excited. I had no idea why I was doing this, but I somehow just _knew _that something was going to come of it.

I could hear a car cruising up the road behind me. There was nowhere to go and nothing to see up this mountain, so I assumed it was someone on their way home. They surprised me when they pulled up beside of me and rolled their window down.

"Legs?"

I jumped about a foot in the air and then took a moment to breathe and make my heart slow. I stared angrily at the figure through the window. "Damnit, Walker! Give me a fucking heart attack!"

"Maybe you shouldn't be strolling down the street at three a.m., girl! If nobody snatches you up, you could still end up dying from heart problems," he joked back.

Chuck Walker had been around as far back as I can remember. He was your typical redneck that spent his time hunting, fishing, riding four-wheelers and making an ass of himself. He had a skinny build and big, funny looking ears.

He'd never given me a reason not to trust him.

"What're you doin' out here so late?" he asked as I got my bearings.

"I... was walking back from the bar."

"Missed your turn back there." He pointed behind him with his thumb and smiled.

His smile made me nervous. "Well, I wanted to walk down to this graveyard for a minute before I went there." I felt like a rat caught in a snakes stare.

He made a motion with his arm. "Go on, hop in. Let me give you a ride."

I smiled through my fear, sweet as I could. "Oh, that's alright. I was really wanting to walk."

He shook his head and pulled his car to my front, parking and turning it off before I could even assume that he was just leaving. He opened his door, and in that second I was terrified. I realized there was no reason to be and pushed as much of it aside as I could.

"Can't let a pretty girl walk in the dark alone," Walker said politely as I met him by his car door.

Now that he was out in the moonlight with me, I could see that there was something different about him... Or maybe a few somethings. He looked wrong and somehow better. When he noticed me studying his features, he turned and began leading me on.

I couldn't think of a way out of a situation that was now frightening me. All I could do now was go with the flow. I lit up a joint to try and relax, to think. I passed it to him just as we reached the gates.

"I just wanted to walk to here... To smoke this," I lied through my teeth. If I could lie for dumb shit, I could definitely do it to save my life.

His gaze swept through the dark cemetary. "Yeah, it looks creepy in there."

My phone got a text from Darrell asking where I was. I turned towards the street, my back to Walker to type back that I was just up the street. I figured if there was something weird going on, maybe knowing someone was up waiting for me would keep him from doing much to me.

"Heard you were livin' with Big D," Walker said as he passed me the roach of my joint. I was so nervous I lit up another one.

"Yep," I answered between puffs.

"Don't reckon he'd come lookin' for you, do you? I remember how jealous he gets... Wouldn't want him to catch me out somewhere with his girl."

I didn't think he would come looking for me, and it was too risky to ask him to. "Yeah, he's on his way down here."

We stared at eachother, locked in a stalemate. He was probably trying to figure out if I was lying, and I was trying to determine all of the changes to his appearance. He seemed a little more built, his body larger and more graceful. His features were less flawed, though I would still consider him unattractive. His teeth were about a million times nicer than before, and his eyes were not only a different color but they shone more sinister than the Walker I had known.

Part of me wondered if I was just a paranoid freak while the rest of me settled uncomfortably into the realization that Walker was no longer the human redneck that I'd grown up down the street from. He must have been turned into a vampire at some point, and surely he was going to eat me. Any minute now.

He began to shift around uncomfortably, and I wondered if he had picked up on the sound of my heart racing.

"Darrell is taking forever," I faked annoyance as I pulled my phone out. I was too nervous to send him the message I was thinking of - one that said help in all capitals - so I played it off and sent him a 'Where are you?' just like if he really was on his way.

Walker was beginning to look more scared than I felt. "Want me to just drive you up there? We can pick him up along the way if he's walkin'."

Alone in a car with a possible vampire? No thank you! "That's okay, I'll just go on and meet him by myself. You know how he'd feel about me being in your car with you."

"'Kay," he replied as we both started back for the road. It scared me all over again, him following me out. It didn't necessarily mean he was going to hurt me; he had to walk back to his vehicle. It definitely didn't mean he wasn't going to hurt me though, either.

"Hey, am I makin' you nervous, girl? You're startin' to sweat."

I coughed out a giggle as I wiped my brow. "Must be all that whiskey trying to escape me. Probably best though, I'm supposed to get up early and go see my mom and then I'm going to my cousin's for a few days..." I started making shit up so that he would remember how big my family was. He had to see that if I suddenly disappeared, people would be looking for me.

It was killing me to not know if I would ever make it home again. My mind was running wild as we came upon his ride. I was so relieved I could have hugged him goodbye when he pulled his door open to climb inside.

"Legs? You may not want to mention that you saw me tonight. I'd sure appreciate it, anyways."

"You owe out money or something?" I joked.

He smiled crookedly as he shut himself inside the car. "Something like that!" He winked as he started his car and then he blew away quicker than he'd came.

I stood in the street, completely dumbfounded. My legs beat my brain to the punch and I was running home before I realized what was happening.

Darrell was up and starting to put his shoes on when I burst through the front door. He was chatting on the phone to someone, but he stopped and gave me a hug and kissed my head on his way to hunt down something in his bedroom.

He stopped and turned back to me. "Baby, you look _beautiful. _Is everything alright?"

I shook my head yes at him.

"You sure? You look like you just saw a ghost or something."

"I'm fine," I said without sounding too freaked out.

He said something into his phone and flipped it shut, then sidled up next to me and wrapped me up in his huge arms. He kissed my neck as I melded my body to his and hugged him fiercely, so relieved that it was still possible for me to do so.

He pulled back and smiled brightly. "You seem different tonight, babe... So much more alive than the past few weeks. You got the light back in your eyes. You sure nothing went down that I should know about?"

"Well... I ran into an old friend that helped remind me how lucky I am to be alive and to have what I have."

He stroked my cheek. "Damn, I missed that smile. I have to ride out and meet up with some people, want to come with?"

I nodded a yes and started following him out to the car. We were halfway down the street when he asked, "Who was the old friend? I'd like to thank them."

"It was Walker."

He raised his eyebrows at me. "Texas Ranger?" he joked.

I rolled my eyes and smiled. "Darrell, you know who I'm talking about. Chuck Walker, from down the street," I clarified.

"Babe, that's not possible." He used a voice like he thought I was stupid but didn't want to make me feel bad about it.

"It is very possible, thank you. I've known the kid my whole life, there's no way I mistook him for someone else."

"Elizabeth," he said, his voice serious and brinking on anger. "I'm telling you, that is not who you saw tonight. I watched them roll him into the ground months ago."

I wanted to smack myself for being stupid. "Oh."

"So do you not know who you talked to earlier?"

"I guess not." I watched him for a moment and was able to tell where his mind was. He was thinking about how much he hated me talking to some other random guy. I waited for him to start flipping out about it, but he kept his mouth shut.

He switched courses and smiled at me again. "It's good to have you back, babe. I used to be able to feel your energy when you were near..."

"Feel my energy?" I asked skeptically.

"Yeah, it's impossible not to - when you're you. Ana leaving dulled you out alot. But now I can tell that you're back and ready to kick some ass. I'm going to put you to work, baby doll."

I stared at him, the sly and cocky expression on his face as our car pulled to a stop. I looked up and got a little pissed.

"Are you fucking kidding me? I am _not _dealing around with them!" I jumped out of the parked car in a huff and lit up a cigarette. The home of the Mexicans loomed in front of me, bringing back alot of memories that I didn't care for.

Darrell locked his doors up and came around beside of me. "Come on, babe! Best deal around, straight out o' Colombia. We'll be up a few G's in less than a week."

"Darrell," I sighed. "You know if you need money - "

"I'm not takin' a damn thing from you," he claimed strongly. "I don't need to. I make my own dough, I'm just asking for a little help. You're the only one I trust."

I tossed my smoke away and we ascended the yard and stairs hand in hand. "I have a bad feeling about this," I whispered as the door opened. It felt ominous, even with the two dipshits standing there topless, one playing with their pit bull, the other with his hand firmly over his junk.

"Big Papa and Little Mama! Come on in!" Shorty welcomed us excitedly. They loved Darrell because he was a gangster, through and through. They loved me because they thought I was some type of eye-candy fuck toy.

Shorty hugged me, and then Longfellow followed, lingering with his arms around me long enough to make me extremely uncomfortable. Darrell must be serious about making this money, or Longfellow's face would have already hit the floor.

They started asking eachother in Spanish if they should do their business out here in front of me or if they should move it to the kitchen. Shorty pointed out that I was already privy to what they did, and then he pointed out that I probably knew enough of their language to understand what they were saying. Longfellow decided to test this theory out by making some vulgar comments about me, but he shut up right quick when he caught the look I was shooting his way.

They all started talking facts and figures, and I blocked them out. I'd been sick to my stomach since we'd gotten here; I didn't want to be involved in any of this. I patted the cushion beside of me until their beefed up Pit - Tippy was her name - curled up beside of me, and I petted it's short fur as I flipped through the channels on their television. No one said anything else directly to me, so I went on ignoring them. Even while - and after - they loaded up a dishwasher into Darrell's car... I just kept my fucking mouth shut.

They hugged me again as I left, dazed out and contemplating my life. I couldn't say why, but something felt off about what was happening, something I couldn't put my finger on. I wasn't sure if I should listen to my instincts or just go without it like I always did. But then, I'd been sketched out about situations before and had been right.

Guess I'd find out.

**Seth's PoV**

I'd lost it. Completely lost myself.

I'd been a wolf for at least two weeks now, only phasing back when I found easy clothes and a cheap, warm meal. It was getting harder to focus on the parts of me that were human, mostly because those parts were terrifyingly hurt and angry.

I'd been running and running, sometimes in circles. The animal in me kept leading me in the direction of my Elizabeth, but I'd realize where I was headed and start running far north to avoid the problem a little longer.

If I knew that seeing her would take away the ache in my chest, I would just go. I didn't think it would be like that, though. I figured if I landed there and saw her, I'd find a happy girl that didn't plan on leaving for home with me. She _was _in her home; her own unique element. She probably hated my home. I figured she was with Shithead, having her a hell of a time. Liz did always have a flair for drama.

So I'd run off course constantly, but I knew where I'd end up after all was said and done. I _had _to go and see her. I often wondered if I would live long without doing it, and somehow I just knew that I wouldn't. _If _I managed to survive this, my existence would be so incredibly empty and isolated that it wouldn't be worth it. If I didn't go to her soon, I was going to end it myself.

"Do you need anything else?" The waitress at the little truck stop cafe asked me politely. She was plump with rosy cheeks, and I hated that I could see her face so clearly.

That was another thing that had changed through the imprint; After I first saw Liz, I couldn't see anyone else. Not until her heart shifted away from mine.

"Eggs, please." I nudged my plate towards her. "And coffee."

Liz had always loved to make eggs for breakfast. I'd been eating them alot lately but couldn't find any that were near as good as hers were.

"Look like you'd be real handsome if you'd just smile," the plump little waitress prodded.

I halfway attempted a smile. "I lost the love of my life," I reasoned with her. Surely she'd understand.

"Oh, I see. Bet she was a pretty young thing?"

"Gorgeous... Tall and thin and curvy with snow white skin, long blonde hair and big blue eyes."

"Quite the lady?"

"The absolute best that there is," I swore.

She nodded knowingly. "And the two of you are very much in love."

I sighed. "I am. She... I ran her off. She moved away, and now she's with someone else."

"Have you tried talking to her, sweetheart?" she asked like a concerned mother.

"I messed it up too much," I admitted in disgust.

"Oh, honey! Don't do that to yourself. If you know in your heart that this girl is the one, then you have to talk to her and try to make things work. If it's right, she can't say no." She winked merrily. "What have you got to lose at this point?"

She poured my coffee with one last smile before she went back to the kitchen. I thought over it, and she was right. I had nothing left to lose by trying. I think my biggest problem at this point was that I didn't feel ready, and I think it may have been because Liz wasn't ready for me yet. I'd felt the pull so strongly at first, and it came back with a vengeance every now and again, but she was indecisive and I believe that she was holding a grudge against me now. I guess I would have to wait just a few days longer, and then I was going to find her - whether she wanted me or not.

I scarfed down my eggs and said goodbye to my waitress as I ran off and into the woods to ditch my humanity for a bit longer. The only crappy part was that I wasn't alone in my head, and my thoughts had been shit for months now.

_You guys have been apart longer than you were together, _Jarred thought.

_Imagine how it feels to me, man. Imagine how bad it hurts... in my heart._

_ Don't cry on me now, dude. Hey, I've got a surprise for you. Might make you feel a little better._

_ What's that?_

_ Check this out. _Through his eyes I could see a sign stating that he was in northern New York, less than a night's run from where I was.

_Wow. Cool! Why, though?_

_ I'll help you get your girl back, _he replied, his thoughts in a funny voice. _Teach ya how to put them moves on 'er._

_ Haha! Like you know anything about moves! _I wanted to be an animal again, and it was making me mean. I wanted to run.

_Just run towards me and we'll figure the rest out together. I'm not trying to push you into anything, just thought you could use a little company._

_ Sorry, and thank you. I'll see you soon. _

We both ran until we found eachother, and then we wrestled around for a bit. He'd been irritating me the whole way to him. We stayed in Niagara that night, phased human so that we could talk about the hard stuff without letting eachother hear the things we didn't want to actually say. Despite that, he couldn't hide the look in his eyes when they met mine, the incredible pity he had for me. He knew I wouldn't make it much longer like this.

It took him hours, but he finally brought her up.

"So what's your plan, man? Last I heard, you were headed to the hills to commit a murder."

"I'm not sure. Different parts of me want to do different things and I haven't figured it out yet."

"I don't think you want to hurt anybody."

My head snapped up and heat rushed down my spine. "Don't bet on that."

"Whoa, chill out Seth! I get it, she means alot to you."

I tried to calm myself down. "She'd hate me if I hurt him. Especially after everything else I've put her through. But when I see him..."

"You don't know if you'll be able to hold back," he finished for me.

"I did alot of wrong to Liz. I've been with alot of other girls since she's been away... That doesn't make me not want to tear him apart for being inside of her."

Jarred looked like he wanted to tell me to not be so graphic.

"Imagine if it was Kim."

His expression turned fiercely serious and he nodded at me, no question in his eyes; He would kill the man.


	49. Revelry

**Chapter Forty Nine - Revelry**

"It looks brown," I said as the mucky goldish color slid down the drain.

"Definitely alot darker than before, but it's still blonde," Darrell assured me as he rinsed the last of the dye out of my hair. He ran a towel through it to keep it from sopping and then told me to blow-dry.

I liked the outcome - it was awesome how different I looked with such simple changes. Instead of bleached out Barbie-doll blonde, my hair was now a tasteful dark golden color. I'd been shopping and had a ton of new clothes, though my style hadn't changed. I'd been in the sun enough the past couple of weeks that I had some color now, and my new hair brought it out even more. I'd also had a cut at the salon earlier in the day, so that was another slight difference in my look.

I was satisified. I just looked like a slightly better version of myself, and that's kind of what I'd been going for.

I left the unfamiliar hotel bathroom with a fake frown tugging my mouth down.

Darrell's eyes got wide when he saw me and took me in. "You don't like it?" he questioned with worry.

I shook my head no, my frown turning to a pout.

"But Liz, you look fucking _incredible!_ I didn't think there was any way that you could look more beautiful than you did, but this..." He picked up a small section of curls and then ran his fingers through it. "And it's nice and soft. Why don't you like it?"

"You really think it looks good?"

"Babe, I didn't really want you to dye it, I thought it wouldn't look as good. Trust me, it looks _better. _I swear I wouldn't lie to you about it." He stepped back and looked me over again and again, smiling like a devil.

I smiled back when he paused momentarily on my face. "I like it, too. Just wanted to see what you would say about it." I lifted up the lid on my suitcase and started picking out my outfit for the evening. "Who should I be tonight? I'm thinking something sweet sounding, like Candy or Angel."

"I think you should be Liz tonight," he replied quietly.

I shut my suitcase and started changing my clothes. Darrell drooled a little but helped me into my dress. He stood behind me looking at both of us as I checked my reflection.

"I like using fake names."

"Then how about Lynette?"

I rolled my eyes at him in the mirror. "I hate that name." It had to be the dumbest, baby-doll sounding middle name anyone had ever come up with.

"Please, babe? At least tell me that's the name you used when I see you later on?" He puppy-dog eyed me.

"Okay." I twirled around and pecked him on the lips before I grabbed my purse and guitar to head out. "So you're going where exactly?"

"Just to Gary's. I'm tryin' to do better babe, but I'm pretty sick right now. I've been waiting for you to go to open mic so you wouldn't have to be around it."

I was back to hating pills, so I'd sworn them out of my life even more so than before. They hadn't tempted me before, they'd just been an annoyance. Now when they were in my face, I wanted to do one, and I couldn't stand feeling like that. It had been causing even more fights than usual between Darrell and I, so he was trying to straighten up a bit. Lord knows it had been enough fucking trouble the last few weeks having people in and out constantly to get coke off of us without having to deal with the usual bullshit as well.

"Yeah, you better go do your thing. The air conditioner's on in here and you're sweating. Alot." He'd be worse off without it. I just wanted him to start practicing a little self control. He reasoned that that could be because I was usually a master at it.

"Sorry. Can I get another kiss before we leave? I hate missing your show."

I tilted his face towards mine with my fingertip and breathed words into his ear. "Don't worry 'bout that, babe."

Darrell got the horniest when he was dopesick. Or I guess everyone did. I made him horny all the time anyways, so I loved teasing and playing around with him when I noticed his pupils growing wide on their own. He was usually also more of an asshole when he was sick, so that gave me more incentive to be extra sweet so that he wouldn't flip out for no reason.

He smacked me hard on the ass and squeezed the cheek in his hand, pulling me into him by my bottom."I think you're going to be a little late yourself, you sexy fuckin' girl."

He tugged my guitar case from my hand and laid it in the floor, then threw me like a sack of potatoes onto the bed.

"Darrell..." I started to whine as he pushed both of my legs up at the knees and buried his face between my thighs for a drawn out inhale.

"Shhh," he whispered as he rubbed me through my panties. "Just let me eat your pussy before you go, baby."

His mouth was against my underwear, the heat of his breath sent chills through my spine and the vibrations coming from his throat when he spoke literally made my legs tremble. He noticed that and smirked at me, then resumed playing with me with his fingers.

I had been in a hurry, but how could I resist such an offer? Especially with the way he was laying it out to me; I had a beautiful man's face, smiling like a cocky asshole from right between my legs. I was already spread out here like a Liz buffet, wet and ready to go.

He knew I'd given in, and he pulled my thong off with his teeth. With a feral growl, he dove tongue-first at my crotch. He flicked and licked and sucked and savored me, and he had me in less than five minutes. It usually took awhile for me to get off, but Darrell really knew what he was doing with that sexy mouth.

After my amazing orgasm wound down, I picked up my panties and stuck one still-heeled shoe through the leg hole.

"_Liz..._" he whined. He looked down, and my eyes followed. He was about to burst out of his shorts.

I pulled my panties up and handed him the remote and a bottle of lotion.

"Have fun, honey bun." I smiled and tried not to laugh as I got up, grabbed my things and left.

My state of mind had improved since my almost-brush with death. I had started to realize how lucky I was, along with about a billion other good things about my life.

My thoughts had been lingering on Seth and I'd overanalyzed everything about him and us for a little while. I eventually calmed down and let my thoughts go to happier places... I still loved him. I missed him insanely. We had hurt eachother, and I had no idea if we would ever be anything again, but at least I had lived those few months of bliss with him at my side - in my heart and soul and even in my bed. I looked back at that time as the most purely beautiful thing that had happened to me in my short life, but seeing it this way made me revel with joy that I had experienced something so full of wonder.

Even though I missed him, I was still okay without him. The way I felt for Darrell was no comparison, but I loved him and he loved me and we were sticking through the hard stuff. He knew that a huge piece of my heart was not his, but he didn't let it get to him enough to change the way he was treating me. The parts of me that he _did _have made up for alot of it. He had flaws like anyone, but he was my best friend and I was glad to give him as much as I could since that was all he asked for.

My life was far from perfect and it wasn't even the best it had ever been, but at least I still had a life to speak of. That alone gave me hope for the present and for the future, however it may play out.

I was doing so much better, even knowing that something I longed for may still somehow be available to me. If he came back to me then it would be impossible to know how things would happen, but I could accept my life the way that it now was.

I was doing things that I enjoyed and things that felt familiar to me - I'd been traveling around the state, seeing my family, jammin' the hell out of music, and slinging a whole lot of cocaine and pot on the side. I was painting and writing and getting my friends to take awesome rocked-out model type of photos of me and I would do the same for them. I wasn't indulging myself like usual with dope and booze. Just a little drink and smoke every now and then. It wasn't the same as sobriety, but that's not at all what I had set out for. I just hated being dependent on chemicals, hated losing myself to the demon... And I wasn't doing that anymore. I had been through alot of back and forth with it the last few months, but it was different now. _I_ was different now.

I'd had all the strength inside of me to do anything, it just took me some time to realize it. I'd made it through worse and if I ever had to again, I know that I could handle it. I could - and would - take on every challenge that life threw at me, even if some of them were above and beyond normal circumstances. I mean, fuck, I'd made it this far.

I parked my rental in front of Drifters, the trucker/biker monstrosity of a dive that I was playing tonight. I knew Darrell would be out and away from me at some point, and the plan was to come here then. He wouldn't have allowed me to be here, even if he was with me. Especially not dressed the way that I was right now.

As the bouncer pulled the door open, music, pool balls clacking against eachother and shouting flooded the cool night. You could feel the energy of the place upon entering; this was definitely a rough and rowdy crowd. The only women I saw were bikers, most of them big and tatted up. The smaller ones looked like meth-heads, all skin and bones and greasy hair and clothes. I even thought I spotted a possible prostitute or two. The men - the many, many men - were similar. Most were big and hairy and covered in ink and leather, and the smaller ones looked strung out. Everyone left in the middle still somehow managed to look like a criminal.

They should have named this place For Felons or Criminals Club. Of course, that made it sound too exclusive.

I made my way to the bar, and the place started to _feel _exclusive... There seemed to be a spotlight trained on me. Not all of the eyes following me seemed welcoming and friendly. Some of them were downright creepy.

The bartender, tall with blonde hair and green eyes and a scary smile came right over to me. "You here with anybody, baby?"

I glanced around, noting that everyone was looking at me with curiosity. "Well, no..."

"What can I get for you, beautiful?" He winked at me, and I gagged a little on the inside.

"Water." I had a feeling that getting drunk tonight would be a terrible idea.

"We don't serve water in this bar," the guy beside of me said, and then he spit right into the floor.

_Ewww!_

"I guess nothing, then. I just came to play." I hoisted my guitar case up onto the bar in front of me.

"Need me to buy you a drink, sweetheart?" the guy on the other side of me offered.

"Do I look like I need anyone to buy me anything, sweetheart?" I sneered back. "I take care of myself."

Everyone within earshot howled with laughter, and many of them made their way over to me. They surrounded me, hooting and hollering and yelling shit.

"Damn, wonder if she's that feisty in the bedroom, guys!" One of them yelled. My eyes found the guy, and he was freaking _sexy. _He was some mix - like most people in the southern part of our state - of white and Native American. He was well over six foot, built big and strong with a rough, masculine face and short, messy black hair.

"Like you would ever get the chance to find out," I shot back at Mr. Sexy. He was pretty on the outside but I did not appreciate that nasty mouth. I turned back around and met the emerald eyes of the bartender. "Jameson. Double." He took my cash and got my drink.

"What's your name, Blondie?" Another random guy asked.

I said the first thing that came to mind. "Legs." I wished I'd come up with something else as everyone kept hollering and I sipped at my drink.

Mr. Sexy walked over and made one of the guys sitting beside of me move. He sat down and ordered both of us a double of Jameson, making sure he flashed all the bills in his wallet at me before he put it back in his pocket.

He smiled, and that made him even sexier. "Where you from?"

"How do you know I'm not from here?"

"Sexy little piece like you? If you were from here, you wouldn't come _here._ Can't be the smartest move you've made."

"I'm from around Beckley, and I'm sure I'll be fine." I tossed back the rest of my first drink so I could start on the second.

"You will now, 'cause I'm going to look after you. Do you have any idea what more than half of these guys would do to you if they ever came up on you alone? Some of them might even try something while you're here, with all these other motherfuckers around."

Before I answered, someone started calling, "Legs? Where is she? Elizabeth! Liz!". My first instinct was that it was Darrell, but that's not who came towards me, still calling my name. It was actually worse than that.

He stopped about a half a foot in front of me. "You remember me?" he asked angrily.

"Hi James," I said as I slid off the stool. I'd been involved with some severely fucked up shit against this guy and he would probably kill me before the night was over, but no way was I backing down from him.

He smiled nastily. "I fuckin' knew it was you, you little cunt. I bet you're still fucking Big Daddy too, aren't you?"

"Aww, what's a'matter? Still mad that he beat the living fuck out of you and five of your little buddies?" I tossed back the rest of my drink and put my hands on my hips. "I don't think it's any of your business who I'm fucking."

His hand was around my throat before I had the chance to react. "It is now bitch, 'cause I'm gonna fuck you - "

Mr. sexy busted the drink in his hand over James' head, knocking him out. After a second the surprise died out of me and I kicked James right in his teeth. He fucking deserved it.

"Avengers! Come and take your trash out to the dump! He's not welcome here!" Mr. Sexy yelled across the large room.

I looked up at him through my lashes, feeling shy after that whole scene. "Thank you."

He winked at me. "Told you I'd protect you, babe. By the way, the name's Rocky. Don't forget it."

I tossed my curls behind my shoulder as Rocky checked me out pretty hard. He wasn't trying to hide that he was doing it, or that he was enjoying it. I was lookin' pretty good tonight - my dress was a black stretch jersey halter covered in tiny shimmery silver spots, low cut in the front and backless and stopping high on my thighs. I had on some black patent leather six-inch heels, my eyes were done up in smokey gray, hair in long and loose curls and my skin was covered in a light shimmer that smelled like vanilla and flowers.

Rocky must have noticed the smug expression on my face. "You know how hot you are, huh?"

"I don't know what you mean," I replied airily.

He had just ordered us another round, and the same guy brought them over. "Guys love a woman who's confident," he informed me with an assured smile. "I'll drink to it!"

I giggled and clinked my glass to his. "Well, to confidence, then." And we both drank.

I hung out for a little while and made sure to not drink too much. Rocky kept talking to me and keeping me entertained... He flirted a whole lot but he never asked for my number or to take me home or anything, which was different but refreshing. I had no intention at all of cheating on Darrell no matter what anyone else had in mind, but I could talk to this guy. What was the harm? I wasn't trying to flirt back.

When I was buzzed enough to go on stage and play, I checked my phone first and saw a missed text from Darrell. It was from at least a half an hour ago.

_Where did you say you were playing at again?_

_I'm about to go up now, sry I missed that before, _I sent back. I avoided his question but I hoped he wouldn't notice and I really, really hoped that he hadn't gone looking for me. I'd lost track of time.

The message he sent back was horribly misspelled: _I wa gona com see u but im bak at the rom no. cnt drve. Lve u._

He must be really high. I prayed that he hadn't shot up again... I would have to check his arms when I got back. I sent him back a "Love you, too," and grabbed my guitar as the guy was announcing me. He introduced me as Elizabeth, probably because he'd heard James call me that.

I expected most of the guys to watch me, maybe even listen a little. The listening was a bit of a stretch, considering that it was just me on acoustic and I was not playing any sort of hardcore music... My set for the night was actually more mopey and sappy type of shit.

The whole bar surprised me when the major part of the decent sized crowd got quiet and rested their eyes on me. When I started to play, they really listened and some of them sang along with me and alot of them applauded after every song. Everybody loved it the most when I played a cover I'd just learned, Kings of Leon's Revelry. I put alot of passion into that one; it reminded me alot of me and Seth.

So that went well. When I finished, I had to leave. People were calling after me, telling me to play more and offering me shots, but I was worried about Darrell. I'd lost too many people I cared about to drugs, and it was hard to tell what he was on and how much until I actually saw him. He usually lied to me about that shit.

I burst out the front door and straight into the pouring rain. The calm night was gone, and the run to my car was going to fucking suck. A second after the door shut behind me, it flew open again and whacked me in the lower back.

"Ow! Fuck!" I said, though it didn't hurt much. Yet.

"Oh, I'm sorry Legs," Rocky said as he shut the door back. "Want me to kiss it better?" He smiled menacingly and blew me kisses.

It was so cheesy. What was this thing I had for bad boys?

I rolled my eyes at him. "No, thanks. I have to go find my _boyfriend._"

"Big Daddy?" He finger-quoted the name.

I laughed and turned around, spinning him with me. I pointed at one of the many posters that littered the front of the building, and then singled out one of the four faces.

"That's him," I informed him proudly.

He bent closer to have a better look. "Is that... _Darrell_? How did I forget that was his nickname?"

"You know him?" I wasn't really surprised; My guy knew everybody. Tripped me out sometimes.

He flashed me another lovely smile. "Yeah, he's cool I guess. Kind of an asshole, though."

"Watch your mouth buddy, that's _my _asshole you're talking about." I was joking, so I smirked and crossed my arms.

He had me pinned against the wall before I knew what was happening.

"I'd love to see that," he said softly into my ear. "Come home with me tonight."

"No." I wanted to push him away, but it wasn't the best idea to touch him right now. You learn tricks like that when you're a girl with raging hormones.

"I know a part of you wants to, or you wouldn't have spent all that time with me tonight. You won't regret it."

Cocky little bastard. "You said you knew D, that means you know what he would do to you if he were to find out that you even _tried _to fuck around with me. I have to go."

"It would be worth it if I wasn't just trying. I don't give a fuck how big he is."

Well, logic wasn't seeming to work, and this was not the place for me to be starting a fight with a biker. I'd have to try a different approach.

I twirled the end of one of my curls. "You know, I've actually been trying to get away from him forever! It's just... Well, nobody else will help me. Every time I leave, he follows me around and beats up any guys that he sees me with."

He watched silently as a wiped a real-fake tear from my cheek. "If you wanted to be my boyfriend, then you would get him to leave me alone... Right? The cops won't even help me." I leaned in and whispered, "He may even be listening to us right now!"

Rocky started to say something, probably a bullshit line that went something like, "I'll help you with your crazy boyfriend if you come and have sex with me tonight."

Before he had the chance I yelled, "I know! Let's just go over there tonight and tell him that we're together!"

His eyes bugged out. "Maybe tomorrow - "

"This is going to be so great! I can just drop out of school and move up here and stay with you - "

"You're in college?" he interrupted, surprised.

"Oh no, silly! I meant High School! Didn't I tell you? I'm only seventeen!"

And the award goes to...

"Look, I don't think... I can't... I have to go before Darrell kills me." He headed back inside and I finally let the laughter out of me. The bouncers had seen the whole thing, and now they got to watch me doubled over and busting at the seams. Rocky must have left through a back entrance, because he drove past on his motorcycle and didn't look over to catch me on the verge of peeing myself.

One of the bouncers started laughing with me. He looked vaguely familiar to me, and he confirmed my suspicion.

"You're Liz?" he asked after we both calmed down.

"Have we met before?"

"In passing. I know Darrell pretty well, and the rest of the guys."

"That's cool. They're fuckin' nuts, huh?"

"Craziest times of my life," he answered with a knowing chuckle. Nobody got down like my boys... Nobody else even wanted to party as hard as they did. Get as fucked up maybe, but not do the insane shit that they did. "I'm glad Darrell found him a good girl that knows how to handle herself."

"Well thank you," I smiled. "Sometimes I have to get creative to get these assholes off my tail. Most of them try harder when they find out who my man is, like they've got something to prove!"

"Yeah, D is kind of infamous. Alot of guys target him out and try to fuck with him in wierd ways... Like trying to take you home. Many of his friends do that?"

"None of the real ones," I replied as I lit a cigarette. "His friends are my friends too, and they all know better. We're all more like family... Severely fucked up and mental family, but they don't toe that line with me." Usually.

He held his hand out. "Well, I'm Matt. Tell Darrell hey for me? Tell him it's from Hitman, that's how he knows me."

"Sure. You want his number?"

We exchanged numbers and he tried to have me take his umbrella with me so I wouldn't get soaked the second I stepped out from under the awning. I didn't want any wierd evidence of tonight in my car, so he walked me to my car while I shielded my head from the rain.

"D doesn't know where I am," I told Matt - or Hitman, or whatever. "I just told him I was going to play at an open mic and he assumed it was a normal bar. I intentionally hid it from him."

"So I saw you where?"

I thought for a moment. "Just call him tomorrow, say you found his number from years ago. It hasn't changed."

He shrugged. "Works for me. Get home safe, it's nasty out here tonight."

"I'll be careful." We nodded goodbye to eachother and I hit the button that automatically rolled my window up and left.

The room was dark when I entered it; My hip cracked against the sharp edge of the dresser beside the door.

"Fuck!" I yelled. Again.

"Babe?" Darrell called, his voice high and thick with sleep.

"I'm sorry, I'm a little drunk." I set my things down and slipped out of my shoes. I grabbed a huge t-shirt to wear for bed and headed towards the bathroom, but Darrell stopped me as I passed.

"Change out here," he said, his voice clearer.

I pulled my dress off, leaving me in some teeny tiny lacy underthings. "I say we raid that mini-bar in the fridge. I want to see how many tiny bottles of liquor it takes for you to get a buzz."

He smiled at me and sat up, then reached into the top drawer of the nightstand and pulled out a bottle of Wild Turkey. "I figured you'd be out past two."

Two a.m. was when they stopped selling beer around here, and they stopped selling the good stuff at freakin' eleven p.m.

"Oh babe..." I crawled into bed with him as he poured us glasses. "You know me so well."

A few days later I found myself home and settled in, having a beer with Darrell and his band while they were taking a break from rehearsing. I missed Ana and it was different being the only girl around. I didn't like it. I also did _not _like them replacing Vince with some new guy that didn't have even a miniscule protion of the talent that Vince had when he was around. This guy - Luke, I think - fumbled through the songs, even though they'd given him weeks to practice at home already. And I didn't like his dorky personality, so I made sure to be a little cold towards him.

I wasn't the only one upset with the decision to pick this new guitarist up; Darrell was in full blown ass mode against the guy today, and it definitely wasn't him picking on the loser just to mess around. He wanted him out of his house and out of his band, A.S.A.P..

Luke was butchering Hell's Half Acre - _my _song - when Ana called me from rehab. I had to walk up the street to hear what she was saying to me, and to stop myself from yelling at her. I was a little tipsy, so I ended up walking into the edge of the doorframe on the way out.

"What's up sweet pea?" I asked as I stopped in front of a neighbors home.

"I want to come home."

"Ana... Why? You're already through detox and that's the hardest part."

"Liz..." Her voice dropped low. "These people are crazy! They wouldn't give me any meds, even when they said I was going to have seizures! The only therapy they have is vitamins and yoga and massage... They wouldn't even give me Atavan!"

"Ana Belle, you went there to get off of drugs, not for them to wein you off. What would you have thought if they tried lowering you down like the methadone clinic does? You would have been sick for months instead of weeks! You're doing good, and everything sucks here. Keep your ass in rehab."

"But - "

"No, ma'am. No but's. This is what you need. I don't want to see your ass around here for a very long time, and don't take that in the wrong way. I love you."

And I hung up before she could say anything else. I didn't want to hear her complaining about being somewhere that was making her healthier, and I actually had to go somewhere.

My town was currently flooded with cocaine, and my boyfriend and I were the main suppliers... I had alot of deliveries to make.

**Seth's PoV**

I could smell my Elizabeth.

I wasn't one hundred percent on where I was, but it was West Virginia, some northern part of it. I'd been coming down through the boogeywoods in Maryland when I noticed it. Actually, I started to follow it and _then _I noticed it; Sweet, warm cherry pie leading me around and around through the trees. I could picture her here, beautiful in the sunlight though I had no idea why she would have covered this one area so well. What could she have been doing? I followed it to the edge of the forest, and from there I could see one nice little yellow house and another smaller double-wide trailer. There were kids running around the yards, playing in the pool and in the dirt. There were adults sitting out on the porch, and I could smell cornbread and stew and blueberry pie along with Liz.

But I didn't see her. This trail was at least a couple of days old.

Jarred and I went through the woods to the town, and then we phased and clothed ourselves. We tried to put water in our hair to clean it out, but now we looked like bums that had just gone swimming. I memorized the name of the dirt road we'd been on with the scent, and then I started asking everyone I saw if they knew who lived out there.

Finally, a woman in her mid-forties at the grocery store told me, "Well yeah, that's where my Aunt Dorothea lives, all the way at the end there."

"Dorothea...?" The name sounded so familiar.

The woman looked surprised at my confusion. "Dorothea Ringer. Are you not from around here?"

My brain clicked it into place. "She's older right, like in her eighties'?"

"Yep, that's her," the woman smiled. "Do you know one of her grandchildren?"

"One of her great-grandchildren, actually," I smiled back. "Her name is Liz."

"Oh! Little Lizzy is my cousin!" she replied with excitement. "But oh dear, she's not here anymore. She must have gone home at least a week ago." She pursed her lips.

"Well, that's where I'm headed."

"Are you her boyfriend?" she asked, flirting just a bit. "She didn't say anything about a boyfriend."

"Well, don't tell anyone. I was her boyfriend, but I love her... So I came from Washington to see if she would give me another chance."

"How romantic!"

"So she didn't bring anybody else up here with her?"

"Nope, she came all by herself. When you find her, tell her that we all said hello and we love her, and tell her to come back up to see us and to bring you with her."

"Oh, I will. Could you do me a favor and not tell anyone that we talked? She doesn't know that I'm coming."

She mock locked her lips and threw the key over her shoulder. We said goodbye to one another before I set off to find Jarred again.

So Liz had been visiting her family recently... Maybe she wasn't being such a bad girl anymore.


	50. Werewolf, Baby!

**Chapter Fifty - Werewolf, Baby!**

I was having a particularly crappy week. And a crappy day, though I'd only been awake an hour or so.

It'd been raining for days, making the world dismal and dreary and gray. I didn't feel sick, but the weather made me sleepy and achey. I'd been laying on the couch and drinking tea with a little sugar and alot of Half N' Half since I'd woken up, watching a marathon of Sex and the City episodes. I thought it was funny that women tried to play it off that they watched that show for the fashion when they all really just wished they could have that type of power with men and relationships. Women longed to be as evolved as men, to be able to treat the opposite sex like they were disposable.

Then again, not many men that I'd met were like the men on this show, either. Not to me anyway.

By about three in the afternoon, I stopped being a lump and got up and showered and changed out of my p.j.'s. Darrell was gone, and I had alot of stupid stuff to do today. I just really didn't feel like dealing with it, especially since the first person I had to meet up with was my ex-asshole Jess.

I got myself and my shit together and flicked my bedroom light off. As I made my way towards the front door, I stopped for a second as my belly did a little flip. I opened the top drawer of the armoire beside of me and stared at my thirty eight pistol for a very long moment, considering taking it with me. If nothing else, it would alleviate the fear that had crept into me.

I sighed as I shut the drawer empty handed and headed out to my car.

I called Jess to make sure he was where he was supposed to be, and then I headed out to Grandview to meet him. I didn't like the setting for such a big deal, and I wondered if that may be why I was feeling a little scared. It didn't help that he wanted me to walk down the most treacherous of the trails they offered to find him. I wasn't aware I would need hiking boots to sell my dope.

I hit the freeway and headed to the park, a whole kilo of cocaine sitting in a backpack in my passenger seat. To say that I felt nervous was an understatement; my stomach was doing back flips and every second that passed stretched on and on. I tried to relax, told myself that I had done this a million times before and been alright and I would be alright this time, too.

What was the worst that could happen? I could get pulled over, but I had a lawyer on call. That wasn't totally horrible... I could handle a little time in the pen. I'd write some cool music about it.

I couldn't shove the whole of my fear aside, but most of it was silenced. I parked my car and grabbed my bag, keys and cell phone, leaving my purse in under the seat. I locked my doors, and as I walked along through the lot and then the park I made sure to smile at alot of people so they would notice me. I was trying to keep my calm, but something was telling me that this was a horribly stupid idea. Somehow, I had the courage to go forward but not to turn back; part of me was planning for them to at least be able to identify my body.

That's a pretty fucked up way to feel... But it was too late now. I'd been walking for like, fifteen minutes now, and I was deep enough that I could hear Jess and someone else making noises. I felt so sick at this point that I had to turn back, but then I saw them.. and they me.

My eyes grew wide, but I reminded myself to just keep my cool.

"Hey, darlin'!" Jess said as he stepped towards me and gave me a hug.

"How ya been?" I asked, trying to keep the tremor out of my voice.

"Been pretty good," he said with a nod and a smile. His demeanor was so much different now than how it used to be, towards me at least. He was more like when we had first met, which was a hell of alot more pleasant than what I'd come here expecting. It calmed me down a bit.

He waved his arm towards a guy that he was with. "This is my buddy, Jeremiah. Jeremiah, Liz. Or Legs, 'cause hers are fucking sexy," he snickered.

The guy hadn't seemed threatening at first glance, but he eye-fucked the shit out of me and the look on his face was creepy. He was tall and stringy, bald-headed with military style pants and boots and no shirt, just tats. He wasn't big and that was good, but he began to smile at me and I wanted to vomit. Not because he was being repulsive, but because it shook me to my very core.

My fight or flight started to kick in, and I was thinking flight.

"I have to go _right now_," I said loudly. "Someone's waiting on me."

Creepy Creeperson started coming towards me as Jess asked, "Is it Darrell?"

"Yes," I replied, my chest pounding.

Jess held out his hand for the money as Jeremiah was reaching into his back pocket...

...He didn't pull out his wallet or money. He pulled out a fucking Glock and aimed it right at my face.

My life didn't flash before my eyes. All I could think was, _You stupid fucking bitch! You're going to die now and you knew! You fucking knew you shouldn't come! You knew every second that you should turn around and walk away from this shit! You stupid, stupid cunt! I really wish I could see Seth once more..._

He held his empty hand out towards me and motioned for my backpack. I put it into his hands, and I wondered why that alone didn't relieve me. The way he was looking at me was downright horrifying - I could see the wheels in his head turning, making plans for me. He was still pointing his gun, but I prayed that he was just robbing me.

I caught something big out of the corner of my eye, but I felt like I could shit myself at any second. I was not taking my eyes off of Jeremiah - it was easier to shoot someone when they weren't looking you in the eye.

A stick snapping broke the usual noise of the forest, and Jeremy clicked his safety off.

Something inside of me changed. My fear suddenly disappeared and I felt like myself again. Even better than I had since... Well, since Washington. Since Seth.

"I'm leaving now," I said as I took the absolute boldest step back of my life.

"I don't think so," he replied with a squeaky voice.

"Just let us go," Jess said. I had almost forgotten he was even here.

"_You_ can go," Jeremiah replied. His eyes remained on me, and that same smile that made me want to vomit appeared on his face. "She stays with me."

I expected Jess would run at that point, but he actually tried to reason with the fucking psychopath. "You can't hurt her, dude. She's a good girl. She's got a hell of alot of friends and family, all across the country. Just put the gun down."

"You're the one that brought her to me! You even called her Sex On Legs! You think I'm going to miss an opportunity like this? I'd have to be crazy!"

"You _are _fucking crazy!" Jess yelled. He must have grown a pair since we were into eachother. It was making me feel more brave, because if Jess had it in him to talk shit to this guy then I really shouldn't be scared.

Jeremiah's expression turned fierce as he switched his aim towards Jess. "You stupid fuck! Maybe I should just shoot - "

Something huge quite literally burst through the trees at an amazing speed, and my only thought for a long moment was that this must be a very vivid dream... But I knew better.

Just before Jeremiah went down, his gun went off. There was an incredible ripping and burning sensation in the bicep of my left arm, and I almost fell backwards. My eyes went to my feet, and I could see blood dripping onto the dirt of the forest.

It hurt like a motherfucker, but I was alive and I was getting the hell out of here. I turned tail and ran as fast as I possibly could, which was better than expected in my flip flops. Before I made it back to the populated area of the park, something knocked my knees out from behind me.

I didn't scream... As soon as I felt the heat on his skin I knew. And I loved so much that I was in his arms again, even if it was wrong.

He carried me out to the edge of the woods running, and then he slowed to a walk. He was topless and people were looking at us with so much confusion on their faces, but I didn't care. I relaxed into his arms and examined my injury. There was no bullet in there - I could tell just by the amount of pain. It had skimmed me pretty deep though, and it was bleeding alot. It looked like it had ripped through some of the muscle, but definitely hadn't gone all the way to the bone.

As he came closer to my car, he held me up a little higher and took a big sniff off of me.

"Keys?" he asked.

I pulled the key from my bra. "Set me down."

He did as I asked and I got into the passenger seat. I didn't want to risk bleeding too much and passing out after I'd just survived one disaster.

When Seth got into the car, my mood shifted again. Anger and hurt boiled up inside of me... He had abandoned me when I needed him, and then just happened to reappear out of nowhere.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I asked point blank.

He sighed. "I have so much to apologize for."

I wanted to tell him to fuck off, but I just leaned back and crossed my arms. I winced at the pain it caused and settled for leaning back and putting my seatbelt on with my good arm.

"Take me home, please."

He started the car and reversed out of the spot. "Liz, I'm taking you to the hospital."

"The fuck you are! I'm going home, and you can go where ever."

"I'm not leaving your side again for a long time, whether you want me there or not," he replied.

I laughed. "Let's see."

"You have to tell me which way."

I figured I was too pissed off to direct him all the way to my house, so I turned on my phone's GPS and let it guide him. I rolled my window down and puffed down a cigarette as I used fast food napkins to soak up some of the blood.

I tried my damndest to ignore him and did, but he was the only thing I could think about. He looked more gorgeous than ever... He seemed bigger, appeared to be glowing and the smell of him drifted to me just enough to notice that it was the most wonderful scent ever. I would only allow myself glances towards him, but I could see something so wrong behind his darkened eyes.

He caught me looking at him, much to my dismay.

"Can we talk after we take care of your arm, or do you want to rest first?" he asked, and I wanted so much to tell him yes.

"You can't come to my house, Seth. I'm sorry, but you cut me away from you and I've moved on." It broke my heart to say it, but there was no way in the world that I was bringing my ex boyfriend to my current boyfriends' home. It felt wrong on too many levels.

He watched me for a moment out of the corner of his eye. "You're living with _him, _huh?"

I grabbed another napkin and tossed the red one out of the window. "Yeah, I am."

"I can't just leave, Elizabeth. This is too important... We need to talk. I have to come with you."

"That's just a horrible idea, all around."

"I'll talk to him first," he replied. He seriously was not going to give up.

"I'll just... Why can't we talk later?"

He remained quiet for the last ten to fifteen minutes of our drive, and he parked my car right out front. Darrell was standing outside with his band, and as soon as he saw us his expression turned from a smile to the biggest scowl I'd ever bore witness to. He narrowed his eyes and walked towards the car.

"Stay here," I said quickly and quietly as I jumped out of the car.

I was shaking and he could see that I was hurt, so Darrell shifted gears once again.

"What in the world happened, baby?"

The stress of everything hit me and I started to pour tears. "I fucking got shot!" I sobbed as he pulled me into his arms. "Oh my god baby, it was the scariest thing that's ever happened to me in my life. I was so sure he was going to kill me, and probably rape me or something before he did that..." I wiped at my face and tried to force myself to relax a little bit.

All of the other guys were congregated around me, listening with looks of anger and horror on their faces.

"Where the fuck is this guy?" Ritchie yelled.

"We'll kick his fucking door in and rape and kill him!" Hart followed.

"He's gone." Seth had silently slipped from the car and walked over to us.

Darrell held me close and said nothing to him, surprising me. Instead, he asked me if I wanted him to fix my arm up.

We all headed inside together - the guys sat down in the livingroom while Darrell and I went to the kitchen. Seth leaned against the edge of the doorframe, and I completely ignored him. He didn't belong here, not with my man and some of his best friends... But he had saved my life, many times over. I owed him my existence. I just wasn't sure what that entailed for me.

Darrell eyed him closely as he walked by to get the supplies he would need to clean me up and stitch me back together. Seth only stared at me until Darrell came back. He set the things down and went to the fridge.

"Here, babe." He handed me a bottle of Malibu Rum and laid a pill down. He crushed it and I whiffed it, and then he sat down and got to work.

"How did this happen, baby doll? I want names."

I had to take a few swigs just to talk. "I went out to Grandview... to meet Jess," I began, wincing in pain. "He had me meet him way out through the woods, and there was this other guy there with him. I was so fucking scared the whole way there and then when I was walking... I knew I should have turned back. But I saw them, and Jess was being nice and the guy seemed halfway normal for the first minute or so. He pulled a gun on me and ripped me off, and then he said that Jess could leave but that I had to stay with him."

"I swear to God and on my father's grave that I'm going to kill that motherfucker!" Darrell growled. "So how the fuck did you get away from him?"

He stuck the needle in my skin and I screamed.

"I'm so sorry, baby. Hold on to the chair, just don't flex this muscle too much. Get you another shot and I'll put some more numbing stuff on you."

I cussed and moaned but avoided crying - and talking - as he worked on my wound.

Seth came over, cringing at my pain. "I killed him, and you are really hurting her," he said directly to Darrell.

Darrell was just finishing up, but he dropped the needle and it dangled from my arm. He stood up and hugged Seth, shook his hand and thanked him. "How did you know where she was?"

He looked between the two of us and seemed bewildered by something he was thinking. He tied the thread a few times and clipped the excess, and then he turned his eyes on me and was extremely serious.

"Have you two been seeing eachother?" he demanded.

"Absolutely not!" I said as Seth also said no.

"Darrell, if you'll just let me talk to you, I can explain this and alot of other important things. I just need to know that what's said will stay just between us," Seth offered.

Darrell gave him a long hard look. "You both sure you haven't been talking or anything? Because I would expect for Liz to tell me something like that while it was happening."

"Darrell, look at me. I haven't heard from him once since... the boating accident." I chose my words carefully, not wanting to bring up another touchy subject.

"We're not lying. There is alot that you need to know, and that's one thing you can be sure of - we haven't seen or spoken to one another in months. Could we go somewhere private, like to the building out back?" Seth looked like he wanted to push him out the door, he was so eager to get it over with.

Darrell nodded and said, "Okay, we can talk."

He helped me up from the chair and wrapped his arms around me, burying his face into my hair. "I'm so glad that you're okay, and I'm so sorry I wasn't there to protect you. It won't happen again, babe. I love you." He kissed my head and rubbed my back, radiating relief at the fact that I was safe and in his arms. "I love you," he said again before he kissed me passionately.

"I love you, too. I think I might lay down while you're out there." He pulled back to look at me, and I glanced between the two men that owned every bit of my heart. "Please be civil towards one another," I finished.

I got a beer from the fridge and went into the livingroom to chat with the guys while Seth and Darrell headed out back. I only had the energy to bullshit for a few minutes, so they all told me they loved me and was glad that I was okay and then I headed into the room and flicked the light off. I snuggled up on the bed and wrapped a blanket around me... It was probably just seconds before I fell into my dreams.

There was hardly any light coming through the window when my eyes reopened. I felt like absolute hell, but I had to get up and see what the fuck was going on after today's excitement. I wanted to see if Seth was still here, and find out what had happened between him and D.

Darrell was sitting on the couch when I dragged myself into the livingroom. He stood up and hugged me. "Feeling any better, baby?"

"Kind of. I'm still really tired."

He handed me another pain pill and I swallowed it down with the same beer I'd grabbed before my nap.

"What happened while I was out?" I asked.

"Well... That was definitely the strangest and most interesting conversation I've ever had with anyone..." He sighed and sat back down, pulling me carefully into his lap. "Seth told me alot of unbelievable shit. And then he showed me some of it, so I know he wasn't lying. I know you didn't want to tell his secrets babe, but that's some pretty serious shit... You dated a guy that turns into an animal! And this whole soul mate business... I don't really know what to make of it all. It's alot to take in."

He kissed my cheek and hugged me close. "He's sleeping in the guest bed. He wants to talk to you, and I promised him I'd have you get him up when you were awake."

"Are you okay with that? This is such a fucked up situation, and I don't really know how to handle it myself. Tell me what is and isn't going to cause us problems."

"I haven't figured that out yet. But I know you two care alot for eachother... I care for you more than anyone on the planet, and I guess he does too..." He shook his head and squinted his eyes like he was trying to mentally work out an incredibly long math problem. "Fuck, this shit is wierd." He sighed and looked at me. "I owe him for saving you, and I'm not going to stand in between you wanting to see him and speak to him. He can even stay here while I'm gone, so long as you are both respectful."

"Of course, Darrell. You know I wouldn't do that to you."

"If anything ever happens between you guys again, you better let me know that it might before it actually does. I'd hate more than anything for you to leave me, but if you choose him then don't act on anything until I know that you're not mine anymore."

He was being honest, but I could see how much it hurt him to say that to me. He gave me another squeeze and a long kiss before he placed me back on my feet, closed himself in his room and turned on some music. It shocked me the way he was acting - he was leaving me so open to choice, no matter how he felt about the whole thing. He loved me enough to be selfless, and I loved that about him.

I went into the guest room without knocking and clicked on the small lamp as I sat down beside of Seth. His eyes snapped open, and we stared at eachother before he threw his arms around me and pulled me down to him. I wondered if I should move away, but we were only hugging and I really didn't want to budge. Darrell wouldn't like it if he saw it, but it was innocent... And it was much too difficult to let go.

Seth breathed me in over and over, rubbed my back and my good arm and practically purred with pleasure. "Can we save our talk for tomorrow? This is too perfect to mess up yet."

"Okay," I agreed. I was too tired and traumatized to do serious tonight.

"You can't imagine how much I missed you. It was hell, Liz. I wanted to die without you... To have you here now, so close... This is heaven to me. I'm so sorry I stayed away for this long."

"Shhh. I missed you, too," I admitted as I snuggled a bit closer.

"Do you still love me, Elizabeth? My heart aches when you're away, and it's whole when you're near..." His voice was so soft, so subtle. Music to my ears.

"I do, but..." But I absolutely loathed the idea of hurting Darrell. How could I walk out and betray him after all we had been through, all that he had done for me?

Seth rubbed my back comfortingly. "I know, baby, I know. But it's up to you, and you have all the time you want and need to decide what's going to make you happy." He said and then cast his eyes down. "You may not even consider me an option after you learn of the things I've done. I'm not the man that you thought I was, and I'm not the man that I should be for you. I've made some terrible decisions, Liz. I can only pray that you can forgive me."

Well, I guess we really were going to do this tonight. I sat up and asked, "What did you do?"

He put his face into his hands and then wouldn't meet my eye. "When you said that you'd kissed him, I was so sure you'd done more. I was with a girl..."

My stomach tightened, but I already knew.

"...And I've been with other girls, too. I know now that you hadn't done anything more than what you told me you'd done, and if I could change anything I had ever done in my life, it would be the times that I was with them."

He looked at me with tears in his eyes, trying to hold them in. "Liz, I can't tell you how sorry I am. You never deserved for me to do anything wrong to you. I was such a fucking idiot and I hate myself for what I've done. You are amazing and wonderful, and the fact that I would waste any attention on any other female makes me such a piece of shit. You should be worshipped, not disrespected and ignored."

Part of me was incredibly hurt by this information, but it wasn't enough to really damage what I felt for him. I just needed time to process... It wasn't like I'd been an angel, and I wouldn't pretend to be something I was not. I wouldn't say that I deserved what he'd done to me, but we were both at fault for alot of things.

"Thank you for being honest with me, Seth." I placed my hand over his and locked my gaze to his. "And I forgive you for what you've done. You've overlooked alot of bad in me, I'm in no position to judge or to hate you for making a mistake."

"You can punish me for as long as you want, I know I deserve it. Just _please, _Liz, _please _do not send me away. At least not just yet."

I sighed. "Darrell said you could stay here while you're in. I need... time to think. I have alot to think about. I'm going to go out for a little while."

"I'll give you as much space as you need. I might go for a run or something."

"I have to talk to Darrell, too. You really freaked him out earlier, and he's trying so hard to be decent about all of this."

Seth sighed as we both stood up. "I understand that you're his and I'm so glad that he's good to you, but I can't help but to absolutely fucking hate it. He seems like a nice guy and he must have something special for you to care about him so much, but I think I should try to avoid him. Especially when you two are together. To watch him with his arms around you, kissing you when I'm not allowed to anymore..." He shook his head in frustration. "Part of me wants to hurt him, even though I know it's wrong."

"Well you had better not touch him," I warned. I didn't like him saying that... I'd seen what he could do to someone. It wouldn't be a fair fight, even against someone as big and strong as Darrell.

He looked at me through his long eyelashes, causing my heart to sputter. There was a Demigod just inches from me, and I wouldn't dare touch him in the ways that I longed to. I would never be okay with myself again if I allowed myself to act on the feelings he was stirring inside of me right now... And I wasn't sure if I would have him how I wanted to have him ever again.

"I think I'll be spending alot of time with the trees..." he murmured softly. He looked down, and my eyes couldn't help but to follow.

He definitely wanted me too, in some way. He shifted his pants around to hide the bulge, and I stifled a giggle. My mind jumped straight to naughty territory, so I thought it best to end our conversation.

He caught my vibe and hugged me close once more, inhaling the scent of my hair and neck. "I love you, Liz. I'll be right there whenever you're ready to talk again."

It was so hard to not tell him that I loved him too, but I kept it inside. "Okay. Do you need me to leave you a way back inside? I need to get out of here and Darrell will probably come, or he'll end up going to bed."

"No, that's alright. I'll catch up with you when you get back so I can sleep in a real bed again," he smiled.

I looked down at the floor. "I don't want to be mean or rude, but you know I'm with Darrell now... And that hasn't changed just because you popped up. We live together and we sleep together. Are you going to be alright, staying in the same house as us?"

I looked up in time to see him cringe. "I don't have any say over what you do - it's not my place to get in between you and him. I don't like it, but I can't be away from you again. I'll just have to deal with it. I know I deserve alot worse from you... I definitely didn't expect you to just jump into my arms and run away with me, leaving your life behind you. I hoped for it, but I'm not delusional."

Everyone was being alot more honest and understanding today than I ever would have expected. It was a pleasant surprise, but I had a feeling the peace wouldn't last long. How could it?

"I'm going to leave in a few. I'll see you later, Seth."

He walked past me and paused in the doorway. "I love you, my queen Elizabeth. I always will."

And then he left.

I waited for a second to get back to normal, and then I went to mine and Darrell's room. He was sitting up on the bed, typing something on his laptop. I walked past him and pulled my dirty clothes off, swapping them for a bikini and a cover-up dress.

"Going for a swim?" Darrell asked as he put his computer away. "I thought we should spend some time together... I almost lost you today."

He thought I was going without him... He probably thought I was going with Seth. "Come with me, baby. Seth's gone for a little while, but I don't want to talk about any of this shit here. Let's go to the lake. I need to get in the water."

We stayed silent and jammed music the ride down there. Once we were on the edge of the water, I pulled my dress away and looked up at the full moon in the sky. I felt a twinge of anger inside, anger at the fact that I had been okay before today and then everything got flipped upside down.

Darrell came up behind me and pulled me into his embrace. "Are you still my girl?" he asked. His voice was surprisingly timid.

"Yes."

"But?"

"I'm just really confused about everything."

"You still love him." And I couldn't deny it. "But you still love me a little, even though he's back?" He came to my front to see my face before I could answer. "He explained that wierd love link you guys have going on. Do you still feel anything for me at all? Or is your heart totally his now? You have to be honest with me."

"I still love you, Darrell."

He breathed a sigh of relief. "If you choose him, please remember that we love eachother and let me down easy. Tread lightly, babe... I'll be your stepping stone if I have to, but if there's even an icicle's chance in hell that I might get to keep you, I'm taking it. I'm not going down without a fight... Even if it is against a giant wolf-man that's supposedly destined to be with you. I'm not going to push you to make a decision. Right now, you are _my _girl, not his. And I'm not holding _any_ fucking thing back while he's around, not unless you want me to."

"This is such a fucked up situation... I wish that it was easy, but my heart's in a split," I told him honestly. I knew that I was breaking two people that I loved more than anything, and I hated it but it had to be done. They said I had time to choose, and I was taking it. I couldn't force myself to decide with so many thoughts and feelings swirling around inside of me.

I stepped forward and waded into the cool water before completely diving in. Darrell followed behind and kept me in his arms again.

"I talked to Jess while you were sleeping," he informed me.

"I almost forgot about him. Again," I chuckled. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah, he was calling to check on you. He said he got lost in the woods for a little while once the giant wolf showed up, but he found his way out and got home. I told him he's lucky I didn't beat his ass for putting you in that situation, and he apologized and seemed really happy that you were alright."

"It wasn't his fault, and he kind of tried to protect me," I defended.

"He put you in harm's way, I don't care what the intent was. What exactly did the guy say to you before he shot you?"

It was difficult to remember his words when I'd been trying to block them all out. "Jess told him to let us go, and he said that Jess could but that I had to stay. Jess tried to talk him out of it by saying that I was a good girl and that I knew a ton of people that would be wondering where I was. The psycho said something about me being sex on legs and said he'd be crazy to miss that kind of opportunity, so Jess yelled back that he definitely was crazy. That pissed him off, so he stopped pointing the gun at me and pointed it at Jess instead and started yelling back, and that's when Seth got there. I saw them going down to the ground, the gun went off and clipped me, and I fucking ran."

"God _damn, _Liz. I'm so sorry that happened to you... I wish there was something I could do," he said as his hands grasped the skin of my waist. "You know if I would have been there, I would have done the same thing for you that Seth did, right? I swear I would have killed him, even died for you."

A chill rocked my body. "I don't want to see anymore killing and dying. Those moments are what my nightmares are made of... It never completely stops haunting you, and you know today is not the first time something too heavy to carry has happened to me. I'm a fucking danger magnet." I freed myself and leaned back until I was floating atop the water's surface. I didn't want to keep talking about this, and I didn't want to think about it either. I wanted to block the world out until I felt ready to handle it again.

Darrell knew me well enough to leave me be, and I simply floated until I was tired and ready to go home. We toweled off and changed on the shore of the lake, and then he drove us back.

I fell asleep before we got there, but I vaguely remember being carried inside and told goodnight, and that I was loved by both Darrell and Seth...


	51. Committed

**A/N: Only one review after bringing Seth and Liz back together(sort of)? I really thought you guys would love it! Or hate it, I just really expected some opinions... But thank you Stina Whatever for my one review on the last chapter, I do appreciate it =)  
On a different note, anyone that is into rock music, anime or hot freaky chicks, check out One Eyed Doll! They're an unsigned band from Houston, I hadn't heard of them until I saw one of their shows last week and I am hooked for life! Title song is theirs!**

**Chapter Fifty One - Committed**

I woke up when Darrell rolled over too far and started squishing me. I pushed on him, but he had to wake up a little and move himself back to his side of the bed. I always got up before he did in the mornings; I hopped across him and put some pants on, then started my day.

I ate a loratab and cleaned my arm up before anything else, and then I took some gummie vitamins and put tea on. I looked through the fridge and got the bacon, eggs, milk and butter, and got right down to making breakfast.

The guest room door was shut and Darrell's room was far enough away that I could listen to some music while I cooked. I'd just bought a decent sized stack of CD's, so I looked through them and started rockin' out to Rob Zombie's newest. I was thinking about going to see him next month in North Carolina with my cousin. He and I had been to a couple of Otep shows last summer and I'd had a blast, both at the concerts and just chilling at his home with him, his wife and their four year old, my second cousin Ella. She and I were good friends.

Halfway through buttering some toast, I heard the door behind me open.

"Morning, beautiful," Seth said as he passed me on the way to the bathroom. "The food smells amazing."

"Thank you," I replied happily. My head was still spinning with unanswered questions, but I had my two favorite people in the world in the same house as me. It was hard to not feel cheery.

Seth came back into the kitchen and sat backwards in a chair so that he was facing me. "Did you sleep well?" he asked.

"Yeah, I guess so. Did you?"

"Better than I have in months, actually. Did you enjoy your swim last night?"

"It was very relaxing." My CD reached the end, so I switched it to One Eyed Doll's album _Hole. _I'd seen them a few times, and they were one of my absolute favorite live acts of all time. They were actually playing tonight in Huntington, but I doubted I would be going to this one. "Hey, check this song out," I said with a smile as I turned it to the right track. I started singing along in a cartoony sounding voice, "Here I am aloh-oh-oh-one, Depressed and waiting by the pho-oh-oh-one, I'm doubting my beau-eau-ty, My boyfriend's out at the nu-u-u-dey!"

Seth started laughing as I danced over to the stove to finish making breakfast.

"Gonna rig up some pro-oh-pane tanks, Gonna light the fuse and kill some skanks, Gonna stand back and watch it burn, Maybe that will make him learn... Nudie bar, You stole my boyfriend! Nudie bar, You're gonna pay! Nudie bar, All you lousy boyfriends, Yeah yeah yeah, You're gonna die today-ay!"

We were both laughing when Darrell walked through. He didn't say anything, just kept on to the bathroom and shut the door behind him; He never was much of a morning person, and I'm sure he'd prefer for me to still be in his bed right now than out here in _our _kitchen with another guy that he knew I was way into.

I set out three plates and loaded two of them, leaving smaller portions for myself. I turned the music off as Darrell was coming back into the kitchen, and he looked a little more awake now. He peered around and then smiled at me.

"Looks good, babe. Let's watch Kenny Powers while we eat." He kissed my forehead as he leaned past me and took one of the bigger plates. I handed Seth the other and grabbed my own, and the _three _of us went into the livingroom and sat down. I always sat on the couch and Darrell in his chair, but he was in the lead and he took the side on the couch that I typically left open. I was half tempted to sit in his chair so that Seth had no choice but to sit beside of Darrell, but that was just childish. I sat down next to Darrell, leaving some space between us and refused to take my eyes off of the television.

This was already starting to wear on me... It was all just so strange. I scarfed my breakfast down in no more than seven minutes, and then I went to my room for clothes and got directly into the shower. My phone kept going off while I was bathing, but I was busy and figured whoever it was could wait, at least until I was clean and my hair was dry.

When I got out and toweled off, I saw that it was Ana that had been calling, and it was from her cell phone. That couldn't mean anything good - I called her back right after I put some clothes on and as I was heading outside for a smoke.

"Liz!" she answered. "I need a huge favor."

"What's going on?"

"I slipped up and got kicked out of rehab..." she replied sheepishly.

"Oh no, Ana," I said sadly. "Slipped up how?"

"We got to leave for a field trip basically, and I got some guy to bring me a Hurricane. It actually got me pretty drunk since I haven't messed with anything for so long, and they could smell it on my breath anyways. I tried to get them to give me another chance, but since I got in for free and was supposed to work there afterwards, that put me on some sort of probation and they have a no-tolerance policy. But I've been on a Greyhound the past couple of hours and I'll be at my stop in Mercer County in another half an hour or so. Those were the only available tickets on such short notice... Is there any way that you could come and pick me up?"

"Yeah, of course I'll come get you," I said as I slipped past Seth and Darrell on my way to the bathroom to fix my hair. "Sorry that happened to you, sweetheart, that really sucks. They should have let you stay... But I'm really glad you're coming home! I've missed you!" I stopped off in the kitchen and made myself a cup of tea, adding the usual sugar and Half N' Half.

"I have missed you guys more than you could imagine. So what's been going on around there? Anything interesting?"

I sighed. "Yeah, it's been interesting. I'll have to wait til you're here to explain, but there's been some crazy shit going down."

"Like what? Give me a teaser for the wildest shit that's happened - I want to know what kind of story I'm going to hear when I see you," she said with a giggle. Oh, how I missed my Ana Belle and her awesomeness.

"Well, yesterday a guy robbed me for a couple thousand dollars and ended up shooting me in the arm."

There was silence on the other end of the line for so long that I thought her call had dropped. I looked at my cell phone as she started to say, "Please tell me that's just a sick joke."

"I wish, hun. It was traumatizing but I'm okay. There wasn't any bullet in there, so I just had Darrell stitch it up for me. I'll heal and everything will be fine." I closed myself into the bathroom. "And you'll never guess who's sitting in my livingroom right now."

"Who?"

"Seth."

"In yours and _Darrell's _livingroom?" she asked, shocked.

"Yep."

"Holy shit... I've missed too much! Why is he over there?"

"It's a long story that's really hard to tell... But let me get off of here and get myself looking normal, and I'll call you again when I'm leaving. Go ahead and text me how to get there."

"'Kay Lizzy Poo, I love you! See you soon!"

We hung up and I blew my hair dry, straightened it and applied a little makeup. I left out of the bathroom and headed straight for the front door since Ana would probably already have been waiting just awhile by the time I got to her. Seth and Darrell both stopped me on my way out.

"Where are you going?" Darrell asked.

"Ana got booted from rehab and needs a ride home from the bus station in Mercer."

"We think Seth should go with you," he replied quickly. I opened my mouth to ask why, but he said, "You're the one that pointed out the fact that you're a danger magnet. Neither one of us is willing to take chances with your safety at this point. If anything goes wrong, one of us needs to be with you."

I put my sunglasses on and reached for the doorknob. "Thanks guys, but I don't want to be baby-sat. I'll be in the car the whole time, and if I'm meant to die today in a car accident then I don't think it matters who is or isn't with me."

"But Liz," Seth started to argue.

"I said no. I need some peace and some time to talk to my best friend alone. Look, I'll call you when I get there, okay?" I left without specifying which one of them I would be calling; I didn't take kindly to forceful gestures, no matter how good the intent.

The drive was easy going. Beautiful, lush, green mountains surrounded me on all sides and I was able to relax, listen to music and let my mind wander a bit. I was still unsure of how I was going to handle everything, but it was easy to see who my mind was on. I pushed aside what I could of the confusing emotions and instead focused on Seth's physical attributes. I hadn't had any ass in a few days, and my hormones had ramped up in the last twenty four hours or so.

I kept my eyes on the road and drove fine, but inside my mind all I could see was him. I imagined the way that his hands touched me, the look and feel of dark, hot skin against mine. One thing that I'd come to regret since we'd been apart was that we hadn't been together long enough to fully explore eachother... We'd had real intimacy and gotten a little wild, but I hadn't had the chance to open up enough to show him everything that I liked, everything that I would do. In my fantasies, though, Seth knew how far my sexual limits stretched, and he took full advantage. I remembered the exact size and shape of his dick and how incredible it had felt to ride him until we both collapsed in a heap of sweatiness. I remembered the way that his mouth had felt on every piece of me, and I swear that my memory could perfectly recall the sound of him coming and the smell in the air when we made love.

It was fucking beautiful, no matter how dirty it may be. I liked spice to my sugar; Fucking like animals didn't lessen the love, and making love didn't mean you had to go slow or be boring with it. Sex was meant to be enjoyable and meaningful at the same time, and I enjoyed a good hard fuck with whomever my heart belonged to.

That thought brought me back around to the hardest of questions: Who _did _my heart belong to?

My body and my loyalty were Darrell's, but did he own my heart?

I pulled up to the front of the bus station, and popped the trunk. Ana ran to the car and shut her suitcase into the back, then hopped into the passenger seat and threw her arms around me.

I groaned in pain when her arm hit the injury on my arm, and she jumped back. "Oh, I'm so sorry!"

"It's okay. Do me a favor and text Darrell's phone telling him that you're with me and we're both fine, please."

"They babysitting you now?"

I just sighed and rolled my eyes in return.

I drove off and headed back to the interstate. Ana wanted to know the deal with everything, so I spent the whole trip back trying to explain it to her. There were some odd holes in my story that she kept trying to ask about and sort through, but I could only tell her certain things. She listened to every crazy thing I had to say, and I still wasn't finished telling her about all of my thoughts and feelings on the situation when I pulled up in front of Darrell's.

When I rounded the car to help Ana lug her heavy suitcase inside, I could hear voices on the verge of yelling. It took about a millisecond to recognize it was my guys - both of them. Ana and I exchanged one of our loaded glances and went off together to find them.

I saw them and jogged over, placing myself in between them. "You both need to stop and calm down," I told them sternly.

"I don't think so, babe," D replied angrily.

"Too bad, 'cause I am _not _letting you two fight. This is fucking stupid."

"Says the girl that beats up people at funerals," Darrell shot back.

I glared at him in return. "That's just fucking rude. Don't talk shit about me just for trying to save your ass from getting hurt!"

"We'll see who walks away from this," he said. He was pissing me off by not budging, so I turned my attention to Seth instead.

"Seth, you can't do this. Do you know how much it would hurt me if anything happened to either of you?" Not to mention how pissed off I would be at whoever did the most damage.

Seth finally unlocked his eyes from Darrell to look at me. The quivering in his muscles slowed and stopped, and he took a few deep, calming breaths.

"I'm sorry, my love." He looked back at Darrell. "I'm sorry, Darrell... I don't want to fight with you."

"Then don't fucking talk about _my _girlfriend like that! And stop calling her shit like Beautiful and My Love - her name is Liz!"

"I don't think it's the best idea for you guys to all be staying together. It's only been one night and you're already at eachother's throats," Ana interjected.

"I agree. Ana, let's go to your house," I said. They all looked surprised, but I hooked my arm through hers and tugged her away with me.

"Liz!"

"Please don't go!" They called after me.

"Nope! Feeling a little too much like I'm living in the Twilight Zone!" I hollered back. "Seriously," I said just to Ana as we were almost back to the car. "They can fucking work this shit out on their own. I'm tired of trying to make any sense of it with as confused as I am."

I unlocked my car when Ana asked, "Can we just walk? I really did miss this place." So I locked it back and went to the trunk instead. There was an unopened bottle of blackberry wine stashed in there. I nabbed it and we set off arm-in-arm, leaving her bag of property inside.

"So Liz... you have to have some idea of what you're going to do. I can even tell who you're leaning towards."

"Really? Who do you think?"

"Seth, clearly." I raised an eyebrow at her. "The way you told it to me made it obvious... You want Seth more, you just don't want to hurt Darrell. You think if you're going to be with one of them right now, it's got to be the one that's done you better, and that's Darrell. But you're forgetting the most important part of you. You're trying to ignore your heart."

She knew me much, much too well. "I'm not trying to make any quick decisions. I mess up too much when I don't take the time to think things through." I stopped suddenly and gasped. "I have the best idea ever!" I told Ana excitedly.

"Oh shit, you scared me there for a second. What's your idea?"

"Let's go get all _dolled_ up and head to Huntington tonight! One Eyed Doll is playing at the V Club with Sister Sin, Blackguard and Destrophy. It's like ten fucking dollars to get in!"

She looked touched before she hugged me. "I missed you so much Liz! You're so fucking awesome!"

Ana hadn't told her mom about coming home, so we practically ran to my mom's house. She wasn't home, so we took turns playing around with Luna while we got dressed and fixed our hair and makeup. I wore a black and red mini-skirt with fishnets, boots and a cut up and tied together Devil's Rejects halter top. I decorated myself with leather and metal, did my makeup with an absurd amount of black eyeshadow and made my hair big and wavy. Ana looked similar, but she was wearing dark jeans with a sexy black and red corset style shirt and my high-heeled ankle boots. My makeup was a pretty kind of freaky, but Ana went all out like Kimberly Freeman and drew the black tears running from her eyes, outlining them with a dark silver glitter eyeliner.

We looked crazy as hell, and it was perfect for this particular show. I'd never heard of this band before I happened to catch them opening for some bigger name last year. Their songs were good - especially since the whole band was a singer/guitar player girl and a guy drummer - but it was the performance that had sold me. Kimberly was described as a mix between Gwar and Strawberry Shortcake; She had a baby-dollish voice, was no more than ninety pounds and dressed up like a punk metal baby doll, but as she was on stage she would scream and spit on her crowd, stage dive, roll around in the floor where the audience was, whip her three-foot long hair around right into your face, knock guys over and stand on them and jump right across the drum set to tackle her drummer, all while still rocking the living fuck out of her guitar. As cool as all that is, I met her and talked to her afterwards and she was possibly the sweetest girl on the planet. She loved her fans - she'd personalized two posters for me that night, taken a ton of pictures and even gave me one of her bracelets.

I guess I had a bit of a girl crush on her.

After we snuck and got my car from Darrell's, we rode the two and a half hour drive to Huntington, blaring music, drinking wine, chatting and having a blast. I sincerely wished that she would have graduated her rehab program, but I was so glad to have her back. We got to the club just as the doors were opening and placed ourselves at the back of the line. We were so pumped up that we were bouncing around like five year olds about to meet Mickey Mouse.

I thought I heard someone calling my name, and we both started looking around for who it was. I turned and looked down the side of the building and saw where most of the band members were hanging out. I'd met a few of the people from Sister Sin and Blackguard, and it was the lead Blackguard guitarist that was trying to get my attention. He'd tried pretty hard to get with me the first - and last - time I'd met him, but I didn't find him attractive and I could barely understand his French-Canadian accent.

"You want to go? They're pretty cool."

"Definitely!" Ana replied. "I bet they'll give us a beer."

We made our way down to them, and everyone else said hello, some of them even remembering my name. That was pretty cool to me, because I couldn't recall any of theirs aside from Liv Sin - the singer from Sister Sin - and they were the ones who were supposed to be famous.

"You never call me," the guitarist guy accused in his odd voice. I remembered now that his name was Ethan... I actually had a little thing going on with him before. He was pretty cool and he was always asking me to come out and see them again and even offered to let me tour a few cities with his band. It wasn't my idea of a good time to be stuck on a bus with a bunch of nasty sweaty guys, but it was a very sweet gesture.

"I lost your number awhile back," I explained. "I've probably been through five phones since we met."

"You want again, no?" he asked.

"Well, I actually have a boyfriend now..."

He smiled. "Give me e-mail, then?"

I figured there was no harm in that, so we swapped e-mail addresses and I promised I would send him something some time. Another guy handed Ana and I beers, and we hung out and drank with them. Technically, this was the back-stage area.

A rodie came out and told them all to turn in their guest lists - people that got in for free and were friends of the band. Ethan put Ana and I on there instantly. We thanked him and kept laughing and goofing off with all the guys. The bass player from Sister Sin was tall, lean and Swedish, and he was paying particular attention to Ana. I didn't know if she was into him or if she was just having some fun, but she seemed to be enjoying it. Ethan was trying his damndest to hold my focus, so he was finding anything in the world to talk about or show to me.

"I have some liquor if you want," he offered when I crushed my beer.

"Where at?"

"The bus," he replied. "Your friend can come, too."

Ana was too occupied with her new man friend, so she declined. I followed Frenchie out to his bus and climbed in after him, not stopping to consider that it was a bad idea... I should have been more careful, especially after what had happened to me just yesterday. I made him take a shot before I would, and the shot I took was hot and unforgiving as it burned it's way down my throat to my stomach.

"Good stuff?" Ethan laughed. "Do you remember when we last spoke, Liz?"

"Not particularly. Why?"

"Because..." he smiled mischeviously and handed me another shot. "I told you that when I next saw you, I was going to show you what a six inch long tongue can do."

I coughed as the alcohol seared my flesh from the inside. How was I supposed to reply to that?

He sat the bottle down and scooted closer to me, reaching towards me.

"Hey, I told you I have a boyfriend. If that's all you had in mind, then I need to go."

"Not even one kiss?" he asked, pouting his lip out.

"I'm no cheater." And if I was going to be, it definitely would not be with him. I laughed and asked, "Do you want me to go pay for my ticket, now?"

"No, no!" he said quickly. "You're my friend, you stay on the guest list. Any show of ours you come to, you get this."

"Thank you," I smiled. He moved back an inch and smiled wide at me, then resumed our bottle of Bacardi 151. We hung out for a couple of minutes and chatted before going back to where everyone else was still congregated. The guys from Destrophy were inside already; I could hear them opening up the show.

Ethan was nice and buzzed, and he decided that he wanted to give me a couple of fake tattoos. He drew skulls and swords and his band's logo up and down my good arm, then he wrote Hank III on the uninjured part of the other to remind me that we both were fans of his. Of course he had to ask what in the hell had happened to my arm, and when I told him everyone else listened in and they claimed that that was the most interesting story any of them had heard in a very long time.

We missed the first half of the show and stayed where we were with the bands and their free weed and alcohol. Everyone took pictures and video of eachother, and when Blackguard went on we finally went inside.

Ana and I found some bigger girls that were cool and asked them to help us through the crowd to get to the front of the stage. They were happy to, so we held onto them and they forced us through, and then the real fun began. We were being pushed and shoved around, and it was so hot that everyone was sweating and nasty. Everybody raised hell like they were supposed to, and after five or six songs it was time for One Eyed Doll.

They emerged onto the stage together as the crowd erupted. Kimberly was wearing a long black shirt that had the bones of her body in white with black pants and boots. Her super long hair was wound up underneath a top hat, and both her and Junior's faces were blackened around the eyes with black smiles and stitching over the lips.

"What's up everybody?" Kimberly yelled. "We love you, West Virginia!" And then she started jamming the fuck down on the song Committed. Everyone was jumping around and head banging and screaming lyrics and having a great time. Ana and I had gotten so close that when she head banged her hat off, her hair was smacking us both in the face. Kimberly wasn't one to disappoint; she was an incredible frontwoman. She soaked us with water spewing straight from her mouth and dove down into the crowd and moshed around as she played her music.

She told the audience that it was Story Time, and I loved this part. She had the sweetest little cupcakey type of voice, and the duality of that sound and her appearance was astounding.

"Once upon a time, in a land far, far away... In Oregon," she began, gaining laughter and applause. "There was this... particular girl. This particular girl fell in love with this particular boy... That liked to spend his nights at this... particular strip club." She wore a costume pope hat and made the shapes of the girl, boy and strip club with her hands. It was pretty captivating. "This made the girl feel sad... and ugly. And sad. And ugly. So, she made a plan to go to this... particular strip club, and burn it down in this particular way. With propane tanks. A few weeks later, the strip club burned to the ground... and they never found the arsonist!" She started jamming out the second she was finished with her story, the same song I'd joked around and sang to Seth this morning.

We raged on until the end of the show, and then we went out back again to say goodbye to everyone. They wanted to party some more, and Ana told me that she was already the only one of us sober enough to drive so I should go ahead and get a little more wasted. She was concerned with the same bass player she'd been talking to earlier, not about catching a better buzz. I hung out with Ethan again, and he tried a few more times to convince me to spend some time alone with him since he could tell how drunk I was. I kept catching him checking me out, or staring at my boobs while we were talking. I declined his offers and he seemed unabashed by it, so the night went on with no hurt feelings.

It was past five in the morning when we all parted and headed home or where ever. The sun was coming up and I was so drunk I could barely walk, and it was a surprise that I could at all. I probably owed the fact that I was even still awake to the Red Bull I had downed earlier, because I was well past the point of needing to pass out.

Ana had to help me into the passenger side of my car, and then she set off getting us back home. I'd left my things in my purse and my purse in the car, so I found my phone and looked at how many calls and messages I had missed. There were about a million from Darrell, so I drunk dialed him back.

"Liz! Where the hell are you?" he answered immediately.

"In Huntington having a fucking blast!" I answered.

"You went to that show?"

"It was so awesome!"

"Why are you still in Huntington after five in the morning?"

"We got guest listed and partied with the bands until a little bit ago."

"She's fine, man, chill out," he said away from the receiver.

"Hi, Seth!" I yelled happily.

"He says hello. You've had us so worried all night baby, you can't just take off like that without saying anything. It's not like you."

"I can do what ever the fuck I choose and I don't care who thinks what about it, babe. Since you guys are still up, I guess me and Ana are headed to the house to sleep."

"Okay, I'll wait up for you to get here. See you in a little bit, babe."

"Love you guys!" I shut my phone and shoved it back into my purse while I hunted out a pack of cigarettes.

I fell asleep on the ride home and woke up again when we were almost all the way back home. I was still very drunk, but I felt completely recharged like I could go all day now without needing any more sleep. Ana noticed I was coherent again and we hooted and hollered about our night all the way into Darrell's livingroom.

Seth and D were sitting in the livingroom, looking like two parents waiting for their child to come home after a wild night they weren't allowed to have. I had had too much fun tonight to let them spoil it, so I flashed them my happiest smile and greeted them both.

"How'd your night go?" Seth asked as Darrell pouted and listened. Ana and I plopped down on the couch and started describing everything to them.

"Those bands saw Liz and started calling her name, so we went down there and they gave us beer and got us in for free!" Ana told them. She turned to me and asked, "That's the French guy you told me about before, right?"

"Yeah," I giggled.

"French guy?" Darrell asked, beginning to get jealous.

"Ethan. We talked for awhile after we met last year." I got up and excused myself to go to the bathroom and change out of my constricting outfit. I returned a few moments later as Ana went on and on about the show while Seth and Darrell listened intently. She knew not to say anything that would get me into trouble, but she made a few jokes and comments that were specifically to piss Darrell off - She didn't like how controlling he was towards me, and even though she loved him like family she wanted him to see that.

The energy in the room was pretty tense, and I wasn't into that. I packed our big bong up and passed it around for everyone to smoke on. It was too early for anything good to be on the t.v., so I found this wierd movie about Charles Manson and put it in. The opening music was cool, so I danced around to be goofy and got Ana laughing. After we all were good and stoned, we joked and giggled and when we were quiet it wasn't awkward anymore.

Of course, that wore off about halfway through the movie. I had a tendency to be brutally honest when I was inebriated, but I didn't know what to say. I just ended up busting out laughing my ass off. I could feel all of their eyes on me, but I couldn't see through the tears.

"What the fuck, Liz?" Ana finally asked. I slipped off the couch into the floor and balled up on my side, unable to stop the attack of the giggles. Somebody actually lifted me up and placed me back onto the couch, and that made me keep laughing.

"What...oh... What the fuck?" was all I could manage to speak.

"I think she's finally lost it this time," Ana joked as I roared like a madman.

It took me some time, but I got myself together. I leaned backward over the couch arm and grabbed the electric guitar sitting there, flicking on the amp that Darrell's band used at least twice a week. I started playing... I really did seem like I'd lost my mind, but I was drunk and felt wierd about what was going on around me, and I had I Love My Little Bus stuck in my head. I ended my song with, "And I really wish one of you assholes could play drums for me! Thank you!" Then I got up and went outside.

Ana came running out after me. "Hey! What's that about?"

"I just don't think I can stay in there with both of them! They say I have as long as I need to choose between them, but if shit keeps going this way then I'll be better off just leaving them both alone!"

She crossed her arms. "Just go break up with Darrell and get it over with. I know you don't want to hurt him, but you're going to. The longer you put it off, the worse it's going to be."

I stared her down defiantly. "No."

"Why? Are you trying to make it as hard on him as you can?"

"I refuse to make that decision right now! What I have with Seth... it was implanted into me! I can't trust that it's real!"

She cocked an eyebrow. "That makes no sense, Liz. Look, just calm down and go in there and talk to them. _Both _of them!"

"I... I just can't yet!" I put my head down into my arms. "I never really thought I would have to do this... I was sure I'd never hear from Seth again long before I got with Darrell. Now they're both here and it's like I'm deciding out the whole rest of my life. Who do I want to spend eternity with?" I mocked. "Oh yeah, I'm eightteen years old and I'm sure I'll want the exact same things when I'm old and gray, busy checking my fiber intake and getting hip replacements... I'll be out drinking and going to metal shows!" I yelled, sarcastic as a motherfucker. "How am I supposed to plan that far ahead? People change... They fucking have to!"

"Then stop looking at it that way. What do you want for right now?"

"I wish it were that simple Ana, but it's just not. If I choose wrong, there's not going to be a do-over. If I leave Darrell, we'll never be together again, even if Seth shits all over our relationship."

"Wouldn't you rather take the risk, instead of being selfish and making them fight over you? Somebody is going to get hurt here, but it doesn't have to be everyone and it doesn't have to be dragged out for days or weeks," she told me like she was laying down the law. And maybe she was, maybe she would be the one to force me to choose.

"I'll talk to them later, I'm still drunk," I reasoned before smiling evilly at her. "I'll either choose between them or I'll go hop on Blackguard's bus and tour the country with all the bands, catching One Eyed Doll shows every couple of nights."

We laughed, and then I heard a car coming down our dirt road. It was probably someone coming or going to work, but I walked out to see... just as Mandy pulled in and parked beside of me.

"What are you doing here so early?" I asked her, trying to not sound as rude as I felt like being.

"Darrell told me you guys were still good... Did you get rid of it all?"

"I don't know. You should go and ask him," I suggested. I wouldn't call what I was experiencing jealousy... It was more like fury at how inconsiderable and disrespectful my dumbass boyfriend was. Other bitches in my house while I'm gone? I don't fucking think so.

Ana and I made Mandy sport the lead, and we followed in behind her. I was fucking itching to hear what excuse Darrell had for this shit. I understood I wasn't in the best position to be mad right now, but I hadn't talked to Seth to tell him to come here or not. He'd given little miss the green light to come into _our _home when he didn't even know where I was.

Maybe it was irrational, but I was pissed and that's just how it was. I started to get overwhelmed, and I knew a blow up was on the horizon.

Darrell said something and went by, then he stopped and studied the expression on my face. "Liz... Baby, what's wrong?" he questioned.

I looked directly into his eyes, a million things that I could have said flying around in my head. I started crying hysterically for the second time in two days, and I felt so insane that I wanted to crawl out of my skin. My fingernails gripped into my arms as I tried unsuccessfully to chill out and sort through myself.

The looks on both Darrell's and Seth's faces were heartbreaking. They wanted to help, but they didn't know what all was wrong or any way to fix it. That made sense, considering I was the one breaking and still had no clue where to begin on what was wrong or what to do about it.

Darrell reached towards me, and I stepped back before he could make contact. I looked at him and then Seth through my tears, and then I closed my eyes off to them and everything and everyone else.

"I really can't do this anymore," I said to the room, leaving my friends confused. I couldn't explain what I meant. I didn't _know _what I meant, really.

I left and they let me go, because they loved me and they knew what I needed as well as I did. I didn't think I could handle walking to my mother's on the street where everyone could see me, so I took the long, hard way through the woods. As soon as I was enclosed in flora, I felt a million times more comfortable. Being in the same vicinity as both Darrell and Seth was keeping me right on edge, to the point that I wanted to rip my hair out and grind my teeth down to nubs. I had never been so nervous or anxious in my fucking life.

It took me close to a half an hour, but I made it into Mom's backyard. I went in and showered immediately, and then I laid down for a nap. It was a futile effort - my mind was going a million miles an hour, but it eased my tired muscles to lay down at least. I was too energetic to stay for long, so I tried a few different ways of amusing myself. I got online and wrote back to every message I'd had building up in my inbox. I had to explain to different people about everyone dying around here, and the newest message was from Ethan saying they were playing in Parkersburg in a few days and he wanted me and Ana to come out. I told him that I might and logged off, twiddling my thumbs until I had my next big idea.

I decided that I deserved a little pampering after such a screwed up week. I drove to my favorite salon with a wallet full of cash, dressed up but with my hair just drying and no makeup. They knew me here, so I got a chair as soon as I went through the door.

"Liz!" Shannon greeted me in his high voice. "I love that new hair color!"

"Thank you, dear," I replied as I took off my sunglasses. "You ready to make some money? I want to go the whole nine today."

"What are we doing? I'm guessing no color," he giggled.

"I need a mani and a pedi, a little trim since I just had it done, hair styled and my makeup done. Think you can handle it?"

"Oh you know I can," he said, snapping his fingers.

We chit-chatted - mostly about guys and sex - for about forty five minutes. He was fun to talk to, but I had so much pent up in me that I couldn't shake off. When he was finished, I was sad that I had to leave. The only place I had to go was back to my Mom's, or maybe to Ana's. That was assuming she had been to her mom's at some point and explained why she was a few states away from where she was supposed to be.

I was really tempted to take off... I was a master at running from my problems. The only problems with that plan were that my past always caught up, and when it came down to it I really didn't want to go. I couldn't stand the idea of leaving now that I had Seth and Ana back in my life. And Darrell... I hated that I'd let him back in and may have to break him once more. I almost wished he had kept on being an asshole, just so I could tell myself that he deserved for me to hurt him.

My phone got a text, and I was glad for the distraction. Too bad that it was Darrell telling me to come back over. He said they'd found some sort of solution that would make me feel better.

I sent back an okay and took off. On the ride over I tried to come up with some clue as to what they meant, but it made my brain want to just shut itself off to avoid the snarls of thought.

The door was open as I approached, and they were both standing when I walked in.

"Wow," Seth said. Shannon was a really awesome makeup artist.

"You look really beautiful," Darrell said as he took my hand and led me to the chair he always used.

I thanked him but declined the seat; I didn't want them hovering a few feet over me. It seemed I would be more on guard if I could walk away from here at any second.

"Babe..." Darrell began. "We can see how much it's hurting you to try to choose one of us."

"We think there may be a way... that you don't have to decide," Seth finished.

I stared at them, my body radiating rebellion. "What, you're both done with me now?" It hurt to think, but it made sense. I didn't much deserve either of them, and they would both be alot better off without me.

"No!" They both yelled at the same time. We were locked in a state of confusion, looking around at one another. "Liz, we both love you. We're both _in _love with you, and neither of us are willing to back off and let the other have you," Seth said.

"And you haven't said who you want more, so we can only assume that you love us both and aren't sure who you'll pick," Darrell continued. "So... Well, you can have us both."

My eyes grew wide as I attempted to take that last shocking statement in. "Is this a joke?" I asked in a tiny, mousey voice.

"No, baby. We'll have to work out all the details, maybe make a schedule or something, but we love you enough to do it. More than anything else, we really want you to be happy. If you need us both to be yours to be happy, then that's what you should do," Seth explained.

"You can have me when you want me, and you can have him when you want him. We're alright with sharing you. Can you honestly say that this isn't how you want things to be right now?"

I changed my mind and sat down in the chair I'd been offered when I'd arrived.


	52. What?

**A/N: I hate nagging you all for reviews, but this time it actually paid off =) Thank you all so much for giving me some feedback! Whether it's good or bad, I need it for inspiration to keep writing, so I love each and every one of them. So keep it up please! =D**

**Chapter Fifty Two - What?**

I glared at them both. "You are lying!" I accused. It sank in a little furthur, and my temper erupted. "Are you guys fucking kidding me?" I yelled, exasperated. "You want to _share _me? You guys want to work out a schedule like two divorced parents would for a little kid, except you're trying to switch who my boyfriend will be from week to week... I'm not your all's fuck toy!"

"C'mon, babe! We didn't mean it like that. The sex part is one hundred percent up to you. You don't have to sleep with either of us. You can have one and not the other. You can switch back and forth... Or if it's what you want, you can even have both of us at the same time."

I gawked at Darrell, unable to believe that those words had just fell from his lips to my ears. I thought my head might start spinning around like that shit on The Exorcist.

He reached for my hand and I pulled it away, disgusted. I got up, slinging my bag onto my shoulder. "You know what? Why don't the two of you just date and fuck eachother! I am getting the hell out of here!"

"No! Liz - " Seth tried to protest.

"I don't want to hear another single word from either of you," I said through my teeth. My heels clicked across the hardwood as I stormed away from this place yet again. I was so angry I didn't even want to think it over anymore. How had everything gotten this screwed up?

Once I was down the street, I called Ana to see what she was doing. She was at home and bored off her ass, so I stopped in her driveway and turned my car off. As soon as she was in the car, I turned the light on and packed a bowl, then sparked it up and started off on a tangent about what those two assholes had said to me.

She looked almost as pissed off and surprised as I had been. "No fucking way! God, what were they thinking?"

"I really don't know... I guess they were either being serious and thought I would go for it, or else they were lying and they want to see how I'm going to take it. They might be trying to push me into deciding quick without letting me know that's what they're doing. I actually _hope _that they're lying."

"So, where do you want to go to blow off some steam?"

I leaned back and sighed. I wanted to rub my face, but that would mess up all my pretty makeup. "I think I just need to calm down and then go back and try to talk to them again. I believe that them doing this means I've put it off long enough... Even though they acted like I had all the time in the world, two days has been too long," I laughed.

Something knocked on my window, causing my heart to go north, somewhere in my throat area. Seth was standing outside, waiting for me to come out. He opened up the door and held his hand in the car for me.

"I'm sorry," he said as soon as I stepped out. "I don't guess we thought that through so well..."

"Were you guys being serious, or were you just tired of waiting for me to make a move?"

"Well, it was kind of Darrell's idea. He said that if you couldn't make your mind up, that he would be able to settle for sharing you. I knew he was just being impatient and thought it would force you towards one of us, but I have to take what I can get at this point."

I crossed my arms. "And how did you expect I would react to this whole thing?"

"I thought you may choose, or that you may agree to our proposal," he answered.

It surprised me. "You really thought I might go for dating the two of you at the same time?" I yelled, angry. "What kind of a whore do you think I am?"

He rolled his eyes. "I don't think you're a whore, Elizabeth. I think that you want Darrell and that you want me as well. Anyone can see the benefits of us sharing you. You get everything that you want."

"I want _one _man to share my life with, not some wierdo polyamorous relationship! If you could love two people the same, they wouldn't call it The One," I said, and then I locked up. I'd just outed my own self in front of him and hadn't realized what I was saying until it was too late.

"I can only love one person..." I repeated to myself, beating the information into my brain. I'd known that all along, there were just so many other emotions attached to every thought and it all had me spinning around in circles.

"It's me, Liz. The person that you love is me. Anyone can clearly see that."

I looked up and accidentally stopped on those perfect lips. "What makes you so sure it's not him?"

His voice dropped in volume and tenor. "Liz..." He put his fingers under my chin and tugged. "Look at me."

I did what he said and found myself trapped in his gaze. I felt so much love for him in that instant that my body ached to get closer and to kiss him, regardless of how angry I was at him.

"Are you still not sure if it's me that you want and need? Let me show you, then."

I didn't have to kiss him; His lips captured mine, instead. Electric fire boiled up and flowed through every vein in my body, setting my insides aflame. My stomach was filled up with butterflies, my eyes saw bright light from beneath their lids. I felt like my body and soul had sprouted wings and were flying through the air.

He gripped me closer, grasping at me like I might just float away. My arms were locked inside of his, my body crushed and sweating from the heat coming off of him. I couldn't move and I couldn't breathe, but I would be happy to be trapped or even to die right here in his arms. Nothing in my life had ever felt this good and right, and nothing was going to make me break the connection between us now.

As soon as I thought it, his lips were literally ripped away from mine. There were so many sounds and something big was obviously happening right in front of me, but I couldn't even open my eyes. I held on to the moment for as long as I could, and then I finally allowed the world to come crashing back.

Darrell was on top of Seth... I caught him landing a good punch to the nose as soon as I opened my eyes. "I let you stay in my house, and you repay me by stealing my girl from me?" he yelled before he hit him again.

Seth could have fought back - he could have killed him if he chose to. He didn't. He laid there and he took it, probably because he knew it would make Darrell feel a little better.

I wasn't getting in between them, so I stood and watched. I knew Seth would be fine. Darrell kept talking shit, and the things he said gradually turned more and more ugly. Then he started saying mean things about me.

"She's a fucking slut anyways," he spat. Part of me knew I deserved it after what I'd done to him, but it still cut me at my core.

Seth stopped Darrell's fist before it cracked into his face again. "Do not. Ever. Say that about her again," he growled through his teeth.

Darrell got up and looked down over Seth. "Well she's a freak in the sheets, that's for sure."

Now he was pushing the line. I don't care how much he feels wronged, he shouldn't start telling those kinds of personal things. I knew what he was doing, though; He was trying to turn Seth off of me. Whether it was so that he could have me or just to be a total dick was unclear.

"She let me do things to her that she's never, _ever _tried. With anyone," he kept on snidely as Seth rose to his feet. "You should hear how loud she screams my name, see how hard she comes when I stick my finger up her ass while we're fucking."

I smacked my hand over my open mouth as Seth punched Darrell in the jaw. Darrell spit the blood out of his mouth with a condescending chuckle.

"She ever give you a blow before? When she sucks on me, she takes my balls in her mouth, too," Darrell claimed with a menacing and bloody smile.

Seth hit him again, and he fell to one knee. It took him a moment to recover, but he was able to stand back up. "Her favorite, though, is when I let her go all out and bite me, scratch me, choke me while I do the same to her and yank on her hair. We only do that when we're fucking about a million miles an hour."

Seth took a quick step and knocked the living shit out of Darrell. He hit the ground and I started crying again. I wanted to run so badly, but I didn't have it in me to leave everything this way. Ana had gotten out of the car at some point without me noticing, and she stepped forward to Darrell and trickled some water on him from a bottle. He woke up and sat upright, but then he just stayed there. Seth came over and leaned against the car beside of me.

When Darrell finally started to stand up, I went to him. "Are you okay?" I asked as he dusted his pants off.

I thought he might respond in anger, but the look he shot me was heartbreaking. "I'm great," he mumbled. "Please come back to the house and talk to me, Liz. Don't run off with him just yet."

I nodded my head, then looked back at Ana and Seth. Ana turned to Seth and told him he should stay here with her while we went down the street, and he agreed unhappily. He held my gaze as he walked to her porch, pleading with me through his eyes to not break his heart.

I drove Darrell down and we went inside together as the weight of it all seemed piled right up on my shoulders. I hated so much about what was happening, and I hated that I couldn't hate Seth for causing most of it. I hated that even though he had left me, I never stopped loving him and I hated most that even though I would leave Darrell, he would still love me.

D went straight to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of whiskey from the icebox. He set out two glasses and we sat down at the table together. He remained silent as I studied his face, wondering how much damage Seth had caused. He caught me looking and said that he was fine.

"Darrell, I'm really sorry..." My mouth wanted to spit out some excuse, but I really didn't have one. I had sworn to not act on anything unless I broke up with him first, and then he finds me in a major lip-lock the very next day. Seemed I was pretty despicable.

"It's fine, I get it. If I was dating someone else and you tried to kiss me, I wouldn't be able to say no either. And I saw it go down, he didn't exactly ask permission. That's why I got so pissed off."

I put my head down until he picked it back up for me. I stared at him while I frowned, and he seemed to be trying to read the thoughts behind my eyes. He scooted in closer and wrapped his arms around me, and we sat holding on to one another. He started placing his lips to my throat and slowly made his way up, kissing me desperately on my skin and then my mouth.

"Baby... Stay here with me. I know you think he could be better than me, but he abandoned you and cheated on you! And you were fine without him. It took some time, but I'm the one that was able to put you back together. You were starting to be happy again."

"I don't think he's better than you."

"He thinks he loves you more than I do, but he's wrong. I don't care about any magic bullshit... No one will ever love you the way that I do. No one, Liz. That's straight from my heart, because I've loved and been in love with you, with every single little part of you since we met. I love you because of who you are, not because some great fucking Wolf Gods thought you were right for me."

He was saying just what I needed to hear, from his perspective. He was playing on my insecurities with Seth, and it was incredible because I'd never actually told him what they were in the first place. He just knew, because he knew how my mind and my heart worked. He wanted to break it down far enough that I would feel like an idiot if I wanted to be with Seth... and all he really had to do to accomplish that was voice the things that I had been thinking all along.

"Can you honestly say that if he had just met you and gotten to know you like normal people do that he would be this devoted to you? As devoted as I am?"

"No." Why did it hurt more to say it than to think it?

"So, if he wasn't a werewolf or what the hell ever, your perfect match would be me. How can you rely so much on his magic? How can you be sure that it won't just fade out, and then he'll be left wondering what it was about you that he fell for in the first place?"

I put my head down to avoid his stare, but he tipped my chin back and made me look right at him. "Liz, I could make you a list of the reasons why I love you and never want to let you go. Could he do that? Or would there be a paper that just said, 'Because I imprinted on her' in big letters? I know that you both feel it, but what's that feeling worth if it has no basis in anything that's real?"

I hated to cry, but I was doing it again. I hated that he was right...

He pounded his chest. "Liz, I love you because you're you, and I've been through hell to get you to see that and to feel the same for me. I've tried to make you happy, I've stood beside you through everything because we're amazing together and I wouldn't trade you for anything in the world. What can he say he's done for you? He chose to have sex with a bunch of girls whose names he can't even remember over having anything with you at all! He knew you were here and you were fucking _dying, _Liz! And he just left you to rot while he ran around trashing you! How can he truly see how much you're worth if he does shit like that to you?"

I was crying hard enough that he knew he'd gotten his point across, so he pulled me into his arms again and comforted me. I wanted to be mad and be strong, but I couldn't fault him for simply pointing out the reality of the situation.

I pulled back and wiped my tears. "I need to talk to Ana," I said in a voice that refused to reach above a whisper. "Look, I know it sounds childish, but I really want to know what she thinks after she's got the whole story. I'm glad that you know everything now and can tell me your view on it, but she knows me better than I know me and she's not so involved with the outcome."

He agreed, mostly because he was certain she would side with him.

We reappeared, finding both of them on the front porch where we'd left them. They looked surprised to see that both of us returned after that dramatic and shitty exit. I was hurting and angry, and I wasn't wasting any time.

"Seth, you have to show Ana what you can do," I told him, my arms over my chest and eyebrows high.

He looked stunned. "I'm sworn to secrecy..."

"You showed him!" I yelled, pointing at Darrell.

He sighed. "That's what you want? We'll have to go somewhere more private."

I took Ana's hand and pulled her into the backyard, Darrell and Seth trailing behind us.

"What's going on?" she whispered into my ear as we sat down together.

"She wants you to know what I am," Seth answered from at least fifteen feet away.

Ana looked confused, but she brushed it off. Seth started removing his pants, and Ana giggled and leaned towards me again. "Is his dick what I need to see? 'Cause no offense, but if it fit into you then it can't be _that _huge..."

"The surprise is not my dick, Ana. Just watch," Seth answered again.

"How the fuck can you hear me?" she yelled, frustrated. She hated being out of the loop.

"His senses are alot better than ours," I explained. "And now you'll see why."

Seth's form shimmered and changed, and then he was his wolfy self. Ana didn't speak; I wasn't one hundred percent that she was still even breathing. She just sat and gawked, and then she yelled at me.

"I _knew _there was something wierd about you two! Why the fuck did you keep this from me, Liz? You tell me all of your secrets!"

"I tell you all of _my _secrets, not everyone elses!" I defended.

She looked back at Seth as he came closer with his pants hanging from his mouth. "Wait... So, you're not a werewolf, too?" She looked up. "How can he... The moon's not even full tonight!"

Seth shifted back and pulled his bottoms on in one very quick motion, too fast to even see with our weak human eyes. "It's not like that," he told her as he sat down with us. "I'm not a werewolf, exactly. I'm a shifter, but I can only turn into the wolf. It's a gene that's been passed down throughout the generations of the tribe that I belong to. We do it to... We do it to defend people against vampires."

"Vampires..." Ana mumbled before she shook her head and then looked back at me. "Have you seen a vampire, Liz?"

I nodded. "I've met a few, even kicked back with a couple of them. Seth knows a family of them that don't hurt people. They drink animal blood instead, but I've seen the normal kind too, and they're pretty god damn scary."

"Why did you want me to know about all of this? I mean, I appreciate it... I've always wanted to believe in this kind of stuff, but why is it important?"

I giggled - I'd said something so similar when I had found out. "There's more to it, and that's the part that effects my insane love life."

She just stared at me blankly, waiting for some sort of clarification as to what in the world I meant by that.

"The wolves do this thing called imprinting. It's like... love at first sight, I guess."

"Except much more powerful. The second that Liz was near me, I was drawn to her before I even realized where I was going. And when I _saw _her..." Seth paused for a long moment, holding my gaze with his. "Nothing else in the world mattered anymore. Every bit of focus I had was on her. It's like the Earth shifted, and she was the sun for me," he finished with a lovely smile.

"Wait a second... Didn't you totally cheat on her, like, a million different times?"

He lowered his face in shame.

"Doesn't seem like all of your focus was on her then," Ana pointed out defensively.

"I will never, ever forgive myself for the way that I've treated her. The fact that she can still even look at me after all that I've done to her... I owe her everything."

"That's not... Well, actually yeah, that was so _fucked up!_" I hadn't really given him any shit for anything until now, but it was so hard for me to even believe that he had really done that. I hadn't made him tell me how many girls or any other details, all that I knew was that there were more than a couple of them. "That has definitely got to be the worst a guy has ever done me." I shook my head and rolled my eyes, then looked back at Ana.

"So anyways, you can see why I'm so mixed up about everything. I don't know what feelings are real, I don't even know what all of the feelings _are_ inside of me right now! I don't know if this pull towards Seth is even love exactly. And if he's supposed to be my one and only soul mate, how could he have done those things to me? With Darrell... He loves me in the normal way, for the right reasons. I know that what we have is genuine, and he's been so good to me."

"Like choosing between a magical fantasy and real life," Darrell threw in. "When does the perfect dream shatter?"

"Elizabeth, I don't know how to prove to you that what I have for you is real except to spend every single day of the rest of our lives at your side, treat you like the queen that you are and never miss an opporunity to tell you that you're beautiful and amazing and that I love you. What I did before made me want to die. I will never, _ever _hurt you again, I can swear that to you. Can he?"

"Of course - " Darrell began to interrupt, but he got interrupted.

"Human love dies all the time. If you'll look at our history, you'll see that my _magic _has a one hundred percent success rate. What's the statistic for divorce in this country?" Seth spoke directly to Darrell, his voice flowing like silk over glass. He turned back to me and said, "We're in love, and you can try to deny it or put off being with me, but in the end you're going to be mine. You could save us all alot of heartache if you'd just open yourself back up to me now."

"You could have saved us all this trouble if you would have just stayed away," Darrell said in return.

"She wanted me here. I could feel it, back and forth at first but it got stronger and then she'd made her mind up. Even if she doesn't realize it."

My heart _did _want him, it had since I'd met him. Desperately. And that was a good thing until this whole mess... My head told me that he'd fucked me over, and I didn't trust him to not do it again. I didn't trust that if I gave myself to him completely, he wouldn't make me regret it. That was such a big risk to take, especially when Darrell felt so safe and comfortable to me.

"I still don't know what to do," I proclaimed, pulling my knees up into my chest. "Letting go of either one of you is going to hurt so bad, but that sharing idea is never going to happen. I have to pick one of you..." I looked at Seth, and then at Darrell. Did I want passion, or did I want comfort?

"I don't know what I want right now," I told them honestly. "The way that things are going is just horrible, and it's only confusing me more. I think I need some time to myself to think about everything..." I gathered some courage and focused on Darrell. "And I don't think it's right to have a relationship with someone while I'm considering someone else. It's not fair to you, and it's making things more complicated for me. I'm sorry, I know that you deserve so much more than that from me - "

"Ssshhhh," Darrell shushed, cupping my face into his huge hand. "You're just trying to do what's right, and there's no easy way at the moment. I want you to be happy. You're the only one that knows what's best for you... You don't owe me anything, you've been wonderful to me, Liz. I love you, and I'll give you what you need." He bit his lips together, something I did when I was trying to hold back tears. "Even if that means I have to give you up for good."

He stood up and turned his back to the rest of us. "I need to go home and get some rest. I'll be praying that some day you'll want to be my girl again, babe."

I felt my heart breaking as he walked silently away, and the pain inside of me fueled my anger at myself. How could I hurt the one person that had stood by me through every hardship life had thrown our way? Why couldn't I love Darrell in the way that he deserved to be loved? He had a rough past and a tough exterior, but once he let you into his heart it was easy to see that he was a great person - one of the absolute best I had ever had the pleasure of knowing.

And I had just broken him for my own stupid, selfish feelings.

"Liz, where are you going to stay tonight?" Seth asked as Ana wrapped her arm around my shoulder. It was enough comfort to keep the tears at bay, even if it wasn't coming from the person I wished it was.

"Stay with me tonight," Ana said. "And Seth can stay here too, in the basement room."

"Thanks for the offer, but I think I'll sleep in the woods," Seth replied. "Liz said she needed space from me, and she probably wants to talk to you without me being able to overhear."

"Er, do you need a tent or anything?"

I giggled and sniffled at the same time. "I think he's going to stay wolfy while he sleeps. Right?" I looked up at him, and it seemed we were both taken with eachother's appearance. I could see through his eyes into his heart, and I could tell how badly he wished to touch me, even for just a moment. I wanted the same thing in alot of ways, but I felt guilty enough as it was. I was technically single now, but I wasn't touching or kissing anyone until I had this mess sorted out. Well... That was the plan, anyways. I couldn't account for everything that may happen.

He nodded, smiling as we stared at one another. "I'll be far enough to give you some privacy, but close enough to hear you if you yell loud for me." I moved to stand, and he jumped up and helped me to my feet. "Can I see you tomorrow?" he asked, unyielding in his desperation.

"I don't know..." I hated to say. It would be different if someone had asked if I would _want _to see him tomorrow, but I think having some time without him or Darrell around me was the only way I was going to get anywhere closer to an answer.

Seth helped Ana stand up too, and I glanced at her to meet her eye for just a moment.

"Lizzy, I need to take a serious piss. Come in when you're done," she covered. It was hard to not laugh at the excuse she used for having to leave us alone for a second.

As soon as Ana was going through the door, Seth stepped right up to me. I could feel the warmth of his skin, even though we still were not touching. I couldn't stop myself from wanting to kiss him again... Or from wanting alot more than just a kiss. Denying my body the enormous pleasure of his was torturous.

He tilted my head up, and I let him. "Elizabeth," he breathed, my name like a song coming from his lips. "When you want or need something badly enough, I can feel it coming from you." He moved the hand that was beneath my chin to cup my face.

"What does it feel like I'm wanting and needing right now?" I was so mixed up that I had to have someone else tell me what I was feeling.

He sighed. "More than I can give you... Except for this."

My eyes closed before his lips touched mine and our arms wound around eachother. I knew I shouldn't, but I let my mind go silent. I focused on him and how much I'd been craving him while we'd been apart, and for a second I found it incredibly hard to believe that I would deny this man anything, especially myself.

Our mouths moved in sync, and neither of us pushed it. It was soft and sweet and perfect, and I wished it didn't have to end... I think I could spend the rest of my life right here, holding on to Seth as he held on to me.

Painfully, I pulled away from him. I had to... I was too full of him, too enamored and I had just told myself that I wouldn't let this happen tonight. He crushed my body against his, keeping as much contact as I'd allow. He inhaled me again and again as he placed his lips to my neck and cheeks, and then gave my lips one final peck before he let me go.

"I love you, Liz. Sleep well... And don't forget that I'll be close enough to hear if you need anything at all." He turned away and jogged off into the cover of the trees, leaving me standing there alone, content and unsettled and ecstatic and confused.

I went inside, only nodding at Caroline on my way to Ana's room. I plopped down on her bed beside of her with a heavy sigh. "See why I'm so messed up? This whole situation is a big gray area."

"Yeah... I get it now. I had no clue there was that much happening..." She rolled to her side and held her head up on her hand. "What does the imprint thing feel like to you?"

"I don't know... It's kind of hard to explain. I feel a pull to him all the time. Something in me can sense it when he's close, like I'm more complete somehow..." I searched my mind for words to describe it all. "When I first saw him, it was like really intense attraction and want and lust all wrapped into one. I mean, I wanted to know him, wanted to be around him again as soon as he was gone. It got more overwhelming over time... When he was with a different girl the first time, I got this sick feeling in my stomach and I knew what he was doing, even though I really _didn't _know. Does that make sense?"

Ana nodded yes. "It sounds like a primal sort of thing... An instinctual connection. Like you want him and the want consumes you, but you can't figure out why you feel that way. It really _is _like magic."

"It is. And the other day... I was scared the whole way out to meet up with Jess, I just felt like something bad was going to happen. When that guy pulled the gun on me, I was fucking terrified and pissed off, and I was sure my life was about to end. But when Seth came close enough, some part of me recognized his presence and knew that he was near... Sub-consciously. I couldn't place why at that time, but my brain switched from being scared to death to feeling powerful - all of my fear just drained away. I thought it was because of my balls of steel," I laughed. "It wasn't though, it was him. And he can feel me, too; He knew where I was and that I needed someone to help me before my head ended up splattered all over the forest floor."

"You know, I spent so much time wracking my brain and trying to figure out how in the world he happened to save you. It really didn't make any sense before knowing about the wolf thing... I knew you wouldn't lie to me about not having talked to him at all, and I was starting to think he may have been stalking you or something!"

"Sorry that I didn't tell you, but I would have been betraying him... Oh yeah, you'll never believe who's a vampire that we know! Remember Walker from the cemetary road?"

She started laughing. "No fucking way! What kind of vampire would want to give that guy eternal life?" She shook her head. "If it were me, he would have just been lunch," she joked with an evil smile.

"So when you left with Darrell earlier, it seemed like you were going to break up with him then," she said, a question in her voice.

"I was I guess, but he reminded me of why I hadn't already jumped right back into Seth's arms..."

"He changed your mind again?"

"That man knows me much too well." I rolled my eyes. "Sometimes it's like he's in my head, picking around all those thoughts. He pointed out every fear that I had about being with Seth, and I'd never mentioned any of them to him before. And he made alot of valid points about why he was the better choice in the long run."

"Seth made a good point, too - People fall out of love all the time. Is it really more of a risk to be with Seth just because he fell in love with you in a different way? Who's to say that Darrell's feelings for you won't burn out one day?"

I nodded. "That's true... But at least Darrell never cheated on me. It's a hell of alot easier to trust him right now."

"That's understandable. Trust is definitely something that people have to earn with you, Liz."

"If Seth hadn't done all of that, I don't think I'd be so stand-offish towards him now. It would still suck in alot of ways, because you know it hurts me to have to hurt Darrell and he definitely doesn't deserve it, but I would be able to ignore my worries about the imprinting stuff at least. Can you imagine how hard it is to push someone away that deserves my focus to make room for someone that's hurt and disrespected me? It makes me feel so fucking stupid."

"You can't help who you fall in love with," Ana answered. "Don't let yourself feel stupid for it. Love's not supposed to be logical, it's supposed to be passionate. We both know who you're passionate about it... But at the same time, you can't tell if you want him because _you _want him, or if it's because some higher power says that you're supposed to." She sighed, and I could tell that my problems were stressing her out almost as much as they were me.

"You're thought process works _so _much like mine. It's kind of freaky sometimes."

"It's like arranged love instead of arranged marriage," she mumbled.

I laughed for a moment, not ever having thought of it quite like that before. I yawned and stretched out, then yanked my bottoms off so I could relax in my undies.

"I'm sleepy... Maybe I'll have a better perspective in the morning."

Ana leaned over and clicked the light off, and then we both settled in comfortably to sleep.

"Well whatever you decide, at least you'll always have me," Ana said cheerily.

"Thank god for that," I responded with a smile that she probably couldn't see.

"Goodnight, Lizzy my love."

"Night, Ana Banana. Thanks for always being there for me."

She was quiet for a few minutes, and then her curiosity got the best of her. "Liz, will you tell me about vampires and shape-shifters and all that stuff?"

I told her stories of monsters, heroes, valiance and horror until she fell asleep.


	53. Didn't Know Yet

**Chapter Fifty Three - Didn't Know Yet What I'd Know When I Was Bleedin'**

I spent three days straight holed up in Ana's house. Even my phone had remained turned off. Neither of us were the hermit type, but I had alot of thinking to do and she didn't feel right leaving me at her house alone. She gave me space when she could tell I needed some, and she was right at my side when I needed company or someone to cry or talk to. She was being incredibly good to me and listened to every crazy thought that needed to come out of my mouth, but she avoided giving me advice because she knew she had influence over me. She didn't want her opinion to sway me... This was my decision, alone.

The great thing was that I had made my mind up, without anyone's help and without anything having to push me into it. I knew what was right and what was best for me. The crappy part was that I had to stop hiding out and actually go through with everything... There were some tough conversations to be had, and I was dreading it.

On the morning of the fourth day, I got up and bathed and dressed myself in some clothes of mine that had been at Ana's for God knows how long, and then I set off walking. I could actually feel Seth near me, and I was willing to bet that he was watching me. I considered calling out to him to say hello since he'd been stuck outside for so long now, but he would just have to wait a little bit longer.

I went down to Darrell's house, trying to come up with some sort of plan on what exactly I would say. I wasn't having any luck, and it didn't really matter anyways. Anything I thought to say now would be forgotten once we were actually talking.

Mandy's car was in the driveway, and I wondered for a second if I should wait around until she left. That was too cowardly to consider for long, so I pushed forward with my head high and my shoulders back. I had to remind myself to actually knock on the door and wait for an answer before just walking on in.

I could hear some giggling and a small crash, and then Mandy opened the door... In nothing but a t-shirt and panties.

I raised my eyebrows and stared at her, stunned into silence. She, on the other hand, looked scared to fucking death.

"Liz, hey!" she finally managed to say. "I... uhh... Well... How have you been?" she stuttered nervously, moving her bare legs behind the door a little.

"Where's Darrell?"

He appeared then, smiling at first as he went towards his bedroom. His smile turned to open-mouth and wide-eyed mortification when he saw me standing there.

He kept his eyes on me and said, "Mandy, you have to go now."

"Don't make her leave on my account," I told him. "I just wanted to talk to you for a minute."

"I could go wait in your room or something?" Mandy offered, still shaking in her bare feet. She probably thought I was about one point zero seconds from mopping the floor with her face, but I didn't care. I thought it was a little fucked up of Darrell, but he was single and I should have expected as much.

He cocked his head, motioning for her to go and hide somewhere. As soon as she was shut inside of his bedroom, he pulled me into the house, shut the door behind me and began to apologize.

"Oh my god Liz, I'm so sorry... God, I'm a fucking idiot for the ages, aren't I? I kept trying to prove how good I would be to you, and then four days after we break up you find me with another girl..." His head snapped up and his eyes bore into me. "Oh no, were you coming to try to work things out?"

"Well, no." And what I had just walked in on made me _so _fucking thankful of that fact. "I guess it's kind of unnecessary since we were already broken up, but I just thought I should let you know that I figured out what I'm going to do."

He nodded in understanding, staring at his feet. He was silent for a few seconds and then asked, "Promise that this had nothing to do with your decision?"

"I had already decided... But this definitely makes me sure that I chose right."

"Are you still my friend? Even though I'm a sick fuck, and even if you move away again?"

"Yeah. I love you to death Darrell, but I think we maybe should have always just been friends. We're better at it."

"I'm really sorry for this..." He hung his head shamefully. "Guess I didn't deserve you so much, either."

"Don't sweat it. I have to go now, but call me when ever. I'll let you know if I leave the state."

He threw his arms around me unexpectedly, squeezing me to him though my own arms hung at my sides. "Bye, babe. I'm gonna miss you..."

I turned on my heel and left, and waited until I was out of sight from his home to let the emotions hit me. What the fuck was so wrong with me that everyone who claimed to me their undying love wanted to fuck somebody else? Was I not sexy enough? Not good enough in bed?

I had never viewed myself as undesirable, but my self esteem had dropped to non-existent status.

I wasn't mad at D - he really hadn't done anything wrong. I just couldn't believe that the only two men I had ever truly loved in my life had proclaimed undying love and devotion to me, and then had another girl in their beds less than a week later.

I went back to Ana's without stopping to talk to Seth. I was beginning to think that it was pointless to try to date anyone anymore, not when love had such a different meaning to everyone that wasn't me. If Seth had loved me as much as I loved him, how could he stick his dick in someone else while he was still with me? If Darrell had loved me as much as he swore he did, then why was there a slut in underwear answering his front door, just days after he had said he'd be waiting to see if I came back to him?

I was feeling incredibly insecure. I was almost scared to even talk to Ana... Maybe in the twenty minutes I'd been gone, she'd found a best friend that meant more to her than I did.

I'd been planning on avoiding him, but he appeared from around the side of the house, trotting over towards me. He looked distraught. "Liz... it's been days. Have you gained any clarity?"

"I _did,_" I mumbled as I rolled my eyes.

"You went to Darrell's," he stated.

"Yeah, seems like even the people who swear they love me can't go more than a few days without fucking someone that's _not _me..."

"It's no reflection on you," he said. "People do stupid things sometimes."

I glared at him. "Not a reflection on me?" I repeated, my voice thick with sarcasm. "How could it not be a reflection on me? I don't believe that either one of you are simply that fucked up on your own, and the only thing the two of you have in common is me. " I lowered my gaze and shook my head. "Maybe I'm that stupid girl that's worth loving and not worth being true to. Maybe things aren't meant to turn out alright for me."

"Liz, no!" he suddenly exclaimed. "Don't ever think that you're anything less than amazing and beautiful, no matter how stupid Darrell and I have been. When he lost you before, he wanted you back more than anything, and it was even worse for me. He's lost you again and we both know he's going to miss you for a very long time. How could you think you're not worth truth or anything else in the world when you have two men that would give anything to have you?"

"Give anything..." I laughed humorlessly. "Neither of you can even _give_ me a full week of space without finding someone else that you obviously see as more sexually attractive than me. You can say what you want about it, but the actions make it all too clear in my eyes... If that's all the worth people put on love, then I'm not fucking interested in it anymore. I've been hurt enough... I don't believe I can handle that level of disappointment again."

I pulled the screen door open, and Seth slammed it shut. "I'm not letting you do this. Not to me or to yourself," he said adamently.

"I don't think it's up to you what I do," I snapped back, defiant.

"I know that it is. Go ahead, try and walk away from me again," he dared. "I bet that you can't."

"Why are doing this?" I was reaching my limit, on pain and anger both. He should know me well enough to back the fuck off before all hell broke loose.

"I've made mistakes with you, and I'll never stop being sorry for that, but you are _mine, _Elizabeth. You're not leaving me again."

"Is that a threat?"

"It's a promise." He stepped forward until I had a wall to my back and him at my front with no exit. "I know that you're hurting..." He ran his hand down the back of my hair. "Just let me make you feel better."

I crossed my arms in the tiny space that I still had. "No."

"Don't punish yourself because of mine and Darrell's stupidity," he pushed, bringing his face down to my neck.

"I think you two have punished me enough, thank you." I wanted so much to ignore his advances, but my body was beginning to react without my permission.

"And you didn't deserve any of it. You have to know that, even if it doesn't feel that way right now."

"I _do _know that! I also know that there's either something wrong with me, or there is something very wrong with the two of you!" I had to close my eyes and concentrate on my breathing; my temper was making me feel like a volcano on the edge of eruption.

"There's nothing wrong with you at all, Liz!"

"Then why in the FUCK am I not enough?" I yelled. "Why does everyone who's _so _in love with me stick parts of themselves into other girls? What the hell do they have that I don't?"

I was crying and I was sure the whole neighborhood could hear me, but I just didn't care. I had way too much to get off my chest, and he wanted this to go down now instead of later.

"I lost so much when I came back here, and I made a mistake... But what you did to me..." I looked into his eyes and it hurt, because all I could imagine was him looking down at someone else in mid-orgasm.

"What I did to you was disgusting and unforgivable. I'll never be able to take it back or make up for it, but you were about to give me another chance before you saw that Darrell had - "

"Forgotten about me in just a few days," I finished, sobbing wrecklessly. Thank God for water-proof mascara. "How am I supposed to trust anyone when this keeps happening to me?"

"You just _do_! You let someone in and you try to have faith that they're not going to hurt you!"

"I don't want to anymore! I'm tired of being proven wrong when I think someone can respect me, and then proven right when I think someone's going to hurt me! I fucking give up on it!"

"No you don't. I know you Liz, your heart's too big to just block everyone out of it from here on out. You'll get past this, and you're going to do it with me helping you. I'll show you that it's worth it to trust me again, even if I did wreck everything before."

"Why would I put myself in a position expecting to get cheated on?" I covered my face with my hands. "I don't know if I'll survive a blow like that the second time around."

He wrapped his fingers around my wrists, and though I fought against him he pulled my arms to my sides and held them there. "You won't have to, because I will never hurt you again. I will never even _look_ at another woman again. I couldn't even see their faces, not one since I've known you. I thought that you had cheated on me, and I made a huge mistake."

"And the others? Did you think I went whoring around and feel the need to repay me?"

"No. As soon as I had... I knew that you hadn't been with anyone like I had thought. The others were a punishment to myself, because I had ruined our relationship and I hated myself for it."

"That makes no fucking sense at all!" I was back to yelling. "You were punishing _yourself _by getting a bunch of pussy?"

"I was proving that I didn't deserve you anymore. I was making sure that if I ever saw you again, you wouldn't want me anymore."

"Well, mission fucking accomplished! You betrayed me and everything we had together, which I thought was alot. You chose anonymous poontang over me, and I'll never be able to look at you the same!"

"But you still want me." He put his hands around the smallest part of my waist. "I can smell it."

"Excuse me?" I meant for it to come out venomously, but he was starting to turn me on.

"I can smell how wet I'm making you."

"Seth!"

He kissed me then, and my anger actually made it hotter somehow. He was grasping at my hair, keeping my face right on his. I put my hands on his shoulders and shoved, taking him off guard enough to actually break our mouths apart. Then I slapped him, hard.

He made a sound in the back of his throat, a surprised and angry grumble. He still had one hand on my waist and the other in my hair, and he shoved me back about a half an inch until I hit the wall. He yanked at my hair from the back, pulling my head up and exposing my neck. His mouth went to the skin of my throat, licking and kissing and using his teeth to nip at me. I wound the fingers of one hand into his short hair and pulled his head away from me. He moaned in response and pushed his pelvis up against mine, letting me feel how hard he was. I think that was about the point that my eyes rolled back...

I couldn't believe that he was doing this to me. He knew if he pushed hard enough, I wouldn't be able to say no. He also knew how incredibly pissed off I was, and he had to see that this was not the time to be trying to make moves on me... Even if it was kind of working.

His lips slammed against mine, making my head hit the wall again. It didn't hurt, so I paid no attention to it. I was still struggling between being pissed and being horny, but he felt so fucking good that it was impossible to not give in a little. So I kissed him back, ran my nails down his back and fed all of my feelings at once.

He broke our kiss, lowering his forehead against mine. "Ana's coming," he whispered.

He took a step back just as she was opening the door. Seth turned around, and I could see the thin red lines my nails had dug in his skin fading until there was no evidence of them at all. Ana saw too, and she thought it was cool - I could tell just by the look on her face.

She dropped the smile from her face and turned her attention to me. "D just called. Need to talk about anything?"

I thought for a moment. "No, not really. What did he say?"

She rolled her eyes as she answered, "I don't know exactly, it was hard to make it all out through the crying, but something about you seeing Mandy in her underwear."

I started laughing. "Hey, if he wants to sink that low and fuck around with skanky girls, that's his problem. Not mine." And whatever disease he would end up getting from living that way was also, very much, his problem.

She smiled. "Good. I couldn't tell if he was worried that you were upset or if he was upset because you busted him."

"Busted!" I said loudly, still giggling. "It did kind of hurt my feelings, but I'm glad he's moving on so fast. I certainly am..."

A goofy look came over her face and she looked back and forth between Seth and I. "Were you guys doing something naughty?" She waggled her eyebrows suggestively. I just smiled shyly in return.

"Seth!" A male voice that I didn't recognize called from somewhere behind Ana's house - Somewhere in her back yard or the woods. He appeared where Seth had, and it was Jarred. I gave Seth a, "What the fuck?" look.

"Dude I'm sorry, but you promised me a shower and a meal at some point. I'm dyin' out here!"

Ana squinted her eyes at him. "And you are?"

"Jarred, hey, nice to meet you," he said without pause.

"You can use my shower if you want, but I am not cooking," she informed him.

"Will you wash my shorts for me?" he asked hopefully.

"Okay," she agreed.

"After you're done we can go get something to eat. I'll pay," I offered. "Or I could run to McDonald's or something now?"

Jarred was on the verge of drooling. "That would be so awesome."

I looked to Ana. "You coming with?"

"I actually need to walk up the street, right after I put his clothes in the washer. I'll be back here by the time you come home, though. And then we need to be getting ourselves ready..." she raised her eyebrows, trying to remind me.

I smacked my hand to my forehead. "Oh shit, I totally forgot!" Ana and I had some major plans for the evening. She figured I was going back to Washington sometime soon, and she was saying goodbye in our usual style - we were going to party the fuck down.

Ana and I both looked at Seth and Jarred. "Uh, you guys going somewhere tonight?" Seth finally asked.

"Yeah," I answered.

"We're going out _all_ night," Ana continued for me. "I don't know if it's really your scene."

"What are you guys doing?"

"See a show in Charleston, and then to a rave afterwards in Huntington."

"A rave?" Jarred laughed. "What, you're going to do ecstasy and dance to techno music all night?"

"Hell yes we are," Ana answered, winking at me.

"Oh no!" I yelled as I remembered something important. "I still have to move all of my shit out of Darrell's house!"

"Why don't you have him get it together for you and I'll go pick it up and bring it here," Seth suggested.

I laughed and then shrugged my shoulders and sent Darrell a text. He asked me to come down too, but I told him I would be busy for awhile. We all went inside for a second and made a list of what everyone wanted, and then we all parted ways. Except for Jarred and Ana, but she was leaving soon. Seth walked behind me out of the house and whistled as I was getting into my car.

The drive to and from McDonald's was the only quiet part of my day.

Everything became a whirlwind the second I'd scarfed down my nuggets. Ana and I got ready, dressing ourselves in some wierd mixture of hard rock and psychedelic styles. We put glitter in our hair and on our skin and popped some pacifiers, our last little touches. Seth and Jarred had decided to come with us... I wasn't sure if that was a good idea or not, but if they wanted to come then I wasn't going to tell them they shouldn't. The upside to them coming was that they said they wouldn't be drinking or doing anything else, so that meant we'd have two designated drivers with us.

Ana had been curious about what Jarred's relationship status was, but when I told her he had imprinted on someone already she waved it off and didn't need to hear more. She said that he was cute, but no way was she stepping near that kind of shit.

I drove us out to the club in Charleston and immediately went to find Rob, the drummer from Karma To Burn. I had brought a jug of moonshine for them, and they thanked me personally when I gave it to them and then again when they got on stage. Seth and I flirted around a little, but he was making me too nervous to actually do anything... I got drunk and we had a good time, and near the end of the show me and Ana took a little trip to the ladies' room to get this shit rollin'. We popped some X and snorted some Molly and some adderall, then finished the show out proclaiming our love for everything we thought of with pupils as big as saucers.

The ride from Charleston to Huntington probably took twenty minutes or less, but it was still somehow eventful - Ana and I were drunk off our asses and wigging out, so we sat in the backseat talking about crazy times and singing the old-school love songs that kept coming on the radio. We kept getting lost since neither of us were giving Seth the best directions, but we finally reached our destination and made it through the door of the big, empty warehouse. Well... It had been empty a few hours ago.

There was music blasting, people dancing all over the place, black-light graffiti coating the walls and an awesome light show illuminating the space in different colors. It was like walking into a movie, especially with how the chemicals were affecting me.

"Liz, Ana Belle!" Tommy said from close behind. We gave eachother hugs and laughs and all that shit, and then we introduced him and his boyfriend to Seth and Jarred. Tommy looked them over, excited by what he saw.

"Do you guys swing?" he asked after one serious eye-fuck session.

"We're not gay," Seth replied, yelling over the music.

"Honey, everybody's gay on ecstasy," Tommy shot back. "I need a mimosa, you all enjoy yourselves!" He cut between bodies and disappeared in the crowd.

"Lizzy, sorry but I am feeling the love drug and pretty boy over here is taken. I'm off to find me something sexy to play with!" Ana proclaimed before disappearing as well.

"I'm going to... yeah," Jarred said awkwardly and took off.

That left just me and Seth, but the ecstasy made me have not the slightest problem with that. On the contrary, I preferred to be alone with him; I was wishing we were really alone, and then I would rip all of his clothes off with my teeth. He wouldn't even have to do anything but lay back, and I'd carry us both all the way to happy land.

We were smiling like idiots at eachother. "You seem like you're having a good time," he said.

"Definitely! Hey, I need a drink. Want to come with me?"

He nodded, took my hand and walked me through the thick crowd. There were cups and a keg, so I got us both some beer even though Seth had said he wasn't going to drink.

I held the second cup up to him. "Just have one with me since I'm rolling tonight?"

"Okay," he shrugged. We held our cups close.

"To good times," I said.

"And good people," he added.

"And good drugs," I threw in with a laugh. We clinked and chugged them all the way down, then headed out to the dance floor.

"Whoa, uh, I don't dance!" Seth yelled into my ear.

I quirked an eyebrow at him and led him further towards the back of the bulding where all of the tables were. He watched me climb up, pulling off my long sleeve top along the way. I tossed it to him and he shoved it into his back pocket, keeping his eyes locked on me as I popped my pacifier and started go-going my ass off.

It wasn't long before someone came over and started talking to me. He looked like a frat-guy, and he handed a beer up to me. "You look amazing up there!" he said loudly.

I handed him back the empty cup. "Thanks!" I said as I resumed my movement. I hoped that he would get the hint without me having to come right out with it. I was feeling dancing right now, not being flirted with by some guy that I didn't know, especially when that guy was likely to be on ecstasy and looking for a fuck. If I got to feeling horny again, it was going to be Seth to satisfy that particular urge.

"I'm Rick!" he called in return.

"I'm busy!" I said back.

"What?" he asked just as Seth appeared and said something into his ear.

He looked up again to say, "Sorry!" and then vanished as quick as he'd come.

Seth reached up for me to take his hand, and then he helped me down from the table. I was getting that familiar fluttery feeling in my belly, only so much more intense because of the drugs and alcohol. It was spreading warmth through my whole system, centering itself around a very particular part of me.

Seth and I were in the midst of another mushy staredown. "Let's go somewhere alone," I pretty much demanded. I think at this point I would attack him and force him if he tried to say no.

"Where?" he asked, not breaking my gaze for even a second.

"Just get the car and meet me out front."

I turned away and took off, searching for Jarred or Ana. I went upstairs and looked down at the dance floor, finally spotting her grooving out with a decent looking guy. It was a fight to get back down there and to her, but I finally managed it.

I turned her around and cut off her greeting. "I need to go have sex with Seth like, right now! I'm going to get a hotel room, and I'll come back to get you guys in a couple of hours. Is that cool?"

"Hell yeah! I hope you guys fill up the whole of that couple of hours!"

"I'll text you where we are and when I'm on my way, and call me if you need anything. Be safe!"

"You, too! Tell him to wear protection!"

I pushed and shoved my way out of there as quick as I could. Seth was in the running car, waiting just outside of the doors to the place. I jumped into the passenger seat and launched myself on him, not bothering to be slow or gentle. I had my mouth on his neck and his dick in my hand before he even realized what the hell was happening to him.

"Where?" he asked, panting in a way that sounded almost painful.

"There's a hotel just a couple of minutes away. Go back the way we came." I dropped back into my own seat and buckled up as he sped off towards the Super Eight. I checked him out for the few minutes he was driving; he looked sexy in the Jimi Hendrix t-shirt I'd loaned him. When we got to the hotel I ran to check us in and then we both ran to our room. Once inside, we locked the door and I sat on the bed and checked how bouncy it was.

"Liz, I really wanted the next time we did... that... to be special for you. Maybe we should try to wait."

That put a damper on things, but I wasn't one to go down without a fight. "You sure about that?" I asked as I stood up and removed my tank top and then my skirt. I knew that there was some chance that I would be seen by him tonight, so I'd gone the extra mile to make sure that my body was right and my underthings were skimpy and lacy. Seth loved lace.

He didn't answer - He just stared, and his pants grew a tent as the seconds ticked by. I went to him and started undoing his belt. "I think this is plenty special... And if you had any idea how horny I am right now, I doubt you'd try to argue this one." I whipped his belt out and yanked his pants down.

Something shifted about his demeanor, and he jerked me up with his hands beneath my ass. He walked forward until my back hit the wall, pushing my panties to the side as he moved.

"I thought you were mad at me, Liz."

"Well..." Why was he making this so difficult? I was mad at him, but that didn't need to be brought up right now!

He backed up and dropped to the bed with me still wrapped around him. "Would this be what you wanted still, if you weren't on anything?"

That one was toeing the line of offensive, and I opened my mouth to tell him so. He stopped me with a finger to my lips.

"I can't have you acting on a whim right now, baby," he said, his voice soft and sultry. "If we do this, you're in it for the long haul with me. Marriage, babies, all of that stuff."

His words took me from soaking through my panties to suddenly needing my clothes back on. Since when did I have to base my whole life around my next fuck? I let myself fall backwards and rolled off of him, then curled up on my side, turned away from him. I felt like crying again... This was definitely not how I had pictured my night going.

"Please don't block me out..." He tried rolling me towards him but I wouldn't allow it.

"Please don't say you give a shit about me, fuck a bunch of random whores and then reject me," I shot back, frustrated and furious and sad.

"I would never reject you, but I'm also not going to let you do things that you'll come to regret later. If you jump into something with me and you don't plan on staying, it's going to hurt us both in the end. Even if it's just one night of passion. There's no dipping your toes into love, Liz - You have to know that you're mine first."

I turned over enough that he could see me rolling my eyes at him. "I'm not even going to pretend to know what you mean."

"We have to do things right this time... I'm not taking any more chances on losing you. You have to give me your heart before you give me anything else."

"You already have my heart, you dumb ass!" I yelled, boiling over. "When have you not?"

"No, _you _have your heart. You worry about yourself and you have no ties to anyone. You can cut and run when ever the mood strikes you, and you play that to your advantage."

I got up and found my clothes. "I think we're done talking."

He was at my front in an instant, holding me still. "You have to understand my point of view on this. I'm not trying to hurt you, I'm trying to show you that you're worth so much more than that to me."

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Like I said before, that doesn't make any sense. If you think the way to show me worth is to not touch me when I'm practically begging for it, then you're more twisted than I am."

"We've both been with other people physically. You've been living with another man for months now. Don't you want us to give eachother something we've never allowed anyone else before? If we have sex then it's just sex... There's no more attachment than that. I want to have you in a way that no one ever has before. I want you to have that from me, so that you can never doubt how serious I am about you."

I blinked. "What are you saying exactly? You'll fuck me if I... What, exactly?"

He sat down and sighed. "I thought we could if I just got you to agree to marry me, but now I'm thinking we should go all the way."

I knew he didn't mean go all the way in the way I would have meant it if I were the one saying it.

"I want you to marry me, Liz, and I'll give you everything that you want if you do." He looked up at me, radiating resolve.

"Don't make me promises that you can't keep. Everything that I want? Sometimes I want to be on a different planet. Sometimes I want to die."

"I'll give you all the love that you could ever want," he corrected. "If you'll marry me."

I couldn't believe what he was saying. "You're giving me an ultimatum..." I sat down, glad that my ass was covered again in my skirt.

"No, that's not what this is. I'm giving you a choice. You know that when it really comes down to it, I can't deny you anything. If you really want a fun night, I'll give it to you. I'm just offering you something so much better. I want to give you a good life, baby, not just a day here or a week or a month there. I want you forever."

I started to hyperventilate and fled to the bathroom, shutting myself in. I was coming down hard and had to puke in the toilet, and afterwards I just sat in the floor. It seemed like walking back through that door was like waltzing onto a battlefield, and I wasn't ready to face Seth; I wasn't ready to face myself. I definitely wasn't ready to face a decision of this magnitude.

This was normally the time where I would shut down, when everything started to overwhelm me. When things got too real... When it was about making life changing decisions instead of being able to put everything off or drink my cares away. I hated that I had gotten to the point that I couldn't handle the things that mattered - I realized in that moment what a child I really was.

Was this me? Drinking and drugging and partying my life away? Or did I want to be an actual person, a person that lived for every moment and not just a few of them? Should I acknowledge my own depth or just keep playing idiotically in the kiddie pool?

It might have been easy to push it from my mind if his offer wasn't absolutely tempting; I saw the life that I truly wanted laid out in front of me. Seth was offering to be my husband - Not my boyfriend, but my partner for the rest of my life. He was offering me something that I knew I would be lucky to ever have, a future that I had only seen as a dream before.

I tried to visualize what my life could be, tried to see myself changing into someone's wife and then later on, someone elses mother. I would wake up every morning with Seth in our bed, in our home. I would make a big breakfast and clean the house and take the dog for a walk... I would be happy. It was a beautiful picture I was painting in my mind, but I had to question if that was all it would ever be - a pretty picture, a fantasy.

Was I even good enough to be those things?

I realized this was going to take alot more time than I had in this little bathroom. That meant I had to swallow my fear down and go talk to him, no matter how much I wished to postpone it. I got off the floor, took a few deep breaths and left the bathroom.

Seth was sitting where I'd left him, toying with a little black box. Instinctively, without seeing what was inside, I knew what it was - He'd gotten me a ring. I pushed on without letting it scare me.

"Your phone's been ringing," he said quietly without looking up as he slid the box into his front pocket. I dug it out of my purse, sure that it was Ana. It wasn't, though - I had five missed calls from Darrell.

"Look, I think I understand what you're getting at." I sat down beside of him and waited until he could look at me.

"Do you?" he asked in return.

"Us getting married... it could be incredible. Or it could be a mistake."

"Liz, please - "

"I'm not saying that it would be, I'm just saying that I don't know. And you can't honestly say that you _do _know for sure... It's easy to promise things away without taking the time to look at them, and it's easy to be sure of yourself even when it's impossible to be sure of someone else. If I agreed to marry you right now, would you be absolutely positive that I wouldn't back out or mess things up before we made it to the altar?"

He wanted so badly to say yes, it was written all over his face. But he owed me honesty if nothing else, and he couldn't bring himself to lie.

"Seth, I know that I love you right now, and I know that I'll love you down the road, but we've had so many problems already and it's just been a couple of months! I have faith that we can be better, but I'm not really the type to base my life around blind faith. Can't we just start at the beginning again and work our way towards those bigger decisions?"

He smirked. "Are you asking me to be your _boyfriend?_" he asked, girling up the word.

I smiled at him. "Yeah, I guess I am."

"Elizabeth Lynette Collins, I would be honored to be your man." He kissed me, and it took my breath away.

I blinked, and it was morning. I jumped out of the bed, freaking out. I was supposed to go back and pick up Ana and Jarred last night, but I must have fallen asleep and stranded them!

Seth came in carrying two cups of gas station coffee as I was frantically searching around the room for any more of my belongings.

"Liz, baby, what's wrong?" he asked as he caught the look on my face.

"I told them I'd pick them up last night and fucking fell asleep!"

He put down the coffee and stopped me in my tracks with his amazing speed. "I went and got them last night right after you fell asleep. They're just next door."

I felt so relieved I had to sit down. "Thank you so much for doing that," I finally said.

"Hey..." he sat down beside of me and took both of my hands in his. "I know you want to talk to Ana and probably get out of here soon, but can we talk about something else that's important before you go anywhere?" I simply sat still and waited, curious as to what in the world he was going to bring up. Last night it was marriage, and this morning he has me bracing myself all over again.

"Are you coming back to Washington?" he asked in one long breath.

"I kind of assumed... How would we be together if I didn't?"

The smile that appeared on his face was strikingly beautiful and joyous, lighting up his perfect features. He hugged me up and asked, "You were already planning on moving back?"

"Yeah, I guess I was," I managed as he was squishing my air out.

He laid a kiss on me and then helped me stand back up. "I think you should bring Ana," he said suddenly. "Or at least try talking her into it. You guys love eachother like family, and I think you're happier with her around. If she came with you, she would get away from all the things you wanted away from when you left home. She could go to school or get a good job... She could start over. It'd be good for her."

I nodded as I got up. "Do me a favor and make sure we have everything. I'm going to go next door and grab them so we can leave."

Jarred answered the door with his own coffee in hand, moving aside to let me by. "She's in the bathroom," he said as he shut the light out behind me. "I think she's upset about something," he whispered. I knocked on the bathroom door next, and I was sure I heard her trying to cover up some sniffles in there.

"Ana?"

"Oh, Lizzy!" She opened up the door and yanked me in, locking it back with us inside. She'd definitely been crying, and I wondered if I would have to threaten a werewolf in a moment.

"What's wrong? Did he do something wierd?"

"Who?" she asked, dumbfounded. "Oh! No, no, he's actually a pretty nice guy. Not the best company ever, but that's just because his mind is so far away... No, I just keep thinking - " Her words broke and she made a high-pitched sound of misery. "I just keep thinking about Vince! I miss him so much... I still love him! How can I love someone that's dead?"

I sat down on the edge of the bath tub to level us out since she was sitting on the toilet seat. "I know you love him, sweetie, and there's nothing wrong with that aside from the fact that you have to miss him so much."

"I just... I keep asking myself what he would think if he could see me since he's been gone. Sometimes I think that he can. Every time I even think about flirting with another guy, I get this sick feeling like he knows what I'm doing and he hates me for it."

"Ana, I think you're forgetting that he loved you, too. He wouldn't hate you for trying to move on! Trying to keep on living your life without someone important doesn't make you bad or wrong, and it doesn't mean you guys cared any less for eachother while you were together. Think if the situation were reversed and you were the one gone. Wouldn't you want him to be happy, even though he'd lost you?"

"I've tried to think that way, I just can't be too sure of what a dead me would want from other people that were still alive..." She shook her head, then wiped at her face with some toilet paper. "I just can't believe that I let being lonely get to me so much... I shouldn't be looking for the next guy to love when I'm not even over my ex."

"I know Vince, and he wouldn't hate you or even be upset with you. All that he would want from you is to not forget him and how much you guys loved eachother. Remember how special he was to you and how awesome he made you feel... And he'd want you to never forget what it felt like to lose him. I think that's as important as remembering how it felt to have him."

"I'll never forget any of those things... Even when I wish I could." She met my gaze, and her eyes were full of so much sorrow that I couldn't stop myself from pitying her. "But you're right, I do owe him to always remember. If he were the one still here, I don't think he would forget about me."

"Ana, come to Washington with me. Just for a little while if you want, or you can move out there."

Her face brightened. "Are you serious?" I nodded. "Awesome!" she yelled. "When do we leave?"

"Let's get back to our stuff first, and then you just have to pack... I guess I'll have to rent a U-Haul or something." I started trying to plan out my next few actions.

"We're going to be roomies!" she said excitedly, jumping from her seat. She wiped the last of the tears from her face and dragged me out of the room behind her.


	54. I'm Your Man

_**"Ah, the moon's too bright  
The chain's too tight  
The beast won't go to sleep.  
I've been runnin' through these promises to you  
That I made and I could not keep.  
Oh, but a man never got a woman back  
Not by beggin' on his knees  
Or I'd crawl to you, baby  
And I'd fall at your feet  
And I'd howl at your beauty  
Like a dog in heat  
And I'd claw at your heart  
And I'd tear at your sheet  
I'd say please...  
I'm your man."  
- Leonard Cohen**_

**Chapter Fifty Four - I'm Your Man**

I was incredibly happy. I was back in the rainiest place ever, had my boyfriend back, had my dog back, had my best friend with me... Everything had just fallen into place. It felt good and it felt right, as opposed to that feeling of impending doom that I usually carried with me.

Ana had her own bedroom, and we were just getting her settled into it; we'd only been back for two days now. Seth had stayed over the first night, and though we weren't going to have any sex it was so nice to have his arms around me as I fell asleep, and to get to make out with him in my room like a horny teenager. He said he wasn't going to sleep with me very often because it was a little difficult for us to not push our new boundaries, but when he wasn't inside with me he was outside keeping watch.

He'd planned for the three of us to go to a cookout at Sam and Emily's tonight, and that's what Ana and I were getting ready for while I gushed about my joy.

"Maybe I'll find my own sexy werewolf man tonight," she said with a smile. "Or do they all already have life partners?"

"No, I think most of them are single... and some of them should remain that way! Wait until you meet Josh. He was the first one that I met."

"Yeah, I remember you telling me about him. Player extraordinaire, right?"

"That's the one," I giggled. "He's not horrible, he just doesn't have any respect for women, thinks they're all toys for him to play with or something."

"Well, point him out for me when we get there so I know which one to _not _talk to."

Luna - who had also recently become the happiest doggy ever since she had her happy mama back - started barking in the livingroom, alerting me to Seth's presence. Not that I needed an alert; I could feel how close he was to me. He knocked on the door a second later and then appeared in my bed room.

"You girls ready?" he asked before leaning down to kiss me.

I adjusted my boobs and checked my teeth in the mirror. "Ready," I smiled. He carried the cake I'd made to the car, and then we were on our way.

All of the wolves, along with their mates and girlfriends, were hanging out in the yard when we pulled up. Seth and I said hello and started introducing Ana to everyone, and I could see her seperating the imprinted wolves from the single ones mentally. She must be serious about finding her own sexy werewolf man.

We were talking to Leah when I heard Josh calling, "Hey, Liz!"

"That's Josh," I whispered to Ana, forgetting that probably everyone could hear me. I turned around and waved to him as he was coming closer.

"I'm glad you're back!" he told me genuinely as he hugged me.

"Thanks, me too. Hey, this is my best friend, Ana."

She turned around with a thoughtful smile on her face, and Josh suddenly stopped smiling. He stared at her with the strangest, most awed expression I'd ever seen him wear before, dropping his usual self-assured look. Even his posture seemed different in that moment.

Ana was starting to get confused, and she even elbowed me in the ribs. I couldn't read her mind but I imagined she was thinking something like, "Why is this idiot staring at me like a fool?"

From behind me, Seth uttered a quiet, "Oh, _no!_", and then it clicked into place.

I gasped in horror, then looked at Ana apologetically. She narrowed her eyes at me, waiting for an explanation that I was too scared to just give her.

"Liz, could you please tell me what the fuck is going on right now?" She looked back at Josh and snapped her fingers right in his face. "Would you stop looking at me like that?"

"He can't," Leah cut in since everyone else was being a pussy about it. "He just imprinted on you," she said easily. "Looks like man-whore has finally met his mate."

Ana froze in shock, then questioned me with her eyes. I nodded, and she looked almost sick. Finally, she narrowed her brows and stepped back about a foot to put some distance between her and Josh.

"Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me!" she suddenly yelled at Josh.

"You have a dirty mouth," he told her in return with his usual shit-eating grin, and it was really hard to not laugh at. "I like that in a woman."

"You have a dirty mind, from what I understand," she shot back. "And I _don't_ particularly like that in a man."

"You will soon, baby." He'd gained his cockiness back pretty quick.

"_Baby?_" She spat. "Do you think this is some cheesy seventies porn or something? I am a lady, and you will fucking treat me like one!"

I loved her attitude, and it was starting to make sense why Josh would need her to balance him out. She wasn't going to take any shit from him at all, and that would force him to start acting right. She'd make it clear from the get go that if he pissed her off, he was getting kicked to the curb. Well... that was if she ever actually let him come around her after tonight.

The odds didn't seem to be in his favor with this one.

"Stop staring at me like that!" she yelled again.

"I'm going to stare at you for the rest of my life, woman!" he exclaimed.

"You're an ass!" she huffed. "I am _not _trying to hang around with you."

Josh looked hurt, shifting his gaze down to his feet. I hooked my arm through Ana's and we left quietly, seeking out a sanctuary from the supernatural madness.

"I am so sorry..." I told her when we were far enough out to have some privacy. "That was the very last thing that I ever expected to happen."

I found a clear spot in some gravel and we sat down together. Then she busted out crying hysterically, and I had to wait until she could speak again.

"Why me?" she moaned dramatically. "You come here and find the love of your life, and I come here to possibly be stalked by the town's resident guy slut. That's so not fair!"

"He won't stalk you if you don't want him around... I think. But come on Ana Banana, you're looking at this all wrong!"

"This IS wrong! What part of having _that _guy want to mate with me for life is not wrong?"

"Maybe you'll grow to love him?" I was almost scared she would slap me or something. Not scared that it would hurt, but scared of how pissed off I would get if she actually did. It was a rare moment when Ana got this freaked out by anything, and her reactions always surprised me.

"No, no, no." She shook her head adamently. "I don't even want to get to know the guy. I'm still hung up on Vince, and Josh isn't even close to being my type." She wiped her face on the knee of her jeans. "God, can you imagine what Vince would think about all of this if he were still around?"

"I imagine he'd be a little upset about a giant Indian man falling head over heels with his girl after just one look."

She started laughing. "He'd probably try to beat him up or something. Guess it's a good thing we never came out before to visit you!" She squared her shoulders and got back up. "Do I have to be nice to him?"

I stood back up, too. "No, that's up to you. But if you ask me, I think that you should try... Just forget whatever I told you about him before and get to know him a little bit. You might be surprised."

"He _is _really sexy," she allowed. "So... what does this mean exactly? Is he going to chase me around like a cat in heat?"

"Probably," I giggled. "It's hard to tell though... I had a conversation with him awhile back about imprinting, and he seemed to hate the idea. He said that if he ever imprinted on someone that he was going to tie a rubber-band around his balls until they rotted off."

She shot me a look of disgust, and all I could say was, "Yeah... I think he's a commitment-phobe. Scared to death of being tied down and all that."

"So there's a chance he'll just leave me alone?" she asked hopefully.

"There's a chance that he'll try."

"Do you think that maybe if I did decide to like him a little, that he would change? Or should I not bother setting myself up for failure?"

I sighed. "You're going to have to figure that one out on your own, sweetheart."

"Figure what out?" Josh popped up out of the woods to the side of us.

Ana gasped. "You fucking asshole prick! You were spying on us!"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Just for that last little bit. So... you think you might decide to like me any time soon, or will I be on some sort of waiting list?"

"Waiting list?" Ana and I both asked.

"You've got to be married or something."

"Uhh, no," Ana said, unsure of why he would think that.

"Engaged?"

She crossed her arms. "No."

"Boyfriend?" You could hear the hopefulness in his voice.

She cocked her eyebrow. "None that are living."

He looked upset. "That hurts you, doesn't it?"

"My boyfriend died and you're asking me if it hurts?"

"I'm sorry," he said quickly. It reminded me of when I first started hanging out with Seth, when every other word from him was an apology. "I don't know the situation, I just... I'm really not used to feeling this way. It hurts me, too."

I was shocked to see Ana beginning to let her guard down for him. "That's okay. I just still think about him... Well, all the time. Can you really feel what I'm feeling?"

"Not as much as you do, but some of it. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not particularly, I'm attempting to move forward."

Josh took a couple of steps and hugged Ana, patting her on the back in a friendly way. "I can feel that you want a hug," he told her happily. She seemed taken aback for a moment, but then she lifted one arm and hung it across his back. Then she kind of melted into his embrace.

I was feeling alot like a third wheel, so I snuck away from them and their special moment. I couldn't believe that Josh had imprinted at all, especially on my best friend. I kind of felt sorry for her, because I knew they would end up together at some point and he didn't deserve her, even if they turned out to be right for eachother. Not because of his past, but because Ana was way cooler than he was. Then again, I didn't consider any man to be worth her attentions, so maybe my opinion was biased.

Everyone stared or shot me awkward glances when I returned. I didn't see Seth, so I sat down beside of Leah instead.

"I feel so bad for your friend," she said. "That's like a nightmare of mine, being stuck with that dude."

"I think she might like him," I shrugged. "But if he hurts her, I'm going to hurt him right back."

"You know what? I'll hurt him for you," she said with a smile. I smiled back, glad that she had answered the question of how I would actually manage to hurt an indestructable sub-human.

Over the next hour or so, my stomach started aching and progressively got worse. I started freezing even though it was at least seventy degress today, and my muscles began to feel sore. I knew it wasn't some outside source; it had been awhile since I had been sick, so I guess I was due for it.

I was sitting by Emily, so I asked her to feel my head and let me know if she thought I had a fever. She said I was burning up, and Seth immediately offered to drive me home. Ana was still somewhere with Josh, so I sat in the car while Seth went to find them.

Darrell had been calling me and sending me texts pretty much non-stop since I left, and I'd ignored them all. I didn't mean to be hateful towards him, but having him in my life at all seemed to complicate everything in a bad way. I felt kind of bad, so I finally looked at my phone and read through some of the messages he had sent.

I jumped when Seth got into the car, but refrained from putting my phone away - that would make me look guilty. I wasn't sure if I should, but I felt wrong for even looking at Darrell's words of misery and broken heartedness over me when I was in a serious relationship with Seth. It wasn't that I thought he would get mad about it; all I was doing was seeing what had been sent to my own phone. But I felt guilty for it, so I didn't want him to know.

That was wrong of me... I was trying to be as open and honest as I could this time around.

"Ana says she'll be home later," he said as he buckled his seatbelt and turned the key in the ignition.

I kind of laughed, though I was feeling so sick it couldn't come out right. "Baby?... Would you care if I still talked to D?"

"Why, have you?"

"No. I've been ignoring him, but I just read some of the stuff he sent to me. He's sad."

He glanced at me from the corner of his eye, his eyebrow cocked up. "Of course he's sad. He lost the best thing that's ever going to happen to him. Do you want to talk to him?"

I actually had to stop and think. "I don't know. The guilty feeling part of me does... I hate hurting people, especially ones that I really care about. But I kind of don't. I can't really see him remaining a part of my life, not with all the wierd mixed up pasts and emotions and shit." I reclined my seat and wrapped my arms around my shoulders for some warmth. "It's like I want to try to make him feel better, but I can't. What would I even say to him at this point?"

"Can I ask you something?"

I nodded, shivering.

"That day you went to his house and told him you weren't going to be with him again... Were you lying when you said you had already made that decision? Or did you choose me when you saw that girl?"

I was getting more sick by the second. "I wasn't lying Seth. I promise," I panted. "I'm going to puke."

He stopped the car, and when I looked out the window I was surprised to see we were already home. It was less than a second before he had me out of the car and in his arms.

I grabbed one of the arms underneath me. "Down, now," I said. I wasn't trying to be rude, but I thought it would be more rude to vomit all over him. I crouched down as he held my hair back and even wrapped it up into a pony-tail holder for me, and then I released all of the contents of my stomach on the grass.

I was not tough at all when I was really sick... I cried and moaned and groaned my way through it, just like I had when I was little. I was lucky enough to be very healthy, especially when one considered everything that I put my body through, but when it hit me it hit me so hard that I wanted to curl up and die.

When I figured I was finished, Seth picked me back up and carried me all the way to my bed where he tucked me in. He put a trash can on the floor near my head, got me a bottle of water, grabbed me some extra blankets from the linen closet, and then found some cozy pajamas and helped me into them.

"Need anything else?" he asked as he stroked my face from forehead to cheek, kissing me on the tip of my nose.

I shimmied back under my covers and lifted the corner of the other side for him to climb in. "I can't get you sick, can I?"

"I highly doubt it... I can't even remember the last time I had a cold."

I yawned as he crawled towards the top of the bed. "Will you just lay here with me for a little bit? It'll help me sweat so I can break this fever."

He molded his body against my backside and wrapped an arm over my middle as he kissed the back of my neck. "You know I will, baby. Try to get some rest, I'm not going anywhere." I was drifting off as he added, "And you can talk to whoever you want... You don't have to clear it with me."

It was dark when I woke up drenched in sweat, though I didn't feel any better - if anything, I felt worse. The ache in every muscle I possessed had reached a drastic level. I accidentally woke Seth up when I tried to get out of the bed, so he tugged me gently back down into a laying position and got some pain medicine and my water for me.

I'd like to blame the conversation that followed on a fevered delirium, but I knew better... Something just happened to strike me in that moment. I was ready to really let Seth in; I was ready to reveal some of the hidden parts of myself to him. I knew that he wanted to know everything about me, the good and the bad. This was the first time I had considered that he may actually be able to handle it and not see me in a way that I didn't want to be seen, especially by him.

So I asked the million dollar question. "What has Edward told you about what he's seen in my head?"

He met my gaze with an unidentifiable something darkening his eyes and then sighed. "I've tried to forget those things."

"Any luck with that?"

"No..."

"Why haven't you said anything?"

"It's not my place to ask you about something you didn't tell me about on your own, something that was taken straight out of your head. And really, Liz, what would I say? I can't tell you... I can't just say to you that I feel sorry for you, because I know it's so much harder for you to be vulnerable than to be tough. I would like to know the story, but I don't want to push you when I believe you'll tell me what you want me to know when you're ready."

He leaned back in the bed again and pulled my head up onto his chest, wrapping his arms around me for comfort. "You don't have to tell me anything that you don't want to."

"I want you to know who I am."

"I know exactly who you are, Liz. That's not who you are... That's something bad that happened to you."

"It's a part of me, part of why I am the way that I am." I wanted to have this conversation, but I was having a hard time figuring out how to say what needed said. None of it was pretty, and remembering things that I'd locked up so tightly inside of myself was like picking off old scabs that had never healed properly.

"Who was he?"

He really _did _know me; he'd never push if I didn't want to tell, but he would push when I just didn't know how to. "He was my step-uncle... My baby-sitter when I was growing up. My father was long gone and Mom had to work, so that's who I got stuck with."

"How old were you when it started?"

I couldn't look at him while we talked about this; I kept my face tucked into his chest and played with his hand. "I don't remember exactly..." Things flashed through my mind like a sick slideshow. "Five, maybe?"

I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly as tears welled up in my eyes. "It wasn't much at first... I would fall asleep there and wake up and notice that my pants were unbuttoned, or I would wake up because he was there kissing me or... touching."

He clutched me closer when the word left my mouth, and it seemed that his temperature had risen. His breathing was even, but I could hear him working to keep it that way.

"I never said anything, and it kept getting worse over the years. He would do so many things to me... and he would make me do things to him, too. I guess I don't have to tell you how far he took it," I finished in a tiny voice.

"Did you ever tell?"

"I told my mom when I was about fourteen, right after he..." I still couldn't force the word out of my mouth, though it was screaming itself inside of my brain. "But she didn't believe me, or didn't want to bad enough to ignore it."

Something made a snapping noise, and I saw what had been a miniature sculpture of a fairy crumbled into dust in Seth's free hand.

"So I ignored it with her - He was gone by then, the only time I had to see him was during the holidays when my family got together and I never had to be alone with him. But the reason he wasn't around anymore was because he'd found a woman to take him in. A woman with two young kids. I should have warned her, but I was so scared..."

I was bawling now, chewing on my lip to try to keep some of it in. Seth rubbed my back, trying to comfort me even though he seemed to need a little comfort himself.

"He hurt those little kids like he had me, but they were strong enough to tell on him. He went to prison right after a short trial..."

"You told someone else," he continued for me, forcing the emotion out of his voice. He was trying to connect the dots with the small amount of information he already had. "Who was it that helped you?"

I swallowed a lump in my throat. "Darrell."

"But you didn't want him to?"

I laughed menacingly. "I don't particularly enjoy being the reason for someone's torture and eventual untimely end."

"How did he do it?"

"All he did was tell some of his friends that were in the same prison what my uncle was really in there for. I'm sure I don't have to tell you what happens to pedophiles in lockup when they're found out..."

He breathed what seemed to be a sigh of relief. "I never thought I would say this, but I'm so glad you had Darrell around. If that scum was still alive, I would - "

"I know." I shifted so that I could see his face again. "I know you would, but he's gone and it's not a problem anymore. I feel guilty about causing him to be gone, but he would have gotten out and I know he would have hurt someone else. Someone that was too small and too weak to fight him."

"Don't feel guilty. He deserved alot worse than he got."

I sighed and got up, going over to my large closet. I got on my knees and crawled to the back, shoving random things until I found what I was looking for. I came back out with a shoebox in hand and tossed it over to Seth. He opened it up and gaped at me.

"You kept these things?" he asked in disbelief, holding up a letter and a birthday card, both from the person who had single-handedly stolen my innocence away.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Everyone deals with things in different ways."

"Fireplace?" He asked as he closed the lid again. I nodded, and we went together. I sat in the floor and clicked the fire on, and Seth helped me wrap myself up like a burrito as I removed the first item in the box. I tossed it into the fire and watched as the flames curled around the paper, consuming it whole in just seconds. I had thought that I would want to take my time and look through these items, but I realized all that I really needed was for all of these things to be gone forever. I closed the box again and threw the whole thing inside, then laid back and watched it all burn.

I couldn't believe I had had the courage to tell Seth that particular story, but I was glad that I had. It was something that still affected me, no matter how far I'd come, and having the ability to communicate it to him showed me how truly ready I was to be with him. Since I'd been home, I was struck with the knowledge that though he had hurt me, he hadn't broken my trust - He couldn't, because my trust was something I had never given to him to break. Before everything got messy between us, I had fallen for him but had remained too guarded to give him much of my heart. The things that he had done wrong were more pronounced, more blatant where as my mistakes were subtle. From an outside perspective, I really hadn't done anything wrong. But from the inside of our relationship, I had to recognize the fact that I had always held him at arm's length instead of opening up. He was worth more than that to me... I needed to give him myself, my thoughts and my feelings so that we could build the things that made a relationship easy, like trust and loyalty.

We were already getting better.

The grip on me tightened, a show that he could feel just what I was, and then he said the most beautiful and perfect thing.

"If you want a lover, I'll do anything you ask me to... And if you want another kind of love, I'll wear a mask for you."

It was Leonard Cohen. I started turning around to look at him, and I gaped as he started to laugh a little through his words.

"If you want a partner, take my hand, or if you want to strike me down in anger, here I stand... I'm your man." He leaned forward and kissed my open mouth. "I learned how to play it. I learned how to play alot while you were gone," he chuckled again. "This place is harder to break into than most."

"I thought things looked different than I'd left them," I teased.

"Do you want me to play it for you?"

I nodded my head in excitement. He got the guitar and played the whole song for me, and it was wonderful and powerful. His voice weaved through his guitar in swells of color, words of love... He carried me away on a lullaby.

The next time I woke up, it was because - and I wish I were joking about this - Ana was crawling on me. She was _on top _of me, pinning me down. My eyes shot open and there she was, smiling like a jackass just inches above my face.

"Hey!" she said to me in a loud whisper when she knew I was awake.

"Ana! What the fuck!"

"Shhh!" she giggled. "You're going to wake up Seth!"

I freed my arms from beneath her and my blankets to push at her shoulders. "Get off of me!" I whisper-yelled. She backed up and got to her feet, then waited for me to come with her. I huffed as I got out of bed, throwing my blankets aside dramatically. We left the room and I shut the door behind me.

She tugged me down the hall to her room, but I still caught a glimpse of Josh sitting patiently on my couch. That made me forgive her for waking me up in the most irritating way possible. She sat me down on her bed, got her stereo out of a box, plugged it in and set it outside of her door blaring White Zombie before she came and sat beside of me.

"Will that work?" she asked, still cheesing.

"I don't know," I told her with a smile. "And you are so fucking drunk!" I accused, laughing my ass off.

She tried to look surprised and couldn't totally pull it off. She grabbed a pillow and hid her face in it for a few seconds. "Okay," she said as she came up for air and tried to collect herself. "I was nervous, I had to do something! Don't make me get all defensive!"

She lowered her voice. "I need your help."

I sat up a little. "Lay it on me."

"I am drunk."

I raised my eyebrows at her.

"I am also... _very _horny," she said with a sigh. "I don't want to do anything stupid... But then I can't figure out if it's stupid. I mean, I would never get with a guy the first night, except..." She looked around like she thought the room may be bugged and leaned closer to whisper in my ear, "What if this imprint thing really is foolproof? All the others seem to think it is."

I thought for a moment. "You know what? I love you, so I'm not going to let you bet that it is," I finally said, and she frowned at me. "I am also not going to let you fuck him in here when I can hear it in there, especially since I've known Seth for way longer and I'm not getting any booty."

That made her smile.

"And Ana, seriously? Make him get an HIV test before you do that with him," I whispered, because I really wasn't joking. "Have you two already messed around?"

"No, no," she shook her head. "He tried to kiss me earlier," she said as she started to laugh again, "And I leaned so far away from him that I started to fall over. He fucking caught me, and then he went for it again!" She hid behind her pillow again. "I had to yell at him to stop!"

She stood up and pulled me with her. "Will you tell him to go home?"

"Gladly," I smiled.

I thought she was coming with me, but she pecked me on the cheek and said she hoped I felt better in the morning, then shut the door after I was through it. I went into the living room and said, "Josh, Ana is going to bed. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here."

He got up and started backing towards the door. "Will you tell her that I said good night? And will you give her my number?"

"Yep, will do."

"And tell her I need to see her again soon..." he said, all swoony.

"Okay. Later." I reached around him and pulled the door open, then pushed him out of it.

I spent the next couple of days being sick still, but Ana and Seth took turns nursing me. They knew they didn't have to, and it made me feel so much gratitude towards them both for doing it anyways. They were making this flu about a million times easier than it would have been otherwise.

Once I was back to myself, I was in desperate need of a trip outside of the house. Ana needed me to take her to drop off some applications, and afterwards I treated her to a shopping trip at the Seattle mall. She tried to not let me get her anything, then tried to talk me out of getting her so much. She swore she would pay me back for all of it once she was on her feet, but I wouldn't accept money from her. I had enough to be able to blow some on her, and she was trying to start over in a new place - How was she supposed to feel renewed without getting a great wardrobe? My only stipulations were that I get to pick a few of the pieces for her, and that she put everything to good use.

We were on the top floor sharing a small pizza and slurping blue slushies when Danny and Suzanne approached us.

"Liz!" Suzanne called before I noticed them.

"Hey, guys!" I got up and hugged them both, and Ana rose to grip Danny up. "Hey Ana, this is Dan's girl Suzanne, and this is my bestie Ana," I introduced them to eachother. They shook hands and chatted about how Ana and Daniel went way back. I turned to Danny and studied him for a moment. "You look much better than the last time I saw you."

"I've been doing alot better," he replied with a smile. He glanced down at his and Suzy's interjoined hands. "_We _have been doing alot better, and we owe a big part of that to you."

"Did Liz tell you about saving my life?" Suzanne asked Ana. She told her the story, and then thanked me again.

We invited them to sit down and eat with us, but they were already on their way out when they spotted us. We hugged again and said goodbye, just after Ana exchanged numbers with them and they told us we should come out two weekends from now to see a Dax show with them. I told them I wouldn't be skipping that offer for the world, and then they took off. Ana and I grubbed down our last remaining slices of pie and left for home ourselves.

As we were exiting the parking garage, we started up the conversation we'd been waiting to have.

"I've been talking to Josh on the phone," she announced. "He wants to take me to a carnival tomorrow night."

"That's cool." I loved carnivals. I used to dream about following around carnivals, that and joining the circus.

"I haven't told him yes yet. I was wondering if maybe you and Seth would go with?"

"We're going to the beach tomorrow morning, but I'll have to ask him if he's free. Either way, I'm in. If he doesn't go then I'll just wander around and ride everything by myself while you guys do the date thing."

"Screw that. If Seth's not free then I'll tell Josh no and me and you will go together," she replied with a laugh.

I nodded once. "Sounds like a plan. So do you think you might like him at all?"

She shrugged. "He's alright. He's sweet and seems like he's pretty cool... I can't decide if I like him better in person or on the phone. When I'm around him, I kind of fantasize about... you know..." She had this look of mischief on her face when I glanced over at her.

"What, jumping him?"

"Yeah, but not in a normal way. I've never really been attracted to a big guy before, and something about his, uh, physique makes me want to fuck him and beat him up at the same time!"

I busted out laughing. "He might be into that."

"So that's nice in a way, but bad in other ways. On the phone, it just removes that complication." She smiled shyly at me. "He says the sweetest things _ever_ to me, Liz. I talked to him last night and told him I couldn't sleep, so he told me to lay down and close my eyes and imagine he was laying there with me, just holding my hand and playing with my hair..." Her voice was serene. "You'd have to have heard it to know what I mean, but he talked me to sleep. I can't help but to like him a little."

"As long as he treats you right, and there's really a chance that he will, I think having him could be a good thing for you. You deserve a guy that's going to worship you, and it seems this imprint thing implies that."

"I'm just going to go with the flow. How are you and Seth doing? Seems like everything is good."

"It is, we've been getting closer. The only thing that I dislike at all about us is the fact that we're not fucking eachother's brains out," I finished with a laugh.

"How long do you think you'll be able to handle it?"

"As long as I need to," I shrugged. "I actually agree with Seth and think we should wait, even if we have done it before. This is like a fresh start for us and we need to do things right this time."

"How long before he breaks?"

"He won't, this was his idea! I doubt it's driving him as crazy as it is me. I guess I'm just going to be spending alot more nights with my vibrator."

"Me too, sweetheart. Me too."


	55. I'm Drunk Again

**Chapter Fifty Five - I'm Drunk Again**

I actually did end up spending the night with my battery operated boyfriend.

Seth had to patrol so I was alone, and I was so worked up that it only took about three minutes to finish and fall asleep. I woke up early after a naughty dream that went along the lines of what Ana was talking about wanting to do with Josh, only it was Seth and I - there were even costumes. That led to another round with my little toy, which I followed with a shower, and then we had one more go at it before I left to meet up with my man. I had actually made myself late.

I had on a white with gold polka-dots bikini with a colorful, psychedelic looking sundress over top of it. I had my hair up and a little makeup on, because I was planning on having a picnic with Seth and laying out; if I got into the ocean at all, I wasn't getting my face and hair in that cold mess.

He looked _so _fucking hot in long, low-riding board shorts when I spotted him. His eyes snapped over to me long before he should have even heard me, and he smiled divinely as he jogged over to take the heavy basket hanging from my arm.

He kissed me, just a simple peck at first. He inhaled while he was close to me, and he was pulling me close and gripping my hair and then rubbing my back with his free hand. He pulled away, looking intense for just a second before his face relaxed into a smile again.

"You smell... _interesting, _dear." His smile grew and his eyebrows raised.

I could feel my face redden as we both started walking towards our favorite pieces of driftwood.

"I have to say, I'm sorry that I missed being around for that," he went on.

"That's your own fault," I pointed out.

"Maybe we could bend the rules a little some time..."

I paused in my steps. "Are you serious?"

"Maybe we can do some things, and just not actually have sex. Maybe. I'd have to be sure that I even _could _do certain things without having sex." We started walking again as we both pondered our lusty futures.

"Don't let me pressure you about that at all. I wouldn't have agreed to it if I couldn't take it seriously, but I'm sure you didn't expect me to not take care of myself."

"I figured you would and that's totally fine with me, I just didn't realize how much that smell turns me on." He licked his lips and said, "It taps into my animal side."

I nodded my head. "I think I can relate to that." We spread out some big beach towels and sat down to empty and then eat the two baskets full of food we'd brought with us. "Ana was wanting to know if we would go to a carnival with her and Josh tonight," I fished as I popped a strawberry most of the way into my mouth.

"You love carnivals," he answered with a smile. "I'll win you a giant teddy bear or something."

I loaded a paper plate with huge servings of my homemade fried chicken, mashed potatoes, macaroni salad and biscuits and handed it to Seth. I had been trying to cook for him more because I liked to cook, I was good at it, and he was so appreciative of a good meal. It made me feel more wife-ish to me, and maybe to him too. He tore into the chicken with his hands and looked like he was having a mouth-gasm, then shoved spoonfuls of the potatoes and the macaroni salad into his mouth all at once. I made my own plate up as he devoured his.

He finally stopped to breathe for a moment. "This is incredible, baby! This is the best chicken, and the best potatoes I have ever had in my entire life," he swore. "It's like heaven happening inside of my mouth. I hope you brought plenty," he finished very seriously.

"I'll be full after this one plate, and then you have all of this to finish off." I motioned towards the KFC sized bucket.

He kept praising the meal I'd prepared as we ate and chattered happily. I finished before he did and lounged out in the sun, removing my dress after a few minutes. I slathered my body in some SPF, put my white Gucci sunglasses on and got comfy. Seth hurried through almost every bit of the food and came to lay out with me.

"Baby?" he said after a long stretch of silence. "I don't want to bring up anything that might upset you, but I have to thank you for opening up so much to me lately, especially yesterday. I can see how hard you're trying now."

I gripped his hand in mine. "Thank you for thanking me," I half joked. "I love you, Seth. I see where I messed up before, and I'm going to do better. I want to have the relationship with you that our feelings towards eachother deserve, if that makes any sense."

"You don't want to sell our love short," he simplified. "That's basically what I've been thinking." He stroked the back of my hand with his thumb. "I'm glad we're on the same page these days."

I giggled. "Yeah, it's wierd to me. I didn't expect things to be this easy this soon, but I think this was how it was supposed to be in the first place. We had all the right ingredients to make something amazing, we just measured them wrong or left some out."

His tone went serious. "Liz... How will I know when you're ready to be engaged and start planning our future? I _know _you want a future with me now."

I nodded my head. "I do, but I need to work on myself before we take the next step. When I'm sure that I'm ready, I'll find some way to let you know."

He flipped me on to him in an instant, putting me in a straddle. "I think I can live with that," he smiled.

I leaned forward until our lips met, warm and soft and tender. I couldn't help but to tease him just a little with my mouth, my body. Moments like these were intense, but I had recently learned to appreciate getting the build up without having the release - It wasn't like I was missing out on anything, not when I stopped to consider how often I would be getting it in the future. This way we got to drag it all out, appreciate the slow burn for one another in our souls.

We relaxed for an hour or more, then splashed around in the tide before packing up and heading home. Ana was there, and she actually jumped up and down when I told her we would go on her double date tonight. I rinsed off the bottom half of me - the part that had salt water touch it - and then searched through my closet for a fun outfit that would be easy to wear on rides. I chose a long sleeved black shirt with a multi neon colored t-shirt of Bob Marley with short shorts and high, strappy sandals. I put glitter on my eyelids since carnivals were about thrills and indulgence, and then I helped Ana finish getting herself ready. She was looking particularly hot tonight: She had on plum leggings with black ankle boots and a black sequined tank top. Her hair was in long, thick waves and I braided a few tiny sections for her as she did mine. I looked her over and disappeared for a second, then came back with big hoop earrings with stars cut all over them.

Josh showed up as soon as the second one was through her lobe, making me wonder if maybe he'd been near enough to hear her. No one had that good of timing.

Ana's face lit up as Seth answered the door for him. We had a little giddy girly moment and then sauntered into the living room to meet our men. It almost surprised me the way that Ana and Josh looked together; anyone would guess they were a newer couple that had just fallen head over heels. It was all in the way that their eyes met, excited and timid still. He went for a hug and she let him, but just for a moment. They were both nervous.

"Liz... Can we stop at the gas station on the way?" Ana asked.

"Yeah, of course."

We arrived at the fair, and Ana and I almost fell out of the back seat together. She told me in the store that she was anxious and wanted some beer, so we got five Colt 45's and drank them all on the way.

We were wasted, and we couldn't stop laughing at eachother. The sun was just going down as we paid for tickets and entered the huge area that was pouring with people and smells and screams and flashing lights. I pointed at a ride to Ana and said, "You're totally going to puke tonight!"

"Nuh-uh. I took Dramamine."

"And then drank one hundred ounces of cheap malt liquor," I reminded her, and she started laughing again.

"You're probably right," she managed to say as she was doubled over. "Why in the hell did we get that many of them?"

"That was your idea, too!" I accused.

Seth and Josh had just been idly standing by us until then. They took a sort of divide-and-conquer strategy, pulling Ana in one direction and me in the other.

"Bye, sweetie!" She waved to me over Josh's shoulder, though all I could see was her hand. She was going to have to live in heels while she was with him.

Seth seemed satisfied when they were gone. "You're not going to puke, are you?" he teased.

I started to say no, then giggled. "I sure hope not."

He started leading me around, trying to get me to pick the first ride we got on. I found the Ring of Fire and gave him a look before I grabbed his hand and made a run for the line. It was lucky that I'd taken his hand; I almost fell over my own feet along the way, but he was right there to catch me and he even tried not to laugh.

We got in the seats beside of one another and buckled up. Seth looked uncomfortable, all bunched inside of the tiny space, but I was bouncing around and swinging my feet. They started the ride and it was slowly rocking up one side of the circular track and then around the other, building, building... As soon as it sped up and made it's first loop, I let our a hair-curling scream that went on and on. When I would stop to breathe, I could hear Seth cracking up at me, and then I would start screaming again.

I felt a little like Jell-o when I got back on my feet, but after a few more rides I got used to it. After we'd gotten most of them out of the way, he led me over to a game - I could tell he'd picked that particular one based off of the very wide variety of giant stuffed animals. It was supposed to be a harder game; it was probably even rigged.

Seth paid the carnie and took his five playing rings in one hand. He tossed them, one right after the other, and made every single ring around a bottle neck.

"Hot damn!" The guy running the game exclaimed excitedly. It was kind of funny to watch - It seemed that he couldn't decide what to keep his eyes on, me or the completed game. Seth pointed at a huge teddy bear and the guy handed it down to him. As that exchange took place, the tickets in my hand slipped from my fingers and the wind began to carry them away.

Seth put the bear in my arms and sprinted after them, dodging through the crowd. As soon as he was a few feet away, the gross carnie dude started trying to hit on me.

"That your man?" he asked, leaning close enough to me that I could smell his body odor. I took a step away and nodded. "He live with you?"

I didn't even know what the answer to that question was, and I didn't want to tell him either way. I just held tight to my bear and looked around, wishing Seth would hurry back to me. I couldn't really walk away from this area until he got back, or we would never be able to find eachother again. He didn't even have a phone on him.

"Why don't you write down your number for me, sugar. I'm only in town for the next week, and you could make that the best week of my life." He winked at me as he slid a napkin and a pen towards me.

Why was I such a sleazeball magnet? And why did these disgusting guys assume that I would just jump in the sack with them? All I could do was stare at him, utterly fucking astonished.

"You sure are pretty," he went on as he looked me up and down, somehow making me feel dirty. "Sexy little badass chick. I'm so into that... Are you a natural blonde?"

Though he got no response, he kept on eyeing me and talking out of his ass. Or his dick, in this case.

"You're fucking hot. I swear, I'll give you a ride you'll never forget. I bet you're so tight... I'll tear that shit up!"

"Shut the fuck up, you Mickey Rourke wannabe!" I finally boiled over. "You saw that I have a boyfriend, and even if I was single I would rather eat old crusty dog shit than have you even look at me!"

He actually did stop looking at me - his gaze shifted above and behind my head, and he looked a little scared.

Seth's arm went over my shoulders. "This guy giving you a problem, baby?"

I turned towards him and smiled. "Not anymore, he's just a stupid prick."

He looked over my head at the scummy man, and his expression was downright terrifying. "You ever disrespect my girl again, I'll bend you over and rape you in the ass. I'm sure you've been to prison and are used to that kind of thing, but I'm big and I won't be gentle." He pointed a finger at the guy as he locked his other hand around mine. "You remember that," he finished. We walked away after that, and I was having another round of gut-busting giggles.

We went straight to the ferris wheel. The people were getting off of it and the line was small, so we were sitting in our own little bucket in just a few minutes. As soon as the next bucket came down and got filled up, he straight up fucking mouth raped me - Not that I was complaining.

The intensity of the way he was moving his lips on mine was almost overwhelming - still not in a bad way - and I figured he was just reacting to having some other guy flirting with me. He disconnected our faces, disappointing me terribly until his teeth found my neck and bit down hard.

He usually wasn't much of a biter. "Seth, what the hell?" I asked, surprised.

"Marking my territory," he replied with a satisfied smirk.

And then he kissed me again, causing me to forget that we were like, more than a hundred feet up in the air. He grasped my hair at the roots, holding me right where he wanted me. His other hand had been gripping forcefully at my shoulder, and he slowly started trailing down, down, down...

"Oh!" It came out as a shocked moan. He had his hand over the little bit of denim that was covering my area, rubbing me with his fingers.

He leaned in and nipped my earlobe as he pushed the fabric aside enough to let his fingers slide through... He found my clit like he had some kind of sex detector. "Remember what I said earlier, baby? We can still do some things," he breathed into my ear.

I barely heard him; The movement of his fingers on me was more than enough distraction required to block the entire universe out.

He started placing wet, hot kisses down my neck as I moved my hips to have more of him. I was already to the point of having my eyes shut and moaning, and fuck anybody that heard and had a problem with it.

"Like that, baby?"

"Oh hell yes," I managed between panting and moaning.

"Right... there?"

"Mmm, yeah baby, right there."

He was halfway on top of me, and the people walking around below us could definitely see. And hear. Especially when we would reach the bottom of the wheel. He kept kissing and touching me just right, building up the most exquisite tension inside of me.

"Liz, you are so fucking sexy," he was whispering as he moved his finger faster and actually stuck one into me, making me release the loudest moan that these fairgrounds had ever witnessed.

He growled in response, and it was music to my ears. "God damn, I can't wait 'til I'm allowed to have you again..."

If my mouth was working at all, I would have told him that he could have me any time, any place. Hell, I'd fuck him right here if he kept making me feel this incredible.

I was grinding against his hand when he said, "Come for me, Liz. I want to see it." He gave my happy place a little pinch, and I fucking exploded. Or imploded, maybe. I _screamed _his name as my hips bucked and jerked, and his lips crashed against mine once again. Once he released me, he sat us both upright and my head fell against his shoulder lazily.

I couldn't believe how awesome that was. It had been a long time since I'd had the pleasure of a man, and an even longer time since I'd had the extreme pleasure of this particular man. It wasn't as great as getting to have real sex with him, but at least he'd finally given me some much needed release... Masturbation just didn't quite compare.

I came down as much as was possible and looked up at the face that I loved; He had the biggest smile in the world plastered on his face.

"Proud of yourself?" I teased.

"Oh, definitely," he replied with raised brows. "But more than that, I just have this great big appreciation for the way you look when you're getting off. It's fucking phenomenal."

"And what way do I look?" I was genuinely curious.

He tried to stop smiling, scrunched his face up and made his mouth into an O shape. My eyes got wide, and then I started laughing at him.

"Really? You find _that_ attractive?"

He chuckled along with me. "Maybe I'm not doing it right," he allowed. "Because when you do it..." His eyes shifted downwards, stopping on the very big wood he was sporting.

"Well... You definitely have more self control than I'm capable of," I said with my eyes still on his bulging pants.

"How's that? I think you're exercising alot of control."

"That's only because if I see that part of you uncovered, I'm not going to be just using my hands."

He took a very long, deep breath as the ride stopped and people began to climb out when their turn came. He adjusted himself so that the whole world wouldn't have his hard dick in their faces, and then we descended back to the ground ourselves.

"You want to grab something to eat? If I keep thinking about the last thing you said, I'm going to do something bad."

"Something bad, or something naughty?"

"Liz," he pleaded.

"Okay," I giggled. "I'll stop teasing you. For now."

He slapped my ass and threw his arm across my back as we strolled along happily. I happened to look to my right and I spotted Ana and Josh, just as Ana was puking her guts out.

"Oh, shit!" I tried not to, but I was still buzzed from all of that beer. I gaped at Josh as she heaved again. "She alright?"

Ana nodded yes, though she didn't look very alright. I guess nobody really did when they were doubled over, spilling out the contents of their stomach. She looked like she was done, and she had to take a few moments to right herself.

"Let's go get you some napkins," I said, putting my arm around her. "Was it the beer or the ride?"

"Both. Do you have a hair thing?"

I gave her the one around my wrist. "Think you can eat anything?"

She wiped the sheen from her face and put her hair up into a messy bun. "Yeah, I think it might help a little."

We found a place with hot dogs and funnel cakes and loaded ourselves up with fried carnival yumminess. Ana was better already, and I had fun chilling with everybody while we ate, even Josh. I had to give him some credit; he was really good to Ana, and she seemed to be getting happier every day. As long as he kept treating her the way that he had so far, they could have something that was absolutely priceless.

Right on cue, some blonde girl with fake nails, tan, and tits showed up. She looked like a fucking cheap hooker with a snotty attitude, and everyone immediately got quiet to see why she was standing by our table.

She smiled at Josh, and Ana tugged the holder from her hair and smoothed her long locks down.

"Hey, sweetheart." She had the audacity to wink at him as she popped her bubblegum around in her mouth.

Josh looked like he wanted to jump up and run away. He kept darting his eyes around for an exit, and he even started shaking a little bit.

"Hi," Ana said innocently. "What's your name, hun?"

"Allie," she replied, her voice dripping with snob. "And you are?"

"I'm Ana, and this is Liz and Seth. I'm assuming you already know my boyfriend." She sounded so self assured, and it made her much more intimidating than if she would have responded in anger.

Josh snapped out of whatever he'd just been struggling with and looked at Ana with wide eyes. A blinding smile spread across his features, and he must have forgotten about this Allie chick because he suddenly pulled Ana close and laid a big french one on her.

Seth and I exchanged a glance at one another, and then we both stared at the intruder. She actually waited where she was - impatiently, since she was tapping her foot with her arms crossed - for a minute or two before she huffed and stomped away like the cunt that she surely was.

Ana cut the makeout session short, pulling her face back to laugh. Josh leaned his forehead against hers, breathing heavily. It had only taken her a couple of minutes to get him that worked up. She was glowing with pride when she peeked over at me and smiled.

"Good job, Miss Thang," I told her.

She winked in return.

"Wait. Did you mean that? Am I your boyfriend?" Josh was scared again, his emotions taking him on their own little roller coaster. I was interested to hear her answer myself.

"Of course you are, silly! You said you were mine the second you met me," she replied coolly.

He quirked an eyebrow in confusion. "But... You're my girlfriend now. Right?"

She shrugged her shoulders in a gesture of nonchalance, but I could see through her - She was lit up like a sparkley sparkler.

Josh jumped up from the bench of our picnic table, hands fisted and headed north. Before he got to get too excited, Ana grabbed the waist of his pants and yanked him back down.

"Don't get so excited. I'm not your girlfriend, but we are... dating. I make the rules in this relationship. I've never been anyone's bitch before, no way am I starting now."

Ha!

"You got it, babe. I'll be your bitch if I have to."

Ana softened like butter on a hot day and started kissing him again. They were kind of cute... They were changing eachother. Ana was more confident, probably feeding from Josh's excess of cockiness, and Josh was nicer. It was so different to see that he had a vulnerable side. Guess I had found his only weakness.

"Think we should go ahead and leave? I already rode everything I wanted to." I didn't realize the double-meaning until I'd already said it.

Ana disentangled herself and got up. "I'm with you. I don't think my stomach can handle anymore."

We were already close to the exit, so we were back on the road in just minutes. Seth was driving now but he was just dropping Josh off and then driving to his own home. He would probably be there tonight, curled up on my couch or bed once he'd finished running his patrol.

I couldn't stop thinking about what he'd done earlier on that ferris wheel, how thrilling and fucking amazing it had been. I got an idea after Josh was home and we were on our way to Seth's house, but I kept my mouth shut for a bit until I was alone with Ana and behind the wheel of my car.

I had seen the place that I had in mind a few days ago; it was in the same building as a head shop I had went in search of. I remembered how to get there, and I didn't warn Ana.

"Is this the way home?" Her eyes roamed through our surroundings.

"Nope. We're going shopping."

"It's midnight, Liz. I doubt any stores are open."

"This one is, trust me." I turned the CD player on - Black Label Society started playing. "You know who is seriously hot?"

"Zakk Wylde," she replied, guessing correctly.

I giggled. "How'd you know I thought that?"

"You used to have a poster of him hanging on your wall, and I think he's fucking hot too." She started laughing. "We are the most dirty minded girls..."

"No we're not, we're just more open about it. We're around dudes all the time!" I shot her a look. "We have both become one of the guys," I told her solemnly as I turned into the parking lot.

Ana read the sign to her left and started cackling at me. "Well, hell yeah!"

We got out of the car and went into the adult superstore, then started with the first wall of toys and videos. There was a huge dildo sitting out on display, and Ana picked it up and wagged it at me.

"Who would want one this big?" she asked, her eyes wide. "You'd never be able to fit it in your mouth."

"Why would you put it in your mouth?"

She sighed and rolled her eyes at me, changing her stance. "I meant if it was real, Liz."

I took the dildo out of her hand and examined it more. "How big is too big for you?" I asked with an edge to my voice.

She looked from the dildo to me and back again. "Oh shit, they're not big like _that, _are they?"

"Not quite." I put that one down, took a few steps and picked up a different one. "More like this."

Her eyes were still wide. "That is still huge!"

I went back and handed it to her. "Maybe you should get this so you know what to expect," I tried to say seriously, but my face couldn't stay blank.

She looked it over and shrugged her shoulders. "Okay."

I started browsing through the videos. "Oh, we need this!" I picked out a copy of Crack Whores Of America.

Ana's mouth dropped open silently. We started reading all of the titles, picking out the worst ones... Treasures like Dude, Where's My Dildo?, Bowlin' In Her Colon, Sex Starved Fuck Sluts #22 - Stinky White Women, Big Trouble In Little Vagina, Sex In The Shitty, Yo Quiero Taco Smell, Edward Penishands, and my personal favorite: The Anal Girls Of Tobacco Road 2 - Vagina Slimes.

We were laughing at this shit like we were still in kindergarten. Ana held up another movie - Tits Of Fury. "And I thought The Hills Have Thighs was bad!"

"That was a horrible porn," I said as she put the video up and we moved along. "Hey, let's get some sexy costumes!"

"While neither one of us is having sex?"

"We'll wear them around the house when we're bored or something," I said with a firm nod of my head.

We looked through the various outfits: crotchless panties, tops with holes where your nipples go, tiny uniforms for nurses and maids and umpires and all kinds of different stuff. We both picked out some things and headed for the dressing room.

After we had selected some clothes, we tried to look through the toys... We had to just pick what we needed and pay for everything before we ended up in a wierd ass dildo smack down. We chatted and joked around the whole way back home, and Seth was actually laying on my bed when I opened the door to my room.

"Hey," he smiled. "Where'd you go?"

"The store," I replied innocently, forming another idea. He had said we could do _some _things. "Hey, close your eyes for a few minutes."

He raised his eyebrow at me.

"Just trust me."

He flipped over and buried his face in a pillow.

"Don't look until I say so."

I removed the biggest thing in my bag and pulled out something to change into. I got out of my clothes, trying to be smooth and fast as I pulled on a bra and panty set that was covered in blue glitter. I covered that with a tiny black leather skirt and matching top that was the size of a bra, and then I pulled on and zipped up my new leather thigh-high boots.

"Okay," I said, and he very slowly rolled back over. His eyes took me in and he sat up and got right to his feet. He stopped and stared, his gaze going up then down and back.

"Spin around," he commanded. I turned and leaned forward, placing my hands against the wall in front of me. He could see all but about the top three inches of my ass, and there was a hell of alot more ass to be covered.

He whistled quietly through his lips before I felt his fingers running gently up the naked part of my spine. He smacked my ass and whispered in my ear, "Bring this to our honeymoon."

I faced him and put my hands on my hips. "Turn around," I commanded this time.

He complied... I stripped and then searched for my pj's. I almost wanted him to leave, go lay on the couch or something. If he stayed in here and slept, I would be so fucking worked up all night.

I moved to his front and he opened his eyes and smiled. "Did you go to a sex shop?" he asked.

"Yes I did."

The smile widened. "Well... what did you get?"

I put on my poker face. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

He narrowed his eyes. "You'll show me tomorrow."

"Will I?"

I giggled and he kissed me. "Yep. You will. Otherwise... I can't use any of them on you."

I stepped back and put my hands on my hips. "Seth Clearwater! You watch that nasty little mouth, Mister!"

He smirked. "Tell me you don't want me to."

I pretended to consider it as a devious look crossed his face. He picked me up and launched both of us onto the bed, leaving the bag of goodies behind as we kissed and teased one another.

I fell asleep right on top of his body that night.


	56. Clean My Wounds

**Chapter Fifty Six - Clean My Wounds **

I had been home for three weeks, and things were going wonderfully. Seth was being the model boyfriend, Ana was still on good terms with Josh and was turning out to be the best roommate ever, and even the weather had remained warm and sunny.

So why in the world did I want to rock the boat?

It was a week day - what day that was, I wasn't too sure - when I found myself sitting at the wheel of my car, pulled over and parked on the edge of the road. I was all the way out in Aberdeen, but I still couldn't be sure that I hadn't been followed this morning, and that was stressing me out even more.

I hadn't stopped to consider what I was doing; Not when I answered my phone, not when I decided to tell them yes, and not on the drive over or while I was talking to him or even once I had the product in hand. It didn't strike me that this was possibly a bad idea until I was in the small town area - That's when I actually asked myself how long it had been since I was in this position.

That was when I realized I hadn't even laid eyes on a single illegal substance since I had started dating Seth again.

The noticing of my own sobriety put me in quite a conundrum... If I hadn't questioned my actions, I would have gone home and gotten myself - and my Ana - high all day. Business as usual, no drama required. The fact that I knew now that this behavior was no longer expected - or accepted - of me is where the problem arose.

Seth and I hadn't discussed anything referring to my using and abusing of chemicals, but that could also be blamed on the fact that we hadn't needed to. We should have talked about this shit a long time ago and hadn't, and by the time we were talking again at all, I had unknowingly stopped doing everything, rendering the conversation unnecessary.

What would he say to me now that I already had the shit on me?

If I had thought before that it would be a problem, I just wouldn't have went and got it. I still had the option of not doing it; I hadn't touched it yet. The issue with that was that I _did _already have it, and now I wanted it.

I was left with a small number of options; I could get rid of this now and just pretend it never fell into my lap in the first place. I could bring it home and allow him to decide for me, though I already knew what his decision would turn out to be. I could do it all and hide out, pretend later on that it had never happened... Or I could take it home, tell him I had it and tell him to back off because I was doing it and I didn't care what anybody fucking thought about it.

I had been walking the straight and narrow for weeks without even realizing it. Didn't that fact alone deserve me a little fun time? Did this have to count as a regression, or did it count as anything at all? I was just doing what I do.

I'd made up my mind long before I parked in my driveway and went towards the door. Seth popped up behind me silently and followed me in, and Ana was watching t.v. in the livingroom, still in her pajamas.

Seth sat down on the couch and waited for me to join him.

Broaching any uncomfortable subject had never been a talent of mine - I liked to jump right into things, no matter how ugly they may be.

"I haven't done _anything _since I've been home," I began, looking from Seth to Ana. "And neither have you... Alcohol doesn't count."

"Yeah, I was thinking about that this morning, too," she said thoughtfully. "Do you not have any more green? I thought you brought a bunch with you."

"I did, I just haven't touched it. I haven't even thought about it! Isn't that fucking wierd? I've got _pounds _of herb sitting in this house, and I haven't smoked any or sold any. At all."

"Well fuck that, smoke a blunt or something!" Ana said in disbelief. She cocked her eyebrow and smiled. "Don't be holdin' out on a bitch!"

"Oh, we're going to smoke it," I assured her. "I'm going to have you feeling handicapped by night fall. That's not all that we're doing, either..."

She sat up straighter, looking confused and excited. "What'd you get ahold of?"

I turned to Seth instead of answering her. "I haven't been doing anything, and we haven't talked about it yet. I don't want you getting mad at me over this... I didn't even consider that it might be a bad idea until I already had it."

"What is it, exactly?" He kept his voice low and eyes on the floor.

"That's not important," I replied, and Ana looked depressed over it. "We're doing it, and if this is the last time that I'm allowed to, then we're doing all of it."

I was going to hell. How did I learn how to be such a cocky bitch?

Ana broke the silence by laughing like a hyena, and that somehow eased Seth up, too.

"What if I get mad about this anyways?"

I took a step and then sat down beside of him, pleading with my eyes before my mouth even opened. "Please, please just let me have this one last time? I swear, I didn't realize what I was even doing this morning until it was too late, and then I already had it in my head that this was the plan for the day. Now that I know you don't want me doing this type of thing anymore, I'll stop. Just let me have today."

"You'll really stop? Everything?" He locked his gaze to mine and studied me closely, waiting to see if I would lie.

I sighed. "What about drinking?"

"As long as it's not that often. You're an adult, and once you turn twenty-one then that's legal at least."

"I don't want to stop smoking..."

Now it was his turn to sigh. He did it the whole time he considered. "I can deal with that."

"What about psychedelics? At least when I go to festivals and stuff," I whined like the child that I seemed to be alot of the time.

"Let's discuss that later on. If you still do all of those things, how is it any different than it has been? It doesn't seem like you're willing to compromise much."

I reached into my bra and produced two bags, the smaller with some pills inside and the larger an eight-ball of cocaine. Both Ana's and Seth's eyes grew wide at the sight of them.

"I won't do this type of shit anymore, the stuff that can hurt and kill me. I can't overdose on weed or mushrooms... I'm just not sure yet if I'm willing to give up such a big part of my life. I don't want to keep doing drugs that are dangerous and addictive, but if I'm at a huge show and there's acid all around me, I don't want to have to rule it out as even a possibility."

He stood up, and I watched in a small state of desperation. "Alright, you have your day. We'll just have to figure out the rest as it comes." He leaned down and kissed my head, then stalked towards the door.

"You're leaving?" I asked, bordering hysteria.

"You can't have me and all of that stuff at the same time. I'll come back when you're done."

His words felt like a test; Choose getting high or choose him. I chose being high, because I would have him right back later on tonight or at least by morning. I couldn't turn off the part of my brain that had went into a craving mode. I was doing my damn drugs.

"Okay... I love you. Call me later?"

He nodded as he pulled the door open. "Love you, too."

Ana jumped up and literally ran to the kitchen and then back. She handed me a plate and sat down beside of me, bouncing around in anticipation. It almost hurt my feelings, seeing how happy this had made her... Of all the great things there are to be excited about, I had her acting like a kid on Christmas over ruining some brain cells.

We did some lines and tried to watch a movie. That got to be boring, so we started wandering around the house and cleaning, then we tried music, drawing, painting, making jewelry... Everything we decided would be fun or interesting turned dull within minutes of beginning. Part of me loved the feeling of nothingness, but the nothingness didn't take long to make way to an irritation that turned into anger.

I didn't have a reason to be mad; It was really just the blow. It did this to me every time - I'd get high for such a short period of time, but the high wasn't exactly enjoyable. It was just running around like a fool, trying to find something to entertain myself as I talked whoever's ear off. Then it would wear down to a jonesing like nothing you can imagine, and a feeling of waste and frustration that seemed to last longer than the initial buzz. It was like being Superman for twenty minutes just to feel like some uncomfortable and pissed off teenage version of Clark Kent for a few hours afterwards.

The worst part of this cycle was that the only thing that could ease the come down was doing more dope, and then everything just started back over again. I had had enough today to tell that there was no way I was going to enjoy this, no matter how much I did.

The other part of my current state of pissed off was just the fact that I had suffered a set back. I had been making better choices, even if I hadn't realized it while it was happening. Now I was back at square one, back to being the party girl. Maybe that's who I had been for a long time, but I knew I was more than that and it felt like I was selling myself short when I made these kinds of decisions.

I had slowly worked myself up into a bout of anger rarely felt by any one human. I was careful to hold it in, because Ana was the only one here and I was really just mad at myself. I didn't have to say anything to her; she could tell just by looking at me that something serious had snapped inside. She was having a good time, so I kept cutting her out lines when she would ask. Meanwhile, I was trying to calm myself down and give my body the time it took to run out of the nasty chemicals I had introduced into it... I just wanted this shit out of me so that I could go hunt down my man.

Ana was trying to cheer me up, and I was even pretending that it was working. She kept doing everything she thought of just to get a smile from me, but then she threw me totally off-kilter when she announced that Josh was coming over. It wasn't even five minutes later that he arrived at my front door.

They threw their arms around eachother, and I wanted to gag. I knew Ana would fall for him somehow, I just thought she'd put up a little more fight than she actually had been. I guess she still was in a way - she hadn't kissed him since the fair, they weren't a couple yet, and she'd barely even let him come to see her. She preferred talking to him on the phone, and she would never admit it but she also loved having him chase her around like a lost puppy dog. I could see how much she liked him, but she wasn't so quick to let _him_ see that.

That's probably why, the second she was in the bathroom doing her business, he turned the sad eyes on me.

"Does she want to be my girl?" he asked, his voice sounding pathetic to my angry ears.

I shrugged as I took a sip of water. "Don't know."

"What does she say about me?" he prodded.

"Nothing," I lied. All she and I talked about anymore was him and Seth. She would rather die than admit completely how she felt about him at this point, and I could understand that. I would be stand-offish too if I was falling in love with a cave man.

He frowned. "That's not a good sign..."

"How many whores have you chilled with since you met her?" I snapped at him. It was horribly mean, but I was genuinely curious to hear his answer.

"I haven't! I've barely even spoken to another female..." He got that far-away look, the one that I liked alot better when it was on Seth's face. "I could never. Not now, not after seeing who's meant for me."

They weren't meant to, but his words stung me. How could the worst guy ever straighten out because of this imprint thing, and the best guy ever had lowered himself after it? Why was it that all the other wolf girls got unconditional love and devotion, and I got to be cheated on and made a fool of?

I had spent a great deal of time and energy trying to get over what Seth had done, but right now I felt just as betrayed and just as worthless as ever. I think it had actually gotten worse as the weeks had passed; Seth was so incredible to me that I couldn't begin to understand where his head and heart had been while he'd done those things.

Josh finally caught on to what he had said wrong. "Aw Liz, I'm sorry girl, I didn't mean it like that..."

"Yeah, I know you didn't. It just bothers me still, especially when I'm in this kind of mood."

"But you forgave him, that's got to mean something."

"It means that I love him and that I want him badly enough to give him another chance. It does _not_ mean that I feel any better about any of it." I curled my knees up into my chest as I heard the toilet flushing down the hall. "What's wrong with me?" I whispered to myself.

"Don't say that girl, you're too good for that shit."

"Too good for what shit?" Ana asked as she sat down beside of him, giving him the googly eyes that he gave her.

"Too good for what Seth did to her, and way too good to be blaming it on herself. There's nothing wrong with you Liz, there's something wrong with him," he replied knowingly.

Ana made a sort of ick sound in the back of her throat and squished her features up. "He's so right, babe," she said to me. "You know I love Seth and he's been great since you guys got back together, but he was the only one in the wrong in that situation. Everybody can see that but you."

I wanted to believe that there was something wrong with Seth, but all the evidence suggested otherwise. Seth wasn't a cheater; He wasn't even promiscuous. Not until he got stuck with me.

I could still feel the gasoline running through my veins, but I couldn't be stuck here with the fucking love birds. I doubted I would be able to find Seth before I realized I didn't want to... I was too bent out of shape to be nice, and I didn't want to fight with him. I didn't even feel like I had the right to bring it up since I had made the decision to forgive him already. Too bad for him, with me forgiveness never entails forgetfulness.

"Hey Ana Belle." I crooked my finger, motioning for her to follow me.

"Ana _Belle?_" Josh asked, surprised. "Why didn't you tell me?"

I almost laughed, because that was certainly something to keep from somebody that was destined to be yours forever.

Ana grimaced as she stood up. "I hate that name, just like Liz hates being called Elizabeth."

"Not when Seth does it," I corrected.

Josh smiled. "So... Maybe you'll like it when I call you Ana Belle, then," he decided with a nod of his head.

"Don't hold your breath, babe." She laughed her way into my bedroom with me.

I handed her the rest of the blow and all of the pills. "I don't want it," I told her adamently. "If you have any left over tomorrow, just don't let me know you've got it, okay?"

"I can't just take your stuff Liz, this shit's worth a couple of hundred dollars!"

I shook my head at her. "It's fine, I really don't want it. I don't even want to look at it anymore. Ever."

She stuffed the bags into her pockets quickly and finally earned that smile from me that had eluded her for hours.

"You're sure? I could sell it and give you the money," she offered.

"Sell it if you want, but just keep the money. I'm not worried about it... I think three hundred bucks is worth knowing the extent of my own stupidity. I'm going to head out here in a minute. Do not have sex with him!" I whispered the last part, though he probably still heard.

She slapped her hand over her smile. "I won't!" she said through her fingers. "You going to find Seth?"

I nodded. "I think I just need some alone time." She was on the verge of offering to leave with Josh so that I could have my own space, but I cut her off before she had the chance to begin. "I need alone time outside of these walls. Have fun, and _do not have sex with him!_"

"Liz!" she whined dramatically. "I haven't even kissed him again!"

"Good, you should keep it that way. At least for the rest of the night," I teased. I grabbed my purse and filled it up with cigarettes, pre-rolled spliffs and my Ipod, not sure of how long I was going to be out.

We made our way back through to the door where I slipped my shoes on. "Guess I don't have to tell you to not get any ass tonight," she finally replied, hands on her hips.

I rolled my eyes as I stepped through the door. "Thanks for reminding me." She looked smug, and I couldn't just let her get away with that shit, so I peeked around her and looked at Josh.

"Hey, Josh? Ana says she fantasizes about choking you out while she rides your cock!"

Both of their mouths dropped open as their eyes grew wide, the only difference was that Josh looked incredibly excited, and Ana looked like she might stab me in my sleep tonight.

"You... BITCH!" she yelled, but we both knew she wasn't all that mad. She never was, not at me.

I blew her a kiss and grabbed the door knob. "Love you, bitch!" I slammed the door shut behind me and set off walking.

It didn't hit me until I was down the road that I shouldn't be out in the open like this, but I needed to blow off some steam. If something came to eat me, then fuck it. I'd lived long enough.

Devil may care, that was me.

It was a little chilly tonight, and the clouds were puffy with impending rain. The wind would blow and allow me a glimpse of the stars and the yellow moon, only to be covered over again seconds later. I loved the sky at night when it was blue instead of black; the black was great, but sometimes you needed that little extra light.

I could tell Seth wasn't around, I couldn't feel him near me. I couldn't stop from wondering where he was, and then I couldn't stop the overwhelming amount of fear that burned through me at not knowing. What if I had made a huge mistake trusting him again? What if he was out with another girl right now, doing things that he wouldn't even do with me? And if he was... How would I ever even know about it?

I finished lighting my joint and started walking again, wondering how many miles I would have to cover to burn off my fear and frustration. I had risked alot with different people over the years, but this was the first time I had placed so much of myself in the hands of someone I wasn't sure I could trust, and this was also the first time that I was risking my own heart. I had done so much in my short life, so many things that were dangerous. I went into certain situations knowing that it was a huge possibility that I might get hurt or even killed, but I held my head high and kept my eyes open.

Why couldn't I do that with him? Why was I so terrified of hurt feelings and crushed pride when the prospect of losing that and everything else was nothing to me? I had to give myself some credit, I was definitely taking a leap trying to be with him again... But was I really trying, or was I just being there?

I asked myself endless questions with no answers, trying my damndest to avoid thinking of where Seth was and what he may be doing. It was so hard for me to trust, to have faith, but that was my only option. When I saw him, I would just have to push my worry aside and believe that he wouldn't hurt me like that. Again.

Of course, I was never one for best laid plans... When I did see him, I completely freaked out, despite promising myself that I wouldn't.

I was so lost in thought that I didn't notice him until my eyes saw him. He was smiling, happy to see me. He said hey, and I fucking lost my shit.

"Where have you been?" I tried to not shriek and epically failed. I even started crying, and that was just embarassing.

I had my head down and his arms went around me. I considered fighting and didn't - I wanted the comfort. I wanted to be stupid and wrong right now, because being right would hurt too much.

"I've been a few places today, and none of them would be upsetting to you," he said quietly into my ear.

There were times when I was talented at examining a situation from many different angles. In this instance, I thought of how I might react if the tables were turned; If I were Seth and Seth were me, I would have responded with either apology - because the paranoia was deserved - or I would respond with anger, because my girlfriend had forgiven my wrongs and then flipped out on me.

He chose apology, the right choice in my opinion.

"Baby, look at me," he said. "I'll never do anything like that to you. I know how much it hurts now to be without you, there's no way I'm messing our relationship up after all I've been through to get you back."

My tears slowed, diminishing me to mere sniffles. "Really?" Small word, loaded question - I should have known he wouldn't disappoint. He was such a smooth talker.

He smiled, and I knew he couldn't look at me that way if he was lying. "Really, my Elizabeth."

I giggled, every negative feeling within me being dissolved into something warm and fuzzy.

I swiped at my face and stepped back from him. "I'm sorry, but I'm scared of what you might do."

He nodded. "I know. And I hate that you have to feel like this... I deserve it, but you really don't. I know I have to work to gain your trust, all I ask is that you don't worry so much. It's like I'm torturing you without actually doing anything."

"What should we do? I don't think I'm going to just stop freaking out, and it's not like I can keep tabs on everything you're doing when we're not together."

He sighed as he took my hands and wound his fingers through mine. "I hate putting you in this position, but you're going to have to give yourself the time it takes until you trust me again. If you need to follow me around and know my every move, then that's okay."

I rolled my eyes at his smiling face. "No, we can't be like that. We have lives to live. I just have to try to trust you - I'm the one that made the decision to be with you and be this serious again, I have to just deal with it. But... If you do mess up, will you tell me about it at least? I feel like I don't know what I'm getting myself into."

"I will _never, ever _do _anything_ that's going to cause that kind of problem between us," he spoke with the seal of a promise. "But if you get to worrying again, just ask Leah."

My face crumpled in skepticism and confusion. "Ask Leah? That's what you got for me?"

He laughed. "She's totally on your side. When we got back, she made it very clear that if I wronged you again, she was going to tell you. She was so pissed at me before. She says when it comes to you and I, she doesn't care that I'm her brother. She'd throw me under the bus if she caught me even thinking about another woman."

We started back towards home as I relished in this new information. If Leah really was on my side, that gave me a priceless ally. It wasn't like she was my good friend; if Seth broke my heart, she wouldn't be the one mopping up my tears. But if he did something bad to me behind my back, she would be the one to let me know.

I hated that I needed this kind of safety net, and the romantic in me wanted so badly to just trust him and never bring up the past again. Unfortunately, the logical side of me had to acknowledge how badly he had fucked me over before, and there was nothing to stop him from doing it again.

I came to an uncomfortable compromise with myself: I would be with Seth and try to trust him, but by God, if he broke that trust then I would find out and make him pay for it. That was good enough, for now anyways.

I lit up another joint as we strolled along, because the buzz was making me feel a little better, a little more giggley. Seth smoked every once in a while, so I offered him my joint and he actually hit it.

"Josh is probably at the house," I told him as we turned onto my street.

"Yeah, I figured." He started feeling around in his pockets, then held me from moving any further. When we were stopped, he held out a box for me. The smile on his face was so lovely, so beautiful that it alone made my heart speed up.

"I got you something." He held the box out towards me.

I knew it wasn't some piece of jewelry with a bunch of commitment attached to it, so I was happy. I took the little box and removed the top.

I could feel myself lighting up, surprised and over-joyed. "Oh, baby! That is so sweet of you!"

He'd bought me earrings, and not some boring little diamond studs or gold hoops like boyfriends would usually do. This man actually knew me; He'd picked a pair that were little black hearts with rhinestones on them. He chose something he knew I would wear and appreciate, because they complimented my personal style instead of trying to impress me with flashy bullshit. That act alone spoke volumes to me.

"I went all over the mall trying to find something nice for you, but you're so hard to buy for!" He laughed as we got closer to home. "I didn't see anything you'd like at the jewelry stores, so I had to look around in Hot Topic and Spencer's."

I pecked him on the cheek. "You did good," I complimented as I decorated one ear and he did the other. "Way better than I would have expected."

"You like them?" he asked hopefully.

"Of course I do! They are perfect. I would have bought them for myself if I'd have found them."

We went inside, and some Manson was blaring from Ana's room. I really did hope she wasn't giving into temptation with Josh - I wanted them to be together and be happy, but I didn't want those things at the cost of her self respect. She could be with him and _be _with him when it was time, and everything would go alot easier that way, as opposed to her fucking him while they weren't even together and end up getting hurt by him.

Either way, I wasn't getting in their shit. Whatever they were doing back there, they were the only ones to have to face consequences afterward. I had warned her and that was as much as I was really capable of. If he hurt her - if she allowed herself to be hurt by him - then I would get involved. She was a big girl, but she was still my best friend.

We went in my room where I collapsed on the bed.

"Did you have fun today?" he asked.

"No... I just caught a little shitty buzz and missed you. I didn't even do all of my shit up like I said I would."

He shot me a raised eyebrow. "I didn't!" I proclaimed. "Go ask Ana, I did a little and gave the rest to her!"

The corners of his mouth pulled up. "You've never lied to me before, baby. I believe you."

That made me happy, and it kind of surprised me to realize that I really hadn't ever lied to him. There were probably some things I'd held back from him and that was wrong, but I'd never actually lied to him. Not that either of us remembered, anyways.

Ana knocked once and poked her head inside my room. "Hey Liz, I'm going to sleep so do me a favor and don't keep me up playing with your vibrator all night."

I gaped at her while Seth busted out the chuckles.

"Sorry," she smiled devilishly. "Had to get you back for earlier!"

She ducked back out before my pillow could smack her in the face.

My phone started ringing, and somehow I knew who it was the second I heard it. I frowned at the reminder of my past.

"Answer it," Seth said. "You need to talk to him. I'm going to get something to eat."

He left the room and shut the door behind him, leaving me laying there in a state of utter confusion.

I picked the phone up. "Hello?"

**(Darrell's POV)**

I was so shocked that she actually answered the phone that I realized I had no idea of what to say.

"Darrell Bolen!" she demanded after a few moments silence - patience had never really been her thing.

"Hey, babe." It sounded dumb, and that was right. I was dumb.

"What's up?" she asked, and just hearing her voice brought some dormant part of me to life.

"Not much..." I couldn't think of anything, so I just started singing. "There's thirteen angels on display. I think they're going to throw me away." It was the song I was listening to, and the only reason it popped out of my mouth was because I knew - I fucking _knew _- she was the only person in the world that would recognize what it was and what it meant.

She giggled, and I swear it lit my soul on fire. "One life time gone and now my soul is dead... The angels just shake their heads," she finished. It was perfect. It was _Liz._

"I miss you, babe. More than you can imagine."

"Just sing to me, Darrell."

"Oh, faith, faith, have faith for me!" I belted out. "I lost it long ago, somewhere I shouldn't be. Oh, heart, heart, save your heart for me. It's the only place I've been with everything I need..."

She must have been at her stereo or computer; she started playing the song loud enough for me to hear it, but she didn't say another word until she'd gotten to where I was on it.

I knew I would never find another human in this world that would understand me the way that she did. I knew that no one would ever compare to her and the connection that we had.

"Maybe I'm a lifetime soldier, never dying, never getting older. Maybe I'm a lifetime soldier, lost along the way..." I kept singing for her.

"High..." She finally said. "Stay high for me, and let me see the things I never thought I'd be..."

"Wait..." I replied. "Please wait for me. I've traveled far and wide without a destiny."

It was almost a plea, though the words weren't my own.

"There's thirteen angels on display, I think they're gonna take you away, away, away!" she yelled loudly.

"They took you away," I said quietly to her.

"Switch songs," she demanded. "That one is over."

I did what she said, and it was amazing that this would be next. "Oh lord, I must be crazy...Settled down, and I find nothing new," I sang to the next song.

"Older days they used to matter, but I don't care, 'cause I've got nothing to lose."

I wanted to keep this going all night. "And if I stare too long, I might not see you right..."

"Over time, the heart goes out of sight," she sang with me.

"And if I stare too long, I might not see you right... Close the door, where the heart is out of sight."

"Many a dreams cross the river, but it's too strong for a boy like me..." I sang. "Now you're gone but I still remember... Better days as they wash into the sea."

"Gone baby, gone..." she replied, no longer with the song.

It fucking _hurt. _"I've got the time, but I got no reason," I said back, no longer singing myself. "I'm broken down, waiting patiently. Now the sun don't shine for me, and that's a different season... But she comes around one more time for me..."

"Noooo," she said, stretching the word out so that it killed me for a longer period of time. "I already did come back, so that's done with. Why were you calling?"

"I wanted - I _needed _- to talk to you. To know that you're okay."

"I'm fine," she said happily. "I'm good. Any other reason?"

"I hate not hearing from you," I answered, laying it out there. "I guess I'm not okay or even close to good." I had to drag this out a little longer until I told her the real reason I needed to talk. I was fairly sure she was going to hang up on me when it finally did come out.

"What can I do?" she asked, and it wasn't condescending or sarcastic. It was caring and genuine, and that was one of the many reasons I was so tangled up in her.

"Just talk to me a little, that will help. How has Ana been doing out there?"

"I guess she's been good, too. Things have been confusing for her..."

I waited, and she explained without me having to push.

"So... You know about the imprint stuff. Remember me telling you about Josh? He's a wolf too, and he used to try to get with me all the time."

"Yeah, I remember." I tried to hold the impatience from my voice. What had happened to Ana?

"Well, she was doing fine. I introduced her to the pack a few weeks ago, and Josh imprinted on her. So now he's chasing her around and trying to make her fall in love with him," she laughed. "And she likes him, but it's drama anyways. She wasn't even ready for a boyfriend, forget having a soul mate that's hooked for life. I think she's a little overwhelmed."

That was hard to respond to... What could I even say?

"Well, that's... interesting," was the best I could come up with.

"It certainly is. She's in there now, either with him or she kicked him out earlier, but I think she's with him. He makes her all fluttery inside," she finished, her voice off in fantasy land. I guess that's technically where she lived right now, just until she had to wake up. And now Ana had joined her... Wonder if either one of them would ever be the same people I had known.

I sighed... It was time. "I have to tell you something that I found out earlier."

"What?" she asked, her voice suddenly serious.

"Well... You know I can't be sure it's mine, but Mandy's... pregnant." I almost choked on the word, it made me so sick to think or say it. "She swears she wasn't with anyone else."

I waited so long for her to respond that I gave up. I don't know how I had expected her to react. This couldn't be something she would want to hear... I just couldn't help but to tell her, try to get some advice out of her. I needed her now more than ever - she was the only thing keeping me together at all, even just the thought of her.

Finally, she sighed. "Got yourself in deep there, huh?"

"What the fuck am I going to do? I mean, being a dad... But with Mandy?"

"Are you serious? I think you should be alot more concerned with the fact that you're fathering a child, Darrell. Mandy may not be some prize to you, but the kid is going to be alot more work. She'll do whatever the hell you tell her to do and you know that."

"I can barely stand to look at her. How are we supposed to raise a baby together?"

"Maybe you should have thought about that before. How could you be dumb enough to not use a condom? Think about how many partners there are between the two of you! You're lucky you created a dramatic miracle instead of having to pop pills and rub cream on your junk for the rest of your life."

I almost pointed out the fact that she had let me go bare once, too, but that was just asking to get my head bitten off. "I never claimed to be all that smart."

"You better change your ways. You know... quit doing and dealing dope, get a job, quit fucking everything that walks. This is going to be the hardest work you'll ever have to do in your life."

"Yeah... I know."

"You always said you couldn't wait to be a Daddy," she reminded me.

"That's not what I said. I said I couldn't wait to be a Dad to _our _kids."

"I know," she replied softly.

"This is just a nightmare."

"No, it's not. Open your eyes! You're going to have a baby, Darrell. Be happy about it! So what if it's not exactly the way you wanted... You're almost thirty years old, and you've never looked to settle down with anybody. If it didn't happen this way, it probably wouldn't have happened at all."

I had this dream of what my life was supposed to be one day, and this was not it. I was supposed to be with Liz, and we were supposed to only have children with one another. She could stay home and I could tour with my band, and when I came home it would be to a sexy wife and beautiful little blonde haired blue eyed babies. Not being able to have it the way I had it imagined made me not want it much at all.

I hated Mandy. Liz hated her too, that's kind of why I had fucked her while I was waiting for Liz's answer; it was payback to make myself feel like less of a punk. That may have been okay if she hadn't found out about it less than ten minutes after it had happened... But I had fucked Mandy, Liz saw it, and now I had an illegitimate child on the way. If this accident had happened with Liz, I would be beyond ecstatic. Instead, I had ruined everything in one fail swoop, losing my girl and gaining a family that I didn't want.

"Wonder how long it will take before you've got your own bun in the oven," I laughed humorlessly.

"Not until I'm married," she said.

My mouth went dry and my hands started to shake. Everything suddenly became very real - Liz had always been opposed to marriage and children as far as I had been aware. She hated that white picket fence lifestyle and family values bullshit. She was a hell raiser, not a housewife - she knew the two worlds didn't combine well. If she would dare to even speak that word to me in reference to herself, she must be seriously considering doing it. That scared the living shit out of me.

"Darrell?"

"You can't get married!"

"Yeah, I can actually. So long as it's not to a woman. Or an animal. Or a slice of cake."

"He is an animal!" I yelled, grasping at straws.

"You really are a fucking piece of work, D," she laughed. "You call and tell me that you knocked up a girl that you can't stand, and then you get mad because I mention marrying someone that I'm in love with. That's got to be a whole new level of asshole."

I tried to slow my breathing. "What I did was an accident!"

"You accidentally stuck your dick in her?" she asked, mocking me. "Well gosh, that changes everything! You know, I bet you could take legal action against her for taking advantage of you like that!"

"Liz, quit it. You know what I mean! I can't help it that I'm having a kid with the bitch, but you have a choice about getting married or not!"

"I'm getting off of here. Call me after you remove your head from your ass."

"But - " She'd already hung up.

That was a bust, but I had to admit that it went better than it could have. At least I had gotten something important out of they way before she killed me again. I wasn't ready for anything that was happening around me... I needed release.

I took my belt off, cursing myself for losing Liz in the first place. I held a flame to my spoon as I thought of her and how much I had hurt her. I tied my arm off, hating that I had even hooked up with Mandy in the first place. I stuck my needle in, silently apologizing to my unborn child... And then I forgot it all as I laid back down, sinking into my bed and my own miserable emptiness.

**A/N: I think I may have to end this story and make a sequel before there's a bazillion chapters...**


	57. Dragonaut

**A/N: Okay, this is the last chapter before I make a sequel. The next story is called "Born To Be Wild". (I know, it's unoriginal but it's fitting!)**

**Chapter Fifty Seven - Dragonaut**

"He's perfect for me, Grandma. I'm right about this one."

"What does he do for a living?" she asked in a voice that I treasured. Her age came through, but it was overshadowed by carefulness and strength. I wandered if I would ever be half the woman that she was.

"He's a mechanic," I answered. It was a lie, but it was necessary. And on the upside, it wouldn't be a lie for long; Seth really was working towards that particular goal.

"That is honest work," she replied, and I could picture her sitting there and nodding her head in approval. "What's his family like?"

"His mom is a nurse, and his sister is in college. They're both really nice."

"His father?"

"Not with us anymore, unfortunately."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, dear."

"It happened a few years ago, I never got to meet him. But from what I hear, he was pretty great, too. Seth really misses him."

"Poor thing..." She really felt bad for him, even if she didn't know him. I loved him, so she loved him. That's just the type of woman she was. "I would ask how he treats you, but we both know I'll have to see that for myself. When is my darling going to bring him up to meet me?"

"I don't know... I want to see you, but if I come out there then I have to go home, and you know how I feel about that situation."

"Is Darrell doing any better?"

"I don't know," I sighed. "Really... I think he's doing worse. _Alot _worse. He calls all the time and I try to help him out, but I just don't always have the time for it. I hate saying that."

"I understand, honey. You have to live your own life," she responded empathetically. "Does your new boyfriend not like you talking to him?"

"He seems to want me to talk to him more than I'm willing to. I think he feels bad for him. I feel bad for him, too, but he's making me mad! He needs to straighten up now, and he's going the opposite. It's not about him anymore."

"I agree with you, Liz. But, don't forget that you care about him and give up. He could turn around at any moment, and I'm sure it will be sooner if he has your support."

Seems I wasn't the only one that cared about him.

"Darrell has a good heart. He loves you, and he's always been there for you when you needed him. You've been through tough times yourself, honey."

I sighed away from the receiver, hating that she had voiced my own thoughts to me.

"I know, Grandma. I haven't given up on him. I'm just... frustrated with him."

"You and me both!" she laughed, a sound that reminded me of the best years of my life.

We talked for probably an hour or so about everything in the world, and then she had to go "tend to some of her yungin's". I missed her the second she hung up... I missed my whole family. I missed having kids of all ages running around and making me play with them and going paintballing with all of my guy cousins in the woods, and almost as much as everything else, I missed the food. My great-grandma and my aunts should be world famous for the way they can cook.

I was bored and homesick. Ana wasn't here. Seth wasn't here. Just me and a bunch of nothing.

I tried to watch some sitcom and realized I was being stupid. I had spent too much time lounging on a sofa staring at a screen in my life. There wasn't much else to do, so I put on a bikini and grabbed a book and a blanket and headed outside. The book didn't do much to amuse me, so I coated myself in some SPF one-ten and made myself comfortable. I could take a nap for a couple of hours and keep from getting burnt - I just hoped it wasn't a downpour that happened to wake me up.

It was actually Seth that woke me up, just by walking towards me. It was almost like I was still dreaming, watching someone so beautiful coming closer, smiling at me. Then again... If I were dreaming, he would probably be naked right now.

I stretched and got up to greet him with a hug and a kiss... I read a quote online earlier that said, "A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous." I had to look up the word superfluous, but I agreed when it came to these particular kisses; there was no need for words with us. Ingrid Bergman also once said, "Be yourself. The world worships the original."

Smart lady.

"Were you really taking a nap out here?" he asked with a laugh.

"Yep. I was bored inside."

The back door flew open with a crash, and Ana's face lit up with happiness as she spotted us.

"Lizzy!" she started running down the stairs of the porch. "I got a job!"

"That's great!" I said, just before she threw her arms around me. "Where at?"

"This little hole in the wall book store called Snow Goose. The owner is this tiny old lady, and she needs some serious help with that place."

"Aren't book stores kind of obsolete anymore?"

Her smile dropped.

"I just mean that with everybody having Kindles and Nooks... But you know I hate those things. Nothing better than curling up with a paperback." I held mine up as proof, and she smiled again.

"I like books better, too. They're a guarantee. Paper doesn't run out of battery power or ever have any troubleshooting," she pointed out. "People need to get over all of this insane technology and get back to their roots. We're humans, not a bunch of fucking robots."

I raised an eyebrow. "Right there with ya."

Seth's arm snaked around my waist as she was looking at me. "You look hot today," she complimented with a smile. "Plans for later?"

I looked up, and Seth shrugged his shoulders. "Guess not," I answered. "Why, do you?"

She focused her attention on Seth for a moment. "Can we have a minute? I need to borrow our girl and her mouth."

He stared, curious and skeptical.

She started laughing. "Not like that! I need to talk to her for a minute!"

He smiled and touched his lips to my cheek. "I know. I'll be in the house."

I watched him go and then waited for her to tell me whatever it was. She avoided my gaze and shifted around, growing more anxious each second.

"Ana, what's up? You really going to make me work for it?"

"Well... I..." she began, but didn't continue.

I crossed my arms. "Spit it out!" She was making _me _nervous. Had she accidentally murdered my dog or something?

She took a few deep breaths and tried to relax. "I was so excited earlier, and I did something stupid."

"Which was?" I pushed, because she wasn't coming out with anything more on her own.

She leaned close and whispered in my ear, "Do you think he's around right now? I don't want him to hear me."

I knew she meant Josh instead of Seth, but I had no way of telling if he was lurking behind the wall of trees that bordered my yard. I wondered if she felt the connection to him yet, because then she would be able to tell if he was close; that seemed too hard to explain, so I took her hand and pulled her towards the house. Instead of heading up the stairs to go inside, I went to the basement door. It was old and worn and held closed by a padlock I didn't have a key to. It was a seperate part of the basement from the finished one; this was supposed to be just a small space with no floor and windows, nothing but the hot water heater.

I wasn't sure that this would work in my flip-flops, but I was going to find out. I braced myself and kicked the door in. Successfully. I smiled at Ana, and she laughed as we went in and set the door back up behind us.

"Aren't you worried about that at all?" she asked, motioning to the gaping hole I had created.

I considered for a moment. "Nope. So, what is it that you've done?"

"Okay. So Josh took me to Snow Goose earlier."

I nodded my head.

"And I found out that I got the job, so I was really happy when I came back out to the car. He was waiting for me, but he was standing there leaned up against the side instead of sitting in the seat like I'd expected, and god damn it Liz, the abs on that motherfucker should be illegal..."

She was so serious, so worked up just remembering these moments. I understood how she felt - She wasn't the only one whose hormones were like that of a teenage boy's. Well, a homosexual teenage boy, in our case.

"Did you... " I made a few different vulgar gestures with my hands. And then with my mouth. I tried not to giggle like a child.

She lowered her head sheepishly.

"Oh my shit, Ana Belle! I wasn't being serious! Did you two fuck?"

"No..."

I was way more relieved than was necessary at that.

"We didn't, but I wanted to. When I came outside, I wasn't thinking. I ran straight into his arms, and then I kissed him, and then I kept kissing him..."

"You're telling me that I kicked my basement door down to hear that you kissed someone that you've kissed before?" I teased.

Her eyes met mine, and she wasn't laughing with me. "Liz, I have never, _ever _kissed someone like that before. I mean, I've felt passion before, but this... It was intoxicating. And the more I had of him, the higher I was until we were in the back seat with our hands in places... And his mouth on places..." A shiver rocked through her body, visibly shaking her. It was like a female equivalent to the boner.

"I still don't know how I managed to stop," she said once she had her bearings back.

I put my hand on her shoulder. "I get that it's, um, overwhelming," I carefully chose the word. "But I don't understand why you're so freaked out. You've made out with a guy you didn't even know in the backseat of a car before, and all you said about it afterwards was that he slobbered on your face and that his dick was too small to bother going further. What's the problem now?"

She sighed. "I don't know how to explain without sounding stupid. It's like... I like Josh. He's cool, he's really sweet to me, he's very good looking - He's like a fantasy man for me. Designed to tempt me. Guys like him don't usually go for girls like me when it comes to the whole looks thing, and girls like me don't go for guys like him because we're too smart to want to get hurt by them. Does that make any sense at all?"

I nodded my head vigorously. "You're wrong about the looks thing, but I understand exactly what you mean."

"So, having this beautiful man want to be with me so bad, it makes me feel powerful - but only if I can resist him. If I give in to him and want him, that gives him the power. If he's got me, he can hurt me. He can break me... I'm not repaired enough yet to be broken again. As long as I don't want him, I'm still in control."

"Ana, I get what you're saying, but do you want to be like that? Anybody who's ever been in love knows that it's a huge risk to take. That doesn't make it not worth taking."

Her eyes got all teary. "I haven't told you the worst part yet," she went on as she tried to hold her tears at bay. "We were kissing and... other stuff, and he knew he was cracking me."

Her sadness seemed to flip itself right into anger. "He kept whispering in my ear, telling me that I knew I wanted him, that I knew I loved him and that I was his... He waited until I was so caught up in what we were doing that I just kept agreeing with his pompous ass!" She started pacing around the small area. "Afterwards, it felt like he'd taken advantage or something, but I can't even blame it on him! I mean, it's not his fault that he's so... so..."

I grabbed her wrists and made her face me. "Sweetie, calm down. I think you're making this a bigger deal than it is," I told her honestly. So what if Josh knows that she likes him? He has a heart, too. I think.

She stared daggers at me. "I told him I loved him."

I cocked my eyebrow. "And?"

"Liz, be serious!"

"I am being serious. Look, I know you don't think you're ready. I know that you're scared, but life doesn't work the way anyone expects or wants. You're letting fear get in the way of happiness. Or, you were, and you're not now, and you're just upset that you did it on accident instead of being able to plan it out."

I tugged on her hand and we sat down on the dirt floor together. "I've been in your position. Sometimes it's easier to be tough than to be vulnerable," I said, repeating words that Seth had spoken to me. "I think what you need to remind yourself right now is that this doesn't make a difference, not when it comes to your heart. If he's going to break it, having him think you're not into him isn't going to make it hurt any less. Even if you never admitted it, you already love him. I know it feels like it would hurt less if you can save face a little, but it won't."

She leaned forward until her head fell against my shoulder. "Damn you, Liz... " she mumbled. "Are you sure you're not my soul mate?"

Just like that, we had snapped her out of it. She seemed a little drained from her emotional ordeal, and I was glad that I'd been able to help her see through some of it.

I pecked her forehead and wrapped my arm around her. "You are my one and only lady, Miss Ana Belle. I'll never love anybody the way I love you."

She leaned back, smiling sweetly at me before placing her hand over her heart. "And I you, my darling Elizabeth." She spoke dramatically, but she still meant it.

I started cheesing like a fool. "So you're a taken woman now?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I finally agreed to be his girlfriend. And I think I know what my next move is going to be."

"Stop being a pussy and open up to him?"

She nodded. "That, and I'm going to get laid," she replied very matter-of-factly. "I'm sorry and I know you're going to say that I should wait, but I don't think I can anymore."

"It's your body," I replied. "What you do with it is totally up to you. Just be responsible... I think those wolf-men are some fertile turtles."

We shook on it and headed back to the house. She went to her room, and I went to find my man in mine. He wasn't there, but he showed up behind me a second later. He was silent, so I didn't realize he was there until he was pulling me to him, wrapping me up in him. I crossed my arms over his and just let myself breathe, let his arms be my comfort and his chest my protection.

I didn't enjoy all of the drama, but at least it allowed me to realize how wonderful I had it now.

"You know..." I said as I turned around. "You're very good at this strong silent thing."

He had the most beautiful smile I'd ever witnessed. "Is that what I'm supposed to be?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "You are... ever changing, like the seasons. Like me."

He kissed the tattoo behind my ear. "No one is like you." He backed away enough to see my whole face. "Were you wanting to go out tonight? It doesn't matter either way to me."

I thought for a moment and was surprised to realize that I really didn't want to go out. I wasn't usually much of a homebody - The only time I stayed in was if I was too tired or pissed off. There was always somewhere else to be, something else to do that seemed better than staying in until I was actually doing it.

"Let's have a movie night or something," I suggested, just in case he had wanted to do more than lounge around with me all day.

I loved how I could tell his mood by his expression; He was an open book, like me. The smile on his face was answer enough.

"Should we go rent something?"

"Well... the closest rental store is pretty small and there's not much variety. I think they stopped stocking it about ten years ago," he warned. "Do you like older movies?"

"I like good movies," I replied. "Hey, I know! Let's get a bunch of vampire and werewolf movies!"

He snorted. "You know I'll sit there pointing out everything that's wrong with them, right?"

"It will be fun. We've never even watched From Dusk Till Dawn together," I fake pouted.

He kissed my head and agreed, "Yeah, it will be fun."

Half an hour later, we were curled up together with a bag of popcorn we were sharing sitting on his leg. I was jamming the fuck out to Tito and Tarantula, waiting for Salma Hayek to come out and do her sexy dance as Santanico Pandemonium. I'd danced like that with a giant boa constrictor draped around me before... I knew firsthand that it wasn't as sexual as it appeared on video. That shit took alot of editing, because those snakes weighed well over a hundred pounds and they never went where you wanted them to go.

I noticed then that Seth was smiling down at me, looking mischevious. "You like him, don't you?" he asked.

My eyes shifted from his to the screen and back. "Who?"

"Clooney," he answered like it was so obvious.

"Why would you think that?"

"You like guys that act badass. And doesn't every woman like him?"

"Umm... He's really not my type."

It was half a lie, because Clooney was everyone's type but he no longer held any interest for me. He was attractive, and as was pointed out, I appreciated a bad boy persona. The thing was, I wasn't attracted to anyone anymore except the man sitting next to me. I could judge that a man was good looking, but there was nothing for me beyond that.

"Not big enough?" Seth teased.

"I don't only like really big guys..." I answered, slightly embarassed. People seemed to believe that was my fucking calling card, between him and Darrell. "You've seen Jess before. He's a small dude."

"What is it, then? I was under the impression that he was a hot commodity."

"I have something a hell of alot better." I twisted around and studied him. "Aside from the fact that I'm completely in love with you, you are way sexier than Clooney will ever be. Or has ever been."

"You are sexier than Salma Hayek," he responded.

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "You don't have to lie, baby."

"I'm not lying," he said, on the verge of defensive.

"Seth... I'm not even sure that _you _are sexier than her, and you are as hot as they come."

He laughed, and the popcorn that was headed towards his mouth fell on the top of my head. That made him laugh harder, and he seemed to be trying to apologize when he could get a breath in. I smirked and sat up, then tossed some popcorn back.

A small war ensued. We hopped up and started flinging puffy kernels at one another. I had the upperhand since I had grabbed the whole bag of popcorn aside from what he already had in his hand, but his aim was much better than mine. We couldn't stop laughing, and we ran out of popcorn after a minute or two and tried to settle down. I started to drop down to sit in the floor and get myself together when he flashed to my front and scooped me up. He sat down with me on his lap, and then he snuck my shirt up a few inches and blew a big raspberry on my stomach.

"We should - " I began through my giggles before cutting myself off. It was sobering; I sat upright and scooted back into my own seat silently. The weight of the words I had almost allowed to slip from my mouth was much too heavy, especially during such a light moment.

Seth was stumped. He was dying to ask me what in the world I had been about to say and what had happened to me in those few seconds, but he didn't. He was trying to wait, hoping I would explain on my own, but I didn't. And no way was I going to.

Though saying it aloud scared me, I was repeating it over and over in my head:

_We should get married._

It started to become less frightening the more I thought it, but I made sure to keep some of the seriousness away from my mind. If relationships are work, marriages are serious fucking careers... But I could save my worries until I needed them.

"Liz," he whined. "We should what?"

"We should make some more popcorn," I replied in a daze. I couldn't believe that I wasn't pissing my pants in fear at my own thoughts. I was really ready for this. Well... I was ready in theory. I was not, however, ready to tell him yet.

I was sitting on the counter near the microwave listening to the popping when he parted my knees and stood in between them. "I can't believe Darrell is having a baby," he said.

I snorted. "I can't believe he doesn't already have one. He's a man whore."

"Did he ever act like he wanted any before?"

"Well..." I shifted, getting a little uncomfortable. "He said he wanted to. With me."

"I'm really glad that never happened... What about you? Did you want to have them with him when you two were together?"

"No. Not to sound horrible, but I wouldn't want to put anyone's life in his hands, even when we were at our best."

"Did you ever want to have them at all?"

"Yeah, just not with him. If I'm going to reproduce, it better be with someone that I'm positive will be a good father."

"What makes you think he wouldn't be?"

I gave him one of those looks. "Seriously? He's a junkie, for starters. It's pretty hard to take care of a baby when you're always either so high you're nodding out or you're punching holes in walls and having seizures because you're dopesick."

"Good point," he allowed.

"He's always running around, selling dope and having people in and out of his house partying constantly. He has band practice at his house and it's so loud you can hear them up the street. He gets into fights all the time... He lies to everyone that he knows, he's mean as a rattlesnake, and he only cares about what he wants, only during the time that he wants it. Basically, he can't even take good care of himself. How is he supposed to take care of someone else? How is he going to raise a human being up to be decent and have morals when he can't do those things for himself?"

"Damn, babe. I had no idea you thought that way about him."

"It's not like that's all there is to him. You know I care about him, I wouldn't if he was all bad... But when it comes to being a parent to somebody, you have to get your shit straight. He seems like he's doing worse now because he's stressed out, but he doesn't realize that he'd be alot less stressed out about it if he would stop. If he bails or fucks this kid's life up, he's done for in my eyes."

The color drained from his face. "You really think he would bail?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "One thing I've learned about D is to not put much of anything past him. He's got it in him to be a good person, but he usually chooses otherwise."

He leaned against the counter next to me and looked at the floor. "Does it bother you at all that he's having a baby with someone else?"

"No," I stated bluntly. "Better her than me."

He smirked at me and returned himself to between my knees. "So... Maybe one day, you and I could have kids? Together?" He tacked on the end, as if it wasn't implied.

I looked down and smiled. "I kind of thought that was already the plan."

"My instincts are always off with us... I'm never sure of what you want." He shook his head as I peeked up at him.

"Maybe that's because I'm usually not sure of what I want." I put my hands over his. "But... I know that I want you, that I'm always going to. I know I want to settle down with you and have a family, just when we're ready for those things."

"When _you _are ready," he amended. "Maybe it's because I've got a few years on you, or maybe it's just because you're such a wild thing and I'm almost the opposite, but I am ready. I'm just waiting on you."

"I - "

The microwave started beeping, and Ana appeared behind Seth's head. I could have spit it out anyways - his attention was still on me instead of the interruptions, but I took it as a sign that I could wait. I had to remind myself that I was a fickle person... I rarely stuck to a decision. I knew I wouldn't change my mind, but I chose to risk it later as opposed to right now.

"Umm, sorry. Am I interrupting?" Ana asked. Seth stepped back and I slid back to my feet while he got our popcorn.

"It's cool." I noticed her makeup first, and then studied her outfit; she'd taken some time to look that good. "Going out with the new boyfriend?" I waggled my eyebrows at her and she giggled and nodded.

"Dinner and a movie," she said and winked at me. She looked at Seth and then back at me. "Oh fuck it, he hears it all anyways... Liz, should I wear a thong or something with more coverage?"

I started laughing, and Seth hid his face from her and tried not to laugh with me.

"Why not just forego panties altogether?" I finally managed to ask.

"This is important! All he's been with is trashy girls, he can't see me as being anything like them."

"What do you think?" I asked Seth, still giggling. "You've known Josh for a long time. What would he like more?"

He sighed and turned around, speaking directly to Ana. "Honestly, if he's going to get to see your ass, the last thing on his mind is going to be what's covering it."

I nodded at him in approval. "Sweetie, if you're going for a classy look, then wear some real underwear. I'm with Seth - He's probably not even going to notice them, but it will make you feel more comfortable."

"Cool. I'm going now... Don't wait up for me!" She winked and literally ran out of the room and then the house...

...I was laying in bed like the professional couch potatoe that I was, eating a Snack Pack while watching Pineapple Express, smoking a bowl and laughing like a dumbass. Luna started barking in the livingroom, and a second later Ana was knocking softly at my bedroom door. I got up and cracked it open just wide enough to see her.

"Some cute little thing named Alice Cullen is here to see you," she said with a giggle, like she had a crush on the chick. "Who is she?"

"She's a vampire," I replied.

Ana's face went white and she pushed her way past me, pulling the door shut behind us. "What the fuck?" she tried to keep from yelling.

I couldn't help but to laugh. "It's okay, she's friends with Seth. Her and all of the Cullens. They're good vampires."

"I invited her in!"

I waved my hand. "That's just a myth, she could have come in anyways. Remind me to catch you up on all of that stuff later. Did she say what she wanted?"

"No, but she's got a bunch of stuff with her, binders and magazines and shit."

I narrowed my brows in confusion before going out into the livingroom. Ana stayed in my room, too scared or surprised or something to act normal. Alice was sitting with her tiny butt on the edge of a cushion, looking like one of the little fairy statues that decorated my bookcase. She smiled when I sat across from her.

"Hey, Liz! Sorry for just showing up like this, but I wanted to catch you before you found someone else to handle the planning."

I stared at her for a very long time, not really seeing her at all. "Uhh... Planning?"

She seemed to stifle a little gasp. "Well, for the wedding, of course!"

I leaned towards her. "Whose wedding?" I asked, just above a whisper.

I caught the glance at my left hand before she stood up. "You know what? I am so silly! This is just a misunderstanding..."

I blocked the door before she scrambled towards it, no easy feat for a human dealing with a vampire. "Alice, what do you know?"

She faked confusion. "I don't know anything!"

"You are lying!" I stepped forward. "Look, I don't care if you were Godzilla, nobody comes into my house and fucking lies to me."

That caught her attention. She placed her hand over her mouth as she laughed, and eventually she sat back down where she'd been.

"I'm sorry," she finally said. "I had a vision of you where you two were already engaged. I had it about a week ago."

"So... you thought we'd been engaged for a week?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I can't actually see any decisions that Seth makes. I can't see anything that's happening to you while Seth is around you. What I saw was you laying on a beach and staring up at the ring. I figured that meant he had asked you, but I guess it just meant that - "

"I decided a week ago to marry him," I finished, feeling light and far away. I almost wondered why I would be on a beach without him there with me, but that would burst my bubble a little too soon.

"He's going to kill me," she said, bringing me back to Earth.

"No he won't."

She considered. "You're right. He _might_ give me a firm talking to."

"Could you tell where I was in that vision?"

Her eyes stopped seeing, went blank. "The sun is incredibly bright. Everything is still green, so it can't be that far from now."

"Summer's ending..."

"You're at a river, laying on a towel on the bank. There are mussel shells littering the sand."

I sighed. "Why would I be back home?" My eyes snapped up to meet hers. "What else can you see? Can you actually see me? Do I look happy?"

"Oh, you look wonderful! You're all tan and wearing this adorable Roberto Cavalli bikini."

I held up a finger and disappeared for a moment. I came back with the tiniest pieces of fabric I had ever seen in my life and held it up to her.

"That is the one," she said, still all bubbly.

Her attitude was infectious. "Do I look good in it?"

"Yeah, you look great!"

"Who else am I there with?"

"The one hiding in your room is there," she said as she inclined her head in the direction of Ana. "And some others."

"Big blonde guy covered in tattoos?"

She nodded.

"Figures," I snorted. "Do you see anything else?"

"Nope."

"Well... If Seth and I actually do get married, I'll be sure to call you for the planning."

She jumped up and hugged me. "Thank you!"

**A/N: The first chapter of Born To Be Wild will be up very soon! I'm still writing on it, so I'm open to any ideas or suggestions.**


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